Past Comments – My husband just continues to cheat

written by Guest, 12 June, 2006

When you ask if we were relatively happy otherwise – I was, but I guess he wasn’t. Why else would he be cheating? I was totally blind to what was going on. He "seemed" to be in love with me but in reality I guess he wasn’t. He says he’s sorry. But is he sorry for what he did or sorry he got caught? I could probably deal with a one time cheating "mistake" where he went out and then knew it was wrong and was regretful. But to go out again and again, where’s his conscience? At least if he didn’t love me, he could have respected me and let me go. But I feel he’s a coward and only cares about himself.

cheating
written by brittnie, 04 February, 2007

I have read this article and I’m going through the same situation its only been a month or so but I can’t get over it. He didn’t do it till way before but we were married at the times he did it. Reading this has helped me a little bit. But, I’m depressed and I don’t know what to do.

written by shawanna, 17 August, 2009

Ive been married for three years and my husband has been cheating on me for almost 8 months now off and on with the same young women she just wont stop and neither will he I want to move on but i am not strong enough to move on. He tells me the same lie that he ended his relationship with her but he calls her and she calls him while he is at work and they meet up every Friday and he tells me that he is doing something to make him happy but he isn’t considering me and his family I have one son and he has two but we have none together and Im just confused and dont know what to do and every time i get the strength to leave he comes back into my life and make me love him even more he uses his charm and the fact that we are a family to make things better then two weeks hes back to cheatn again with the same female she calls my phone saying he is her man and things like that and how he is going to move with her and all those things and i dont believe her but i dont put it pass him because he already hurt me before. I am so hurt and its like i am the only one who is hurting in this marriage and hes gettn the satisfaction of having two women in his life one who is his wife and another who is a wanna be wife i just think i am so stupid for still being here with him what should i do

written by nancym, 25 November, 2009

Shawanna, you are not stupid, he just gives you enough hope to hang in there, but has no intention of giving up the other woman. I read that often cheating spouses respond to intense pleasure or intense pain. If you are making things at home comfortable for him (laundry, cooking, chores, sex) why would he give you up? I am in the same situation and have decided to end my marriage. He is begging me to stay, but hasn’t cut off contact with the other woman. I have been through this scene on three previous occasions and am finally done. I hope I am strong enough to stand my ground and hope that you are too. Good Luck

written by lisey, 27 December, 2009

my husband verbally cheats on me (for the last 5 years)and gets caught all the time. i recently asked him for a divorce but changed my mind a few days later as i want to go to counseling to work things out.. he says he will go by him self as he has depression , but he dosent seem to understand that hurt and pain i have gone through for the last 5 years. he says to me he will try to work it out but he treats me like im not there. im so confused,, he is a nice man (bar the cheating) ad a good father.... just dont know how to get through to him

written by thalia, 14 June, 2010

i have been through 13 years of infidelity from my husband.. started with phone sex then text sex then he saw somebody behind my back for a couple of months now he has gone and fucked a prostitute... all of which he has been caught out for.. i am totally at my wits end.he has absolutely no need for this as he is not denied anything at home and gets all his sexual needs met.. He has broken my heart time after time and yet i stay therefore feeling like a idiot.. each time he tells me that he will never do it again and he will never hurt me again and he doesnt want to loose me yada yada yada all words ive heard a thousand times over. but after his last betrayal i cannot find it within myself to forgive. we have a 20 month old daughter and i believe she deserves to have a father in her life.. very very hard. we are separated at the moment but am really unsure about the future.

written by againstallodd, 14 June, 2010

Cheating is consider as talent, if you you can cheat means you are talented... hmmmm

written by kudai, 05 May, 2011

i have been married for 7years, My husband has been going out with two different women for the past 7years s, since i was married to him, Last year he has a child with this other women. What pains me most now he has 6 other women he is going out with. What shall i do, i have no way to go.i am giving up on life what will happen to me and m kids.Please help me if anyone can help.

written by Guyanese Wife, 19 January, 2012

Wow, well I’ve been with my husband for 6 years and it seems like he continue to cheat and won’t take ownership of his actions. I love him and don’t want to raise our children without him being in our home, but sometimes I sit back and wonder how happy I could be without the feeling of my husband being with other women. It is truly heart breaking knowing that my husband cheats, but he will not admit to it. Whats the use of holding on if we can’t be friends.

written by Kam, 19 May, 2012

I see a lot of women go through this very thing. I’ve been with my husband for 17 yrs, married 9. we have three kids together and I’ve always felt he and i were in it together. we’ve dealt with his infidelities for about 8 yrs now and its a continuous heartbreak. he is now exploring therapy for anxiety, depression and sex addiction. I’d never thought of the sex addiction until now. but if they can’t stop – what else can it be? anyway, I’m not planning on staying with this man, but we are civil and friends and trying to come to a decision about the future of our family. i will support him through his therapy, but all hope is now lost with what has finally come out about his indiscretions. good luck to those of you out there who read this and are dealing with the same.

written by feeling like the sidekick, 31 May, 2012

My husband was caught early 2000 cheating with this h.s. girl years later he is still seeing her. I’m @ my wits end with his constant lying,and infidelity. What should I do? For Pete sakes we live in a small town. I found pics in his left open e-mail of them having sex,she giving him oral sarcastically,all with his ring on.gI confronted him about it and he.denied it at first. Then he claimed it was before we married. Then I realized he was wearing his ring in the pictures. Ugh! Signed, fedup soon to be ex wife

written by confusionfollowsme, 17 September, 2012

Part 1 of 2: This is my second marriage, just "celebrated" 13 years. This man was one of my friend’s older brother. He wanted to go out w-me for years and finally after almost 3yrs I did –now, I feel like I should have just stuck w-my gut feeling – just say no. I knew this family, from high school and his first wife, who was easy to talk w-in the beginning. She shared a few things w-me that he did to her early thru out their relationship and I feel like I am reliving her life w-him -except – we have all this glorious new technology, internet porn, craigslist, etc. Me and my first husband have a child together who is 20 now, and my current husband feels that by me accepting the ex’s phone calls means i still care about him – if i did I wouldn’t have left & divorced him. He doesn’t communicate w-his first wife because she was tired of his crap and left him, slept w-his best friend, the ultimate get back you could say. To be married, I find it very odd how much he defies women. Women drives are horrible; all we do is grip, etc. There are situations where people are better off friends than lovers and that is my relationship w-the ex-nothing more. I feel w-a child we had some role to communicate-don’t hardly anymore since my child is older now, and, I am reaping the punishment. Some people hate their ex and that’s their decision. I am very honest about what is discussed and it has repeatedly been thrown back in my face. We discuss our child, occasional chit-chat about people we know, and that is it-no rekindle, nothing. My husband has always been jealous of us-and after 3 counselors and 2 Psychiatrists for me, trying to find out what was wrong w-ME because being honest only backfired, the bottom line is this... He has felt numb to me for years but loves me. This justifies his actions of answering numerous craigslist adds, of mixed races-not picky-looking for easy, and now he has flirted w- a few of the wives of people he knows. He doesn’t know everything I know because first I have learned how to pick my battles, and second, because he doesn’t communicate. There have been a few opportunities where I am called a B*#CH and i did tell him – No- if i was that I’d show and tell So&So all the inappropriate text messages and emails I have a copy of that you and his wife exchanged –and then I would watch So&So kick your butt all over this place-now, to me that’s a B*#CH! He claims he doesn’t want a divorce – why i stay i don’t know either-i think i love him-but I really wonder. I am alone all the time. The last counselor I met with said to me, if your husband talked to you would you stop talking to your ex- and i said i could do that. Problem #1-"if my husband talked to me" – you see nothing I say is important to him-he doesn’t value my opinion asked or not-but turns around after shutting me up/or down at that time- and uses what i say, and i look at him confused. He apparently hears what I say but “he” came up w-that idea or thought. If it doesn’t involve him-he does not want to hear it. He thinks I am stupid- literally. I love to laugh, i laugh at goofy stuff-that is who i am. i naturally have a smile and attract all people alike-i am the person who is not snotty to anyone, don’t judge anyone- cares about people’s feelings-puts myself second to take care and help my family-his family – because before me he charged his parents for his help-and I felt that was crude to charge your parents when they need help. I feel he takes advantage of my weakness. I live in a house w-a man who doesn’t talk to me unless it’s about his work or something going on w-him. When you are married I was under the impression it was US, We, and when he talks it’s I, Me. I have to ask him every question possible because for him to make a complete sentence because he doesn’t volunteer anything; i have asked him why can’t when I ask a question can’t he just tell me what i want to know vs. me asking a 100 questions-he knows what he is doing. He is the type that if he doesn’t tell you he didn’t lie. If he wants you to know something, he will tell you – and that is not always voluntary. It’s embarrassing when we go to his company functions and I am the only spouse that doesn’t know anything. I hear more from idle chatter and have on occasion not liked what I have heard. I have had his business partners pat me on the back and say I don’t know how you do it. (meaning in dealing w-him) He is the guy everyone wants to go out drinking, hunting, and fishing with but none of them invite him to their house to hang out. He has business friends/associates. He keeps everyone, including his own family, at arm’s length away. No one is close to him. At 49 years old he finally had a break down when I went out w-some friends and came home really late, I was in no hurry to come home to – nothing. I told him I was leaving, I have had enough and things were not getting any better.

written by confusionfollowsme, 17 September, 2012

Part 2 of 2: He disappeared for 3 days and then upon his return went and talked to his mom and older brother –BUT funny thing is – he used his dad passing away 6 months prior as his excuse for what he was going thru. What about the prior 12 years – what excuse do you have there I wonder? I have given him the benefit of the doubt. I feel like I am talking in circles – because I am – repeating myself over and over. This person who loves being around family and friends, loves laughing, and loves feeling apart of someone has pushed everyone away. Human nature is to talk about the things you are experiencing at that time and because I am in the same shape I was 2-5-8- 10 years ago – these days I don’t hang with my friends or family much and have nothing to talk about because I don’t want to bore them w-my problems. I know in my heart I wish for a glimpse of hope that things will get better- but all they have done is get worse. To add, for the past 13 years of marriage plus 1 year dating I can say at minimum he uses a “disagreement” we have had and says it’s an “argument” and will go drinking at least 3 to 4 times a year, the entire relationship – I don’t know with who or where – and come home late, late. I get a half answer but I know there is more. He won’t text me back or answer his cell, won’t even tell me he’s not coming home, I figure that out on my own. Then when he’s drunk heading home I “used” to get a phone call asking “ you looking for me” – I did answer to see if by chance it’s an emergency because that is the person I am- but know it’s not down deep, and more times than not I end up hanging up on him. Now he just comes home when he’s dang ready- no warning. Some of you may ask – have I ever cheated on him? The answer is NO. I am guilty of talking to my ex-husband and because he asked I shared what was discussed-noting of interest to him and nothing incriminating to me. I volunteered information that was innocent to my husband feeling like I was not hiding anything – having a honest relationship is what I thought it was. My husband brings up stuff that he knows I did or has heard about before we were even together. I live in constant silence watching what I say and I pick my battles when I do say anything. Example- this past weekend Fri-Sun we might have said 10 words to each other and most of it was what do you want for dinner because neither of us was cooking. If we have sex it’s because I initiate it- and that hasn’t happened much lately. Most of the time these past few weeks he has slept on the couch. I think he knows I am tired of our situation. I have seen a few emails he has exchanged w-a customer recently and it’s “Hey Sweetie”, “can’t wait to see you”, and her responses are “hey guy” “I’m been doing good”– she is married and probably wants to keep it that way it sounds to me. I am not sure why I have my head up my butt – and I know I deserve better but stick around for this. That glimpse of hope things will get better wont and I know it – I just can’t seem to get enough courage to make the right move for me- take care of me for a change, another problem I have been asked to work on. Making me #1 for once. I feel lost and alone, even though no one has turned their back on me – I think they all know I just need my space to get thru this. 13 years and there is so much more I could add – and I know the question is why – why are you still there. And I just can’t answer it

written by alsoconfused, 15 October, 2012

i know exactly how u feel,u get up everyday and say today will be the day.Then u find yourself doing the routine,and cant break from it. You cant escape this feeling in your gut..the thought of starting all over is scary.and that’s just it that’s your why because you are scared to try something else you have become so used to this,its almost like your good at it.You have become good at the one thing you hate. I’m sorry if I sound harsh or strange.you just described my situation and it really touched me. and i have never posted anything anywhere before i just read ppl stories,but yours just connected with me and i’m so glad that i’m not crazy for feeling this way.its also really easy for ppl to say just leave sometimes its not that easy,but sometimes it is.

thanks for your story.

written by co-dependant, 16 December, 2012

I have been married 10 years – together 13. My husband had 2 affairs before our wedding and he fathered a child with one woman. We did counseling and stayed together. I believe he was faithful in our marriage for nearly 8-9 years. He left me a month before I was due to give birth to our second child and denied another woman was involved. I found out about her months later. For a 2 year period we were off and on. He moved in and out of our home 4 times. 6 months ago we reconciled again – I thought for good. He hit rock bottom after I discovered he had gone back to his mistress, was living in his car, tried to kill himself, it was so so bad. He read self help books and got therapy from a few different counselors. We were back on track. Then we had some major major stress in our lives – I won’t go into it but things were hard in the marriage coupled with the fact we were trying to reconcile. I caught him last week emailing his mistress (of 2 years) and he had just begun emailing another woman he met through work. I again kicked him out.
Now he says he has a sex addiction. He says he has no self esteem and no self worth because he was molested, bullied every day (the bullies beat him up several times a week and nearly killed him with their car once), his parents abandoned him etc. He says he realizes he has not faced any of these issues inside him and these are the reasons he cheats. He swears to me that he knows what he needs to fix now. The trouble is I don’t believe him. Not now. I know I have to end this. I worry I don’t have the strength to stick to my guns. I am educated, make more than enough money to live without him, own my own home, am a strong woman, a good mother, have family and friends supporting me, have my own career, my own pension, heck I even have a signed separation agreement already from the last time we were separated. Everything is in place for me to move on with my life but I feel paralyzed. I feel so in love with my husband and so desperate for us to grown old together and give our children a nuclear family. I just can’t be a sister wife. My husband is so good at begging for my forgiveness and telling me he will never stop trying to fix himself for me.
Why am I such a sucker.
For now he has his own place and that is that. I am taking this one day at a time. I am getting counseling but I have been for years and I still can’t seem to get it. I keep making excuses like, marriage needs to be worked on and I need to support my husband in getting better. I keep reading that marriages can be stronger after affairs and couples can be closer than ever. I just can’t seem to believe my husband will remain faithful. If I know in my heart he can’t stay faithful forever...why do I want to stay? Is he really my best friend? I hate relationships.