Past Comments – Shocking discovery about my husband's cheating and fetishes

written by Guest, 09 May, 2006

You should not blame yourself. He is responsible for his own action. You trusted him.

I am in the same boat...
written by Guest, 25 May, 2006

Hello,
I cried as I read this. The same has happened to me and I feel so totally lost and betrayed. I wish you could email me and tell me how things are going so far... I am thinking of calling a counselor tonight. If you respond to this post, I will post my email address.

written by Guest, 29 May, 2006

I completely understand. My husband and I are going through the same thing, only that he got caught up with some neighbors of ours who were into 3 somes. I found out about 4 years later to also find out the neighbors had got a divorce because she fell in love with my husband and they have been seeing each other the past 2 and a half years. He says he has cut it off with her but she continues to try and call him. I watch the phone bills also.

Husbands Deceptions and Lies
written by Guest, 17 June, 2006

Last year my husband starting working for a new company where traveling is necessary. After one particular trip with his boss I found out that the two of them were going out wearing T-Shirts that said "I Love Sex." During that trip they met a couple of women that were artist at a art show displayed on the street for the public. Two weeks later he met one of them in Mexico to do a photo shoot for his company and I was the last one to find out. It was only after he got back and was talking to a friend that he told him about this trip with her. When I confronted him he said he did not tell me because he knew I would be upset and did not want to have the confrontation with me before he left. Since then he has returned to Mexico on business and met another woman during this trip and spent time with her one night during one of the functions they attended. I found a email to her from him in English and Spanish telling her how much he enjoyed spending time with her and that he was very comfortable with her. He also let her know when he planned on returning to Mexico in hopes they could see each other again. Her return email told him that she was attracted to him and she too had a good time. She ended the email sending her love and kisses.
I got an attorney that day and confronted my husband. He said that it was no bid deal and that he knew she was attracted to him and used that to his benefit to get contacts for his business in other places in Mexico. He swears that he has never had an affair although he has thought about it and even flirted with other women hoping it would turn into something. He said that he would chicken out because he just could never do anything like that to me or us. We have had several fights over this behavior and he promises that he will never do anything like this again and of course he will change.
I feel so stupid if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck... it must be a duck right?
I told him if I ever found out that he was a duck there would be no discussion that he would receive divorce papers instead. After 17 years of marriage I never thought I would be in this position. After he looked me in the eyes and swore he has never had any physical contact with any other woman I still can’t believe him. Now I feel like I am going mentally insane and becoming obsessed with find the truth on way or the other. I have good days and bad days now I am left standing here still full of doubt. There was a time where I could trust my intuition but today I don’t know. This entire thing is making me sick inside and out. There has got to be a better way.

written by Guest, 01 September, 2006

It is so sad to read that you are spending your lives checking up and monitoring the person who should love you most in the world. Have you such a bad opinion of yourself that you are willing to put up with this behaviour? Or could it just be that you have built your life around and with this man and you are too frightened to start out again? I’m not sure how you will ever trust your husband again, which will make you hollow and bitter for the rest of your life (and make him miserable too). When you say you still love your husband are you sure it isn’t just dependence on your current life and the familiar? Maybe you should set yourself and him free and find someone who can love you with gentle decency or trust yourself enough to know you will be just fine on your own. Look calmly deep down inside, take a big deep breath and realize that this marriage isn’t good enough for you. Be as strong for you as you are trying to be for your marriage and let him go.

written by Guest, 18 September, 2006

That said it best for me. I am humiliated by my husband’s affair. He seems to have no guilt. He wants me to stay also but I rally think I need to get myself together and realize I am better than this. I am tired of being used. I feel like my whole marriage is a lie at this point.

written by Guest, 11 December, 2006

My former fiance met several women online and had sex with them in nearby hotels. He is an incredibly attractive man who women seem to flock to, and a few years into our relationship I started to wonder whether his behavior toward them was flirtatious or friendly. I started doubting my judgment as my internal dialogue would vacillate between "he would never" to "how can he resist?" A seed of doubt was planted in the back of my head, which never felt good to have. We were engaged and a few months before our wedding I was on our computer and his email folder was minimized at the bottom of the screen. I opened it up and sure enough, there was an "internet sex" folder in his account. I opened that up and was horrified to find several emails to and from women that included very descriptive details as to what they wanted to do with each other and subsequent emails that recounted what they DID do to each other. I checked the dates and they were all written late at night, long after I had fallen asleep. The sad thing is that we both went to bed at the same time, reading together, talking, chatting, sharing good time, etc. I would fall asleep and at some point he would wake up to write porn emails to women and schedule sex dates. I would wake up in the morning with him at my side totally unaware of his nocturnal cheating habits. How horrible!
He was away on business when I found this out. One of the emails in his sex folder was from a woman in Denver, the city he was visiting. Like a crazy person, I called her number and pleaded with her not to sleep with my fiance. She was part of a three woman team who posted an internet sex site and said she was not the woman he was going to meet, but that she would pass my pleading along to her "co-worker." He finally came home and when confronted, said he felt terrible and that he wanted to kill himself. Like a fool, I consoled him and then later tried to get to the bottom as to WHY he cheated so many times. He said that my little grain of suspicion hurt him so terribly that he wanted to do what I accused him of. He said that I compromised the integrity of our relationship by questioning him and that I should not have been surprised at his actions. He totally turned the situation on me. Amazing!!!

As heartbreaking as it was to leave that relationship after five wonderful years, I had to, of course. My wedding dress had been handmade and short of the last tailoring, was ready for the big day. The dog and I took it to the dumpster and promptly disposed of it. It was so sad.
A little while after I left I started to blame myself for the dissolution of our relationship. I wondered if I pushed him into it, if I caused him to stray, if maybe I wasn’t the stupidest woman in the world not to know that the loving man who fell asleep beside me every night was actually a serial cheater. How could I not know?
Finally I accepted the truth that he would have cheated no matter what I did. His relative lack of true remorse for what he did was startling, but I know he would have done that no matter who he was with. That he tried to deflect blame and put it all on my is awful, but the worst part is that I betrayed myself by doubting myself in a truly fundamental way. That ended up being the worst pain I had to endure, that which I caused myself.

So, to the women who have gut feelings that he might be cheating, he very well may be.

To any woman who takes the blame for him doing so, please, please don’t. Men and woman can be master manipulators of their partners feelings and these near sociopathic tendencies should not be rewarded by betraying your own judgment and intuition. If you think it is true, is probably is!
Once you know it, you have the choice to leave or work it out. To anyone experiencing this situation, you are not alone and you are NOT crazy.
Sites like adultfriendfinder support the sad truth that there are many married women and men sleeping around. I cannot believe how brazen people are.

OMG!!!!!!
written by junet2005, 29 December, 2006

I don’t know what I would do if I ever found out my husband was cheating. My heart goes out to all of you women. I had similar problems with my first fiance, who I did not marry. I came to this site to try and find out information for my sister, who may be going through the same thing as the rest of you.

If my husband ever did something like that to me, he would never have sex again, unless he had surgery.

written by Guest Jeremy, 27 April, 2007

I found out 6 months ago my wife had an anonymous friend at work. I only found out because my best friend went to pick-up his wife and saw my wife leaving with this guy while I worked late to provide extra money for our family – we have two young boys. My friend promptly called me and told me. He said he questioned his wife to see how much she knew, she said she knew she had the friend but thought I knew because of how friendly they seemed – what a crock. I confronted my wife about it and she said he was just a friend and that he was married also. So, so I called his wife and told her about the situation. Well, my wife said she would break it off and never speak to him. My buddy’s wife went on maternity leave and when she returned found that my wife had picked right back up with this guy were she left off. So again I confront my wife and she says she did not know why she had to be his "friend." So I called him out this time, he said he thought it was ridiculous on my part to not let them be friends, and that we must have problems. I told him that the lying and deception the two of them shared was my problem. I threatened him with his safety (which probably wasn’t the best course of action) but it made me feel like I had been heard without there being any doubt. My wife stood there as we confronted each other, telling me if I hurt him she would leave me. That was when I knew it was far more then just an honest friendship between them. It has been 2 months now since my last discovery of her lying and deceit. She still claims to this day it was all just an emotional relationship, and because of our kids I have been trying to get past this. But I do not believe a word that comes from her mouth nor do I think she has stopped seeing him. I try and plan breaks at work to catch her as she works across the street and was taking breaks with this guy for weeks before I found out about them and their car rides and walks together. I am hurt by the thought of her doing this to me. I am in an emotional battle when I do not know where she is or who she is with. I check her cell phone records daily and monitor her computer usage at home. I just feel like I should not have to do those things or feel this way. Things erupt into daily arguments and accusations, which I know isn’t healthy in fixing this nor is it healthy for the kids to sense their parents are falling apart from each other. I toil daily with the thought of divorce and hope to find either inner peace one day with her or by myself with the kids. I am lost in a way I struggle to find my way out. I want to say also, if you think your other is cheating, they probably are. I can tell you even when you think it is going well, it may not be going as well as you think. Remember a seed of deceit will sow a field of doubt.

written by Hurt, 03 October, 2007

I have been married for two months and just found out a week ago my husband cheated on me a few months before we tied the knot. He claimed that it was only emotional not physical... but that hurts even more. It was with a coworker who is married and just had a baby a few days ago. I don’t believe anything he says. I am in shock because I really thought we had a great relationship (dated 4 years before getting married). I feel like he deceived me to a point that I could never let him touch me again. I mean he told the other girl in a 4 page love letter that if he could do it again he would 100 percent be with her and that he compares her to me daily, etc. I just don’t know what to do. I don’t feel that any kind of outside help would help me. Please help.

written by tsheff, 11 March, 2008

To all those who are reading these emails trying to find a place of peace... I am a person of faith who believes in sticking it out during the hard times in marriage... I believe in second chances... I believe in the fact we are human and constantly make mistakes. I also believe that there are instances where the actions do not warrant a second chance or a renewal. It revolves around attitude and willingness. I was married for 18 yrs. 15 of those years, my husband consistently lied to me resulting in uncovered affairs... one right after another. I forgave and moved on. I was young at the time, not realizing my inner value. Looking back, after divorcing him for the 4th affair... the only thing I was guilty of was not trusting my intuition and loving myself enough to move on after the first incident. One thing I have learned, even post divorce, once a liar... always a liar. The only reason I think lying should be forgotten is when the man or woman shows remorse and to the point that they are convicted through a series of events to correct and completely move away from the actions of lying (all together). These actions must be intentional and must require accountability and he or she must show that they realize what they have done to the relationship and know the road may be tough to travel back to trust. They must also bring the one hurt to a place of peace... that means the person who has lied must make a conscience effort (on their own) to bring the one they hurt to the point of knowing it is going to change and things WIll be different. The article on this website which explains the steps to building trust gives a great blueprint of what the one who was hurt SHOULD expect... all steps have to be followed by the one who did the lying. But, more importantly they must WANT to follow through on these suggestions... to the point it seems overkill almost. To sum it up, you should never stay with someone who lies unless they show you without a doubt over a long period of time they are in control of themselves and the hurt they place upon you. If they are not willing to follow the advice given on this website to rebuild trust and do in on their own without reminding or prompting... YOU MUST LEAVE THE RELATIONSHIP IMMEDIATELY! Now... as an interesting twist... I have been with a man, who has other great qualities, for the last six months... But, I caught him in a large lie in the beginning and he has since been involved in another. I have ended the relationship. I have given him a copy of the steps to rebuilding trust (which is on this website). Now I must take time away and watch in the shadows and observe his attitude and see if he will be one of the few who will consciously turn it around on his own.In the meantime, it is important for me to continue in another walk of life. I will write again and update the site on if I had to follow my own advice to never return or if this man will be one of the few who is concerned about learning from his mistakes enabling his to build a stronger character.

written by alunar, 24 March, 2008

A lie by the person you trust is a tap on the shoulder that the person you believe you are with is NOT that person at all... that is what unravels your whole world... particularly when the liar is your husband or wife. Nothing is as it seems to be... as you believed it to be... A lie just makes the world you created together... and thought you lived in together side by side... collapse.
You begin to believe its your fault... or that you don’t deserve better... or that the other person didn’t mean it... NOT TRUE. Unless there are extraordinary circumstances... step away from all liars. Deception is an ugly thing. It will make you bitter and poison everything unless you LOVE YOURSELF enough to move on... because there can be no love from a liar and one who has deceived you.
Just my two cents.

written by maradean, 01 November, 2008

RE: Tsheff Thank you so much for your wise words. My heart has been breaking ever since I discovered my husband of 5 years has been lying to me for approximately a year about where he goes and what he’s doing when apart. I have really been struggling with this and am in a great deal of pain because I am unable to let it go an move on as he says. More than anything, validation for the pain they have caused with their deceit and understanding for the need to make amends is in order. Thanks again for posting!

written by Name, 24 January, 2009

So, what if you find out your partner has fetishes they were too afraid to tell you about, thinking you’d laugh and/or insult them – but you discreetly find out what they are and are NOT against them?

I don’t know what to do, I tried to hold in what I found, but obviously I couldn’t, and over a series of months let out my suspicions from time to time. Every time I was metaphorically slammed back down into a hole. My boyfriend won’t admit what I have solid proof of, and will either break up with me if I mention it (because he can’t take that I don’t believe him), or "confess just to shut me up, because it’s the only way I’ll be happy" (in which case he will become completely cold, unfeeling, and unemotional..until he finally says he’s just doing what I "want" of him, and he’s actually innocent). I don’t want to lose him, but I don’t want him to lose all feeling either! Either reality kills me, and it’s pointless, because I’m not even that upset over what he’s done. I just want to KNOW about it, and men never seem to realize this. The first time they are hurt by your reactions, they "teach" themselves to expect that painful response again and again. I’m trapped.

I think my only hope right now is to just set it aside for a while. I’ll keep checking up on him every few weeks when it comes to mind. I’ll keep saving evidence. I’ll wait until enough time has passed from me agreeing to drop the subject, for it to become old, and for him to have enough time to reconsider how I react to knowing, and feel comfortable with me. That’s all I want. For him to not be afraid of this to the point he has to only fulfill such desires in secret. He’s young, yet, and I’m going to keep faith that he can grow up and realize I can be trusted with these things. I may worry from time to time that his breakup threats meant more than they did, but LOL OBVIOUSLY IF HE REALLY WANTED TO GET OUT OF OUR RELATIONSHIP HE CAN FIND FULFILLMENT OUTSIDE OF IT RIGHT?

People are so afraid of many parts of themselves, as they are taught to be, and I can understand this. I’m willing to take the brunt of this if I find he can never really share ALL his sexual desires with me. Until then, I’ll keep trying to show him he can be comfortable with me..

written by anonym, 13 April, 2009

Name:

Don’t you have the least respect for yourself? Don’t you believe you deserve better? Not only is your bf deceiving you, he’s also accusing you of suspicion! This is disgusting..if he can’t find sexual pleasure w/you...then he should leave forever. It is not your duty to make him feel comfortable. If a man is a cheater, it is NOT your fault and so you have nothing to do to prevent it.

written by anonymous 2, 16 April, 2009

The guest that wrote on 9/01/06...I have been working through a very similar situation as all these other entries...last summer, I found out my husband had been into porn for years, going to strip clubs since we got married 15 years ago. For the last several years,our relationship had gotten stagnant...but I didn’t realize he was stepping out...putting himself on multiple dating sites...developing inappropriate relationships with women at work..and had even gone out on dates with them...bringing one back to our house while our children and I were out of town.

I was devastated. Over the course of 3 months I continued to discover more about him that he had previously lied about to cover up. he swears he loves only me and is so sorry for everything, realizes how wrong it was and vows that he loves only me. But he still works with those women and they don’t know that any of this has come out...he doesn’t want to make an issue at work because he’s embarrassed, but I know they still contact him and one is very aggressive and flirtatious (and married). I can’t stand it and find myself scouring his emails...how can I (or should I) believe him? It is so hard for me to move on knowing he sees them all the time...although he still swears nothing physical ever happened with anyone...I can’t get the images of all the strip clubs, online dating sites and him going out with these women out of my head. I love him and want to make it work...but am I being realistic in trying to trust him?

After I read the 9/01/06 posting....I immediately burst into tears...I had to wonder if that was ‘me’ you were referring to? I feel so broken an lost sometimes.

written by what should I do?, 25 July, 2009

I’m setting her reading the stories and tears are running down my face. I’ve been married only 2yrs and just found out my husband cheated on me while I was 6mo pregnant. With a girl he was with previous. Now they say she is pregnant. He said he’s not sure if it is his or not. I dont know her I found out in a meeting with the pastor of our church who he confessed to after he did it.They said they didnt want to tell me while I was pregnant didnt want me to loose the baby. I feel so confused I feel I cant trust him. Apart of me wants to stay and a part wants to leave. I think of our 4mo old baby and her not having her father and mother together.I dont want her to go through that.
Now I question his every move and I dont like leaving like this.I fell why live wondering if your husband is cheating on you.I dont even like sleeping in the same bed some nights. It makes me feel like he doesn’t care about me or the baby by putting us at risk with sleeping with someone unprotected. Of course he says he had protected sex. My thing is well why is she saying she is pregnant with your child? I was upset with the pastor as well for not telling me what was going on. sometimes i feel like taking the baby and just leaving.
he try to say he noy like that anymore and he wants forgiveness. I dont even want to kiss him I’m angry inside. I told my girlfriend at church i didn’t no what to do. I felt someone would tell them anyway. The way the girl is going around telling everyone. I didn’t tell my family they would be furious.
Then I feel the only reason he told me because he did’nt want me to find out through someone else. because my sister found out through one of her customers. The girl whose pregnant sister! Its alot and I’m overwhelmed at this point.

What should i do?

written by hurt woman, 18 October, 2009

i recently found out my husband looks at porn and pleasures him self im not sure how long this has been going on but i think its been a long while. im so hurt that he lies about the porn but the same time i feel at least its not a real woman, but how do i know it wont lead to that? weve been together for 10 yrs and i never thought he would be doing this he still wants sex all the time but i feel ugly because i feel hes thinking about the porn.i have tried to do things to see if it would change the obsession with the porn but it doesnt.will i ever feel like im worth anything in this relationship?is it always gonna be in my mind im lost and hurt.

written by hurt too, 16 December, 2009

I’m almost pretty sure my husband cheated on me right before the wedding too. I feel it escalated from his porn addiction. We have been together a total of 6 1/2 yrs(we have been married for 7months). I would say the porn thing has really gotten much worse the last 3yrs. I started noticing it and then noticing that he never wanted to have sex, EVER...
We went like 10 months without having sex once. I would try to ask what was wrong and he would say he felt fat and that he needed to lose weight and that it wasn’t me but I really never bought it.
I would check his email from time to time and not see anything suspicious. I would see porn spam but nothing alarming.
When we came back from our honeymoon I noticed him chatting with a old friend who happens to be a girl...they dated and I know had sex a couple of times b4 he met me. Needless to say, I am not happy that they still talk. The next day I went into his chat and read it and they were talking about meeting up without their spouses, which infuriated me.
I then decided to go to his phone bill and see if he had ever called her. I saw a # and decided to call and it was disconnected, I then googled it and it was an escort agency. I was in shock
I then proceeded to go onto his email and BAM, email after email to hookers (from craigslist mostly) Some were in depth...he would explain how he was a professionail looking for a good time and some were just like an address. He also had an account on Ashley Madison. It was all so bizarre b/c i didn’t see any follow up emails. I don’t know if he was just chatting or if he actually met any of these women.
I was sick, I threw up and didn’t eat for days. I confronted him and as usual he blamed me...blah blah. He told me that it was a joke and that he never did anything and that he never would. Keep in mind his last correspondence was to a girl to meet for coffee just 10 days before my wedding.
It’s been 7 months and I am just always depressed and sad. I hate him and I want a divorce soooooo bad. All he does is talk about how he wants a baby and the thought of having a baby with him right now sickens me.
I haven’t left him b/c I just can’t face my friends and family. People would never believe it. He had me sooo fooled...I can’t even explain it. Picture the most perfect relationship you know...that’s what people thought of us...people would be shocked it they knew what happens behind closed doors.
I am just at a stand still right now and just trying to figure out how I’m going to end this sham of a marriage and move on with my life.
If your husband is looking at porn on a daily basis and not sleeping with you, you should definitely watch out. B/c I am so liberal about everything, I was letting it slide, but obviously I should have been snooping.
What I know is that I will never trust again...it is going to take a lot.

written by Destroyed, 17 December, 2009

My fiance was seeing a girl for 2.5 years, I found out November 13 when she emailed me with a pic of the two of them in a sex act. This was not a love relationship, they were totally into BDSM and he was her Dom and he was training her to be his Sub, it was about power and control. I knew none of this. Our wedding was to be November 21, but he killed himself the morning of November 14 over the shame and guilt of his betrayal. I am destroyed. Why don’t people think about what the devastation they are wreaking when they do these things. I hate the girl, and to be honest, a big part of me hates him too but he isn’t here for me to be angry at, I will be in heavy therapy for a long long long time.

written by Honest Man, 05 January, 2010

I’m a single man who started an online relationship through a very reputable online dating site. The site sent matches based upon a thorough list of criteria. After long 3-5 hour conversations I began to develop deep feelings for her. I decided to visit her after being in constant contact for a month. When I arrived for the weekend we were a very tight couple and our bond grew. She travels a lot so I did not think nothing was going on when she said she would go out of town to meet her friend in late November. When she was there our communication stop due to what she stated was phone difficulties. She just visited me and I arbitrarily brought up the weekend stating I know what happened in Virginia. She just confessed and stated she was trying to end something with a guy before going on with me. She later accused me of playing mind games to get the truth. She is a real class act LOL. People like her is selfish and don’t feel guilty deceiving others about their lies. I just wanted to let all the women know that there are men out there who are honest and looking for a monogamous relationship. I put Honesty and Trust in a lateral position with Love.

written by txgrl, 07 February, 2010

i’ve been with my bf for about 3 years and we’ve been living together for a little over 2 years... he’s from mexico, but since living with me he only goes and visits his family during the christmas break. he doesn’t work here because he doesn’t have a working permit. i am the one that provides for the house. he helps me a lot with cooking, and with things that i need to do for my job. he is usually depressed because he is not doing anything here and feels useless. i believe that just as a man can provide for a woman, it can be the same way around, so to me that wasn’t a problem.
This past holiday season, he went back to Mexico and spent a whole month there, while the past 2 years it had only been 2 or 3 weeks the most. Over that time, he rarely called me and asked me a couple of times to send him some money for his dental work (he had helped me with a job i did so i figured it was fair enough to share some of the profits with him).
before he came back, we chatted on the messenger and he told me how much he missed me and how much i had changed him. that he was a better person because of me, and that he wanted me to be able to go to grad school this year, after putting it off for 2 to 3 years.
Once he came back, he started organizing an event that would take place back in his town in mexico for which he would have to go back for a couple of days. (the event did happen and it was a success). A couple of days before he left, he said his friend, a girl that was helping him out with the event back in mexico had asked him for an embarrassing favor: if he could please buy her some victoria’s secret undies (you know, 5 for $25!), so we both went to the store and bought them for her, well, i bought them. his friend was going to reimburse him and he would bring me the money back.
He decided to leave his laptop here, and that’s where this gets complicated.

cont’d next...

written by txgrl, 07 February, 2010

cont’d from previous post...

I turned it on so that i could copy some pictures he had downloaded from my camera to free up its memory, but never passed them on to me... while doing this, i see a few folders that appeared to be new, from his recent trip home. i looked at them and the pictures were all really nice, showing the town, the people, nature, etc... i went up to the documents folder and saw one with meaningless letters as the name. opened it up, and one of the folders in it had pictures from a place in a different state from where he is. the first picture only shows the corner of a room, but i immediately knew it looked like a hotel room. that’s when my biggest suspicions began. i kept looking at the pictures in that same folder and it also seemed like a nice town, but no more pics from the hotel or anyone else. in about 3 pictures there was a girl in a summer dress, but i thought maybe that was the friend helping him out with the event. then, his skype opened up and with my curiosity and suspicion building up, i looked over his contacts... one of them, a girl, had a name that coincided with the letters in the folder name. THAT WAS IT. i found ALL the evidence there. he had been talking with her since november, and while he was in mexico for the holidays they met up. i still don’t know if he already knew her from before or just online. after checking my phone records and the timestamps from their conversations, i figured one of the times he asked for money, was when they went down to that other state for their "good times". after reading their conversations for about 2 hours, i realized that she has no clue about me, he mentions that their sexual encounter meant a lot to him and it wasn’t just sex but more than that, and that he is all hers "mind, body and soul", and she of course is under the illusion that he’s the greatest person ever. he has made her believe that he lives alone in the states, that he has a job as an instructor in the local college, that he usually goes to eat at different restaurants, goes to cultural events, and that he’s even studying at the local university. i couldn’t believe my eyes. he even went as far as telling her that ALL OF HIS MONEY went to paying for the rent of HIS place, and FOOD, and other expenses. he said he would FIGHT someone so that he could get VACATIONS from his job during summer and that way they could meet again.... i was there reading all that when it hit me, the panties were probably for her, and here i was BUYING THEM!!! i actually just finished chatting with him and he’s supposedly bringing the money, we’ll see.
He’s also a compulsive liar, not just to me but to other people. to most if not all of his friends, he’s been telling that he works as a teacher and that he has his own place, etc...
It’s all those things plus some others, that i’ve come do discover in the last few days and it’s killing me to know that the person i’ve spent the last 3 or so years with, has lied to me in such manner.
i don’t hate this girl, it’s not her fault, but i’m seriously considering getting in touch with her to warn her about him. to let her know all the TRUE facts about him and our lives here. I of course am considering ending the relationship as soon as he’s back, but i have no clue how to do it or if i should just wait a bit longer and see how things play out until the right moment.
this is my dilemma.... any advice?

written by eve11, 24 February, 2010

i must say that these stories all sound familiar to mine. I recently found out that my boyfriend has been seeing escorts he..taking on my intuitions over the last month i decided to keep an eye on him and logged onto his computer to find that he had a private email that he was emailing to see the availability of 2 escorts in particular. When i confronted him he really had nothing to say to me and kind of blew me off..infact eventually he made up some story to try and cover his tracks but i know it was a lie...he has always had a fetish for latex and i never really got into it, but i wore it for him and thats as far as it goes..we rarely see each other and that means we rarely have sex thought when i do see him it seemed he wasn’t that interested and now i see why...its cus he was getting it elsewhere...the funniest part about this is that he still denies it and even after i showed the evidence claimed that he had never cheated whilst we have been together but more or less confessed that when we were on a break he did cus he didn’t want to fall in love with anyone and that it was just sex and nothing else...im not too sure if his fantasies go further than this but i believe that he has some deep fantasies that he feels he could not talk to me about therefore went and seeked out escorts...either way i know i don’t deserve this and to all of you who have found out about your mans secret life...its not you its simply them...now unless your willing to completely let him have you involved...he will continue to get it elsewhere that he feels he won’t be judged or humiliated. Men need to feel comfort and needed and unfortunately if it means straying then it means that.. they will do it and hide it and deny it even when you have the proof right infront of them and its only because they are ashamed.. if he really is sorry then he will show it and you will know...most likely they will let you know what they would like whether it’s emotional support or sexual support as in being involved in their fantasies..its entirely up to you whether you stay of go...as for me im still thinking about it...but i do agree these situations are difficult and should not be taken lightly..but as soon as you ever find anything confront them...sometimes men need to be caught to realize that they need to communicate..and ladies try and be understanding but if its gonna put your life and health at risk..then i say get rid of him..no one deserves to be deceived and no one deserves to be mistreated..

written by eve11, 25 February, 2010

Hi all, I recently busted my boyfriend who was seeking out escort services... when I confronted him he kept denying it and told me some story. He still kept denying it and has not admitted to it. I realize my biggest mistake was to react immediately as the only form of proof was not too concrete and still could have been only speculation. By the same token if you have a gut feeling it’s happening. Now after speaking to a girlfriend who was going through the same things with her bastard of a man we decided that you don’t necessarily have to make the decision to leave them... it’s not easy to say "OFF" to your heart. And no matter what anyone says, we know this is the truth why make yourself miserable by hurting yourself more and you may even leave and then somehow find some reason to come back that can actually make you seem weaker than if you stay till your ready to go with a vengeance. Now this may not work for all but ultimately the idea is to get to higher thinking about yourself and the situation... here it goes, stay with the cheater keep your emotions at bay, look elsewhere in the meantime... go on some dates and see other people. If you can’t see yourself screwing someone else more power to you, but if you can more power to you as well. Thing is we women are conditioned to act prim and proper and men don’t realize we have urges too, just that we suppress it for societies sake. This is not necessary, if you loved someone and they screwed you over... it’s okay for you to think of your selfish needs to, why should you continue to be the perfect girlfriend or wife... what for they don’t deserve it. Typically as you do this your confidence will get better, your self-esteem will get better and so will your time schedule and priorities. Watch him freak out when suddenly your not needy anymore, and have better things to do, your preoccupying your own time and understanding that you really can do better but most of all it effectively helps you refrain from paranoia as your so busy focusing on your own secret. Now of course you don’t wanna get busted so get a second phone with another number and even use a different name and try and meet people very much off the similarity radar to your man help keep it as undetectable as possible. Like I said if your not ready to leave but know you don’t and really shouldn’t stay it doesn’t have to feel like setting your heart on fire after it’s been already trampled on... once again this may not work for all but for some who are happy to try something new you can..thing that cheaters need to realize is that whatever they are doing to you, you could eventually be doing it too, and its not your fault it’s theirs. As far as I’m concerned if the person who claims to love you can betray you by being selfish if you choose to make the decision to remain and try and fix things why shouldn’t you get a little selfish too. When your ready to dump his/her ass go for it... hope this helps someone.

written by richard724968, 06 May, 2010

Sorry but I’m not convinced men behave in this way for no reason. If you have lots of sex with someone and then de-prioritize your sex life as soon as you’ve got them on the hook (usually through marriage) then they will be tempted to go elsewhere for it. Women need to spend less time spying on their husbands and more time satisfying them. If you can’t, please don’t get married. It won’t work!

written by ---, 31 May, 2010

Though it was wrong of him to cheat on you, a thought to consider might be that he was afraid of telling you. For example, i have quite a few (fetishes) that I’m quite ashamed of. He might fear rejection or embarrassment, or you thinking less of him. I’ve asked my girlfriend to help me out with them but she refuses. I understand that its not a good reason, but he might just be satisfying his needs with someone he knows will enjoy it rather than threaten his marriage with you by bringing them up. What I’m saying is he might just be afraid or ashamed. You have a right to be devastated and angry but you should also just sit down and calmly talk with him about his fetishes and all these things he likes to do. Maybe you guys can work something out and he won’t go around? Just a thought you should consider.

written by anxiety annie, 15 December, 2010

I found out some months ago that my husband of not even a year has been cheating on me online, there are women as well as transgenders. He was drinking heavily and staying up till all hours of the morning tapping away on his laptop. There were messages of meeting up with the transgender in a bar and rubbing himself against their ass and the details get even more sordid. I had a break down because of his lies and deceit and am in counseling but all I get from my counselor is it is his problem not mine and to let it go... I don’t know how to!
If he is online after I go to bed I lay there wondering if he is at it again, if he is late home from work is he at that bar... I started to self harm as a way to release my frustrations and anxiety but as the counselor said it helps for the moment but not in the long run. So what does help? I don’t know. He was seeing a counselor himself and that lasted all of 3 visits then he was changing and canceling appointments because he didn’t feel well or there was something else to do, yet he took the days off that his company gave him. Is there a light at the end of the tunnel? Will trust be regained? Will I feel happy and at peace again?
Time will tell if we can stand the test of time.

written by Tammy S, 25 February, 2011

I went through the same ordeal in my marriage.But, I didn’t want to give up. Many couples are hurting and don’t know where to turn for help. You don’t have to despair with a Marriage In Crisis Every relationship experience some form of trial.It takes some work. But, it can survive and you can have a healthy marriage.

written by clee67, 09 March, 2011

I just celebrated my 20 year wedding anniversary, we have had a rough marriage and a lot of shitty things have happened. He started traveling for work in 2008 we were really on shaky ground at this time. He meet a woman while he was traveling of course I did not catch him at first but quickly figured out this number he was texting was this woman, he lied at first saying it was a guy he worked with while away and it must be his wife answering the phone. But after months of me calling this number and a woman answering he finally admitted ti the truth. We talked went and saw some one for a short time and then tried moving forward. Well he still has been traveling and this time he has put the NEW ones name under his brother cell phone number so each time she texts it came up his brothers name. He also was using a calling card so that her number did not show up on his cell phone. If I am correct from the cell phone bills the calls had only been going on for 2 months which would be about the last time he went away for work. I tossed him out the night I found her text saying Thank you Baby xoxox. But stupid me let him back in the next day. It has been two weeks and I am a mental case. Any suggestions?? Am seeking more employment to get some money together but does he deserve another chance???

written by amazed, 07 April, 2011

You sound like you don’t even like him anymore, why would you want to still be with him? This confuses me.You are appalled at his sexual appetites, you said in your own words.. "Our relationship other then that was so great that I was willing to go the rest of my life without sex because everything else was exactly what I wanted out of a partner."
You didn’t think that was a problem?

written by thoughtfulfood., 30 May, 2011

Why should one be disturbed by things that they are unwilling to listen and try to understand or know about?

Why do women gossip? Does anyone figure out that really it may have been something said or done that the partner decided it would be a good idea to try something else? how many times has the each criticized the other?
How many times did the partner say no?
How about when both started to ignore each other?
Life is about routine. Sometimes both may want to mix it up. And what lies between fact and fiction., sometimes we are barely justified.

written by Heartbroken_Because_I_Lied, 05 October, 2011

Hello All

I am writing from the point of view of someone who actually lied to the man I really loved and cared for deeply.

I met this man and we both felt a very strong connection for each other so we decided to see each other again.

So 4 weeks after I meet him we caught up again. And we spend a few days together. And I must tell you, those were the most magical days of my life. We has so much fun. And I was falling so in love with him and he fell for me as well.

He is such a beautiful person, both physically and in his heart. And he was so honest with me and opened up to me about lots of things about him that I needed to know we were to see each other long term. He was very together, and come across to me as someone who has been through some really tough times in his life but has worked through all his stuff and is now a very strong together and secure person. That I admire so much about him and those are some of the qualities that draws me closer to him. And the more I spent time with him and getting to know him, the more I fell for him and love him.

But I also feel insecure and vulnerable when I noticed how I was falling for him and attached I was getting to me. I on the other hand have got lots of emotional issues/baggage that I am carrying around from things that happen to me in the past and my past relationships. And I felt so scared that I did not measure up to his standards and that I may not be the person he deserves or wants. So what did I do? I lied about who I am, what I do, where I was. I lied about a lot of things about me. I mean I told him the truth about who I am (my name, age, work etc) but I also twisted certain things so that I will appear to him as someone who is together and as secure as him. When I lost my old job, I lied to him and said that I still have the job, because I don’t want him to see me as a failure. I was doing all this lying to be somebody else, somebody that is not me, somebody that I thought he would want. The lies when on for about a couple of months...and then bang!...he because suspicious and started questioning me. And he had the proofs and and I keep denying although he had the proof to prove that I was not telling the truth about me. Then later I came clean and told him everything, and that the only reason I lied was because I wanted to be somebody else, I wanted to be someone that he wants...

He was devastated...and I was devastated too. He has no trust in me ever again and decided that he doesn’t want to see me again unless he’s ready. He still loves me and he accepts me for who I am and that I don’t have to lie and pretend to be someone else. But the fact that I lied has broken his heart and caused him to have lost trust in me. And I can understand all that. I felt so bad and so sad and so sorry for what I have done. He wouldnt listen to anything I say now because he questions everything I say. I apologized genuinely and profusely and he accepted my apology and forgave me...be he still doesn’t trust me. And we both know that that’s not healthy for a relationship. I keep telling me that despite all the lies, I do love him and I do love him deeply and that’s genuine and comes from my heart. He said he believes that I love him and that he loves me too, but there’s trust issues there and that we are now going redefining where each of us stand in this relationship. We want to be in each other’s lives still...but possibilities of us being together as intimate partners is very slim because he doesn’t trust me anymore...and it’s going to be hard being in a relationship where there is trust issues.

He was so devastated and felt alone and hurt and vulnerable after finding out about my lies. I am devastated too. I am truly genuinely sorry for what I did. I really am sorry. I am so heartbroken right now. I really am. And although he has forgiven me for my lies, I still find it hard to forgive myself. It was me who messed up what could have been a very loving magical relationship between two people who love them so much.

I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’m sorry, really sorry for what I have done. I am trying to fix this, but it’s frustrating me that there is little I can do to fix the mess up I have created.

I love him, I am heartbroken, I can’t forgive myself and I don’t know what to do.

Heartbroken

written by The Musician, 07 November, 2011

People amaze me. I feel so bad for you all. The bottom line is this: People will cheat the first chance they get if they think they’ll get away with it. Chris Rock always says, "A man is only as faithful as his options" and that is absolutely true. I see it every single night.

See, I’m a professional musician in Los Angeles and do very high-profile gigs between 4-5 nights a week. Women proposition me all the time, and guess what?

Most are wearing wedding rings.

Just two nights ago, let’s call her Sara from Boston said, "I know you’re married. I saw the ring, and it doesn’t matter to me – I am, too. I’m in room 1040 across the street and I’m leaving tomorrow. No one will know". I told her goodnight and went home to my wife.

My wife has let herself go, too. I dunno, though – maybe I’m not the cheating kind, but I don’t screw around on her and I could. I just file these encounters in the spank bank and deal with it later. It is what it is. I know my wife – she’s lazy and will never regain her figure, but she’s the mother of my kid and I love her, so? No fucking around. It’s a headache anyway, managing the lies and stories and bullshit and I’m just too busy to deal with it.

The point is this:

If your wife/husband is moderately attractive and out with the girls/fellas?

They’re being hit on, and thinking about cheating on you.

If your wife/husband it out of town on business?

They’re being hit on, and thinking about cheating on you.

Bachelor/Bachelorette parties?

Lines are being crossed all night long.

I don’t make these rules. I didn’t make this reality. It’s just people and their wants and desires and the fact that for most people, this one on one thing is something they need a vacation from every now and then. I see it every single night. Men I know are married out with their mistresses. Married women in from Rhode Island making out with some lothario regular I’ve seen do it to over hundred before you came along, sweetheart. You aren’t special. You’re just easy.

You look at your significant other’s email/phone, chances are you’ll find something you won’t like. Why?

Because we never, ever, REALLY know each other. People show you who they want you to think they are, not who they really are.

Good luck out there.

written by AMC, 12 January, 2012

This is for the musician....
You have issues.. I have been around many musicians all over the United States.. and Married Musicians lie and cheat just the same as what is being spoke of. You are correct on a few things. However, my suspicion of you and your marriage is that putting a post on this wall raises a question of why you are even on here in the first place? Second, you talking about your wife the way you do is disrespectful and definitely not love, shame on you, I feel sorry for her. Maybe this was just another way to put out there (in case) your wife reads it to make you look innocent. You are no better than the men and women you speak of. This is a serious issue for many women and men and should not be taken lightly or with ignorance.

written by wild!!, 26 January, 2012

Yea I found out accidentally just yesterday m y husbands been meeting up with not only women but transsexuals via craigslist I haven’t confronted him yet I’ve told my mom and brother and their trying to pull that work this out with him and y’all made vowels till death as nicely as possible I told them they had me fucked up WHO DO I LOOK LIKE?? so it feels horrible my own family is siding with him because their trying to hold up this fake perfect family picture HELL NO! Family or not I’m doing what I have to do love it or hate it! He’s putting my health at risk! This Alimony is about to kick his ass!

written by Lost and wondering, 08 May, 2012

I never thought I would be in this situation... Thought I would just up and leave if this ever happened to "me"... yet here I am still here... Looking for hard evidence... My husband is very good at "talking" his way out of trouble with me.. and I love him so much that I think in a way I let him.. but he posted on Craigslist looking for the person that he had been with the week before and thinking about how to get them alone again... Then I find old craiglist emails.... which of course I cannot track or see what was sent... I could only wish that someone would be able to help me. I just need to see what he wrote... so that I can move on and make a decision. Is there anyone that can help.. I have paid money to many sites that promise help and I receive none. Just would like to find an honest person that could tell me what I could do. Lost

written by blueblu8e, 28 May, 2012

I have been sitting here reading all of your stories and feel for u I have been with my husband for 26 yrs he just told me the truth about an affair he had 12 yrs ago which I already new about with my sister inlaw and every time I asked him or told him I knew back then he said I was crazy so it finally stopped and we moved on and he came to me now to tell me I was not crazy and how much it hurt him that he hurt me he also has a highheelfetish thing and has asked me to indulge this for him and I have now he came to me last night and said he has been signed up on so website for this sort of thing and he needed me to know he has had 3 trample sessions with this on women but he say there was no sex involved but that he does think about being with other women but he loves me I cant believe him or trust him if the is no sex involved is it cheating he let me read his messages from her to him and him to her I found out he took her out to eat he tells her he wants to make her happy and smile but HE STILL TELLS ME ITS NOTHING any advice would be great cuz I don’t know what to do

written by saddenedbycheatingspouse, 05 July, 2012

I have been on a variety of sites dealing with relationship and marriage infidelity and it still boggles my mind about how seemingly decent, sane people who know -- or are supposed to know -- the difference between right and wrong will utterly destroy the lives of the ones they’re supposed to care for most, whom they’ve vowed to love, honor and cherish -- and protect. And the reasons for their cheating are based on pure selfishness and self-centered need, sexual, emotional or otherwise. And then come the lies, deceit and tracks-covering to compound the devastation and humiliation. I have been through it myself, betrayed by the one person I loved with all my heart and had made a life with for years -- an innately decent human being who has done a truly, bewilderingly evil thing: with his infidelity and his exploiting my belief in the stability and solidness of our marriage, he has stolen my sense of self, my pride, my self-respect, my ability to trust, my ability to laugh, to work, to function in the everyday world. I am submerged in emotional quick sand now. I have no balance, nothing to keep my steady and whole now. The world as I knew it is gone. My life has become a living nightmare; I’m existing in an altered state. And the damage extends beyond our home: it has affected -- infected -- our family and friends. Even his brother and sister are appalled; our friends are trying to be nonjudgmental but to say that they’re disappointed in his horrific behavior is an understatement. The silver lining? There are no children to hurt, thankfully. But the ripple effects are there, the collateral damage is considerable. Now, I have to dig deep for the opportunity underlying this disaster – to find a new life and identity, to cease thinking myself as part of a partnership but as someone who can stand on her own two feet and accomplish good things on her own, without relying on his backing or approval. I need to find my inner resilience and resourcefulness. This will take time; recovery from infidelity does not happen overnight. But with the help of dear friends and family and a good therapist, I know it’s possible. And I even hope to stay friends with my husband, who will become my ex-husband. Frankly, financially and in other ways, he’s in much worse circumstances than I am. He will have to live with the consequences of his behavior for the rest of his life and they will color every current and future relationship. I feel sorry for him, and yes, I still love him in some ways. But I have zero respect for him, and he knows it. To anyone reading these posts who may be thinking of cheating on a partner or significant other, please, I implore you: take a step back. THINK! Think about what you’re doing. Really, seriously, is the pain and anguish you’re about to unleash really worth it? Are you really that lacking in empathy and consideration for the one you’re supposed to care for and protect? Are you prepared to live with the consequences of your immoral, piggish behavior, perhaps for years, perhaps for the rest of your life? Please -- don’t. For Heaven’s Sake, just --don’t! Talk to a therapist, talk to your clergy person, join a support/12-step program, remove yourself from the temptation in any way possible. Reclaim your inner moral compass and behave like -- an adult, for Heaven’s Sake. To all those who have been cheated, my thoughts and prayers are with you. You will emerge stronger... give it time. You deserve the best things that life has to offer, and I hope you find them!

written by nyblack, 04 August, 2012

Hi, I have been reading all these stories and I can fell for all of you. I recently found out that my b/f has been replying to personal ads on Craigs List. OMG !!!, and to make matters worse, they a for the MEN seeking MEN ads. I’m am devastated

written by confusedandupset, 21 August, 2012

How did you find out he was posting ads?

written by Oma, 08 October, 2012

I have somewhat of a unique perspective from seeing a marriage where attempts to work it out only resulted of years of more lies and more cheating. When the cheating person "gets caught", it usually is not the end of it. Its only a temporary phase where everyone tries to make it work and "thinks" they can make it work – but the result is all to often a secret nose-dive right back into cheating, until it is all discovered again (and sometimes it isn’t).
The truth is you simply can never trust them again. EVER. And yes, it will make you both miserable. But unless the cheater has a personality change, any change in them will only be temporary.
There are cases where issues are worked out and needs start being met within a marriage. But sometimes the damage is way too great and one has a terribly uphill battle – which ends up being breeding ground for MORE cheating and lies and deception down the line.
You only have one life. Unless you have a taste for pain, I’d leave the marriage, no matter how horribly hard it is now, and save yourself going through this all over again (except it will be MORE painful) down the line.
If this happens to you again – you will only feel stupid because you had the warning signs and ignored them. And by then you will have wasted half your life with this person and only be that much more tied.

written by jenny b, 21 November, 2012

I just found out last night that my husband has been posting adds of on craiglist for women to take photos of for money and videos i am so angry looking back at all his emails looks like hes been doing this even before we got married we have only been married for 8 months but we have been dating for 4 years we don’t have any kids together i am so devastated why would he do this to me. what should i do i love him so much and hate him for what he has done

written by RoseZ, 28 November, 2012

my husband of 4 1/2 years, who is very much a "man-man" is attracted to transvestites. This sickens me to no end (of course). I have confronted him before, and he seems so apologetic and says he is just "curious" that’s all and promises to stop. But I have found out more information and now he is texting "trannies" from Craigslist. I’m at the point where I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m a Christian woman, and I take my vows with my husband very serious..but he obviously doesn’t feel the same. I’ve asked him very calmly if he was gay or bi? He doesn’t answer me, he just says he loves me and if he wanted that kind of person, then that’s who he would be with. I don’t know what to think anymore...this is tearing me apart slowly.

written by jorelle, 27 December, 2012

I had taught that my relationship was an open one but a Liar & cheater will always be a liar & cheater. At early of the relationship he betrayed me once in a strip bar where they also do "extra services" and provide a room. I found the receipt of it and he denied that he slept with one, it was his business partner he said and he paid for it. Saw him coming home with glitters and he denied that too saying that the club where he was had tequila dancers and they threw glitters at everyone, saw his dirty underpants (which looks like whitish after semen secretion) he denied that he did something saying that every guy has his days too like a woman. He didn’t come home every month for 2-3 days told me he was drinking the night away with the workers and bosses. I stayed, i still stayed with him and had 2 beautiful kids now it has been 10 years and you know what i’m sick of it. Yesterday, we had a drink together he was supposed to go out get more cigarettes for us both at the neighbors a bar but didn’t come even after 2 hours, i got pissed and walk to the bar and there i saw him kissing a trans ( she/he had an operation to be a woman). Told me it was his/her B’day and he/she was our neighbor. It still doesn’t give him the right to kiss her/him on him/her mouth like literally frenching. I got sick in the stomach i felt like puking, i want to gargle a disinfectant. It doesn’t matter to him if it has a pussy i think he’ll do it. So my time with him ends. I hope you all will discover the hard truth too. I’ve discovered mine hard and hurts, trying to believe a lie and living with it is hard after all this years the bastard haven’t changed. I shall now take my kids and go

written by Didnotbreakme, 04 January, 2013

I am married to a man who cheated on me with an older woman that he worked with. I’m not sure how long the affair lasted but he says 3 months. This happened several years ago. The other woman (Age 54) is 10 years older than my husband & is also married to a man who is now in a nursing home. I found out about their relationship & I asked him to leave. I found out about the affair when this other woman called me to let me know. I don"t know how she got my number but she wanted to "get coffee and chat." I refused to meet her & this upset her. She called several times after this. She informed me that she knew where I worked, what time I went to lunch, what I drove and made me aware that she had been watching me. She didn’t care that what she was trying to say or do was hurting. My husband ended up telling me the truth after she called. Things got worse as the months went by & my husband & I stayed seperated. I was receiving strange text messages & after the phone calls I had my cell phone number changed 3 times. She called my boss & told her all about the affair she a& my husband had. She told all of her coworkers & my husband coworkers about the affair that had already ended. After 7 months of her watching us, I agreed to one conversation (I was lost & thought maybe if she said what she wanted to say, then she would go forward in her life). During this one conversation, which took place 7 months after my husband ended their affair, she told me that my husband was in love with her, that she didn’t regret falling in love with my husband & said she would never get over him – nor him over her. (My husband and I were still seperated & I had no interest at this point of reconciliation) He had stopped all contact 7 months prior to this conversation. He told her over & over again that he was not interested in her. She told me that she & my husband could not help themselves and they loved each other and that she was not sorry it happened. She told me that my husband only ended things with her based on our finances & our kids and felt that our children were old enough to understand "their love" since her kids were grown adults. (?) She told me that she had suffered & that she wanted my husband to suffer too. She said that if she had to suffer, then he would suffer – she said alot. She believed that my husband was & will always be in love with her. I listened to what she had to say & then i asked her to stop following my family, to leave us alone. She called me a week or two later & was angry for some odd reason & wanted to meet with me and "tell me something." I asked her "how did you get my number again?" and she said that my husband gave it to her – which I didn’t believe. (They still worked together at this point and my number was listed as his emergency contact – all new numbers...) She told me that she wanted me to know the "truth" about their affair- that her family knew the truth and that my family needed to know the "truth." I told her we had already had this conversation and told her to never contact me again. She continued to stalk me – at home and at work, my home and my family. She sent emails and we responded to the emails not to ever contact us again. Things continued – She told coworkers (they still worked at the same place at this time) that if she could not have him then no-one could have him. She told everyone about the details of their affair. She told one specificlly that she felt it was my fault that her & my husband could not be togother. She followed my husband to another city on a day that she was off – he had gone to this city for training & ended up coming back home because she had checked herself into the same hotel that he was staying in. She bought a home in our neighborhood & then HER husband ended up in a nursing home. She called my boss & eventold my boss about their affair and that her husband was now in a nursing home. She told yet another co-worker of hers that she sat in the parking lot next to my work & watched me because she did not trust me. She no longer works at the same place as my husband. My husband and I have been back together for 2 years & I have forgiven him. It has been a long & painful path for me and my family and there are things I don’t understand but I do know that he is a different man and I forgive him. My question is this, how long will she continue this behavior? What can she possibly gain from this? We have tried an injunction.

written by sophia1234, 07 January, 2013

i come from the other side of the story and have had liaisons with a few married men. I am not normal sexually and am very submissive – all i want is for a man to punish me and humiliate me. i have avoidant personality disorder so have had practically no boyfriends and have no friends at all – i am lonely and spend most of my time planning my suicide. you women are lucky – your man cares about you and will be there for you. your pain is nowhere near that of the "other woman".