Past Comments – I found an suspicous instant message and think my husband is cheating

Comments (18)

find out
written by Guest, 16 April, 2006
You can find out anything you really want to know. If you suspect something chances are your right. Instincts are powerful, as is intuition. It took me three years to figure out what part of the story I didn’t know but once I figured it out, it all was very clear to me and kind of sad. My now ex- could have confided in me, and while he told me I was his best friend the secrets he kept from me clearly indicated otherwise. People lie when they know you will leave them if they told you the truth.
Lying husband
written by Guest, 19 April, 2006
I’ve been with my now husband for 3 years and we have been married for 1 year. I just found out that he had been lying to me about a lot of things in the past, he told me himself that he had lied to me and I was very hurt. Lately he has been lying to me again and I’m losing my trust in him completely. I just found out he has been calling a 15 year old girl *he is 24* and then denying it to me. He admitted it the other night to me when I told him I was going to leave because I couldn’t stand all the lying anymore. He says he had no bad intentions he just wanted to hang out with her. But if he is lying to me about calling her and a lot of other things, then honestly why should I believe him when he tells me he had no bad intentions. He used to cheat on his old girlfriends a lot so I believe he will do it with me.
written by Guest, 09 May, 2006
mrs learned better
written by Guest, 16 June, 2006
If he hasn’t cheated he will, it is just a matter of time. I have been there and learned the too tired to have sex is his guilty conscience of what he has done and what he might do.
instant messages
written by mrs: need help, 15 January, 2007
Sorry to hear about your story.

My husband and I have been married for 6 years. We have a daughter together. About 4 months ago I woke up one morning to find my husband a sleep at the computer with instant messenger open. I saw nasty letters he and a women from his work have been emailing to each other. I didn’t have a problem with him having a girl as a friend. I actually encouraged him because he has a hard time making friends because he is shy. I TRUSTED HIM WITH ALL MY HEART. That is why it hurt so much when I saw the emails. I have been devastated ever since. Been having a hard time learning to trust him again. His response was that all it was was emails. He said she started it. He said it was faltering that she was interested in him and that he felt they had things in common. He works third shift and he would email her after I went to bed at night on the weekends. He also said he did it because he was bored and the beer. We hadn’t had sex for several months because he has problems with ed and he refused to go in and get help for it because he was to embarrassed. We have since gone in together and gotten Viagra. I pretended to be him on the instant messenger while he was there and I pretended to be him and got the women to give me information. As far as I can tell they never had sex because of things she said. He likes to drive around after work and relax as he calls it, but it really bothers me after finding the letters. I’m having a hard time trusting him now. It makes me wonder if he has ever met up with her after work. He says that he has never done that though. All I know is I’m hurting inside. How can I learn to trust him again
written by support, 22 August, 2008
You are a strong woman and will find the courage to follow your heart.
written by finding out about his lies, 08 October, 2008
I feel for "Found suspicious IM". I am in the exact same place as I write this. I too had gut feelings that something was not right. He had lied to me about time spent with a female friend in the past, so I knew that he would likely do it again. The past incident was innocent though, but this time I did not feel that way.
I snooped, crappy as that is, and found an on going email where the other woman wanted to stop ‘seeing’ him because she found another man. My husbands response to that was that they get together to "do it one more time". She agreed. Then they talk about when and where and how to meet. In that part of the email there is reference to ‘capping things off at a hotel’. Enough said for me! I confronted him about it immediately (which I likely should not have done) and he first denied. A day later he told me his ‘truth’. That she was an old friend (one I never knew about) and that she contacted him a while ago to catch up. They chatted back and forth for a while then finally met over lunch. His reason was that she was going through a divorce and was having financial problems and was seeking his advice. She was also wanting to start a business which he was also advising her on. He outright denies that there was anything sexual or emotional between them. As much as I want to believe them (she gave the same reason to me when I confronted her), I find it hard to when there was so much reference to sneaking around, meeting at a hotel and her inference to how she feels about him. Needless to say, he says he wants to work things out, nothing happened, but I am constantly plagued by doubt. Would I be stupid to take his word for it, especially if he has a history of being dishonest and keeping things from me?
written by mm, 12 July, 2009
i just looked through the history on our computer and i saw a dating site so i clicked on it well to find out it was my husbands and he didnt log out and he was talking to a female about 24 hours ago i dont know what to think or do
written by ---, 02 February, 2010
oh my! are men polygamous by nature!
written by angry, angry wife, 22 March, 2010
I’ve been married 12 years and i just caught my husband cheating on me via msn with 190 women! not only that phone calls and he had confessed to webcam sexual videos. We are in counseling right now..but the more I go the more I see to wanting to leave him for good. We have 2 children one from my previous marriage that later he adopted and 1 girl. He says it meaningless sex acts, means nothing to him.. he never has a real contact with those people. However, I found some phone number around my area..his response "I can tell you but you will not believe me" same thing when I caught him with his MSN account.
I took control over the account and I have enough evidence to take him to court, which I believe we are heading that way. He says he "loves" me and the kids, does not want to leave, but if I let him stay..he will do it again. what should I do then? how to make sure he will not do it again?
I am so very angry right now after reading his live letters, seen the pictures these women sent...that I believe there is no salvation to our marriage.
He wants a second chance, should I give it to him?
written by LEAVEHIMNOW, 28 April, 2010
written by outtahere, 06 May, 2010
24 years down the tube because every time I confronted him with my suspicions of his cheating, he turned it around and blamed me for being crazy and manipulative.
I left him for a few weeks and he said he had been crying every day...when I visited him I discovered evidence that another woman had been staying with him. When I said I see evidence, he yelled that there I go again, just being crazy, no on had been in our home! When I PROVED to him I knew, he said that he lied because I MAKE him lie! Talk about crazy. Divorce is evident.I still love him but even that feeling is being replaced with pity for the poor sap. I was the best thing he’ll ever have.
written by GGm, 19 October, 2010
My husband and I have been married for 11yrs and together for 15yrs. We are in our late 30’s. We were happy we would always talk how we would never hurt each other like our past marriages did to us. Infidelity wasnt going to happen. This man was the only man I ever trusted after having such a bad experience with my ex. Until facebook came along. I had an account and I set my husband one harm there....we both had school friends and family we wanted to be in contact with, old girl friend from 20yrs ago found my husband. He was so excited, right on our 10th wedding anniversary. They were secretly emailing on facebook I found the messages and again I made the big mistake as I was angry and confronted him. Then they turned to the mobile phone, calls andtexts all hours..His phone was surgically attached to him for the next 2 weeks. He told me your the only women for me and our kids you should know that. then the next week, he was walking out and moving in with her and her kids. My heart broke. He slept with her straight away and just treated me like garbage. I was so devastated I didnt know what happened to be honest, till I got his old phone, he gave it to our oldest son as he bought a new one. Guess what he didnt erase all the messages. And the lies and the disgusting talk on there about me and them, hurt deep. To this day I am still in counseling. We got back together way back at easter. But he still refuses to stop contact as it makes it so hard she only lives 25mins from us and we didnt know all this time. I thought until the weekend it was all over we were fine and getting there. Till he left his phone unattended and a message came through, thinking nothing of it at all as our good mate was texting earlier. I read it and my heart stopped and I started to shake. He’d been on a camp all weekend with a community group and white away he’d been texting her..the text read...Hey there old man...we were only meant to be mates, dont be jealous. Good luck to you and G xx...this was the message and it was under an assumed named not hers and a different number. I confronted him and he got so angry with me for seeing it and denied and he said if I say anything to anyone he would leave me again..He hurt and lied to me again. I wish was stronger and went right the phone first to see why she answered a text like that. He’s still chasing her and keeping her in his life. The big lie he told has so many holes in it, and he knew it. I am being destroyed by him all over again. He just says it was all an error in judgment lets get over and on with life. But I still to this day, dont believe what he says anymore. I feel for my kids so much as they love their dad. I love him..But he cant have his cake and eat it too and he is killing me with all these lies. I believe I do deserve more respect, but I dont think he can help himself. The anger in his eyes when I saw that message and accused him was pure hatred toward me. The thing is their affair lasted 4 weeks, and he had enough and wanted his family back, but he cant let go of contacting her. That I cant live with and never will as they crossed the boundaries of friendship and destroyed me and my trust and my marriage.
So be careful of facebook people do use it to catch up with old flames, mine is one of many stories i have heard. My counselor says I have the right to ask him any questions to help me believe and trust him. He says he is over that, he deserves privacy. So I guess, its time for me to make decisions about my and the kids futures. I am not coming 2nd place to another again. As when he is with me all I can think is, is he thinking of her while making love to me. I wont trust him again.
written by rileysmoth, 04 December, 2010
My husband and I have been together for 12 years and married for 11 I am also 3 months pregnant and I found a message on Facebook him sending to a girl who is known in our old neighborhood to get around how good she looks and what he wanted to do to her. Needless to say I am crushed. I confronted him this morning and he cried and said he was only playing around and that he would never want to hurt me or our new baby. But do I believe him?
written by Brokenagain, 15 July, 2011
About 2 months ago my fiance was texting my friend and telling her how bad he wanted to have sex with her and that he’s wanted to for a long time, and that went on all weekend until she told me about it on monday night. I confronted him about it and he said he thought we were breaking up so he wanted someone else to want him. I had no idea that we were on the verge of breaking up. We broke up, but eventually got back together. He told me he was so sorry and it would never happen again because he loves me so much. Then the other day I found facebook messages to his friends ex-girlfriend. He was telling her that he’s sorry he missed out on his chance to be with her, because I guess they could have been together when we broke up, and that he still liked her and wanted to go see her (she lives 2 hours away). He said his friend asked him to talk to her because she was suicidal, but that was a lie, and he just went out of his way to talk to her. I don’t understand why he keeps talking to other girls like that. He keeps telling me how sorry he is and that he just wants us to be together, but I don’t think I should give him another chance. He said he wants to go to therapy or counseling because he’s "fucked up/messed up". So frustrating!!!!
written by need advice, 03 September, 2012
I’m currently pregnant with our first child. We’re newly engaged as well. I bought us a house and we move in this month! Last night after driving him home since he was drunk, I had to look in his phone to text his friend. While doing so, I found messages to other girls stating, "I’m horny" and " Come over and drink with me" "Too bad you live so far away. I’d be over there" etc. I have no clue what to do. On one hand, I want my baby to grow up with a dad. On the other hand, I don’t think I will be able to trust him at all. He’s never done anything like this before. Idk if its bc I’m pregnant and don’t feel like having sex enough for him, but I definitely don’t feel like I should be blamed for his infidelity.
written by Schwannson, 17 January, 2013
You dude is so getting some strange. Either accept it and or like it , or blow him off
written by dont believe in men, 13 March, 2013
Girls why are we so undeniable our husband love us and want our children and a nice home. Men just want to hunt and kill they don’t care about other women, they think they still got it. It sad but true I think if you stay with a cheater you must cheat to I know their is a lot of women that cheat we just keep it a secret not even our friends know, secret until we die. And I hope their men that read this. Don’t think we don’t call you crazy too.

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