Past Comments – Boyfriend masturbates and it bothers me

Comments (99)

written by Guest, 20 March, 2006
I disagree with this answer on the basis of liking it to "just accept male abusive behavior."
It is what you do NOW with the boyfriend’s
truthfulness that is really at the heart of your relationship. If you search for the
truth there may be a real addiction there, which by the way creates an illusion. We’ve only scratched the surface in the way we look at our seemingly harmless behaviors on this one. Good Luck.null
written by Mike, 31 October, 2006
It’s funny this is the exact same reaction that I had from my wife when she caught me doing the same. I also have a high sex drive but I was embarrassed to admit to her that I also masturbate. I think it’s normal, it doesn’t interfere with our relationship and thats that. I agree with the advice given here and hope that women will read these comments and but aside their insecurities and enjoy the intimate times that they have with their men.
written by Guest, 19 January, 2007
I never realized it guys masturbating became an issue in relationships. My fiance and I had a conversation about it at the start of the relationship. This was due to him being concerned that I would feel like I wasn’t enough for him etc. It had never really crossed my mind but it opened up several doors of conversations about it which led me to develop a better understanding. I found out that despite the fact he may watch pornography while he masturbates he’d rather make love to me. This makes sense as his sex drive is higher than mine. We talk openly about it. I think male masturbation is perfectly natural and healthy. High levels of testosterone may be partly to blame. There is too much fear in society of talking about such things and about how masturbation is "dirty." Men lie because it is something women apparently find hard to understand and it comes with major pre-conceptions. I agree with Mike here. I just felt that i should comment seeing as a male perspective might not have been easily accepted as being "natural" seeing as it is "them" we’re discussing.
written by Ange., 18 December, 2007
I can understand how you feel, you feel cheated on because of his problem despite your very active sex life. This is sexual addiction and obsession, you could eventually feel turned of to sex with him. His behavior is disruptive to the intimacy and safety in the relationship. Theres a big problem and it needs to be dealt with. Also how would he feel if you were doing this to him. You,ll end up feeling used and sore.
written by GoingInsane Aj, 20 February, 2008
My Reply.... My wife use to get upset about me masturbating. She didn’t understand why I would wanna do that when I could have her. Sometimes a guy just wants that release and tension relaxation. Also, he may feel that if he doesn’t do that, he won’t last as long for you and be able to satisfy you like he wants.

My wife became a lot more understanding when she started to masturbate. Have you tried it yourself? No One knows you like you. ;-)
written by whysoserious?, 11 May, 2009
My Reply..... For one, it is not "male abusive behavior," that’s just ridiculous. I have a girlfriend who has a very high sex drive. (equal or greater than mine) And we have sex 6-10 times a week. I still masturbate, she still masturbates, we have been masturbating for years upon years (she actually started earlier).

Anyway, it’s not seen as a problem or concern, it’s just us, and even though I would rather have sex with her, I still masturbate, and she does too.

It’s not a "problem" and he definitely is not cheating, so I would not worry about it, and I think you should do the same.
written by Tzara, 08 January, 2010
To all the men out there who do this, show some respect for your wife/girlfriend and search online:

"Caught my boyfriend masturbating," or something along those lines and see how many articles there are, and how many women are affected by this issue!

I have a stronger sex drive than my boyfriend, and not having enough sex was a huge issue. Then to discover his masturbating was a complete devastation.

He made every effort to conceal this from me, but I have been able to discover the truth. I know he will do it again, and when he does – I will be single.

I will be frank here, we both masturbated before we started dating. Everyday. Once we began dating, I stopped touching myself, and began saving myself for him. He knows this.

He also doesn’t touch me down there. So, during sex I need to stimulate myself to achieve orgasm. I think this behavior is totally unacceptable.

Men time and time again succumb to their flesh. If a man can’t say no to his own hand, then if you put him in a situation where there is opportunity for more, it will probably happen. Why? Because, he can’t say no to his flesh.

If you are reading this, and have any dignity and respect for yourself and your partner, learn to say no to yourself. You already know how to please yourself, this isn’t soccer practice.

I keep hearing, "it’s your problem," "it’s natural," "you’re overreacting." I want to say that it isn’t our problem, we aren’t overreacting and it isn’t natural. Touching yourself shows that you care more about your own body than that of your partner’s. It is only natural when you are single. If you wanted to use your own hand your whole life, when you have "private" moments, then you shouldn’t be in a relationship.

I also see that doctor’s support that it is natural. I would presume that none of them have ever been in this situation themselves.

There is clearly a problem with our society if all these men hurt their women so badly, and make absolutely no effort to research the topic.

If they did, they would come to the following conclusion:
If they feel the need to touch themselves that badly, and it hurts the lady they are with, then they need to tell them that it wont stop so the girl can move on.

You can conceal that you do it all you want, but if you do it, we will eventually discover it. And you can continue to try and conceal it and offer explanations, but we will know the truth deep down, and you will see us slowly drift away from you.

If you mean it when you say you love them (just like you have the choice to touch yourself or not) you should allow her to have the choice to stay with you or not.

How greedy and selfish, if you think you should be allowed to touch yourself, knowing it hurts her, and continue doing it. How even more greedy and selfish of you, to conceal it so that you can keep her.
written by Yeargdribble, 27 January, 2010
Sorry, Tzara, but men and women work differently. Just because something applies to you does not mean it applies to a man. A relationship needs reciprocation. I’m sure you also get agitated if a man doesn’t understand how you work emotionally, yet you are unwilling to understand how men work sexually. Flip any of your statements around and it becomes very obviously one-sided. "Why do women keep talking about their feelings if they know it gets on mens’ nerves?" You can’t know what it’s like to be a man and feel that biological imperative to that level just like a man can’t completely understand how something makes a woman feel. The two sexes need to learn to empathize with one another.

I’ve been married for over 5 years. When my wife and I were dating she had issues with this as well. She also didn’t feel comfortable pleasing herself alone. If I wasn’t in the mood and she was she would just get frustrated.

Over time she learned that it was really a jealous that was a product of her not feeling good about herself in other ways. We worked on all this together. I tried harder to make sure she knew that she was uniquely loved and let her know the ways she was special to me. Over time she stopped being jealous and ended up being more comfortable with herself as well as more confident.

If she needs to take care of her needs, I let her. The opposite holds true as well. We have a wonderfully fulfilling sex life both intimately as a couple and rarely have any of the symptoms of sexual frustration because we take care of our sexual needs separately when needed.

Rather than playing this card where we think the opposite sex needs to make the change we just understand how we work differently biologically and psychologically and try to nurture those needs and make allowances for them.

Men and women both conceal things not because of selfishness but because they are unsure of the responses from their partners. If either person suspects it will lead to disorder they’d rather keep it to themselves. If you want real honesty just learn to not get so agitated. Never have an angry knee-jerk response. Try to talk about things.

This won’t work over night. You have to cultivate a trusting relationship like that over time.
written by Anonymous2, 05 May, 2010
I had a woman who would rather play video games then be intimate with me. I tried to communicate with her, she said she would do her best to make it better, but there was the gaming yet again. I thought this was just a guy thing, to blow off things for games, but wow. I resulted in going online and role playing with girls to satisfy my libido, but I wanted her, not them. Then eventually, I was seen as the "passive aggressive" type just because I became more firm with my feelings. I couldn’t take it anymore, so, I threw her out. Now, I’m asexual and staying this way forever. That relationship, the dating and trying to get casual sex off the bat with me, the lying, the stupid unwed mothers I see at work robbing the government by not claiming their boyfriend’s income when they live together, their valley girl attitudes, the way they try to act single when they are not and should be taking care of their damn kids and not whoring themselves, even my best friend and his recent breakup to a girl who cried at everything just to get attention, I’m fed up and finished. Don’t ever EVER say you are going to improve yourself for the better of the relationship then lie saying it takes time when it’s been near 5-7 years and you’re still the same bitch you were then. Guys surprisingly have feelings like girls do, they are just better at reserving them for when it matters, not at every little problem.
written by ABH, 18 May, 2010
Come on you lot, none of you have read the question properly, she says hes masturbating like mad, despite their active Sex Life, WHEN HE SEES OTHER WOMEN TOO! that is insensitive, like some of you Men cant stop studying porn on the internet, you make a woman feel like shes not quite good enough for you, it speaks for itself, yea male pigs.
written by Ashamedandhurtinside, 09 September, 2010
I just caught my boyfriend of two years masturbating. I feel really hurt. I love him so much and very attracted to him so I always try to make myself available for him, even to the point of being the initiator most time. So apparently I’m not good enough and I’m the one for him. Now I don’t know what to do.
written by Miss Holt, 18 September, 2010
I’m not a porn star, and can never measure up to what hes seen on the internet. I walk by the PC and feel hurt every time I see it. I hate the computer, its my competition, Ill never be good enough for him.
Its been a long time since my man touched me...he doesnt need me because im made to feel ugly when he masturbated to other images in his mind. I get no sexual satisfaction for the morning sex he gives me...yes GIVES me. Im sleeping and not a part of it.
Porn has killed the bitter part of who i once was as a woman. I came to realize that He cheats in his mind watching porn...then is sad when he sees my naked the point where he cant get totally hard because he wasted himself on some paid actress.
During my entire pregnancy of got even uglier, and was bed ridden...he masturbated almost daily to porn.
I carried his child and suffered for it. No self esteem is left. He started looking at porn and masturbating alone in the bathroom and other locked rooms when I got pregnant. Im a woman in need of sex, if he continues to cheat on me with porn...Im goona find a man who will screw me. Perhaps its much more than that...maybe hes cheating out there too...or has. Either way the hurt is embedded. I hate feeling bad about myself. Ive spent hours myself looking a the history of the porn hes watched..I watched the women hes jerked off too...When I am lucky enough to get sex...I play out the moves ive seen on the porn hes watched...I try to be what he wants and what gets him off. Its killed no longer me...I try to alter myself to his liking so that he might STOP masturbating...and be with me "mind and body"
written by hot blond hurt, 04 October, 2010
It’s not the fact that he jacks off but if he is so horny why does he need to look @ other women. Is it really that hot to see a girl being paid to do things that he will never get from her especially when he has someone willing. It is hurtful. I get hit on all the time I’m fucking hot by men and women standards I am told so everyday. most of those women are ugly, look like transsexuals and have oh so fake tits. Yes it is way hurtful I don’t get it. Is his hand better he says no but does it. None of these men will ever get that girl. they probably couldn’t afford her. what is the turn on fantasizing about a paid fake. it is telling me that I’m not good enough. I know I am. How does one say they love and want to get married if it’s not enough and yes if he can’t stop touching himself where is the line when some real girl hits him up? it’s just sad.
written by StupidDreamer, 17 October, 2010
I’m reading through all this and I think "what a crazy world are we living in!" I just caught my boyfriend masturbating on porn lately, after 10 months of being together. He probably did it all along. I start questioning him when he couldn’t finished with me, third time in a row. After a lot of investigation, he admitted that maybe he "exaggerated a bit", doing it like 3 times a day.
And I was worried something’s wrong with
A lot of people seem to have no problem whatsoever with their partners masturbating.
I would say that one of the issues here is not masturbation itself, but the trust.
If both partners are aware and in need of masturbation, or even only one of them, and the other agrees, then it’s alright. People are free to seek pleasure in every way it fits them.
But again, when there is trust and communication between partners.

If I would know from the beginning my boyfriend needs so much sex, I would have never stayed with him. I would had a choice. But know, when I’m madly in love with him, and all this time he treated me like his queen, and all the time said that sex is just fine (I know I have a lower sex drive than him), now it hurts like hell, and I have no way out of this. Not the fact that he’s masturbating hurts, but the lie, or the way he hide it.
So people, the masturbation may be okay, but the dishonest way men do it, is not. If it’s so "okay", why they hide it in the first place?

The other issue I see here with this God-blessed "stress relief" and "joy of life" that is masturbation, is love. I mean real love. I love my boyfriend; I feel sometimes I would like to masturbate, especially when he’s too tired, or we don’t do it for few days; but I don’t. Because I love him, and I prefer to wait for the next time. Because I want to share it with him; love is all about sharing, and understanding each other, isn’t it? Commitment, care, honesty, and other french like this.
"Masturbation is not cheating". Well, is not sharing either; it’s self serving, like most things we do in our deplorable, modern way of living. It’s a way of saying " I can always satisfy myself, honey, don’t worry; I don’t need you that much". It’s loneliness together, as enjoyable as that may be for the man.

So masturbation in this case is just a way to dull the anxiety we feel inside, to fill the permanent discontent, lack of meaning and lack of love of our lives.
If my boyfriend would have really loved me, I don’t think he would have need to masturbate three times a day. Something is definitely wrong here; and the fact that "everybody does it", doesn’t make it right. We pretty much delude ourselves that our misery is just fine as long as there are many others experiencing the same misery. It becomes normal.

Well, I guess not. And my answer to this question is: "He is still with you, he "says" he loves you, he’s not cheating on you; if you are okay with that, then let him have it his way. But if you feel in your heart that love should be more than that, and you can, and deserve better than this, then move on. Don’t swallow the s##t just because everybody else does. I’ll do exactly this."
written by AJH, 25 October, 2010
I have been in a daze thinking I was crazy for feeling so jealous and miserable, I hate when he’s home and I’m not cause I know what he’s doing and wonder what she has that I don’t. It is truly heart breaking and I have never withheld myself from him. What I really hate is that he KNOWS that it upsets me, we’ve talked about it. Why in the hell would you do something after knowing that it hurts me?!!? And yet you "love" me, what a crock of shit!!!!! I have never dated someone with a porn issue, it makes me feel sick to my stomach, I hate feeling like I’m not enough, not sexy or exciting, I can’t even figure out what it is that I don’t have enough of!!! Arrrrrhhhh I hate this!!!!
written by LMS, 14 November, 2010
I completely agree with the above. It KILLS me knowing that whenever I’m not home, or out with a friend or something and he is home alone that he is more than likely watching porn and getting off. It annoys me because he knows I hate it and he KNOWS that if he said to me "I’m horny, can we have sex?" or "can you go down on me?" I would say yes.. I love it! But sometimes if I come home from somewhere and say "I’m horny" he will shut me down because he is ‘tired’ or ‘doesn’t feel like it’. He says its because of these things but in my heart I know its because he just jerked off an hour ago and doesn’t want any more. Guys don’t understand how much it hurts. Imagine if we were watching other guys, other dicks, other faces and getting off on it?

To me. It is cheating. I wouldn’t care if he did it in the shower or something because I know he’s not looking at other girls. Truthfully I don’t like any of it but its the looking at other girls that hurts the most.

I keep talking to him about it.. I save myself for him because I want him to be the ONLY thing that gets me off but I guess I’m not enough for him. For god’s sake man wait a few hours and I’ll be home!

Arrgh I hate it
written by aryan princess, 19 November, 2010
Well my boyfriend and I have been together for a few months now. I’ve caught him jacking off quite a few times & it pisses me off!!! What’s sad is he knows how mad it makes me but he continues to do it. It’s gotten so bad that he doesn’t own up to it anymore. It’s become one big secret. We went from him masturbating while I’m in the next room & 100% willing to have sex to him deleting the porn videos on the computer to hide it from me. He deletes the history & everything. It makes me so mad. I love having sex! I’m always horny! So it’s not like I’m being greedy! I catch him jacking off when I’m at my horniest. It makes absolutely no sense to me. I’m a young good looking female and I never deny him but I still catch him using his hand. And lately when we’ve had sex, he can’t finish!! What good is this gonna do especially since we are trying to have a baby. I’ve been wondering if maybe it has something to do with him being in prison for 2 years but idk. I just wish he would stop! It’s slowly ruining our relationship.
written by jaybunnie, 20 November, 2010
I 100% agree with all the ladies here because they seem to be the only ones with some common sense. When did it ever become okay to lie to your partner? What gets me the most is that there are actual links for other selfish men to read up on to make themselves feel better.

It’s a mad world when you stumble upon a site willing to give the advice of deceiving your partner instead of "causing a fuss". Relationships do have their bumps but a much bigger problem lies beneath the insecure, chauvinistic, inconsiderate male. One comment was about understanding a males sexual desires in comparison to a woman’s nagging behavior. Guys just don’t get it.

Women are not objects; The big picture here is that we are not hurt about you being able to please yourself. The problem is with these men’s obsessions and cravings for visual stimulation. Also, not having enough steam left for the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Communication is a start. And for the "happy couples" who let each other masturbate to pornographic materials, you’re not in love. You both haven’t matured past lust.

Sexual addictions and behaviors aren’t the "norm". They are serious problems. This is just one side of it. Wait until you actually want to have sex with that lonely wife/girlfriend of yours. Maybe they won’t be so readily available the next time you have a broken hand.
written by MrSeel, 08 April, 2011
3 times a week isn’t a lot. He is not addicted. It is not abusive. IT IS NORMAL MALE BEHAVIOR! If people delete their history it’s because they’re embarrassed, not because they want ti lie to you.
written by good girl, 13 August, 2011
Masturbating is a normal thing. I masturbate 2-5 times a day and am still a virgin at the age of almost 21. So I honestly wouldn’t worry about it.
written by VGOLF, 22 August, 2011
In response to AJH, jaybunnie and LMS.... I UNDERSTAND!

This is crazy. I truly started falling for my boyfriend of 8 months... but.... He’s obsessed with getting off. If I spend a weekend with him he does it 2-3 times a day (perhaps more??) and sometimes wakes me up in bed while he’s doing it under the sheets... he sometimes makes jokes about washing the sheets! He was even doing this while we were visiting his friends/family overnight! They would ask me where he was and it’s sad because I have to lie for him (oh he has a stomach ache, that’s why he’s in the bathroom AGAIN for 20 mins)

I don’t get it! We have great sex and sometimes I want to he and he looks at the clock and says "good night hun" and an hour later is jerking it! WTF! Sometimes I poke him and he runs into the bathroom or shower to finish. So stupid – like I want to cuddle/kiss after that!!! And he’s all "what’s wrong?"

I am so hurt and don’t know what to do. Part of me is like "hey, I do it too" But when I am alone/miss being touched....He knows this... but I only do it a few times a month or when I am away from him a lot. I have dated over 12 men and never had this issue (this intense at least) He’s only had 2 serious relationships and the longest was 7 months (I think I can see why!)
I know he works a lot and wants to release, and be less stressed, I am trying to understand.... but when is too much too much!??!!smilies/sad.gif smilies/sad.gif Should I say something!? I think it’s ruining things.... I don’t want to have to go through the numbers in my head when I reach for him, I want to want him not worry about doing him 6 times, 10 times, whatever to keep him from masturbating! smilies/sad.gif
written by Me2, 13 September, 2011
Ladies, if you have a normal sex life, don’t worry that he’s masturbating too, you should only get worried if he _only_ masturbates and never wants sex.

I also masturbate a lot in addition to sex, and my girlfriend was a bit unsure of herself. Our solution was that I’ll let her watch whenever I masturbate. We’ve bought a webcam, so the deal is that I’ll text her and asks if she wants to watch, that way she’ll be included as well!
written by Sophia1989, 22 September, 2011
Well i’d like to say im glad im not the only one that feels like they hate when there boyfriend masturbates secretly and watches porn. Ive been with my boyfriend for 10 mths now... We live together and i hate the fact that i leave for work and the whole day all im thinking about how hes trying to be sneaky. I know its a normal human "recreational activity" but i tell my boyfriend the real thing is way better. Its tough to deal with ladies. Im here going through it with you guys. If they really love us and respect us they hopefully will come around to realize it... If not then he just wasnt the guy we need in our lives. Good luck to all.
written by Lola1991, 26 October, 2011
I am in the exact situation. I live with my boyfriend of 8 months, and I know that whenever Im not around he is masturbating. He even brings his phone in the toilet with him,and after 15 minutes, he’ll come out and will say that he’s too tired for sex. It hurts me so much knowing that he’s doing this. I dont know how i can’t talk to him about it, as I have tried, but he says that he is just texting. All his Internet history will be deleted on his computer too, which makes me more suspicious. We have sex everyday, and he is completely satisfied as I have a high sex drive. I just don’t understand why he feels the need to do this, and also I really need to know how to talk to him about it.
written by Seeker, 11 November, 2011
To these posters: MissHolt, StupidDreamer, AJH, LMS;

Thank you for sharing your deeper thoughts in as much detail as you did.

I am a 20 year old man, I’ve been trying to deal with my own masturbating dilemmas (trying to keep my mind clean as I do with my body, of other women). I know it would hurt my wife if she knew exactly what kind of stuff used to and occasionally still does go through my mind either when masturbating or in the morning when I first wake-up.

I have been searching for solutions or even opinions on whether it was me or her with the so called "problem". In the end (after fighting the urge to automatically assume I was in the right because it would be "more beneficial" to me), I’ve strengthened my resolve to rid of those unneeded thoughts of other women’s bodies or sexual situations.

I love her, more than anything I’ve ever known or thought to love. I want to be so connected with my wife in every way that I can, and I want to stop feeling guilty and always know that I’ve done everything to keep my wife happy.

Thank you again. I’m glad I came here.

written by jessie1235, 28 November, 2011
So strange that so many people feel like this. I hate it, it makes a woman feel so inadequate, ugly, unwanted. I know my partner masturbates all the time. I leave the house for a couple of hours, and when I get back he’s done it 2-3 times. Its as though he waits for me to leave. I myself would quite happily have sex with him, go down on him, or even wank him myself, but for some strange reason he can’t wait? If a woman can wait why can’t a man?! And as for porn, he says he doesn’t watch it cos he knows it would hurt me, but he says ‘yeah, I would like to watch it’ to me that’s just wrong. What don’t u get from looking at your sexy wife/gf. What is the need to look at some fake slut, faking an orgasm? Have a vid of your gf playin with herself of a vid of her doin somethin u like, video her suckin ur cock. Just stop with the ‘its not how u think’ it is. U are gettin off over another women just like u would be doing if u was shaggin another woman. It is in a way a form of cheating.
written by AnaisElizabeth, 14 December, 2011
I consider myself to be a pretty open minded gal, and working in health (I’m a nurse), I know it’s extremely common for men (and women) both in and out of relationships to continue to masturbate. The thing is, I can’t seem to find harmony between "the facts" and the logical side of the issue, and how I feel about it emotionally.
I have been with my partner for 3 years. I love him dearly and I know he loves me. I also know he masturbates, normally in the shower in the morning, around 1 – 3 times a week. We have a great sex life (although sometimes one of us is too tired as we both work full time), and I receive plenty of love and affection. We’ve discussed him "having a pull" (as we call it) and generally he actually gets a sheepish look on his face and fronts up and tells me when he’s done it even when I wouldn’t have had a clue. I value his honesty, and don’t want to do anything to jeopardize him feeling like he can tell me anything. Unfortunately, I’m really bothered by his masturbation and I don’t know why. I feel like it shouldn’t bother me, but it does. I always feel a hurt and rejected and I suspect this has more to do with my self confidence and issues than anything else.
This morning I heard him doing it in the shower. He thought I was asleep (it’s my day off), and even when I hinted at having heard him after he got out, he didn’t fess up. This hurt me immensely. I feel so stupid, this shouldn’t bother me, and I can’t even figure out why it does! I started thinking along the typical lines of "why doesn’t he want me" and "what is he thinking about when he does it", and I got myself so upset that I cried my eyes out once he left for work. The thing is, I we always try to be very upfront with our feelings, but I am torn as to whether I should say something about how I feel? I don’t want to be the selfish one who deprives him of simple pleasures just because I’m not involved in it, because then I feel like the awful, jealous control-freak that no one wants to be (or be with!). At the same time, I don’t want to tell him how I feel but that I wouldn’t WANT him to stop, because I think he’s start making a real effort to hide it from me in order to spare my feelings either...and if I then found out he’d hidden it, it would be worse!
I don’t even know WHY I’m so bothered by it. Despite what any other ladies out there might think, I believe it’s perfectly normal & healthy...until its my guy doing it. I guess deep down i feel like he shouldnt "want" to do anything by himself when he has me. What a crazy ridiculous bitch, huh?

I’d appreciate men’s thoughts on this in particular, especially those in loving relationships. How would you feel if your partner expressed these thoughts and feelings to you?
written by Holy F seriously, 23 December, 2011
Okay okay... so the sex life is killing me. I don’t know what it is exactly... but I just don’t have the sex drive anymore... the odd chance that I feel like having hex, I cant get wet down there to even go through with it... yes, there’s lube. But still- my cervix gets slammed and its painful every time. (when a woman is aroused, the cervix raises itself naturally. When she isn’t, ya hit it~ which is why foreplay is necessary~for those who don’t know) When we first started dating 8 months ago... I was hornier than I swear I’ve ever known!!! But... things happen and emotionally that urge just isn’t what it was. Never mind that he Jacks off to porn Every day. I wouldn’t have a problem with this... but for the fact that I’m to act in such a manner...? Every once in a while, it could be done... however it needs to feel like a "special" something. But he watches this all day everyday. So what’s the point. why the fuck should I even bother dressing up and acting like every slut out there. I want a REAL relationship... where I don’t have to doll up because his OVERSTIMULATED mind just doesn’t get as turned on... trust me. Wait, join in and have some fun. sure.... but when it’s all the guys looks at SHOULD I?? It’s common place for him. So I’m just going to py myself in the SAME category. Sounds special. Never mind that Having sex with a guy who has a half a hard on isn’t really appealing. I swear it’s to the point that he prefers his hand... and if he doesn’t know it... his dick does. It’s a shitty feeling
written by ohnooo, 02 January, 2012
I totally agree with what alot of people are saying on this. I know that my boyfriend masturbates over porn. He has even told me & at first I didn’t think much of it. BUT then one day I looked at his pictures on his phone and I found alot of different celebrity women on it, then I saw more names of women he wanted to add to the photos. I was completely devastated and hurt by this. I feel like I’m just not good enough for him.

We talked about the pictures, but I lately brought it up again, because it was bugging me so much. He told me the reason why he had those pictures, was because he found those women attractive. However, I knew there was more to it. He then admitted to me that the reason why he had them was because they are women he wants to fuck. I WAS SO SHOCKED! I feel stupid for bringing it up again, but at least I now know the truth. To me it feels like he has cheated on me in his head over and over.

He has told me he loves me, and it took me a while to accept that because of his previous history. Then when I finally believe it wholeheartedly I find all that stuff out. I just don’t know what to do to be honest. Now I feel like I should be on edge everytime a hot celebrity comes on TV, or when he says a pretty woman on the street. It just makes me think that he’s always masturbating over these women.

I don’t understand, because we have sex ALOT and I adore having sex with him. I have even grown to hate certain celebrities because of it and when I see them appear on an ad or something, I cringe and want to turn it over. Am i going crazy or am I right to feel this way?? I would rather he didnt masturbate at all, but I doubt he’d stop doing it.

Honestly, I don’t think him watching porn is as bad as having so many women on his phone, because at least with porn it’s a one thing and you don’t really remember their faces; but having that on your phone is a way of having them WITH you when you want to fantasize about them.

I was a virgin when I met him and at times I just feel so used and unworthy. I’m going to drive myself mad into the ground. smilies/sad.gif
written by anonymous1, 03 January, 2012
I’m fine with my boyfriend masturbating to porn..but I caught him masturbating to facebook pictures of one of my co-workers. This deeply upset me. Having fantasies about hot porn stars and celebrities?-fine. Having fantasies about real girls that he’s met/ knows? Ouch. We have sex at least once a day. This was a a few weeks ago and we talked about it, but now I still worry and am extremely paranoid about even bringing him around my friends. One of the things he said when I asked him why he was doing it to her was that she has large now whenever I see anyone with large breasts I feel threatened and jealous. I know masturbation is innocent, but why is this still bothering me so much?
written by LM, 16 January, 2012
Yeah it sucks. My boyfriend refuses to stop jerking off to porn and it irritates me to no end. But it is natural male behavior and there is pretty much nothing we girlfriends can do about it except get used to it. And if you got a good guy, keep him anyway (because, face it, there is a slim-to-none chance you will find a dude who doesn’t masturbate to other women). The way to tell if he’s quality is if he’s honest and up-front. In this case, return his honesty with understanding and patience. He won’t stop doing what we feel is our place to do, but it will likely be more infrequent over time. Hope this helps. I feel much better now that I’ve written this out.
written by Brit Bloke, 21 January, 2012
Reading through some of these responses, I can see why some male partners are hiding away their masturbation habits, as some of the reactions – "you wouldn’t do this if you loved me", "I don’t need to do it, so why should you", "I feel like he’s cheating on me in his head" does suggest a lack of willingness to compromise and step back from the immediate emotional reaction.

Me and my partner have a decent sex life and also masturbate regularly (together and on our own). We share some fantasies that we have (I know that she thinks about other people sometimes during masturbation, and she knows that I do too), but the essential thing is, the trust is there with her that I know the difference between what is going on in her head (fantasy) and how that differs to the reality (our relationship). It’s this dividing line that I think is getting blurred here.

When you masturbate, you’re looking for things and thoughts to get you off. For some men, it can be a large fantasy involving detail, for others it can be just the visual image of a naked woman. However, one thing they’re NOT doing during this time is running a comparison chart between their partner and whatever is going on in their head in order to get to orgasm. It’s just the means to an end, and most fantasies bear so little relationship to real life and how things would play out that to worry about the man going and and doing it in real life would be absurd. In fantasy, you control all the actors and the scene – it’s a way of enjoying and exploring your sexual side and thoughts without having to have the additional worry of real life additions (anything from whether your partner is stimulated enough to whether you can orgasm in good time – which can sometimes be more of a pressure than you might suspect!) when you just want a quick orgasm without your partner being right beside you in a similar mood.

The essential thing is to talk to your partner in a non-judgmental way and that sensitivity is employed by both sides to ensure that all feelings are being taken into account so a compromise is reached (such as the idea of webcamming, which is a novel approach adopted by one poster above). It’s an unfortunate thing in our society that men and women are brought up with such differing approaches to enjoying their own bodies (thankfully now better sexual education is catching this), and I think this can cause a lot of issues when the sexes see their opposites (to them) unfathomable reaction to their masturbation habits. As one poster said above, as long as it’s not a replacement for their partner, it should be viewed as a perfectly acceptable way for BOTH sexes to enjoy their bodies in their own time without fear of negative judgement from their partner, which can just lead to secrecy and lies forming in what would otherwise be a good working relationship.
written by Liza M., 23 January, 2012
First of all – AnaisElizabeth & Brit Bloke:

You guys both had very rational, insightful things to say on the subject. Before I got to your posts, I was actually reading some of the other posts aloud to my husband because they were so ridiculous.

I think it’s important to point out what a lot of women are doing here (except for obviously problematic situations, i.e.: masturbating to a picture of a person you know, masturbating so much that you are unable to perform with your partner, foregoing sex for masturbation on a constant basis. These are situations that aren’t applicable to what I’m about to say.). They have a negative reaction about their guy masturbating. I’ve found this to be quite common with women. However, instead of choosing a rational reaction, they choose to soothe their own hurt ego at their mate’s expense. This, inevitably, deteriorates the relationship. Doesn’t fix a thing, no matter how "right" you think you might be.

Anais: I totally understand where you are coming from.

I’m also married (12 years). We have a great relationship and a healthy sex life. Here’s the thing with us and the whole masturbation "issue". When I was young and this came up with my husband, I responded similarly to some of the other females on this thread. I felt hurt and somehow betrayed, I thought at the time. I shared this with my husband. His response to this? He felt so guilty about masturbating without me that he practically stopped it altogether. (He still has issues with it because of my immature reaction and the fact that he really cares about my feelings.) Now that I’ve somewhat reconciled myself with it, when I tell him to go do it ("give him permission," in crazy-lady talk) he has issues with it. So, now – ironically – the full sexual burden is on me.

Here’s how I see it now, the bigger picture: Women, in general, have this issue. It’s probably been naturally selected for over many, many generations because it seems to be a primal kind of response. It makes sense to me that women probably saw it as a waste of baby-making material. There’s certainly a sense of possession imbedded in my own feelings that seems to point to this. It doesn’t have to be rational or relevant to how we feel NOW.

But, it does. Because we’re human. We’ve got to rationalize our emotions.

I think the real key here is to reconcile our primal urges/reactions with our hard-earned logic. Don’t displace your feelings and dehumanize the men you care about just because they masturbate! And, do NOT use the fact that you don’t do it as a weapon against them. It’s normal and healthy to do it. Whether you choose to is your bailiwick.

I see it like this: when my husband and I met, we were already in a relationship with ourselves. Think of it like bigamy, if you like – with the relationship with our "selves" predating our current one by decades in some cases. You got to accept it going in.

Does all of this mean that I LIKE my husband masturbating? No. But, that’s okay. I accept that it’s healthy and continue to work on my OWN reaction to it. After all, I masturbate just like him and somehow he isn’t upset by it in the least.

Get some perspective, gals. Sometimes it’s us that need to adjust.

written by G-awd, 24 January, 2012
It would seem that you don’t have to be "mentally cheating" as some of these women put it, for the girl friend to be appalled or in dismay over the fact that the man is fappin’.

In fact, you could be doing something totally random, like fappin’ to the thought of rubbing up against a pole, or being lady with big boobs, or getting it up the rear as a guy, from a guy. It’s freedom of thought and expression, and moderating it is definitely a good idea, but it is expression.

As I was saying though, doesn’t matter what the thought is, apparently the reaction is the same. It’s like this really weird, creepy-arse instinct, just like the instinct to pleasure ourselves with or without women, it’s their instinct to act just as a black hole does, thus any semen (light) that escapes their vagina almost creates a primal female rage in them.

LMFAO striking gold one spike at a time. smilies/wink.gif
written by Olenatural, 25 January, 2012
Here is my male perspective on the subject. I’m a male and I masturbate a lot and have sex with my girlfriend on the weekends. (We only see each other on the weekends). When i masturbate the things that go through my brain are crazy random and uncontrollable. It’s not always like a photo album where you pick the one you want to see. They really do just pop up. So I don’t consider that cheating but sometimes I do feel a little guilty for what does pop up in my head but there is nothing i can do about it. As far as porn goes I see why women don’t like it but as someone else said, We men aren’t drawing out a vin diagram to compare the porn stars to our girlfriends/wives. Some times men just want a light release to just relax muscles and just refocus privately. We men with over active sex drives get turned on a lot and our ladies aren’t always there to help. So there’s only one other option. It’s natural women do it just like men except women try to understand why men do it. That’s where a big problem lies. Hell most of the time we guys couldn’t tell you why we do it its just natural instinct to get off when you get turned on. Now for you girls out there that feel that if your man masturbates that you are not good enough for him or he rather have whats on the screen your fooling yourself. Sex with a partner > sex in your head and hands any day. And your man feels that way to. I guarantee if you caught him watching porn and instead of getting mad go show him whats really better and I promise you’ll see it from a different perspective smilies/tongue.gif And 3 times a week isn’t anywhere near addiction.
written by madjill75, 25 January, 2012
I have the same problem with all the men out there that have more fun with their right hand than they do with their partners/gfs/wives. Masturbation to men,in my mind,is as necessary as breathing. Now,I have a question that really needs answered. I have read and pored and inhaled this subject for years now,and it pisses me off that for 7 awful years,my husband has refused to have sex with me,and believe me,I’ve tried every trick in the book to get him in the mood. Funnily enough,now I’ve decided to not be available to him,he now wants sex. He said it’s crap but only because he had the option before. I think it’s more to do with him not being able to dangle me on a string anymore. Anyway,back to the question I have... I’ve read practically everything on the net about this,and 95% of the time, both m and f parties say that as long as it doesn’t interfere with a ‘normal’ sex life, then it isn’t a problem. No shit!!! But not once in all this info I’ve read does it suggest how to fix it when his habit replaces sex. That’s my issue. Like I said, if it’s done along a healthy sex life,then they think it’s fine. But once it replaces sex,then it’s a BIG problem, but no info on what to do when this is the case. Btw girls, if you’re looking for more info on this, check out popsugar and type in ‘why does he masturbate’. You’ll get loads info there and others in the same boat,loads of stories both for and against. If anyone has an answer to my question,without the leave him now option, then PLEASE tell me!
written by Zen, 26 January, 2012
Wow, Im glad that Im not the only one with this issue. Ive been with my partner for 15 months and I love him so much but this whole masturbating thing whilst watching porn really pisses me off!! I have been living with him for about a year now. Recently I lost my job so Im pretty much always at home. If Im not then Im only out of the house for a couple hours. So why cant he wait?? Its the watching porn that really bothers me as he has so many videos and pictures of us yet he still watches them?? Is that right?? His history on his iphone is ALWAYS deleted!! He knows how much it hurts me. I just feel so rubbish about myself smilies/sad.gif
written by Star in the sky, 27 January, 2012
Ladies ...I know exactly how you feel! I’ve been with my boyfriend for 10 years. Our sex life used to be great. Now we have sex ones a week if I am lucky. He wanks on celebrities, mainly Shakira. I am much fitter than her, my ass is much smaller, my belly is much flatter and I don’t sing stupid songs with that annoying voice ...and yet, 3 weeks ago I came home and Shaki’s ass was all over his computer GRRRRRRRR.....This is not the first time I see celebs asses on his laptop and it bothers me EVERY time!

When I confront him, he says wanking is "normal", "every guy does it", "you can’t deny my natural instincts", gets very defensive or shuts off. He doesn’t understand how his wanking can possibly hurt me and why I am so upset about it. I often ask him "how would you feel if you find pictures of David Beckham dick and ass (from every corner) on my computer", he says he would be OK with it and wouldn’t bother him at all....

OK with it my ass!!! Last week I went to a sex shop and bought couple of vibrators about two sizes bigger than my boyfriend’s dick. I "casually" left them in my drawer. I also downloaded porn videos with hot guys strippers on my computer (to be honest, I really like these videos lol)

Few days ago my boyfriend was looking for his driving license and I innocently suggested to look in my drawer...WHOA!! The shock on his face, the confusion and the intimidation when he saw my vibrators was PRICELESS!
I acted a little shy and "caught" in a way and told him not to worry because THIS IS WHAT GIRLS DO AND IT’S NORMAL.
I also reassured him that I love him very much and having vibrators bigger than his dick doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy sex with him. Still confident, he decided to be cool about it and kinda bought my story...kinda!

Few days ago he was transferring music from from my downloads and WHOA ... he found the hot guys/big dicks stripper videos. That shook him real bad ... He looked at me in disbelieve like he doesn’t know me at all. For a first time he realized that girls ALSO enjoy porn, looking and wanking at hot guys AND he may not be the one I think about when it comes to sex ...Ha!

His attitude has change a lot since. He is intimidated, I can see it in his face. Now He Knows How It Feels! I bet celebs asses is the last thing in his mind right now...

Personally,I am having the emotional orgasm of the century. Revenge is best when served cold!
I also tested my new toy(vibrator) today and it felt great smilies/smiley.gif

Girls, just remember: whatever guys can do, we can do too ...BUT BETTER! xxx

written by Fan of Star in the Sky!!, 28 January, 2012
Star in the sky – I love you! You have made me smile and I’m gonna do just what you’ve done!!!!
written by Paul Toghill, 28 January, 2012
We are a gay male couple. This morning I got up first and dressed, went downstairs. 5 minutes later I had to go back to the bedroom. I caught my partner wanking off. Why did he wait until I was out of the room? Why didn’t he do it while I was in bed? Why didn’t he have sex with me? Prefers his own hand rather than me then! He said that I know that he is a wanker and always have been. In my eyes, he cheated on me with his own hand. I have caught him many times before; watching porn on his PC for example. So I am not enough for him then. Great, I feel like crap, thanks Gareth !
written by Star in the sky, 28 January, 2012
Quick update on my post above..

Over the last 24 hours I’ve been raping my vibrators and hot guys/ big dicks videos..and loving every min of it lol

My boyfriend intimidated as hell, walking around not knowing what to do with himself. He tried to join in but I turned him down...because, frankly, after abusing my vibrator, sex with him is the last thing in my mind.
I told him I expect some understand bearing in mind he turned me down quite of few times due to his celebs wanking ..

Now he is the one asking questions ‘Why are you using vibrators and hot guys videos when I am here? Why don’t you have sex with me instead? Am I not big/hot enough for you?" My answer?...Oh,this is what girls do! Is nothing,don’t worry about it.

He is worried though, I can see it in his face. His insecurities are about to hit the roof...

I am fully aware that what I am doing is hurting his feelings, confidence etc but I can’t help it. He’s done it to me over the last 10 years so many times that I really don’t care at the moment. Let him have it!

...and the hell if this relationship if I can’t get laid properly with the man I live because he is too lazy or too busy wanking on celebrities.
A lot of men think that their sex drive is somehow higher ...Big Mistake! Wake up guys before your lady grabs the vibrators or the dick of the boy next door. There is a lot of fish in the sea you know..! Ah, and welcome to 21st century xxx
written by Zen, 29 January, 2012
Star In the sky, your amazing!! I love what you have done. He certainly deserves it!!! Just be careful and dont let it get too out of hand!! x
written by Zen, 29 January, 2012
Paul, I completely understand how you feel. My partner always does it as soon as the front door is shut. What are you going to do? x
written by Here’s an idea, 30 January, 2012
Next time you catch your partner masturbating, if you really want to test him, instead of yelling at him, freaking out, or just being weird and getting really creepily defensive. Try this after you catch him, like immediately. Strip down and offer yourself up right then and there. Or maybe mess with him by leaving at first and acting like your upset then coming back naked or something. If he still chooses masturbation over you, while you’re right there naked. Then yeah, you’ve probably got an issue. But I doubt that’s whats going to happen.
You’ve got to understand that maybe your guy doesn’t really believe you when you tell him you’re always an option. But if you were to literally give him the option right then and there of you or his hand, you’d probably get a good result.
your guy just might not even feel like having the romance at that time either, maybe he just wants to get rid of that obnoxious hard on he has going on. It’s probably not that he likes masturbating more, it’s just a quick and easy solution to what he has going on.
On a more personal note, I honestly only masturbate once a day at max, sometimes I even try to stop for awhile, so that it is better when I’m with my girlfriend. But I’m not always with her, and she’s not ALWAYS in the mood.
written by Paul Toghill, 31 January, 2012
I don’t know, Zen...
written by sandra leslie, 03 February, 2012
My husband masturbates most days. I caught him first soon after we were married. I went to bed early but got up for a drink. There he was on the settee with his pants down and as I entered the room he had just started cumming. Now if I don’t feel like sex I tell him to go and masturbate.
written by Paul Toghill, 04 February, 2012
Caught him again this morning, just after I got out of bed. Had enough !
written by If you make it all the way down to the bottom..., 11 February, 2012
Many people have different views on whats considered as cheating or whats "normal behaviour". Bottom line is some girls are completely fine with their partners looking at porn or pictures of other women and some aren’t.

If this issue is something that botheres you, don’t look on here and try and convince yourself this is normal behaviour and that your over reacting.

If it bothers you, it’s wrong.

I believe your views are based on what you put into the relationship. If your not touching yourself looking at porn or pictures of guys then it is completely natural to not want your bf to look at porn or other girls pictures.

I don’t agree with looking at porn or a picture of another woman to satisfy yourself if your in a relationship. If you’ve got a high sex drive satisfy yourself but what need is there to bring another woman into the equation?

I refuse to believe it’s ok for a man in a relationship to satisfy himself looking at anyone else that isn’t the girl he is with.

They say not to take it personally but how would you not? What you do when your single is no one’s business but it’s a different ball game when your in a relationship.

Specially when a girl does everything she can to please her bf and he makes her feel like she’s not enough by looking at cheap sl*ags he wouldn’t be seen with in reality. It’s hypocritical when a guy doesn’t want to date a sl*ag but w*nks off to one? How do you think that makes the person your with feel?

Like I said if your the type that doesn’t get bothered good luck to you. But I REFUSE to accept that waankin to porn or pictures of other women is normal and acceptable in a relationship.

Like it was previously said bf’s actually need to come across this website and see the negative affect their actions have on their partners. It really can damage a persons confidence.

You just need to be honest about it. The worst thing you can do is lie about it. If your actions are hurting your gf then you owe it to her to be honest and let her know if this is something you can stop doing or if it’s not this should be the girls decision as to wether she stays with someone like that or not.

Some of these messages really touched me and I can relate to them, so seriously if it’s bothers you don’t think your alone, because your reli not x
written by If you make it all the way down to the bottom..., 11 February, 2012
Star In The Sky

Where was you 9 months ago!!! That’s genius lol! Wish I did exactly that. Maybe next time (Fingers crossed there won’t be a next time)

But I’m with you 100% about the celebrities. If you’d rather your right hand a picture good luck to you and hello vibrator.

Thanks for that post I enjoyed reading it smilies/smiley.gif
written by 2am not sleepy, 11 February, 2012
Star In The Sky. Your amazing I love your style and like I said I wish you was around 9 months ago lol! x
written by True love, 17 February, 2012
Revenge is meant for enemies, not lovers.
Always, there are better ways.
I can ensure you, there will always be.
If you are unable to think of one, get advice from the right person.
All in all, never start avenging your love ones.
written by What now???, 19 February, 2012
So I know when ever he is home alone, he is masturbating. I’ve tried talking to him about it before and he said he would stop...and it did for a little while. Now he’s back at it and tries to hide the evidence. When days go by and he has no desire to fulfill my needs that’s when I feel sad...yeah, sad, for me. Do I approach the subject again? I’m tired of finding dirty shirts hidden around.
written by What now???, 19 February, 2012
Help. What now. I’ve talked to my boyfriend about him masturbating before, that I felt it took away from our sex life, as he already used his "urge" earlier before I got home. He said he wouldn’t do it anymore. I was finally feeling like it wasn’t happening every time he was home alone until...days go by and he doesn’t want to have sex...then I start finding dirty shirts hidden about the house..he’s back at it and trying hard to hide it from what???

written by What now???, 19 February, 2012
So I have talked with my boyfriend before about him masturbating when I’m not home, really can’t he wait?? Took me a long time to bring the subject up but I needed to know if the evidence on the shirts was his alone our if there some one else he was with. After denial on his part of all of it, he finally admits its his but he found it embarrassing. I explained what I was thinking and how it made me feel and he said he would stop, and for a while he does. Long enough, for me to stop thinking he was doing it every time he was alone. Until..he goes days to week without wanting sex with me. Then I start finding dirty shirts hidden around the house. not only is he doing it again, but he is trying to hide it from me....makes ME feel very sad and let what???
written by ts, 21 February, 2012
I have been married for 3 years and about a year ago I caught my husband jacking off to porn. I had left the house earlier that morning and came back unannounced and found him in the bedroom watching porn. I was furious with him because I tried to initiate sex that morning and he rebuffed me. I don’t know what came over me I was seething in anger and I slapped him then I kicked off my shoes stripped off my pants and underwear and climbed up on the bed and yanked his face right between my legs and seriously demanded oral sex from him. Right afterwards (jeez I was surprised by the orgasm) I told him to get out of bed, shower, and dressed. We left the house together. We had a long talk in the car. Now I control the sex in the house and we are happier about it. He is more attentive too. I have put measures in place to make sure he isn’t watching porn on the computer etc and I monitor what comes out of him. I don’t know if this would work for anyone else but it did for me. And I still consider masturbation cheating. He needs to ask me, which is usually no unless he wants to do it in front of me which he doesn’t. No sneaking one in in the shower either because I am wise to that one too as I hover around the bathroom when he is in there just to make sure he isn’t soaping himself too much down there. I have a high libido so he gets sex often, just not what he would probably really want as I can only orgasm from oral sex. He would only do this after I had showered and now if he wants relief he has learned it is when I want and not just after a shower either. He would immediately wash his face afterwards and that made me mad too, so he needs to spoon with me afterwards and now he is much better overall. Men can be pigs but with the right motivation I still love the little swine!
written by FED UP !!!!!!!, 21 February, 2012
I am so happy to learn that I am NOT ALONE in feeling hurt and betrayed by this. My boyfriend and I have talked about this time and time again and he knows how much it hurts me and he STILL continues to do it and tells me that it’s natural and that he won’t stop doing it. How in the f*ck can you claim to love me and yet continue to do something that hurts me? This literally has taken over my life. Every time I am out in public and I see a "hot" girl I think that he is going to go home and masturbate thinking about that person! I can’t even go out anywhere with him and just be happy because I constantly have this fear! I think the worst part is that he masturbates to actual people that he knows or sees out. It feels like cheating to me. It doesn’t feel like commitment or a loving relationship, it feels like he doesn’t care enough to give up his animalistic nature. He tells me that he can’t help but have sexual thoughts or find other women attractive sometimes. And I even understand that, obviously women find other men attractive too, but the difference is is that we don’t go home and fantasize about that guy f*cking us!!! Even before I was with him I used to watch porn sometimes, but I don’t do it now because I’m in a relationship with him!!! Is it really so much to ask him to give me the same respect? It’s ruining the entire relationship and he is letting it! I can’t believe that he won’t just stop doing it in order to make us both happy, because he does it and then feels so guilty about it that he tells me. IF YOU FEEL GUILTY ABOUT IT AND KNOW THAT IT HURTS ME THEN WHY DO YOU KEEP DOING IT?!? Why are men so stupid? They can’t just BE with us, COMMIT to us, and be so grateful that we’re even still around after all of their bullshit! Then he tells me that I won’t ever find a guy who won’t masturbate thinking about other women, and he is probably right! So then I just feel like I’m always doomed to be miserable!!! I’m at the point where I don’t even want to think about him sexually anymore because he disgusts me. The funny thing is that I NEVER deny him sex, I actually want it more than he does!!! But the more I think about it everyday the more I want nothing to do with him. Masturbating to some random girls is more important than the woman who cares about you, loves you, and does everything for you??? I AM TIRED OF FEELING HURT, NOT GOOD ENOUGH, AND OVERALL BAD ABOUT MYSELF. I used to be so happy before all of this masturbating stuff came out in our relationship. Now I’d rather be alone then put up with this pain every day!!!
written by Soul Yearning, 24 February, 2012
I have felt so alone in my suffering until at my wits end I googled my problem! It turns out there’s a lot of women out there suffering too. Sadly, it takes an anonymous chat page on the Internet to talk about it but it’s better than the silence of your own ‘deluded mind’ ... for that is how I feel. I figured I had an unhealthy & abnormal hang up about my partner masturbating but it seems I’m not the only ‘abnormal’ one!
I still don’t live with my boyfriend of 4 & a half years and we only spend 2 or 3 nights a week together. Whenever ‘I’ bring up the wanking topic (there’s no way that he would initiate a conversation on this topic), he tells me I’m being ridiculous in my accusations & conveniently starts on about his hang up with the sex life I had before I met him. It all ends with him storming off to his house, we take a couple of days to cool down, then we’ll see each other again.
Now from what I’m reading on this chat page, I am correct in assuming that ALL men masturbate & fantasies about other women ... Whether they’re single or not and whether they’re honest about it or not ... They all do it :-(
So I know that as a woman who hates it, I am doomed. Either I put up with it or be on my own ... I don’t like either option :-(
I masturbate about once in 10 days and when I do, I am thinking about my boyfriend watching porn & wanking or something along those lines of him getting off on another woman. Now how f@&#ed; up is that?!! Self-sabotage or what?
Weird & strange thoughts & desires provoked by something primaeval – something we battle to understand about ourselves & each other. There are so many men committing sick sexual acts on adults, children & animals (ie. whatever they can ‘stick it in’) that I am repulsed at this sad sick species they call ‘man’. And if so many physically commit the act, then how many more are ‘innocently’ fantasizing & masturbating over doing it?
I yearn for spiritual awakening in myself & others, but how can we spiritually evolve if we are ‘stuck’ in lustful activities.
You ARE what you ‘think’ people! Your private thoughts create who you are ... This is an obvious fact we like to be ignorant to because it’s easier to be ignorant, especially when there’s an orgasm to be had! WAKE UP WANKERS! Embrace your soul that’s yearning for higher vibrations ... A lot higher than your one’eyed, no brain, penis! And your women will love you so much more, turning sex into soul-awakening love making that’s more pleasurable than a private lustful toss off. If your woman is testing you 100 percent, then she opens herself to you in a very sacred way. But you’ll never experience this if you stay where you’re at, ie. ‘the common lesser evolved man’.
written by Kimiko, 26 February, 2012
Wow ! I’ve been searching for articles on masturbation and wham! I can’t believe some of the rants here. I guess I don’t really understand the problem because my boyfriend and I have a wonderful, passionate sex life. However, we do not live together so we both masturbate when we aren’t together and honestly I know that I masturbate FAR more often than he does! Where as he may masturbate twice while we are apart, I’ll masturbate ten times! I’ve always had a high sex drive. I’ve been feeling a bit guilty about it which is totally my issue and no one elses. I’ve discovered that part of the issue is it "seems" like women don’t masturbate! Or they are told its natural for men, its a normal male behavior. We need to change society and have people say its a normal behavior for all! Women are supposed to pleasure themselves as well. And wanting to doesn’t mean you are a dirty slut! It means you have normal sexual desires JUST as men do. Women and men aren’t as different as some ppl here think! I do watch porn occasionally and I’m not watching it saying> oohhh I want that guy to pound me, or oooo look at that cock! Its just about the visual turn on and thinking about how it feels when my bf and I are together. I think its the same for men. Women need to just do it themselves and see... its just about the pleasure! If he wasn’t into you he wouldn’t be with you. I mean come on! Are YOU going to stay with some guy you don’t get wet over? My bf knows I masturbate alot when we aren’t together and he has never ever said it bothered him. Perhaps men don’t care about women masturbating to whatever or flickin’ the bean while thinking about whatever BECAUSE they themselves do it with no reflection on their partner. They can see that its just pleasure, it doesn’t mean a damn thing other than getting off! Much like a chimp rubbin’ itself for lack of a better example! It feels good and when I’m pleasuring myself I’m free to do it in whatever manner I want! My man knows that he is IT for me , that I love him and adore him and find him incredibly sexy ! Our sex life is great because we value each other and we communicate openly and we have no reason whatsoever to play bullshit games that hurt each others feelings.
written by Cheyenne, 03 March, 2012
I have been with my boyfriend for 6momths now. He has been my bestiaries for almost 3 years now. He has been chasing me and I never gave him a chance until now. One morning he has to go to work in like 40min. I asked him if he wanted to go get off real quick. And he asks me if porn is ok. I said sure to see how I would feel afterwards. I was sick to my stomach knowing he was in there beating off to some other girl’s O face. It just killed me. Then he told me another time he was gonna go get ready for work and what does he do? Locks himself in the bathroom and beats off. Locks me out and everything. He didn’t even ask me hey babe wanna help me get off real quick. Totally he is a jerk. I’m only 18 and recently lost my virginity so I’m new to this. And he knows it hurts my feelings. Another thing also he was talking about "having a 3some" is part of his bucket list. Him and I are getting pretty serious and we love each other but when I say I want a 3some with him and another guy he says NEVER gonna happen. So it’s ok if he can have a 3aome with two girls but when I want two guys he says never. It’s just not fair to me. I’m new to this " serious" love stuff. I thought I was the only girl feeling this way. I’m glad I’m not I’m trying to get over it and move on but I can’t. I don’t know what to do....
written by Happy Husband, 07 March, 2012
There seems to be 2 camps here. 1.I hate my husband masturbating & ignoring me. or 2.We love integrating masturbation into our marriage. I believe both are correct. My wife & I have been very open to talk about and explore our sex lives. We love to try new things including oral, anal, toys, masturbation together and alone and sharing of fantasies. We have explored some things that didn’t really stick including some mild porn and erotica, but we don’t believe that porn or other cheating type activities are a healthy part of personal or married sex life so we are very limited there. So what is the key to determining what goes and what doesn’t in marriage. It is simple: You should only care for your wifes happiness, sexually and otherwise, & she should only care for yours. Both partners are guaranteed fulfilment that way. So any husband that spends his day masturbating to porn and neglects his wifes sexual and other needs is not normal but is a selfish SOB. Same with the wife. I masturbate alone on occasion at my wifes encouragement because she wants me to tell her about it during our lovemaking, I have always encouraged her to do the same because I love for her to tell me about it as well. We also enjoy viewing each other mutually masturbate during sex. I do some things that aren’t my favorite to please her, and she does some things to please me. But we never force anything that one or the other deems out of bounds. I have generally been the more exploratory one, but would never ask her to do something that she didn’t want. My wife isn’t jealous of my fantasies, but I do try to control myself that i’m not fantasizing about her friends or things that she would not be comfortable with. I have felt lucky that she loves me to talk about my fantasies and wants sex as much or more than me and has steadily increased in desire since we got married. Hope you all find the path that works. Be honest and faithful. It takes work to make it last.
written by Chris56, 07 March, 2012
I think that masturbation for guys are absolutely normal. Almost all guy masturbate even he is married. Sometimes there are stuff that women just don’t know what guy want and need and also cannot satisfy a guy desire. So I feel that it is perfectly alright for a married guy to stare at porn and masturbate.

written by Chadd, 11 March, 2012
My girlfriend and I both masturbate, and we both know it. It’s healthy. Would you rather not know that he did?

We could have sex every time instead. But then you have to worry about babies and pent up sexual tension.

It’s just your legal right to masturbate, plain and simple. It shouldn’t even be an argument.

And now, on to the question; Why do we masturbate?

Many times, I masturbate because;

1) She isn’t around and/or wanting to have sex right now and I won’t just force it upon her.

2) It keeps me from wanting to have sex with other women. Instead of wanting to cheat, I know I could just masturbate and not screw up our relationship.

3) Probably the least understood reason; men want to please their women. We have this "responsibility" placed upon us by society to last an hour in bed, and know twenty positions, and to look great doing it.

We want you to come. It turns me on more than anything when my girlfriend comes. I want to make that happen for her, and I feel like the only way is to screw her until it happens.

In reality, men aren’t made to last long. Woman should and mostly do naturally last longer. It should be acceptable for a man to come and then respectfully help to finish you however he can. But it isn’t. That’s called "premature ejaculation", and society makes us think that you aren’t a man if your man parts don’t work or look exactly how porn stars say it should.

You think men aren’t just as insecure?

With all this pressure to be good, many men practice. We know that if we can last a long time masturbating, it could translate. We read online (on all sorts of science-y websites) that masturbating will make us last longer in bed. So we try it; and kegel exercises (shhhh!!!! don’t tell women that men know what that is!), and watching other people have sex in crazy positions that we could never pull off.

"If I cannot come to Jenna Jameson spread-eagle, then I should be okay in bed with you!"

It sounds mean... but really, do you look like Jenna Jameson?

Many times, he’s masturbating so that when you have sex he doesn’t come almost instantly.

written by Chadd, 11 March, 2012
Also, I don’t want to sound condescending, but to all the women on here that equate this to cheating, or feel hurt to the core, or constantly paranoid about this;


It seems so insecure to me, an almost complete lack of self-esteem and trust. You would rather be lied to than know the truth? (Almost every man masturbates, rather he tells you or not!) You honestly don’t think he has the right to please himself the way that HE likes? Where in the relationship rules does it say "you hereby agree to give up your right to self-pleasure?"

Relationships should make you free and help you to grow as a person. So many people today see them as a contract. As a way to bind you to them, and to restrict the ways that you want to grow. It’s selfish. It’s almost like you see relationships as self-protection from an everlasting conflict. You see it as you vs. them and they agreed to live by your rules when they agreed to a truce with you.

I think the real issue is watching pornography for a lot of you. I see this as a semi-legitimate concern. Ultimately, this is no different than thinking of another woman during sex or masturbation. I fail to see how this is unfair. They obviously love you; they are intimating themselves with you as closely as physically and emotionally possible on a regular basis. They could not possibly align themselves more closely to you. At this point, your fears that they are thinking of someone else are evidence of your insecurity, not his infidelity.

It seems that people always examine and analyze everyone else’s situation and/or flaws "perfectly"; they always foresee the bad things coming, and the solution to everyone else’s problems. But they can’t even see the beginning or end of their most basic flaws. They can barely wipe their butts. Stop blaming your significant other for masturbating, and start blaming yourself for being irrational.
written by Nononomo, 13 March, 2012
She’s sleeping. I just masturbated because I didn’t want to wake her because of work the next morning.
written by S. E, 14 March, 2012
My boyfriend proposed a week a go. We are both so in love and have been together for four years. Over the last two years though I have caught him masturbating on five different occasions each time he promised he wouldn’t do it again and that it was just because he woke up horny and I had already left for work and he just had to come. I have a much higher sex drive than him, I’m willing to do anything in bed and love doing it so why would he do this? He swears he doesn’t even look at other girls. Why cant he wait for me? I wouldn’t mind as much if he was fantasizing about me but hes looking at porn!! And he hates the thought of me doing it without him. I don’t know whether to still marry him as I cant live a life like this. I believe its mental cheating. He promises he wont do it again. Do i give him one more chance?????
written by ....., 20 March, 2012
I absolutely 100% am not okay with my boyfriend watching porn.

That being said, I told him this and how it makes me feel and turned the situation around and asked him how he would feel if I was getting off to other men. Someone with a bigger dick or a 6 pack or whatever. He agreed it would make him feel like shit.

I have full access to my boyfriends E-Mail account, facebook, cell phone, etc. and since telling him how I feel, I have not seen any evidence of porn anywhere. His history is never deleted either.

He still masturbates but never when I am home. I think the only time he masturbates is when I am working evenings (only twice a week) and if he is not sleeping by the time I get home, he still has sex with me. Tonight he was awake when I got home and I playfully asked him if he masterbated when he showered. He told me that he did. It irks me a little bit, wondering what he was thinking about. He tells me he thinks about me, maybe he does, maybe he doesn’t. But at the very least, I don’t have to come across pictures or videos of the trashy women he is getting off to. And he still had sex with me despite masturbating earlier in the evening.

So even though I don’t love the fact that he masturbates (and to be honest--the sight of a man masturbating is revolting to me, and so is the mental image of it), I don’t feel I can complain too much. As far as I can tell, he gave up the porn. So if he wants to masturbate when he’s sitting at home bored by himself, who am I to complain about it?

As for the other women who have posted with boyfriends who watch too much porn and have pictures of celebrities (or facebook friends--eek!), I would probably dump him. In my experience, guys like to see what they can get away with. And the longer you let them do things you’re not comfortable with, the more "normal" it seems to them and the more of a habit it becomes.

It’s one thing to be a controlling girlfriend (like some of the guys above think), but it’s another to compromise. And if he can’t turn down a fictional girl on the internet, how is he going to turn down a real life slut? And we all know there are just as many real life sluts as there are internet sluts.

written by Aboutit, 22 March, 2012
Ok, after reading all these for like, an hour, I completely understand where mostly everyone is coming from (haha punny!) And I’d just like to maybe give you ladies a solution.
I have an incredibly high sex drive and always want sex from my boyfriend. I also feel the urge to masturbate more often than not. But, I am a woman. SHOCKER!!! I don’t believe there is a difference between how horny I get and how horny a male gets.
My boyfriend found out that I masturbated and neglected to tell him probably about 15-20 times in our two year and counting relationship. He is very sensitive and this hurt him, which I completely understood because, wait for it, I PUT MYSELF IN HIS SHOES. Gosh, If I caught him masturbating to porn, I would be F*cking Livid. And by the way, it has absolutely NOTHING to do with self esteem or insecurities, because I trust my boyfriend to infinity and beyond, and I love my body. It has to do with this ‘mental cheating’ subject.
I know there should be a certain amount of forgiving and open-ness in a relationship, but guys (and ladies) making sacrifices is what a relationship is about.
If you want to masturbate while a beautiful woman sits twenty feet away, I get it, maybe you just don’t want to have to worry about her and just want to ‘get it over with’ or ‘relieve tension’. But think about it. Would it really ruin your life if you controlled your urge to masturbate? I don’t believe masturbating 7 or less times a week is an addiction, but I believe you have to give up some things for the love of your life in order to have a healthy relationship.
You can’t have your cake and eat it too in a relationship. But love trumps sacrifice.
MEN if you truly love your significant other, RESIST. It may be hard at first, but I guarantee it gets way easier. In fact, the only thing I look forward to is sex with my boyfriend. Speaking from personal experience, it is somewhat difficult to resist the urge to masturbate, yes, but if you think about how good you’ll feel about being honest with your partner, its way better. Plus you don’t have to worry about feeling guilty or hiding it from your partner!!!
I have been ‘abstinent’ from masturbation for 3 months now and I feel awesome about my relationship.
However, if you’re OK with your boyfriend masturbating, you shouldn’t be on this site, but then that’s great and you can both masturbate till you’re dead!
And if you’re a man reading this, you may hate me for suggesting you need to make a change for your partner, but DON’T blame it on her being a woman, (or if you’re homosexual, just don’t assume its his/her problem) . I’m a woman and I promise I have at least equal sex drive as these ‘crazed masturbators’. I CAME OUT ALIVE (pun intended) but really, you guys make it seem like a huge deal about ‘not being able to stop’ grow a vagina and think about how hurt your partner is by you doing that!!!

Here’s a diagram for those of you skimming through this:

Not being able to masturbate (to porn or not) < Helping your partner feel comfortable in the relationship.

If you can’t tell, the part to the RIGHT of the arrow trumps the latter.

PLEASE know that going into a long term relationship requires work, care, and sacrifice. Its not ever going to be easy and if you can’t handle that, be single and masturbate to your hearts content!

An analogy as another example of sacrifice:
Your partner goes to the bar at least thrice a week. You know that he/she flirts with other men (never goes through with anything, but still). Would it be that bad of you to ask him/her to wait for you to get home to go the bar, or just not go when you aren’t there?

The answer is NO. If it makes you uncomfortable, you shouldn’t have to live with it. Period. DOING SOMETHING YOU ‘LOVE’ DOING EVEN THOUGH YOUR PARTNER IS TORN UP ABOUT IT MEANS IT IS YOUR PROBLEM.
Though there are special circumstances, (studying with friends, going out with friends, having some alone time to read or watch TV) it is your job to accomodate your partner. Same goes with them. Its their job in the relationship to give you what you deserve. Do you need to masturbate? No. And why do I know this? Because I don’t.

If you do need to masturbate to lead a normal life then it is an addiction of some sort and you do need help.

written by Aboutit, 22 March, 2012
Anyways, my solution as I said I had at the very beginning of this: Call, text, webcam, or side-by-side masturbation. For you gentlemen and ladies out there that just want a solution, that’s what it is. Honesty. Ask him to tell you when he’s horny or when he wants to masturbate. I know, it sounds like you’re being his mother asking him to ‘check in’ but seriously, its waaayyyy better than the feeling you get when they don’t tell you and try to hide it.
Its hard for me when I want to masturbate and I know I have to tell my boyfriend, because I worry if he’ll be in a bad mood, or bring me down or IDK but way more often than not, he calls me and lets me tell him what I’m doing so that way he knows for sure that he’s the only guy on my mind.
I sacrifice my privacy for him because I love him and can feel empathy for the way my private masturbation makes him feel inside.


If this didn’t help... just trial and error what is good for you and your partner. You will both have to work at it to make it last.

Good luck to all.
written by Aboutit, 22 March, 2012
Also, to ‘Chadd’, Yes, relationships are a contract. Unless you choose to be in an open relationship. Whether you want to admit it or not, you make a ‘contract’ otherwise known as a commitment to your partner the day you start dating them.
Have you ever heard of wedding vows? CONTRACT. If you find someone who enjoys the non contractual relationship as much as you, then that’s wonderful, I wish you the best, but for this woman’s issue above, you really don’t get the message she’s trying to get across.

written by not enough??, 05 April, 2012
I found porn on my fiances phone. I asked him about it and he admitted sometimes he watches is a gets off. I know I’m a hypocrite as I do this at times but for some reason i feel so rejected, unsexy and not good enough for him?? I think I’m the weirdo here though......not him : ( x
written by not enough??, 05 April, 2012
Am I the weirdo??? I hate it that he masturbates : ( xx
written by mamacita, 09 April, 2012
written by madjill75, 12 April, 2012
So many posts about this. Oh guys,how sorry we all are that you have to put so much effort into pleasing us women. Really? What was it? Sometimes having to please my partner is too much effort, when a 5 minute whack job is all I need? How considerate of you to argue with the way we’re made. Seriously?? Yes, we know you do it. Yes, most of us hate it. However, and I think What Now??? Touched on this, you promise to refrain from wanking (for a while at least), yet you come nowhere near us to replace the wanking with sex... So if you aren’t getting off alone, and you aren’t getting from us, then what are you doing for relief?? Think of this as a eureka moment guys, if you say you are abstaining (LIES,but lets go with it), then at least try to fool us by behaving horny, and frustrated and turned on by whatever we’re doing on a daily basis. If you say you’re not masturbating, and then not wanting sex, then there’s a very real breakdown here. It all points to one thing, clearly we women are made all wrong, we require too much effort to be bothered with, and masturbation is just easier and quicker. Am I touching a nerve here? And another comment I read really pissed me off. Someone said, if he comes then that’s fine (something along those lines), just as long as he satisfies them too. Is there something wrong with satisfying the woman first?? In my experience, he gets satisfied and then complains that he has to satisfy me afterwards, when all he wants to do is sleep. Fuckity fuckballs to you matey. This whole thing makes me so bloody angry. Why do we feel this way and then merely mentioning it to you, you blame us for being whining, needy, and madly obsessive lunatics. Ever thought that perhaps your behavior has induced this?? There’s a thought eh? And I must add, how thoughtful of you all to have a wank before sex in order to last longer. Ever enter your heads that it’s not against the law to have sex with your partner more than once in a session?? The first time can be written off to make room for more explosive sex. But no, of course not. Whack off, pick up the plaything, shut it up for a while, and then slope off feeling like you’ve done your duty. Right, I’m gonna go before I throw this computer out the window cos I’m seriously pissed off!! GRRRRRRRRRRRR.smilies/angry.gif
written by santo, 18 April, 2012
It is amazing to find so many conversations about the issue.
I am in the same boat, engaged to be married to a lovely person but after finding that he looks at porn occasionally I’m note sure whether to proceed with the wedding.
I do realize that most man say it is normal and most women disagree but I find it very hard to deal with and don’t think I will ever accept it as normal. Masturbating is one thing but looking at other women to get you aroused takes it to another level. It feels like cheating if the person they imagine while doing it isn’t yourself and hurts even more when they look nothing like you. Does it mean that given the opportunity every man would cheat as well? What if they’re out without you and the opportunity presents itself??...will they have to release the tension then and there?
I believe that women in long term relationships often masturbate because the foreplay gets shorter and shorter and we often don’t climax. I sometime masturbate in the shower but if anything, it makes me more horny and I want sex with my partner even more. It’s a different sort of climax that a woman has when masturbating comparing to the one experienced during intercourse. On the other hand, men climax in the same way and I could never understand why would a guy masturbate and use his hand if he has access to the woman he supposedly loves.
I have briefly spoken to my partner about porn, didn’t mention that I’m aware of him watching it. All I mentioned is that I came across website where women were having issues with their partners watching it and jerking off. I told him that I felt sorry for these women as there was obviously something wrong in their relationships. I also told him that in 2,5,10 years of our marriage he starts doing it, I would leave him immediately as I see it as form of cheating. Of course he said he would never do it, not even after we’ve been together that long.
I have issues with him lying to me on this occasion but I also understand that most of us don’t like talking about masturbation, big taboo! Now that he learned how I feel about it, if he continues doing it Ill have no choice but to leave him.
So, to all women out there who deal with this issue I would like to say: It cant be normal if it makes us feel the way it does. If you can live with it and be happy that’s fine. If you check the computer every time you come back from work and wonder whether he is doing it while you’re away, then that cant be the happiness and life you deserve.
written by Help!!, 19 April, 2012
I really need some help! I’m becoming obsessed, about the thought of my boyfriend masturbating. It’s controlling my life! I’m quite a jealous, insecure person&i like to be in full control, although I’ve worked on this&think I’m better than I was. Anyway my boyfriend of 2years, is lovely. He’d do anything for me & we have a very close relationship. When we first met we couldn’t officially be together for 6weeks as he lived away, I jokingly said to him I bet you masturbated loads until we were together again&he said no he hadn’t as he doesn’t do they at all very often. Something I found very odd as my ex boyfriend use to masturbate a few times a day! Anyway, throughout most our relationship he still claimed he rarely if ever masturbates, one day he told me jokingly he had&showed me the tissue in the bin he’d used to clean himself up, after this I became crazy&obsessive. I checked his laptop history&found each time I was at work he’d been watching porn, when I confronted him he denied it at first saying it must have been a virus, this infuriated me as I knew he was lying, it hurt me to think he’d keep anything at all from me, 2days later after I still wouldn’t let it go he finally admitted it, saying he didn’t wank over it just watched it out of boredom... I then started checking the history every time I knew he’d been online, strangely now I find none and I know he obviously deletes it. I check the bin for wank tissues! I’m obsessed! I convince myself when I’m not at home he wanks! Our sex life is ok, I have a higher sex drive them him, so it annoys me if he hasn’t wanted sex then I think hes had a wank and I feel rejected. Surely sex with me is better than a wank?! It makes me shake and feel
Sick to think he’d touch himself ‘sneakily’
Whilst I wasn’t home then lie about it, I can’t understand why? And why he can’t openly talk to me about it
written by Hope this helps, 23 April, 2012
I have to write this, because I feel for all the ladies on here. I have a very high sex drive. Higher than my soon to be husbands. When he decides to get impatient and masturbate while I’m not home I get angry because when I do come home he has already wasted his sexual energy on his hand, and sometimes doesn’t want to have sex!!! That enrages me and really upsets me, because now his masturbation is having a negative impact on our sex life and my sexual pleasure. When I have asked him why would he masturbate instead of waiting for me to come home and have sex with me , he says it’s a habit. That is the only reason I have ever heard that makes sense in my mind. Boys/ men start masturbating at a young age and continue to throughout adolescence and adult hood. It becomes a habit or obsession for some men. I am extremely fortunate that when I explained to my fiancé that it makes me upset, because I want his sexual energy and if he masturbated he is wasting it on his hand he understands. We have agreed that he will not masturbate while I am in town. If I am away and not available for sex, then he has to satisfy that sexual urge, and I get that. I do however have a problem with him only masturbating to porn. I understand that men need visuals to get aroused and orgasm. I am the same way when I masturbate. But, I want him to fantasize about me as well, not just random women. So, we have taken nude pictures of me alone and while having sex so he can fantasize about me while I’m out of town or vice versa. He is an amazing man, and doesn’t have an obsession with masturbation and realizes that it takes away from our sex life.

What men don’t understand is that women want to feel included in a mans sexual fantasies. If men don’t want to stop masturbating then there should be a compromise. I guarantee that women wouldn’t care if they were their mans fantasies while masturbating. It’s the fact that men think about sex with other women when masturbating and that hurts us. The solution that works in my relationship is taking nude pictures of yourself for your man to enjoy!!! They need visuals so help them out with that.

I also agree that a lot of the issue is about trust. If you agree not to masturbate you can’t go behind your partners back and do it anyway. By doing that you are ruining trust in the relationship!!! If you truly love your partner you will come up with a solution and compromise for masturbating. My situation is unique in that I’m the one with the higher libido, so my fiancé doesn’t need to masturbate to satisfy he sexual urges. Not many woman have high libidos however, so men need to satisfy their sexual appetite!!! Come to a solution that works for both partners, if you truly love each other you can make it work smilies/smiley.gif
written by Wow, 23 April, 2012
I can’t believe other people are having this problem too. I’ve been with my husband for 6.5 years, & we’re both young and I was rather attractive (now I’m 7 months pregnant with his daughter so of course I’m a whale). We just recently reached the "I won’t watch porn unless it’s a couple’s endeavor" phase, but what bothers me is that he looks at other girls in real life, remembers their faces bodies whatever, and then gets off to that. He told me he used to jack off to a girl he worked with, and that sucked, but what sucked a lot worse was that when she started sending him messages on FB and texting him (he asked her for her number 2 hours after we decided we couldn’t be together anymore last summer, and that lasted for all of half a day), he was not only responsive to her, but when she would say things about me being crazy jealous about him having pretty single "friends" and blah blah, he wouldn’t defend me. He told me she was in contact with him and it was harmless, and I tried to be calm but did check his FB in a moment of weakness and found out he was lying. So clearly, if given the opportunity to act out one of his fantasies, I think he’d jump right at it. I hate that he masturbates. He does it usual at least once a day, when he thinks I’m still asleep in the morning or whatever. My blood pressure’s really low and with all my blood being in my uterus if I take a shower by myself half of the time I’ll faint, so he usually just takes one with me (nothing sexual, he never gets hard by seeing me naked). I understand I’m not pretty anymore, & even when I was he never showed much attention to me sexually. We’d have sex and he’d just quit after about 10 minutes (at MOST, our sex sessions are like 5 minutes long tops) because he couldn’t come. Then when I brought up the frequency of his jerking off, he defended it, saying it was just something he always did, whatever, but it had nothing to do with why he couldn’t ejaculate or his low sex drive. We’d have sex maybe once a week, I’d ask him about sex a few times a day. But he’d never feel like it. It’s funny how his sex drive was just so low that he couldn’t be bothered to do it with me, but he did have enough drive to do it with himself daily. Oh, and when he "can’t go," he just heads into the bathroom and finishes himself off. So clearly, yes, he can go. He never initiates sex except for sometimes in the middle of the night. He just gropes for me hazily, then starts putting it in me. Usually I’m awake but there have been times when I’m not. So the only time he wants sex from me is when he’s not even aware I’m the one he’s getting it from. It wouldn’t make any difference to him I don’t think. And now that we’ve moved into a smaller apartment and have more time together than we used to, he doesn’t get quite as many opportunities to do it. Occasionally I’ll catch him going to "poop" but when I go in a minute or two later since there’s a living person on my bladder and I spend 90% of my day on the pisser, it’s quite clear he didn’t poop, and it bothers me that he lies about it. I really hate this, it eats at me, but it wasn’t until recently that I really just figured it out (and when I brought it up to him during the stupid freaking marriage workbook we do he didn’t really have a response). The very, very, VERY few occasions when I don’t want to have sex and he does, I always do it just because I’m so afraid of him jerking off. It wouldn’t bother me half as much if I didn’t know exactly what was running through his mind--people he knows, people he interacts with, people he sees in real actual life. Never his big sea cow of a wife (or even when I was pretty and in great shape and guys would hit on me almost constantly). He is so obsessed with whatever fantasies he has that I don’t fulfill him. And when I ask him to share them with me, he doesn’t, he just says he doesn’t have any. Clearly he does, he just doesn’t want to hurt me. But what hurts me worse is my irrational jealousy of every female I meet now because if they’re attractive, or wearing anything that gives them a seductive figure, or pretty much if they’re not me, then they’re on his mind next time he gets in the bathroom alone. I HATE being that person. I never used to be. Oh, and he just started a job where he’s one of two men and a whole slew of women. So my insecurities are now running wild and I’m trying to be happy and smiley and calm but I just have to wonder what it’s like to be in a relationship where your significant other is actually turned on by your body? We went through a nasty period of him being emotionally abusive, telling me how I was fat (at 100 lbs and 5’2") and ugly and damaged goods because of sexual assault I’d been through, not to mention how he was disappointed the first time he saw me shirtless because I have big nipples. Not that I chose to look that way.
written by Wow, 23 April, 2012
Not that I chose to look that way. When I get self-conscious, he always tells me that I’m pretty and when I talk about what changes I’d like to make to my body, he tries to be nice and tell me that women with perfect bodies want to change stuff too. And all I want to do is shake him to bits and tell me how he made me this way. I want to be happy with him, I love him very much, but his apathy is discouraging and this morning after I thought he might be tugging himself , I just cried all day.
So in closing, I’d try to be okay with your husband boyfriend whatever watching porn. It’s much better than him fapping to a girl he actually knows.
written by madjill75, 26 April, 2012
Wow, am I missing something here?You’re pregnant! Seems to me that he can ‘let go’ as good as the next man! Also with his ‘sensitive’ comments about being ugly and damaged goods etc,on which planet did he leave his brain cell rolling around on it’s own? And also, you say he tries to be nice and re-assure you by saying you’re pretty. After the nasty stuff he said,it’s not being ‘nice’ girl. It’s control. Sets you up to put you down in flames. Lovely bloke. With the whole masturbation thing,no matter how much it hurts,no matter how inadequate it makes us feel,nothing will change. They hide it from us because they know that if they choose it over us and we’re aware of it,they understand why we’d be pissed off. They think we don’t know! Most instances I’ve heard of,once they remove the wank rag,then they’ve covered their tracks. Wakey wakey guys! Putting a tissue down the loo and not flushing,mistake number 1. Leaving the imprint of your body on the freshly made bed,mistake number 2. Half the toilet roll used when we only put a fresh one in that morning, mistake number 3. Waking at say ,7am and not coming downstairs for at least half an hour, mistake number 4. I could go on!! All this said,I declared myself celibate some months ago,but decided last week to have a relapse! However,when I suggested this to my husband, he asked why,and asked who’d I’d been fucking the whole time I’ve been celibate. Bristling,I said nobody,and asked him who he’d been fucking. Without thinking, his reply was ‘myself’. Relapse very definitely avoided. Somebody above this said that if they do this and it makes us feel so bad,then it’s really not normal. It might be normal male behavior,and it may be accepted within the male boundaries,but it goes hand in hand with making sure women put up and shut up and accept that it’s ok to feel like shit. Has society not moved on from this preconception? It’s no longer ok to make a woman or partner feel like this! We could do it to you too y’know. We could satisfy ourselves,make it known,and make you feel like shit too. But,again,in my experience,men are so self absorbed,or more likely,too busy wanking,I doubt they’d notice. I was told a while back,whilst sobbing into the last piece of clean tissue in the house,that it’s mechanical. MECHANICAL????? So should I then assume that you lot cream your shorts every time you start the car or open your tool box? No pun intended. So to finish,guys know it hurts like hell. We don’t like being hurt,guys probably don’t like hurting us,but hurting us ain’t a big enough drawback to make them think twice. I thought that becoming celibate was the only solution. I thought that at least if the option was taken away,then he could whack off and I wouldn’t care because he had no other choice. Whether I was available or not,whether I did or didn’t want that intimacy,nothing makes a difference. Fuck it! Or not as the case may be... Oh,and as for men watching porn. Doesn’t bother me at all. Pure fantasy and escapism. We find it through books. Men find it through the diseased genitals of a porn ‘star’! Again,if someone has any advice on this,then please let all the damaged women and hurting partners on this know,to give us some peace.I really am not ready to give up on my sex life yet. I’m only in my 30’s!!
written by Blush, 01 May, 2012
My boyfriend and I live together. We are also celibate. I’ve tried to jump him a few times but he wants to wait. Initially, I wanted to wait but after a few seasons became ready, willing, and hopeful. I masturbate to keep from propositioning every night and also from leaving him. I watch porn every now and then just to see other women being pleasured and desired in ways I wish he would interact with me.

I heard him masturbating in the shower tonight and it shocked me quite a bit. He usually walks around like sex is the last thing on his mind and I constant;y feel like I’m the only one with a pulse. I’m fine with him masturbating. Mainly because In our backwards way, it’s the only way we can wait. I will honestly say however, that I just wish he would talk to me about it so I’d feel wanted. He doesn’t show me any signs that he’s aroused unless I nuzzle and grind up to him or walk around in one of his shirts and my panties to do yoga. If a girl doesn’t feel wanted at home – her heart can roam. I’m trying to hold out for him but I need passion too. When he’s upset me, he withholds affection even more. I bought a couple toys. They should arrive any day. I told him I bought them. He doesn’t seem to mind. I’m not sure if that’s good or bad. I just want a reaction. Any tips?
written by RealTalk, 08 May, 2012
I’m a male. Masturbation has serious health benefits fro men, like preventing prostate cancer which sometimes requires castration to solve. If made to choose, such a choice is not difficult to make. However, if the sex drives of both partners are equal(kinda unlikely in a heterosexual relationship, though evidently possible), it would be pretty devastating for the female to witness her partner jerking off, knowing he’s probably not doing it to thoughts of her. And where the sex drives are equal, there really is no other reason for masturbation other than dissatisfaction, and the woman(the likely witness)is well within her rights to feel hurt and, frankly, even to call the whole thing off.
written by Ole, 25 May, 2012
I think there is nothing lower than lying if u jerk it admit it my bf and I just had a huge blow out over this when we met I was mostly into women and this made him insecure he got upset because I used to masturbate to lesbian porn etc so I saw it upset him and I stopped masturbating in general we made a pact that neither one of is would masturbate unless the other was present and no one would do it to porn but then I went out one night to a meditation class and got a sick feeling in my stomach I knew he was jerking off I went home asked him he denied it but I knew he was lying. 3 days later I caught him jerking off in the shower and I literally told him I was leaving him. I was chocked he lied to me and did something that was his idea to not do in the first place Men need to learn some fucking EMPATHY and the whole
Men and web should have different codes of sexual conduct is hypocritical bullshit
He was so worried I might be masturbating he would
Sneak up on me in the bath etc. So if it bothers u so bad u need to spy one why the he’ll do u think it is ok to go do the same thing I’m forbidden from doing ???
Really sometimes I wonder why I switched teams at least when your a lesbian no one can bs that their sex should be able to wander around being self indulgent pigs with no remorse while they expect u to keep your hands off yourself

As for the story about the pregnant lady who’s loser husband thinks it is ok to make the woman carrying his baby feel like shit. ... Leave him u deserve better quite frankly I am putting trackers and parental controls on the internet I have already told my man this and I told him I catch him jerking it again I am moving him out I’d rather be single and alone than live with someone and feel more lonely than ever

The most ironic part is that he was the one who was all in a huff about me jerking it so I made him a promise and kept it now I’m going to nail him to the wall with his own demands
If that doesn’t work I’ll go back to masturbating to lesbian porn and tell him to gtfo if u want to jerk it that bad go be single

I find it hilarious guys spend all of high school hating jerking off and trying to get real pussy then they get it and run and hide in a closet to jerk it.

written by Ole, 25 May, 2012
Ps to chris
Saying that sometimes your wife can’t satisfy you so u should be allowed to watch porn is a rediculous answer ... It is so selfish. ... Why do men have the feeling that not having any control over their own urges Is their god given right ???? Seriously men who have this idea their needs and wants are more Important than women’s emotional wellbeing are what keeps women in birkas In the middle east and ps. Both people’s vows say love honor and OBEY.
Really society has allowed this bs to continue every comedy I watch ie American pie shows men as rediculos hoochie chasers unable to have self control over anything to do with sex ???
Try guys to raise urself to a level higher then an animal instinctual level u are men not monkeys !!!
Ps I keep reading girls are hornier than guys actuall a lot of the time when I wS young I would masturbate 10 to 14 times a day if I can stop myself for the sake of his feelings then the bs excuse he has a penis so it’s ok ... Doesn’t fly far with me
written by normal, 03 June, 2012
Men are selfish. Bottom line. Just be a lesbian like me and you will be sooooo much happier smilies/smiley.gif
written by QT, 07 June, 2012
Hey guys, I wanted to come on here and share my story because all of yours have helped me feel better about my problem.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 18 months now, and we’re living together. I knew he watched porn before because I saw his history but once I confronted him he started deleting it. Later I found links to chatroulette, which he claims he wasn’t using for sex but I don’t believe it.
He refuses to discuss the issue with me as he’s clearly somewhat ashamed by it. Last week I walked in on him jerking off when I came home early from work. I was torn because he tried to hide it at first but I totally knew what he had been doing. We had a big fight, but he tried to make me understand that it had nothing to do with me.
My conclusion has kind of been.. there are no guys that will give up masturbation, and if they say they have, they are most likely lying or finding better ways to hide it. My best bet would have been to never say anything and just monitor it if I felt the need, because awareness made me feel better. Now, I know whenever I’m gone, he’s doing it. As much as it kills me, I know its normal and natural and I can’t ask him to stop. It makes me feel bad, and he knows that, but its not fair for me to ask him to stop. Since, i’ve started exploring my own body more and I find that looking at porn myself makes me feel better; like I’m sharing the private experience. Maybe this is a bad substitute, but I honestly feel like if I keep pushing the issue our relationship will break down and it isn’t worth it--I love him, and I’d rather be with him and deal with him jerking off occasionally (god i hope its not more than that..) than break up with him, only to find another guy whose habits I will also worry about. I can’t lie, I am VERY preoccupied with thoughts about it, but I am working on adopting the above mentality; I think its for the best.
GUYS, I would say, just be open with your women. make sure they know it has nothing to do with them. refusing to talk will only make it worse.
written by Todd1989, 16 July, 2012
Women and men are on this site are the reason why I want to stay single sometimes. Falling Skies revenge proves that I really shouldn’t invest anytime in a meaningful relationship with a gal. and The comment made by the gay man proves not to consider being in a relationship with a man. Yes all of you put out and maybe give great effort in it but it’s just going to make you mad then there is no point. Get what’s yours and give what they need.
written by aaah, 08 August, 2012
I have this problem, my boyfriend and I don’t live together but we see eachother everyday and have sex about 8-10 times a week maybe and yet he STILL masturbates to porn. I have a ridiculously high sex drive, I’m always up for it no matter where or what time and I can resist why can’t he? The thought of him getting of to other people makes me feel sick because I know if I were to do it he would be so angry with me, I can’t think of what to do? It’s driving me completely insane.
written by Tazwoman, 15 August, 2012
I think my boyfriend is addicted to masturbating cux when its time for me to have sex with him I cant. Very abnormal.
written by ladyredfox, 24 August, 2012
Interesting forum! my boyfriend has been getting himself off secretly all the time we’ve been together, at first when my confidence was okay i accepted it . .then it became more blatant – I’d wake up with the vibration of the bed .. once when i was downstairs crying in agony with what i thought was a stomach ulcer – he started up – he heard me crying as i was only a few feet down the stairs from him and i could hear everything he was doing which was much quieter....!
i went up and slapped him across the face for his insensitivity .... well 4 months down the line i’ve just found out that the ulcer is not an ulcer – it’s been diagnose as cancer, but one with a good prognosis( if there is such a thing) – i came out of hospital after chemotherapy yesterday to the nice clean bed i’d left to a dirty stained sheet ..and promptly threw him out .. its not what he did ..its the way he did it – and left me to clean it up when i came home that was so disgusting ....i’m open minded and have always been a confident willing partner for him .. we’ve talked things thru a lot but i know that he won’t change so there’s only one solution for me to retain my dignity at the moment... i know he’s had this ‘thing’ going for many years and his former wife just put up with it so it escalated as there were no boundaries.. i realize that at the moment i have to priorities my strength and i can’t take that level of insensitivity any more .... to the ladies who are really upset by the same thing and suffering because of it – seriously .... if you feel so strongly about it do something positive about it – don’t just sit there and complain – to the men who do it – i haven’t got a problem with the act – its the way its done that sometimes hurts women, a little sensitivity and compassion from everyone involved can make a world of difference – if the person hasn’t the compassion or willingness – then do you really want to be with someone like that? i don’t! i’ve NEVER had this issue with any other man I’ve ever dated .. in fact its never even entered my life before now .. but now it has I’ve dealt with it in the best way that’s appropriate for me .... smilies/smiley.gifblessings to all and i hope you find your own ways forward. x
written by Guest12, 01 September, 2012
My boyfriend and I are saving sex for marriage. He is 32 and I am 24. He is the most honest man I have ever met and will tell me everything including when he has wet dreams and when he struggles with masturbation. He only masturbates about once every two months, maybe even more than that. But I don’t care that he masturbates. What I do care about is the fact that he chooses to watch porn or think about other woman when he does it, I think in our whole relationship he has only thought of me sexually once. I want to say that it is because we aren’t sexual and well of course he doesn’t have anything to think about us doing but can’t he use his imagination!!! It makes me feel horrible, like there is something wrong with me, or like I am not good enough to think about. We talked it over and he said he isn’t perfect and he is bound to make mistakes. He said he will try even harder not to do it but even when we get married next year he says that he might make the same mistakes in marriage. I know he only watches porn once every two months but he also only masturbates once every two months...and so every single time he watches porn when he does it. I feel so hurt and I hate it.
written by Sweet&sour22, 10 September, 2012
How anonymous is this?
written by Love !, 11 September, 2012
Hey everybody, I’ve been with my man for 9 months. When I first found out he would touch himself it sort of bothered me but I never lost any sleep over it. After reading all these ladies comments about porn, and what they think of it really made me think. So I asked him if he watched porn and touched himself to that but he said "no I think of the times we do it and get off to that". I TRUST my man to tell me the truth and I don’t want to make him feel bad for doing that. Lol it’s actually kind of funny to me..kind of makes me think he’s some hormonal teenager or something. I do get jealous and insecure sometimes but for some reason this doesn’t bother me, it doesn’t interfere with our sex life whatsoever. So I guess what I’m saying is if you love and claim you trust your man try to let him have his fun. smilies/smiley.gif be strong . P.s I’m also thinking of trying it..seeing as how our relationship is long distance for the next couple months.
written by paranoidandroid, 25 October, 2012
About a year ago me and my boyfriend of 2 years were staying in a hotel room for the weekend... We had sex the night before and the next morning I wanted to have sex again and instead he got out of bed right away, went to take a shower and I heard him masturbating in the shower. It was very awkward for me to confront him about it, but I was mad and also hurt. I also feel like every time I am away from him he may be watching porn and masturbating. I don’t want it to bother me, I also masturbate but very rarely, and I don’t look at other guys to get off, I think about him.

Last night we were both out with our friends and he got home an hour before me... All I could think about was that he was masturbating and when I got home he was passed out and not interested in sex at all.... the history on the computer was also erased... I asked him about it and he denies it... I really just want him to tell me the truth... but he acts like I’m a weirdo for even asking him, but it is somewhat hurtful to think that he was looking at some other girl on the computer getting off and when I got home he wanted nothing from me....

I don’t know how to let him know that it really bothers me. I don’t want to cause a problem in our relationship and I don’t want him to try and hide it even more.... but I can’t stop thinking about it.... I always think that is what he’s doing now... every time he takes a shower or goes into the bathroom or is home alone I think that is what he is doing, and I cannot stop obsessing over it. I would have sex with him anytime he wants to so that he doesn’t have to masturbate.
written by crazygirl1231, 08 November, 2012
Wow! I am so glad that I stumbled on to this because I also thought I was the only one who felt this way! I’ve been with my boyfriend for 1 year and 10 months, and have been living with him for most of that time.

When we first started dating (before I moved in), I noticed a porn video on his dresser in his room. I told him that I wanted to be honest and up front with him, and I let him know that porn was just something that I wasn’t alright with. He said that that it was no biggie, he wouldn’t watch it, and he broke the video right then.

Well shortly after I moved in I went out of town one weekend. Unfortunately, the whole weekend I was away we did nothing but fight on the phone. He would get angry with me for absolutely no reason. Well, the day I got back I found a porno in his DVD player. I’m not gonna lie, I was furious. We had a big fight, but I let him know how much it hurt me and forgave him, and he promised me that he would never do it again.

Then, I got off work one day and he wasn’t home like he said he was. I had a gut feeling something was up. I drove down the road and saw his truck at his aunt’s house. I walked in and saw him at her computer. Just as my gut had been telling me, he was looking up porn. This time I was devastated. But we worked through it (my trust was out the window, though). He swore to me that he would NEVER do it again.

After that we had several discussions on porn and he would always tell me that I was overreacting or I was the only girl who felt that way or I was ridiculous and that it shouldn’t bother me because he wasn’t cheating. He would get furious when I tried to tell him how I felt about it.

Well I felt very insecure at this point, and was trying to do anything I could to make sure that he didn’t feel the need to watch porn. We made some videos for him to have on his phone. I sent him pictures. But he never wanted to have sex anymore (and I did a lot!).

On his birthday I came home early to surprise him with his present. Well I caught him again. I was ready to leave him, and honestly would have if it hadn’t been his birthday. But he promised once again that he would NEVER do it again. Then I found out he had been doing it for weeks prior to that. I would fall asleep on the couch and he would make me go to bed even though I didn’t want to. He kissed me goodnight, and he got on the computer to look up porn as soon as I was in bed. That one hurt me the most.

That was the last time I caught him red handed and it’s been almost 11 months, but I still get those gut feelings and catch him in little white lies like "i didn’t answer your call earlier because i dropped my phone and it wasn’t working, but now it miraculously works again." I think he’s just gotten a little more clever when it comes to hiding it.

My big issue is I just don’t trust him anymore. He’s lied to my face countless times about it and other things. I don’t think he would cheat, but a liar is a liar. And I can’t even talk to him about it without him blowing up and telling me I’m ridiculous and the only girl who feels that way and won’t even listen to my views on it. He just gets pissed and tells me "just not to talk about it before I start a fight."

I’m just relieved to know I’m not "the only girl" who feels this way about it! The whole "it’s a guy thing" excuse is a load of crap. It is something that you can choose not to do, and should choose not to if you tell your partner that you won’t because you know it hurts them. If he could have told me at the beginning that he was going to keep watching it, I would have left then, when I wasn’t in so deep. That would have prevented this huge mess which has ultimately left me with no trust for my boyfriend.

Wake up guys and quit being so inconsiderate. We’re not just making this sh*t up to watch yall suffer. We women want sex! And we want it with our man! Quit turning us down for the fake whores on your screen. That’s all we’re asking.
written by Alicia Marie, 13 November, 2012
I seriously cannot believe some of the posts I am reading on here! Every guy I’ve ever dated (including my current boyfriend) has always gushed about how "cool" I am & how easy going I am & what a great girl I am because I don’t nag & bust their balls. And I always thought, "Am I really that cool?" But reading these posts from women on here, I can see that I totally am! MASTURBATION IS PERFECTLY NORMAL! Yes, a guy will jerk off even when he has a girlfriend/wife. It’s normal, it’s healthy, it’s fine. Looking at porn on occasion is perfectly normal too! It is not an addiction unless it’s an actual addiction! I can’t believe you women make your men promise not to look at porn & then you are shocked when they "betray" you, LOL. Men LOVE porn! A lot of women like it too! It’s ok! You have no right to tell you man where & when he can masturbate. And if you want to make unreasonably requests of him, he’s going to leave you. Or cheat on you. Do you honestly think your man is never going to look at or fantasize about another woman again because he has you?!?! Fantasizing is normal & healthy. I just can’t even believe these posts... I’m so glad I’m one of the cool chicks out there! lol
written by Some guy, 25 November, 2012
After reading all these posts it amazes me that any of the guys would still be with most of the women here. It seems it is less about "cheating" than wanting to control their partner to make themselves feel ok about their own insecurities.

Those insecurities and attempts to control me would make me run. I masturbate. My wife knows it and actually likes to watch. At first it hurt her self-esteem thinking I didn’t want her. But as she dealt with her own self-esteem problems and started to actually try masturbating herself it is now more of a turn on than a turn off.

Why be with someone that you want to change? I accepted my wife’s hangups but I told her I am the same person you married don’t try to change me, I will change for myself, you can either get used to or you can be the one to change. Respect is a two way street. Guilting a partner to change for most reasons is wrong. If this was a blog on men upset that women don’t like having sex as often as they do and they felt disrespected or tried to make them have more sex how much uproar would there be calling those guys selfish pigs? Sorry same thing here.

And thinking of hypocrisy how many of these posters read trashy romantic books to "get into the mood"? But would bash their partners for porn?

Now guys that can’t stand their women wanting to watch porn or read those trash books are they themselves being hypocrites too. I want my wife to masturbate and enjoy herself, even if it was beefy guys she wanted to look while flicking the bean I would even buy it for her. If a guy is masturbating too much that he isn’t able to be intimate with his part on a regular basis that is a problem. Him rubbing one out while she is gone or asleep can be him simply wanting to get it done quickly or could be him wanting to regain some control over his own actions and body if his partner is very controlling.
written by Advice, 17 January, 2013
My husband has agreed not to masturbate because it affects our sex life. I have a very high libido, and if he masturbates sometimes he isn’t in the mood or has a hard time ejaculating. If it were up to me I would have sex at least twice a day, but because my husband has a lower libido we have sex once a day. He has agreed not to masturbate so he can save his sexual energy for me, and pleasure me to his full capacity. Men do not need to masturbate if their partner satisfies their needs, or at least that’s what my husband tells me. He said he used masturbate out of habit. Since we have sex basically whenever he wants to he tells me he doesn’t feel the urge. I trust him, and I can tell if he masturbates earlier in the day, because our sex won’t be as passionate. Women don’t let your man try to tell you he has to masturbate even if you have sex daily.... Not true... Just like any addict they don’t want to break their habit!! However, if you ask them not to masturbate you better bring your A game to the bedroom so you satisfy their needs.
written by Feel ugly, 04 February, 2013
I have been married to my husband for 13yrs and together 23yrs. We used to watch porn together and have sex often. Everything changed 5yrs ago in our relationship when I caught him on adult dating sites trolling for sex and found his porn use was constant. Through that time he never seemed to want sex and if we did he would wake me up and just slam me in the dark!!

I have caught him talking to girls on the internet that are our daughters age (19yrs) and trying to webc over msn with another young girl (18ish)!! Telling them he was 28 when he was 40, telling them sexual things he would like to do to them!! It hurts more that I have never looked so good and yet he calls me ugly!! REALLY WANKER IF I AM THAT UGLY WHY HAVE TWO NEIGHBORS, YOUR BROTHER, YOUR FRIENDS AND RANDOM MEN TRIED IT ON WITH ME?? I don’t need to troll the internet to feed my ego!!

Sorry that was a rant. I asked him if we could have sex tonight and he said I thought you were not well!? Wtf? Came to bed and he has a shower and goes to sleep!!

I have given this man 4 kids and 23yrs of my life and it’s too much to make me feel wanted and desired??!! I am so mad an frustrated by his insensitive actions. I have done the vibrator thing and he got shitty and broke it!! Said he was being an idiot and got me two more..I have a favourite and went to use it 2 days’s broken..just slightly but completely useless! Mr selfish strikes again! Am I supposed to go and cheat? Wtf does he want from me??

I have a gut feeling he is cheating or has cheated (either porn or in reality)..


written by devistated timing, 06 February, 2013
I would like to say that when in a relationship if you feel the need to touch your self let your partner know and they should take care of it for you. I feel if you are in a relationship you should refrain from touching your self because it can make your partner feel like less of a person or less attractive that you would go to that extreme instead of letting them know you are that horny. I personally have been living with my fiance for 3 years and he just admitted he masturbates sometimes after I go to sleep, at first I laughed then I noticed that it actually hurt deep down and made me feel degraded and belittled. Please men if you decide to choose your hand over your wife talk about it first you don’t know the effects it has on your partner.

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