My boyfriend is married
Okay, so my boyfriend and I met two years ago and it was love at first sight.
When I first met him I asked him if he was married and he said, “no.”
We continued our relationship on and 4 months later he finally told me he was married and I was heartbroken. He told me to wait by his side until after his divorce.
So we still continued on for a year and still no divorce and we are in love. He was planning on leaving her but was trying to do it in a way were she couldnhave half of everything.
I got tired of it and told her, ooops... So they broke up until she forgave him.
Then a year and half later he reappears calling me telling me he’s still in his situation but wants me in his life again. I take care of him he takes care of me.
I promised no feelings this time but that didnhappen we went from 0 to 100 that day. He really truly didnwant her it was just money he told me. So we were deeply in love and he was with me during the day and had to go home to his wife at night. This went on again for 6 months...
He upset me and I told her everything once again detail by detail. So again we were over and he was heartbroken I deceived him.
His wife called me and she didnseem like she cared at all about him or the situation. I miss him and love him so much.
I donunderstand her or the situation. I just want him completely to myself. They donhave kids or anything just married 4 years.
Should I move on???
Will he come back???
I’m hurt because it wasnat all my fault.
Response:
Love doesn’t happen at first sight. That is infatuation, which fades in normal circumstances. However, because you can’t be with him full time, your stuck in the infatuation phase. If you were with him fulltime, your feelings would change. This is how relationships work. After the rush of new, romantic love, people become more rational and less delusional.
As a general rule, never listen to what people say; it is a poor predictor of their behavior. He hasn’t left his wife and that should tell you everything you need to know.
Some people like the thrill of having a relationship on the side. It is fun and exciting for them (see who will cheat). If he were to leave his wife and date you, odds are good that he would seek out the comfort of another woman. People are fairly predictable that way. Some people always want what they can’t have. Once they have it, they don’t want it. Look at his behavior. What you see is what you are going to get.
So, the question comes down to this: Why do you let someone treat you like this?
He has lied to you, he hasn’t kept his promises to you, and he is cheating on his wife. You want to be with someone who treats other people like this? Given his behavior, he will never add value to your life. He will add heartache and misery.
Our best advice is to talk to a therapist. The real issue here is why you would let someone treat you like this. Odds are good that there is some underlying attachment issue at play (see anxious attachment). If this is the case, you are likely to go through life dating people who will treat you poorly. If you can address this issue in counseling, things should become clear to you fairly quickly.
anxious attachment | lying boyfriend | troubled relationship
Other Options:
I have my own question to ask
Truth About Deception – back to our home page.
- Got caught lying to my husband and he doesn’t trust me
- I lied to my boyfriend because of his jealousy
