I caught my boyfriend lying about loving someone else

I have been "dating" a guy I met on the internet for several months.

We live in different states and have only been together once, but maintain our relationship by email and phone, talking many times daily.

When I was visiting him, he gave me his password (I think he had been drinking and doesn’t remember doing so).

I have had a "gut" feeling that something was not right. I have had these feelings in other relationships, and not listened to them.

I NEVER EVER thought of accessing his email, but last night, it just dawned on me, why not? He gave me his password, for God’s sake.

What I found was RECENT emails back and forth from his previous girlfriend. He told her she was the only woman he had ever loved, and that never a day passed that he didn’t think of her, and so on and on.

He has proposed marriage to me, and now I don’t trust him. I confronted him with the "email" knowledge, and he blames it on his sister supposedly making these all up and sending them to me because she doesn’t want him to move away, where she will be left to care for their elderly father. He is so dumb that he doesn’t know that I access his account.

I told him it doesn’t matter WHERE the emails came from, what matters is the CONTENT... his professing of love for the other woman.

What should I think/do?

He denies that he wrote any of it.

Response:

Unfortunately, your situation illustrates what often happens when people confront a partner about his or her involvement with someone else. Cheating spouses or partners lie about what’s going on (see cheater’s paradox).

But, by not putting all of your cards on the table, you actually did the right thing (see tips for catching a cheating spouse). Had you confronted him with all of the evidence and how it had been obtained, he probably would have come up with a different story to cover his tracks—leaving you even more confused about what’s true or not (see husband won’t confess).

As painful as it is to acknowledge, at least you know for certain that your boyfriend has been expressing his love for someone else and that he is lying to you about it. What you do with this information is entirely up to you. But, many suspicious partners never find out what is really going on.

How to respond?

You could now confront your boyfriend with everything that you know and try to work at saving your relationship (see recovering from infidelity). Or you could try to take some comfort from the fact that you made this discovery early on and simply try to move on.

Either way, we wish you the best of luck.

 denies infidelity | emails | his ex-girlfriend

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