Think my husband is cheating on me after 30 years of marriage

I’ve been married over 30 years. Last year, I heard my husband make a statement while on the cell phone that caught my attention. I found that he was frequently calling and texting this number of an ex-girl friend. Of course he said it was a stupid mistake but nothing more than talk. Recently, he made two texts to that number and denies it all together as wrong number. After 30 years of marriage, I know him so well that I can tell when something is wrong or bothering him. I also believe it is more than talk but don’t have any evidence or proof. He responds to all of this with he loves me. I don’t know if that is enough after I have given him my best years and I am now older. We have a good family life and accomplished careers and are near retirement. Our children are grown and on their own. We are ready for the next journey of life with good health and resources.

I am depressed on my options to stay and not be happy feeling there is another women in our mist or leaving and starting a new life. I feel no win for me.

Suggestions?

Response:

There are multiple ways of looking at this.

Your husband might be cheating on you. But, you have a great life – good health, a happy family, and a husband who loves you. Some people would be thrilled to be in your position. Relationships are complicated and sometimes people stray. If you look at the big picture and you are satisfied with what you have, then not enjoy the life you have worked so hard to build? No one has a picture perfect life. Some people are very good at pushing aside their doubts and suspicions and enjoying the positive aspects of their relationships.

If that doesn’t work for you, you can take a different approach. You could invest the time and resources to uncover the truth. If you want to know exactly what your husband has been doing, you could hire a private investigator (see catch a cheating spouse). You might find out that your husband has been faithful. But, you also run the risk of learning something do not want to know. If you take this path, at least you can make your decisions based on actual knowledge rather than speculation. Before you go down this path it is important to consider what you are going to do with the knowledge you obtain. Would you be willing to work things out with your husband? Would he be willing to work things out with you? The decision to investigate a spouse can be life altering. It helps to think several steps ahead rather than having no plan in place.

There is also one other way of looking at this dilemma. Many people get divorced after 30 years of marriage. The phenomenon is called “late life” or “gray” divorce. It happens for a lot of reasons (see WSJ article on gray divorce). If you do pursue this option, you won’t be alone. There will be lot of people to meet and possibilities to explore.

 cheating husband | end of relationship | suspect cheating

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