Past Comments – My girlfriend flirts too much

written by Alec, 29 August, 2009

In my opinion, no one should have to put up with their lover flirting with anyone else. If they really love you, they will try to make you comfortable and tame themselves. She doesn’t sound like a keeper to me.

written by What?!!!, 18 September, 2009

Whoever wrote this article should be fired. So are we to accept that our partner is continuously flirting with another person?! Are you insane? How is that going to help them progress into healthy relationship? The whole point of breaking up is to move on, not keep them in your lives consistently especially while in a new relationship.

written by YGBSM!, 24 October, 2009

The response attempts to justify the woman’s provocative behavior. Either the author is an incurable flirt as well, or has not been involved with someone who is. One point is worth repeating, though. If the woman acknowledges her behavior and refuses to see it as inappropriate, your choice is to learn to accept it or remain separated. Learning to accept it is possible if you can build confidence that she hasn’t/won’t follow through and have intimate encounters. Her continued sexual banter with her ex leads me to doubt that she has that level of self-restraint, however. Good Luck.

written by Forever, 04 November, 2009

I agree this article is total rubbish.
Flirting is childish and shows that that person is in fact insecure.
If you do get back thou, you are just as insecure as your partner.

written by dbs, 04 November, 2009

She wasn’t trying to prove the girls behavior is right or wrong. She was just pointing out that that’s who the girlfriend is and she probably isn’t going to change. So if the boyfriend really likes her, he’s going to have to accept the way she is and not take it as a threat towards their relationship.

written by whisp, 04 November, 2009

I have to agree, the author of this response is giving some bad advice. There are very few outrageous flirts out there that don’t eventually cheat (a car salesman? how cheesy!). Flirting is expressing a sexual interest and therefore indicating sexual availability. It becomes a slippery slope and, even if the person flirting doesn’t intend to cross any boundaries, eventually they will. The onus shouldn’t be just on you to change your "anxious" behavior. It takes two!

written by Sidman Fraud, 13 November, 2009

To give the author some credit, jealousy can be an extremely complex issue and have many mitigating factors. To write an all-encompassing article on the subject would be an impossible task. While the jealous partner generally exhibits self-image issues, the partner with an unwavering position of continued flirtatious behavior is genuinely suspect to infidelity.Ultimately, and to speak in extremes, it would be advisable for the OP to either end the relationship or continue and possibly sink in self-image to that of a cuckold doormat.

written by EZ, 26 May, 2010

These comments much more helpful than the article. Let’s hear it for the audience!

written by Hugh M, 02 June, 2010

Having dated a flirtatious girlfriend in the past i found this article very one sided and very unhelpful. A loving relationship is about making your partner feel trusted, secure and special above all others. Now, we all have our flirtatious moments but excessive and constant flirting is a slow cancer to any relationship and breeds quiet distrust and frustration. If you need to speak out about it then your partner is no longer in tune with your feelings. flirtatious partners are often selfish and their actions and this lead to complacency with their lovers suddenly leaving because the straw has broken the camels back. I always played it cool when my ex was being flirtatious with other guys and this lead me to always have one eye on the exit door, as i never felt confident in really loving her with all my heart. Sadly, we are now history and although jealousy is seldom nice, we do have to ask ourselves about the reasons for our jealousy. If its because of constant flirting, then sadly its either a swift exit to find true happiness or suffer in silence.

written by In-search, 06 June, 2010

While I find the response hard to agree with, I can somewhat reason with it. The author of the response has spoken like a true counselor. The focus was NOT on the flirtatious girlfriend but on the suspecting boyfriend. Irrespective of the appropriateness (or lack thereof) of the girlfriend’s behavior, there is an underlying reason he feels the way he does; and that underlying feeling is what is being addressed by the response. Notwithstanding, I don’t agree with the argument that the girlfriend may have developed a sexually-charged style of communication with her ex which may not signify any intentions. Relationships are based on respect (amongst other things). This same site (see Likely To Cheat) acknowledges that infidelity is usually not intentional but "situationally" driven. Maintaining this so-called sexually-charged style of communication with an ex (or anyone for that matter) indicates that the girlfriend has no qualms about placing herself in a compromising situation. c’mon, 5 dates with a car salesman is just simply ridiculous. That is not extroversion, that is disrespectful. If Relational Problems is one of the factors that lead to infidelity, with such a flirtatious, go-out-on-5-dates-to-save-a-deal mentality, who is to say what will happen when such problems arise. I will wrap up by saying relationships are about "giving and taking". It won’t be long before you realize that equality is lacking if it indeed is. Learn to accept people for who they are but you are by no means obligated to agree with a certain way of life.

written by Typical response, 12 July, 2010

It never ceases to amaze me as to how people (including this writer) address this issue. This writer is obviously a one sided dummy who thinks that this behavior is okay. No person (man or woman) in a current relationship should have to be reminded of a previous relationship and all that it was or had been. Whether the sex was great, the communication was great or whatever. If it was so great, then why in the hell did they break up. Please. This is a major form of baggage. People need to get over past relationships and remove themselves from them in order to prosper and move on to another one. Living in the past and not letting go are part of the 7 deadly’s. You get out of one relationship for a reason. If you cannot sever ties with your past, then do the next person a big favor and don’t start dating and establishing a relationship with them. It’s not fair and is completely selfish and disrespectful to the next person.

written by CJB, 30 December, 2010

I just got out of a relationship with a woman just like this. I really got to see her behavior because I worked with her. She would initiate the flirting and blame me for being jealous and insecure. This woman was very selfish as well. As long as her feelings weren’t being effected, she didn’t care. She always had to be the center of attention no matter what. This was a MAJOR turnoff and slowly pushed me away. Now I see her at work and don’t even speak to her. Flirting shows signs of disrespect towards a partner. Respect and trust make relationships work.

written by..., 10 March, 2011

my girl friend is doing this right now. she flirts with the 5 guys that want to get with her. and it drives me crazy. i am an emotional wreck. when i tried to talk to her about it, she basically said eff you. she said that, that is who she is, and shes not gonna change her self for me. she claims her and these guys are just friends. but they constantly grab her, hug her, and yeah, they flirt with her a lot. im always grumpy and sad now. i love her, but is it really worth it if im always miserable because of her. i even used to be decently good friends with a few of these guys, but this past month, they dont even look me in the eye.

written by Getting divorced over it, 27 May, 2011

It is disrespectful and inconsiderate of your partner you have no class, low life mentality. I don’t care how great looking you are. No one should ever be that disrespectful to someone they claim to love. Being faithful goes much deeper than just keeping your pants on. I’m with all who find flirting wrong, dump em they will cheat its obvious by their behavior.

written by blakbelt, 30 July, 2011

Whoever has written that response is mad and insane. That person seems to be biggest the flirt. You’ll surely hurt your partner by flirting with others. Girls only want attention. Some are insane. Love is directly proportional to respect for each other. Fire those gals who even flirt just for the time to pass or by their birth nature.

written by Muddyruts, 19 September, 2011

The author’s advice is off the mark. There is a matter of respect and honor in a relationship. Flirting and sharing "patterns" of intimacy with former lovers is totally inappropriate. This flirtatious woman is accountable for her actions and needs to focus building, not undermining her new relationship. She is not sensitive to his concerns, so my advice would be to dump her before she drives you crazy with her actions.

I agree with one thing. If she is "that way" and says she won’t change (inconsiderate), then you will have little hope to change her. You have to decide: learn to cope and trust, or leave. Personally, I would leave.

written by nicenthic, 15 October, 2011

I would love to blank the hell out of a girl who lets other guys, gay or not, lick shots off her chest. But date her? Not in a million years.

Guys, we have been born with the innate ability to keep sex separate from our emotions. Most girls do not have this ability. Once you have sex with a girl, she starts heavily investing herself in you. But it’s up to you to keep your emotions well guarded when dealing with sluts. For most semi-intelligent blokes who’ve had at least some action in his life, this is quite easy to do. But it’s not so easy for a young guy with his first few lays. This is when he might put his heart and soul into a bad apple (read: slut). He will get burned and then learn from it.

The real morons are the guys who don’t learn and invest themselves again in a another slut and possibly marry her. Then they lose a lot more than their hurt feelings – they could be stuck with alimony, child support and even a lost house. Now that’s a lesson they wont forget!

Learn some game theory and see how your mindset changes completely. You will be in power and every girl will just be another social experiment and possibly another conquest when you get good at it. You will understand women better than you can possibly imagine and use this new-found power to your benefit socially and in your personal life.

written by Blue1980, 15 December, 2011

I feel u buddy that same happen to me with my gf u not crazy she the one didnt appreciate ur love just will keep hurting u.
God it do pain to feel that and its so hard to walk away cause love it shit make u dump didnt think.
My heart still broken cause after a year still
Love her and cant forget her.
Dam

written by..., 16 May, 2012

My girlfriend constantly flirts with other guys, friends or that new "cute guy" that just walked up and started talking to her. She leaves out the parts where they try to kiss her. She insists that they’re just her friends, that’s all, and she loves me, and they mean nothing to her. I call bull. There’s several times where she’s put her guy friends in front of me, or mentioned in a dream where she couldn’t decide to let me live or her guyfriends live. So in the dream, she let us all die. So now, after several months, and several agurements, she hasn’t changed a bit. She still flirts with friends and random guys, she still gets the attention of every guy in the room and talks and flirts with them, touching them, she still keeps all her ex’s stuff because she likes what the stuff is, and she still wears other guys clothing. She also takes, and never gives. I told her it hurts when she does this to me. That only lasted a week, because she kept right on doing it. She passes notes to other guys, texts other guys, wants to hang out with her ex boyfriend when I’m at practice, she has a terrible history of achohol and sexual activities... I don’t know why I got into this relationship with her, maybe it was the hope she’d change for the better for me. Then again, she insists she’ll never change, not for me, not for anybody. I think the author has some major biased issues. You don’t flirt with other guys because that’s who you are! That’s what you’re doing! Not who you are! You respect the person you’re with to not do that sort of crap! I’m sick of it! She constantly hits me if I do something wrong, constantly points out my mistakes and calls me an idiot... Screw this, I could write a freaking novel about all this bull.

written by wired!up, 07 June, 2012

where that response came from?
i want to pull the trigger on his small head.

written by fuz, 06 August, 2012

Jealousy is due to insecurity. Insecurities are lethal to relationships when there is a lack of trust.

I think the author is spot on with the assessment. You should either love the person you are with for who they are, or move on and find someone who better fits your needs. Nobody should ever expect to change someone else, and that is what was expected here.

I’m amazed at how many downvotes the realists are getting in this thread of comments. Life is what you make of it, and making a big deal about harmless flirting will make your life a living hell (news flash... all women flirt and usually do so because they require validation.)

written by sadlonelymanwithfireinhishand, 28 September, 2012

Always the back end of this pantomime horse.

it’s tricky this. I’ve experienced something very similar. however hurt i felt by my ex gf’s flirting i felt somehow that for her to ‘prove’ her love for me she would have to change her ways.

Now.. I’d like to point out that I myself am an extremely flirtatious man and get a lot of attention off women. i slowly began to realize that the reason i was hurt was NOT because i felt she didn’t love me.. i came to realize that i was jealous of the amount of attention she got.. and the only thing that was really hurt was my foolish pride.

What i did was i broke up with her because i couldn’t deal with any of the above.. it has been the most painful and torturous break up of my life.. very messy.. involving a string of other men and women that we have both hurt trying to get back at each other.

What i think this showed was how we both felt vulnerable due to our closeness and our inability to be honest with each other about the way we felt.

As much as it hurts everyday knowing that she is with someone else i take some solace in the fact that we are drifting apart and no longer have ‘power’ over each other. This is the real killer..

The relationship now ended has left her feeling very insecure about herself and she slept with a few of my close friends to get back at me. I have been very lonely now for a couple of years and it’s been a tough time. I’m going on a holiday soon.. an adventure to try to recapture some of my wasted youth and sense of wonderlust.. I refuse to become old before my time and will not let this failed relationship destroy all hope of something beautiful.

I try not to look back over the past few years.. it’s filled with regret. Two very unhappy and lost people have been catapulted from one very destructive relationship. Both of us dealing with jealousy and a lack of trust in different ways – to the same unfortunate end..

A lot of people here have been trying to be pragmatic about the situation.. but that is an alien concept to someone in the throes of a passionate and destructive force. A lot of people here are lost in the bitterness caused by repeated rejection and hurt pride.

No matter what anyone says to you.. it was your heart that was on the line and you will live and learn from this.. and perhaps next time around spot the warning signs and talk about these things openly. It’s hard to be with someone without putting expectations upon them or placing them in a box where they can’t move or on a pedestal that they can’t live up to.

we’re human, imperfect and passionate.. moving on is difficult after this kind of thing but you will find some strength and possibly rediscover the joys found in all aspects of life..

keep on going. don’t stop. don’t look back.

you might say it didn’t work out.. but from the sounds of it you’ve both worked out a lot of things about yourselves and what you want/need.

written by dumpherass, 09 October, 2012

Walk away. The fact that she is a single mother is already a deal breaker.

She is using flirting and breakups to manipulate you, and then accusing you of being psycho.

She sounds like a real dirtbag.

The author who responded to this question is an idiot.

written by goofball, 18 October, 2012

If a man or women has to flirt for validation or self worth and it affects your supposedly significant other, then don’t do it! We all choose!!! stop making excuses for disrespect or the lack of!!

written by Get rid of bad news!, 05 December, 2012

I have just broken up with a ‘flirty’ girl this year. Her behaviour was simply disrespectful. Flirting with other men in front of your man only serves to show her power. The girl is thriving of the attention of other men for validation, she is insecure. Because she is insecure, she wants you to feel insecure too. It’s like a bully or emotionally abusive person calling you names. They usually feel bad about themselves and need to put others down to feel better. Flirting is exactly the same. It’s a form of self gratification. It is unfair to the person she is flirting with or dick teasing as well as her partner. If you are in a relationship with someone you love, then show that person your love. Why waste it on others who don’t matter. Eventually I walked away from my ex with her text messages from other guys asking for sex and so on. Now every time I see her she is with another guy or a group of guys. She is so insecure it’s a joke. Watching all these guys serve her needs is like watching chicks being fed by a regurgitating bird. She is puking in their mouths and they don’t know it! Those guys are as sad as I was for letting myself date a girl for so long who had little or no respect for my feelings. Now when she calls me to tell me she is sorry, I point out that she is free to go out with any of the guys she gave her number to. Just the other day she broke down and wanted us to be friends and apologized. At first I broke and gave in to her tears, then after some days trying to be friendly to her I realized I had been mind-f@cked again and reverted back to common sense ways. I pointed out that she needed to own up to her sexting, flirting, secret dates, even yoga with guys from bars, drinking on her own with men till 8am, all sorts of crap. This is not acceptable behaviour, it is a form of abuse and control and can wear people down into depression and low self esteem. Today I walked out of a coffee shop and saw her PDAing with some new guy, he looked hooked, they had obviously know each other for some time. I wonder if he knew she’d been trying to patch thing up with me? Or how he’d feel about that if he knew. So before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, make sure that you are not actually surrounded by assholes....cos that’s what a flirty girl is. An immature, insecure, abusive and manipulative narcissist. If something makes you feel bad, don’t do it, get rid.

written by Get rid of bad news!, 05 December, 2012

I have just broken up with a ‘flirty’ girl this year. Her behavior was disrespectful. Flirting with other men in front of your man only serves to show power. The girl is thriving of the attention of other men for validation, she is insecure. Because she is insecure, she wants you to feel insecure too. It’s like a bully or emotionally abusive person calling you names. They usually feel bad about themselves and need to put others down to feel better. Flirting is exactly the same. It’s a form of self gratification. It is unfair to the person she is flirting with or dick teasing as well as her partner. If you are in a relationship with someone you love, then show that person your love. Why waste it on others who don’t matter. Eventually I walked away from my ex with her text messages from other guys asking for sex and so on. Now every time I see her she is with another guy or a group of guys. She is so insecure it’s a joke. Watching all these guys serve her needs is like watching chicks being fed by a regurgitating bird. She is puking in their mouths and they don’t know it! Those guys are as sad as I was for letting myself date a girl for so long who had little or no respect for my feelings. Now when she calls me to tell me she is sorry, I point out that she is free to go out with any of the guys she gave her number to. Just the other day she broke down and wanted us to be friends and apologized. At first I broke and gave in to her tears, then after some days trying to be friendly to her I realized I had been mind-f@cked again and reverted back to common sense ways. I pointed out that she needed to own up to her sexting, flirting, secret dates, even yoga with guys from bars, drinking on her own with men till 8am, all sorts of crap. This is not acceptable behavior, it is a form of abuse and control and can wear people down into depression and low self esteem. Today I walked out of a coffee shop and saw her PDAing with some new guy, he looked hooked. I wonder if he knew she’d been trying to patch thing up with me? Or how he’d feel about that if he knew. So before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, make sure that you are not surrounded by assholes....cos that’s what a flirty girl is. Immature, insecure, abusive, controlling narcissist! Get rid!

written by Lipstickjunk, 06 January, 2013

I think it’s most of the time just because a person is too jealous.
My girl, now my fiance is always kind of too friendly to guys, but she’s a lesbian so I shouldn’t be jealous..
But the way she talks is too flirty, she’s with me and we’re engaged but people can always think wrong, especially guys when they don’t know if she’s a lesbian or bisexual.
She’s really pretty, in my eyes, of course I have people who like me too but I never see it so much because I’m really really insecure. I never look at people like that, and because she’s more "outcoming" with her smile and talking very open about everything she’s always the one who’s getting attention.
I’m just sitting there being beautiful with no idea what they’re saying because I’m dutch and she’s english and we live in England so actually she can understand everyone with a strange accent, but I can’t, so normal conversations are not made for me at the moment, and of course I understand that she wants to talk happy to people, but the way she moves her face and how she smiles and looks at people, I don’t like it.

But I can be angry about it, but I just sit here being upset thinking that I’m not good enough.. Explains that I’m insecure..

written by guy, 03 March, 2013

just find the strength to walk away pal!! Otherwise get ready to be constantly in depression until she lets u for the next poor guy... These girls are great to flirt with but the worse to have as your girlfriend...! She will make u feel a total jerk if u stay her bf.... Good Luck, u ll need it!!