Past Comments – My jealousy is pushing my husband away

very jealous
written by Guest, 08 May, 2006

I can’t stand that he talks to other women, or say "hi" to his co-workers. I made a scene yesterday and it really upset him. He told me if I keep it up he will move out. What do I do??

Jealous
written by brendasc, 03 January, 2007

I am very jealous also. Before finding this site I was blaming him for my feelings. But after reading some of this stuff I realize that I am my biggest problem. So you can bet that I am going to try to change my way of handling things. I just hope that I didn’t find this site too late because I really love my guy, but I think he is starting to hate me.

Jealously has reversed in my marriage
written by HELP ME PLEASE, 16 January, 2007

I have been with my wife for 12yrs 9mos. married for 8 years and have two children. Our oldest son 13 and the youngest is 6. For our entire relationship (up until 6mo ago) my wife has been extremely jealous of any co-workers or any females I have talked to, even her long time friends. She always said it was because when we first met I was married (I had already filed for divorce from 1st-no kids). For 12 yrs she would go through my wallet and car daily, constantly interrogate me and always checked my cell phone records. Additionally she would open all my mail before me and run to answer the phone first. 6mos ago I had enough, and went out with another woman that i had recently met and we talked about having sex but did not follow through. My wife found out and since then has been going out with her new single male (straight) and female (bi-sexual) party friends. She had initially lied to me about meeting with them while I was working, but I showed up and found them all partying together. Since then she has been leaving without me often to hang out with them. I recently insisted on coming with her to see for myself. I had fun partying but I felt uncomfortable with some of the activities going on. I since have become insanely jealous of her insistence to continue hanging out with the new crowd, especially during the day when I’m working. I never felt this way before and I always trusted her until she started to lie about this. I have tried to talk to her but she insists nothing is wrong, and I want to believe her but I can’t. I have asked her if she wants to work this out but she won’t give me a straight answer. Today she has told me she is going over there to help a friend. I am going out of my mind. I do however feel better reading on this site. It has helped me understand how things work between couples and provided me something else to think about.

written by jealous isn’t even the right word..., 09 May, 2007

i am so insanely jealous that it is completely ruining my relationship with the kindest, sensitive most loving man i have ever been with in my life. i am constantly snooping, calling to check on him and i yell at him when he even talks to a girl friend of his. i hate myself for being this way because i know i am jealous over NOTHING. get this, i am so jealous that i have convinced myself that he will turn on me and have since cheated on him to have the "upper hand" for when it does happen. i make myself sick and i don’t deserve him.

written by CORINNE123, 27 May, 2008

My jealousy is ruining my relationship. I have been with my boyfriend over a year now and I do partly blame him for my problem as last year he broke up with me and I’m pretty sure something was going on with a girl he knew. Anyway though we got back together and things were great for a while, but the last couple of months I’ve gone mental. I’m jealous of any time he spends with anyone else, and if it’s a woman well god help him! I love him so much but I know it’s an unhealthy love and I don’t know how much longer he’s going to put up with me. He doesn’t help matters by doing things like going out and bringing a random french girl back to a party afterwards. He claims it’s completely innocent and he’s just being friendly, which to be honest he probably is, and I know this, but I can’t help myself from going mad and wondering what would have gone on if I hadn’t been at the party too. I try and bite my tongue, I know what I say is ruining us but at the same time I refuse to be a walkover and sometimes I do think he should think before he does things coz he knows what I’m like and how it makes me feel. but then I see his point of view of why should he stop doing things that are completely innocent just because I have an irrational fear of it all. I can’t cope with feeling like this for much longer, I just don’t know what to do.

written by PeachesDay, 11 July, 2008

I’m glad I’m not the only one who is like this I really thought I was going crazy.My husband is in jail and has been for almost two years now, I have not cheated on him Ever, today I spoke to him on the phone and lied and told him that before he went to jail I use to flirt, I went on a dates and all kind of other things but it wasn’t true I said it to hurt him.He cheated on me but claims he didn’t have sex with her, I saw it like this maybe he should know how it feels. Then before that he used to call his ex no matter how much we would fight he’ll make me promises and still go right back an call her I believe that he was sleeping with her. Till this day I hate her I used to wish her dead cause I was so jealous of her and still am. Then his so called female friend, I believe he was banging her too. I don’t trust him if I even see something on TV I might think he’s doing it, If someone tells me their husband cheated I start thinking he’s doing the same thing, I even thought he was having sex with the female guards in the jail you name "I’ve thought it" I cant watch Maury or Jerry cause I start tripping. I’m very Jealous and I almost can’t control it anymore it’s now turning into a rage. I’m afraid that when he gets out we are going to still keep fighting over this cause it’s been two years and I still bring it up and I more than love my husband but I don’t know how to let go I don’t want to lose him.

written by Phae, 20 November, 2008

What does jealousy give you? Do you get any happiness out of it? And what if you found out he was cheating? Would that make any difference? It would only hurt you. Just assume that if he was cheating, you couldn’t do anything about it. So just assume he isn’t, and try to be close to him and look in his eyes. When he touches you, do you feel like you are home? If so, stop worrying about the cheating and worry about how he is viewing you. You are making him feel unwelcome and hated. There is another phrase--" if the shoe fits, wear it". If you are going to be suspicious, he might just throw up his hands and finally do it just because he’s already being crucified for it anyway. It may seem to you like you’re being "cute" or showing him your love, but all he feels is coldness, and you don’t want him to see you that way. Don’t bother apologizing, just never do it again.

written by Truthguy, 15 January, 2009

Man, I’m sorry for saying this but the lady that said that she cheated on her husband to show that she’s the "leading half" or something like that is a b****. To do that to your husband for your stupidity is messed up. Like seriously

written by AnAwfulWife, 18 January, 2009

Jealousy doesn’t get you nowhere. I think I just ruined my marriage because of it. I actually went over to his female friends house and punched her right in the face for no reason. Just because I thought she was taking my husband from me. It’s not like my husband didn’t tell me where he was going or was trying to hide anything. He tells me everytime when he is going to hang out with her, when he calls her, etc... I have even hung out with her myself and she is actually a nice person. But I just got so preoccupied by these jealous thoughts and let it overcome everything. Now he is so upset with me and said that he should have actually @#$% her so at least there would be some justification for it. I have pushed him away so much. Don’t let jealousy ruin your relationship. Being jealous is just going to push your partner away.

written by Shadow wife, 10 May, 2009

Well here i am i think im jealous but im jealous over my husband deceased wife. when i type that it makes me sick. i married my husband now who lost his wife. and i think the reason i do is because he talks so much about her and still has many pictures of her around not to mention some of her clothing im in there home so most of it is the things they had i have some thing but lost most of what i owned in a fire.he was married to her for many years i guess it would just be nice if he would talk about us.

written by Jealous Wife, 27 August, 2009

I get so jealous all the time when I see women on my husbands myspace or facebook and make him delete them when I know I have male friends on my 2 different sites also, but I think I try to make it ok for me to have male friends and not ok for him to have female friends because I tell him all the women on his friends list are either women he had slept with when he was younger or they are a lot slimmer than me and also half naked where as my male friends are just that friends and fully clothed, am I crazy to think that I am in the right here seeing that I told him I don’t care if he has girls as friends just make sure they are fully clothed and that he hasn’t slept with them...

written by Depresdgal, 06 September, 2009

Hey ppl. Cnt believe dis is such a common problem. Its so sad :-(. I wish these horrible feelings wud go away. My husband says im driving him away wid my insecurities. But cn we help it? If i dnt want him 2 tawk 2 anuda woman is it so wrong? What hurts more than nethng is da fact that they continue doing it. Be4 dis i neva had a serious relationship. I admit im insecure, bt i tawt if sum1 loves u its unconditional. Gues theres 2 many of us living in fantasia. I feel like leaving him because da hurt turns 2 an unquenchable rage.

written by I_Hate_Myself_For_It, 14 October, 2009

I am also a very jealous wife. I get jealous of time he spends with people other than me. I snoop, question and accuse often. It doesn’t help that he is a liar. He lies about going shopping or to lunch with people, and God knows what else. I know I am insecure, I think he’s going to find someone else that catches his eye and he’s gonna cheat. I think of all the worse things he could do to hurt me and it’s driving me insane. I want to stop, but I’ll do ok for a few days or even weeks and then fall into it again. It is making me and making him miserable. He says he’s tired of it and that it makes him not want to be around me. I feel so horrible and desperate. HOW DO I STOP FEELING THIS WAY???

written by Tryin2fixme, 05 November, 2009

I’m on the same boat as everyone here. I can’t help but to be insanely jealous. It’s uncontrollably jealous. I go nuts making up scenarios of what my husband might be doing. It’s driving him crazy and I am trying so hard to stop. It’s nice to know that other people deal with this. I just hope there is hope for us to change. I feel like an ugly person because of this Problem. Good luck everyone.

written by disappointed, 08 November, 2009

My husband goes out for a drink after work and likes to stay up until late. The problem I have is that he is usually only 1 guy with his female coworkers. He is also only married guy at his work. He argues that he is being a big brother to them. (one of his female coworkers also told me that my husband just takes care of everyone) I don’t like this and I have told him about my feelings. He promised that he won’t stay out late... lets say like after 3am.. but last friday, he came home after 5 am. He says that he doesn’t do anything wrong.
I know that he went out with all of his coworkers but then he probably was drinking with one of his female coworkers who recently broke up with her fiance.
Why does he care about so much to other female coworkers relationship problems as he is old brother to them, but not to his own wife’s relationship problem with himself?
Do I really have a jealousy issue?

written by jealous wife, 17 November, 2009

i am ruining my marriage as we speak over this jealous stuff i have a 3 month old with my husband and i gained weight which i am big to begin with doesn’t help anything and i accuse my husband of everything and i know in my heart he is trust worthy but i keep thinking all this crap in my head that he is doing but really not doing. i am pushing him away to the point i put him out because i am so jealous and think he can do better than me. i need help

written by n8, 04 December, 2009

My wife is jealous of any time I spend outside of her sight. Today I went to class at the college and had to leave an hour early to get a few things done in the computer lab. She grilled me over and over and now I feel worn out and tired. I then get home and read a document on the computer. Titled "life" which reads

"I hate life and wish it would be over soon. There is nothing to live for when you feel so unloved and alone.
"

She does this on a weekly basis. Flips out and gets over depressed over nothing. Its been going on since we were married 5 years ago. I can’t take it anymore because I really need a positive environment and she does not want to change.

I am going to counseling. She dropped out because she said "she doesnt have anything to talk about" we have talked countless hours about it but nothing changes.

I don’t think we are going to stay together. But in a way I feel much more confidant about my life knowing that I can move on and I do not have to be held back by others insecurities.

written by Kichy, 20 December, 2009

I recently checked my wife’s cell phone for messages, where a girlfriend of ours invites my wife to go out on a girls night out and tells her that a guy "invited her and told her to bring girls", one of them being my wife.
I immediately felt depressed and this went on for four days before I had the courage to confront my wife and asked her what is going on. She told me I was being paranoid, that in fact she had told that girl friend she has hesitant to come to the party as she is not single and would be ditched by the single girls attending.
This happened yesterday afternoon, and my wife just hasn’t been the same. I know that I hurt her and disappointed her greatly.
I am considering attending counseling because I hate feeling this way and I do not want to wreck my marriage.
To all of you, men and women who visit this site. GET HELP. The problem is ours with our little or non-existent self-esteem. The most important person in your life should be YOU; and once you achieve that love for the person that you are you will see how others can love you. You do not need to live in fear and pain.

written by uglybutt, 10 February, 2010

my husband is a nurse and works with all females. I can’t measure up to their manicured nails and coiffed hair. We rarely have sex, but he sure does enjoy masturbating while looking at these same types of women online. If he would just hug me sometimes I think I could make it.

written by donno wt 2 do, 10 March, 2010

Am so confused.I got married at 21,was an arranged marriage.My hubby is really a nice person and loves me,but his past haunts me.he had an affair with a girl with whom he was just being friends after our marriage and all their mails and smses made me crazy.It seemed like they both miss each other till now and the most pathetic part is that I didn’t have a hint about all this b4 marriage when we were seeing each other as in our courtship time.As I confided every bits of my past to him,I expected him 2 do the same b4 getting married.........and this pains me,really a lot....I also found out another woman’s photographs on my honeymoon and when I questioned him,he said they were about to get married bt eventually they broke up.I just can’t convince myself.I’ve tried numerous times to explain myself that there’s nothing wrong wt my hubby.....bt!!!Plsssss help me. I’m so insecure right nw that sometimes I get infuriated even at the slightest of the issues and my marriage is at stake. Plsssss suggest me wt 2 do.

written by sexy but not sure anymore, 16 March, 2010

I’m an overly jealous wife that accuses my hubby every time he walks thru that door. The times when I accuse him is wen he dont answer my calls or texts me back. He also gives this guy that tried to make my hubby cheat on me one night and it almost worked. I hate him with a passion but yet my hubby tells me the only reason why he gives him rides is because it’s his job. Well I tried asking my hubby whos his wife and he gets really upset with me and hates arguing. I’m wanting to leave him before he cheats on me but when I tell him that I want to leave him, he always sweet talks me into staying. I’m always smelling his thing wen he gets back from work too. And if it smells the same from wen he left than i have nothing to worry about but its wen it smells like he washed it then thats wen the jealousy will hit. but thank god i havent gone thru that. I think i’m gonna try counseling and if that dont help out our marriage then I cant be in this hurtful relationship. Good luck to everyone who has the same problem.

written by CraZee HeArT, 19 March, 2010

Wow....it’s good 2 know that there are other women out there whom i share those thoughts and fears....i swear i thought i was the only 1....good to know i’m not the only one.....ladies stay strong....peace and tranquility

written by abused husband, 14 April, 2010

My wife just walked out last week with her 2 kids and left me and my 2 boys. My first wife died 11 years ago and I remarried only 2 years ago. This last wife and I were together for 4 years and we deeply loved each other. About 6 months into the relationship she became jealous of my dead wife. She started to look through boxes, drawers, everywhere. I had to remove all my late wife’s pictures and anything else that reminded her of my late wife. It got worse then that. I and all my friends and kids couldn’t talk about my late wife, any past events and I was forced to disassociate with my old friends for fear that she would hear reminders of my late wife. I had to pretend my past didn’t exist. Just a few months before we got married, my to be wife, laid out before 4 pictures of men she had dated before me. She continuously searched through my belongings. We had many blow ups over this as I couldn’t comprehend why she thought this way. I recently wrote a letter to some people revealing this story and in doing so I finally realized how much pent up inner frustration and emotion I had retained for the last 3 years. I actually feel very relieved that she is gone.

written by This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it , 23 June, 2010

WOW. This is crazy. I see that I am not the only with jealousy problems. They are killing my 2.5 year relationship with my boyfriend. We are on the verge of a break up and I really need to change. I just hope I can. It is draining, for both me and him. I don’t like being insanely jealous of anything and i know there is not a point but to me its almost like I have control. It’s bad. Good luck to us all.

written by loveygail, 26 June, 2010

i am married for 4mon and i hated myself most for being so jealous over my husband’s past girls..it keeps bothering me for all time and makes me paranoid. we oftentimes get to quarrel about nothing and fights would all end up into tears. one time, like today, i almost slap him on his face because of the bad feeling i felt. he starts to yell at me, saying things that makes me feel cheap. i dont know why but that’s the result of my being so rude and jealous about nothing.

written by thinking differently, 27 June, 2010

I think jealousy stems from people who have too much free time!! Get involve with some hobbies and make yourself do interesting things.

written by lucylia, 21 October, 2010

God,its like reading about my own life. Im not (this is not meant in a big headed way btw) an unattractive girl. Infact,im better looking on a scale of one to ten than my partner lol. I have an outgoing flirty personality and loads of friends. But im INSANELY jealous where my partner and other women are concerned. So bac that im driving him so round the bend he smashed our lap top up as he couldnt take it anymore. He was only out for a pint with his pal but i went on and on and on and he just snapped. I have promised to stop. My new worry is that he is sittin at work right now thinking i make him feel sick and he hates me and is only with me through pity. Grrr @ all this jealousy xx

written by Angela66, 08 November, 2010

I don’t care if my husband talks to other women at work as long as not outside of work at lunch, after work, etc. I don’t think my husband should go to lunch with other women like two women and two men it’s like a coupled off or something and it’s wrong.

written by Brisa, 23 November, 2010

I am so jealous... I even get jealous of his own cousins and he cheated on me with his ex so now I feel like he still loves her and that he thinks of her every time were intimate. I hate it he gets mad but I can’t help it. I hate his ex girlfriend and I think she is always on his mind.

written by Beautiful Relationship Ruined, 06 January, 2011

My fiance ruined our relationship with her paranoid jealousy and constant suspicion. When we met, she was confident, secure, trusting and loving. I wanted nothing but her and her alone. I wanted to make her happy, to please her... I would have done anything to that extent, and I did. It was a dream... for about six months. We traveled the world together, she moved in, I cooked breakfast, she made coffee... we were happy. But then things changed. She wouldn’t allow herself to be happy. I never cheated on her, never even came close. As a response to her unfounded allegations, and over about a year, I modified my behavior to give her nothing concrete to be concerned about. Then she had to rely on sheer imagination. She grilled me over my past, before I ever met her, using things that were history to justify her suspicions of the day. She created things to be worried about, things that didn’t exist. There were no women parked on our street for my benefit, I didn’t have internet relationships, etc. etc. etc... The more she accused me of nothing, the more I tried. I literally would have minor panic attacks if I was late coming home from a business meeting... I didn’t want to give her anything to worry about. I wanted her to be happy, I tried even harder to give her assurances. Then I started to pull away. The trust was gone, the passion in the toilet. I woke up. Her relentless suspicion was her way of controlling me, whether she consciously knew it or not. I began to feel that I was the willing victim of emotional and mental abuse. I was. She was no longer the woman I fell in love with, but rather an insecure shadow of the woman I met. Once she admitted the fact she had a problem, she then became a defensive and negative person... about almost everything. Her retaliations to me attempting to maintain MALE friends became ridiculous. I tried so hard, but nothing would work to turn things around. I had to break off the engagement. And then came the horrible, hateful, mean and unfounded texts, phone calls and e-mails. I should be devastated and heartbroken... but my number one emotion is RELIEF. I’m relieved I’m out of the cage that I put myself in, out of love. In the end I couldn’t be pathologically codependent. Apparently I tried without being fully aware of it at the time. If you want to lose a good man (or woman)... be jealous, be suspicious, be insecure and be alone (because you already are).

written by confused & jealous, 22 March, 2011

I am one of those women that started out with a good attitude, my husband was the sweetest most attentive husband ever, but shortly after the marriage things changed. I am not comfortable with him keeping in contact with his ex’s and I dont think it is appropriate for them to have his cell # and be texting and calling him. I don’t like the female friends on facebook and I am a firm believer of leaving the past in the past. I do take responsibility for my jealous ways, but I also think my husband has played his part also. The female friends that he had in the beginning never seemed to care about meeting me or establishing a friendship with me or being positive about our marriage, which is why I don’t believe their intentions were good and felt like they were not real friends; they seem to want to stay in the picture with the intentions of our marriage not working out. He never acknowledges these issues, even when some of these so called friends have made inappropriate comments about our marriage. I want to get over my jealous ways and want my marriage more than anything, but I think at this point my husband has to do his part as well!!! why do men always down play female relationships just because their not interested? Just because the man doesn’t want the female doesn’t mean she doesn’t want him and has bad intentions!

written by..., 18 April, 2011

I really think I need help, my boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half, and he is the most caring, funny, loving, gentle person I have ever met, but recently (since being diagnosed as bipolar) my jealousy has gotten seriously out of control. The rational side of me keeps telling me that its stupid to feel like this because he tells me he loves me everyday, and has never cheated or done anything like that. But I cant help but feel an overwhelming sense of jealousy when he talks to old school friends or female work colleagues. In my mind, he could do so much better than me. I mean, he has too put up with alot of shit because of my bipolar mood swings, and now along with that, my jealous questioning about what his work colleague looks like, or what shes like as a person and so on. I love him with all my heart, and I really don’t want to loose him, and I think if I cant get a grip with this jealousy thing, I am going to loose him. Please, if there’s anyone out that has some advice for me, please help, Id really appreciate it. Thanks!

written by one who struggles with jealousy too, 20 April, 2011

I think that anytime the opposite sex hangs out with each other there is an attraction on one side or the other or both. I get jealous easily but ive never felt like it wasnt brought on by the actions of my spouse or the other person.He can talk to other girls when we are out somewhere but they dont need to go places together. If they do start that kind of stuff if they arent fooling around then that can get it started. Relationships are hard enough without doing stuff that puts it in a situation and testing things that far. your just asking it happen if you go along with it. My problem is how to deal with it when We are somewhere and I can see something that I think is going to far with flirting or talking to someone. Now when you havent seen each other all day and you accuse them and question them when they come through the door and there is no proof and you havent been anywhere together and seen another female trying to get to close then maybe you should talk to professional about it.

written by Armywifensoldier, 24 May, 2011

Basically most of you women don’t trust your husband if you did you wouldn’t be nagging and driving your husband crazy I work in the military and its tiring to hear husband complain about how their wives continually harp on them about not wanting them around women or men first of just because a woman is friend or around a women does not mean they want your man. Now if you have this much issues see a counselor. Now I’m not trying to be hard and mean to you women because I know some guys may have given you reason to be suspicious but if he hasn’t then give the poor soul a break and I’m saying this because I’ve been married for 15 years and still going strong. My hubby works with and we think of them as sister/friends. Sure their was one woman who couldn’t take the hint but, the fact its all about TRUST and the woman above saying you cant have friendship with opposite sex is BS. For one I have about ten guys who are my friends and my husband are friends with them as my husband as female friends. I can honestly say two things will happen with one outcome if you women/men can change this 1. your husband will feel like hell your accusing me this whole time why not I’m already in the dog house i might as well cheat. 2. The guy will get fed up with the nonsense and leave for some who will trust him. I wish you all the best.

written by sarah5900, 29 May, 2011

I’m exactly the same, I have been with my boyfriend over a year now, he has never cheated on me or done anything to make me feel jealous but I’m constantly thinking he will leave me or cheat on me, he has a child with an ex, who I no deep down he doesn’t want to be with but whenever she texts concerning his son I snap at him, I no he loves me but I don’t no why he loves me?? he tells me everyday and always reassures me but I don’t believe him and I no if this carries on I will lose him, and he really is the love of my life I want to get through this, but I don’t no how??

written by mecca, 13 June, 2011

I’m glad to read this site,and U’ve learned so much about jealousy problem for a couple. I need to change my behavior so that my husband not gone away from me.

written by Sharon a, 19 June, 2011

You know I married a man with two children from 2 women. The first gives me no issues. The second I hate with my whole body. From the beginning he told her when we were getting serious, which I think was none of her business, then she wants to have a ‘talk’ with me. I forgot to say he is white she is black and I am white. She wants to talk to me and ‘teach’ me how to do her daughters hair. Hello I am a 29 year old adult at this point, long curly hair and two boys of my own, I don’t need, Parenting advice on hair or reminders to use sunscreen. Black and white alike need sunscreen and clean hair. Seriously thats what she had to tell me. Am i jealous? I don’t think so. But he put her in the middle at that point. He tells me she never meant anything to him but he wants to save her pics for the kid. Im sorry u said she meant nothing so were saving meaningless pics to remind ur daughter about what her parents never had. He must be crazy. Then she wants to call him for every stupid reason so she can ‘control’ something. I think not. She then gets ticked and says oh yeah he calls me for sex on sundays. She didn’t know my husband goes to church with me on sundays so it was a straight up lie. Now she wants to apologize and be friends. Second she wants to hang out with me...no way...he manipulative ways of getting dirt on me don’t work. I’m so fed up with it. I have forced my husband to drop all communication because I get so angry I have to share him with her bec of the kid. So this works for me, we talk to the ex only through email and I type and control all of that. No texting to him and talk is only done as a relayed message from the daughter. The pics were sent to her if she wants to save them for the kid. Now what irritates me the most, as if above isn’t enough, is her lack of mother skills. This grown woman lives at home with her mom and sister in a 3 bedroom apt. She has my stepdaughter and a daughter from another relationship all sharing one bedroom with their mom. So mom and 8 year old and 14 year old in the same room. She has no respect for herself and doesn’t teach her daughter how to be a lady. How can she, she doesn’t even respect herself which was proven when she lied that they were hooking up. LOL! She let’s her daughter miss hook for no reason, and almost wants her to be sick bec she rushes to the dr. For every little nothing the kid exaggerates. Thing is kids mimic their parents, and this one is moms little offspring. So regardless of our rules, mochas her so corrupted it’s pathetic. Now am I jealous or just ticked off that this liar gets to share a kid with my husband. She doesn’t deserve him. I am a Christian and I know I’m required to forgive and let it go. But it is always a reminder of this woman who wants control of my marriage. Thank God my husband allowed himself to step back and give me all the contact. As a women we can see the manipulation and control and conniving ways of the ex. My husband and I have said he and I are the parents the others are only part time when the kids are with them. We have custody of all 4 kids. She goes to her mom3 days a week. Now that the ex has to correspond with me, she hates it. She can’t stand it because I catch her game and stop it, where as in the past she ran all over my husband. I love this man like crazy, and he can’t be mean, it’s not in him. It’s why I love him. But as his wife,m no one is going to get over on him. Not even the worthless ex. So ask yourself again is it jealousy, or are you protecting your family. Many if not all councilors say the biological parents have to have contact for the kids sake. Nope not true, I handle the ex better and the arrangements keep our household happy. It’s not about control at all, if that is what ur thinking, it’s about protecting my family from the wolf in sheep’s clothing!

written by Hit by a train, 20 June, 2011

My partner of nearly 20 years cheated on with a work colleague. I have always trusted my partner and supported his decisions to work away and change jobs. This meant that my own career took a back seat (in hindsight I see I was foolish to do this) as I enjoyed my work. Recently he began to have anger issues I thought this him turning 50 this year or the stress of his job. I tried to raise the point to help him but he closed off. Last week he told me he had feelings for someone else. I am consumed with rage and jealousy and wish these feelings would go. My rationale side tells me I am better off without him, but I cannot control the dark feelings. It frightens me that I may take this mistrust, insecurity and jealousy to other relationships (I’m 38, the other woman 31). If anyone has been betrayed please tell me do you ever get over it??

written by Norma Boykin, 03 July, 2011

This is to everyone of you.I am also very Jealous and it has been really bad for the past 2 months,so I opened my bible because I really need help with this and spending lots of money for counseling is not the way to go just save your money and turn it over to God.Jealousy can control you if you don’t let God deal with it.How do you put jealousy to death?First of all you need to start thanking God for what you have,who you are,and what you can do,because if you dont you are not going to be anything,you are not going to accomplish anything for God,your mind is on other people too much. Don’t let jealousy control you,it will rob you.Jealousy is like cancer that eats at us and eventually ruins us.Jealousy is a sin which must be rebuffed.Jealousy is going to turn to hate.

written by JDH, 21 July, 2011

Thank you for this site!!! I thought I was going crazy until I read some of these articles. I am a Husband of 4 years, my wife who I love to no end has gone into my cell phone for the last time. I have females that I am friends with, just like guys. All of my friends no I’m married and for their knowledge, "happily." I have not told them, until yesterday, that my wife is a jealous and insecure woman. I discovered that after my wife went nuts for me talking to a female friend of mine that I told her about. We had been friends for 10 years 7 of which were before my wife. She went into my phone records and called her. She did it again when I was out of work with some ladies that I formed a support group with while at a Job Search Seminar. There she actually spoke to one of them to determine our relationship (although I told her about ALL of them!). I got a job in another city and she and her son moved out after he graduated. I have met several people here and one lady in particular and I just hit it off. I warned this lady that my wife would be calling her because she and I speak regularly and its regarding the town, places to go, things to do, etc. Sure enough my wife who has been "mommying" her 17 year old and ignoring me, happen to pick up my cell phone because it was going off with all my junk mail coming in. A text was on my cell from a former business colleague, of course a female asking that I call her to give her advice on a matter. No worries, right? My wife says, please don’t tell me that’s a woman. I exploded. Of course she then goes and looks in my phone records again and now has called the other woman that has been nothing more tha a gem to me. I’ve had it. As much as I love my wife, I don’t deserve this treatment. I don’t go in her phone, her purse, ANYTHING. I don’t question her about her friends and encourage her to have them. This constant jealousy is for the birds. I stayed on the couch last night and will be there again tonight. I know that she’ll do it again because she has told me that she wouldn’t all the other times before. I keep my laptop with me, I barely speak anymore, and I certainly have stopped asking her out because I don’t want any overreaction from her. (Sorry, she says she wants to go out with me but never does and I stopped asking.) It’s a shame that at our age this childish behavior continues. Shame.

written by Poopoostink, 22 July, 2011

Well you can add me to the fruit loops. I’m great in relationships.. I don’t care about, I suck in marriage. See the thing is you invest everything, work as a team, compromise...basically there’s a lot at stake. My first marriage ended because my ex husband was a sneaky cheating lying critter ?...5yrs gone ‘poof’.
Marry hubby #2 and that’s what it’s turned into ?.this time I believe it’s me and being jealous/ suspicious.
I honestly feel sometimes that it would be easier to leave and get it over with, save the waiting for it anguish. I also try to hate him so I don’t care if he did.
I agree with another poster, get a life... Get happy and most of all don’t make your significant other The ONLY other on your life!!

written by Riah, 12 August, 2011

I finally found the man I was looking for! I have been in an abusive relationship, and previously married to a cheater, and then I found him. We just clicked, and for the longest time things were awesome. We played and flirted all the time, I have two children from my previous marriage and he has 1 child from his previous marriage, and we just meshed together and made things REALLY work. Then we had a baby together, and after the baby came I gained a lot of weight from the pregnancy and I am having a hard time getting rid of it all. I lost 80 lbs before we got together, and I looked great, and now my self esteem is low, and I have a hard time dealing with how I look now. I think this is what has caused me to be so jealous. I never was jealous before, he had lots of friends, did whatever he wanted, and I was fine with it all. Now I find myself throwing everything I do for him in his face, and I am constantly yelling at him to compliment me and make me feel good about myself. I am jealous anytime a girl gets near him, and god forbid him to smile or talk to another female. I hate that I have gone from being the coolest chick in the world to him, to some crazy baby mama. He still tells me he loves me and that he wants to spend his life with me, but he is getting to a point where this is becoming to much. I just want some advice on getting things back to where they use to be, for I am in fear of losing my best friend!

written by snuggles, 18 August, 2011

My husband and i have been married for 13 years.I am some jealous but i cannot figure out why when i tell my husband something bothers me that he does with another woman he gets mad and screams and yell at me.If he would be understanding and talk to me in the right way we might could work this out but he don’t.My friend told me if he gets mad when i tell him nicely i wish he would not do things with other women he does he must be guilty..what can i do i have to keep my feeling to myself because he is not there to help me with them..he looks at me sometimes like he wants to knock me out.My husband says he has been called to preach...but he does not act like a preacher should.

written by I will overcome., 25 August, 2011

Hi. Thanks to everyone who wrote their situation here. I am also a very jealous person. I understand what causes it and I understand where it stems from.

One: Childhood

Rough is the word for it.
I was locked in a room by myself with nothing for many hours while my parents went out.
I was not allowed to attend dances have a boyfriend or go to my friends houses.
We often would just up and leave our home in the middle of the night and move to some other city or state.
Or they would go to the mall and leave me in the car for hours at a time by myself.
They would lock me in a dark basement for hours or in a back room for days.
My dad was very strong abusive controlling and possessive of me. He was an alcoholic...he quit...had dt’s and then he seemed to treat me worse after this.
He did not let my mom do anything either and was abusive verbally and physically to her.
She tried to run away with me once when I was 5.
My parents also kept away from the rest of the family as well.
My dad constantly railed at me about not being good enough. He blamed me for his not going to college because he impregnated my then married mom.
I recently found out that she was married to another man when she had me with dad.

My mom was very possessive of my dad as well.
They also subjected me to strip searches which I was humiliated by.
I am still ashamed to be nude in front of my husband.

You must think " o she is a trouble maker" No. I was a very obedient very Shy very introverted quiet child. I was too afraid of my dad to disobey. I never did drugs had sex or did anything for that matter.

I also wanted to state that I ran away from home at 16 to escape the imprisonment and abuse.
Point being I have had very little "safe" socialization.
Also that I was technically "abandoned" often by them.
When I was on the streets I depended heavily on my boyfriend for safety. If he left I would be a teenager on the streets.

I feel that I do not need a psychologist to tell me that I am scarred from their treatment.
That I have fears of abandonment.
That I was an only child whose dad was one of two people in her life. And he made sure I he was the only man in my life.
Now I am married to a man who is the exact opposite emotionally of my dad.

Sensitive sweet kind smart talented chivalrous....
I am so afraid of someone else making him happier.

i am very smart and very analytical. I have good intuition about human psychology. I tire of all the sexual images we are exposed to. I feel that whenever there is a boob shot I get all hot and frustrated that he sees those beautiful breasts and mine are not like that. How can I ever full fill him when there are so many beautiful girls in the world that he cant help but see.

That these girls he sees present such allure and glamor and beauty to him...what then am I in comparison but a meal worm.

I know I have good qualities. I am strong. I am kind. I am an artist. I dance.

But all this goes out of the window when I see someone that I perceive that he will think is beautiful intelligent.
I can hardly stand him smiling at another woman. I even have few friend because I feel like there will be a direct comparison when we stand next to each other. I hate comparison. It just reminds me of what I do not possess outwardly. I love my friends when I am alone with them and hate them when he talks to them. I know. It is sick.

But you cannot help the impressions made on your heart and soul.

I feel at times that I am just like a wounded animal and that my guy would be better off with someone who had great parents was socialized properly and has trust and faith in human kind.

I work on my jealousy...bite my tongue....rage inside.
Some months are better than others.
Peace,sisters.

written by MezMooCow, 29 August, 2011

My boyfriend and I are both nearly seventeen, and have been together for over a year and a half. I had liked him for ages before we got together, he was my first crush and is my first boyfriend. And things started off great – we would miss each other whenever we weren’t together, we’d text all the time, have phone and skype conversations that lasted for hours.
But recently, I’ve started to get jealous of him wanting to spend time with other people over me. I’m not as close with my friends as he is, and the fact I go to an all girls school doesn’t help because I have virtually no male friends for him to get jealous of me spending time with, where as he has lots of (gorgeous) female friends. There is one girl in particular that he sings duets with at gigs and rehearses at his house with all the time, and I get so jealous of her because she has this connection through music with that I don’t have, and he’ll always love being with her because he loves music, but there isn’t anything like that holding us together which I fine hard to deal with. The girl is such a lovely person though which is why I feel so awful, so I’m trying to solve it by talking to her and getting to know her better, and by going to their gigs and asking to sit in on their rehearsals. This is helping, but my boyfriend classes spending time with her as his ‘alone time’, indicating that he would rather spend it with just her than with me as well :-/ It’s not just girls though, it’s all of his friends, and I’ve tried praying about it and telling myself that I’m the only one he kisses etc. (I know he wouldn’t cheat on me so I can say that with confidence!)
I try to talk to my boyfriend about it, but he just get annoyed because he doesn’t understand why I get jealous because I don’t spend much time with my friends and have no guy friends so he has nothing to get jealous of. Whenever we’ve spent a few days together in a row, he’ll say that he needs some ‘alone time’ to see his friends, so will practically not talk to me for days, which I fine really hard, because it’s basically him saying he’s fed up of me. And if I try to communicate with him much during that time he gets annoyed at me for being clingy, jealous and not giving him the space he needs. I get that he needs space, but I don’t like the way he cuts me off completely for a few days :-/
I would just love a bit of reassurance from him I guess. Such as whenever he’s going to see other girls or talking about them, he could say ‘you’re 10 times more gorgeous than they are’, or something less shallow like ‘Those girls have nothing on you, I love you’. However I’m having to try and deal with this issue we have on my own because I’m not really getting any help from him, so please, could someone give me some advice? I think I’m starting to push him away Thanks x

written by This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it , 05 September, 2011

Hello everyone, i have a big problem I AM JEALOUS and it does not suit me well. I have been married for a year and know my husband for 2 years we have the most loving one year old daughter, we fight in front of her and every time i feel its only my fault or this is the same way my daughters relationship is gonna work out. I say sorry every time we fight and it has come to this point that sorry has no meaning. I fight over s### my husband has never cheated on me, he is a bit over friendly but that is the way he is. He is never rude always friendly and kind and that makes me feel small, sad, unsure bout my self. I am not ugly but very unsure about my self, i wish my inside was as beautiful as my outside, if any one has some good advice, it would really help.

written by crA-Z, 27 September, 2011

I am SO jealous. I know that it is me and my husband has never done anything wrong. I am jealous of a girl he works with because one night I asked him "if you were single who would you date at work" he answered and then proceeded to answer all questions.....she is pretty, nice, young, has a nice booty, other guys check her out, and she dressed really sexy. I have been like a crazy person and now feel as if it is too late to change

written by z=z, 29 September, 2011

I had a boyfriend, he was so jealous. I did not understand why he was acting like that. but now I am married I am being so jealous. it makes me crazy & depressed. Maybe there is a reason to being jealous. I trusted the ex-bf so I did not feel any jealous. But now my husband lied me once before we get married. He and his ex-girlfriend were communicating through a text. Then I asked he said she is his best friend. but i had a feeling something wrong. maybe my instinct was telling me she is not a just friend. Since then I started to be jealous. so yesterday after 5 months marriage I told him the thing he did in the past still bothers me so I am being jealous and becoming darker and heavier. He said he would not do anything. I will try to trust. so I just want to say people here, do not blame yourself too much to being jealous. there is a reason.

written by shelley j, 05 October, 2011

I have come across this thread after another argument with my partner about my jealousy. I hourly hate myself but don’t seem to be able to stop myself from worrying that he is going to or is doing something. I was horrid to him in the past, I lied, cheated and was not a v nice person at all. This changed, after far too long by my own admission, but now I have a constant feeling he will ‘get me back’. When I am thinking clearly, I know and don’t believe he will do anything, then I get a silly thought, and I say I am having a stupid thought, but it escalates as it stays in my head. I know it’s my fault and I am sick to death of getting this sudden anxiety about something that hasn’t happened..............argh!!!!!

written by This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it , 12 October, 2011

Hi, I am a VERY jealous person and I always have been. Currently I have been married for almost 2 years, I have been with him for almost 4 and we have an almost 3 year old son. I hate myself for how completely over the top jealous I am!! Any girl that talks to him I freak out in my head that he likes her and would rather be with her then me. I go through his phone, his car, anything that I can. He does not know that I do this but I do. It is sickening! I try not to freak out on him so he does not know how completely over the top jealous I am but sometimes I do let it show just not as often as the thoughts pop in my head. He has given me little reasons not to trust him completely such as his best friends girl friend sent him naked pictures of herself and he emailed them to himself and I found them and got very very mad so he deleted them and claimed he had no idea how that happen and he had something set up that all the pic.s sent to his phone went to email automatic... which is complete BS because no picture that I had ever sent him was there. I do understand that he is a guy and guys like nice bodies and so on and so forth however it eats me up inside still and I do not know what to do about it. Then about six months after I found the pictures I found out they were talking over text and he invited her over one night to talk because she was having a hard time, so that evening I mad darn sure I got off work early, she never came over nor did they text about it which was weird. Then a month or so later they were texting again but I couldn’t look at his phone because he always had it on him so i looked at our phone records and they talked back and forth for four hours so I blocked her number and shortly there after he discovered her number had been blocked and that caused a big fight. Anywho enough of the rambling however it does feel good to get it off my chest! I really truly need some help! I do not know how to get over this naked pic. girl issues NOR do I know how to get over my jealousy issue. I was jealous for no reason before the pic thing but it has just gotten worse! I hate hate hate myself for the way I feel and I want to get over this but since I have been this way since I was a small child I do not know how. Please please someone please help me I do not want it to end my marriage!!! I love him I do...

written by change is a beautiful thing., 13 October, 2011

I have been with my bf for 3 years now. I have always been a jealous person. I find that when I am bored or have too much time on my hands I think... Over think! when I first started seeing my bf the first 6 months were rough. He slept with two other women. This was obviously hard to deal with. I always think he is lying to me.. it dosnt help that he is a lawyer. and Ive caught him in some HUGE lies. He claims that he has been 100% loyal after that 6 month period. I recently found a huge box full of love letters and pictures saved from 1992?! I told him he had to get rid of them. I never wanted to be the jealous girl. I just hope that over time I will just get over it. I am extremely jealous of his ex... she was a singer.. just like him. his mother also favours her.. even talks about her in front of me. so could you blame me for having these feelings.

I really hope I will be better one day. I think jealousy is a horrible thing and it will reck everything in its path!

good luck everyone..

written by Insanely Jealous Wife, 19 October, 2011

My Husband and I have been together for almost 4 years married a little over a year. When we initially met I was separated from my ex-husband. We hit it off very well until a couple months into our relationship he used my car and found my wedding band in the glove compartment. He also found a picture of my ex on my cell phone. He blew up on me and said that I didnt truly love him nor respect him because I still had these things. I told him it was just basically, "out of site, out of mind". I really didnt care about them so I just left them as is. I apologized for what he found and I thought things were okay until I found pictures of him and his "so called" best friend (yes, female)on the internet cuddling and laughing with each other. I confronted him about it and he stated that I hurt him first. Like I said we’ve been together now for almost 4 years and I am crazier than ever. I keep trying to tell myself that he would be stupid to cheat on me and if he really wanted someone else he wouldn’t have asked me to marry him. He no longer speaks to any of the females he associated with when we were dating so shouldn’t that tell me something? The more and more i accuse him of cheating the more and more aggravated he gets. Its even gotten to the point where is has been ready to leave and if not that he may get a little verbally & physically abusive. I love this man so much and could not picture myself with anyone else but, how do I calm down? yeah yeah, counseling would help but not when you dont have any money to cover some of these outrageous fees they charge. I cant go to my pastor for counseling cause thats my dad. Am i just going have to get over it? duh !!! but I honestly need help... especially if i want to save my marriage.

written by Sad K, 22 October, 2011

when I ask my husband questions, he never answers directly. When I ask him to answer the question, he withdraws. He’s going away (overseas) for a mission trip and leaving me at home alone with all the household responsibilities. While he is gone, he plans to hire a maid to take care of him. I can’t trust him to be honest with me here, how can I trust him over there? I’m so insecure. Maybe I should just have more confidence in myself.

written by Justin1, 29 October, 2011

I hear you guys. I am so jealous of my wife. I make dinner for the kids and that tramp comes home with her boy-toy, fools around with our bedroom door locked, and then tells me it’s a "business meeting". I hear a lot of screaming and the bed moving but I’m not sure. She and her "associate" then exit the room and pass us while were eating at the dinner table and he shakes my hand and says gigidi gigidi. Is she cheating?

written by Ryan101, 11 November, 2011

@justin.

wtf man? i cant tell whether you’re trolling or really really clueless.

written by oliwha, 17 November, 2011

Had a relationship with a damaged but charming and hot Scottish girl for 3 years whose jealousy completely destroyed our relationship and any amiable feelings I had toward her.

She was mental. It was a real shame.

written by Chy, 22 November, 2011

I am extremely jealous girlfriend too. I am with my boyfriend for a year and a month now. My relationship with him is sometimes kind of odd, he is my boss and we live together abroad. However, sometimes he would hang out with his friends without me, and I can’t understand why I am so jealous and mad. We argue often enough because of this. He even told me that I can’t be his everything or his best friend at the same time. When he told me that, it really hurts me a lot. How I wish he will consider me too as his best friend. But yeah, I love him and I love myself too. Next month he will be in a business trip in Europe and I am flying back to my country. Unfortunately, we’ll not be spending Christmas together. In addition, I even suggested to him that I will just be back here next year after my birthday on the last week of January. I guess, just like him, I need some time for myself too. I just need some air and time enjoying myself from worries and may be just be it is healthy for both us not see each for a while. And I am pretty sure, I’ll be fine and everything will be alright! Cheer up people! ;-)

written by Rob37, 24 November, 2011

Me and my wife have been happily married for 15 well happy about 12 the past 3 years have been hell. We were happy till she started working at this new job and started hanging around this bad crowd. I was never jealous well maybe a little but not like I am now. She would start coming home late saying she was working late coming home drunk one time she did not show up till 5 am. Found this guys shirt in her car and i threw all her shit out of the house and asked for a divorce. It never went thru because of the kids i forgave her. The nice guy that I am and prob the reason she did it was because she knew i would forgive her. She cleaned up for about a month then started getting phone calls were she would leave the room telling me it was her girl friend. Onetime i got the phone when it was ringing and it was a guy asked him what the fuck he wanted said he was just a friend I told him she is married why the fuck did he have her number. He made an excuse that he was a coworker and he had a question about work so i hung up on him.
Then FACEBOOK came along wow this is my biggest enemy of all time. She is on this thing day and night. Talking to her friend at all hrs. I dont mind if it was just girlfriends but its all these random guys. Most of them look like thugs just not right in my head. We are starting marriage counseling next week. I dont know anymore I keep on trying for my kids i try to cuddle with her but she just dont respond kind of telling me if she has been with someone else she prob feels awkward or guilty? I dont know have been very depressed and my job dont help much i started working nights so its even worse!!!!! Need someone to talk to going crazy!!!!

written by Good Guy, 27 November, 2011

Rob....hold on man. You love her like your wedding vows stated, and remember why you married her. Don’t do this for the kids (I lived through that as a child). When the kids go to college it will still be you both. Read Luke 6:27-30. "When someone gives you a hard time you pray for them". So you pray for her as if the tables were turned and you were the one doing wrong. This is the time to give her all of you. Be encouraged, you are not the only one out there dealing with this issue. But what you do need to show the kids is that you respect their mother. No matter how you feel. Remember this, if you have a daughter you are an example to her as to how a man should love her and not give up on her, she are her first image of a good man. For your son, you are an example of a MAN, a leader of his home, he will be watching your every move and one day will react as you. Its okay to let him see you hurt, but it is your response to the pain that you want to show. If you can’t do it for yourself, remember that. But remember, when you got married it was 3 of you (You and her, and God)...go to Him and tell Him how you feel. Talk to Him like you would your best friend. Be open, honest, but be willing to do what He places in your heart, no matter how silly it is. It will work out. Whatever you speak out of your mouth will come to pass....so speak it until you believe it. Your wife is a good woman, your wife loves you, and God loves you.

written by jessicaaa, 02 December, 2011

omggg im EXACTLY like that!! and im only 19 csn i be like this forever?? me and my boyfriend dnt even go out and i still ask him soo many questions im so annoying and ROBB shes cheating and losing feelings and having fun. either the funs is gonna die out or shes gonna get a new man. why dont you talk to her?

written by Shahni, 08 December, 2011

I think you should go, just for a bit. Give him a reason to miss you.

written by me1, 11 December, 2011

I’ve destroyed my 5 years relationship via jealousy... well ive always been jealous but the last few months was just a nightmare...my ex boyfriend used to work till very late – usually with his female colleague. he wasnt paying any attention to me at all. i became paranoid...what should i think if hes nearly everyday finishing late at the same time as his colleague... ive asked him and told him my concerns and he said that there’s nothing going on but from then he started hiding things-work trips with her, lunch breaks etc ive had enough and told that its over... other day i was snooping (we live in the same house) and found some of her stuff in my ex boyfriends belongings, notes LU2 on note book, picture( he says he has no idea how it got there). am i really paranoid? oh also found pack of condoms recently and he denies everything. he says that its not her but he bought it just in case if he needs it with somebody else... please help....

written by Carmelina, 21 December, 2011

My husband & I have been married for 3 yrs. We both have kids from our previous marriages. When we were dating we both broke trust by cheating & inappropriate relationships w/the opposite sex. We went to counseling & things seemed to be moving along very well. But in march of this year I found out that my husband was calling sex lines, prostitutes, ex girlfriends, ordering porno movies on our tv & many more things. When I confronted him on these things he lied. I left & stayed w/friends for 2 months. He finally came clean about making the calls but denies the actual act of sex. Which I find hard to believe. It’s now been a few months & I’m still very insecure & find it very hard to trust anything that comes out of his mouth. Things he does don’t add up or make sense. I’m so tiers of feeling this way. When I confront him on things he turns it all around on me. I feel like I’m going crazy. We constantly fight, we don’t spend anytime together, we don’t even sleep in the same room. I don’t know what to do. This relationship is so toxic I’m not even sure if it’s worth fighting for HELP!!!

written by Autumn Wynn, 26 December, 2011

Yes I can relate to both sexes in the jealousy department. My spirit is weathered and broken as well. My story preludes a two year relationship of a storm. My mate is very attractive and turns all women’s heads. His actions are penetrating eye contact to most women, almost an intense look. He flirts discreetly as I have come to notice and uses it to his advantage. This behavior I find is most uncaring and bad mannerisms. I feel outraged and ignored while he gives his attention to others, as he is often to tired to even give me some attention. I have come into realization that it is not him that is the problem, it is I. Also I detect that he is insecure with himself. So in my hearts of hearts it is time for me to move on. I feel in this precious life and in the moment is too short. Women and men you have a right to be treated with respect. There is too little of that substance on this earth.

written by Kittyrose, 03 January, 2012

Oh yes we are mental and our men are just eyeing the candy. Being friendly. They don’t mean anything to them. Then they tell you how much you mean to them. How beautiful you are. Blah blah blah. My husband thinks he should be able to masturbate to lusty porno nudes and then tells me I am the most beautiful women in the world. I don’t think it’s me who is mental

written by Same hopeless, 09 January, 2012

Hey I don’t know if anyone can see this. I know the problem, she a vacillator and doesn’t even know it. Please god read the book "how we love". It will fix your life, because I don’t even know you. And I know you have done the same thing in every previous relationship. Yes you did. And if this sounds like any other women reading this. Get the book. It was made for you.

written by Worriousalotious, 11 January, 2012

I am a male in a relationship of 10 years (married for 6) renewed vows 2 years. I’m a successful businessman and have a healthy mostly happy marriage with two beautiful daughters.
My problem of jealousy has plagued me all my life,, I clearly didn’t get enough strokes as a child and the problem clearly stems from there! I almost totally wrecked the early years with my amazing wife by digging around in her personal life, looking for some validation that I am not worthy of her (many people comment she is attractive) she is! Well I found loads of stuff in her personal files to keep me awake from her years before me, the important bit I forgot during all of this was that she chose to be with me, and my own insecurities almost ruined it all. We struggled for the next few years keeping it together, as free spirit and a highly vivacious woman she was a total stranger to my questions and suspicions – all completely made up in my head. Two years ago she had had enough and did have a flirt with a mutual friend, nothing serious but none the less you can imagine I was turned upside down. We have since worked on things together and renewed our vows. She runs her own health and fitness business, often spending time one on one with male clients. She gets texts all the time, and is a regular Facebook user all of which drive me insane! I am now having therapy to help overcome my fears of rejection and insecurity as most of this is all in my head. I love her and don’t want to ruin my marriage by being so jealous. I am going to rekindle my hobbies, get fit and widen my life again – after all if it’s meant to be it will and if she decides she is moving on then what can jealousy do to stop that?

written by KarmaBug, 13 January, 2012

I just realized a few days ago that my coworker’s wife is extremely jealous of me. She completely ignores me and makes things awkward at the office now that she’s decided she needs to come to work w/her husband. She doesn’t stay long but I think she’s just trying to make her presence known & known to me that she doesn’t care for me. Here’s the deal; I’m married to a gorgeous man, whom I love very much and who is my best friend (he constantly has to beat women off with a stick even though these women know he’s married, but I trust him with my heart). I do believe my coworker does have a crush on me though. It’s pretty obvious, which is why his wife picked up on his affinity for me and is now a B**** to me. How about be a B**** to your wayward hubby instead? I’m not the one with the flirty behavior or the one looking for someone else? I still like my husband, for crying out loud. I am nice to my coworker but I try to downplay the flirting by not returning it but maybe I do sometimes, because before I realized what was going on, I considered him a buddy and still do. What tipped me off and kinda sent me reeling was about a month and a half ago, we were riding in the backseat of a company vehicle on our way back from a business meeting, with 2 other coworkers in the 2 front seats. He put his leg next to mine, and I moved away, but then he didn’t move away and in fact moved closer, doing his best to keep his leg touching mine. I kinda freaked in that moment when it dawned on me what he was doing. From that moment on, I’ve noticed him staring at me, he always makes a direct line to me when he sees me (whether his wife is around or not) he’s always smiling at me and laughs at even the dumbest stuff I say. Sometimes the way he looks at me, freaks me out because it’s that "I want you now" look where his eyes just pierce me. I already made a decision that I am a loyal wife and will remain as such. I won’t throw my marriage away for some fling and I would be so guilt ridden if anything did happen I don’t know how I would even deal with the shame.

written by Something to think about..., 17 January, 2012

If you’re insanely jealous or jealous in general, something is wrong on your end and you need to seek professional help if it’s damaging your relationships and his / her professional working relationships.

You need to step back from these situations and think about what is really bothering you and why you are acting jealous and you spitting out all this drama.

Yes, you push not just your loved one away from you but everyone if you continue to do this. Jealousy is a form of egotistical behavior, (he / she is mine, he / she is my property, stay off / stay away but this is in overdrive, all emotion and no logic, bad idea).

Believe it or not, the majority of the time, someone that is highly jealous and suspicious of an activity is also highly disconnected from reality, yet another problem. This actual behavior you are playing out as if you are the person in charge of both people, which you’re not, only yourself. This behavior would push someone away, to the point of actually cheating if they aren’t doing it from before. Simply put, they want a stable relationship and person and you’re not giving either.

When you have this behavior, you also need / crave attention but may not realize it, you want to be the center of attention.
That too isn’t good, if you read those rag mags, the gossip columns, stop, if you watch drama programs including stuff like Jerry Springer, stop, if you think you know what is going on but have no proof, stop, you’re wrecking your relationships based on egotism and anxiety. Get some help and fast!

Think about it!

written by Inamorata, 25 January, 2012

I’m jealous only of certain people my husband is around... short, tan Asians... he works with two one is his age and is single, the other is dating his friend, but when we all hang out the two of them have so much in common, it drives me nuts, and makes me doubt myself. I’m a tall, over weight, homely house wife.. whose only 23 with no job, other then taking care of my two small children. The one thing that I truly want is to get attention from my husband and feel like I matter, or at least my opinions. He thinks that every time I speak from the heart and vent a little that I’m stupid or just wrong... even its about how I feel. I feel like our marriage is just based around obligations and old memories... I feel like I’m turning into a monster because of this...

written by Cristina forever alone, 28 January, 2012

Just remember ladies one very important thing – the dog will go after this one, who will open his cage...

written by Jealous wife, 31 January, 2012

My husband and I have been married for a year and a half and we do have an amazing relationship, but the jealousy is out of control. The thing is. I am not the only one. He is equally as jealous. We don’t add any person of the opposite sex of each other on Facebook, we don’t really hang out with our own friends individually, and we limit interaction with ppl of the opposite sex in real life. Is this normal? Do people act like this or are we from a different breed?? I don’t think he would actually cheat on me, but I do get jealous if I feel he is staring at another woman or if he gives his friend’s wives or gf’s the time of day. It makes me feel terrible.. I just wish he could focus all his time on me and nobody else. I do that! I have no interest in talking to other men, so why can’t he be like me? I don’t like giving women the satisfaction that my husband might be checking them out. THAT KILLS ME!!

I think Facebook was really a problem so we both deactivated it. I am hoping this will help our jealous ways.. we will see.. I hate feeling like this!!!!!!!

written by A. Nelson, 01 February, 2012

I thought I was the only crazy wife. I’ve been married for almost 12 yrs and I am the same way as most of you. I get so jealous over the smallest things and I don’t understand why. My husband is about to leave me and it scares me. We have 3 beautiful daughters together. I don’t know how to control these feelings. Why do I act and feel this way? He has never given me a reason to doubt his loyalty. Idk. Maybe I know deep down that he deserves someone a lot better than me and I’m scared he will find her soon. Someone, anyone, plz give me some advice.

written by mickytwiggs, 02 February, 2012

i feel better reading these chapters in other peoples lifes. because i have been feeling really alone. i know some guys are dogs and they obsess on sex. im a guy that has been married to the same women since i was 16 years old she was 32 i was 16 and we fell in love. its been rocky i admit but we have a special bond i have been through a lot in my life with lose of family and she is my rock and i still love her very much. but in the last two years(been together 17 years im now 33) she has become very jealous the cell phone checks,accusations constantly, female customers especially. we own our own business and i have to deal with a lot of different people and u do kinda build a friend relationship with some of them but she thinks there is more to it to the point where i have had to drop customers just to resolve the problem because the money was not worth all the bs. that costs money and she has 4 daughters that i have raised as my own from 1 3 8 10 when we met now they are grown and i want to have a good relationship with my wife now that the kids are grown and we have so much free time together. i have been to the point of frustration about this i exploded last night im mean damn im really out working and when i get home im glad to be there to see her but she has herself worked up about something that isnt even real and im at the end of my rope. i do love her and financially things are good but that doesent matter if im unhappy all the time for reasons that dont even exist. SUCKS good luck to u all.

written by Free from jealousy, 06 February, 2012

Jealousy, from the other side really sucks.

No matter what I did, I couldn’t work hard enough, be loving enough, have an alibi tight enough, nothing. I’d be accused of the most rotten things, pushed, kicked, hit, stabbed twice. I kept thinking it was my fault.

My EX was megajealous, and guess what? She did all the things I was accused of. Hmm. Guys on the sly, hiding money in secret accounts, secret love shack near work, an extra car parked at the grocery store, tracking device on my car, key logger on the computer, nanny cams all over the house, extra throwaway cell phones...

Divorce fixed all that. She can kick some other dude around.

Unfortunately my kids have to put up with her crap.

Life goes on, right? I learned not to put up with this kind of crap in subsequent relationships.

written by ashley4355, 08 February, 2012

I don’t know where to begin. I’ve been with my fiance for 4 years now. He is still friends with a lot of girls he used to date, two of which he still says I love you to them. He says it’s like a brother sister thing but it still drives me crazy! then there’s the two women at his work. One he talks to on a daily basis which I get is work, but he doesn’t understand why I get upset when she calls him at 6 and 7 at night just to chat... I try and tell him it bothers me but he just says it’s just work. after 5 is our family time. Then today, he is about 5 minutes from my work to meet another coworker for lunch, he’s off and has our 5 month old son with him so it’s not a working lunch, why couldn’t he ask me if I wanted to go? We rarely get to go to lunch together so I would think he would’ve thought about asking me but no, he didn’t. does this make me a jealous person??? I’m so confused.

written by jennyct, 09 February, 2012

If two people don’t have quality time together, then I could see why you would be jealous.

Personally, I don’t think spouses should be visiting opposite sex friend’s homes, they should be socializing in your presence. Just too much temptation.

written by Barka, 15 February, 2012

I have suffered for four years till recently I can’t take it anymore. I tell myself to stop it, well I think maybe my jealousy has decreased and I am battling my feelings. My hubby loves it when I relax and be normal. He also tries to help me as we are married for 22yrs now. He makes me feel special too. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH, I thank god for him. My man is 58 i am 47.

written by Corrace, 23 February, 2012

To Iwillovercome
my situation is very similar to yours
My husband at the moment is not speaking to me, but the comparisons you feel are just like me.
Im trusting God to reveal my inner beauty,
I suggest reading stuff on projection!!! Helped me slighty
hoping its not too late xx

written by Victoria Olson, 24 February, 2012

I blame my husband for my jealousy because he doesn’t get it that he’s too friendly. After he gave a ride to a fellow student in a class, she texted and emailed him ad nauseum. He never told her to stop. Why not? Because it was exciting to him that she was interested in him. I finally talked to him about it and he stopped with her, but I will never forget. He could do it again anytime.

written by Laura M, 29 February, 2012

As much as I feel for all the people on here that are going through all the turmoil in their relationship that jealousy creates, I am also relieved I am not alone. I have reasons to be doubtful of my husband because I have busted him kissing other women at a night club and he did admit to kissing another. He swears no sex and because he lies so much, it very easy for me to assume he’s lying about that too. Did I also mention he had a secret cell phone with girls #’s in it I didn’t know? Sometimes I feel justified in my jealousy because it’s not like I’ve only had suspicions of him cheating without proof due to insecurities. In my case, he did cheat (yes, being affectionate and kissing other women is cheating to me), but I know that if I stayed with him and forgave him- I can’t keep throwing what he’s done in his face. It’s just so hard to move on when I catch him in even little white lies. Those little white lies trigger memories of what he’s lied about in the past and there I go flying off the handle. I also check his phone, our phone records, his pockets, I call his work to make sure he is there and everything in between. The scary thing is that when I am in that rage, I do everything to tear him down verbally because I refuse to cheat on him out of revenge. If I did, I would only hurt myself not mention my self esteem, which is already hanging on by a thread. I feel my husband is in a position to where he may feel like there is no point in stopping with the other women because I will never really forgive and forget and he might as well continue. I think my insecurites and his insecurities of needing women to validate him because I am so critical of his character when I’m raging is an ugly rollercoaster ride I so want off of. I would love to learn how to bring him toward me and only give him positive feedback regardless of how I am feeling. Maybe it’s naive thinking, but I pray that if I change and become a shiny example of what I would also like from him, he might change too. If not, at least I can walk away from the marriage feeling good about the person I now am.

written by mother of 4, 22 April, 2012

my husband and i been married for 8yrs, he is 31 and i’m 25, my husband is pain the ass with this jealousy thing, i even want to kill myself for what his been accusing me of..PROMISE to you all here, i’m a very faithful wife and what my husband is accusing me of, it make me sick.

one day i told his sister to give me a application form for me to apply for secretary, MAN this starts with only verbal and no action and then he started of with, fuck why do you want to be a secretary at that company, why do you want have sex with your boss...like hello???? what the hell r u talking about, i haven’t got that job yet, just don’t accuse me of those things that i never did...hubby: fuck you! instead of love you..lols! i apologize for making the wrong move, and he said i don’t need your apologies...i was crying so bad...but the truth is, he is damn kind and loving and caring, but when it comes to jealousy i cant control him, i need help...i am a 100% faithful wife and jealousy is controlling my hubby....he even beat sometimes and he apologizes and i accept it, i understand because of jealousy.....i don’t know what to do please someone help me! i have to make a right move or otherwise....

faithful wife

written by Ruined, 03 August, 2012

Jealous people have major control problems and absolutely no faith in God. Period. You CANNOT control what someone else does, only what you do. Period. Remember it. Live by it. You will only make your relationship better if you allow your spouse to be the individual they are. I once heard a child say the wisest thing. He said "I think happiness is when you are watching football and your wife brings you some food because she likes that you are watching football". I’m struggling with an insecure wife who is toxic to our relationship and my individuality. It’s a freakin’ nightmare of many years. I’m totally sick of her attacking and nagging. I’m a good, Christian man that isn’t doing anything but trying to make her happy. Unfortunately, I know exactly what things in her past caused her to be like this, but guess what? I don’t care what the reasons are anymore. Compassion is gone. I’m sick of it. No more excuses. Don’t push your man to where I am. Just don’t. Trust him and if he screws you over then you are far better off without him. All you can do is trust him and THAT will make your relationship better. If he screws you over, then guess what? THAT will make your relationship better too because you won’t be with him anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

written by I suppose i was wrong, 04 August, 2012

Thanks for the answer (Ruined, 03 August, 2012) It makes sense, and you are right, from now on I am not going to snooping on his phone and emails and give him the benefit of the doubt, you know if he wants to cheat nothing or no one will stop him, if he is going to talk to other people when he is at work and i am at work then he is going to do it, what am i going to do sit here all day and wonder what is he saying, who is he talking too, that is just anyway out of my hands, I’m putting unnecessary stress and negativity in our relationship and at the end of the day, for what? take each day as it comes and like you said “Trust him and if he screws you over then you are far better off without him anyway”

written by I’m so tired of been jealous, 20 August, 2012

I have 21 years living with my now husband and tomorrow is our 6th wedding anniversary. He is a great guy and awesome father. But every time we go out I get so mad whenever he stares at other woman. Makes me feel so insecure. And I feel so ugly. like I am nothing next to him. I been like this sine we were in high school. He was so cold. I will get nice compliments from any other man but not from him. Once he told me that he just never did it so I would not think that I was all that and leave him....that is when I realized that all of it only made me feel so insecure. Course I only feel like that when I am next to him. Next to other people or even guys I feel I could do anything, feel pretty beautiful. The only times I feel beautiful is when we are together in any place and he is really in to me, not trying to look at another girl. And if he does is ok with me only if I noticed he is been respectful towards me. There is been times that we go out and he will just walk in front of me and will just leave me behind walking by myself like a dog. I talked to him a million times but he keeps doing it. I know he loves me but whenever he sees something on me like wrinkles or anything wrong on me he will make sure I know he noticed it, but will never notice anything nice on me. Why can he make me feel loved by him? WHY?

written by wife, 19 September, 2012

I’m married now for 10months.my husband is my bf for 4 for years.we are in love with each other that’s why we decided to get married even we are against all odds.but how my husband treat me when we just still bf and gf its now big difference he change alot with me the way he is. i’m not jealous women but since my husband change i used to accused him and become jealous to everyone even with his male friends that he is cheating on me.now how i can stop myself to being jealous or being rude with me husband i love him he is my life i want to save our marriage.can anyone can help me the right thing to do???

written by beeping birds, 05 October, 2012

Not sure where to begin, my husband of a year is in touch with his ex as they have a 9yr old son together plus a 15yr old boy whom he treats as his own, his ex ended their relationship, they never married, as she had been having an affair, my husband thought she was seeing someone but never had any proof, he was honest with me and said for the first year after they split up he wanted to get back with her but then realised what had happened was for the best, he saw someone on a casual basis but never let them meet his boys, he then met me online, to cut a long story short, he moved 144miles away to be with me, he had never lived away from his home town before, we married and have a beautiful baby boy together now, but my jealousy over his ex is tearing us apart, i’m paranoid he still wants her back and if she asked him too would leave us and go back to her. He keeps contact with her to a minimal for my sake and only ever sees her 10mins when he picks the boys up once a fortnight. It doesn’t help that she caused a lot of problems for us and has made it quite clear that she hates me and resents him, we’ve had nasty phone calls and text messages in the past but nothing sine we married a year ago. I really am going to push him away as he has said to me recently, but this makes me panic and act even worse, I have been to my doc’s and am on medication for anxiety so I am having help, but don’t think it’s doing me much good tbh. I know deep down that he would never cheat on me as his two long term ex’s have both cheated on and left him for other people, he said he’d never treat me like that or hurt me as he was hurt by them and he said that on his boys lives he has never felt about another woman as he does me and that he loves me with all his heart and soul. He is a great dad and a hard worker too, i’m so lucky to have him, but all i’m doing is pushing him away

written by what the?, 13 October, 2012

My husband has always looked at other women. I have also asked him to stop looking at porn on the internet and on twitter. I don’t even hang out with a few of my friends because i cant watch him stair at there asses. I have talked to him about this and he explained how he likes to look but he loves me. This has been an ongoing thing for years. I’m at the point where i believe I’m the ugliest thing. I don’t even want sex. I believe I’m not physically what he wants. My self esteem is destroyed and i have no idea what to do. I try to forget and forgive but i cant see past it. I cry because of the way i look. He has destroyed the way i see myself. Will i ever get over this jealousy?