Past Comments – My wife cheated in the past

written by kencoza, 07 April, 2006

Thanks for this advice – I am trying what you suggest. I hope it will work!

written by gina Rundle, 27 May, 2007

I know and understand all the emotions you feel towards your wife as a year an half ago I to discovered that my husband cheated on me 7yrs ago and then I then discovered that he’d been sending text messages on a phone he had lent to my 13yr old daughter I truly understand how this effects you I hope that you and I find peace of mind.

written by Patrick D, 30 July, 2007

My wife went out all night last Friday with an old friend in the Marine Corps and returned at 6:00am. I was suspicious from the start but she started getting upset and crying the next day. She told me that she kissed him and I handled it quite well considering the circumstances. Later on that evening she told me she performed oral sex on him and I started to shake and had a overwhelming feeling of emotion. She is giving me a believable display of emotion and sorrow for the actions taken but since this man is an officer, I believe that military law should punish this individual because he has broken the MCMJ law and had a behavior that is unbecoming an officer. I will forgive her but the trust is in relative dismay -I cannot look at her without suspicion from this point on. After a 1.5 year positive relationship I feel betrayed and have a strong desire to exit the marriage completely -I still have the feelings though. This is going to be a challenge and resolve but I do feel that justice should be served due to because he convinced her of false promises for a future that is false and deceiving.

written by Dennis2006, 11 November, 2007

I just realize my wife has always had friend with benefits and has this pattern now for the 3rd time. What she calls "a friend" is the reason her relationships always end. This time she used me to get residence for her and her two kids and she fool everyone. She fooled me from the first date. She was a gold digger. She knew what to do and she is now she using the law to take advantage of me.

There’s little known about women in 3rd world countries that are preying on USA citizens for a better life. Never marry without a prenup. I learned the hard way.

written by Dennis2006, 11 November, 2007

Divorce her. It will never work. I forgave my wife too many times. And she still believes that what she does is ok. She lies so well that it puts you under a spell. My wife convinced me that it is ok to flirt with men and so on. I should of divorced her from the first month I found out she always had a friend with benefits. I stayed for 3yrs putting up with her because she used her beauty and sex to fix everything.

written by sonny30, 13 January, 2008

Hi me and my wife have been together for almost 6 years we got marry 6 months ago then the day after x-mas I found out she cheated on me 3 yrs ago we had a big fight and now my family hates her I don’t know what to do she told me not to call her but then she tries to call me I get it we have a child together and she is using him against me to and she is holding what my family has done against me what should I do she still says she loves me but we are living apart now... please help.

written by Cantgetanid, 16 March, 2008

Hi. Me and my Fiance have been together for 3-4 years and are getting married next month in April and I work in the oil patch so I’m gone for 4 weeks and back for 2 weeks. I just found out last month that my fiance was seeing an old fling that lasted about 3 weeks she told me she slept with him once and she pushed him away in the end cause she wanted to be with me she told that she did what she did cause she felt lonely and wanted me to come home but I have a set schedule for work where I can’t just leave unless its an family emergency now that I know of this. I’m not sure what to do I’ve been totally faithful all 4 years and the wedding is coming up. I’m not sure if I should go through it or not she tells me shes really sorry and that the guilt kills her. I’m in a pickle and if you can give me some advice that would be great. I love her so much and she claims the same. I just never thought this would ever happen to me.

written by Alfred, 03 April, 2009

Girlfriend/wife/soulmate of 10 years (living together/working together since high school) cheated on me. I was a fucked up person in all aspects of life (no emo exaggeration); but I loved her and she was the reason for my reformation of values where I treated other humans as people, not just obstacles in my way. Though initially I tried to forgive her for the cheating (multiple times with people I knew), I cannot as the cheating was compounded with prolonged deception and other lies.

She actually apologized to the guy she cheated on me with when I (non violently) confronted him. She maintains she loves me and does not want to live without me, and ironically there is evidence in our relationship to support that. However, I cannot reconcile her actions with her current devotion to me. Thus I want her to leave me now but she refuses. I still love her so its hard for me to physically remove her from my life. I just want her to be happy with someone else as there is no future for/with me.

I dont want to embarrass her by calling the cops or her family to remove her from my house/life. Despite my description of her, she is still one of the most wonderful people Ive had the luck to encounter. I understand she made a mistake but her actions after it and my nature have destroyed any chance of our relationship.

Please advise,

written by Miquel rogers, 20 April, 2009

I had to do the same many years ago.

No need for all the drama, police etc.

That will be present, when you walk out the door.

Peace be with you.

written by DDrewski, 01 May, 2009

its going to take some strength on your part but you can’t continue to let her drag you down. I’d be willing to bet that with her out of your life, numerous things you never expected will start looking up.

written by nose, 10 September, 2009

My wife of 34 years announced she cheated 24 of the first 30 with my so called friends. She initiated every one of the 6 encounters. I traveled most of the time and had no clue that she could even think of cheating. I never cheated on her but had many chances. In her case, she is a child sexual abuse victim and there is no doubt the abuse drove her into the affairs. You may be dealing with a similar issue. In our case, we have tried to work things out the last 4 years but she lies constantly to the point I cannot deal with the lies. I’ve had to give up and separate for now and most likely divorce. Good luck !

written by what?, 29 October, 2009

Once your wife has cheated, she will find it easier to do so again. It is better to simply move on and find another woman – before your wife ends up giving you an STD.

written by Rlharr, 30 December, 2009

My wife has a history of cheating, in her first marriage she cheated for 15 of their 20 years. Now three weeks after our wedding she was back with one of her "partners". I did not find out about her past until after we were married. I would love to tell all her friends about what she did to me and to her first husband. What should I do?

written by Distroyed, 13 January, 2010

My wife told me she cheated on me after 12 years of marriage and we lived together for 5 years prior. She stated she left a lesbian relationship and started sleeping with a man she shared a home with. She slept with him at least three times yet cannot remember his name. We have three children together and I learned aside from a cheat she also lies. I tried to seek help but no realize I need to make a choice of being unhappy and continue to live with her for the sake of the kids ( 12, 10 and 8 ) or to get a piece of mind and leave her. If we break up she will most likely make it ugly. Any advice?

written by Name, 03 April, 2010

Tell her what you feel about the incidence and what you feel for her. Ask her if you did the same what will be her response. Don’t ask for promise only, but changes in life style if she wants to continue.

written by blinded with love, 04 May, 2010

I have been married to the same woman for 14 years. I was working in Afghanistan when I was chatting with her on the internet and suddenly I felt something was wrong (I felt this before but didn’t react on it). So, I asked her the dreaded question, ‘did you cheat on me?’. After several moments of waiting for the response she said ‘yes’. I spent the next two weeks getting sick and wanting to die. I got an emergency ride back to the US so that I could be with her. I have been home now for about two weeks and it has been one very bad roller coaster. My problem right now is not in forgiveness but in trust. She tells me that it was a one night stand and she didn’t intend to hurt me. I really don’t understand that statement from her. I don’t want to believe any of this is real. I hear about this from others all the time, but I thought our marriage was sold enough that this sort of thing would never happen to us. This is a wake up call to all those who believe in true LOVE. Satan is among us and he is winning the war. However, I am a strong believer in faith and Satan will not draw me from God. My wife and I are still trying to work things out. Please pray for us. Thank you.

written by This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it , 17 January, 2011

Im in the same boat

written by Rick D., 30 January, 2011

I have been married for 20 years to my wife Tabitha. Over the course of our marriage she has admittedly cheated on me over 25 times. The only reason I found out was she became pregnant and I had already got fixed after our 2 sons were born. In 2007 she left to be with the other man. I never stopped loving her and I waited on her. In mid 2010 she called me up and asked if she could come home! I took her back and we are trying to fix our marriage.

written by Eric S., 30 January, 2011

My wife carried on an affair with my cousin for 10 years. I trusted my cousin, he stayed many nights at our home. He was always around us and the kids. But now it all makes sense, their staying up late, their dances, I am still with my wife and I have forgiven my cousin and wife. I don’t fault him because she opened her legs willingly.

written by Anna M, 22 May, 2011

I’ve been with my husband for almost 5 years now and I cheated on him when we were together for 3 months. I’ve held it for so long because I didn’t want to trouble him and I thought I could hide it forever. I opened up to him a week ago and he’s been having a hard time forgiving me. So many of you say to leave her but in my perspective it was so long ago. I have been faithful since and we’ve had a healthy relationship. I would never want to hurt him. I know from the man’s perspective it’s fucked up, it is, but I love my husband so much and to me what I did was small compared to how much I’ve grown with him. He means the world to me and this thing I did is a faded memory. I came clean because it burdened me and now I am free from guilt but I just hope my husband can see past it and forgive me.

written by Anna M, 22 May, 2011

I’ve been with my husband for almost 5 years now and I cheated on him when we were together for 3 months. I’ve held it for so long because I didn’t want to trouble him and I thought I could hide it forever. I opened up to him a week ago and he’s been having a hard time forgiving me. So many of you say to leave her but in my perspective it was so long ago. I have been faithful since and we’ve had a healthy relationship. I would never want to hurt him. I know from the man’s perspective it’s fucked up, it is, but I love my husband so much and to me what I did was small compared to how much I’ve grown with him. He means the world to me and this thing I did is a faded memory. I came clean because it burdened me and now I am free from guilt but I just hope my husband can see past it and forgive me.

written by in red, 31 May, 2011

My wife of nearly 5 years had an online affair. There were"dirty" texts and pictures exchanged. She told me very emotionally once she thought I’d find out thru someone else. I forgive her, but I’m having problems with doubting if I would’ve ever been told if she thought I’d never know. She did say after she saw how I reacted with forgiveness that she cheated twice when we were dating in high school and that she felt safe being honest now. I work away from home and I had been paranoid before but I had no idea. I see how badly she feels about it and I feel guilty. I feel like I wasn’t doing enough for her and that this happened because of a failure in our relationship that I should’ve prevented. She is still very emotional dealing with forgiving herself, but I’m not sure if it’s just her fear that my family will find out or genuine grief. I try to talk to her about how I feel and she’s an emotional wreck. I still feel that she doesn’t understand my pain and that I forgive and the pain is still there and damage is done that forgiveness alone cannot repair. And as a side note I never thought I was handsome but now I feel ugly and worthless,and that’s new for me. I’m not looking for advice, I love her and will always be there. But I would be interested in support with dealing with these intense emotions

written by Rodwell, 04 September, 2011

During my last yeat at university, 19 years ago, my girlfriend consistently had unprotectedsex with another guy. I got suspiciuos but never got to catch her but noted something was very wrong because she would disappear on fridays or saturdays only to appear on sundays( pay me a visit). During that year she fell pregnant twice and directed the responsibility to me, I accepted in both cases but was confused because we frequently used protection save for a few times. I was also confused because she, in both cases quickly accepted the idea of an abortion (I paid for both) Two years down the line we got married but my mind always worked overdrive because of the unexplained dessappearences, so I kept on pestering her untill now 2011 she gave in and gave me all the detail about the escapeds. How they would go out for gigs and later book into hotels for night. It happened several times. She confesses she cant tell who was responsible for her pregnances. She Insists She loves me very much. Ehh people out there, what is love? Its tough, it’s difficult, can someone out there tell me how I can recover from this.

written by Hope1, 28 September, 2011

Anna M: How is working out after a few months?

written by nicenthic, 15 October, 2011

Guys, we have been born with the innate ability to keep sex separate from our emotions. Most girls do not have this ability. Once you have sex with a girl, she starts heavily investing herself in you. But it’s up to you to keep your emotions well guarded when dealing with sluts. For most semi-intelligent blokes who’ve had at least some action in his life, this is quite easy to do. But it’s not so easy for a young guy with his first few lays. This is when he might put his heart and soul into a bad apple (read: slut). He will get burned and then learn from it.

The real morons are the guys who don’t learn and invest themselves again in a another slut and possibly marry her. Then they lose a lot more than their hurt feelings – they could be stuck with alimony, child support and even a lost house. Now that’s a lesson they wont forget!

Learn some game theory and see how your mindset changes completely. You will be in power and every girl will just be another social experiment and possibly another conquest when you get good at it. You will understand women better than you can possibly imagine and use this new-found power to your benefit socially and in your personal life.

written by....p, 20 October, 2011

I cheated on my wife at the beginning, when we were just dating about 3 years ago.
The guilt’s been haunting me ever since. I’ve not told her and don’t think ever
will. She means the world to me, I made a mistake, I know I screwed up big time.
And not a single day goes by that I don’t regret my deed. But I decided not to destroy a wonderful marriage for a stupid, meaningless mistake, that is so far into the past.
I will never do it again, but I know if I tell her, our relationship will never be the same if
at all.
So I’ve made the decision to go through life in agony struggling with myself. But it’s hard.

We had a very difficult start, we didnt quite connect at the beginning. At times, I thought she cheated on me, but she never told me and I never found out. Knowing her now as I know, I’m "sure" she didn’t. So it’s all on me, I guess I’ll have to learn how to live with it.

Is there Anybody in this situation?

written by Cheated Ben, 27 November, 2011

My Wife cheated on me and i just could not take it.
Never did i have any clue about her infidelity until i realized some strange and dirty texts in her mobile.
Later, things started to become clear to me as i read more texts which were dated to about 6 months prior to my discovery. One says "Sweety, lets plan this weekend to be together. I will book the tickets once you confirm." Other reads "sex kitten,i want to own you fully for the rest of my life". I was shocked and i wanted to confront her to explain things to me.
She had no idea about me reading her texts and behaved normal. Later, one day, i was drunk at an office party and returned home to find her missing and she left a note saying she’d be with her friends till late night.
She returned and i was in a mood for some sex. Though she refused initially, i kinda forced her to do and instantly found something wrong. She smelled different and had a strong smell. I continued to find that she was very wet and i became wild. I stopped and asked her straight.Upon several attempts,She finally revealed that she had been cheating on my back for about 7 months with a guy in her office and also admitted to once becoming pregnant with his child (earlier we went for an abortion..thinking it was me but we were not prepared then to bear a child). I lost all hope and trust in her and have been separated since then.
It’s about 1 year and we just talk and do not intend to continue with our marriage any further.

written by TennisHack625, 19 December, 2011

My wife was a virgin bride 20 years ago. We have 4 great kids. My father-in-law had 10 year affair that we found out about 5 years ago. This shattered my wifes moral foundation.

About 2 years ago my wifer insisted she needed an "escape" from the kids once a month being that she’s a housewife I thought nothing of this. About 18 months ago I receive an unsigned letter stating my wife was at a party bragging that she had an affair with some guy from facebook that she knew from high school. I confronted her and she made up some bs excuse. So naturally I defended her honor and believed her. She then started hanging around all these divorced people.

Then the once a month turned into once a week and started sleeping over cause she had too much to drink. Turns out her friend had a divorcing brother living in her finished basement. I eventually checked her cell phone bill online and sure enough they have been calling each other daily for over 6 months.

Well that’s enough for me it’s divorce time! Once the trust is gone so is the marriage.

written by navyguy93, 22 December, 2011

Guys, once a cheater always a cheater. Kick their sorry asses to the curb! Protect yourself and your kids! There are normal women out there who are faithful and who are looking for a faithful guy. I was married for 18 years and recently got divorced after my wife met her soulmate at a bar! She told me all about it and filed for divorce while I was overseas. I hauled butt home, got her out of my house and started raising my kids who she left without a single thought. Her and soulmate have recently broke up because she caught him cheating with prostitutes, but she will go back to him...no doubt in my mind as she is a screwed up tramp. I even let her come back home, to try and make it work for the kids, but she didn’t change...still wanted to go out all the time without me, used my 18 year old daughter as the excuse, so I kicked her out again.
The things that confuse you are their reasons for cheating...she got pregnant at 17 and we married when she was 18, so she never had all the fun normal teens have. She was lonely because I deployed all the time. She says I should have expected it and its normal behavior. All of that is BS! I loved my wife and I treated her well! My kids love her and she cheated on them as well. It all boils down to personal responsibility and selfishness. She was a good woman for 12 years and finally gave in to her own selfish ways. The grass looked greener on the other side, but she found out that is not the case.
My advice to anyone who has a wife that cheats is get all the facts. If they lie, won’t come clean, want to keep in contact with the guy or her friends that allowed the behavior or she doesn’t change her attitude towards her behavior, then it is over. Don’t even try reconciliation. That will only prolong your misery. If she is truly contrite, cuts all contact with her friends who condemned her behavior and the other guy(s), can look you in the eye and tell you that she truly loves you, then try and make it work if you can forgive. Be prepared for a rocky future of mistrust and pain. Don’t kid yourself into thinking it will be easy...it is not.
Marriage is damn hard!! Throw in infidelity and it almost becomes impossible! We all make mistakes, it’s what we do afterward that counts!
If you want to save your marriage, it will take a tremendous effort from both.
If you want to end it, it is easier and no one will blame you.
Talk to you friends and you family and figure out what will work for you.
Talk to your spouse and see if she is truly sorry, willing to change and willing to put in the hard work. If she’s not, get out and start living your life!! That will make the pain go away and will be the sweetest revenge!

written by KarenJ, 03 January, 2012

I cheated on my husband after 6.5 years of marriage. It was something I NEVER thought I would do, however, my husband had used withholding sex and intimacy (pretty much from the wedding night.. we had waited until we were married to have sex) as a control method (he even admitted it openly on top of admitting that he is, per his own words "romantically selfish"). He said he felt intimacy and sex are overrated and not truly "necessary," yet that was COMPLETELY different from what he had promised me BEFORE we got married!?

I became really selfish myself since I felt my needs were never met and just didn’t want to even try anymore. I was VERY hot when we first got married, however, he managed to reject me over and over again (asking me to please NOT ever wear lingerie as it’s gross, no oral sex given or received, barely any kissing and would look at me with putrid disgust as if I had a worm coming out of my nose if I asked for sex) SERIOUSLY!!! IT GOT OLD!!! It DESTROYS a woman’s self-esteem... I gained over 35 pounds and just gave up... and that is NOT me at ALL!!! I’ve always cared about my appearance until I got married and was stuck in a sexless passionless CAGE of a marriage!

I cheated with my ex who is still single and the father of my oldest daughter (no, I wouldn’t want to be married to him either, but I am still somewhat in love with him I guess). I know it was wrong, but I can’t help blaming my husband for it as well. I do realize that this aversion to sex was HIS issue, NOT mine and I fully believe that I wouldn’t have done this had he actually TRIED to meet me needs intimacy wise. I had tried for YEARS to understand and put up with it, but one day I guess I just snapped and said "who cares?"

TWO have to work at marriage to make it work. He was just never REALLY willing to try and get better or get help until I did this.

However, now it’s a catch 22 because whereas he wants to try and make the marriage work (as do I), I can tell he’s lost all trust and respect and now treats me like shit in EVERY way, not just sexually like he used to.

Ugh.. Plus, I have to live with the fact I failed myself and my own morality more than anything or anyone else! THAT is the HARDEST pill to swallow is your OWN judgement of yourself (at least in my case since I’m so hard on myself).

I honestly don’t know if I’ll ever be the same or if our marriage will overcome

written by Potheri, 02 April, 2012

Well i can understand the above feelings and actions as well. You were forced to do what u did and I fully sympathise with you.

written by Barton74, 26 April, 2012

I found out my wife has tried to hook up with other people online. She has also been having an affair for more than 15 years. They started the relationship and maintain it online, but have met in person. I once confronted her and she denied anything was going on. I am leaving her and taking back what’s left of my life. Sometimes decent people experience weakness and stray. Most of the time they are just cheaters and liars. If your wife or husband is not repentant and only answers you with more lies then it is over. They are not going to change and don’t want to change. They continue lying because they are trying to take advantage of your love and trust and want to keep doing what they’ve always been doing.

written by Ed M., 11 May, 2012

Anna M. May 2011- You are a good person and wife. Now prove it to him and YOURSELF. Work on regaining your husband’s trust. Do you know how to accomplish this vital task? Talk with him about the affair on a frequent basis. Of course you should candidly answer all of his questions. But you should resist the temptation at forcing him to dream up the questions. Man when left to his devices will fantasize up many convoluted scenarios. His thoughts may be pure nightmares and totally inaccurate. You should rely on your inner strength to volunteer all affair details. Be strong and the partner that starts the healing. I know that you are sorry and just want the uncomfortable discussions to stop. Wishing for the pain to extinguish itself without solid work and its distressing uneasiness is not realistic. Be totally honest. That means not distorting the reasons behind starting the elicit relationship(s), not leaving fundamental facts or multiple partners out of the discussion, not minimizing your actions, not "piece-mealing" the events, and not placing the blame on others. This is a tall, but necessary order to fill. Do you love your husband enough to comply with these rudimentary healing elements? Recovery and forgiveness won’t happen overnight or even over several months. It will take as- much- time- as it takes. Most mental health and marriage counselor professionals will emphasize that you should live in the present moment and to void your memory of the affair details as they affect the present. I do not agree with this philosophy in its totality. I don’t even know that it is possible to achieve. Ladies, the biggest mistakes that some cheaters make during the recovery process is to rationalize your motives for not being 100% forthright. You justify holding back in disclosing all relevant affair details for some of these reasons: it’s not that important, the additional hurt inflicted on my husband will be too great, it’s too embarrassing, he deserved exactly what he got with my unfaithfulness, it happened so long ago (remember that your husband just found out the affair(s), I’m not that same person, etc. You gave up all rights to keeping some affair details a secret when you decided to save the marriage and regain your husband’s trust. By not being completely honest about the affair, you’re still living a cloak-and-dagger lie. You hurt your husband greatly with your affair(s). Please don’t hurt him even more by throwing him fairy tale stories. I suggest that prayer is helpful (it couldn’t hurt) during times of turmoil and pain. Also, a professional counselor is a crucial agent in guiding your path to psychological wellness.
Anna M., I expect that by this time your question has been resolved one way or the other. You may never see this message, but hopefully you’ll feel its intended mission. That mission is to motivate you to live an honest life and to find inner peace. You and your husband both deserve to be happy. My ultimate goal in answering your query is to provide others readers with some constructive healing guidelines. You’ll probably never forget the affair, but you can learn to forgive and have a joyful future.
As you may have guessed, I am a man who has experienced the grief of his wife’s infidelity. I am a work in progress who petitions for your success and happiness in life.

written by awake in miami, 16 August, 2012

There is nothing worse than knowing something happened and not being acknowledged. My wife took away the most wonderful aspect of my personality. I trusted, I valued, I believed in true love, and now I have a bad feeling towards all women. I must say I’m happy because no one will ever get close to my heart and that in it self is security I must say...

written by mitter69, 05 September, 2012

after nearly 47 years of marriage, and four children, I just used classmates to track down her old high school boyfriend. Guess what? He lives in the city she spends a lot of time in "working."

written by Rob21, 24 December, 2012

I was married for 2 months and I found out my wife was cheating with a man in jail
Giving him money sending love letters