Past Comments – My girlfriend lied to me about her ex

Comments (8)

written by MiMi, 06 January, 2009
Without providing more context as to where you were when these exes were introduced to you as "friends", it is difficult to say whether she was just being polite (introducing two people) or whether she was being deceptive (deliberately bringing exes into _your_ life.)

It seems to me that your standards are very rigid and I would not be surprised if she were wondering if you were the right guy for her. Her infraction is not having a terrible relationship with ex-boyfriends and that suggests that they’re all big people who can move on without animosity more than it suggests that she’s a liar who wants to hide her past relationships from you.

If she’s not maintaining ongoing and deliberate contact with these guys, I’d let it go. If they’re in her wider circle, maybe you’d have to ask her to leave all of her friends, too, in order that you feel secure. She’d have to be crazy to do that. It isn’t atypical of someone who will end up being abusive for them to isolate a SO from friends.

Your need for control sounds excessive.

Heck, I’m a jealous, insecure person. But I accept that everyone has a past and sometimes those in the past are actually nice people that you just don’t throw away because the relationship didn’t work out.
written by RichC, 28 January, 2010
I am in a similar situation. When my girlfriend and I got together she had a close friend that I was introduced to. I accepted him as that. when we finally moved in together she came to me and assured me that they had always only been friends and that they had never thought of each other in a sexual way. after living together for a while I found out that this was all a lie and that they had a sexual relationship over a period of more than a year. I gave her many opportunities to come clean with it but still the lie persisted. when I eventually let it all out she claimed that she had put that part of her life behind her. the problem is that they still see each other all the time, now just behind my back, she claims that they are just friends... this is hard to accept and for those reasons, even though I love her so much. I am now calling it quits and asking her to move out of my house. what gets me the most is that she knows how I feel about those issues as my ex wife had cheated on me and so had her ex husband
written by OF, 11 July, 2010
Rich good for you. Way to go. Kick her out.
written by Jomomma, 17 August, 2010
This is such BS advice.. The woman BETRAYS him and you tell him he’s controlling? What your credentials? Crack Jack box? They AGREED on the boundary... flipped around what would she say? Oh hell yeah.. introduce me to all your whores! Yip fricken eee... cmon.. Dude, dump the attention whore. I just went thru this same stuff to a lesser degree.. my (our) boundary: no hanging out alone with people you’ve been intimate with.. my gf looked me in the eye and told me she was going to dinner with a guy.. I asked if it was a previous boyfriend and she said no... she lied and I knew it for reasons I wont get into.. she later admitted it.. I dumped her ass because she is a damn attention whore. Its called BETRAYAL.

written by Eric Cash, 11 November, 2010
Good choice man, that whore deserved it. Whatever these therapists went to school for to tell you is BS. Everyone is different and deals with issues differently. You laid the truth out in the beginning and she lied to you. And I believe she would have told someone in a bar that she is single for drinks! I’ve lost some of the best because of timing, but I was honest about myself. I have also been done over by some hotties. Men and women are a lot alike. We are both whores. Men are permitted to sleep around more though. I think that trend is reversing more and more. Women eventually find a way to be right about everything. Dude, good job by sticking to your guns. Girls are evil liars. I say that because I have never cheated on a woman. You have to stick to your guns until it feels good. That goes for everyone. Male or Female. AGAIN, SCREW THAT WHORE BRO!!
written by nicenthic, 15 October, 2011
I feel bad for you man. It really sucks that you had it right in the first place and let this scum of a woman change the way you do things. Revert back to the what you did before you "got serious" with her. In the future, date a girl for at least 1-2 years before you allow yourself to get emotionally attached to her. Only if you know she’s worthy of it. In that time, feel free to bang as many chicks on the side as you want to.

Also, you could have played this a lot better even once you found out that she lied to you about her friends being exes. What you should have done and will do in the future if something like this happens is very simple. Tell her that you are sad that she lied to you. Then drop the issue and just say that you expect her to keep a good distance from them. After that, remove your emotions from her, the best way is to sleep with other girls. You’ll find that you don’t care about what or who she does anymore! And she will feel that indifference very soon. This will make her more attached to you than anything else you can do. But now you don’t trust her. So keep using her as a regular lay while you go out and find younger and better lays.

Men have been born with the innate ability to keep sex separate from our emotions. Most girls do not have this ability. Once you have sex with a girl, she starts heavily investing herself in you. But it’s up to you to keep your emotions well guarded when dealing with sluts. For most semi-intelligent blokes who’ve had at least some action in his life, this is quite easy to do. But it’s not so easy for a young guy with his first few lays. This is when he might put his heart and soul into a bad apple (read: slut). He will get burned and then learn from it.

The real morons are the guys who don’t learn and invest themselves again in a another slut and possibly marry her. Then they lose a lot more than their hurt feelings – they could be stuck with alimony, child support and even a lost house. Now that’s a lesson they wont forget!

Learn some game theory and see how your mindset changes completely. You will be in power and every girl will just be another social experiment and possibly another conquest when you get good at it. You will understand women better than you can possibly imagine and use this new-found power to your benefit socially and in your personal life.
written by Bootsontheroad, 25 January, 2012
The problem with not telling the truth is that it usually comes out sooner or later. Therefore, following your advice as to the situation puts the person in a position to protect themselves, lie, leads to the same end. What I have found in these situations the person that is introducing a former partner, is taking the easy way at the time rather than live up to the agreed boundary. I also believe that omission is not a lie but deceit. A willful act to deceive some one for either convenience or gain.
written by no name needed., 28 March, 2012
My girlfriend just recently did this. Told me she wanted to remain friends with her ex to keep the peace. Said she had never really had bad break ups. However, this guy cheated on her and flaunt other woman in her face.
Yet she tells me that she still wants to be cool with him.
He was texting her and calling her. I asked her had she spoken with him since we’ve been together. She lied and told me no. I didn’t feel right about her answer so, a few weeks go
By and I asked her again but this time, she gave me a different answer. She told me, yes he called me but I didn’t know how to tell you he called. She said, I didn’t know how you would react to me telling you the truth. I would have reacted respectfully because, she was honest in telling me the truth. But I later on find out that, they both had been texting and talking with each other. I told her that I was leaving, she cried and cried telling me how badly she wanted me to stay, that she would ended the contact with her ex right away that, I was more important to her then her past was. Long story short, I forgave her and decided to giver another chance. She wanted to work at gaining my trust again so I stayed. Two years go by and she hadn’t her from her ex no phone calls no text messages, or at least thats what she claimed. Then wham!!!! Out of the blue dude called her and texted her. Something told me to ask her about her ex because she had been acting sort of strange around the house. She was stand off-ish, not as affectionate as before things where kind of strange. Then one day, she was really really happy and smiley for some strange reason, I couldn’t put my finger on the extreme spurts of happiness all of a sudden. But, something told me to ask her about her ex so I did. It was two years since we had the issue about him before so I asked just to see what I would get. I asked so babe, if I asked you a question how honest would you be to me? And she said, 100%. I said even if it hurts would you tell me the truth? She said yes. So I said, when was the last time you heard from your ex? And she said, this past Friday. My heart skipped ten beats, it was Wednesday and she had never said a word to me about it. This was the reason for her being extra happy around the house. After being stand off and distant she had become up beat and smiley all of a sudden. So I asked her, how long this has been going on? She. said not long that, he just called her and she didn’t know the number, she answered the phone and it was him. She told me that they had talked on her drive home from work. I remember that day because, it look like she had been crying. It didn’t dawn on until after she had confessed to his calling. I was hurt beyond words. She again wanted to work it out. But this was already twice that she kept secrets from me. It seems like its too easy for her to hide little things from me. Apparently this guy hasten telling my girlfriend that, he’s never going to stop trying to get her back. I asked her, did she tell him that she easing a relationship with someone. She told me yes she had told him. I said so why is he still calling. There must be something that your not saying to him to have him thinking that there is still a chance between you to. She assured me that she said nothing to cause him to believe that. But, in my heart I don’t believe her. She ripened that she wasn’t going to change her phone number because, she has had the same number for too many years and, she didn’t want to start over with a new one. This guy has been texting and calling her weekly now. And all she says is, I don’t respond I just ignore his calls and his text he’ll get the point and stop calling she says. But, I’m done the trust that I once had for her is over. She knew how I felt about trust and honesty and for her to be the to destroy it after knowing how I felt about it, was a complete slap in my face. I believe deep down she wants to rekindle something with the guy who once cheated on her. She forgave him and believes that he has changed. But, he has a girlfriend and a new baby, but she believes he’s changed. Once a cheater always a cheater. IT’S OVER!!!!!

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