How do I trust my partner again?

My partner and I have been together 3 1/2 years. He had been going through a rough time at work with bullying and harassment last year. He chose drugs (amphetamines/speed) to help cope. He was in a downward spiral. He ended up engaging in sexual relations with a prostitute. It had been a fantasy of his.

Now he’s been clean for almost a year but I cannot trust him. I always think he is lying. He is leaving for 3 days to visit a friend and I just dontrust him. I am considering ending the relationship because I’m not sure how to heal and trust him. How does one learn to trust again?

Response:

As you know all too well, using amphetamines/speed leads to super destructive tendencies, including sexual behavior.

At the 3 to 4 year mark, many people experience doubts about their relationships. Intense feelings of love and novelty start to wear off at this time and most people start to reevaluate their relationship with a clearer mind.

It might be helpful to consider the following: In past relationships, do you have trouble trusting others? If so, when does this lack of trust start? At the beginning, after a major betrayal, or at the 3 to 4 year mark?

If you are a very trusting person and haven’t experienced these issues in the past, then you might want to give your feelings strong consideration. Our feelings help protect us and keep us safe.

However, if you have had trust issues in other relationships, it might be worth trying to work things out. This may just be another instance of how you generally relate to a romantic partner (see, truth about attachment). If this is the case, best to face this challenge head on (see, rebuilding trust), even if it doesn’t work out in the long run.

Simply put, if this is a repeating problem for you in your relationships, try to work through it. If this is a new and unique feeling, it might be wise to listen to it.

 cheating boyfriend | end of relationship | trust issues

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