Past Comments – How do I know if I'm a pathological or compulsive liar

it’s very hard to stop
written by pantsonfire, 04 March, 2007

I think I am a compulsive liar. I don’t lie to hurt people or to gain advantages for personal motives. I don’t lie to maliciously slander others, but I DO lie habitually and comfortably at most occasions of discourse. At the time answer a question or tell a story, I instantly find something completely false to say, and as I say it, I believe it myself while at the same time I know I’m lying, and I’m careful in my words and expression that no one can refute it. It’s not even apparent to me that I’m lying when I do it. I’m trying to stop, but I only catch myself and refrain from lying almost never. It seems to have become a comfort habit that happens on an unconscious level. Later on that day, I will realize that what I said was a total lie, and I will feel very horrible. I hate the fact that I can’t seem to stop. I’m hanging above a constant web weaved of intricate lies; I stay suspended and untangled. And the worst part, is that I’m so good at it, that I’m sure no one knows it. BUT SOMEONE HAS TO. Maybe they’re just not calling me out, and that’s why I’m writing this. IF YOU KNOW SOMEONE WHO LIES OFTEN, TELL THEM YOU KNOW THE TRUTH! PLEASE TELL THEM. They need it. They certainly won’t thank you right away, and it will be weird and they’ll probably deny it, but keep telling them they are lying. Look into their stories. Research and refute. It’ll be hard work, compulsive liars can shade over just about anything. You have no idea how much i want to be in a public place where everyone I’ve ever known is there, and I would just clear my throat and ask for everyone’s attention and say "I am a liar, I lie, please help me get better, I want to be better, and I don’t think I can do it alone. Please don’t hate them for lying, just understand that it’s almost like an addiction. Confront them and if they seem remorseful JUMP AT THE CHANCE TO HELP. Even if it’s just a hug and a whisper. Many people lie constantly each and every day and go home either not realizing it or knowing and feeling like shit about it. God knows I have.

liar
written by This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it , 08 April, 2007

interesting.... my husband lies about everything particularly money and we are not going to make it if it doesn’t stop. How can someone who is an honest person (me) stoop so low to be with someone who belittles me by constant lies. It’s hard to make a liar understand what they do to those who love them the most. I feel sorry for him and our three children, for they will suffer the most in this situation. I don’t know if I have what it takes to help him anymore, I feel like I need to help and protect myself and my children from the hurt that I feel.

written by OhNoItZaNgGii3, 19 April, 2007

Wow. I thought I was the only one that lies for no reason. My boyfriend and I have the best relationship but when it comes to talking about the past. I just can??t tell the truth. I always lie and that is why I am here today. We just broke up because I finally told him the truth. Now my boyfriend does not trust me. I love him so much I want everything to go right. Well, now that I??ve come to this site and read everything and now I??m going to go to counseling. I want to thank everyone for sharing cause now I feel not so alone.

written by compulsive, 27 April, 2007

I can’t help it sometimes. I don’t even realize I’m doing it sometimes (or believe it myself) and I don’t do it to hurt anyone. I’m too scared to tell anyone the truth. Is there a way to change without confronting the things in the past?

written by onrylilsht, 03 June, 2007

pantsonfire – you are dreaming if you think we are all too dumb to not see the lies. It really irks me for a liar to think I am so dumb I have no clue they are lying.

written by learning tounderstand, 18 June, 2007

I thank you all for being brave enough to write your feelings. I have a younger sister and could not understand why she felt she needed to lie even when I had the evidence in front of her she would still lie... By reading your stories and a few articles I feel better equipped to be able to help her while she is young and let her know she is not alone.

written by Liars Mom, 06 July, 2007

I just took the house keys away from my son, the liar. I told him he is not welcome in my house due to his lying. The most recent lie that I heard he told was to his girlfriend. "He was born prematurely and only has 15% function of one of his kidneys." This from a man who "won 3 National Collegiate Wrestling Championships." (Honestly, he was born perfectly healthy within 10 days of his due date, and has never attended a day of college and has not wrestled since Jr High) It makes a mother so proud...

written by Uncontrollable, 16 July, 2007

This page has helped me so much. I lie and know it’s a lie when I say it, but I repeat it so many times it becomes the truth to me. I just lost the only person I ever loved because I can’t control myself. I don’t think everyone believes me. As a matter of fact I know who people who don’t and that doesn’t matter. I still Do it. I don’t know what to do to change it, but I will try. And hopefully succeed.

written by lost love, 18 August, 2007

I just had my heart broken by a compulsive/pathological liar. I have always prided myself in being honest. Turns out he lied about his job, past and a ton of stupid little things that don’t even matter. He felt so guilty, that he just upped and left one day. He has asked for my forgiveness which I gave him, but not to ease his guilt. I realize that I can never trust this person again. I wasn’t going to contact him again, but after reading about liars and reading your comments I’m going to suggest he get help. Then, I’m going to have to walk away. Even though the man I fell in love with wasn’t real, the emotions that we both felt were. This is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. He lost the only person he’d been in love with, but maybe that’s what it took to change. Good luck to all of us.

written by Annamia, 22 August, 2007

I reacquainted myself with someone I knew from High School. He told me this incredible story about a broken and shattered prior marriage and "losing" his son. The more I’ve been around him the more I catch lies between what he originally said and what I have learned. He keeps memorabilia from this past relationship, emails sent back and forth over 5 or 6 years, journals and letters he stole from his ex, and I couldn’t resist reading them and seeing her interpretation of their life. Between that and an "old friend" of his that visited recently I have a pretty clear picture of this man as a pathological liar. The first night the friend arrived I laid in bed and listened to him tell one lie after another to this friend. When I asked him about this story he was telling he simply said it was done to get his friends interpretation of this story he was sharing. A couple of days later the friend and I sat comparing notes and arrived at the same conclusion. In my case I think this man knows he’s been discovered and is planning on leaving rather that deal with his lying. I read a previous comment someone had written about her boyfriends response when confronted and in my case it comes down to a long answer that never is an answer or just silence. It’s hard to see what a person could be, most of us would give anything to have his level of education and skills, and yet watch it all thrown away in a series of lies.

written by ms kim, 02 September, 2007

I really want to say it is wonderful to hear you say that I need to confront a liar. My ex- husband to be soon, has a huge problem with lying and I actually had to tape record all phone conversations to prove that he was lying about everything. He and his girlfriend used my credit cards, my name, everything. He is truly a compulsive liar and has been the whole time we were married and I caught him over and over and now through the divorce I have to tape record because he says I am crazy. He manipulates and all. I can’t stand it, but I know he is incapable of changing and has a mental problem that I cannot handle or even try to deal with, I tried for 14 years and took beatings, drank with him, and his cheating, lying, stealing and everything. I really have to figure it out because he is teaching our children.

written by shattered627, 27 September, 2007

After nearly 3 and a half years of trying to help my boyfriend confront his problem with lying, I again, was fooled into thinking he would change. I don’t know if professional help can really get someone over being a liar, I haven’t had the respect to see him try.

Over time, the lies have gotten bigger and worse until finally last night I discovered a terrible lie. At first, when the lies began, I would take his word that he wouldn’t let it happen again. And now, I’m the fool who believed it one to many times. I’m the one who is sitting here feeling this way because of his choices...

It’s just not fair. I wish they could have even the slightest inkling as to how a lying partner makes the other person feel. Karma better play a role in this, because it’s NOT FAIR!

written by..., 01 October, 2007

I HAD a friend... she was one of my best friends, and she is a pathological liar... we lived an hour away for 6 years so it never really bothered me that much, I just didn’t give any importance to what she was saying until i had the proof that it was true. But recently we decided to move to a different city together for the summer. I thought it would be cool, but I quickly realized that her lies are out of control, she manipulates every single person she talks to, when confronted she throws temper tantrums and always ends up getting her way. She lies about EVERYTHING... even the most simple things, things that you don’t need to lie about, no one can trust her or take her word for anything. And she hurt me so much.... I don’t even know if she can be helped, it is truly ridiculous. I agree with the person who commented above... hopefully Karma will play a role in this.

written by Hannah, 10 October, 2007

I am a compulsive liar!!! Everything I say is a lie

written by Marcie, 26 October, 2007

My sister is a compulsive/pathological liar. I am not trained in the science so I don’t know which one; but I do know that having her in the family is like have our own walking, breathing "cancer". She lives a fairy tale and she wants to make sure that everyone participates in her fantasy. I was becoming sick with trying to keep a relationship with her. I stopped trying one day, after hearing another lie from her. My siblings always told me to pray for her or to keep loving her and she would probably come out of it. I can’t do it any longer. I confronted her through an email that I addressed to all of my siblings at once, so that everyone will get the same information at the same time and not have to hear any lies. I told her that I wanted to be left alone and that I knew that she lied to everyone and that I thought that she needed help. She sent us all an email in response. I was told that she used a lot of profanity in telling me where I could go. I did not read her email nor did I respond because I did not do it to cause a family feud. I wanted her to know that we are aware of her lying habit. I don’t regret what I did and I now feel free. I think that she should have been told years ago.

written by Alison, 05 November, 2007

So it has been established that there are a lot of liars out there, but I’d like to know, what is the best course of action for a compulsive liar who is aware of his lying and wants to stop it? Therapy? What kind? Thanks to anyone who can offer some wisdom on this.

written by Tad, 05 November, 2007

Hi Alison,

Compulsive lying is difficult to treat because there different causes for it. Compulsive lying can be due to habit, overwhelming need for approval, or a personality disorder. Effective treatment requires addressing the underlying cause. Working with a counselor or therapist who has experience treating compulsive lying is the best option available.

written by Decepticon, 07 November, 2007

I’m really impressed with this website. And it was interesting reading through everyones comments above. I’m starting to realize that I fall under the pathological side, and I’m having a hard time with that fact. You see, I’m in a long painful process of losing the woman I love as well and you guessed it... due in most part to lying.

I lied and lied and lied. I lied about lies and lied to cover up all of those lies. I would give false pretenses that I was coming clean, only to lie worse than the original lie. I can look back on it and realize the complete ridiculousness. To think about some of the things I lied about, it just doesn’t make any sense.

I’ve done a lot of soul searching over the last couple of weeks. I can say that it probably started with me wanting to live up to my parents expectations. They were either completely blind, or weren’t mature enough in my youth to deal with it head on and just assumed it was a phase I was going through. Well between then and now, it’s just become completely ingrained in my psyche. What started as a bad defense mechanism for dealing with low self-esteem, has carried on for so long now that I’m actually a reasonably happy person. But it’s all a facade. I just haven’t admitted it to myself yet.

written by nicknev, 30 November, 2007

I am a liar. A compulsive and pathological one in the same being. Shattered627, I hope you haven’t given up. I have caused this pain you speak of and the feeling I have inside is so bad, it just cannot truly be expressed in words. I would lie to hide from my emotions and I eventually began to believe that some of the lie I would say were reality (someone else mentioned this too). I have come to grips with my problem and the original question asked took the words out of my mouth. I am sorry for my lies K and the pain. Nick

written by just want to stop, 06 December, 2007

I’ve faced this week, maybe for the first time in my life, a problem that I’ve ignored for years... a problem I’ve simply denied or ignored as a "problem" at all. But now that I’ve grown close to someone who is intuitive enough to catch on to the seemingly meaningless pointless lies that come out of my mouth every day, my relationship that means the world to me may be in jeopardy and that scares me enough to face myself... I lie for no reason about things that don’t matter. Not to hurt anyone or manipulate situations or to get attention, but just out of habit I think, compulsively. The root of it may have been something more significant and I’m searching my life and memories for how it may have started... When I lie I don’t even realize I’m doing it most of the time. In fact reality and lies blur in my head, I sometimes question real events like I have to recall that I lied about something and think about what really happened or didn’t. I have to get to the bottom of why I do this. I have to stop. it’s not too noticeable from the outside because I don’t lie about big things so to speak. If I do I’m very aware and I always feel guilty when I think about my lying. My little inconsequential lies have over time made more elaborate lies easier to tell and thats BAD, again only when it "doesn’t matter" like calling into work or or getting out of something trivial or avoiding a pointless lecture or criticism... I’m so good at it. I can make up complicated scenarios on the spot with ease if need be, but most of the time its little stupid things. I lie even when the truth would have been perfectly sufficient and theres no reason not to tell the truth... the problem is I feel terrible. I generally think of myself as being a good and honest person. They say your word is all you have. When I tell the truth about important things my lover doubts what I say and its so frustrating and painful. I don’t want to confess that I think I may be a compulsive liar and destroy my relationship or any chance of trust. Do I have to confess to anyone but myself to change? I think I need to get help, counseling or something to help get to the root of why and hopefully stop. My heart goes out to everyone who understands this struggle. Thank you for your comments. Its good at least to know I’m not alone.

written by Margaretlynn, 02 February, 2008

I just ended a long friendship with a pathological liar and it is difficult because she lives across the way/street from me and gives me dirty looks every time she sees me outside.

I try hard to ignore her, her anger at my confronting her and ending the friendship is so nasty, so far she hasn’t said anything to me but sometimes I can’t help but wonder if she couldn’t be a danger to me.

I had never known anyone like this in my life so it took me awhile to figure out that she was one big walking, talking liar.

My personal opinion is that if anyone knows that they know a pathological liar and still insist on being friends with that person then you are a much bigger person than I am.

I have read up on it so that hopefully I will be able to know if anyone has this issue in their life so that if they do I can get the hell away from them....PDQ !!!!

written by simplyconcerned, 03 February, 2008

It was very nice to know about this website. I read a lot of comments and I’m very thankful to have more informations about it. I was getting into this site because I wanted to find out what happened to a friend who always lied.And now I find out she was a pathological liar comparing what the information tells about and my experience from her and even from friends I have talked to. Ever since I was going with her I did not remember that she never talk without lies.It was too bad for me because sometimes I feel like a part of it when she tried to used my name as a witness in front of somebody she talked with that all of a sudden I can just say "yes"even without any confirmation. I don’t know if it is right to interrupt her telling lies by denying if she will try to used me but I don’t want her to feel ashamed in front of somebody. Its been few months for me to observe her and thought it was only a co-incident to hear lies from her but I find out when she tells one story to me and it was very different when she tells it to my friend.And exaggerate simple happenings... I really have a hard time to trust and attached to her because of his wrong doings. In fact, I was about to keep away from her because I really can’t understand why she’s been doing it. But it would be unfair if I will not tell her what is wrong. So I guess I have to do something about it... Can I have some good ideas how to handle this? I have plans but it would be very nice to have from you especially those who had experienced...

written by lovefish16, 21 April, 2008

Today, I told my boyfriend that I have lied about many things to him. I never thought I was a compulsive lier, I just knew that lies seemed to always be coming out of my mouth. Now that I have done some research, I am sure I am a compulsive lier. I lie out of habit and mainly about my past. My boyfriend is the only one I have told and I know I need to tell others. I am so scared that I won’t be able to stop and that I am to good of a liar for people to tell. He says he is there for me and I am so incredibly great full, I’ve been crying about it all day. I feel like he can still trust me with important things, and that this shouldn’t change our relationship, only make it better in the long run. Most importantly all my good qualities that he is falling in love with aren’t effected and I am going to improve myself, whether I can do that by myself or am going to need help, I am going to stop. I know this because the only reason for me lying is myself-no childhood secrets or repressions – I am just insecure and scared. AND I AM GOING TO MAKE MYSELF BETTER. And I am so happy I found this website, this is helping me so much. Thank you.

written by the doctor, 03 June, 2008

THIS IS AN INSANE TRUE STORY, MORE INSANE THAN ALL THE LIES:
My freshman year of college, one of my best friends at school turned out to be a compulsive liar and a thief... possibly a sociopath/schizophrenic. She is probably going to jail now for grand larceny, identity theft, impersonating police officers, and a few other smaller charges/felonies. AND all these charges are against our other friends, she stole money from us and pretended to be us and cops. It’s all incredibly intricate and hard to explain without having experienced it, after all she is a brilliant compulsive liar. On top of all this, we all lived together in a five person suite. Basically my entire freshman year was a lie. She literally lied about almost everything, even stupid things that didn’t matter. One of her acquaintances from high school also went to college with us and I became really close with him... when she finally got arrested for this theft that’d be going on all year, I talked to him about things she told us about her past. Lies. I’ve never experienced this before, though I do have experience with addicts, and reading this site has made more clear what her problem really is. What I mean is she blamed it all on a drug addiction, which I never really believed. (That’s how I stumbled on this website.) But my experience with drug addicts in my life made it incredibly hard to believe this story, regardless of the fact that it was obviously a lie since even the facts of the story ITSELF didn’t add up. But she does have an addiction, it’s just not drugs. Now she isn’t going to get the help she really needs. I’m not sure what to do or if I even want to do anything... none of us have talked to her at all since she was arrested, partially because we were advised not to by our detective. I just can’t believe she might get off with this drug addiction story when her real problem is lying and spending. Does anyone have any opinions on this?

written by used and confused, 28 July, 2008

I have just ended a relationship with someone I now know is a pathological liar. Up until a month and a half ago, things seemed fine aside from an increasing distance I began to feel between us. Suddenly, he completely cut off all contact with me and I could no longer get a hold of him at all. I was worried sick because I was sure something bad had happened to him---it was completely out of character for him not to call me. In desperation, I contacted one of his friends and asked if he was okay and what was going on. He informed me that the guy I loved and had been having a relationship with was a pathological liar. He has had another girl friend all this time he was with me and had lied about me to his friends. I discovered through his friend that there are countless amounts of lies he has told me right from the start.

I made an attempt to contact his "girl friend" to warn her about the guy she was with, but she didn’t want to hear it. I can only assume he has manipulated her the way he manipulated me (ie. telling her that he has a "crazy" ex). I am so hurt, confused and most of all pissed off that this has happened to me. I treated him extremely well and invited him into my life only to be made a fool of. I feel stupid for believing him and trusting him. There is nothing left to do but just move on. There is no rationale in insanity.

I realize that this is a mental disorder that requires professional attention and I hope that he, and everyone on this site gets the necessary help. One day you will hurt the wrong person and they may turn to negative outlets to heal the pain or even worse take their own life. I, however, am stronger than that...I fear the next girl he preys upon won’t be so lucky.

written by Lullu, 03 August, 2008

I lied a little here and there teeny lies that didn’t matter to me. When I was confronted with the truth I wasn’t even sorry because my little lies never hurt anyone or upset anyone. The biggest lie told to me was by my ex finacee who SWORE that he loved me SWORE that he’d never hurt me and that was the biggest lie from someone who goes on and on about how important the truth is. The truth is only important if you make it. Someone’s lie is another person’s reality. Lying about your age, your academic qualifications and achievements are sometimes even encouraged in the society we live in and it would seem that the most cruel of lies , the most damning and hurtful of lies is always encouraged by those who feel they have been victims of liars that is the lie that they LOVE you. My fiancee NEVER loved me otherwise he wouldn’t have lied so easily about it and that is the hardest lie to swallow not some stupid lie like age, or where you’re from. People place TOO much emphasis on things like that it’s pathetic. You should always tell the truth about YOUR feelings and the rest will follow.

written by IneedHeLp, 19 January, 2009

I know that for the longest time it has been a problem for me but just recently have I truly taken the time to think about it. Telling the truth about something you have already lied about is HARD!!!!! Knowing that you are a liar is even harder. The current relationship I am in seems to be failing and I want it to work. I know that if I were to make a change then I would make things better. The anger and fear of being caught should make me feel like I should tell the truth but then again it feels like I cant because the truth might hurt too much. I have told her the truth about a lot of things the problem is when you are suppose to come clean about everything you cant ever remember what it was that you lied about in the first place. I make you want to die on the inside. Seriously if my life cant change and I lose my significant other then I am going to be devastated and have no one to blame but myself and knowing that makes me angry all over again.

written by tootiefrootie, 26 February, 2009

I was a compulsive liar until a little more than a month ago when my boyfriend confronted me. I had been lying to him for the 20 months that we’d been living together, about little and BIG things. You see, before we met in person, we used to talk on the phone and on the internet and he told me he never had a girlfriend but after we met and moved in together, I gradually found out he did have a girlfriend and that led me, a compulsive liar who was trying to change just go back to my old ways. I loved him and wanted him for myself but realized he was not going to leave her so easily so I made a conscious decision to lie to him in order to protect myself. After all, I never wanted to commit to someone who was not committed to me. And yes, his girl knows we live together and she seems quite fine...I really don’t understand the relationship they have. It’s weird but anyway....

I started having an online relationship with another man and my boyfriend would say things to me like, ‘be careful’ or ask me, ‘would you ever cheat on me?’ and I assured him I’d not but I went ahead and slept with the man I met on the internet, and somehow my boyfriend found out. I was so ashamed and I felt like it was the end of the world. Even though I was angry with him for having a girlfriend before me and continuing the relationship after being with me, I still felt guilty because I was not woman enough to tell him I was cheating. The thing is, I don’t feel completely secure with him. I always think he’s going to run off and leave me though he always assures me he’s not going anywhere even if he has that other woman...

But anyway, I ended my affair. I really am sorry for what I did to my boyfriend and I have done some deep thinking. This type of relationship is not ideal, but I love him and I have high hopes for the future. I have made the decision though, no matter what, that I will stop lying. It just does not make sense. Now, when I tell the truth, it feels strange and I have to try hard sometimes not to lie about little things, but it makes my conscience light when I tell the truth (because I believe in God too but that’s another story).

Long and short, I think compulsive liars can change. It is up to us to acknowledge our habits and make the decision to change...if not for ourselves alone, then for the people whom we have hurt.

written by abramlett, 12 October, 2009

wow! see that i’m in good company. i have basically lied about my entire "past" i have no family and have "invented" this entire extended family that no one can verify...little by little i have been "killing" them off

written by defzlet, 02 November, 2009

You seem to have remorse, and are concerned about your behavior. All liars are manipulative, some simply are not aware that their actions are manipulative. I personally love to lie, I enjoy the way deception provokes reaction. I think the difference really between someone like myself and a compulsive liar, is that compulsive liars tend to hide behind their lies because they lack self confidence or a well established identity. This is in contrast to someone like me, who is self confident with a stable identity using direct lies and shades of the truth to gain control over the actions of others.

written by Eeon, 12 June, 2010

My lying has probably cost me my marriage. When I met my wife I had also been talking to another girl whom was out of the country at the time. We hit it off, and started dating exclusively and then when the other girl came home, I was torn between the two, needless to say I made some mistakes, 2 to be exact! In the end of all that I had realized that what I had done what a complete mistake and hid it from her...then soon after my wife and I got married. She had a hunch that some things had went on but we both swept them under the rug because she thought I wouldn’t have done something like that. Well about 6 months in to the marriage I was deployed and things came full circle and not knowing was driving her crazy, but I had already dug my hole too deep to come out now...so we fought over and over and just about a month ago I finally came clean because we were getting nowhere and she thought she was the one with the problem, when in fact it was me...Now she feels that everything we had was a lie, that I never loved her, which is the furthest thing from the truth. All I wanted was this issue behind us and to be able to move on with our lives and I wet about it the wrong ways, plus she also says she probably wouldn’t have married me knowing what she knows now...we are going to go to counseling but her anger and confusion about me is pretty bad, and I’m seeing a psychiatrist to try and resolve my personal issues with facing the truths about myself...are there any other suggestions on how I can fix this relationship, I know I haven’t been fair to her but I want to make it up to her in the biggest way and not have to end our marriage...

written by Just ‘Me’, 01 January, 2011

It is New Years Day – yes a fresh new start for most folks. I experienced one of the worst New years eves of my entire life last night – my life partner say’s that he cannot trust me and that I am a liar. I don’t see this and actually he is so cautious with me that there are many times that he has made wrong judgment about me and my activities. More than Lie I tend to avoid issues – and swerve from the truth or committing to a final answer to questions or situations. I guess I try to make things just disappear but they don’t and won’t and will re-surface again and again and with ore force than the time before. Being deceptive in any nature will ruin a relationship – no trust – no relationship – I learned the hard way as many of you. Counseling will help me in the new year, I don’t feel that this is a lost cause and can get help and want it. God bless you all – Happy New Year and get the help you need because you are worth it and should be happy.

written by sezzie, 14 January, 2011

I don’t know what to do i suffer with borderline personality disorder and recently i told a really big lie and dint know how to stop it so i carried it on and i feel horrible i just wanna put it all right and can’t and now i got found out and lost my best friend in the world she hates me i just wanna be a normal person who can be happy and doesn’t feel so insecure where feel i have to lie to keep a friendship Im soo depressed over it please someone tell me how i can make things right and get help xx thanks sezzie

written by Juliiiaaa, 24 April, 2011

Its really annoying and frustrating to me that I am a compulsive liar and I feel like no body understands. I’m a hardcore christian teenager and I am training to be a pastor but I feel like my lying is holding me back and it depresses me. I broke up with my boyfriend who understands that I won’t get back into a relationship with him until I’m healed and I have been praying and trying everything and nothing is happening it sad, and I really want to get back with my boyfriend I don’t want to hurt him and he’s always been my side

written by udontevenknow, 14 June, 2011

LiarsMom, I think you need to talk to your son as opposed to punishing him. He may have an actual problem and kicking him out isn’t going to change that. It’s like kicking someone out for being OCD. If he has a serious problem, it’s a lot harder than just saying "I’m not going to lie anymore" It takes a lot of work and willpower that many people just don’t have. Often when people lie often about seemingly random or grandiose things, they don’t notice until after they’ve done it. They believe it just like the person they’re telling believes it. Ask yourself this, "Does he lie for personal gain?" If not, your son probably has a serious problem that has little to do with his morality and you should help him seek the help he needs.

written by udontevenknow, 14 June, 2011

Onrylilsht, that’s not really what pantsonfire was saying. They said even though no one seems to know, SOMEONE MUST HAVE PICKED UP ON IT. Maybe in your apparent situation, you did figure it out. The question now becomes did you use the information to help the liar or hurt them?

written by gettingdesperate, 20 July, 2011

I’ve been lying forever, and trying to get over it is hard. Recently, I’ve really been trying to figure out why I lie – because some of the lies I come up with are outrageously stupid. I moved around a lot as a child, and think I started lying because of that – trying to make myself seem "cooler" by falsifying things to make friends – who I eventually lost because of the lying. I have really started to hate myself. I haven’t wanted to be in a relationship for years because my lying, I feel like I need to isolate myself from my family because I feel like a disease to them. The only person I have ever come clean about lying to is my best friend, who doesn’t even realize how awful my compulsive lying has gotten. I need help, I want help, and I don’t know where to get it. I don’t know how to find a therapist who can help my compulsive lying and the serious depression that’s come with it. I need to stop.

written by Rich20, 27 July, 2011

I have been lying forever and yesterday it finally got to a point where it all blew up in my face. It seems like I lie about everything from what year my car is to where I was actually born. I have created these lies to enhance the image of who I am and realized that all this is for selfish reasons. My lying has become so intense that I may have lost the 1 person who really means the most to me in this world. I don’t understand what is wrong with me. I can be in the middle of a conversation with a person and because he/she says something I have to make up a story to sound just as interesting. The real problem is that I have been doing this so long I have actually found myself believing some of these lies then stopping and realizing that I made it all up. It is hard to be called a liar and be caught up in a lie, becuase my natural instinct is to try to lie my way out of it. why do I do this? Why can’t I just say yes you caught me I made that up or yes I lied about that. I set an appt to see a therapist about this today. I really hope that my relationship can get through this. GOD is the only one that knows I’m telling the truth here. I really want to be a better person an HONEST person.

written by getmeout, 10 August, 2011

i think iam a compulsive liar. i lie about such small details and i exaggerate everything, ive noticed i do it to try and make my story more interesting than the last person that was talking. i lie even more online – once on a chatroom i invented a whole new person who lived in australia. its out of control and i need help. please can someone give me a help website, lying is ruining my life.

written by SpeakNoEvil, 28 October, 2011

My ex-friend would tell elaborate stories, whose truths were arguable. I’d catch him in tiny glitches when he’d mention the same notion twice. When confronted, he would get offended (presuming I am calling him a liar) when all I projected is that I want elaboration.

Typically, he has 3 non-valid defenses:
1: You’re the liar.
2: You’re making a big deal out of nothing.
3: You’re crazy, like literally f- insane.

...None of which include a valid clarification of his contradictions.

One night we’re playing Monopoly. He is short handed for the first time in about ten games. His girlfriend lands on a space...

"No, you can’t take that! I already landed on it and put money in the bank. You just forgot to give me the property!"

We refused because we did not see it. The property cost 100... So... He quits the game since he can’t have his way. This is a 22 year old man[(or: man-child) by the way.

Then I realized the dumb bastard left his money out and we didn’t play many turns... So... I got my camera out. I count all his money, back track all the steps, accounting for the drawn chance and chest cards...

When I was done backtracking, his starting amount was... 1500- the proper amount.

If he had indeed put his money in the bank without getting the property, his backtrack value would be 1400, not 1500.

When confronted with this, he denied it, saying it must have been a chest card.

I told him I already accounted for it.

He swore and would not give it up, in spite of video evidence, the fact that he was BS-ing us.

He ended up ignoring me altogether and avoiding me, as he promised he would if I "brought Monopoly up one more time."

Of course, I didn’t, and he still ignored 2 attempts to retain pleasantries.

So I mention to a mutual friend of ours we’re not on good terms and explained why, while not casting him in a negative (honest) light... I swear the friend to secrecy.

Minutes later, he starts cussing me out on Facebook, saying our mutual friend told him how crazy I was because of the Monopoly thing- which sounded really out of character for him.

So the mutual friend tells me that Jon (the liar) mentioned Monopoly without his help, and that he actually hung up on him saying he had band practice before telling him a single thing, which meant
that Jon was lying to me about what the mutual friend said to get a confession I would have been happy to give him for free.

So as it turns out, in his quest to prove he’s not a liar, he blatantly manipulated both of us to play off of each other and outright lied to get information no one was even hiding from him.

This just around the time he told me that he talked to my friend and how they all think I’m crazy now, then blocking me from contact.

The unique thing about the situation is that I quoted him to the mutual friend (who’s a new associate to me, but a very (formerly) strong friend to him) and offered a conversation screen shot if he had his doubts.

So now not only have his lies dug him into a small grave (figuratively speaking, of course), but now our mutual friend knows he’s willing to lie about him and his character just to achieve what he wants.

So really, he’s completely screwed 2 of his friendships... all because he couldn’t say,
"Yeah... maybe I didn’t land on that property."

P.S. This is not an isolated incident.

He has also stolen my N64 controllers I lent him via saying he gave them back with the system I loaned him (he did not- only the system was returned, with controllers missing). As if I’m stupid enough to believe my own controllers were given back when they’ve clearly been missing ever since, gee... loaning them to him.

He also comes up with things he plans, elaborate stories, which for some reason when they supposedly happen, he just recites the plan he said with a "this happened" tonality. As if everything he predicted could go off without a hitch.

written by Betsa, 09 November, 2011

Not a single person has to deal with pathological liars. Please people do respect yourselves. You do not have to hid rock bottom because of someone elses childish behavior.
If one wants to stop lying, you need to make the conscious decision to be an adult.Go away for a couple of days and be with yourself. Adults confront their demons and deal with them; Children run and hide. If you have a bad habit and you see that it is hurting someone you love; you give up that bad habit. Yes! its that easy.Selfish people just keep going, but than that is what compulsive lying is all about.

written by livinlife112, 19 November, 2011

Wow!!! I had no idea all of this is out here. My wife just let me know that i have a problem with lying. No i dont i said... i only lied about what i wasnt allowed to do i told her. well...DUH....its been something different for the last 3 yrs...stuff i "couldnt" do..stuff i lied about...she is ready to leave me...we have 2 kids, and i am at my end, if ii dont stop lying...i will lose my whole perfect family. I think this is my first step is to stop lying to myself...putting it out there so it becomes real to me. i dunno..

written by Vik, 28 November, 2011

My mother lies constantly, and always has. When we were in primary school, at the end of the holidays she would tell us where we had been on holiday – and what we had done. We did’t go abroad until we were in our teens, but at 6 years old we were trained to lie and say we had.

She tells the most pointless and embarrassing lies. she also tells very hurtful lies. When confronted she goes mad, ‘are you calling me a liar, I am not going to put up with this’. In any conversation, she has to match every anecdote – with a lie generally. They are pointless and so embarrassing, everyone can tell but her. I think she believes them.

I have asked her about it, but she refuses to admit that she does it. Sometimes I think it is a minor fault, and I should let it go, but a lot of the time it drives me mad. It also really hurts me to hear her say she had a wealthy privileged background, her mother didn’t have to work and that her father was very well paid – he was a useless violent drunk, and her mother had several jobs to feed them all. I feel that she is insulting my grandmother’s memory.

I love my mother, and I know part of this is because she had a tough childhood, but we were brainwashed into thinking our real selves were never quite good enough and had to be hidden. She has ruined her own life with her webs of lies and her ridiculous stories, and done a lot of damage to her children.

written by miss s, 01 December, 2011

I have recently ended a 2 year relationship with someone I believe to be a compulsive liar. It started out mostly small things like "I’m at home" when in reality he was at the pub (if I had a penny) I believe he has a bit of a drink problem also but thats another branch off the tree.
There were numerous red flags from the start but I always believe in giving people a chance (and a 2nd,3rd,4th chance it would seem) His lies ranged from the pointless mundane everyday things right through to outrageous unbelievable lies for example telling his boss and co-workers he would be leaving his temp job early as he was going to australia. I found out this one when we bumped into one of his co-workers a week or so later.
I recently suspected he had been stealing from my purse So started counting my money before spending time with him. Even when I confronted him with the blindingly obvious he still tried to lie his way out of it. Eventually when cornered and realising he had been caught out he admitted he took it. This was a deal breaker for me. I knew he was prone to lying but never thought he would sink so low. He’s currently unemployed and if we went anywhere I basically paid for everything as it was, out of choice as I wanted to share nice times together. He often asked to lend a few pounds here and there and I always gave him it and rarely nagged for it back, so the thought of him sneaking through my things and stealing from me never crossed my mind. It was only small amounts of money here and there but I think that makes it worse that he was willing to risk my love and trust for such a small amount. Now it feels like he stole 2 years of my life.
This happened 4 days ago and I’m not entirely sure the full effects of his actions have hit me yet but what I do know is that the worst thing is not knowing. Those seeds of doubt put in my head with the more lies adding up blurred everything he ever said or did and I’m left feeling like potentially non of our relationship was real and I will never know the truth because even if he did tell me how would I differentiate it from the lie after lie?

written by anonymousliar, 11 December, 2011

It’s only recently occurred to me that I lie as much as I do. I’ve had issues in the past with depression and anxiety, and have even been classified as slightly borderline by my school’s psych. I’m currently being medicated for the above stated problems, but issues in my relationship have been occurring relating to trust, and as i think about my relationships with people, it occurs to me that i lie. to everyone. i tell people, and myself, these fabrications of the truth, or slightly altered versions that, for no reason. i leave out facts when retelling stories, or sometimes say that something ‘may have happened’ blaming my confusion of the situation on alcohol or drugs, or even just my own stupidity. i’ve always had issues with self image and insecurities, so these all may be reasons for the way that i am. it’s just very confusing and difficult because i even question myself when i’m recalling events and shift blame in every argument, if not in conversation, then in my mind. i don’t know how to figure out if i actually am a pathological liar, or something along those lines, or if i’m just a complete scumbag of a person.

written by ilietoo, 13 December, 2011

Yea this is a very real problem for me as well... I started when I was a lot younger. It started at first when I didn’t want to upset my parents, so I would just gloss over things... Little white lies to make the going easier. I’m sure I’ve lied to my parents at least a few thousand times by now, no exaggeration. Lied to my friends, even the close ones, as well. I am very good at it, and have only been caught once or twice (knock on wood) in my career of thousands of lies. I lie mainly in two situations.
1. To smooth things over with people
2. To make things go according to my plans
I don’t feel like I’m a bad person, and nothing bad generally has come from this habit. I’m trying to fix it but with something so ingrained, it’s really a challenge.

written by methods of recovery, 23 January, 2012

hello, my name is Caitlin. I’m working to find some methods of recovery for compulsive lying, pathological lying, and dependent personality/obsessive personality. I see a lot of pain, and misery, in what most of you are writing here. I can relate, which i believe is very important. If you are current working on trying to change these lies in your life, please write me, i am very curious as to what tools you’ve called upon. This is not in any way an attempt to make money, this is my own time, so please, only write me if you are seriously trying to change. You can lie to me, that’s fine. Lies are simply constructs, the truth always comes out. But don’t waste my time with your stories, there will be time for those.

written by SendMeToHell, 21 April, 2012

I don’t know how to stop. I don’t even know what’s real anymore. Why would I feel the need to lie about my childhood? I wish I could stop, I really do. I am so worthless.

written by Just an average girl except that..., 27 June, 2012

I’m a liar! Strangely it feels so much better to admit that. With a little research and many broken hearts and destroyed relationships, I’ve come to terms with myself that I have a lying problem that either developed in my childhood or is a mental problem. I don’t believe I am a pathological liar or sociopath, I don’t manipulate others. I may be habitual or compulsive but I don’t know what yet, all I know is it needs.to stop. I’ve taken advantage of my ex boyfriends kindness and just kept lying to him again and again. Now its over. The worst thing is that I’m only 18 and the severity of those problem already sounds like it has developed over a lifetime. Please help me

written by Justme111, 06 September, 2012

I think I have a lying disorder.. I lie for no reason I lie about what I have done during the day.. A event that never took place I will create I don’t do it purposely I lie about such stupid things its never big things or things that effect people I have never lied about my past but because my boyfriend is picking up on my little lies he doesn’t believe me I think I need help but he says there’s nothing rung with me I just lie is there anyone out there with any advise on why I lie without noticing I’m doing it? Please someone help me I really need some advice

written by Appleguy, 29 September, 2012

I am a liar, I have lied my whole life. I don’t do it to get people in trouble, but to get myself out of trouble. I’m 37, I should know better really, but I can’t help but say anything to get myself out of harms way at times. When things get tough I spew out the most horrendous of things and now it has all caught up with me. My life has turned out to be one big mess right now and my lies got me here. I urge anyone that lies to seek help, it ruins your life, it has ruined mine, I lost three of the most beautiful ladies in my because of it (my daughter, girlfriend and her daughter). I need help before I utterly destroy myself and others with me.

written by Aalysa, 21 November, 2012

I dont really know how this goes. But I just realized I may be a compulsive liar. Im pretty young, and everyone knows teenagers lie. But, I do it and I dont realize it until later. I lie so much it becomes the truth. It hurts the people around me and I dont want to hurt them. And I know they will never accept me for the things Ive done. For all you out there in the comments that suggest leaving or hating those who lie to you. Honestly, being on the other end, you’d understand its a compulsion. You do it because you feel secure. You feel like you’ve fulfilled an addiction. Its hard and I sicken myself everyday by this terrible habit. Ive ruined the only good thing I have by fibbing. I will never get those friends back, because of something I cant even help.
You wouldnt kick a kid in a wheelchair for inability to walk.
So why hate me for something I clearly cant help and the only way to change is with support?

written by TheDarkestRose, 06 January, 2013

I was so alone in my world of lies. But coming upon this thread, for the first time in my life, I feel I’m finally among people who understand. Lying is a hateful thing. Lying is despicable. If there’s one truth for me to speak, though it’s so tragic to admit: I AM a compulsive liar. I have been lying for as long as I can remember, and I always wondered if I was an evil person. I won’t make excuses, I know I am wrong. I know I hurt myself and everyone I love. I’m at the brink of destroying a relationship with the only man I have ever loved, and who ever truly loved me. I am going to lose him. We are at a limbo right now, but the way things are going, I know he’s a heartbeat away from leaving it all behind, because I can’t tell the truth. I am struggling
to change, I really truly am, but my last lie may just be the last straw that would finally break this fragile relationship that we both have worked so hard for. I love him so much. But still I lied. I know it`s destroying us, but I still lied. I have every intention to be truthful from now on, but I think he`s had enough. I am scared. I am infinitely sad. I don`t know what he is thinking. I could only hope he would give me this one last chance to turn myself around. I know I can do this. I`ve battled depression and won... I will battle this too and win. But my victory will all be in vain if the cost is losing him. I pray for strength, for courage, for understanding. I am so tired of lying. So tired of hiding things. Walking in this shadow I have created. To everyone whose ever walked in these shoes... it’s never too late even though it may feel that way. I find strength in knowing that I am not alone, that I am not an evil person, that I am good and there is always hope as long as there is breath. I refuse to die lying, so I will fight this monster inside me, no matter what it takes, even if I die trying.

written by shell795, 07 January, 2013

I had my reasons for lying, and those have destroyed relationships...But other times, I am not even aware that I am lying, it just comes out. I get caught more often than not because it is petty things, but it hurts my family more than anything. They think I am pathetic, but I cant help it. It just happens, and sometimes I say things that just pull me under. When people know I lie, they dont trust me or believe I am telling the truth even if I do... I hate it, and I dont know what to do.

written by 12 year old girl, 20 January, 2013

I am 12 years old and i lie about everything i’m worried about my future. i have told everybody at school that my family has financial and relationship issues when in reality we are fine i always tell people that my dad had left us or that my mom is a drunk but its not true. I lie to my best friends, EVERYBODY. Its sad because i know that it is only for attention but i am afraid that if the truth comes out that everybody will hate me. every relationship i have with a person is made up on a lie. i just want to stop but it is so hard. can someone please help me?

written by Lovino, 24 February, 2013

I think I’m a compulsive liar. I lie to my friends and family constantly. I’ve actually created a fictional best friend named "Sam". When I chat with my friends on Skype "Sam" may steal the computer, all the while I’m the one typing. I’ve lied about attempted suicides for pity. I told my friend that I have ADD and OCD. I’m quite young and I want to figure out how to stop this. I just lie randomly and I can’t help it. I’ve even lied about my middle name! I really hate myself for it too. I know I just want attention. I’m useless.

written by Paradoxical Liar, 24 February, 2013

I am a liar, a good one, in fact. But unlike most, I like it and hate it at the same time.

It has its good uses. My lies saved me from many things before, and I take pride being able to slip out of a problem with one elaborate story. I can manipulate others with ease; just lying to myself about my emotions and thinking and everything’s perfect. It’s so fun how I make people follow, pity, or just do anything for me with just one lie.

But because of it,only few (or maybe none,I don’t know. They might be just pretending)people trust me. They don’t trust every word I say. They don’t trust me with secrets, and every time I promise not to tell they don’t believe me, even if I really won’t. I became alone just because I’m a liar.

Now I don’t have anyone to call friends, I’m pretty sure. I’m trying to cope, to lie to myself, but the pain is so excruciating. Sometimes I want my lying skills to be gone forever.