Past Comments – I think I am in love with a pathological liar

This is so true.....
written by K, 30 January, 2007

I’m in a very similar situation. I didn’t take the lying so seriously because I thought she was just being slick. Until very recently that I have noticed that I’m not the only one she lies to. She lies to friends, family, employers, etc. This was very helpful. It’s good to know that I’m not the only one in love with compulsive liar.

lying
written by Robbie, 20 March, 2007

Every time my wife is lying and I am suspicious.... and asking questions... she starts screaming and cursing. I don’t even bother asking questions. Even worse I stopped living with her and don’t call her anymore. She has a behavior which is making me feel terrible and even doubt whether I am right or totally wrong. I have to listen to things... you are manipulating, etc. etc. Since last week after just too many insults I left and didn’t contact her anymore. It hurts,...very much, but I can’t take anymore. Done with guys calling her early mornings, late evenings, offering her presents between 20 and almost 60.000 euro, done with the lying where she hangs out (with guys), the reaction I get is... ‘you are a control freak and sherlock holmes. This all sounds very weird and vague, But that is exactly how I feel.
Kind regards,
Rob

pathological liars
written by lorenzo, 23 March, 2007

I live with my two children’s mother for eight years. During our eight years living together, she lied about almost everything. I always knew she was lying to me, therefore I would always challenge her dishonesty. when I caught her lying, she would cover a lie with another lie. In the beginning I thought maybe it was because our relationship was fairly new; and maybe she was affraid of me knowing her. But, after eight years of her lies, I realizes she a "liar." Then I had to ask myself could I live that way with her. My answer was no. So I moved on. Today I realizes that that was the best decision I ever made. If you feel that’s all your worth, that’s all you’ll get. Today life could not be any better.

I encourage anyone who’s experiencing this type of behavior from the person their involved with, to get out now; it don’t get any better in the long run.

written by Original Author, 05 May, 2007

Hi all! Still not fully in the clear here, but feeling a little less pressure, and relief at being away from Love.

I’ll give anyone who wants to read a short update.

"Not so Pathological After All"

Although the original diagnosis wasn’t exactly right on, I took the general theme of the advice to heart, and stopped focusing on my girlfriends behavior, and re-examined my own. I found that I had been behaving quite mad. I remembered that after seeing a man kiss her on the cheek, I trashed my room in an awkward attempt to express my anger, and then showed her pictures of people with STD’s in an attempt to educate her on the effects of sleeping around without a condom. I would also bury gifts for her. Yes, bury gifts underground. At the time I was thinking around these lines: "I’m not sure if we will get married, but if we do, she must receive these gifts, and furthermore she must know that I was always sure." All my thoughts were bent towards establishing the greatness of my and her relationship. At the time I had to choose between a career and her, and I actually enjoyed turning down job offers for her, as if they were badges of honor to testify to the strength of the relationship. When I decided to propose to her, it was a big production, but I refused to tell any of my friends, or family, any of the details, as if it would take away from the magic of it all. In fact, I didn’t give her any hints at all either. Looking back it was so stupid, and neglectful of her feelings. In the end I didn’t even propose. Why? Because in the meantime a whole slew of lies came out. She had lied to me about her entire past. Why? Because she couldn’t fit my ideals? Maybe.
But then why did she lie right from the beginning?
And why did she threaten suicide?
And why did she threaten to kill me if I left with another woman?
And why did I eventually leave her with a fear for my life?
Why have I been researching sociopaths?
Why have I been researching serial killer psychology?
Was I drugged into love?
Is she going to poison me?

Ok. This is getting too long. And I’m not so cheerful as I was when I started writing.

Right now I’m in China, far away from her, and getting ready to come back to the states. I’m really tired.

Oh. One more thing. There’s another girl here who I feel almost the same type of attraction for, and she’s married and totally dishonest. Things will definitely not proceed at all, but the spark of attraction is there, and this nugget of information might reveal something about my own personality. Maybe the honest ones are just to bland for my taste.

Thanks to the above posters.

Any further responses will be read and appreciated.

Yikes. Finally, in case the experts are still reading. I dont’ think she enjoys playing games with the truth, I’m fairly certain of this. And I’m fully certain that I don’t like forcing the truth out of her, and I have fully stopped doing that. It seems like her and I are both searching for an acceptable way to proceed – an acceptable philosophy from which to view what has happened and what will happen.

written by Cristina, 19 September, 2007

I am currently involved with a liar. To everyone else he is the greatest guy. Always helping others whenever he can, etc. I’ve been dating him on and off for two years. Each time we stop seeing each other it is because I caught him in a lie and confronted him. His reaction is always the same. I am the crazy one and he doesn’t need this in his life. I’ve recently caught him in a lie and decided not to confront him. When we last got back together again he said he didn’t want to be with anyone else and he would not date anyone else. Those were his words. Yet, he takes women out to dinners and ballgames. I don’t understand him – I ask him if our "deal" is still in effect and he constantly reassures me that it is – and that he wants to be with me and only me. Then there’s lies about his mother (she is in a nursing home but he tells me she lives with him in his apt and she has a caregiver). Actually, he stays at my apt every night. So I did some investigating and found out he no longer has that apartment. The complicated part of this all is that I work for him. He actually "saved" me from my previous employment where I was truly miserable. Funny thing is that for the past two months, I thought he was helping me because he truly loved me. But now I’m not sure of that. I really don’t know why he is doing it. I just don’t know what to do. I love the guy but does he really love me or is that a lie too?

written by KM, 27 September, 2007

Dear Christina, You have my sympathy, as I was, up until two weeks ago, dating someone who lies about as often as he tells the truth. The last set of lies involved another woman – one half his age. Now I wonder, as you do, was it a lie when he was telling me he loved me? And I can’t even see the point in trying to talk to him about it, as he’d be SO defensive and just tell MORE lies. It complicates things for you that you have to work with/for this man, but you can always be looking for other employment if you decide you’re better off without him than with him. Good luck!

written by A.D., 03 October, 2007

I’m close to this situation,
I thought I really really liked this guy. He seemed to know me better than I knew myself, he would always know what I was thinking and when I was thinking it. Everything made sense as to why we would be perfect for each other. He had a hard childhood and was abused, so he had a lot of mental scars, down to the point where I was keeping him from suicide... Well, turns out he had lied to me about everything... everything down to his gender. Before you say something like "wow, she must have been stupid to not notice" it wasn’t just me, most of my friends thought the same. I stopped talking to him because he.. she.. seems a little crazy.. well, a lot crazy.. I asked one of her friends later, and apparently they said something about her being a pathological or compulsive liar, I cant remember which. I know that thats probably not the only thing wrong with her, but it would sure explain a lot of the things I was told. I honestly, can’t figure out how I was so blind.

written by D.L., 31 October, 2007

Well, don’t feel too bad because up until two weeks ago I was dating a guy who was a compulsive liar. When I tried to talk to him about why he lies, he would never want to talk about it. This would always seem very frustrating to me and I would send him an email breaking up with him. I broke up with him several times by email, each time he came back but he always loved to turn it all on me that it’s my fault.

Well, I’m glad that I broke up with him because all the lies and deception was creating a lot of stress for me. It was someone that I work with, but I think in time I will just concentrate on the relief I feel from having this compulsive liar out of my life. I figure that if someone can’t even tell the truth, they are not worth having in your life.

written by B., 25 February, 2008

I am currently dating this guy who lies compulsively. Everyone thinks he is a great guy but after a while i bet people start to see through him. He contradicts himself constantly. He pretends and hides the truth and it really hurts me. I have been with this guy for nearly a year and I am seeing that he really does not care about anyone but himself.

written by TT, 10 March, 2008

Hi There,

I have also had the same sort of problem with my partner. Believing that something was wrong with me in that I was suspicious all the time has led me to realize that he’s a compulsive liar. He lies to his parents about minor things ‘to make it easier’ to deal with. I’ve asked him before ‘so what’s to stop you from lying to me?’ which he always seems to answer with reassurance that he loves me very much. I recently check the history on my laptop (which he uses regularly now) and there were some not so nice topless photos on there of a woman he knows (who knows we’re together and also has a boyfriend). When I brought the situation up in a round about way he claimed that she hadn’t sent him anything... just goes to show that he feels he doing me a favor by not telling me even though I know the truth (which is bizarre as I’m pretty sure he knows that I know). As far as I know, he hasn’t acted on this situation, but it still leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

written by hopeless, 13 March, 2008

I have dated a compulsive liar for 4 years. I did not find out he was a liar until a year ago. Even when things he said did not make sense, he would make like I was making too much of a deal about it. Then I would start questioning myself, and what I believe what was going on. Last year after leaving him he told me he loved me and wanted to marry me. He told me some of the things he was lying to me about. He lied about his whole life. He told me he did not have any kids and never been married, but he had been married and he has one daughter not to much younger than me. I thought we were close to the same age. He is 14 years older than me. There were even more lies on top of that. I was devastated. Here I thought I knew this man, but I knew nothing about him. There were several signs and everyone said he was lying to me. He is so manipulative. When he talks, he makes me feel like he is telling the truth and I am the one with the problem. I love him so much. I have decided I can’t take it anymore. I have realize it is an illness and he needs psychological help that I cannot give him. If he does not get help, I know the relationship cannot last. My heart is torn because I have grown to love him so much. I am trying to be strong and keep him away from me, because I don’t want to go back in relationship where there is no trust. He admits he has a problem and that his lies get in the way of his relationship, but he is so self absorbed. He refuse to get help. Because of him and others I have had to seek my own counseling.

written by ac, 24 July, 2008

I’m married to a pathological liar,I found out she lied about being raped when she was younger. When I confronted her about it she spit in my face. This was the worst response I got from her, usually she runs away and cry when confronted about a lie. We only been married less than a year, but her lying makes me wont to leave this marriage. I need to know stay or go.

written by jab123, 07 November, 2008

I am currently trying to break up with a liar. I don’t know if he knows he’s doing it or if it’s intentional but I cannot live with all the questions.
I’m noticing a pattern in the responses that the liars make us doubt ourselves and our instincts.
I love this man very much. He treats me well and is a caring partner. He’d be perfect if it wasn’t for the lying.
And I am trying to break up with him but am afraid he will keep drawing me in.
His lies confound me. He lies about big things (such as being born in Italy and having a rich mother) to small insignificant things (talking to the neighbor downstairs).
I want him to stop so we can stay together but I know it will keep happening.
When I met him he said he was a marine and lived two hours away. Never been married and dying to have a family.
I got a call four months ago from a woman claiming to be his wife who also said they had 4 children.
He told me they were separated and getting a divorce but that she was into drugs so it was slowing things down. He said he has 1 daughter by her and cannot have custody until the courts finish things up but he cannot give me any answers to why it’s taking so long.
He was staying with me and driving down 3 times a week to see her.
He doesn’t have a job and when I asked him where the money was coming for from gas he said his ex’s mother was helping him.
Yesterday I recovered a resume on my laptop that he had created. There was a contact number I didn’t know. He doesn’t have a phone and had asked to use mine for the contact number. I looked it up and it belongs to a 26 year old woman about 40 min from me.
I asked him about the number and he said it belonged to his ex’s mother. That was LIE #1. Next I asked where the phone was located. He gave a different location. LIE #2. Finally I asked if his ex’s mother would answer if i called. He said yes. LIE #3. I then told him I knew who the phone belonged to and he said he hasn’t seen her in ages. So why is he using her as his contact number on a resume then?
All this happened today. I told him it was the last time he would lie to me and that we were done.
He continues to email me begging I reconsider.
I don’t think I can live the rest of my life wondering if he’s telling the truth or lying. He was everything I wanted in a partner....but maybe all that was a lie too.
I wish he could stop.

written by ex crazy girl, 30 December, 2008

It is sad i am that girl, my boyfriend is that guy. However I am not a liar in general. Our situation started with something i did that i was ashamed of and was afraid to tell him about and when the truth came out, i continued to lie to save the relationship from ruins and to protect his feelings and not make me seem so bad. So at that point i compulsively did lie. I out of fear of losing him attempted suicide, i would ruin his things and i even went as far as to hit him. i went crazy, but it was cuz i wanted to scare him to stay. i had to go through counseling and therapy and do a lot of self healing to get to where i am now. it is sad to hear this story cuz it is so what we had. it is funny cuz he was from china and i am the 26 year old he was 23. he came down to the states to visit and met me and decided to stay for me. It took me to lose him completely to scare my ass straight and make the change. Now he and i get along very much and it is nice not to have all the baggage on my back. we can speak openly with each other. he had his own insecurity issues that is why he stood to begin with. so i believe it has to do with both partners and their own personal issues. i do agree with the game play. i also agree that it is such a deep connection with that person to make you act in that particular way.

written by jpm69, 01 February, 2009

I’m a 19 year old girl and my male best friend since childhood is a compulsive liar. He stops at nothing; he doesn’t tell the truth about what time he goes to work (like I even gave a crap about that) to making up a story saying he got mugged one time. Then, when I call him out on it, he pretends to "forget" the conversations. I’m talking, entire incidents here.

The weird thing is that I’ve known him since we were seven or eight and he hasn’t always been this way. In fact, up until about a year and a half ago, he was seemingly the kindest, most honest kid you’ve ever met.

To everybody else--his mom, his girlfriend (both controlling women by the way), he is still that person, and to me he just MAKES STUFF UP.

Today, I called him out on it and his response was more lies and a promise never to do it again.

I don’t care; This has been going for WAY too long, and I’m finished.

written by No love, 28 July, 2009

Im in a similar situation Im involved with a pathological liar This man totally in his mind think the things he tell me the truth I don’t believe anything the man say he claim he’s divorce but I now think thats a lie he said that he was getting rid of his place so that we can be together ok but he claim the house is rented but yet he claim to be living on his mother couch (lie) its just becoming unbearable Im at the place in my life where happiness and togetherness is the most important thing to me but we don’t have that and he seem to think that we are still together and I feel no togetherness at all I totally don’t feel like I can depend on this man because he is not there. I cant talk to him because he seem to be living in this make believe world where he love me an everything is alright.

written by charlieboy, 04 January, 2010

I have been in a same sex relationship with a pathological liar for 12 years now. I was infatuated with him and his grandiose stories. It is like a drug and he knew when to use it on me. I knew all along but felt powerless to do anything about it as I loved him dearly.
Can I say that it wont get better. It will get worse. They lie about affairs so you lose all the trust. But you hang in there until they leave. When he did it was so painful but I was able to focus on how unhealthy our relationship had been. I was living with a liar a cheat and a betrayer. He told me that he had been into his Dads bank account and knew how much money they had. That was a lie. He told my 12 year old daughter that he and his girlfriend had a baby and it died and was buried in a white coffin......sick. That doesnt even scratch the surface yet I chose to stay with him? They are manipulative and threatening. He has always told me that he would love me until the day I died. I believed him!! What a fool I was.
So my advise would be to get out fast. You have to make that decision, no one else can. Its painful as you have been pre conditioned to the lies. They are a part of your life. Then you have to start a relationship with an honest person? Thats difficult too. Good luck.

written by Deceived, Manipulated and Cheated on, 05 July, 2010

I have been in a same sex relationship with a woman for about 2 and a half years. She is 16 years younger than me. When I first met her I didn’t know how old she was. when I did find out we had already started seeing each other. She looked and seemed much older. She was 19 I was 35. The lies and manipulation and cheating could become a novel and the way I felt about her and the difficulty leaving felt like a drug addiction. Being with a compulsive liar is the most exhausting thing. You never know when the truth is coming out of their mouth. Even down to their feelings for you, I have no idea whether she loved me or not. She said she did, several times a day, we had great chemistry, but the draw to lie and cheat was greater than any chemistry we could ever have. The thrill of the lie and deception and manipulation was too great. At first I chalked up the lying and shadiness to her age, but as time passed I realized, "hey I didn’t act that way when I was 19" so I new that it was a problem with lying. It sucks that compulsive lying for her is a problem that most likely will never get resolved. I hope the best for her and anyone that crosses her path. As for me I just learned my lesson and hope for someone better to share my life with....

written by Two Cheaters, 14 July, 2010

I have been in a relationship with a man for three years who I just found out recently that he cheated on me a year ago...but not only until he found out the truth about me cheating on him. For the past six weeks I have lied to him and deceived him, I tried to commit suicide and failed...He was the one who saved me and I am forever grateful! We have both hurt each other...but he continuously talks about that night I messed up... I love him and I know that I regret everything that I did and I will never cheat on him again! but how can I prove that to him?

written by gf of a pathological liar, 12 November, 2010

I currently live with a liar... where did it all start.... perhaps it was the items on ebay that he bid for using my account and never paid for but assured me he had & had tried to be in contact with the sellers etc. forcing me to close my account. Or maybe it was that he told me that his sister & best friend died 1 week apart after a night when he didn’t come home. When questioned on his ware about... someone had died... or was it when he left his face book account open I saw a sent message to another woman with him telling her he loved her and that his mother had died. When confronted, he denied... even though it was all in black in white (his mother is alive and kicking) and now he can’t trust me... wtf! Or was it his medical card that had a child’s name on it, when confronted became all defensive and stated that the child had passed on 4 years earlier. Well I find that hard to believe as when he received his tax return 5 years later it stated on there that it had all gone to child support services. But when asked about his tax return, he said they were behind and wouldn’t be processing it for ages as only had an estimation. I haven’t approached him on this lie... rather asked him questions around it and watched him lie directly to my face. This is when I knew I am living with a pathological liar. This is the last straw... he owes me rent & money and once I have received or recuperated some, this I am going to confront him with all evidence of his lies in paper and explain to him this is why I am leaving him. As I am not the bad person. I am not the untrustworthy person, I am not the crazy one and I am not stupid!

written by duronimo, 12 November, 2010

Ok, I have some things to say to you.
Love is a binding force and you will have to cope with losing that aspect out of your life. That is not easy.
A liar like you have described will all always be the liar that you described. That’s a fact. You may be living with a psychopath as that is what they do. He is probably charming and you probably enjoy having him around but things ain’t gonna change! Don’t confront him on his lies. You are wasting your time as he will manipulate your mind into thinking that you have the problem. I was advised to cut my losses and get out. My doctor told me that a leopard cannot change its spots. This is life and these people are out there in force! Thank God you have recognized it and are not fooled. Run please, believe me, Run as fast as you can. He is very dangerous and certainly not worthy of your respect. You will need support and it will take a long time to recover..but you will get over this, you will.
Keep posting or keep in touch with us who have been where you are today. There are good people in this world who do not lie.

written by duronimo, 13 November, 2010

I replied to your blog but I don’t think it got through the system.
Firstly you are dealing with two issues here. The first is that you love this man. Emotions are difficult to walk away from so whatever you do this is going to be hard for you.
The second issue is that pathological lying can be an off shoot of something a lot bigger than you think you are dealing with. He may be a psychopath. Sounds harsh but it is probably due. Read all you can about this personality disorder and see if it fits? Confrontation is a waste of time as he will never change. Even if you catch him out on a lie, he will mess with your head and you will blame yourself. You are a piece of clay in his hands right now.
You have to run as fast as you can. You don’t have to give an explanation why, just run. I wish that I had of when I was told to. I was always looking and hoping for change but it will never happen. Believe me his condition is hard wired. Yes it will break your heart but when you heal you will so much wiser and informed. Education is our best defense. Good luck. We are here for you and you will need to talk and cry. It is so difficult but in the end you will be glad you out of his mess.

written by catastrophe94, 10 April, 2011

hey you probably dont want to talk to a 16 year old girl who is a liar, but i am and for once this is my truth, i need help so bad my relationship is in ruins he wants to leave me but he says he loves me so he wants a break, i lie only to keep people from getting close to me because i have had a pretty shit past 6 years i have had a lot of deaths and the people i love have left me so i think i lie so people will leave me, but i dont want him to i cant stop crying and the barrier i put up with my lies to stop the heartbreak isnt there anymore but the heart ache is and i dont know what to do help

written by Kieran Mon, 21 September, 2011

I dated a sociopath 7 years ago. After it i was devastated, I was young vulnerable and naive. It took me 7 years to start to feel close to someone again, and when I did I got drawn in with a young pathological liar. It didnt last as long, and I knew he was lieing, but he had moments of insight and I feared he’d become sociopath and maybe I thought I could help. Anyway I broke up with him when I came back from a 2 week vacation after about 2 months of quite intense dating... He required a lot of attention. When I returned he wasnt as interested, and he seemed to always use dating sights and be adding people on facebook. So I ended it. Then a week later he was out on a date and he ended up in tears with me after i embarrassed him with truths and reacted to him moving on so quickly, his date went back with me and my friend and collaborated everything I thought of him. Anyway we talked again, these people have a draw of making you feel you can help them or that you can change. And like magnets, they attract the opposite, which is caring, empathetic people who take on board what they say and give chances because there are possibilities that people are decent and just mixed up. Thing is, the only thing you can do with these people, is let them live the way they do until they tire of it themselves. They are disrespectful of you and break every law of emotion in the way they deal with you. When someone breaks the law they are sent away to prison. Some come out and are often, and end up back in, and some learn. Thing is they have to do it for themselves. Even just helping them shows the compassion they do not deserve from you, because they have broken you and disrespected you so much that they cannot come back from that. The hardest thing to do is to stop, its so difficult for the caring and the compassionate. But they have to be banished from your life to know that what they do is wrong. They may not care, but if everyone banished them they would soon be on there own forever, or until they learn they ant treat people this way. Its difficult. But their parasitic lives can only leave them lonely.

written by Kieran Mon, 21 September, 2011

I also wrote this poem after I broke up with the sociopath:

After the Faux

Oh great brain washer you,
sept into my mind in disguise
Trickery, trickery
What a fool was I.

What evil thoughts I fed
Not knowing you like lucifer.
The devil wears the mask of god,
how else would he deceive?

A rotten core, a sickly soul,
a dirty unwashed mind...
In christmas paper all wrapped up,
I thought a gift, but only coal.

A talent to deceive and weave deception
into man,
of elastic plastic lies,
with substance of no substance,
you evil, evil child,
Demonic in your eyes.

if this touches u, please e mail me:
This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it with the subject line poem... i’ve never shared it before....

written by Too Trusting, 24 April, 2012

I’m 37 and fell for a 43 year old man. A year and a half in, I found out he was married with a son AND had a girlfriend with which he owned a home. I never knew. He was in the UK and I am in the US. He always made sure to call morning, noon, and night. He created our chat routine to ensure he was in control of when phone calls were done. We took amazing vacations and I found out later that he just returned from vacations with is other partners. He assured me that these other relationships were those he was trying to get out of. Whether or not it’s true, he had me believe his family did not know he was married. They confirmed they didn’t know. We worked together and I left my job. He was in a high position. He’s been financially supportive since. He filed for divorce or so he says almost two years ago. There is no property involved and his child is almost an adult so there are no custody issues. I’ve been hearing for almost two years how there were signature issues on the paperwork, etc and this is why the divorce is still not finalized. I believe his family does not like his wife. I believe he may be trying to convince his family that thus woman is no longer around. How can she be if I’m here. But his wife mentioned to me that my boyfriend told her, regarding the divorce, that nothing is over until it’s over. This man has no trouble spending money to hide things. All the friends my boyfriend has around him are unfaithful to their partners. None seem to see women as more that objects. They all make phone calls to one saying they love the one partner and then on to the next phone call to the next woman saying the same thing. I realized this man is nothing more than a cheat and a liar. I’m scared because now I am financially dependent on him. Mentally, I have no idea what side is up or down and for the most part I stay home unless he’s in town. Has anyone ever been in this situation? How did you get out? I know this man won’t change. I’ve been so hopeful I was wrong. Everyone thinks he is great. Even my family. Why don’t they see it. I’m tired. Staying with him is only causing me more pain and every time I try to leave he makes it impossible. I feel so stuck. Someone please help.

written by r55, 20 May, 2012