Past Comments – I married a compulsive liar

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written by bri, 24 September, 2006

I am so sorry about what happened to you. That is unfair to you, your family, and the millions of other people who are affected by compulsive liars. I wish you the best as you work through this.

I can totally relate to these stories
written by Lina, 06 October, 2006

My husband tells me I’m the reason he lies... He says I question him too much. He will lie about the dumbest things. It’s to the point now that it’s becoming an obsession for me to always feel he’s lying, and that I have to check his stories all the time. The sad thing is we’ve been married for 20 years. He lied from the start, so now I feel like the idiot. I think I’m losing my mind.

Why do we do this?
written by D., 06 October, 2006

Lina and everyone,
I can’t believe I’m reading my story in your words! I have just experienced ANOTHER episode with my compulsive lying husband. Like Lina, I have been married for nearly 20 years and he also lied from the start. When we married, I knew about one ex-wife and one daughter. After a year of marriage, he confessed about another previous wife and two other children. Why didn’t I leave then? I had to ask a series of questions just to be able to discern what was truth and what was a lie. So... I discovered he DIDN’T play drums in a band that traveled around the South... nor did he fill in as a drummer for Jackson Brown once in his life. I felt like a fool because I had repeated the stories to so many people.
Now, I am whirling from the second "discovered" infidelity in our marriage. What is wrong with me? How can I so quickly forgive him and work so hard to get back to "normal?" What is my normal. Yes, I must be sick too!
I did finally speak to a lawyer yesterday and I am going to just make myself follow through on a divorce. My husband is not willing to put in the hard work that it would take to manage his compulsive lying and all its consequences. I’m going to have to toughen up and manage my own pain. Most people know me as an intelligent, creative and caring woman, but with my husband I’m STUPID. It has got to stop! I can’t MAKE him change and he is not willing to change. It’s over (and in the background she is sobbing, hurting, weak).

Thank God I’m not alone
written by LeAnn Woodall, 20 October, 2006

It breaks my heart to hear these women talk about the pain their lying husbands have chosen to cause them. However, I am comforted to know that I am not alone. I, too am married to a compulsive liar. He lies every day, all day. From big things about his past like being a world champion in his style of martial arts, to what he ate for lunch. The man literally lies about everything. I dare not brag any longer to friends or family about his accomplishments because I’ve suffered the mortification when the truth comes out. If I question him about his lying, even when I have proof (receipts, phone bills, paycheck stubs, etc) he insists that he’s telling the truth and that having to deal with my insecurities and general ‘craziness’ is causing us to drift apart. Everyone I’ve ever known has complimented me on my down to earth nature, my quick wit, and my intelligence...look at me now. I’m married to a lying, cheating, sociopath. We’ve only been married for a year and a half. I left him almost 2 months ago but I started seeing him again almost immediately. What’s wrong with me?!!!! I used to look down my nose and be so judgmental when I would hear stories about women who stayed with men who beat them. Not any more. I just keep hoping that if I could just look good enough, or act in just the right way that he would be an honest, faithful husband. God, am I pathetic or what?

married to a compulsive liar-all about money or ma
written by Nic, 21 October, 2006

Hi, thank god I am not alone, I have never felt so foolish or stupid in all my life.
My husband had confessed to having credit cards scattered all over the place in the past but I supported him and help him consolidate these with the provision it would never happen again and that he would be honest with me from now on. Twelve months later, (a few days ago) I received letters from two different banks that we don’t deal with addressed to him, these were the same banks that had contacted me during the day looking for him over the past few months. I couldn’t help but open them, there it was in black and white 10,000.00 owed five to each, I completely freaked, how could he do this after all the stress he created for me last time? I then asked him about the other bank that kept calling him while he was at work, he denied that we owed them anything and even showed me a letter (without company letterhead) that we had received apologizing to me for upsetting me it was only after me asking him over and over again that he admitted to writing it and passing it off as a letter from the bank I am disgusted, hurt, heart broken and have even asked him if he has had affairs he said no, how am I to believe him? We have an ill child that requires constant medical attention and he hasn’t even thought of her I don’t know whether to leave or to help him again and again but all I know is my trust in him is completely broken and I cant even wear my wedding ring or sleep in the same bed as him we have been married for five years yet I don’t even know him the only thing keeping me gong is our daughter because without me she would have no one but sometimes I just want to give up, leave and start again on my own never to trust or love someone again.

I have just realized that lying is a two way stree
written by John001, 15 December, 2006

I have read all the comments and realize it is mostly women talking about their husbands. I think that men don’t necessarily talk about these issues but I am not typical in that regard... much to the chagrin of my wife. I share the feelings of "am I going crazy" or "how can I trust her" or "is this how it is always going to be." First my wife is fantastic in so many ways it would be hard to fit it in this little note. However, she lies when she does not want to be responsible for her actions. Credit cards, going out for work (actually friends), telling me that she feels one way when she feels another. Then the house of cards finally comes tumbling down and I get angry.

I realize that I own a good portion of this. I recently realized I was being passive aggressive towards her. I would make her feel guilty (unknowingly) about being home late, not getting her credit card sorted out, not making enough time for me (selfishly) and our child. My actions spur her actions. I wonder if the rest of the group has thought about this in regards to their own situations. I hope this is helpful.

When Does It End.
written by VanessaK, 26 December, 2006

I always suspected that my husband made up stories to impress me. He reinvented a caring and stable family out of his horribly dysfunctional ensemble, created the mirage of a dynasty, to fortunes of which he was an heir, he even decided to tell me about his "playboy reputation" on our first date, "because," as he so solicitously expressed, "did not want me not find out from any other source and be hurt by it." After the first pile of lies went up in flames, I assured him that he never had to lie to me again because I did not need his money or his family, nor did I care about his romantic past. A year, (and thousands of lies) later we were married and he promised me again on our wedding day that he finally got his dream and he would never again feel the need to lie. It has been six short months and I am filing for divorce. It took him only six months to completely squander my life savings and put me in several thousand dollars of debt. In addition, I have lost the respect of my siblings and my widowed father who have all tried to bail us out after he has yet another "failed investment." I was always proud to be the only one among my friends with no extraneous debt (credit cards, etc). I had the reputation of being a person that budgeted well and saved money. Now, I owe so many people that I cannot bring myself to answer the phone when they call. I believed my husband and more importantly, I believed in him. He told me about childhood abuse of all kinds, sexual, verbal, emotional and physical. I love him, but, I LOVE ME TOO. I tried to help heal the wounds, but I realize that I don’t have the ability. Only he can heal them when he is ready. We are both still young and I pray for his awakening and his safe journey through life. I feel that this is the best help that I can ever offer. I pray also that all of you that have been brave enough to share and those that are still struggling will also find the strength to cope and the direction to take.

Thank God I am not alone
written by anonymous, 02 January, 2007

I can’t tell you how wonderful it is to know that I am not alone. I feel cheated from my youth and a happy life due to the intricate fabric of lies that my husband has woven. I, too, fell for a man that was reported to be one thing to find later to be another. We hang on, because we love the person that is there with us.
We were not given a fair shake. We were not given the opportunity to choose our partner. We thought that we were getting the man of our dreams to find later (and sometimes much later) that we were robbed and deceived. We must gather the strength to find it within ourselves to move on and trust again.
I do not know if I can do it. My experience is only just now coming to a head, but I am sure that I will not live with this any longer.
Have strength compatriots. We can move forward and find the happiness that we so deserve.

Hopeless or Not
written by LeeRoy, 14 January, 2007

Yes it goes both ways. In fact every cheating relationship I know of, the woman is doing the lying and cheating. My wife has been cheating on me at least 7 of the 14 years we’ve been together. I keep hoping someday it will change. She keeps telling me she will stop (when she is caught)and she wants to be with me. Or is it just another lie she is telling everyone. I keep catching her time and time again with the lies and the deciet. Now her boyfriend of 6 years has moved 5 blocks away and has left his wife again. She does not drive so this makes it easier for them to get together when I’m at work. She has already had 1 miscarriage with this guy. (I am fixed) She tells me its just a friend and has told me many times she has ended it. But she does not know that I know she hasn’t. To make matters worse she is in treatment for drug abuse and is a pathological liar. Last week she told her consulor I had a death in the family and we had to travel out of state to a funeral. The week before she had to get her medications early because she left it at a friends out of town. The truth was she has been overdosing every week and doesn’t have her daily dose. Every day it is another lie. Along with the massive daily amounts of over the counter drugs, This could kill her. She makes up stories about how bad I am and tells everyone we know. She has her parents and her friends all believing that I am the problem. She is very convincing and a very good at lying. She lies about everything. I don’t believe she even knows the truth anymore. I have tried to confront her but I am always meet with very defensive denial. I have no friends or no one to turn to. I have no where to go nor do I want to leave my step children or our home. She is not willing to leave or get help so we are at a stand off. I keep hoping and praying she will get better and go back to the woman I fell in love with. I would not abandon her or leave if she had cancer or some other illness. I don’t want to abandon her with this disease. But I an increasingly feeling like things will never change. We have no money and she cannot work so I feel responsible for her. How can I get out of this life and back to what I thought we had? I love her very much.

been there, done that
written by Teresa A. Denny, 14 January, 2007

I lived for 6 years with a compulsive liar, had 3 children with him. My advice--just drop him now. I mean RIGHT NOW. Compulsive liars are just not worth the trouble it takes to deal with them. I have not seen the guy in about 20 years now, and it took nearly that long to dismantle the b.s. filters I had to install in my head just to live with him. Seriously, you start to automatically disbelieve everything you hear, from absolutely everybody, even people you have no reason to distrust. Compulsive liars--who needs ‘em??

I am so lost
written by Lala G., 15 January, 2007

I am married to one of the world’s most wonderful men. I have been with him 12 yrs and in May it will be 10yrs of marriage. This man has given me the world, trimmed with gold and full of life. I have done nothing but hurt him. I want to stop so bad! I don’t understand why I just can’t stop! I have lost his trust, put my family in financial dept, and have pushed him so far to the edge that now I am in danger of loosing him and putting my kids through a divorce where they won’t get to see their father as much. I cry EVERY SINGLE DAY. In the shower so the kids don’t see me, in the car when they aren’t there, and in bed when he is at work. I don’t know what else to do. I don’t want to hurt him anymore. He doesn’t deserve any of this. I sometimes think that if I were gone, he and the kids could have a better life. Maybe even find someone who will deserve him. I not only love him, I am "in love" with him. I can’t imagine my life without him. So as I type this crying like a baby, WHY? WHY? WHY? I want to stop so bad. If i could take away all the pain I have caused him, I would gladly give up my life. I am so sorry. Why can’t I stop? Isn’t this the bottom? I can’t go any lower. If there is anyone out there that reads this and can help, please! Not for my sake, but for the sake of my children and my dear dear husband.

this is a nightmare!
written by j., 21 January, 2007

My life is such a joke and it feels like a bad dream I can’t wake up from. 13 years ago I got out of one abusive marriage with a liar and a cheat to yet marry another "lieing sack of crap." Out of the frying pan into the the fire I guess. Both of the fools I have married have terrible mothers... My current monster-in-law cut off association with my spouse when we got married due to the fact she did not think I was good enough to marry! Fact of the matter is... she wanted to shift this lying, dis-trustworthy, thieving bum off on someone. My spouse lies about small things, large things... he steals from our own home... and believe it or not... no drugs are involved. He is a timid mouse who is always afraid of being yelled at... loves to be controlled but yet there is a sinister, under-currant of sneaky manipulation going on here... almost like he feels so powerless with me that he secretly wants to have the upper-hand of a deception... sort of a one-up on me... or maybe he holds me responsible for that fat... stupid mother of his turning her back on him?! Who knows... but what I do know is that I am "bitter and angry" and betrayed and scared and although I can read a hundred stories of people going through the same thing... I still feel like I am all alone! My sanity is being drained each day... and I fear what will eventually happen here!

How do I get out of this?
written by lass, 26 January, 2007

It’s a relief to see I’m not alone. I have been married for 26 years – 2 sons (one from a previous relationship) and now one beautiful granddaughter. I found out about his lying one week after we got married and it has continued ever since at varying intervals. I won’t go into the times I have begged him to be honest and face up to things. It is nearly always about money and jobs.

He complains about everyone else always being wrong (never him) nothing is ever his fault.

3 years ago we went to counseling and stopped because as soon as we started to get somewhere he wouldn’t go anymore. Now I have started to see the same counselor on my own. She believes that he needs drug therapy to calm him down and counseling to sort him out.

After another major bout of lying and him being phoned daily by about 2 banks and three or four debt agencies I realized that he will never change and that I might lose my belongings (which I have paid for) if the goods are repossessed. I told him I wanted a divorce. That was five months ago. Two weeks later he had a massive heart attack (at the age of 55) and he hasn’t been well ever since. He has no family to go to – none of them will talk to him and no friends. I can’t throw him out because he will be on the street with no money and no job. I feel completely trapped and now my counselor is trying to help me see sense and regain my life.

Bed of lies?
written by EmmaJ, 30 January, 2007

I met my husband 14yrs ago. We were a really good match, I was only 17yrs old and he was 19. We dated, had lots of fun and moved in together 10 yrs ago. Lived happily ever after eh!

Well, 1 week ago I was blown out of the water, the last 2 yrs or so were a sham (probably more, he won’t quantify) and had numerous affairs with work colleagues. He has now moved in with the latest woman, I’m still reeling from the shock that the guy who adore me a few years ago could do this to me.

He is a compulsive liar given the stories/lies he used to cover his tracks and financial transactions (hotels, restaurants, drinks, etc). He involved friends/colleagues unknowingly in his deceit. Its not good to find out that he used your joint account at 3am to bail out his mistress from the bailiffs, 6 months after the event believing it to be an expense for a management course!

Well I’m going to re-build my life and find someone I deserve, as I’m a thoroughly decent person and he can live in his swamp of lies. He’s lost the best thing that ever happened to him.

Good Advise!
written by Sorrowful, 04 February, 2007

I was in the same situation as you and upon discovery of the condition found out that in addition to being a pathological sociopath she was being directed by yet another sociopath in the background, her mother. They worked as a team of very sick people as if one wasn’t enough. The mother a sociopath was not very strong, but her daughter, my wife was very strong but not very smart and together they were a sociopath that defies description. She is a pathological liar and has the commitment of a rodent, cannot get past her own feelings and need for attention that she draws from her mom under the facade of unconditional love. There is one for you. Saddest part of all, I could have helped keep it together and helped her, but I did not find out until I had been tortured for almost three years until I severed all contact from my wife and saw the aftermath. There is not enough room here to tell you of the disaster of life left for me in its wake so I will give you the lesson of experience, "Get out now and protect yourself, go where you have to and do everything in your power to get out from the influence. I am an ex Marine, para-military training and good old school philosophy training and I almost died. Death is serious, go now and do not think you can make a difference because truth is you cannot. Your life will be exactly what it is now and worse now that you know. Do not torture yourself and leave yourself open to the evil in this kind of person because life is better than that. God bless and I wish you well. With love and understanding.

Living with a compulsive liar is not easy
written by Becky Rock, 08 February, 2007

I experience your pain everyday. It’s heart breaking I know. I am with a man I love very much, and he is also a compulsive liar. I guess for me I have to weigh the good in him and overlook the bad because deep down he is truly a great guy. They say you learn from example, well in my case it is true, his mother is a compulsive liar, when that is instilled in the brain from day one it becomes habit, a way of life, its really sad but it happens to a lot of people.. and because I understand that this has been a way of life for him growing up, because I love him dearly I have come to the realization this is a way of life for him, he is not going to change I chose to except him this way. For some people they might see things different and leave, its all what your willing to except.

Becky

What do I do?
written by Val, 16 February, 2007

I have only been married for 6 months and already think about leaving on a regular basis. I discovered that my husband was lying to me a couple of weeks after being married. I don’t know how I didn’t see it sooner. I have only just now come to the realization that he is a compulsive liar and this may never change. I have no one to talk to about this because I don’t want to hurt or embarrass him. But I feel foolish and stupid to allow myself to keep being lied to. He continually spends all our money and lies to me about not having done so or having returned what he bought or deposited money, but it never shows up. He has lied to me so many times and fabricated documents, that I don’t know if I can ever trust him. SO I guess I am wondering if anyone has any advice for me. What do I do? Should I leave him or give him a chance to redeem himself? How do I get past this and work through my doubt because I can’t keep living the way I am.

Will my children turn out like him?
written by Louisa, 22 February, 2007

I have been married for almost 10 years to a man who is a compulsive liar. He is a good man when it comes to so many things, but he lies in response to any suspected conflicts as second nature. Because of that we can rarely deal with real issues genuinely, and the biggest issue keeping up from having a meaningful relationship is his compulsive lying. It is very lonely being married to him. We can never be close because his lying constantly breaks my trust. How can you be close, even have a friendship, when the foundation is not based in truth? How can he care about me if he won’t be committed to being real with me? It has been so heartbreaking to realize because growing up I always hoped I’d have a good marriage and family one day – my parents separated when I was 3, and neither of my parents were close to me because of that. I just want to have a genuine relationship. I’m sad too because I know that children learn by example. I feel like I’ve lost out on having a real relationship with a spouse – it would break my heart if my children learned his behavior as well. It would hurt their lives and their future families. And it would rob me and them from being close to each other, if they choose/learn this pattern of behavior. I don’t think divorce is the answer, but I don’t know what is. I want my husband to go to counseling. Last week he intimidated my 7 year old daughter into lying for him for the first time. I knew it and took her into another room where she hesitantly told me the truth – she didn’t want him to be upset with her. He has tried in the past to get me to agree to his reality, and now for the sake of my sanity I refuse to do this. But to start doing this with our oldest child? Something has got to change.

How it affects Children???
written by MichelleB, 28 February, 2007

Louisa, I’m very concerned for my own son as well as I cannot bear the thought that he will grow up thinking that lying is OK/Normal – it’s NOT. Like most of the stories above, my husband is a compulsive liar – he has lied about his past conquests, he has lied throughout our marriage from big to minor issues. To top it all he constantly tries to turn it round onto me claiming that i ‘Scare’ him and he has to lie as he is scared how I will react!!! I have realized today that it is not ME that scares him but TRUTH thats scares him (whether that be telling the truth or hearing the truth). Lying and deception go hand in hand, I cannot live with this anymore as I am constantly worried on a day to day basis of what i will find out next. I stayed with him because yes, I love him and yes he is a good man – his heart is in the right place – I can say this as I truly believe his compulsive lying is a ‘condition’ and needs treatment like any other ailment. However, unfortunately I am not the one who can help him anymore. It hurts when I am being blamed for breaking up the family, he really cannot see that his condition is the root of the problem. I am biting the bullet and today I have requested divorce papers. Six years is long enough and even with counseling I cannot see how he will ever change. I hope he does and it hurts like hell to think that someone else may benefit from all my hard work but I just cannot let myself be put through the daily anguish and mental cruelty that he bestows (unwittingly) on me.

Point to note on compulsive liars in my opinion – they have no close friends! I can see why now because over the years their friends have found them out and cut contact. I used to think it was lovely to have my man at home all the time but I was wrong! They find other ways to deceive and cheat on you. They pull you into a false sense of security, then blame you when you find out they have been lying, then deny everything when you provide rock solid evidence, then they charm you with words of false promises (because you love them you WANT to believe so give it another chance) then they do it all over again. Like another reader above said and she hit the nail on the head for me – it’s like he feels inadequate with me and wants to put one over me without me even knowing. I’m beginning to think he is getting a quick out of me discovering things just to get some sort of control????

Ending it
written by SharV, 14 March, 2007

I am just ending a 6 year marriage with a man who has lied to me from the start. All the same sort lies most of you have heard. My husband had told me time and time again that he had never been married. Purely by accident, I have found out that he had been married at least twice... possibly more.
This was the straw... the reason I would put up with the lies in the past was because he treated me so well. He was kind and thoughtful in every other aspect of our relationship. But the lies had begun to eat at me. I got so I couldn’t even carry on a conversation with him, because I didn’t know truth from fiction.
I consider myself an intelligent woman. I am educated, and have watched a Lifetime movie or two. I just can’t understand what possessed me.

Your Life Is Not Meant To Be Unhappy – Change It!
written by hh, 14 March, 2007

All this discussion about whether he is a compulsive liar, pathological liar, habitual liar – WHO CARES? If he is lying, the effect is the same, no matter the label.
I have just initiated a divorce after a 20 year marriage. I loved this man since I was 17, I am now 50. He has never been honest about anything. He lies about finances, where he is, who he is with, events that happen at work, things that his doctors and psychiatrists tell him. I am completely financially responsible, but through lies, deception, and forgery, he has completely financially ruined me – us; the final insult is that he is a closet homosexual. He has a "secret" porn addiction that I stumbled upon, much to my disgust and shock. He denies his homosexuality with all his being. He is either lying to me, or himself. Doesn’t really matter at this point. The divorce attorneys, his therapists, and I are the only ones who know about it. I would happily tell his family and friends the truth, but I don’t want it to get back to my daughters.

The lies just never stop; his friends and family laugh at how outrageous his stories are, how charming and funny and entertaining he is. They are not invested in his lies; as his wife, I am. I have lost all respect for him. I have lost all trust for him. When he talks to me, all I know is that his mouth is moving. I went from believing in every word he uttered, every thing he did, to believing nothing. He says he truly loved me; if he did, he threw happiness away with both hands.

I have to look at my part in all of this; I am the classic co-dependent spouse, protecting his lies, not confronting him, in order to maintain the life we had. The fear of change, of losing him, kept me in his grip. I just could not understand how I could love someone so much, have so much to give, and it could not work out.

Now that I am several months into the divorce, I can tell you this; I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted from my shoulders. I am no longer a victim. I am no longer terrorized in my own home. My dreams are no longer undermined by a partner at home that drains my energy. I am proud that I took the step to make my life better. I am getting back the self respect that I have lost. Financially, it will take a long time to get back on my feet. The job market is frightening, I have no job. But I have hope. Something I could not afford when I was in the midst of this debilitating marriage.

Get yourselves a therapist, gather your friends and family for lots of support, find a divorce attorney, and move on.

LIFE IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE THIS. YOU ARE ENTITLED TO BE HAPPY!

stefj
written by stefj, 23 March, 2007

I think I am married to a compulsive liar. It’s frustrating, because that seems like a nice way to put it. To me he just seems selfish and uncaring about how his lies make me feel.

I thought I lost my sanity
written by This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it , 09 April, 2007

I realized my husband was a compulsive liar when I returned from a deployment last year. It has been a long year and I am now just regaining control of my sanity. He has done things in the past, but after reading many responses above, am now realizing that I have been living a lie for the duration of my marriage, this year being the worst. When I first found out what he did while I was gone, financially draining our savings, I was in total shock, I went numb. I began to wonder who was this person I am married to. Then a domino effect happened, month after month, lie after lie... fabricated stories that never happened, porn addiction, and just totally living two separate lives. I had to see a psychiatrist to determine the level of sanity I had left. Believe it or not, the psychiatrist told me, at our first session, I was recommended to leave my husband. A person that thrives on lying is immature, immoral, and a toxin to the person that has to endure that life. I was totally shocked in hopes to save our marriage. But, it has only continued. I don’t think my saga will ever end – as one individual noted above – will it ever end? I don’t know – do I want to live like this for the rest of my life. I am just now regaining my sanity and have given my husband an ultimatum. We are seeing therapy and if it doesn’t work out or improve, it’s over. Life is to short to live in pain and misery. I have to much to live for, my children. ~Maria-Lani~

written by shar, 14 April, 2007

I’m glad to have broken the ties. My husband continued to lie to me until I refused to talk to him anymore. He told me he was never married and had no children. I have since found out about 3 marriages (plus ours) and two children.
About two years ago he went through treatment for cancer. He was telling me that the cancer had come back and he needed surgery. Two days ago the doctors office called and left a message telling him everything looked good, and not to come back for three months. I really beat myself up about leaving him while he’s sick...and he used that to his advantage.
I’m glad to be without him... and I like being alone. I’m in a good place.

written by Ms Tammy, 24 May, 2007

I was engaged to a pathological liar – not my word for him, but the woman we started seeing for premarital counseling. We only had one session before I found out that he was dating many other women, telling old girlfriends that he still loved them, etc. He swore that he loved me and would do anything to change. He gave me access to his email so ‘I could see that he’s not up to anything.’ That’s when things got really weird – I realized that it wasn’t just cheating. He would send emails even to guy friends about things that never happened, such as his phone being stolen by a pickpocket. I was with him the whole day it supposedly happened and I know it didn’t happen. We wanted to buy a house together and I don’t know if he had as much in savings as he said, I know that he had more debt than he had told me about.

I can’t believe it took me so long to realize that he lied non-stop. If faced with telling the truth-even when I had proof, he would still lie. Even when there is nothing at stake, he still lies. The weird thing is that I still find myself drawn to him. I am still seeing the same counselor that he and I had started seeing together, she tells me that the lies have become normal to me and I’m as addicted to listening to them as he is to telling them. I try to stay away and ignore his attempts at contact. I agreed to have lunch with him last weekend. He seemed nervous for a while and we had a nice enough conversation. Towards the end I started to feel upset and get a little teary. I looked over at him, and the look on his face startled me – he looked happy and excited. He’s the vulture and I’m the carcass. Don’t think I’m feeling completely sorry for myself. I know that there are things I overlooked or ignored about him, and I want to make sure that I won’t allow myself to do that in the future. I completely agree with the earlier post about the liar’s feelings of inadequacy and desire to control or feel equal through deception.

written by Darren Lapton, 10 June, 2007

I feel your pain. My WIFE is a liar. She has lied to me since we were dating in 1990. Married two years later, I later find out she had lied about being abused as a child. I forgave her for that lie,it was pure pain. I then am told that I am like the abuser and that she does not love me the same. A few days later she meet with her boyfriend, spent 4 hours in his truck at a park, (talking and one kiss she says). She promised to break it off, found out she did not. He would not call her (as I told him it would be ugly if he did) so she started calling him. Went through marriage counseling. She kept on. Yesterday she got a text message from him, lied about it, I finally got the truth out of her, she admits to riding by his house yesterday too. How much more can I take, I forgive, she lies, I trust, she lies. She has a problem, I want to leave after 15 years of marriage w/ two kids, I just want it to stop! Will she ever tell the truth!

written by Confused in AZ, 29 June, 2007

It is so nice to hear that other people have similar problems. My husband and I separated about 7 months ago because he said I wasn’t giving him what he needed. At the time he was also emailing another woman. To this day he denies an affair even though I found anniversary cards from her, photos, etc. He tells me it was a set-up to see if I was snooping. The problem is he has been lying to me since the day we met. He told me he had a degree, but when I tried to order transcripts they have no record of him. He swears up and down that he does, but decides to do another degree. He lies about money, he lies about everything. It makes me sick to my stomach. In the end he told me that he doesn’t think I like him or respect him. I think that he is right as I don’t believe anything that comes out of his mouth. He was just fired for lying, but he doesn’t see it as that. He says she had it in for him and now I just found out something else he did at work. Right now we are in talks of getting back together, but when these lies pop up on top of everything else I just don’t know if I want to get back into that. I am so afraid that my kids are going to grow up to be lairs. I am so honest so this lying drives me crazy, yet I always forgive and forget. I just wish I could trust him.

written by MISERABLE AND DEPRESSED IS MY, 24 July, 2007

My husband, of one month, is the biggest liar that I have ever met in my whole life. We have been together for eight years. I’ve been with him since I was 17 years old. My life is a nightmare 75% of the time and wonderful 25%. I have the worst monster-in-law so he has learned from the best. She has dedicated her every breath to ruining my life and he lets her. They work together. They are both manipulative and part evil. She has always hated me, but in front of others I’m her best friend. He plays games with my head and I feel like I’m going crazy. On the other hand he treats me like a queen, I fell in love with him because he is sweet, charming, always knows what to say, definitely a handsome man, he opens doors for me – makes breakfast in bed and not just on special occasions, and he works hard to support our daughter. Then he screws all that up when he lies about everything. I mean everything, all the time, every single day. Every day since the day we met he has lied about something no matter how small or big, or how stupid or important. It never fails. I do not believe anything he says at all. But I love him. Its so bad that I almost see him as a child most of the time anymore its almost as if he can’t be held responsible for his own actions. I don’t ask for much all I want is a normal life. Our daughter has even picked up on these "games". She has figured out how to manipulate situations to get what she wants. She sees Nana and Daddy doing this. Basically my "spirit" is broken. I am sad a lot. He is always feeding me a bunch of crap and the times when I’m dumb enough to believe it I get my hopes up, only to be shattered shortly after. Therefore its very difficult to get out of this depression when all of my own hopes and dreams seem so far away. I am physically, emotionally, and mentally drained. I’m torn between my heart and my head. Even though my heart is broken daily. He has changed a little. I know he is trying, and I also know that his mother has done this very same thing to him his whole life (his whole family too some are like her and the rest are also victims themselves). I know he doesn’t want to be like that, not a lot of people do. In general people want to be liked. He has never lived or been shown any other way -- until me. I just want to be happy. I want that to include him but I don’t think that it is going to be possible, which sucks after all the years that I have been fighting to have that very thing. Should I give up? OR Should I keep fighting? Any suggestions would be appreciated. I will write back with thanks.

written by BB, 29 July, 2007

Oh my god. I am reading this and can’t believe there is an actual website and forum for what is tearing my family apart. I married a man six years ago that I thought that I thought was the person I was meant to be with. He had this way of making me feel that was incredible. I don’t know when it went downhill, it wasn’t long after we married that I started catching him in lies. I noticed when we were dating that he would exaggerate stories, and tell little white lies, but isn’t that normal. I know a ton of men that exaggerate their stories, the fish I caught was this big, or I told the cop blah blah blah when he pulled me over, and I know a ton of men that tell little white lies, I can’t come over because my son isn’t feeling good, etc. But it has gotten so out of control. He has cheated on me three times that I know of, I forgave every time and we went to therapy. I finally started thinking that things were getting better and then bam another huge lie. The sad part is that there was a part of me that thought thank god he wasn’t with another woman. This time I left though. Hotel last night and hotel again tonight. My two boys, yeah did I mention that my precious young boys think I am staying with my sister who is sick. Does this ever end? Do these liars hit rock bottom ever? Do they ever look into their children’s eyes and realize they have got to get some help, they have to salvage their lives? Have I lost, Have I failed...

written by SR – Trinidad, 01 August, 2007

I am so glad that I have found this site because I thought that I was losing my mind trying to deal with my lying husband... I though that I was in this alone and reading all these stories its like reading different chapters of my life... I’ve been with my husband since I was 14... I’m 27 now and we’ve been married for 3 years... but from the beginning while we were in school to up to last night he has been lying to me and I’ve reached a point where I don’t know what to do... I don’t believe in divorce... I believe that what God has joined together no man can divide... but I can’t take it anymore I feel as though I’m losing my sanity.......

written by I can’t believe this is my lif, 16 August, 2007

I feel so relieved to know I’m not alone. I am reading my life story over and over in your comments. About 5 months ago, I found out that everything my husband of 7 years had told me about his life was made up--a complete lie. I filed for divorce within two weeks--there had been so many lies before about things big and small that this was the final straw for me. We separated about 3 months ago and I feel that a huge load has been lifted off my shoulders. I am devastated, angry, lonely, and depressed, but I am determined to come out of this stronger and happier. I have two young children, ages 2 and 4 and they are by far my biggest concern. He wants joint custody and I can’t say he’s been a bad dad because he hasn’t. But I am so concerned about my kids being exposed to him and his ways. I have no proof that he’s nuts and he sure doesn’t think he has any problems. I would love to talk with anyone who’s open to it--I feel so alone.

written by frustrated!, 04 September, 2007

Oh my gosh...what a relief. Even if no one talks back I can vent with others who feel my frustration. I’ve been married to my husband for
2 1/2 years. I catch him ALL the FREAKIN time lying about EVERYTHING... big or small. when we first started dating I believed it, the I caught on, started doing a little research on what he was telling me, and today I confront EVERY STATEMENT that I think MIGHT be a lie. I mean everything. If he tells me he did 3 loads of dishes I question him on it... cause it’s probably 1 or 2. Seriously I question everything, and always tell him to "quit exaggerating" even if we’re with other people! I go out of my way to point out his lies and exaggerations even if it embarrasses him. If he wants to play... I can play back!! Hang in there girls!!

written by maaike, 17 September, 2007

This forum has given me real strength and I keep coming back to it in order to re-affirm that I have not got it all wrong, that I was not going crazy, that it is not all my fault... you and I are all doing the same thing and ruining our lives by questioning ourselves and hoping and trying and then trying some more. There is NO point! I was with my partner for 12 years and became an incredibly anxious, nervous, desperate and depressed person. Even if I KNEW the truth, he lied so convincingly that I thought I must have got it all wrong (despite evidence to the contrary) or I must be going completely crazy! He would of course tell me I was quite mad and paranoid.... We got married 5 years ago and as soon as we did he went into overdrive lying. I had, before we got married, found out he had an affair. We split up for 10 months – but in the end he convinced me that it was over and that we should marry. 5 Years later he told a marriage guidance counselor that he never had an affair. When I pointed out that he had been on holiday with her he denied that. When I put to him that he went to Indonesia with her the counselor asked if he went to Indonesia. He admitted that but stated ‘she just happened to go there as well’. When the counselor asked if they had spent the time together he did admit this. She laughed! And eventually told me to get out as he was a compulsive liar and a control freak and would never change! It took me another year, losing more confidence, feeling very panicky, depressed and forever questioning myself – before I decided I could take no more. We are now divorced – but he still writes me emails and even now he tells me gigantic lies in those mails. He very obviously has got some other woman – as I bumped into him with her – and lots of things have become clear since we split up. He never stopped lie-ing and probably had more than just the 2 affairs I am aware of........

I have finally decided not to have any contact with him at all – and am not responding to his mails anymore. What’s the point?

I still feel anxious and have a notion that I am in some way ‘addicted to this liar... it will take time – but things ARE starting to feel better and there are days that I manage to feel quite peaceful with myself.

I have wasted a lot of my life and energy and above all, my love and trust on this person. He will do it again and again. He has done the same with the wife he had before me and he will do it again with someone new.

I am 53 and have a good job – my kids left home years ago and are settled. I only wish I had stopped it all years ago! But there is still a lot of life left!

So to anyone in the same situation. Get out, get out, get out!! All you achieve is having you head f...ed up, being sad and depressed and anxious and wasting your lief! Surely no other person (however charming or nice they are in other aspects) is worth throwing your life away for???

written by lodi girl, 19 September, 2007

Wow. My stomach aches from reading stories I could have written almost word for word. Finally free from a compulsive liar since 2004, after seven years and two daughters, I am still haunted by the destruction that man caused from his compulsive lying. I TRULY thought I was one in a million experiencing this insanity. Sure it occurred in psychology text books, but to be married to a compulsive liar, what were the chances. He is still the same. But now without a family to love and be loved by, he is homeless, jobless and on drugs, but in his words he makes great money, works as a independent contractor and chooses to live with his mother because it is convenient, and not having a car is due to high gas prices, not because he lost his license due to drug convictions. He doesn’t pay child support because he needs to save his money to start a wood carving business.. And of course the 75 pound weight loss is from a healthy lifestyle not the meth you have been busted with 3 times.
I still break out in hives after talking to him and my self esteem is only slowly coming back. But I will survive....
Last word ladies. RUN and never look back.

written by Married in Florida, 09 October, 2007

Wow. My heart goes out to everyone here. I am going through the same thing. Lies Lies Lies, and for no apparent reasons. My wife and I have four children together. They love their mommy and she loves them... But she is sick... What the hell is the "right thing" to do. Nobody seems to have a practical, guaranteed solution. I hope and pray the everyone on this forum comes to peace in their family. God Bless.

written by ames, 14 October, 2007

I’m so sorry that all of you are going through that same thing as I am.
I too married a compulsive liar. I didn’t know it of course. I’ve know for many many years that he had a lying problem. It wasn’t until doing some research recently, that he indeed was a compulsive liar.
So many things said here are the same. One being is that he lied from day one. Yes, mine did too. But again, we didn’t know what we were getting ourselves into. I’ve been a trusting wife, and he took advantage of that, stole 12 years of my life, and has nearly taken my sanity away. I have never felt like "I" needed to be put away and locked up for craziness. This is what they do. Make us question ourselves.
My husband is also physically abusive.
The lies are so ridiculous that no other human being would believe them except him. I truly believe that he doesn’t see his lies as lies, but as the truth. I fear he is deeply mentally ill. We are separated right now.
I’ve told him we are going to marital counseling and then family counseling because my daughter deserves to have her feelings heard.
He has cheated on me, how many times? I don’t know. One of the affairs is with my sister. The lies about that are the most crazy. The only thing he has ever admitted regarding her, is that he drives by her house, but contends that the reason is because "it’s an alternate route home" or "it’s on the way". It’s about as OUT OF THE WAY as possible. I asked him again yesterday about it, he gave the same answer in the same tone with the same words. I knew then, he was insane. He angrily yelled on the phone that "IT’S ON THE WAY". If you all could see how out of the way it is.

Compulsive liars, I believe are serious addicts, and I’ve found him to be absolutely without remorse. Stone cold. Sure, he’s apologized for f-ing things up. But I don’t believe he is truly sorry.
My daughter grieves for the daddy she wishes she had had. She’s 11. When confronted with hard copy evidence of his lies, he still denies. This I will never understand.

Over the 12 years I wasted on this man, he has spun so many lies he couldn’t keep up with them. I question every single thing he has ever told me. Now, in retrospect, I look at the things he’s told me, and I find them completely absurd and highly unlikely or possible to have ever occurred.

They care only about themselves. If you think they ever loved you, you are dead wrong. They do not love their children. They only care about themselves and how they look to other people. My husband has stolen my family. They all hate me, and I never did anything to them. I have not one person to call to talk to. No one but him. And I think he wants it that way. I believe he has told my family lies so they will hate me. My own mother even.
Worst of all, he is perfect in her eyes, and she gets angry and will not hear of anything negative about him.
I have no mother. She believes him. She hasn’t even called me once over the last several months to see how I am.
The pain he’s caused me is unbearable. I’ve had very dark thoughts b/c of this. I have started individual counseling. May it bring some sense to this whole thing. May I be validated as the decent, caring, trusting person that I’ve always been. One that despises liars and seeks only truth.

I hope I someday heal from the hell that has been my life. The man I married never existed. This hurts worst. He NEVER EXISTED. I gave him my all, he took everything.

I pray for us all

written by sscott, 22 October, 2007

Okay... on the one hand, it is comforting to know that I’m not the only person going through all of this right now (even though I have no one I can talk to about it, so it certainly FEELS that way). But, on the other hand, I feel that it’s HORRIBLE that ANY of us are going through this!

I am REALLY unsure of what to do because I’m still demented enough to really love this man I married, despite the fact that he consistently lies about things – big and small – on a VERY regular basis. He lied for months about being addicted to online pornography. Of course he insists that he has never or would never cheat on me, but how am I supposed to believe ANYTHING that comes out of his mouth? He lies about the smallest thing too – such as when I asked him if he had a chance to order something we had discussed buying, he said he had not gotten around to it yet, but he would try to do it today and I had already gotten a phone call from the company confirming the order! It doesn’t make sense! Why would anyone lie about something like that? I have tried confronting him about things and that does absolutely no good. He will look me right in the eyes and lie about it – not once or twice, but MANY times. Like others have written before me, I will provide documentation and he STILL lies! I just don’t understand it. And, the unfortunate thing is that everyone outside of our relationship thinks he walks on water. They would NEVER understand – or even believe – what I’m going through. It makes me sick.

written by Leanne, 31 October, 2007

3 yrs for me. Is he mentally ill, or just a pathological LIAR?? Really doesn’t matter I guess. He ripped my world apart, deceived me, betrayed me, and crushed any trust I ever had in him. My heart bleeds... But like Ames says... the man I thought loved me so dearly... HE NEVER DID EXIST... Can’t help but pity the poor guy. What a way to live your life. Preying on and hurting others. Shattering hearts and lives... Crying shame.

written by Lisa G, 01 January, 2008

Comment to Lala G. I have been through what you’re going through. You are insecure and afraid of losing this person. You also have a low self esteem. You mess up because you see yourself as a mess up. Stop being afraid to tell the truth. Do something for yourself and realize that you are somebody. Stop depending on acceptance from anyone other than yourself. You are special. Love yourself and stop lying to yourself and others everyday. You are valuable. you don’t have to lie or be something that you are not to be special. You already are.

written by truthseeker45, 15 January, 2008

Hi everyone,
{hugs ) for everyone who is in pain due to the CL in their life. I have been observing for a month now.
I am seeing a pattern in all of the posts. Btw, I too was dating a CL for approx 1 1/2 yrs. Bucket overflowed.
The pain of STAYING with a CL is WORSE than the pain of LEAVING.(in my case) I threw him out 6 months ago, tried dating, lies didn’t stop.
I went for counseling for a year to deal with the CL in my life, didn’t help...WHEN I found this board, it was the validation that I needed. I wasn’t crazy. It wasn’t ME. I have many things to say I think would be helpful to the majority of you all because I’m am one of those people (former psych major) I have to analyze everything. My counselor told me "doesn’t matter why" he lies... PERIOD... (not good enough for me)
I have to know WHY?..I did research, research and found this board and I found something on this board that I didn’t get in counseling or anywhere else.
In my humble opinion, I think we ALL just need/ needed to know 4 things (FACTS) (all I can think of at the moment)
1) WE"RE not crazy, we’re NOT going insane,
2) It’s NOT our fault (case in point, it’s not EVEN about "us")
3. We ALL need/needed to be "VALIDATED"
4. We Indeed are NOT ALONE in this diabolical dysfunctional relationship w/ the CL

I see a pattern. We all have the same "doubtful" thoughts and we ALL appear to have the same "doubtful" feelings.
I just want to say this.... FEELINGS are REAL, they’re not right or wrong, their ours, we OWN them, if something does NOT (((( feel ))))
right, THAT is our body/mind telling us "WOW, something isn’t right here? Am I right? It’s our bodies way of telling us WOOOOOW!...STOP!...this is NOT Right!
okay, I want to share this...Last relationship I was w/ a heroin addict...Lucky ME, 2 Mr wonderful’s in a row.(not proud of admitting this)
but trying to share hope, knowledge and experience
w/ all of you loving, heartwarming people on here.
Lying associated w/ the H addict was a tad bit different than someone who lies compulsive (without drugs or alcohol)
But what’s ironic is that the heroin addict (who also is big hearted) but if I told you what he told me everything he did way before he met me (I’m very forgiving and BIG hearted) you wouldn’t pick him up off the side of the street if he was homeless and freezing to death.. He actually TAUGHT me how the mind of an addict thinks, he educated me (don’t care about the addiction part) as much as the manipulating, conning part of playing on people’s weakness’, how he lied, why he lied...
okay so I learned my lesson/lessons from him... I moved on... then I met my wonderful CL #2...
Yeah..I’m thinking HOW THE H*LL (the intelligent person that I am), end up with another sick person)
Is SH*T magnet written on my forehead??????/
I learned this: I went to Naranon on the internet...I learned THIS.
ADDICTS, ALCOHOLICS, SOCIOPATHS, or CL, etc
Call it whatever the DSMR book calls it....in the real world, it comes down to this and I hope this gives some or all of you comfort...... When someone has a disorder or disease....it’s a FAMILY disease....someone does drugs....their NOT the only one that suffers the DISEASE or DISORDER, EVERYONE around them, family, friends
we SUFFER the AFFECTS of the disease or disorder. WE suffer the illness ALSO..
Case in point, If someone has a mental problem, mental disorder, addiction, or multiple diagnosis. the ones that love the sick person, related to them, associate with them, SUFFER THE DISEASE OR DISORDER also.
I hope this helps somebody. I did not get this from a book.

written by truthseeker45, 15 January, 2008

I couldn’t fit everything in one post
HERE"S THE CONTINUATION OF THE LAST POST!
I learned it from experience and others’ experience.. It’s NOT about US... I have more to say but can’t remember everything at once. I have memory problems due to a medical problem. (boring) so my heart goes out to ALL of you.
One more thing before I come back and post,
KNOW THIS....As long as you are AWARE that something is NOT Right (the lying and all) the fact that you ARE AWARE of it means that you’re NO where NEAR to being crazy or insane...It’s NORMAL to doubt yourself after being with someone "untrustworthy." You might FEEL insane but you’re not. If you DIDN’T feel crazy or insane after being w/ a CL, then I think you SHOULD
worry...then you would probably be in DENIAL..
All of the posts I’ve read on here, I want to tell you all this :..I’m hearing your pain and I am NO expert and don’t care about being right or wrong but I want to say that you’re ALL PERFECTLY COGNITIVELY INTACT.
You might be confused, torn , devastated, in a rage, in a state of despondency, but "this too shall pass" It’s NOT YOUR FAULT, you’re not weak, you’re not stupid, you’re not crazy and you’re powerless over the CL.
You can’t help someone that doesn’t WANT help, furthermore if they don’t EVEN realize they HAVE a problem, their in DENIAL....THEY CANNOT BE HELPED!
(just remembered, this is the 3rd liar I’ve been with)
If you can’t define or admit the problem, how can you come up with a solution? (this is just MY thinking)
My heart goes out to all of you and PLEASE try not
to do that "why me" thing... think this instead
"okay NOW I know, I hurt, ask God to tell you what the right
next move is?..It worked for me.
Sorry, ignore that last thing if you’re not spiritual.
I’m not on here to bible-thump.
hugs to everyone!
Oh, did I mention (details don’t matter) former CL broke my spirit SO bad last nite that I hurt so bad, I broke down and did the ONLY thing I have left. I Prayed for the sicko!
ps
there’s knowledge and wisdom AFTER the pain and w/ pain.
You end up WISER, STRONGER and SMARTER
been there done that, seems like my life story
hugs to everyone

written by Frankly, 31 January, 2008

I read a lot of the posts here and I know what most of you are feeling. My wife of seventeen years has been lying to me right from the beginning. I didn’t know it right away, if fact, I sort of rationalized her lies away for several years. Quick background, we were both married before and had custody of our individual children and received child support form our respective ex-spouses. About eight years into our marriage my ex-wife apparently stopped paying support ($62.50 twice a month). This went on for over a year with me asking about whether the checks were arriving. When I received a check, I noticed the statement that my ex was not in arrears. I asked my wife if she had seen any checks, she said no. It turns out that she had been forging my name and cashing and spending the checks. When confronted she justified it by saying she was buying groceries with the money. I told her her actions were despicable and that she needed to be honest from then on. She said "I’m sorry." and that was it.

About a year later I was doing an online credit check and found four maxed out credit cards. One to our home address, two to her business and one to her mother’s address. I asked her about them and she admitted to all but the one to her mothers address. I asked if her mother was committing fraud and she said, ‘she must be, because it isn’t my card.’

A year later her business failed and in order to pay all the bills including all of the credit cards, she talked me into using my retirement to pay it off. I agreed to do it on the promise that she would at least make additional cash payments on the mortgage so we would be free of it by the time I retired. Once she found a job, I had to remind her of her promise. She made two payments and never payed again. A few months later I noticed a cell phone charger in her car. Knowing I would say that if she could pay for a cell phone, she could at least try to keep her promise, she denied that it was her cell phone and that the chargers were for phones she used to have (it was still plugged into the power outlet in the car). She continued denying that she had a cell phone until I opened the bill (I had thought it was some offer from out land line phone which was the same company Verizon). I called her number and mentioned how strange it was to hear her voice on a phone she didn’t have. That was pretty much the last time I believed her about anything. Now that I am no longer in denial about her honesty, I can see that she lies about just about everything.

A few weeks ago she asked me if I still loved her and I told her no. She wants to stay together and promises to change. I can’t believe her. The only reason I didn’t leave with the check fraud and other things was I really didn’t want to put either daughter through a second divorce. They are both out of the house now so there is no reason to stay. My religious beliefs have also been something that have kept me from divorcing her. I can’t trust her words or motives and I don’t love her, yet I am reluctant to throw away 17 years of marriage. I don’t know if I can or even want to save the marriage from divorce. I am 57 and she is 51 and I am a little afraid of being old and alone. I don’t think we can stay together much longer.

written by From NZ, 09 February, 2008

Yeah, well I’ve been married for nearly 18 years and boy, can I relate to what’s already been said! I have suggested counseling, to no avail. We have two young boys, which makes things all that harder!

written by Elizabeth1, 17 February, 2008

I’ve only been married for a year and a half to a compulsive liar. We had been together for 8 years prior, on and off. He cheated on me in the years before we got married – once that I know about. But I was still stupid enough to marry him. I suffer from being unable to believe that someone who says "I love you" could lie to my face. That’s why I have pretended not to know that he’s lying to me about almost everything. At least he hasn’t spent all our/my money. He seems to get his parents to bail him out of any situations like that.
We just went through IVF after not being able to have a baby naturally. He walked out on me at 10 weeks, apparently "confused and unsure" about being a father. He said he needed time to figure out how he was going to support us. What he was really doing was renting another place, lying about where he was staying, and buying flowers & dinner for I don’t know who. I know this because I opened his bank statement. I have finally told people close to me about what’s going on. I’ve been protecting him for years. Now I have to protect myself and our baby, so I am leaving our home and my job to physically remove myself from any more of his screwing with my head. I hope that being out of this environment will let me break the cycle of discovering the lies, then believing the lies that cover it up. It’s amazing how we can doubt what we know to be 100% right, isn’t it?

written by Jill S., 10 April, 2008

My husband is a Compulsive Liar. He has lied so much that he believes everything he says. He has destroyed all trust in his only son, his family, friends,and most of all Me. He had an affair with another woman and is now living with her and lying to her to. We would have been married for 16 years this year and our marriage is now moving toward divorce. My son who is 13 is at the point where he wants nothing to do with or have no contact with his father because of all the lies and deceit. He has said some very hurtful things to us and the relationships are at the point of no repair. I feel for everyone in this situation.

written by Mikey, 13 April, 2008

Its not just men, women too. My wife cannot tell the truth, period. You ask a question and get several different answers that do not correspond with one another. Then the admission of the lie and you are made to be the bad person because you "caught" the lie. Seriously seek professional help!

written by lb, 15 April, 2008

I too am married to a liar. He was a broke ass hoosier when I met him and he has spent us into the poor house over and over. The only reason I am still here is because I have been told that the state we live in (Missouri) would make me pay 50% of all debt and I simply cannot afford to do that on my current salary and be able to pay my own bills too. He refuses to file bankruptcy, never mind that he berated me until I filed 8 years ago. He said that me filing BK would make his life easier.

He lies about pretty much everything. He is the greatest, the best, etc. Does not have any close friends at all, has chased away all of my friends with his paranoia and jealousy. Says that he runs the entire operation at work but you wouldn’t know it by his paychecks. He is without a doubt the biggest loser in the world. He’s a fat lazy drunk too. I swear if I have to listen to him bitch one more time about being fat. Lies when you ask if he stayed true to his diet, if he drank 12 beers, etc. Spends money like no tomorrow. I actually had my own home, money in the bank and it’s all gone. Shame on me for falling for all of this. I have been to the edge of the abyss one time too many with this turd. I feel like my time has run out. I hate even going home.

written by mom, 22 April, 2008

I cannot believe there are so many of us! I have 3 kids with a man who is a compulsive liar. They adore him and he is a great dad so I do not know what to do. His lies have put us in HUGE debt and he will not stop. I do not want a divorce but I know I cannot trust him. What should I do? My kids are so young. A divorce would destroy them and they are my first priority.

written by RonS, 22 April, 2008

I guess I am fortunate to have found out before things got too deep in my relationship. I dated this woman for two years and still love her, but had to end it this past week. Everything she says is a lie and she lies about obvious things when there is no reason for it. I only discovered what was going on after realizing she was being unfaithful. I’d like for her to get help, but based on my conversations with her, I don’t think she realizes she has a problem.

written by ShiMe, 18 June, 2008

THANK GOD, THANK GOD, THANK GOD FOR THIS WEBSITE!!! I am really grateful that this website was divinely sent to me (along with other inspirations to get the hell out now!) because it came at the time when I was again feeling lonely and doubting my decision to leave a compulsive/pathological liar. After 2 months and 3 wks of meeting the man with that I thought dreams were made of, last week it this all blew up in my face because of me finding out how much of a human chameleon this man is. After having empty and pedestrian dating experiences for almost 3 years, I was so elated to finally be in the company of a man who made me feel those pubescent butterflies in my stomach that one gets when they have met someone that they feel they want to spend forever with. Our togetherness felt so natural, so right, and so wonderful that I experienced a natural high whenever I thought of him. THEN, all hell broke loss and I discovered that this man was making several other women feel the same way. I had began to suspect it because my I have a very strong intuitive spirit, but my logic sometimes gets the best of me. On several occasions when I knew that his story wasn’t adding up, I would literally have vivid, I mean very lucid dreams of him being with other women and I would wake up in tears and in emotional/physical pain. I had become that connected to the man in such a short time. When I told him about these dreams and my premonitions, he said that I was insecure, that I was letting old baggage taint our relationship. That I was crazy for thinking that he would ever do anything to hurt me. As I look back, this man had told me exactly who he was from the beginning, but I wanted to believe otherwise. The elaborate stories about other women, about his businesses, about his material gains were mostly lies. Funny things is that these people have mastered the art of game playing so well that it is a bona fide sport for them that they refuse to lose. He was able to make a blind man think that he could see and a fat woman believe that she as a svelte as Karen Carpenter. Found out about the other women and tried to warn them and they all turned on me. He has been begging me back, and I admit, that there is this part of me that misses what I thought I had. Since I am a licensed counselor, I find myself wanting to help him, but i know it’s a conflict of interest because I shouldn’t be taking on my lover (whose in denial about who he is) as a client. No Way! After reading this site, I am so done with him that you can stick a fork in it! Thank you all so much for sharing and giving me the thought provoking forewarning and the courage to get the HELL Away from this man quick fast and a hurry! My life means to much for me to let it fall by the waste side of someone that chooses to deal with people’s heart haphazardly.

written by Caramelcharn, 12 July, 2008

Hi everyone, thank you all so much for sharing your stories, I too felt alone and as though I was going crazy but now I know that I am not.

I an 26 and have been with my C/L for seven years. He also lied to me from day one. So many lies I don’t know where to start. For instance when I first met him he had a daughter of 2 months old, he told me the mother was crazy, like his mother and now like me according to him, now I know why because we all have him in common lol, anyway I found text messages to hear saying how about it for old times sake! I took him back, he cheated on me denied it and finally admitted to it a year later, I took him back, cheated on me again with a colleague and put her name under a mans name, took him back, found numerous voicemails and texts to and from women he made lies and I did what!! Yes took him back, he went on holiday without telling me, then he said he went to Spain, I found pictures of him on a Ayia Napa website with no top on stage! We had broken up and I was devastated and he was in Ayia Napa, he has lied about jobs, cars, women, money and the latest I have found out is that he left his job or got sacked and has been getting up each morning pretending to go to work, id call him and it would be silent and he’d say that he is having a fag, I finally plucked up the courage to call his work phone and was told he no longer works there, he finally admitted it and is still telling me lies, I’ve had enough, last year I got an injunction on him and we were separated for 6 months and then I took him back, due to being lonely and scared and hoping he had changed after 6 months and that he really loved me what a fool, but sometimes I truly believe he does love me but cant help it – his family, my family and friends all tell me to get out but I love him, we have been separated for two weeks now and I try to keep strong, one day I’m angry the next tearful its so hard and the worst thing is I really want a baby and cant imagine a life without children and really wanted to start planning this year how could I have children with a liar who will break their tiny hearts too like he has his daughter? Please help, love and messages of support

God bless

written by maaike, 18 July, 2008

He won’t change. Please, don’t waste any more time on him. I know it is hard to stop – it took me almost 13 years and I still struggle some of the time – almost 2 years after we split up for good. It is almost an addiction, but if you want to, you can beat it! These guys are really controlling and for some idiotic reason we do things that are really very much out of character. I also put up with affairs and tried and tried and tried again. Very demeaning! Become your own woman again! You are young – plenty of time to find a nice new bloke and have kids.....

It is actually better being lonely on your own than being lonely in a relationship. And bit by bit you will find peace and won’t be so ridiculously nervous, tense, upset, tearful, emotionally dependent.

I thought I would never get over him, but although it is taking time, I can feel myself taking more and more control of my life and have started laughing, singing along with the radio and being ‘me’ again. And you know what? I like myself better this way – without him. MUCH better. And so will you!

And we all think we love them – so make a list of the things you love/like about him and another one of the things you hate/dislike about him. And be really honest! What’s the bet that the second list is a lot longer? It will help you to make that break! Yes, I miss the nice bits, but now know that I will never ever go back – you can do it too! You know this is not going anywhere and do you really want to end up on your own in 10 years time? Having wasted yet more time having your heart stamped on over and over again? If he loved you, he would NOT do this!

Do you want to throw your love at someone who is incapable of loving you? He no doubt tells you that he ‘loves you to bits’ ‘you are the love of his life’.... we have all heard the words (a CL’s blueprint!), but his actions show you that’s all they are..... words. If you love someone you do not hurt them – over and over again. And if this is an illness, do you want to be his Florence Nightingale and give up your life to it?

Again..... start enjoying life! Have kids with a nice bloke some day. for God’s sake do not have kids with this guy. Kids deserve better – as do you! Good luck!

written by joattawa, 27 July, 2008

I was with one for almost six years. I found out he was lying about being raised in Thailand,dating models,and winning the lottery. I found this out after 4 months of dating. I should have gotten out then. My friends were telling me "RUN!" I stayed in and thought we could work it through. I didn’t realize then how deep this problem is. He was a nice guy and that got me really distracted from this illness of compulsive lying. I lived with him in two apartments and then moved to a really large house over the course of 5 years. When we got to the house, we got engaged. He broke the engagement off after a few months of wedding planning. It hurt like hell, but now that I look back, I am so glad that I didn’t marry him. I wouldn’t want my life to be filled with such dishonesty. I was losing respect for him as a person. He lied about the places that he’s traveled (he didn’t even have a passport!), he lied about jobs that he never had, he lied about anything that would make him feel important. When I caught him, I would confront him. I eventually noticed that he would go out with his friends when I was at work. I figured that he could keep lying to them this way without me calling him out. At the end of the relationship he told me that his self-esteem had never been lower than it had been with me. Wow! If anything, I was trying to build him up as a person and get him to like himself without the "fluff". Ladies, if you’re willing to live like this, then go ahead.....but it’s miserable. If something does happen, you won’t know whether to stand behind you man or wonder if he’s telling the truth. This illness is hard to cure. I know if I was married to him, we would be divorced by now. I want an honest man and I was lucky to meet one once the liar dumped me. We are married now and I don’t have to worry about deception anymore. There is hope, but only if you get out!

written by Hopeless....., 20 September, 2008

I feels really good to know that I am not alone in this. I have been married to a CL for 14 years and we dated for 3 years before. After only a few months I knew something was not right, we were in an exclusive relationship and I would catch him talking to other women and then he would claim they were his cousins. He was charming, romantic and otherwise made me feel awsome. We ended up getting married and had two beautiful children right a way. He is an awsome dad but a dreadful husband. He craves attention of other women and can be very , very charming. Other women fall for him just like I did, but he tells one lie after another. If if were not for my kids, I would be gone. There is no telling how many affairs he has had, but recently one ended with an angry husband coming to my home and busting out the windows on his truck. He still insists that the guy is nuts and not him. He has gotten us so far in debt, we cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel. We tried splitting up but it tore the kids up so much, I let him come home. I love my children so much that I am willing to pretend nothing is wrong. But everything is wrong. He lies about where he goes, he has several cell phones so that I don’t know who he is talking to. I believe that he is ADHD because he starts large projects on a regular basis and takes forever (if ever to complete). Any words of wisdom will help me out right now.

written by MeghanNewOrleans, 06 November, 2008

I am responding to a post written in January of 2007, I know the person, although I haven’t met her in person but heard about her through my ex-boyfriend. I don’t want to write your name and I won’t. Your ex-husband is in the military, now stationed in New Orleans. I met your ex after he was your ex. I just wanted to let you know you were right on track about him. After I found out he was cheating on me, he denied it. Then after he was caught in the lie he only admitted to cheating once, which I found out was not true. I don’t know how you put up with his behavior for as long as you did. I was so shocked at his reaction for cheating on me, he pretty much wanted to make me believe it was all in my head. He even had several profiles of himself online, some of them were on the "meet for sex" sites. I told him that I found out about the sites and his reaction was to tell me later happily that he took his profile off. As if that would matter. Well, I just wanted to let you know that if you ever thought your marriage ended because it was your fault or if you ever second guessed yourself, it wasn’t you and I don’t think he will ever change, because in his mind he doesn’t think he did anything wrong. I doubt that you even come to this site but I wanted to talk to you about this. I guess I am wondering why a person acts and thinks that way and I am sure I will never fully understand why.

written by caged!, 14 January, 2009

Until this very moment I thought I was alone in this. I married my husband just a month after finding out he had slept with my sister, had a pornography problem, and was very comfortable with lying. I had no idea that anyone could lie about absolutely everything. I can have the proof in my hand and he will still lie. We have only been married 10 months and I feel so alone. I don’t know what to do. I feel caged in! He’s also very controlling. He follows me around the house, even to the bathroom. He isn’t happy unless he is less than a foot from me and touching me CONSTANTLY. He says I have no reason to leave the house unless he is with me. He won’t allow me to buy food or gas. He once told me if I wanted to eat I could call the church for food, meanwhile he had a cd worth $10,000 and money in the bank. But the lies are still the worst. We have dealt with other women since the month we were married. Oh God help me I think I’m going crazy.

written by K in Ind., 30 January, 2009

I really relate to all the above. I have been married for 17 yrs. Not one of them without lies I am sure. Lies mainly about money. How much he made, when he got paid, credit card debt. Spending money on my credit card. Job losses.
I have learned to hide my credit cards from him, I have a separate bank account.
I thought he would mature and learn from his mistakes. It is 17 yrs. later, and he is still lying to me about money. He lies to cover up his screw ups. I don’t find out until months later. The latest lie I uncovered cost 10,000. He took out $6000 from his 401k to pay for this mistake. He never consulted me on this decision and he lost $3000 in taxes because of it. I am the beneficiary of this money.
He can’t get a good job back in this horrible economy. He threatens to kill himself. I can’t take his lies anymore. He is pulling our family down the drain with him.
Have I mentioned he has a history of alcoholism and one DUI. Of course, I bailed him out of jail.
I know I need to divorce him.... but I am so sad that all my life has been a waste.
I am a Christian and think I should do all I can to save the marriage. I have been to counseling and so has he, but separately.
There is no fixing what has happened, and I have no hope that he will ever change. In fact, he told me as much a few weeks ago.
I have to save myself and give my kids an example of how not to stay in such a mentally abusive relationship.
I truly do believe something must be wrong with him. ADD, or just really stupid,
he has always taken an anxiety med. and says that anxiety is a lot of his problem.
But who wouldn’t be anxious in a house of cards.
I feel bad because he doesn’t have a job that makes much money. He is older, the economy is bad. I don’t want to throw him out on the street. He doesn’t have a close relationship with his parents or siblings.
But he is killing us. I can’t believe anything he tells me. I have gotten where I can see the lie on his face when I ask him a question. I trust no one now.
I can’t forsee ever putting such trust in another man again. I have many friends who can’t find a good person out there. I have little hope that I will either.
I am so ashamed of my husband’s lies and of myself for staying this long.

written by B in Ind., 31 January, 2009

I am a liar. I lie about very little things and very big things. My problem has always been with money. Living champagne dreams on a beer budget and lately more of a tap water budget. Everything from yes I let the dog out earlier before I left for work to yes I did apply for that job. 99% of the time it is true 1% is because I don’t want to hear it. I am stressed, depressed, angry, afraid, pissed off, pissed on, etc. just like everyone else. I do think I have ADD. Not an excuse, but a reality. I love my wife with all my heart. I know she deserves better and I want to be better. If I screw up I hear about it for 10 years over and over. If she does something I let it go. I don’t mean harm to my beautiful wife or my family. I want good things. I am a Christian. I am definitely not perfect. If my wife decides for me to leave or if she wants a divorce I will not fight it. Like I said. She deserves better. I will miss her. I wish I was better. If not for me, then at least for her and my family. I think that she has lost attraction for me the last few years. I don’t blame her. She is beautiful. Dark hair, eyes, keeps herself in great shape. I still get excited to see her. I will miss my best friend. If someone out there has advice for me. Let me know.

written by Please Help, 08 March, 2009

Finally, a forum for this! I’ve been married for eight months to a person I saw a future with. A couple of months after living together (in a trailer next to his parents-fun, fun), he said that the loan bills from the bank were to pay for the trailer. Later on, I found out from his dad that he wasn’t making any payments on the trailer and that the loan was for an ATV. Okay, I thought, maybe that’s it. Just something minor. Then he said that his car was in his name. And it was registered to his father I later found out. He also sent messages to female friends on the internet and although they weren’t extremely flirtatious, he never mentioned me at all. In one instance, he actually informed a girl that he was moving to go to college. Yes, WE were moving- so I could finish MY DEGREE! After that incident, I left for a couple of days, but couldn’t resist and came back for more.

We were married in July, he was stoned for the entire wedding (a great impression, I’m sure) and then we moved out of town in August. Soon after we moved, he began getting depressed, assumingly because he had no friends where we were living (though he had made no attempts, even when I encouraged him to). A week before Christmas, he was "I don’t know if I’m fired from my job." He stated that his boss was trying to fire him for not maintaining the restaurant. When I checked the emails that he wouildn’t send around me, I discovered that his boss was accusing him of smoking marijuana in the cooler at work. Whether or not this ever happened, I don’t care. What bothered me the most about it was that he lied about not being fired and that he gave his boss ammunition to fire him. The next day, he changed the password to that account. Since I know the password, as I set the account up, I knew he had changed it. But he still denied the change when confronted, and then finally admitted to his lie.

Fast-forward to Christmas.After assuring me there was nothing else he had lied about, I find out that his parents actually aren’t immigrants. They were born in Ohio in the same town he grew up in. He said it started out "as a socail experiment." I bet.

Now, out of work and out of trust, he often tells me that he is applying for jobs out of town (he is now living back with his parents and friends) and the prospects look good. He swears he hasn’t lied about anything else and wants to recover our marriage. Divorce is already on the table, and though we’re both going through individual counseling, I don’t know if any sort of counseling (couples or other) would be enough to restore my trust in him.

After readin the stories above, I just thank God that I took his debit card after he rang up $70 in unmentioned sales before it became $700.
He really is a good person with a lot of potential and though I’m sure a divorce would give me my life back, part of me still wants to save my marriage.
Any advice is strongly appreciated. Thanks and Best Wishes.

written by Why- but I am glad I am not alone, 12 March, 2009

It is like a bad dream that you want to wake up and then it will be over, but it never stops. I got married one year and a half ago. I have found out the my husband is a compulsive liar. He lie about thing that is so crazy and I also found out that he is cheating on me and continue to lie about that. I have found proof and the lady continue to call him. He had three cell phones and would take the third cell phone on vacations with us so that he could talk to the lady. I did not find out about the third phone until later. I thought we were spending time together without having a phone and he would be call the lady the entire time we would be on vacation. I feel sorry for him, he is sweet and a wonderful provider but a liar. I don’t love him like I use too. I don’t even know the man that I married. I have to ask God to help me keep my mind, it will drive you crazy if you allow it too, but I will not. I am waiting for the day that I can get out of this.

written by Datch, 06 April, 2009

Wow. It was a long time ago that this was written, but I am so glad to be finding it on this day.

The thing that leaves me confused about all of this is how do you know that his therapist said that, or that he’s really coming to terms with it? And how do you know that all that he told you about who he is false, when it may be true, and THIS may be the lie? That’s the real problem here, for me, and the reason why these relationships are impossible. You never know, you never will know, and there is no way to know, what is true and what is not, even when they "come to terms". And that’s no way to live (as we can all testify).

I am recently divorced from someone who, although I don’t know that I would call her a compulsive liar, has a definite on-again, off-again relationship with reality. Have you heard of gaslighting?

You (We) are not alone, that’s for sure. But it sure does feel like it.

The one thing I wanted to add is to ask those who have shared custody in this sort of situation (as so many have suggested)...how do you manage that? How do you manage "agreements" regarding the children if your ex spouse doesn’t tell the truth? For example, I have assurances/agreements that my ex would "never take" my child from me, and that neither of us will speak badly about the other to our daughter, but I have evidence that the first is being considered, and the second is done all the time. How can you co-parent if you can’t trust what they say, and doesn’t this make the relationship with the liar continue throughout your child’s life, even if you’re separated? These are the things that leave me feeling hopeless and alone.

written by Anna Karina, 25 April, 2009

WOW isn’t this amazing?
All these people who like me have entered the same Twilight zone.
All have pain form being lied to, disrespected and abused EMOTIONALLY.
My story is similar to all these ones.
I don’t even want to enter details otherwise it would be a long testament.
What I find here is that most of the people LOVE their partners. Now the big question is: ok, there is no perfect human beings. If we are looking for a perfect ONE, we might as well give up. But how much can we sacrifice of what we consider "normal and acceptable"? How much can we give in on learning how to perfectly understand and accept in our lives an UNPERFECTED human being?

written by louisa, 27 April, 2009

i have just found out this past month that my husband has been cheating on me.I am 8 nearly 9 months pregnant. I knew he was a liar to small things but now things have got more serious,I confronted him about this yet he manages to deny what i saw and that this is all my fault for not believing him in the first place.this to me looks like a case of controlling manipulative behavior. I have asked him to leave but he refuses,telling me that things will get better between us but i know deep down this is not the case. If there is no trust then there is nothing but at this moment i am frozen in time waiting for the inevitable birth of our baby. Then maybe i will feel strong enough to grab my life back to where it should be. To be at the hands of a compulsive liar and cheat isnt anyones fault other than the man who lays it at his table whether you decide to eat or not is only your choice.

written by anonymous, Virginia, 20 June, 2009

It’s definitely not just men who compulsively lie to their wives.
When I was 10 years old, I realized my mother was a compulsive liar. It tore my family apart and ruined my relationship with her. She even went so far as to alienate me against my own father, so I lied about him in court saying he abused me. Luckily, my dad realized what was going on and fought for my custody. Right now, my mom is past the point of no return. She lives in denial of how she’s hurt our family and still uses me to get what she wants. But compulsive liars do suffer in their self-deception. She is homeless, car-less, and doesn’t have a job or family to be with. Because she is my mother, I will always love her, but It’s hard.

Although I could go on forever describing how her lying has impacted me in various ways, I have discovered today that I am a compulsive liar too. I am 18 years old, and I have compulsively lied to my boyfriend since I met him. He has been trying to help me realize this for the last two months and only today did I TRULY realize what I’m doing. I have promised the both of us, that I will do my best to work on this. He has promised (despite his extreme heartache and feeling of betrayal) that he will try to build our trust once again. I would like to ask for advice from all of you who have been hurt by compulsive liars like my mother, and myself. If you have anything to say, or ask, let me know.

written by Elizabeth in MS, 22 June, 2009

My husband is a compulsive liar. We dated for over a year before we got married, and yeah, I caught him in a lie a time or two while dating, but I really did not see just how serious the problem was until after marriage. I guess I was still looking through rose-colored glasses, as my mom would say. Anyway, less than a year into our marriage, I realized he can look you straight in the eyes and lie like a dog, and the scary part is this – HE believes all the lies he tells. He has made up stupid stuff and he has made up elaborate lies. Usually, but not always, it is about money. I see that is the case with a lot of pathological liars.

As far as I know, he has never cheated on me. But if I ever had good reason to suspision that he had.... I couldn’t believe him if he told me he hadn’t. When presented with proof of his lies, he still denies lying. When he does own up to his lie, which most recently was just this evening, he admits no guilt, no sorrow, no wrong-doing. Just ‘yeah, I lied’... and no acknowledgment whatsoever that he is sorry for having caused heartache.

I love this man. We have a beautiful daughter, a beautiful home, a nice life – outside of these sporadic bouts of lies. I walk around sad while he walks around laughing and smiling. He either can’t see, or doesn’t care, what this is doing to me.

So eleven years into marriage, I am thinking of leaving my husband. It’s not something I haven’t thought about before – I cannot stand a liar, and knowing that I married one tears me up. I honestly do not think there is any cure for this disease of the mouth that compulsive liars seem to have. I cannot fix him. No amount of crying, begging, loving, praying, etc.... he has to decide to stop lying.

What will cause him to do that? To stop lying? Would losing me work? No, I really don’t think so. He believes too many of his own lies. I love this man, but one day I’ll love myself more and walk out of his life.

written by cindygirl125, 12 July, 2009

God i can so relate to all of you here! I’m just divorcing a serial cheat & pathological liar. My heads a mess & i need some counseling to move on in life. Over 18 years of abuse from my husband and now i’m an empty shell. He used painkillers as drugs, alcohol as an excuse to hit me, lies to cover his long term affair. Why did i stay so long?

written by Long nights, 01 August, 2009

I am on the computer now looking for cures to a horrible disease called compulsive liars. My husband of 3 years and one child (our own) has lied from day one. He has destroyed my relationship with his family, my step daughter and he is teaching my children to lie. I get sick just thinking about it, I can’t eat, sleep, work or barely function because this man has broken me. I do not love him anymore and respect for him ran out the door years ago. I cannot afford to move and he won’t leave – I just wish HE would file the divorce so that I can move. I honestly do not know this man and wish I had never met him. I do not hate anyone, but he comes an inch away from that feeling. I too live with a compulsive liar who talks trash behind my back to his family members on a monthly basis and they all hate me due to his lies. He is pitiful!

written by Lost and Lonely, 05 September, 2009

I can relate to those of you who said you married someone who you thought was someone else. My husband lied to me from the start about who he was and made endless promises to me, none of which he could keep. I ended the relationship and foolishly came back for more, later to get married. I found out eleven months into the marriage that he had lied to me about something that was a big deal to me (and he knew it; hence, the lie). I had confronted him on the subject many times but always (stupidly) trusted him in his lies and excuses despite what I thought was evidence, discarded by him.

This went on until one day when we were married almost a year (we’d been together for five years prior to that) and finally the proof was so evident that he couldn’t deny it anymore. Even admitting it, he would still try to hide it. I found that I couldn’t be happy until I accepted it, which now makes me a liar – to myself. It repulses me, and he has no desire to change. I now catch him in smaller lies because I can’t trust him anymore. I think about leaving him frequently, but I was raised against divorce, and sadly, I DO still love him in my foolish way. It’s a completely sacrificial love, though, on my part, as I am lonelier in this marriage than I ever was. The man I thought I was with DOESN’T EXIST, and I’ve been in this marriage for almost four years now. I want to have kids, but I don’t want to have them with him. He doesn’t seem to want them anyway (despite what he used to tell me), and I am afraid that if we make that step there is no way out for me. I am so lost and confused and don’t know where to go.

written by I Know Better, 27 September, 2009

First of all, Lost and Lonely do not..I repeat DO NOT have kids with him. I have been in the same position and I did have kids with the liar. Yes I love my kids but No I should not have had them with him. I knew better and you know better too. You will be okay in fact better off without him. It will be hard at first but do it. You matter!

The liars are all master manipulators so we should not feel guilty for their lies.
This is a great site 8 ways to spot a manipulator.
http://www.cassiopaea.com/cassiopaea/emotional_manipulation.htm

As for me yes I am still with the LIAR. Three kids, 20 years and no job later..Yup I’m still here, but not for long. Honestly I don’t think I could stand my self if it were one more year of lies. I love me more than any partner and when I am with a liar I don’t like me very much. I have left a few times and I always came back. Why? Lazy, finances, kids and loneliness.

This time I have a plan.
1. Expect him to attempt to manipulate me. Avoid contact except regarding our children. Get a mediator if needed.
2. File for divorce right away
3. Expect to miss him and possibly be lonely from time to time. Being alone is not always bad if you like yourself again.
4. Money may be a challenge but I know I will be okay.
5. I know it is not my fault for believing in my husband.
6. Heal enough to have a healthy relationship.
7. No matter what if I am in another relationship and I see the signs of manipulation and lies BOLT!

We all can do better and yes we matter!

written by numb and empty, 29 September, 2009

I think I am married to a compulsive liar. Some of what is posted here sounds familiar. My husband and I have been married for a year, together for five years, and he has lied the entire time. At first I thought it was only to other people, not to me. He would lie to get out of uncomfortable social situations. actually picking up the phone and talking to someone who wasn’t there so we could have an excuse to leave, and similar stuff. Or saying that we were on our way in the car, when we hadn’t left yet. seemed harmless to me. bothered me, but I told him he shouldn’t lie so much, and he seemed to stop doing it as much. Then a few months after we got married he confided in me that a huge portion of his past was a made up story. he exagerated situations, or just plain created them, and told it to everyone. From the time he was about 15 to now. He started telling me about his lies, and it seemed to help strengthen our relationship for him to be able to finally come clean with me. I felt like he was growing. But I have caught him in lies to me. small lies, big lies. The constant factor seems to be the girls. He always is getting crushes on girls at work, or inappropriate closeness. He seems to come clean about them before anything really happens, although this last time was just about at the line of physical cheating. He cries and tells me that I deserve someone better, and that he doesn’t know how to change. He is thinking about us splitting up, and I’m thinking that maybe I should let him leave...

I just don’t know what to do, because I love him. He has often come clean about the lies on his own, so it feels like it can get better, but at this point he has lied so many times blatantly to my face even when I have evidence, that I just don’t feel like I can trust a thing that he says. How do you build trust when there feels like nothing to build on?

I’m only 27. I don’t want to live in this for the rest of my life, but I had such high hopes for my marriage. I feel like a failure. I feel so stupid. And I hate the fact that it hurts so much to think of my life without him.

written by LP, 02 October, 2009

It seems alot of people are sailing in the same boat – me too married (6yrs)to a liar. HARD WORK! for the first 4 yrs, having to put up with him saying he’s off to work & then find out he’s a sleep at home, to signing my cheque book, to giving him money to pay bills, which never happened as he lost the receipt, the shop never gave him a receipt, to saying he has put the car in a garage, when infact he has sold it..., the list goes on. But I moved back home and he went to his parents, we both needed a break, and i needed time to sort my head out, after a lot of pain, tears I’ve realized, do i really want to stay in a marriage that has run its course. I feel that I have let myself down in not making my marriage work out, but honestly, it scares.. i can’t go back in that situation where i have no control over. I think what i’m saying is i want a stable, dependable safe marriage. He says he is sorry, (about a million times now), but does he really mean it?, do liars "see the light", or are we blinded by our commitments to put up with it?
Apart from that I also found out that he had been texting other women...., i can’t seem to forget & forgive, i suppose for me it was the cherry on the top!
He says that what he did was in the past, and i should forget. Does he not realize just how painful it is to find out that the person you love has betrayed you!
He is now saying that I am stubborn to give our marriage another chance, hell I am!, why should i have to put up with it, him & his lies can live happily ever after!.
I have on many times said see a counselor, but no because there is no such thing, he does not have a problem, everyone else does.
It is hard to understand a liar, the lies hurt, little ones and big ones, the blackmailing, cheap threats, the mind games, the desperate situations that you find yourself in. it’s not right on many levels so why put up with it?

don’t get me wrong i love him, but, I think my answer is simple – I love myself & my sanity more that i love him.

written by ajk, 23 October, 2009

Reading the stories here makes me hurt bc i am in the same situation. My husband lies to me and tells me all the time that he is not lying. I have caught him in some major lies in our relationship – all with good proof that he is lying, and he will only admit to a few things. He sticks to his guns even when it is completely obvious he is lying. I dont know what to do, he makes me feel crazy and then tells me he is sick of me looking over his shoulder. (I wouldn’t have to if I didn’t have to hunt for the truth!!). We have been married for almost 5 years and I love him but I dont think I can see myself putting up with this 20 years from now. He hurts me when he lies and I just want someone I can trust and feel confident in. After he was caught a few times he swore he wouldn’t lie anymore, but I know he still does. He lies to everyone; I have seen him lie to his mom, dad, boss, friends... I try to let the "little ones" go but I’m starting to wonder why I do...I dont lie to him and I feel like I deserve better. If this is the way he is, then maybe "we" shouldn’t be. I don’t know what to do. We have a 16 month old daughter and I don’t want to tell her someday that I left daddy because he lied to me all the time. How will she trust him? I don’t want to hurt their relationship. I hate this.

written by G Smith, 30 October, 2009

As I read all the comments I fault myself staying in my 13 years relationship. We have two kids together, and I just went through a miscarriage last year in Sept. He walked out on me in the hospital and never look back. When I got home he thought everything was normal. I put up with all his lies, but this I could not get over. Now he is living with his mother. She is a liar as well. I wonder do they play those games on each other. All these years I’ve been living with a stranger. I started noticing that he was different around other people when he was with me. He would talk more then I wasn’t around. When he is around me or my family he would be very quiet. Every now and then he would talk. I think he is not only a liar, but a evil man. I tried going back to church because moving to a new city was kind of hard, he stop me from doing that. Then after we had broken up he started going to church faithfully. I asked him why he was mad at me for going and he answer that he was jealous. I too is living with a stranger. I still spend time with him, but the feelings are not the same. I think am slowly getting over him. I hope so because I am tired of my heart being broken.

written by Married to a compulsive liar...thinking of leaving, 03 November, 2009

All I can say is WOW! I thought I was alone... Well, in my circle of friends and family, I am alone... When I try to tell them what my husband does and says, they don’t believe me, or if they do, they can’t wrap their mind around it. For the past 3 weeks my husband has carried on the same lie without me finding out the truth, which after 10 years is hard to do anymore since I know all of his quirks. But today I found out the truth. This one lie on top of the thousand others he has told has put me over the edge. I want to leave, I want a normal life back. The only problem is that he is in the US Army, and I am a stay at home mother of 4 children. I am stuck with no money, and no where to go...

written by Adam Arts, 10 November, 2009

Yes I am a compulsive cheating liar. I have tried to change by going to a counselor. But they do not work as I end up lying to their face too. Sometimes I do not even go though I let my fiance believe I go regularly. I think I get a kick out of lying though as it is the only thing I am good at. Plus, my mother taught me really well so it is almost like a family tradition.

written by LP, 11 November, 2009

Hi Adam Arts,
Do you really see a happy future with your fiance?, cos if you carry on lying, you are hurting the people you care about, also by saying your mum taught you well...- that’s just terrible, it’s not something to be proud of, instead you should try not to follow tradition. Be yourself, be a person people look up to, not down at. Stop lying – is it really worth it?
Take a step back, look around you..., are your parents happy, is your mum not always worried someone will find out about the lies. Are you happy, don’t you want to live a guilt free life?
Adam Arts I don’t think that lying is the only thing you are good at, you might think that now as no one has found out about the lies, but when it happens, It will not be pretty at all.
I also feel that if you want a future with your fiance – please change your ways, you never know, you might be a very good husband, father & friend.

I hope what I’ve said does not offend you in anyway, but makes you realize that you can change if you want to, just don’t make excuses to why you can’t change , you will only be fooling yourself.

I wish you all the best.

written by addy, 06 December, 2009

wow. i can relate to all of the above. seems all our liars were liars before we married them, they all seem charming and wonderful. everyone absolutely loves my husband but my life has been a nightmare. married 23 years to a liar, alcoholic, sex addict, arrogant, entitled and the list goes on. i also took him back many times because of his tears and seemingly real change for a short time and all his promises. once in the door the nightmare continues. i have lost my insanity many times. i am a born again believer and thru years of prayer and fasting and faith i believed God would save my husband who says he is a christian but now i think i see where Jesus did deliver me by getting rid of him often. i am the fool that kept taking him back. what gives me the most insanity is after 23 years of so much destruction he hasn’t the foggiest clue why i don’t trust him or like him, why i hate being home, etc. he rages and refuses to accept my feelings and denies he has any issues. is that narcissistic or what? i met him when i was 25, i’m now 50 (can’t believe it). like many others i feel i have totally wasted my youth, my life. i want out so bad it is depressing me but i am flat broke, both of our families are more for him then me, to my shock even my own family. i have lost so much by staying with this person. i do believe if someone truly comes to Christ they can change but as for me my 20 years of prayer hasn’t seemed to make that much of a difference. i love the Lord but now i must pray for myself and figure a way out of this dread. if anyone is newly in this type of situation, with a liar, please listen to all of us. don’t get married, get out while you h ave life and energy. yes it will hurt but it will hurt alot more the longer you stay. they will suck your soul right from you. you eventually get to a place you can barely function. it’s a horrible, horrible, horrible nightmare. respect yourself and leave, remembering Lots wife, "don’t look back". these people no matter how loving they "seem" and perhaps are, still operate under demonic forces who seek to destroy you. so far i have not read of one incident where someone reported a spouse actually changing. the statistics are’nt good. take heed to your heart, your soul, your sanity. my prayers are with you all, the survivors as well as the evil-doers.

written by Lela Bell, 05 January, 2010

All I can say is WOW! Like many of these comments,I’m not alone in this! I’m even dealing with the family that doesn’t believe me;I’ve worn myself completely out talking and want out. I don’t sleep,my skin is covered in acne,and it’s NEVER been like that I’m stuck until my elbow is healed, which has taken nearly 2 years already{need a job to escape}.I just wish he could change,but he’s actually regressing at his point.OMG

written by KA, 20 January, 2010

I too am married to a compulsive liar,there are too many lies to even discuss. Just like everyone else here, he lied the very first time I met him 31 years ago and the lieing has not stopped. I just uncovered several text messages from a former lover. When confronted he swear he was not dealing with her. Well I did some Elin Woods investigating and peeped in the cell phone and guess what I found her number. I told him if I ever found out again he was cheating, game over. I am looking for an apartment and will leave him in the next 60 days. I have 2 adults sons, one of which I have pleaded to not tell lies, but I guess it is hereditary. I just believe I deserve more and I do not want anymore of his drama. I know this is going to be painful but it is necessary. I have prepared a 2 page letter I am going to leave him along with the evidence attached. I am taking back my life --- I have earning power,I am smart and I am ready to do this. I understand being a compulsive liar is who he is and who he will always be. He watched his father lie to his mother for years while fathering an entire family that he never claimed. Yes it is hereditary.

written by Same thing!!!, 01 February, 2010

My husband and I have been married for 6 years and apparently he has lied to me from day one. We have two boys that love him so much, but I am so tired and cannot take this anymore. I have tried everything I possibly could but nothing has worked. People tell me he has cheated on my , but of course when I confront him about it he gets defensive and always has an excuse. I have always known in the back of my mind about the lies, but have chosen to overlook them just I could keep the peace. I have told him I want a separation, but he says its because I just dont want to be with him anymore. He does not think he has ever done wrong. The scary thing is his mom is just like him. Their personalities are identical. I just dont want my boys to turn out like him. Please any info would help.
Thanks

written by rosie 362b, 09 February, 2010

This site is incredible... everything i have been through is on here. God i really did believe somehow that i was to blame for his lies. Imagine like many other women, i’m intelligent, kind hearted and true to my word...can’t stand lies. Did they hand pick us or what?

I am in this relationship 12 years,married 10 but kicked him out 9 months ago, after supporting him for 3 years in building a buisness for him to lose t all through bad decisions.. he cutme out ,would not listen to my opinions/suggestions etc..what would i know after all!We are now in huge debt because of it. i had debated getting back with him and we discussed wiping the slate clean, put all cards oon the table...but then ifound out that he had received 3000euro in back payments for social welfare and didn’t give me any of it even though i have 3 children under 11yrs. this was discovered last week and i have decided to draw a close on the marriage. Even after everything i still feel drawn to him...maybe ot of pity or guilt, i’m not sure which one, bt i now know i to need to have a life and cannot live in this No Mans land any longer.

I am heart broken for the kids because he has moved 140 miles away and access with him is every two weeks at best...it huirts like hell buti know that over time the pain and guilt i feel will ease.

I am more confident now having read all experiences to realise that this is NOT my fault and that it is NOT ME breaking up the family home but the man for whom i still love...and why oh why?
i will be financially ruined after this but i will be wealthy in my state of mind and therefor my childen will be happier too eventually....keep being strong all of you and thank you for making me see that i was not going mad but was being manipulated for years into thinking and responding to a very sick and devious compulsiv liar.

better days are just a breath away... Amen to that!!!!!!!!!!

written by LKA, 13 February, 2010

I have been married to my husband for 6 months and i’ve doubted our marriage since the beginning. 3 weeks before we got married he told me that he had been lying to me for months he had been stealing and might be arrested if they were going to press charges. He said he wanted to tell me because he didn’t want me to find out by anyone else. Thankfully they didn’t press charges but i almost called off the wedding if it wasnt for my brother-in-law (who was living with us at the time) talked me back into it. I have questioned him about it numerous times but he just keeps saying that he didn’t think he was lying to me. I can’t trust him and wonder where he is at all times even when hes at work. I hate knowing that when that big lie came out i was actually thinking about how good he was doing and that maybe i could start trusting him again. So it scares me now thinking what if he is doing something right now that will hurt me that he doesnt think is lying. We separated about a week ago but that lasted all of 3 days and i gave in cause i missed him so much. I know i should leave i dont want to spend the rest of my life wondering if hes lying. He says that he is going to get help but hes not trying and i cant force him. I’ve been reading all of these and most of them end with divorce is there really no hope for my husband or is divorce the only answer?

written by Hopeless..., 22 February, 2010

I am so happy to have found this website! I didn’t realize the seriousness of my husband’s problem until reading all of the comments here.

A year ago, I caught him having internet relationships with a LARGE number of women, all of which he had lied to in one way or another. I confronted him, and of course, he lied about it....I got 6 or 7 versions of the truth before he finally came clean with me, at least so I thought....We went to marriage counseling for awhile, but he said he didn’t like the guy and told me he would see a Chaplain on his own (He’s in the Navy). He would come home and tell me about his sessions, which I have just recently discovered was a complete fabrication. I was supposed to be at a sleep study this past Saturday night, but I was sent home because I wasn’t sleeping. When I got home, he wasn’t here, and when I called him to find out where he was, he said "What do you mean? Where do you think? I’m at home." When I told him that I was at home and knew he wasn’t there, he told me he was right up the road and would be back soon. I didn’t give him a chance to come up with another lie. I just left as quickly as I could. Yesterday he gave me a different version of his story, which I still do not believe. I logged in to our bank account and found out he had been lying to me...big time....about our finances. He then proceeds to tell me that he took out a credit card IN MY NAME in November and has run up a $3000 balance. When I asked him what he used it for, he wouldn’t say, and I have no idea how to find out. I finally told him yesterday that he needed to tell the truth or leave, and he packed his things and left. I don’t know if he’ll be back, but I’m not sure what to do if he tries. I was raised to believe that marriage is forever and I should do everything in my power to make it work....But how do you do that when you are married to someone you don’t even know!!! Last year when he was cheating on me, he convinced me to quit my job and take a lower-paying one so that I could be home with him more – so that it would be "easier" for him to be faithful to me. I now can’t afford to live on my own, my parents won’t "help me" divorce my husband, and I have nowhere to go. I’m only 24 years old (was married at 20), and I know that I am still young enough to get my life back, but I don’t have money for a security deposit to rent a place, and I have 3 dogs and a cat to think about. I can’t afford the mortgage to our house, and we have a VA loan, so I wouldn’t be able to stay unless he was on the mortgage also. If anyone has any advice about HOW to get away from a pathological liar, I would really appreciate it!!!

written by IfeelSoAlone, 25 February, 2010

I cannot believe I have found this site, how fortunate! I met my Husband 2 years ago and we married at the beginning of last year (2009) When we met he told me all different things about his past, some didnt add up. I should’ve stopped the relationship there I guess but I wondered if it was just me being paranoid. He doesn’t know that I know about all of his lies, his friends actually warned me of his compulsive lying before we got married but I foolishly thought he would stop once he felt more secure! He even told me he had a twin brother who died (I asked his family about this and they told me it wasn’t him who had the twin it was his brother! Again I haven’t mentioned this to him) There are many lies he has told from being in the Army to being a Cage-fighter and body builder (none of his friends can back up his stories) I am totally at a loss. I have a 9 year old son from a previous relationship who is getting increasingly frustrated as my Husband will tell me something my son has said but word it differently, my son will swear blind he hasn’t said what my Husband is saying but my Husbnad has a way of turning it around or changing the subject ever so slightly so the lie is then lost in conversation. I love my Husband very much, he is a good man, but I also love my Son and I am beginning to feel we would be better off on our own. My Husband and I have recently had a baby and I’m scared to death that our new Son will receive the same treatment as my 9yr old. I dont know what to do. The lies he has told (and continuing to tell) are so pointless and silly that sometimes I feel he must think I’m a total idiot. I feel like a total idiot. Any advice would be appreciated. Do I confront him about all that I know? I dont want to hurt him or embarrass him but I also need to put my children and myself 1st. Help?

written by Oncealiealwaysalie, 26 February, 2010

Hi everyone. Just wanted to post a comment. I know the feeling. I was briefly married to a liar. A little over a year. Of course I was always one step ahead of his lies and that would irritate him and make him defensive and always leaving him room to provoke an argument with me. It always looked like I started the argument of course. Anyway, I suspected he was cheating on me and of course, he said he wasn’t but when I asked to look at his emails and phone records... well, you can imagine the response I got. I was too emotional... too angry... to whatever. Bottom line was he wasn’t showing me. Anyway, I filed for divorce and left my JOB because I listened to him tell me during the process that he would get help and we would work things out, etc. Long story short, I dropped the divorce and he divorced me. It has been over a year and I did not only loose my job because I "trusted" him, I am in debt and I actually have talked to him and believe him once again that he "loved" me. So I gave him another chance and sure enough he lied again. I was "engaged" to him again... but he lied and said he could not marry me again because I plunder through his things and how I act. Well, come to find out, he has been married 3 times prior to me. He only told me he had been married once... but the other two didn’t count according to him because they were annulled by the Catholic Church. No offense to the Catholic Church... but come on... how do you give a liar 2 annulments and how does he think that those were not actual marriages? All of this has caused a lot of pain and embarrassment and a lot of wasted time. I pride myself being a good, loyal, compassionate and forgiving person but this is a lot to get over. I hope I will be able to trust again in the future. I am only 37 years old... he was 11 years older. Just be careful if it doesn’t feel right or add up it probably him lying again. I personally do not feel liars will change. And I hope what goes around comes around for this guy that lied to me.

written by renebelle, 16 March, 2010

I have been in a relationship with a man for a year and have decided that he is a compulsive liar. I have done research into this to make sure I am right about him. He has asked me to marry him. He said he is going to get a big settlement from an auto accident, then we will get married. I have left him several times in the past year and have told him I will not move back in with him. I told him if he gets us a house in the country close to my church then I will consider marrying him. I know if we get married I will never be able to trust him. I will keep my own bank account separate from his and not sign any legal papers with him. I own some property but before I get married to him, I will turn it all over to my daughter to keep it safe from him and his family. I am not in any hurry to get married, but he is. I will just wait and see what he can, and if he can, really produce. He is 72 and I am 56.

written by Confused, hurt and laking belief in myself, 26 April, 2010

I too was married to a compulsive liar who is also narcissistic. I met her at 16 years of age and we separated 2 years ago. The positive thing about it, is it has made me more aware than ever how important honesty is to me. The problem with this is that I keep on attracting dishonest women, time and time again.

written by WSilliam, 18 May, 2010

What is it about women that makes them stay with proven compulsive liars? Is it a form of sociopathic behavior in itself? I know a woman that’s with a liar and proven cheat and won’t leave him. Saying he is "changing" or at least "trying". He isn’t at all. Why do women stay with such men when there are single honest men with integrity available? They know it’s ruining their lives but they rationalize doing so. I don’t get it.

written by Jan Jan, 29 May, 2010

Most people are aware that the individual they are with is a liar before marriage. If they lie about the little things they will lie about everything. "Out of the mouth spews forth the abundance of the heart." Don’t buy into a marriage relationship when you have caught your sweetie lying – it won’t get better with time, they just become better liars. I feel this is the best course of action to take. Lying is abuse and ultimately will influence any future relationships you may encounter negatively. Think long and hard on it and remember the story of the little boy who cried Wolf Wolf – ask yourself is this really what you want in life, to have the rug pulled out from under you constantly? Is anyone worth taking your peace away?

written by distraut, 10 June, 2010

I have a husband who has lied from the start 15 years LONG. Just recently he had our daughter take off 10 days of work( whom she lives with us and has a 31/2 year old grandson of ours) and also our 2 teenagers from school had a planned vacation for 4 months the morning of getting everyone up at 4am for the limo I noticed he was gone My heart sank sure enough he was out trying to commit suicide was brought into a hospital had his stomach pumped, As my children and I wept the entire day. He came home 3 days later claiming to be a new man well not so, he forged his mom name on 3 consecutive checks for my car loan putting the car towards a second repo. HELP IAM AT A LOSS I CANNOT STAND HIM ANYMORE.

written by kulit, 14 June, 2010

All I can say is that.... I’m not alone....This time I ended it upon reading some of your story. I’m quitting...

written by Mrs. Wronged, 21 June, 2010

I can relate more than you know. It begins with isolation, he isolates you from everyone you love and know so that all of his ‘stories’ cannot be shared thereby being deemed too far fetched from someone on the outside looking in. Secondly, he apologizes only when the lie is staring him in the face. Printed, photographed, voice recorded etc...if there isn’t that kind of concrete proof, he will lie to he death. I am sick of thinking I am losing my mind, that there is something wrong with me. I have believed this man was a secret agent for a major banking corporation, that poetry, written for him by other women with whom he has had affairs, was re-written for me. He is suave, he is convincing, he can be tender yet violent. I never know who he is, what he is yet always hope things will get better. We have been together 5 years, married for 6 months. Because of this man, I have lost total communication with my oldest 5 children, I alone work to support our family, and look in the mirror at the remains of what was once a strong, vital woman. I hate him and love him at the same time. But who is he really? Is he he liar or the man that wants to be better but simply cannot? Am I going to lose the most vital years of my life waiting for him to figure it out? I promised I would never be divorced again but I really do not think there is any other choice. It’s all just so very sad.

written by Betshy Sanchez, 27 July, 2010

Hi Guys, After reading some of your stories, I’ve seen the same pattern I see in my husband.
what I want to say is the following: Is it possible to help them? YES, How? Seek professional help. Dont try to fix it yourselves. How can you help the therapies? By not confronting him. Confrontation means "trouble" for them and its scary. Let them know you know the truth, but be more tolerant, remember the problem is in his head, maybe something to do with his childhood. Dont take it personally.

I suffer a lot. Many pain, still, I am here, strong. Can people change? Yes, they can. I trust God will make him change, just like I myself changed

Encourage them,motivate them,congratulate them when they say the truth, let them know you love the real person in them,that they are really special even without the made-up stories.

All this is important. Remember, he does not do it to hurt you, lets be tolerant and forgiving, and he will change.

Big hug for everyone who’s going through this. You are not Alone, God exists, and people going through the same situation exists.

written by Miss Muffet, 07 August, 2010

Flipping the Script

Blind faith and bad timing got me to where I’m at today -in a 2 year relationship with a habitual liar who is the father of my youngest child (10 mos!). I was divorced 9 years when I met my boyfriend at work. He is the director of finance at his company and seemed to be stable. I thought being in the position he was at work that he had to have his stuff together. I fell head over heels and stupidly got in over my head with lightening speed. I mean I had been divorced NINE years and had navigated the dating (creep) minefield that’s out there. I avoided getting seriously involved with anyone thinking that it was better to be safe than sorry. Well, five months into being pregnant, I find out my boyfriend is still married and had only been separated for 8 months before we met, his house was in foreclosure, and he was had 30-40k in credit card debt (I still don’t know the actual figure to this day. He was busy chasing his wife around trying to please her behind the scenes, offering to pay her bills, putting up with her verbal abuse and blame laying (according to him she cheated and ran off with her boyfriend when their baby was 5 months old). My entire relationship with him has been one lie after another. We’ve been separated for 2 months now -he left and moved in with his mom leaving me to essentially raise our daughter- because I am ANGRY all the time! He says he wants to work it out, but I have to let the past go!! I have felt guilty about being angry all the time and acting out because of frustration, humiliation, hurt and yes anger. But now, 2 months later I’ve begun to question his flipping the script on the situation. The lies NEVER stopped with him. And with that there has been a mountain of disregard, lack of consideration and respect and I’m suppose to be happy??! He is now taking the position of being offended and wronged!! I’m bitter according to him! Damn right!! I am bitter that he LIED to get me into the relationship and then to have our baby. If I had known the truth, I would have run in the other direction at the speed of light! I’ve been killing myself trying to find a way to make this work with him, but my mind and feelings won’t let me let things go...is that wrong? How can I love someone who basically deceived me into being with him? God help me.

written by yvette30, 15 August, 2010

Like everyone on this website, I’m glad to hear i am not alone. I have been married to a compulsive liar and alcoholic for less than one year, been together for almost three and have a 2 year old daughter.
When I was 7 months pregnant my husband and moved back to the states from Europe (we are both European and had been living in the states for years).
It was a wild step, without family and for me without friends (i had lived in CA, we moved to FL). He promised me to introduce me to all his friends with baby’s, get a job, file for my green card etc. Instead of working to get our live together,i started drinking heavily, using all kinds of painkillers, gamble (with my money) and lie about everything. When I confront him he makes it sound like it’s my problem and at the end i leave with a feeling of guilt. His parents are more than aware of his problems but unfortunately live in Europe. After he lost his mind, got really drunk and hit me his parents send an interventionist. He lied to him and nothing worked or happened. He does not work cause he keeps loosing his job, so now I am the only or working and since I don’t have any work history here yet i started entry level...
I am only 30 years old and don’t want this live. I wanted to live the American dream, not the American nightmare. I really want to divorce him and trying to get help from my family but our daughter is American so he has to agree that I am taking her with me. I am crying everyday, I am totally cut of because of all this and feel completely isolated.
Any advise would be greatly appreciated thank you!!!

written by KrisUK, 19 August, 2010

I have a slightly different situation to most of the posts on here, in that I realized I was gay when I was 10 years old. I am now 35. I never came out to anyone and tried to live through it until I was almost 22. I came to terms with it myself eventually after contemplating suicide several times. Eventually, I met a lad in a very similar position to myself. We became the best of friends, bordering on partners. He has been renting a spare room from me for over 8 years, but is still my best friend in the world. I cant even begin to explain how lonely I had been until I met him. But he is a complete liar. He lies about everything, from money to jobs. He gets through jobs like the rest of us get through hot meals. He hasnt a penny to his name, doesnt own anything, lies about working, sometimes he doesnt even have a job. Once, for 3 months he got dressed for work every day and came back 8 or so hours later saying he had been to work. 3 months passed by til he admitted that he had not been working, in the meantime, running up debts with ‘payday loans’, none of which have ever been paid back. He owes 10s of thousands to god knows who. I cannot tell you how lonely I feel, its taken me all of my life since the age of 10 to find someone I could be myself with, someone I thought I could trust with my life and then I find that he cant be truthful about anything. I think I feel more alone now than I did before I met him. It is a variation of the same theme as you countless people. I know there is no easy fix. Which makes it a million times harder to deal with. But at least there are no children, making it good.. and also in a selfish way bad, because in my situation, I will never have the joy of having my own family as I had so badly wanted until I finally realized my sexuality prevented me from marrying and living the life I would have loved.

written by Shell of a person, 21 August, 2010

Like most everyone else, I am almost insane. I waited 8 plus years to marry this guy and then after a domestic violence incident 6 months into the marriage(the 2nd one ever in 8 plus years and the first one I thought was my fault), I find it all out. Our savings (retirement, etc) that we had done without to save was gone. Gambled and partied away. Credit cards maxed out I did not even know were obtained. DUI obtained with another woman in the car. To boot, I was severally hurt in the DV incident and ended up losing my job of many years and almost all my friends. I own my own home and can do nothing as I cannot make the house payment. I filed for Divorce and am out of money and the DV case just keeps getting postponed. I had a prenup and found out that the way it was written made it not valid. It does not end. My child is now very ill and all the emergency money I thought we had is gone with all other options used up as well.
Until I read all these posts, I thought I was the only one and what a horrible person I was. I have been so depressed and in denial until this very moment.
He convinced everyone the DV incident was an accident and convinced me I was horrible to jump to conclusions. Thank you all for sharing as I have let him come back but as soon as I can get back on my feet and get things legally handled, I have to get out. The guilt of the situation was eating me alive until I started reading all these comments. Different situations yet all the same. I hope that each of us can find comfort in some way because they suck every bit of life out of us and if you are like I am, then I dont understand why me as I am a good, down-to-earth person and only wanted to be a simple happy.
FYI: Mine travels a lot and that is how he got away with a lot of it. His parents helped.
If you cant find the strength for yourself, find it for your loved ones as eventually, they get sick too.

written by ahahug1, 23 August, 2010

The other side...

I’m 31 and my wife and I are getting divorced. Till yesterday, in spite of multiple warnings from my family and friends all my life, I didn’t (want to) believe that I was a pathological liar. I’ve now snapped into this reality only cos she is actually leaving me. She is not only ashamed of me, but is disgusted with me too.

This post reminds me that I have also made up lies about girlfriends I never had. In fact, the only sex I had had before I got married was paid for. I have lived in a fantasy world with little thought or consideration for my wife, let alone anyone. I am telling myself this. Either way (with or without her) I’m going down. At least let her live a normal life, especially now I see how beautiful she is. In fact, people like me will eat his wife’s heart out and ask for seconds (I did that, I begged her). I haven’t admitted to her that I’m a pathological liar, I realized this myself only a few days back. I’ll tell you one more thing, I have no idea what I’m going to actually end up doing (as I’m quite sure she’ll resign to a life with me if she found out I have a mental condition). By the way, I read that PL is not a disorder in itself, it’s a manifestation, and the treatment/therapy should be for the actual disorder. I’ve contacted a psychologist today (none of my family friends even suggested I go to one till a few months back when I told them we had serious marital trouble, that’s good I was at lying.) I remember feeling so depressed and down and suicidal a few months back, now I feel like it’s perfectly normal, it’s just a disease. I’m going to get help, but my point is I know I have always felt worthless, done little in my life, didn’t ever make my wife feel as good as she is, and all the while believed I have been a great husband. I now fear I’ve been a bad friend, son, uncle, what not. I suppose I am glad we don’t have a kid.

Your post makes me understand that there is little chance that my wife will be happy with me. I think I’m a wonderful guy out there to help people, this is what feeds my ego and my fantasy (perhaps this post too). But I realize my marriage has only been a breeding ground for my lies, as it gave me a great shield that I’m a decent person. I have been utterly irresponsible too (health, finance).

Finally, take what you want from this comment, I’m a pathological liar. I am realizing I only care for myself, so sorry if I made references, comparisons, etc. I’m really testing myself to see if I can be truthful, at least o a forum where no one knows me.

written by same here, 26 September, 2010

My husband is a compulsive liar...I love him so much but I separated from him because I felt I was going crazy dealing with him. He would even lie about needing to use the bathroom. And his lying extends to everyone around him. He has emptied bank accounts, had mistresses. He has made me commit my mother to a mental hospital (she suffers from mental illness) but he did things to provoke her when I wasn’t around and she pulled a knife on him in fear of him, but I didn’t understand and know his lying habits back then. You should never go back with a compulsive liar...they will just make you have a break down and make you want to kill them when you do find out the truth.

written by Help, 18 October, 2010

I hear you all. I have recently found out that my partner of nearly 6 years never actually left his ex-wife. Rather, he has been living a double life. How? I believed him when he said he was staying at his parents home spending time with his kids. In actual fact he was at home with his wife and kids saying he had a depressive illness and needed space to get through it (hence his time with me). Ok, you might say this is just a case of deception but all of the other lies that have unfolded since I have spoken with his ex-wife are just unbelievable. The last 6 years have been a lie and I feel so stupid. I even went so far as defending him in the workplace and leaving my employer, where we both worked because I believed him. I am so glad I am not alone in my pain.

written by aaronleow, 22 November, 2010

my advice, even though i don’t think i have a partner like that, is GET OUT, you can’t change them, they lie because they love you, and they will continue lying till one day when you don’t matter to them, then they will stop...just GET OUT, not worth it...

written by Jkunknown, 01 January, 2011

I am relieved to see that I am not alone. I have been married for 6 years. My husband has been lying to me from the start. I kept listening to his excuses, eventually making excuses for him as well. My husband is also a very good con and manipulator. When I would think I’ve busted him in a lie (like being at school when he wasn’t) he’d start talking about the parking lot and try to make me feel guilty for checking on him, then make me feel crazy by second guessing what I saw. Or another example, his ex came back around last year with a 5 year old claiming to be his. He took no effort to do paternity just jumped right in head first (ignoring our own child to be with the other). He started staying out late saying he was working, not answering my calls (eventually found out he was with his ex and his "son." I left him then. Kept track of his phone calls and texts online to correlate his statements. If nothing was going on then 3 hour phone call at 2am? Or her texting I love you’s and when they fought (I’m going to tell your wife your cheating). He claimed he fell asleep on the phone with her after her boyfriend broke up and was being a friend and that she knew I could read his texts so she was purposely sending them.... Now when I confront him on lies he gets angry, yells, throws things (right now sitting in jail on a DV charge for kicking me in the knee 3 days ago with steel toe boots and choking me – gotta love neighbors)Before the most recent I kept saying I was done. I haven’t worn my ring in over a month (which led to the fight) Now I have that longing feeling. The what if feeling. I think about everything he’s done and I get sick to my stomach, I think about all the lies and realize I do not know who he is. And I also think I don’t want to be 25 with two children moving back into mom and dads because her marriage failed. But I look at the 3 years he was incarcerated and how happy I was. Being a single mom of one rocked! I loved it, and my daughter had a better life when she didn’t know him, now she just keeps saying she doesn’t want daddy back. She got tired of lying to me for daddy, if she didn’t daddy would get mad. I know what I need to do, but why does it have to hurt so badly?

written by MeHannah, 07 January, 2011

I don’t understand. Now this can happen to any body, but why are these women relived that they are not alone? Why are you still in this relationship? Seek help (lie about it, if you have to, that’s what they do) and get confidence to get away. Most people don’t want to see that these "nice" people are liars. Run Run Run

written by Afraidformykids, 21 January, 2011

After 10 years of marriage to my wife, I have come to the conclusion she is a compulsive liar. The lying is not out of low self esteem to boost ego or appearance, it is not out of guilt to cover up things, it is not to make me happy hearing what I want to hear. It is about just lying for no apparent reason. There have been big lies, there have been little lies but the cumulative effect is all destructive. There was a time I would not hesitate for 1 second to say I love her but now, the words don’t come out anymore and when they do, they feel forced. We tried to talk about it just this week but the conversation always turns back to me being the bad guy. I know I am not. I have been a devoted husband and a great dad. I have worked my fingers to the bone to make this family work and be happy. I ask for nothing in return except to be respected for what I am, a humn being. I am a good person who deserves better.

Right now I don’t know which way to turn. My kids who are still so very young need me more than they realize to provide the guidance they need to grow up to be kind, decent people. I love them with my life and cannot bear the thought of losing them and especially having them under such negative influences. My friends, I am hurting inside so much in fear of losing them.

How much abuse can one bear ? If she could only recognize her destructive behavior, that may be a good start but how do I get her to without directly pointing my finger at her thus making her even more defensive ? The more I read in this forum, the more I see and feel that this will not have a good ending. Please help ? I wish each and everyone going through this living Hell God’s grace.

written by Afraidformykids, 21 January, 2011

I am so afraid that this lying has some hereditary link. My father in law is also a CL and it is easy to see where my wife picked it up from. My beautiful daughter and son, how I can protect you from becoming like them ? I would give up my life to stop it for them. This is my biggest fear.

written by Goodriddance, 30 January, 2011

I was married to a lying, cheating psychopath for 4 years. I discovered that he had been having sex with his ex-wife and numerous other women for at least the last year of our relationship. Our entire marriage turned out to be a complete sham and I realized I was living with a sick stranger. I uncovered hundreds of lies, big and small, too many to even begin to list off. Like many other women on here said, when I confronted him he just lied some more. After reading all these posts, and living through this nightmare myself, I have noticed a number of commonalities in the stories. If you have any doubt as to whether or not your husband fits the bill, here is a checklist:
1) he lied right from the start about his past, eg. how and why his previous relationships ended
2) he has few if any friends and if he does have "friends" they’re women who also happen to be single
3)he has poor relationships with his parents and siblings and claims to have been abused as a child
4)one of his parents, typically the father, was also a liar and a cheater
5)when you met him he owned little to nothing, had credit card debt or had filed for bankruptcy
6) he either used to have a drinking problem or he currently does, or he has other addictions, smoking/drugs/porn/sex/gambling
7)he seems to prey on women who already have children,have good jobs and own their own home, and who are loyal, honest,trusting, and YES, intelligent (ironic, I know, because we all feel so stupid for being duped by such a con)
he is suspiciously guarded of his cell phone or his online activities
9) when you threaten to end the relationship because of the lying and cheating he swears he loves you and will change and get help
10) his interior life seems impoverished, eg. shallow emotions, lack of remorse, no substance or depth to his personality, and often drop dead boring to be with once the charm has worn off.
Many of the traits I have described here are also indicative of a psychopathic or sociopathic personality. After much pain and agony and counseling, the conclusion I came to is that this type of man cannot and will not change, not ever, no matter what you do. He is damaged beyond repair, incurable, and as the stories above show, he will repeat these destructive patterns of behavior for the rest of his life. I threw him out for good and I know I did the right thing. Time to get real ladies! Having a happy, trusting relationship with a cheating pathological liar isn’t going to happen. Get out now and don’t waste another minute of your time. From experience, I know you can recover from this, you can move on,and let’s face it – you could only do better!

written by Nocturnalworries, 04 February, 2011

This is so scary!
Ok I’m still not sure if or to what extent my husband of just 1 month is a liar.There are several times I felt he was lying about something but it was either just too embarrassing to admit or to horrific to face for me We have a baby boy together and there are just so many qualities I know that are good in him I’m gonna stick this out I hope I am wrong and just paranoid especially for my babys sake it’s so hard cause I do love him and feel like we both need him too I hope I’m wrong but a lot of times I feel I’m in a nightmare and I cannot wake up it’s so hurtful trapping feeling and depressing...Please god help us...

written by CIA, 21 February, 2011

I have been married to a man for almost 3 years. He constantly tells lies and has the most egotistical behavior. He has lied to me since we were dating about who he worked for, constantly making up stories about what he did for a living. He even forged documents to show me that he was not lying. The only problem was, it was printed on his paper from his office! I am not DUMB!! He deleted my facebook bc we cannot have facebook. But, alluded that "someone" (uncle sam) deleted it! unbelievable! This is just the tip of the iceberg. I have no idea what is true that comes out of his mouth anymore. He insists that h never lies about anything. He will not go to counseling. I have become really hurt and depressed over the problems. I just started counseling for myself to sort this mess out. It makes me wonder what I dont really know about who he is, like living w a stranger. I have a feeling that if this doesnt change, we will forever be changed. and not in a good way.
Feeling Trapped and Lied to....

written by jeannine, 23 February, 2011

People who lie have no idea the deep wounds they create. The only way for a marriage to heal is no lying EVER.

written by so gone, 27 February, 2011

as many of you i to have married a compulsive liar. it started off with simple things, hearing her talk to other people, listening to what others would tell me and when i confronted her about these issues i was "stupid for listening to gossip". it got worse as time went on, i started finding out about men and some women she was having different sexcapeds with, she was so bold she even came back to our dorms wearing the same clothing she had on the night before. then she became heavily guarded after that, hiding her phone, deleting emails, never letting me use her computer, just pure craziness. i remember we even got into a fight over why i was blocked from her myspace and she said "i chose who i want as my friends". i can remember being kicked out of the room that i cleaned, bought stuff for, made into our home, once every week, to find out she was using my laptop to talk to her x. not to mention through all of this i was there for her through 6 months of her pregnancy which only after i found out she had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and had stopped taking her meds and still doesn’t because she believes she’s changed. she uses the son that she has against me, i haven’t been apart of his life for a year and she’s always sending me pictures. she went behind my back twice and filed divorce and both times lied and sent the papers to address where i no longer lived. she went as far as to name the child that now all of a sudden is mine after this x and just a few months ago changed his last name. everywhere i look her age is different from what she tells me and she’s in her mid 30s! even her parents lie for her! it’s insane to think that there are seriously people like this that walk the earth! everyday of every month i’ve been with her or talked to her there’s not some crazy story that comes out of her mouth that is used to make me feel sorry for or to feel bad for what i’ve done. she’s even went as far as to punch me in my face over something so small i can’t even remember! she sat and told another man in front of me that she loved him and her excuse was "at least you know"...while we were married!

these are key signs to me that your with a liar/deceiver...
1.) times and dates where always an issue she could never remember exactly what she said, where she said it, or when
2.) her phone is always on vibrate and she never knows or answers it when it’s past the time for "just saying hi" hours. or the phone would be off late night and i couldn’t reach her the excuse..."my battery died"
3.) extremely paranoid...she’s accused me of the craziest things and even is able to make herself cry!
4.) she leaves for periods of times and comes back as if nothing ever happened...almost as if she’s rewritten the story in her head
5.) addicted to something...pain pills/drugs/alcohol somehow always self medicating and sick or dangerously ill
6.) she told me stories that she swore up and down she told me before but i knew i’ve never heard of it
7.) either she always had an excuse or was defending her to the extreme.
8.) never had money but always seemed to have something new or something expensive planned.
9.) she always seemed to talk to the same people "my mom was calling", "my friend such and such"...
10.) always needing to be told that i loved her or missed her...but could never say it back or got extremely irritable when asked any question involving the relationship
11.) and the thing that i can say is that made me think from the beginning "I tend to be honest about everything and I’m not a liar"...RUN AWAY FROM THESE PEOPLE

i’ve been through hell and back and i can tell each of you this...LET THESE PEOPLE GO! people like this show no remorse, they don’t feel, like i’ve read somewhere before they are like reptiles, cold blooded, and cold hearted. if you feel like the only time you can trust this person is when they’re around you...GET OUT OF THERE QUICK FAST AND IN A HURRY! no love is worth losing your dignity, pride, and most importantly you own peace and sanity over! these people live for drama and live to see the ones they are with hurt because it makes them feel like they’re in control. when you’re not hurting or not needing them, they go away with no trace, but when they want something from you or you need them for something they’re there arms extended ready to suck you back in...RUN AWAY and NEVER LOOK BACK! i’m a 23 year old young man and the best choice was the choice she made to divorce me, I WAS LUCKY, get out of there while you can...i promise..YOU WILL NOT REGRET IT!

written by SadMiri, 08 March, 2011

Hello
It’s good to see that I’m not the only one going thru this. I got married to a Compulsive Liar a year ago. I don’t have kids yet. I’m suffering terrible, every day I find out like another ten lies, I’ve been asking him for a full year if he’s watching porn and he said no. Last night I found out he’s addicted to it like crazy and watches it EVERY minute of the day when I’m not around. He cheated on me with some slut. He controls me and steals all my money. He beats me up when he gets upset. everyones telling me to divorce him but I still have feelings for him but really I cant stay with him because I dont want to mess up my life I dont know what to do anymore I’m young and I have my whole life in front of me but I’m so hurt and so confused as what to do....If i get divorced will I ever be able to get over those feelings???

written by wake me up, 27 March, 2011

thank you all for sharing so deeply. i have been with this man off & on for over 10 years. Now i am in my mid 30’s & possibly pregnant with his child. let’s just say i am not too thrilled with this news. he has lied to me before many a times. it’s only after a heated argument and solid proof does he really confessed to lying... BUT he always finds justifications for them. yet, time and time again i’ve taken him back. why because i truly loved this guy... but i just caught him again in his compulsive lying... i have to say LIKE MOTHER LIKE SON... his own mother’s relationship is based on lies... so he’s taken much of my prime youth years. i am preparing myself for the tears to come as i have to end our engagement. i can no longer forgive him. i just hope that i will survive this & see the light again.

written by MsTwin, 30 March, 2011

Reading all of these posts has made me so much stronger. I, myself married a compulsive liar 4 1/2 years ago. We starting dating and he told me he loved me within 2 weeks and proposed within 2 months. He told me he had never been married and found out three weeks back from our honeymoon about wife #1. I also found emails to 2 other women telling them that there had never been anyone since them. Once I found out, he begged me to stay, along with his mother by his side. I asked them both at that time is there anything else I need to know because now is the time to get it out in the open. Both of them swore up and down that was it. Two years later he was on a work assignment and I ran his credit. Call it women’s intuition but I couldn’t understand why he wouldn’t allow us to purchase a home (we had plenty of money in savings). His credit showed a home with wife #2. I swore to leave him then but he again was able to convince me to stay. There have been other little things in the past two years since then but last Friday I checked the phone bill and found a number that he was calling in the AM, afternoon and evening. I called it and a woman answered. I confronted him and he lied again. Long story short, I called this woman and told her what was going on. The worst part? He first marriage ended in divorce because of this same issue. My husband told her he had only been married once for a year right out of college. Poor thing had waited three years to even start dating again. The great news in all this? I do not have children with this man. I am waiting today to receive the divorce papers and get my life back on track. Thank you for all of the stories. Makes me feel not so alone.

written by Andrew Mo, 16 April, 2011

Wow. I have suspected my wife of cheating on me for about 3 years now. Long story short, the other guy came to our house and knocked on our front door after we had just gotten home from a night out. He knocked on the door, and she opened it and ran to the bathroom. I went downstairs with my gun in my pants not knowing what was going on. The guy was very contrite and told me that he’s been seeing my wife for the past few months(a lie). It was actually a couple of years. He told me that they had not been physically involved. I think he told me this because he knew I had a gun on me and was scared to tell me the truth. I let her convince me that it was never physical and only an emotional affair. A few months later, I found she’s at his parents house when she was supposed to be out grocery shopping. This caused a huge rift, and we went to counseling the next day but I was so pissed off that it didn’t help much. Her story was that she is good friends with his sister and that’s why she was over there. I eventually buy her story again. Stupid. A few months later, this past February, I find out through GPS on her vehicle that she spends an entire Sunday at his house. Her story is that she is trying to convince him to leave us alone because he was supposedly heartbroken and threatening to tell me the whole truth. So at this point, she admits that it did get physical, one time. But that she was drunk, and she pushed him off after 10 seconds when she realized what she was doing. I bought it. Fast forward to this past week. I’m grilling her about my suspicions and my not believing her. After about an hour, she finally admits that it was more than once, it was 3 times. We go to counseling the next day. She stands by her story in the session. She said she was scared of losing our marriage which is why she felt the need to lie. I email the guy, pissed off, telling him that he was lucky I’m a christian, but if he ever contacts my family again, I may forget that I’m a christian for a while. He responds with his side saying that she told him we were separated and that she led him on too. He sent me pictures of them together with my 3 year old son in Mexico and pictures in other places. This was shocking. Even though I knew in my gut something was going on all this time, I didn’t know to what extent. And I definitely on countless occasions grilled her and questioned about my suspicions and I always let her convince me otherwise. There was one instance that I should have never let go but did back in 10/2009. I answer her phone in the morning and she grabbed it out of my hand an hung up. I found out what the phone number was and texted it to know response. The same night, we call the same number and it is no longer in service. I don’t know how I let that one go, but I did. She has never shown me phone records though I requested numerous times. It’s just crazy. I was so stupid for letting this go on so long. Now, after seeing what he has told me and the pictures she has upped the amount of physical encounters they’ve had to 6. it’s so ridiculous it’s funny. and here’s the kicker, she’s 4 months pregnant. she swears it’s mine but how am i supposed to believe her. she has never admitted anything unless she’s had to or if she was caught somehow. and even then, it was half truths, and sugarcoated facts. this is really hard, and i wish i hadn’t let it go on so long. i’ve learned my lesson about trusting my gut. her story now is that they didn’t get physical til 2010 and prior to that they were just friends even though she knew he was in love with her. of course right now, she is begging, and crying, literally on her knees trying to convince me to stay with her. i’ve made up my mind, i’m done with her. i told her it will truly take a miracle of God for us to get back together. but i also understand that now is not that time to be making declarations. i’m too angry. thanks for reading.

written by Mrs.DG, 20 April, 2011

I pray for all of you. You put god first he will lead and guide you and the direction you need to go not man kind. The word of god said don’t put your your trust in no man brother, sister, cousin, kids, wife or husband. Its not to hard for god to fix. Its a different situation when you know who your heavenly father is everybody situations are different some good or bad and can be fix. If you let go and let god fight your battle I learned along time ago I couldn’t do it. I had to give it to god. I hope this helps all of you love my brothers and sisters in Christ may God bless.

written by Mrs. B, 21 April, 2011

I am so thankful that I found this site. I myself am also married to a pathological liar. He is a drug addict currently (I think) in recovery. I thought that once he was in recovery that the lying and deceiving would stop. Unfortunately it continues... I have managed to put myself in debt for 18 000.00 thanks to him and his deceiving ways. He does not believe in honesty or doing things the right way. He always wants to scam however whether it be a landlord or a friend. He is always screwing around with our rent money leaving me scrambling around to pick up and fix up his damn messes. We keep having to move due to his dysfunction. I am exhausted and totally discouraged. I don’t know where to turn. All I know is that I am sick of it and of him.

written by hair wizard, 25 April, 2011

I’m in a similar situation, married for a year next week to the man of my dreams, but it turns out it’s only a dream. What is really making me mad is that my husband is now taking things around the house, food, tiny bits of alcohol, clothes, whatever, and when I find whatever it is missing and question my daughters, even accusing them of lying, he just says that they must have done it and are lying about it. Is this some sort of sabotage to make me mad at them and get the focus off of him? I have learned over the past few months that I don’t even ask, I make statements to him, like "the next time you decide to blah, blah, blah, do me a favor and clean up after yourself". And he doesn’t try to argue the point, he knows he just got busted. We’ll see how long my patience lasts with this.

written by harley dav, 11 May, 2011

Wish i could say i am not in a similar situation. I have been with my husband for 2.5 years. We have been married for 9 months. From the beginning all he does is lie. He knows he’s lying and always says its his fault and he’s sorry and it won;t happen again and it does happen again and again. The worst thing he did lately was spend all our saving so we can move in together without telling me and with the excuse i;ll put it back. He has lied about his background, about things he has done, his position in his job even about his age at the begging. I don’t know what to do...

written by AW in Bama, 11 June, 2011

Oh, how all this is too familiar. I think I’ve dealt with my last lie this morning. As of noon here in Alabama, I made him leave. Just hope I can stay strong and not let his connive his way back home.

written by Wasted years, 16 June, 2011

To all of you who are coming to the realization that you married a liar I can only give this one bit of advice. RUN. Run far and run fast. It will not ever get any better. The liars will only get better at hiding their lies. You will be led to financial ruin and an unhappy existence. Cut your losses and RUN.

written by..., 21 June, 2011

I’m so glad that I’m not alone! I have been living with a compulsive liar for five years now and have been in misery for most of the time. I have a very long and crazy story and wouldn’t even know where to start!

The only thing I can say is if you’re in a relationship with one of these people, GET OUT while you’re still sane. They will make you feel like you’re going crazy. Don’t put up with the mental abuse! They will never stop lying no matter what they tell you, and they will try to make you feel sorry for them in order to keep you there. Therapy has not helped. Nothing has!

I’ve heard false stories about real people in his life. He uses his friends and his family in his lies to try to make them more believable. I know this because I’ve confronted them about it. He’s even lied about me to all of them. He’s not only a slanderer though, He has made up stories about non existent people as well.

He had his best friends believing that he had a son that was taken away from him years ago. These people believed this for thirty years! I was shocked when he finally admitted that he made it up, because he cried his eyes out when he first told me that whole sad story! I’ve never seen anything so crazy! It was all an act. Now I can’t believe that any of his tears are real. He uses them to manipulate people.

And don’t think for one minute that they’re making a break through when they admit their lies. It may be a very hard thing for them to do but that doesn’t mean that they will stop making up new ones. Just leave....

written by inamess, 27 June, 2011

I honestly thought that I was the only person going through this. I have been heartbroken beyond belief. Unfortunately, I sacrificed pretty much everything for this relationship. When I do finally leave, I will be left with absolutely nothing. I invested everything I had, everything I am. It’s difficult to say that the relationship was the biggest mistake of my life. I think it was a lesson. My big problem is actually getting myself together and walking away. Getting the strength, the guts. To dive head first into a future that is so uncertain. This relationship is all I have known. Apparently I’ve been lied to since the very start. Who knows, though? There is no remorse, no guilt. To make matters worse, he is deeply controlling and patronizing. He offers no respect. He thinks he is always right. He thinks I’ll stay forever because I have nowhere to go. He trapped me. A million lies later, however....I will be leaving and I’m sure it’ll be the shock of his life. My heart goes out to all of you. I know the feeling and you guys are not alone. I wake up everyday from a nice sleep, and after a few seconds, it all comes flooding back. Hopefully one day, I’ll be waking up somewhere far away from him, to peaceful and happy thoughts. All I want now is a bit of peace and relief. Hugs to you all.

written by scaredofsecrets, 13 July, 2011

I need a support group, to e-mail someone about this. I am really hurting. Met my boyfriend in Jan we moved in together in April and I don’t know who he is. He promised to never lie to me again and he’s sorry for hurting me and we constantly argue because I constantly dig into his past life and find things. I love him so much that I can’t stomach up to leave. Very disappointed in myself. I don’t know what it will take for me to just walk away

written by dee dee, 26 July, 2011

Wow! I never knew there were really this many compulsive liars. I am sorry for all of you who have or still are having this pain in your life. My liar even lied about getting counseling for lying!!! Yeah.

I let the liar go and then I was finally able to let go of my anger. I thank God that my sons are able to see, though they don’t understand, that what Dad says is not necessarily the truth or sometimes even close to it. They have learned to deal with the truth as I have worked with them in that area even when it hurt.

Praying for all of you and those you love.

written by impasse, 27 August, 2011

I’ve been married to my husband for 3.5 years. We have been renting a house but just committed to buying one together. Yet, suddenly in the last week I’ve caught him in 2 lies...ridiculous lies that he had no reason to make. He admitted the first lie, apologized and said it would never happen again in a million years...blah blah blah. Then last night, I caught him in another lie!!! And it was again, about nothing; why did he even feel the need to lie? So now I’m having major second thoughts about buying a house with him. I don’t want to continue a marriage with someone I don’t trust, and if we actually get divorced, it will be much messier with a house in both of our names. Big catch is, we’ll each lose $4,500 if we backout of the house purchase now, but it would be better than losing my mind, I suppose. Any advice?

written by Wetta, 15 September, 2011

My husband lies all the time too! I remember his 3rd ex wife telling me about lies but he told me other reasons for their divorce, and the previous ones... Initially he appeared all about me and I was, supposedly the perfect one he had been searching...

16 years later I must say I have spent a considerable amount of time sorting one lie after another. He just has soooooo many secrets. He will lie but when some aspect can be proven a lie he will invent a new lie. Finally I sit here trying to comprehend how much time I have spent sorting all of the lies and what in the world is wrong with me that I continue to do this over and over again.

A few weeks ago my husband left a note that he needed to go out of town and would be back the next day. Odd that he didn’t wake me and that he was going back to the town we just came from the night before but???? After speaking to a lady who ran into him at Walmart I learned he told her that he had been in the hospital and I put him out? What? Finally another lady told me that he told her a while back that he had been to get blood but it washed out and they had to give him more blood. What? He has never been given blood. I remember handing him the phone that day but I left the room to finish a project. It was so shocking to discover what he has been telling other people, having initially felt the lying was something to take personally. He left a note on the door for a lady telling her two out of town places he must go but when I questioned if he had to go the places he said he just made it up. After speaking to his cousin I was again shocked to learn that my husband told him that my husband’s father lived on life support for two years before his death and had round the clock nurses. What? Never! Also, I was shocked that when my own parents told me that my husband came to them for $3,000 which he never repaid and then learned he asked his cousin for about the same and then more by inventing a story of medical bills which did not exist. Next, my husband borrowed $1,000 from the neighbor a year ago and during the same time told me he was broke, which I question and think he has a lot of money hidden. During the time he borrowed the money from the next door neighbor and told me that he was broke he lent a guy across the street $100.00 and bought another guy a new grill for the front of his truck. What? 16 years of sorting lie after lie and more that appears but unable to prove lies and then to finally discover all the lies he tells others somehow helps. The fact that he is lying to so many somehow makes me feel a little better, sane or whatever. Oh, so I have also noticed the lack of remorse and noticed a few mentions of that notice on this site.

I am thinking about leaving after realizing if he continues to get away with this behavior and I stay he will only continue to lie, lie, lie & lie some more. Having a relationship with someone who lies non stop is really a big waste of time.

Is the lying just something to expect for a lifetime or is there ever a bit of hope?

written by maryb333, 26 September, 2011

The reason I found this website is because I am exhausted of dealing with my husband’s compulsive lies, it all started when we were dating he lied about why he did not actually leave for the marines when he was supposed to go and then he lied to me about his sexual relationships with his other girlfriends. Now after being with him for 6 years 3 of which we have been married I have been through hell and back. Well see now my husband is in the Air Force and come to find out after we had been married for a year already he slept and even dated at least 3 people while we were dating, and after confronting him he continued to lie. Well back and forth for another 6 months I was accused of being crazy and ridiculous and that all of his friends were lying to me and he was telling the truth. He finally admitted it however after I actually talked to his so called previous girlfriend.
And the drama continues...He lies about everything from money to where he bought his knife. He literally thinks he knows everything so he will tell everyone he knows something at work and when they question him how, he just explains because he does when he really has no idea. He lies and manipulates me into believing whatever he wants about how I act and what I say and do when we are out with friends after the fact if he is at fault in any way during the incident. The lies are soo confusing and the only reason I know is because my best friend’s husband is best friends with my husband and she tells me when he says things.
I could go on and on about the lies, like how he told everyone in his shop he was a marine sniper before he went in the military which is not true!!!

I just dont know what to do and I am glad there are at least people that know how I feel out there in the world...it doesnt make it easy that I chose to forgive him for his cheating and lying and that now he constantly tortures me with it almost every day...not to mention I am a military wife living in Germany and my family and friends are a million miles away!!!!!

written by ReyesNash, 01 October, 2011

I hate that we are all going through this, but happy to see that I am not alone. My husband is also a liar. Our marriage as been about me, him, and whatever ever girl I found out he was trying to get with. I could have the proof in my hand, and I give him a chance to tell me the truth, and he just continues to lie. Then he says the girl is lying. When I show him that the email is his, he gets mad at me. Just recently I found love letters from him and his best (female) friend. Now, these letters date back to 2004, which is when he and I started dating, but I didn’t find out about his "best friend" until 2007. This man swore on everything he loved that they were only friends and never exchanged romantic feelings to the other. I showed him the letter and then asked him if they met for the first time in 2008 when we went to NY to get the girls baptized. This man said yes. We are now in 2011 and I am not hearing that he met up with some other lady "his best friend" for the first time. he kept it all a secret. So in a non-confrontational manner, I emailed his "best friend." This lady was so rude to me. She text my husbands cell phone and all she kept saying was how I was a dumb ass. I have to say a dumb ass is how I feel. And for the record he never stuck up for me. He wrote to his "best friend" that what she is saying might be true, but he just wants her to answer his questions so he can close the thoughts on my mind.

This man has been lying since 2003, and I never find out about his lies until a few months or a year after it has passed. I have tried to leave and always came back. I leave again in a few days, and I pray the Lord gives me the strength to see that my husband and his many lies, disrespectful friends, and lack of commitment will keep my eyes open. I am so hurt of know another lie, but he seems to not care when he is around others. I never know he is lying.

written by liver1047, 12 October, 2011

he lies all the time, tell me people said this about me, i confront them and feel like a right idiot, its been going on since i married him 10 years ago, i cant believe a thing that comes out of his mouth, then when ive caught him out he sulks all day and night,

written by Jason Merkling, 15 October, 2011

You sound exactly like me. I fear I will never be without an idiot at my side.

written by AL from The UK, 17 October, 2011

The penny is just beginning to drop for me! My partner of 7 years is a CL, I feel like our whole relationship is fake, and yet i know there is some truth in most of his lies. He has many many secrets, and I suspect he has been a liar since his teenage years. I love him very much and do believe he loves me too. It feels like he wants me to catch him out, like there is something in him that wants to stop lying. Keeping on top of his secrets and lies is hard work, but i have to in order to keep us financially afloat, and also for my own sanity. His lies have hurt me so deeply, and yet I am still here, that makes me very weak, or very strong? I am his third life relationship, the other two married him, I won’t, not till the lying stops for good. So, to all other suffering spouses and partners, stay strong, and seek help and support from your own support networks and sites like this!!

written by Desi, 19 October, 2011

Wow. I had no idea how common my situation was. I have only been married for about a year. We have twins that are almost two (they are not biologically my husbands though). All the time before we got married, i never saw the lies, i never felt such pain, i was convinced of the person he was, and i loved that person very much. When we got married, it all started heading straight downhill. The lying started, the stories would alter. No there hasnt been any such as him being married before or anything, but still lies are lies, and they are very hurtful. He typically lies to prove a point, or a few minor issues from his past that he has lied about. But recently, it has gotten out of control. I look at him, and i dont even know who he is. All of the characteristics i saw in him before, have all been completely changed. I am a very humble loving person, i will care for a complete stranger before i care for myself, i believe porn is cheating (my husband had said he agreed when we got married) i dont believe that judging is okay, and so much more, and when we got married, i was convinced he had those same characteristics. But it was all a lie. He is not humble at all, he will judge every person that walks past, he lies all the time. Its literally at least once a month that we have a huge dispute over his lies. Sometimes it is minor things, and other times theyre huge. the most recent one, was porn. now you must understand that one of the only good things in our marriage lately, is our sex life, thats why it was such a shocker that when i left the state for 2 days for court, he looked up a pornography site. He tried to lie to me at first on why he deleted our history, but soon came clean (which i did appreciate) but still, what am i supposed to do. Reading all of your posts break my heart, i dont want to be married for 20 years and constantly tell myself "i should have left a long time ago." Its not fair, i married a loving, caring, kind hearted man, just to find out, that the man i thought i married, never even existed. It tears me up. and its weighing down on every aspect of my life. we are low on money so i cant go to counseling, and i cant find any free online courses that can help. please please, if anyone even reads these anymore, please help me. to add to everything, he deploys in four months, that gives us four months to mend our marriage or we will NOT make it through a year long deployment. Anyone that can help, or even give me sites to go to for free help, anything please.

written by HELP MEEE, 06 December, 2011

Wow! I would like to join the club I’m 23 years old been married for only 5 months and I can’t take it, I’m so turned off by my husband I have to day dream to get by. I was set up into an arranged marriage thought "what the hell marriage doesn’t seem all that bad", but it is my biggest regret, I’m also 3 months pregnant going though sever depression all because this sick asshole can’t tell the truth I could write a book on all his lies from stupid lies to big lies for example he sold his car and for some reason he decides to make up a store about how a doctor bought his piece of shit junker car, why a doctor I have no clue! Recently I found out it was just a regular Joe, can someone explain. The lies never stop it’s a daily thing.

written by HELP MEEE, 06 December, 2011

Wow I would like to join the club. I am so turned off by my husband I have to day dream to get by, he is by far the amongst the biggest liars off all, his lies are soo STUPID they make me sick. I’ve only been married for 5 months, I am 23 years old my husband 25 (a baby) I am 3 months pregnant from his crazy ass and not to mention I moved to the middle east where I only know relatives who are twice my age and closed minded I have no one to confide in divorce is totally out of the question. He’s a liar and very jealous he lies to keep me in the house, he lies to keep me from taking a SHOWER people (he turned off the diesel), he lies about work he is unemployed and the only money we get is from MY father. He lies about money, his past when he gets into arguments with people he lies about what he says, stories always change. He lies I swear about everything I’m so sick of him I wish I could say he is good for something but he’s not I went from having everything to nothing I’m always stressed when he talks because he’s such a liar I fell in love with his lies I don’t know who he is and worst of all he’s the father of my child. I used to be a lively person, now I am a zombie I don’t know how long I can do this for Im hoping he will cheat on me or beat me so I could pack my things. He’s that person that just shows up everywhere people try avoiding him because he talks too much but he keeps coming back and the worst of it he thinks people love him. I tried calling him out last night but of coarse he gets mad and defensive, one thing I learned u can’t call men liars. He tried to get me to forget about it but I’m fed up he expects me to brush it off. The worst of my situation is my father and mother are on his side claiming he loves me that’s why he does it and it’s okay for him to take money from them and it’s better than hearing the truth, is it?

written by SadSadSad, 08 December, 2011

I’m also glad I’m not alone. Someone asked why we keep saying this. It’s because you can’t just talk about this stuff with everyone/anyone--it’s horribly embarrassing and makes you feel like the biggest fool in the world. My husband and I have been together 8 years and we have a daughter. He lied about being married previously and also lied about going back to school. I supported him all of these years while he was working toward a PhD only to find out he doesn’t even have a Bachelor’s. Unlike others, he never lied to me about anything else that I knew of (though certainly, now, I can see that a lot of little lies were needed to sustain these two big ones). I wanted to leave at first, but he has a strong relationship with our daughter and I believe that he lied out of his own poor self esteem and because he was afraid I’d leave him. I do feel like my youth was taken in some ways and that I was robbed of an honest choice. I have gained probably 20 lbs this year since I found out and have felt stressed and lonely. My family who know make things harder. I thought about leaving, but because of our child, I haven’t, yet. I read an article about "complicated lies" online that said that some people tell big lies because of their own feelings of being flawed. I feel like this is my husband. I am choosing to give him a chance to make things right. I am in therapy. Since I have supported us, I think I have less to lose because I know I can take care of my daughter if he doesn’t come through on changing. So far, he is doing well with the goals we have set. I am praying for you all...Each of us deserves happiness.

written by Elizabeth j, 10 December, 2011

I just stumbled on this web site. I have just flown back to Orange County, CA, to break yp with a man that I dearly love, but I know has a terrible lying problem. Here is the thing. I am a successful attorney, and spend many of my days in trial, "cross-examining" people. So I can smell a liar. But with B, it is so hard. I have caught him, cheating e-mails in hand, and he lies right to my face. He will never never never admit it is a lie. Ever. Even when I have pictures. Yes, that is right. Pictures. But he lies about them. It is always an excuse. The issue is, that the lies run deep. There is a sense of deception in the job he does. He is not candid with his clients, and he sells medical equipment. The thing is, is that I do not know if or how much of everything is a lie, or if it is me. It has been a two year relationship, I have no problems getting men, so it is not a need out of desperation that I am here. But, I am some how drawn to this attempt to "find his truth." It is like I need to know, what is the lie, and where does the actual truth begin. Reading the above was amazing, and I sure do not want to be here ten years from now, writing about the liar I married, and I knew I shouldn’t have. You all are so brave sharing. It has opened my eyes. However, can someone tell me this. Did any of you have that "gut" feeling that something was just wrong in the beginning, but just could not put your finger on it? You knew that there were lies, but wanted to make excuses. Should I leave now? Or should I stay. I love him. I give life changing advise for a living, but cannot seem to pull myself out of this. Any help would be so appreciated.

written by Pretoria, 14 December, 2011

My husband is a chronic liar. He lies about his where abouts, not answering his phone all time, his bank accounts always has issues from frozen cash, mistakes made by bank clerks, lost money, not paying rent on time etc. The guy can tell lies and cry very hard you will be so convinced that he’s telling the truth. Just recently were supposed to get married and tragic hit his family side and I supported him all I had.

I spend time with his family, the longest week ever. I was so confused about the stories they told me and the ones I got from my so called husband. I am very confused the more time he spends with his family the worst he becomes. I could wait for the whole 3 weeks for cash he promised, I always ask myself if he has pride nor does he gets ashamed. I always end up covering for him due to that I’d be ashamed. Oh God help me please I just don’t know how to explain his lies.

written by poloma, 20 December, 2011

I have been married to a compulsive liar for 6 years now. I saw some red flags before we married but was too naive to know just how deceptive he could be. He is very cold and distant. He can be mean. then the next day he can put on a big smile and love everyone. It feels like bipolar disorder. He lies about his addictions: alcohol, drugs, porn, food, overspending money and who knows what else. He also tells many trivial lies that in my opinion are unnecessary. The saddest part for me is that this all results in me being married to NO ONE. It is very lonely to be married to a compulsive liar. I am so ashamed I don’t tell anyone about this, until now. I worry deeply about our young children. I don’t want them to grow up with this however I cannot leave him for fear of him getting visiting rights. The kids would then be left alone with him and who knows what would happen with his addictions and corrupt morals. I feel trapped and all alone. I am humiliated that I would fall for someone like this and produce children that will suffer because of this.

written by TME, 23 January, 2012

To all who are in a relationship with a pathological liar... Run away from them as fast as you can. What happened to me and my daughter is so horrific that I cannot even find the words to type to begin to even describe what has happened to us. I have been married to this individual for nearly 30 yrs. Me and our daughter are lucky to be alive and lucky to not be in a place for people who are insane. I pray to God to help us. It takes everything I have mentally to not go crazy. The few people who know somewhat about it all, comment that there are books and movies written about things like what has happened to me but pale in comparison. My situation is ongoing in many respects. Me and my daughter could use prayers, please.

written by Starling, 26 January, 2012

I have registered to reply to you Elizabeth (j 10 December, 2011), so I hope you read this, and is helpful to anyone who is in your situation. You are lucky that you haven’t spent 10 years with this men, but you could easily end up doing that. I would hate making statements like this, as I am always on the side of making effort. But you really have to LEAVE NOW if you haven’t already. And if you already have, you will understand what I’m about to say to you: Now is the time to find out the real truth! Now you are away from him, it is the recovery time. All the lies you lived will start untangling now. Even in your dreams you will, one by one solve all those lies. Some mornings you will wake up saying "Oh God! Thats what it was". Or while watching a good film, when you are not even thinking of the past or him....suddenly, like someone picking out a dirty little bug hidden in your brain. One by one they will all be picked out, until you feel free! It could take a year or three. It took me three years, because I kept my mind extremely busy to avoid going into depression as too many things were coming back to me in flashbacks, and leaving me in tears. But don’t be afraid talk to someone, or of the flashbacks, they are coming to reveal the truth. DON’T BE AFRAID TO GET OVER IT, because once you do, you will feel sorry for not leaving earlier, but you will be grateful that at least you did. This has nothing to do about your partner being a good or bad person. I left my husband in 2003, I care for him deep down, and I pray that he is happy...but away from me!

written by minda, 04 February, 2012

Thanks to all of you for opening my eyes, I need not say my side anymore. everything is already written in this forum. I am already at my prime, but still a victim. More power to this site. for those who had made their decision to RAN, my hugs, kisses and good luck to all of you. Am getting out of here soon...... See you!

written by Ex-Valentine, 14 February, 2012

I have been married to a CL for nearly 14 years. We have been ‘together’ for 26 years although we separated 4 months ago when he suddenly ended our marriage. Things had been bad – but however ugly it got – it never meant the end for me. I meant my vows and was in for the long haul. The resolution with which my husband threw in the towel was bewildering for me and everyone around us – (we have a gorgeous 4 year old child and the separation meant I had to move 3 hours away to go back to my family as we were totally broke!) I did some investigation and discovered a plethora of secret debt and something akin to a gambling habit (Ebay purchasing). He has recently retracted his initial reasons for wanting a divorce and has said he would now like to try marriage guidance. Today, we arranged to speak (last night I discovered new purchases to the tune of thousands of pounds and wanted to see if he’d lie again). Despite the fact that EVERYTHING was at stake for us....he lied again. Completely denied the purchases. Categorically. His tone even seemed to insinuate that I was going mental. Eventually he admitted he hasn’t stopped purchasing – and he owes everyone we know money. He conned his own pensioner father out of THOUSANDS. I have pressed him to get help for his addictions and behaviour patterns for the last 4 months. Even though I know our marriage is dead in the water – he is still the father to a little girl who adores him and deserves so much better than someone who breezes in twice a month and who ultimately doesn’t care between right and wrong. I’m devastated.....but as time goes on I’m getting stronger and have realised that allowing myself and my daughter to continue in his world – which has become so entrenched in lies and deceipt – is no way to live. It’s a huge emotional investment for me to turn my back on but I feel I have no choice. For my daughter....for myself – I have to try and find a different way of life for us than being treated with such disrespect by someone who will never put us first in life. Men are strange creatures at the best of times – but women seem to remain strong when the s**t hits the fan. Keep going people. Even though you’re surrounded by a loved ones ‘fog’ of destruction & self-sabotage – if you remain honest to yourself things will slowly start to get better. I recognised something that’s been written on this blog a few times...’The person I married doesn’t exist’. Sadly – that looks to be true. Whilst he continues to lie (everything that comes out of his mouth is lies) he will never find true peace and happiness....and whilst I no longer want to be a part of his life – that makes me so sad for him and my lovely daughter.

written by TajjyTaz, 23 February, 2012

I am an Indian and as above, I am married to a CL too. We knew each other for year and half before marriage and have been married for 5 years now. during our married years, I got to know he was a liar. like all of you above, he would lie about the silliest of things. What was hard to believe was that even his parents accepted his lies and lied along with him. He had said that his sister was a doctor but we got to know much later on that she had not even completed her graduation.
He states that he is an engineer, but till date I have yet to see his college certificates. He stated that he was going to become a government officer and was preparing for the exams. but till date I have yet to see even an exam hall ticket. I can keep going on.
I had dreams of going abroad and settling. big dreams built on his lies.
I kept trusting him. what kind of a wife would I be I didn’t support him in becoming an officer. then 6 months after our daughter was born, he states that he had failed his officer exams. that when my eyes opened to reality and it hit me hard. I have lost all trust in him. I have stopped believing him. I think I have even stopped loving him. What is love if it was based on lies.
I cannot do anything about it. My daughter loves him to bits. and he loves her. That is one thing I can be sure off. Atleast I think he loves her. I want to divorce him, but I don’t know the effect it would have on my daughter.
I don’t want to harm their relationship. in India, a divorcee does not hold a good reputation. I don’t care what people say about me, but I have to think of my baby. Once she starts school (she is only 2) he peers would label her. Insult her and pull jokes on her stating that her mother is a divorcee. I cannot bear to think of the effect this will have on her.
If only I had gotten to know before I became pregnant, I would probably have left him.
his parents are a bigger pain for me. that is another big story.
I had such a happy childhood and I don’t know why I am stuck in this marriage.
my only solace now is my daughter and my mom.
I want to go away from this country, away from him. But I can’t even do that as all the immigration offices provide visa only for spouse and kid. I cannot take my mom – who I need.
I know he won’t agree to go to a therapist and probably would only lies his way out.
He does not abuse me, or hurt me or yell at me. But this is even worse.
I just don’t know what to do...

written by CamC, 25 March, 2012

I am ALSO married to a compulsive liar. We have only been married for 15 months but that does not make it any easier. I have sought counseling for myself and both psychologists told me to run for the hills. This IS a form of mental abuse which I think is worse and harder to heal from than physical abuse. He lies to me about EVERYTHING, from when the last time he talked to his ex was, to whether or not he has a Facebook, to where he is going for lunch. And those are just the everyday things, not including bigger and much worse things. I can’t sleep and feel exhausted all the time these days. I think we, as victims of compulsive and unnecessary lying, have to move on and find someone who will honor and respect us. Lying is unacceptable in a loving, caring relationship.

written by Mr.H, 27 March, 2012

My wife lies her ass off, she will never admit to anything. Don’t know how much longer I will allow the lies. I am getting down to the last couple of strings. The things I catch her lying about are such minor things, but there is no such thing as a small lie, if you will argue and take such little lies to the grave, Any serious issues or lies will most definitely be taken to the grave. The worst for me is knowing that the other person knows what your talking about, yet they still lie straight to your face! Its like a knife repeatedly stabbing you in the chest!
If your with this person and you have no children, and your no obligations, do yourself a favor, run.

written by Mr S.W., 12 April, 2012

My wife is a chronic liar, she lies several times daily, she steals money almost daily, even if it means that the family (yes we have young children) don’t eat, she steal household goods and sells them, she does little housework, sleeps all day and complains what a miserable life she has whilst meanwhile, I have to work 8-10 hours a day, often until the early hours of the morning, so that I can wake up at 6am, feed the kids, home school them, do the shopping because I can’t trust my wife with money, pay the bills and cook again before starting my days work... I’m almost always, constantly exhausted, he lack of support means I have to take up the slack, it’s been 7 years and I must say that I’m finally succumbing to exhaustion.

written by Anichy, 15 April, 2012

My spouse is a huge liar. Can’t tell the truth about anything. Even claims he didn’t eat all day when I know he had lunch and stopped for an ice cream. I found out things last year and have to keep myself informed. Nagging and questioning is not my nature. He voluntarily initiates conversations with lies. When he says one thing, I know to believe the opposite 95% of the time. It’s alot of stupid, meaningless things he lies about. I found out secrets of his too that will eventually be the demise in the marriage. Compulsive lying is a disease. My brother is one too. It’s sad and ruins relationships. I pray every day that the truth will set me free and things are coming to fruition. Wish all you the best in your life and keep the faith.

written by I NEED ADVICE PLEASE, 17 June, 2012

I need help. My husband is a compulsive liar. His ex wife is also. I’ve been through hell and back. I’ve been put in harms way due to ridiculous lies. (like he cheated on me and lied for a year by telling the woman he was seeing ridiculous stuff about me, she reveled herself toward the end by harassing my phone and tried to get my phone turned off during a hurricane evacuation) Can you do anything if the lieing gets so big that it puts you in physical danger? What charges can you press? Are there any laws to protect me?

written by girlSeekingLove, 20 June, 2012

Hello everyone, i am not happy for not being alone, it is so sad that there’s so many people suffering because of their compulsive liar husbands/wives/girlfriends or boyfriends. It is sad that there are so many compulsive liars all over the place..it is unbelievable..

So i will say, it is happening to me too, there is that guy, appeared in my life, made all the difference and few months later i realized he is worse than the rest! A compulsive liar indeed, it’s been 8-9 months now and i can’t recall a true he said, when caught he is always covering with another lie, and another, till he gets all apologetic and pathetic..i can’t get him out of my life as he refuses to leave me alone. I’ve been seeing counselors and sharing with friends and i totally lost respect for myself after all my stupidity trusting him over and over again. I’ve been seeking for mistakes in my reactions but, it is not my fault..i never made him lie, he started lying from the beginning and much before we met, i tried to be supportive and to encourage him to tell the truth, but what’s the point, he’s made so much mistakes, made up so many lies to cover his cheating and seeing other girls and doing tons of stuff behind my back and all his actions look like he does not give a damn and yet he has the eyes to look me in the eyes, tell me he loves me that he does not want to let go of me and that he will make it right. And i feel guilty for giving him a chance but not in my heart because he is so dead to me and having no feelings for him anymore. Recently after i caught him in so many lies, i really feel the urge to talk to the other girls and find for my own sake because my sanity tells me he is lying all the time, even if he is telling the truth..but with the compulsive liars you never know? And with him was so difficult to catch him because he does not make himself looking like a superhero or too abused, though he says it is from childhood. How to trust that? Do i talk to the parents? Now as we started seeing a couple’s counselor, how do i ever know that he really wants to change and that what he says is true? Everything feels like a big big lie and i want to escape but i am staying at the moment as i want to try my chance to help him. Reading all the comments i feel scared it is never going to happen. He had a previous relationship for 5 years lying and lying to that poor girl and now me..But his lies are so simple and possible that only if you live with him you can catch them, otherwise his lies are so down to earth that his poor friends will never know, he won’t ever suffer from loosing his friends, or failing miserably at his work place and might never want to change, because it hasn’t caused so much damage to himself, he is only loosing girlfriends as a result but maybe that is not enough to make him realize the need to change...Help!

written by tired of abuse, 27 June, 2012

been married for 13years with a cl he has lied to me from the day i met him to the present. He will not change and does not admit to any of his lies. we argue every day about the lieing. the next day he acts like nothing has happened.he changes jobs every year (claims that it was on his own terms, but i knows he gets fired), I had to put a lock on my mailbox because he would come home during lunch hours and take all the mail important mail (bills/collection notices/traffic tickets) and store them in a secret place in our basement all unopened. I constantly receive phone calls from collection agencies and people looking for him. His excuse is that he has always paid for eveything, its always a mistake, and the people looking for him are all crazy. He has ruined my entire social life because he has promised at some point in time to all our friends he would do something for them but never does anything for anyone. his favorite word is TOMORROW, tomorrow everything will be ok. He feels no shame/remorse. when we argue he shows no emotion, he just says I’m the one with the problem because i can’t trust him and I’m always angry. He says i should get counseling because i have an anger management problem. He cannot understand why someone would be angry at being lied every day of her life about everything small to big issues. I have three girls with this cl and can no longer take it anymore. i can provide for me and the girls on my own. dont need his help, the only reason i stay with in this marriage is because I’m not willing to share custody. But i am considering divorcing him but allowing him to stay home so we can both see the kids, just dont want to deal with his financial chaos and anymore of his lies
frustrated in ny.

written by Fed Up Completely, 29 June, 2012

The arguments that somehow have too many details, confuse me, and end up in me being at fault....smh...no thanks. I’m done. I can’t take anymore lies. I for one am getting my ducks in a row and heading for the nearest exit. The way to deal with a compulsive liar......document everything for the divorce proceedings.....or for simply your sanity if you are so inclined to endure emotional abuse. My liar invested in a tape recorder & I commandeered it....the best 39.95 he ever spent...& he is too passive aggressive to say it bothers him that I took it & at this point....I could care less. I refuse to pay a shrink to tell me the obvious. I am pretty introspective already and I have carried his burdens for years, accepted the blame game, the arguments started in guilt for his unfaithfulness....no more. Divorce is bliss. It is the waiting patiently to do it that is tough.

written by Sick of It really!, 01 July, 2012

My story is no different. Just has different twists. I found out my liar husband of two and a half years was not married before and a bunch of other serious cover-ups he threw at me too. Some might say that first marriage thing is a good thing but my "ideal" husband was to be a divorced man. This he was aware of made it clear. I had a previous divorce (15+ yrs)and I needed someone on the same level- someone understanding what it meant to go through a failed marriage and lose your credit, home, job... Maybe it is just me but if you have experienced these types of things you learn from the mistakes leading to divorce and fight harder to keep a marriage if you are lucky to marry again especially if it takes tens of years to re-build what you lost. And when did I find out this key fact he had not been married? When he had to apply for social security disability. He could not lie to the government. That brings us to lie no. 2. He became disabled less than a year of us being married. I was devastated. The doctor’s were puzzled. How could this healthy man’s body just shut down and stop functioning. We were still at honeymoon phase. Because he knew it was happening two years before he met me and failed to tell me for fear I would run the other way. Wrightfully so. He hid his illiness. We dated a year before marriage- trying to do the right way, no sex, never lived together- had our own homes so I would have never known and shortly after marriage all hell breaks loose. But he is sooooo calm and I am devasted. But the liar already knew his failing health and told the doctors he doesn’t know what is wrong with him. After tens of thousands of dollars of medical to determine his problem (which is now worst stage) and months of hospital and me resigning my career being a care provider and taken for granted fool – I decided to get some legal advice about his previous doctors not informing him of his health because he new doctors were just to stunned. Got all the medical records and wham! Dude signed affidavits and disclosures from his previous doctors years back when he was stage two of his illness acknowledging his condition and so forth and how it would be a long horrible health problem for ever. I confronted him but he denies knowing the medical information despite his signature is all over the place. I could go on and on from this point but it only goes downhill because I sacrificed my career and everything thinking I was doing the right thing for this man and our marriage unknowing he lied about his health to me. Throughout this ordeal I have discovered questionable extra-marital relationships going on behind my back that he defends (can’t call when you are in ICU so at 4, 5, 6am they will call and text you). A family with strong incest – so strong my eyebrows are raised. Went to marriage counseling to help me cope with the medical issues and these issues and all that I have to deal with and even the counselor raised her eyebrows. Oh! Did I fail to mention he had herpes and never told me and tried to say the medicine I found was blood pressure pills. Ladies I’ve got a good one. Two plus years of marriage. If anyone believes in prayer ask the Lord to speed up the deliver of me from this mess. I’m looking high and low for employment and a place to start all over again.

written by wishihadquit, 02 July, 2012

To everyone out there who is involved with a C/L – please take the leap and get out of the relationship NOW. I have been married to my husband for 32 LONG, LONELY years. He has used these many years to refine his "ART" and has learned quickly to adapt his lies to most any situation. I have lost my youth and become old and paranoid. He has worked hard to try to convince me that all our problems are my fault because I have "trust issues". He’s right. I don’t trust anything that spews from his mouth. He spent 28 years in the military and you would assume that he had learned the meaning of integrity. Not even. All the time away from me (and sometimes right under my nose)was spent engaging in everything but appropriate behavior. He hid things so well, I usually wouldn’t find out about his escapades until months later. Why did I put up with him? He is like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. A good provider, nice and kind when it suits him. Mean and nasty when he is tired of being around you and needs a new escape. I am so entangled and invested in this mess that I feel there is no escape. We moved from base to base, city to city, and every time we moved I lost grades in my civil service job. I went from a GS-9 to being unable to obtain a job when we got stationed overseas. Got back to the states and with the economy tanked – haven’t worked in years and years – basically unemployable now. Thank God I realized early on that kids were not in the picture for this relationship. He has lied to everyone, been in trouble with the military, been in trouble with his civilian job and just doesn’t seem to get it. The lies go from the smallest most ridiculous issues to the huge infidelity matters – but no matter what the lie – he seems like he cannot even tell himself the truth...he just keeps making up more lies to cover the lies he tells. He hardly ever admits to the infidelity issues, the pornography (which, after destroying two computer hard drives finally said he might have "accidentally" been to a few sites to cause the viruses/crashes), or to the everyday lies I catch him in. Dealing with him has made me feel crazy and out of control and totally obsessed with trying to figure out what is and isn’t true. It is exhausting. I am just ashamed of myself for letting this relationship destroy my life. I once thought this man was a knight in shining armor. I now see him as he is, a man that doesn’t understand or care that his lies have destroyed me and my once promising future. Counseling?!! It is a joke to him. He has been forced to go as discipline matters from military/work and he thinks he knows more than the counselor..he laughs because he says he knows how to make them think what he wants them to so he can get out of the required counseling "punishment" quicker. This is just sad. Please everyone – don’t waste all those years double checking everything in your life – for the rest of your life. Bale out now – while you can.

written by Tired of it, 22 July, 2012

I do feel good knowing I am not alone. Let me start by saying I’m like all of you. 8 years into this mess and 2 kids. I was 4 months pregnant with our 3rd kid. I found out he was cheating. Par for the course. I am a huge Christian and at that time we were not married. We went through pre-marriage counseling, purity and got married last year. Now here we are 9 years together married 1 year and 3 kids. He has lied and lied and lied the entire last year. I have tired and tried and tried to make this marriage work. We are now united as one under God right? Today here we have another lie. Just like the rest of you guys he got this from his mother. She is a CL and he too learned well. He was raised in the projects of Bronx NY. Here I am a southern SC girl. We met in South Florida and I should have ran long ago. I stayed after we had our 1st child because I was raised in a broken home and I wanted to give my child what I didn’t have. I have found out about 5 kids in NY. God only knows about his past. I could go on and on but what’s the point? Again, I am a HUGE Christian and I have searched and searched in the Bible where I have grounds to leave his ass but all I find is adultery. Do I refuse sex so he commits adultery. I’m just at a loss. What in the hell am I suppose to do now. I can’t trust a word that comes out of his mouth. He is consuming my time with tracking down his lies. My mind races as to what is he lying about that I don’t know about. I’m just tired of not being able to trust my husband or enjoy my life with the father of my children. I read in one comment where the the wife just felt sick that someone else would come alone and gain from all of the hard work. I too feel like that. All of the shit I have put up with and now someone else will gain. Although; that gives me a sick feeling I’m just done. I’m tired of the lies I don’t want my kids to be like him. Hell they have his genes. I pray on how I can raise them to stop the CL cycle. Do I go to counseling with him? Divorce him? what do I do biblically. Trust me if the Bible said it’s OK to divorce over CL I would have already filed. I’m so aggravated.

written by misnmymom, 30 July, 2012

I am amazed that so many women have lived or currently live in a lying facade of tales. I am nearly 50 years old and have been subjected to a plethora of lies, some huge many ridiculous. The feeling of shame and failure is what keeps me captive. That, and fear, my fear of losing all I have worked for, I earned. I am an intelligent professional who finally admits he won. My self respect, trust and money is gone. He has been to many therapists, and like all liars, he says more lies to justify the last one. I have read over many of these postings, and they all ring the same bells. Each is trapped in this web of lies feel crazy, and he tries to convince us, we are delusional; needing help or more meds. When in reality, it is his addictions and CL that he is truly hiding from....there is always an addiction or two involved, and it always means thousands of dollars are gone; once again. I have delayed the inevitable for 30 years. My children have suffered in silence & in person to the atrocities he spins & the anger I spew at him...they are the real casualties. ESP. My Son. CL is repeated in dysfunctional families such as mine. No matter how hard you fight..you cannot fight what you don’t see. No one sees the lies, thus no one feels your pain. But your children do...sadly.i knew 30 yrs ago he was damaged. I believed he could change. And again and again and again, I am wrong, I was always wrong. But I never owned the crazy he would spit at me. Most of us strive everyday to do good. We wake to the new day with renewed hope, an unwavering faith in God, and another chance to make it right for ourselves for our children. I now know, I cannot change him. I cannot help him. I can only help myself which will help my children. So, what do I do? Well, after reading all of the postings since 2007, my heart is less sad and lost knowing there is a plan to be made. My plan, to finally put my life in order and away from the constant pain of his lies. May God continue to hold each us in the palm of his hands.

written by oregonteacher, 31 July, 2012

I married a compulsive liar. I saw "red flags" before marrying, but pushed them aside. This is my 2nd marriage after being married for 28 years to my ex. It came to a head about 4 weeks after the wedding when I found out a HUGE LIE that he told me. Of course he explained it away. The only thing I am SO GLAD about is that I didn’t open any accounts with him and all my $$ is in a trust (as well as my home, vehicles, and retirement). After reading your stories I know I am NOT ALONE, but it sure can be lonely in this marriage.

written by suffering, 01 August, 2012

No matter how much prayer, no matter how many years, no matter how nice Mr. Nice Guy is – he is a pathological liar who will swear on his life, his mothers life, mine, my children’s and grandchildren’s lives, that he is not lying. His new response is "I have never done nothing." But more that is the realization after 25 years that he is gay. Of course he denies that too. There have been may instances over the years with concrete evidence pointing to the possibility of such an accusation. However, there is no denying something that seems to smack me in the face every time we’re in public and he cannot control the urge to seek out and openly flirt with men. Of course he denies this as well. I have witnessed more often than I’d like to remember. It is bad enough to feel demeaned by the compulsive lying, but when there is no intimacy, no trust and no friendship left, what is there? I have chosen to put all of these incidences in the past over and over again, and to try to forget only to be reminded again the very next time we’re in public. I can’t take it anymore. There is no more denying myself the right to peace and joy; something that is not possible with someone who refuses to tell the truth.
Everybody loves this Mr. Nice Guy as he is very personable, charming, good looking and generous, however no one knows him like I do. I have left him on several occasions after discovering his secret lifestyle and then gone back. This time I feel I must file for divorce and move on. It is much harder this time to leave than ever. Why? you might ask. I think it is because I realize the finality of the situation. I was never good with death and this definitely is the death of not just the relationship, no matter how dysfunctional it was, but the death of an era, of 25 years of hopes and dreams, the false sense of security, a home that I will have to leave because he won’t. I am very saddened by this. But I know God has a bigger plan for me and that is what keeps me putting one foot in front to the other.

written by Blank, 05 August, 2012

I just got married early this year, and I find it very hard to deal with my liar of a husband. I have known him for a very long time and it just sickens me to know that he told lies about hundreds of things and when he is confronted about them he avoids the conversation by all cost or just says "that has past a long time ago and I don’t want to talk about it". Is he serious, too many lies and too much deception. This is my first marriage and his second and he too was married to a liar so they were perfect together and should have stayed together. He lied about ever being married, having someone in his life and even lied about having kids. Earlier in our courtship he lied to say that he had to go away for family issues and would be gone for a while, but gave me a promise ring and said he would be back after a while. I did not wait on him purposely I was just not rushing into another relationship. I wanted to breathe and take it slow. Low and behold he popped up again at my job 2 years later saying that he was back. Okay, so I was the idiot who took him back and have regretted it since. He is a sweetheart, very successful, strong tall and handsome, and he is extremely respectful when he is not telling lies, but I just wish that I married a man who could come clean about things instead of exaggerating the truth and just being able to face the fact that he is the biggest liars I have ever met. I honestly cannot see past 5 years being married to him, but sadly enough I know he has issues and needs me. I guess I really need help, but eventually I will probably let him down slowly because I cannot live the rest of my life with a liar. It’s sickening.

written by Melissa meagan, 08 August, 2012

Well I am now in this very exact boat and have been for the past year. My fiancé for some reason feels the need to lie to me constantly, even if it is the smallest whitest lie. When we first started dating he would lie to me about talking to his exs late at night and I know that I should have cut things off right then and there. Things progressively got worse as he started lying about his porn addiction and everything else in the world. We broke up about three months after I got pregnant due to him looking online for a PROSTITUTE! That he apparently was just looking because he knew it would make me mad. So when I found proof he lies again. I left , after many night of him trying to convince me that he will get help and get better I decided to move back in with him except we moved to a different city for work purposes. So I left my whole life behind for this guy, was it worth it? Not anymore really. I am now 7 months pregnant and he lies about everything. He promises to go to counseling and get on meds because he has been diagnosed with severe ADHD but I don’t know how much more I can handle. He lies about literally everything and I have threatened to walk away numerous times but to him it’s just "no please I need you" yeah we’ll if you did you would be changing.
I am starting to realize the only way is to get out which is sad because I do love him but I will not put up with this anymore. Good luck and hugs to you all

written by Steve – Just another Steve, 26 August, 2012

For ANYONE who is in an ongoing relationship with a compulsive liar, you may as well get out now while you can, unless you can see ongoing and constant steps toward self-discovery, self-acceptance, and change on the part of your partner. Most often, I believe compulsive lying is due to some major secret (i.e. – childhood sexual abuse, gender dysphoria, etc), where early on, it was "necessary" to lie as a coping mechanism. Thus lying became a way of maintaining control, and they more or less became "control freaks" in some attempt to take back some semblance of control of their surroundings. For them, lying is "better" because it protects them, and keeps them in the driver’s seat. Meanwhile, it continues to erode their self esteem because they know deep down that what they’re doing isn’t right. Thus, like any addict, they are in a downward spiral that they can’t get out of until THEY are ready to do something about it (not spurred onward by their mate). Genuine change will only come when they’ve realized that they cannot sustain it and that it’s hurting them more than it’s helping them – and they begin to come to terms with what started the whole ball rolling (most likely an event that resulted in very severe feelings of shame). For them, a "created world" is a better place because the one that they inherited is filled with extreme pain.

written by so glad I am not alone, 04 September, 2012

I am living with a liar. He lies about everything. I feel like I cannot trust him and that the whole idea of our relationship is a lie. He also has 3 children and his youngest, his daughter is a compulsive liar as well and he always defends her no matter if you catch her in the middle of a lie or not. It is getting to be overwhelming. I never know if what he is saying is true or not. I feel as though I have to check out everything he says and follow up on everything. It’s embarrassing to go anywhere with him because I know that everyone thinks he is a bullsh___ter and they can’t stand talking to him. He gets new "best friends" every few years because people get sick of him so quickly.
I cannot stand it much longer but every time I threaten to leave, he tells me that he will make lies up about me to my job and they no nothing about him. I keep him at a distance from my work people because I cannot afford to have them know much about my personal life. They all think he is great, handsome and very charismatic. (which he is very good looking and very charismatic) that is how he reels people in.
I know he will do this because he is also very vindictive and I have seen the wrath he can put on other people.
I can go on forever but I am glad that I am not the only one who goes through this on a daily basis.

written by Charlie, 20 September, 2012

This site makes me sick to my stomach, I can’t believe so many women are going through so much pain. I thought I was alone – alone not only in my situation (what idiot marries a liar and doesn’t even know it, I asked myself) but completely alone in how to deal with it all on a day-to-day basis. The problem has become so layered, so messy, so vile I just don’t know what we are supposed to do. What hurts the most is watching the person you can’t help but love ruin you and deceive you and cause you so much pain, while they continue to do it over and over again. Where is their conscience?? Mine is here all the time telling me, you have to be patient, supportive, think of your child, think of the reasons he does it and help him get through it, but all for what and how long??? It’s a huge risk and a lot to ask of someone when there are no guarantees. I now see marriage as a trap, a horrible mis-sold trap that traps victims and frees the abusers. I stand to lose everything I have ever worked for and dreamed of, there is no fair way out of a problem I played no part in. All I did was discover it. All I am doing now is reacting to it and trying to get through it but I just don’t know how!! It hurts so much to know your own husband who you share everything with can deceive you knowingly over and over again despite being aware of the effects. The help is all there for him – poor him, he must be struggling knowing he’s told so many lies, he must be under so much pressure, he must me in so much pain and feel so low... WHAT?? And what about me and my daughter?? Who looks out for the people affected day to day by these evil beings???! I am so angry I am so hurt I am so overwhelmed by the emotions that have taken over me as a result of what he has done. While I see so many of us going through the same thing why is it we still feel alone?? I think it;s a joke he can go to meetings like debtors anonymous and liars anonymous and have therapy that just massage his ego into convincing him he’s a poor old soul. Am furious. My heart goes out to each and every one of those women and children suffering at the hands of their lying husbands and fathers.

written by DavidT, 03 October, 2012

I have been married to a compulsive liar for 10 years. It is all so surreal that these people exist. I am at the point to where I really want to see my wife suffer. As she cares for no one but herself. She lied to me about her entire life. And we were ministry leaders. I caught her in a two year affair with one of her college friends just two days before our anniversary. She actually had the nerve to tell me to "get over it, this kind of thing happens to people all the time". She also thinks that it is so unheard of that I want to strangle her. Of course I am divorcing her and will fight for custody of my kids and will never have anything to do with her again. She actually thinks I want to be her best friend. It’s amazing that these people exist and fool so many. How I wish I could tell you everything. The crazy thing is she’s not good at lying and people still believe her. I have just reached the point to where I strongly believe there is no God and she has done a lot of her dirt in the name of God. I am at a lost for words and can’t believe this is my life. We have 2 children and all of my wifes lies began while we were dating and I didn’t take it seriously and she only got worse as time went by. Amazing that these people actually exist. Just truly amazing. I want to encourage all who read this, Do not try to make it work, they will never change and they don’t have the ability to change or care about anyone but themselves.

written by JillianM, 05 October, 2012

My husbands been a CL since day one. And all I want to say about all those people who are a CL is. That their selfish self centered pigs!(male & female) Who would put someone that you so call loved through that much pain and suffering. It makes me sick that I’m still with this guy. But you know what I’m all about going big and maybe a little revenge. Just bust his balls a little, just like he would do to me. Make me feel bad that I’m asking all these questions. Saying he’s changed and won’t do it again. You know I can predict when he’s going to mess up almost every three months or so he does. That’s sick right? I have a little girl to think of and expecting an other. I don’t know why I would want to have another kid with him. When he does this to our family all the time. All I am to him is a baby maker, a house cleaner and food preparer. That’s all he needs me for! He won’t let me look at his pay stubs and I know he buys drugs with the money we have left over. He was high on my birthday a couple weeks ago. And he had the audacity to tell me like he always does that he’s sick. I’m sorry I’ve never seen in my hole life when someone was sick act like there having a good time being that way. Wtf? All I know is that we’re done there is no fixing this relationship and I can’t wait to start over with my kids. They are the LOVES of my life and are going to be that way.

written by David T, 12 November, 2012

I was married 10 years and just found out 2 days before our 10 yr anniversary, 04/25/12 to be exact,that my wife lied about her entire life. I am still recovering. We are not divorced yet but I encourage you to get away from him. Start the separation now because it will take time. Things will only get worse and you will never know the whole truth. They have no conscience and couldn’t if they wanted. You will continue to be destroyed while he is constantly enjoying his own life which is what he really cares about. Please leave don’t get lost in his lies like I did. There is no justice for those opposing compulsive liars. The best thing to do is leave. I know it’s hard, it’s still hard for me but I am taking it one day at a time until I am totally separated from her. We have 2 beautiful children and none of my family, friends, co-workers, church members can imagine us apart. I only tell them to use their imagination a little more. It’s me against the world right now. It’s amazing that this is actually happening to me.

written by David T, 12 November, 2012

Leave now – its’ not worth it. You will only be destroyed more. I know it’s difficult, it was hard for me but I had to ask myself, "what am I missing in life". My family, friends, church and co-workers can’t even imagine us apart, but I have no life surrounded by her lies. I am still in shock that I am married to such a woman. Well we are in process of divorce. She lied about entire life and has been with different me even while we were dating. But what did it for me was to catch her in a 3 year relationship while we were married. Please save yourself – they don’t get better. I tried everything, all she does is cry and says she will never lie again. And we all know that’s a lie.

written by This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it , 10 December, 2012

It’s so sad to read all of these posts. I too, married a CL. He too, like all the stories I have heard, lies about EVERYTHING! He tells me I am the crazy one, go figure...The saddest part of this story is that I could NOT have children and he has two wonderful children that live with us. Neither his ex nor he deserves these children because they are two of the most selfish people in the entire world! These children sadly, couldn’t choose their parents, they unfortunately got stuck with these two NUTS for parents, sad, but true! I pay EVERY single bill in the house, mortgage, utilities, food, even school and their doctor’s visits (medicine) without even a THANK YOU! Even, any extracurricular activities these children have, however, I get NO HELP, that’s right, NO HELP, and from either of these dead beat losers they call parents. The children even call me mom and it’s not because I asked them to. My situation is different as I don’t want to leave because of these precious children; however, I cannot continue to be married to a money sucking, self-centered jerk who accuses me of having affairs with anyone from the postman, to the UPS/Fed-Ex man, to my own father! I have asked him to seek help, however, he says, I am the one with the problem. Much like the rest of you, I am seeking help from a wonderful Christian counselor who is trying to teach me to "learn boundaries". My mother, God rests her soul...always told me, I always brought home all the stray animals!! Well, mom, if you can hear me now, "I’m letting this stray animal go"; he is definitely eaten up with some type of incurable RABIES which has made him insane!! But what do I do about the babies? I love them unconditionally and it is tearing my heart to pieces every day...Where is the justice for the children? They are innocent in all of this? Why do I keep attracting these types of men? Where’s the love, respect and trust like our parents experienced? Is it out there anymore??? What has the world evolved to?????

written by Debbie E., 18 December, 2012

Your stories are my stories. The only thing I don’t understand is how can you love your liars. Relationships are based on trust. Once I realized mine was a liar and that I could not trust him, I no longer loved him. Mine lies about money. He constantly pretends to have less than he actually does. His mother, when she was alive, did the very same thing and I absolutely hated her. What’s there to like about someone who lies. I used to think he was economically abusive. We went to marriage counselors. I used to think/hope things would get better. Liars are charmers. They pretend that things will get better, but they are lying, maybe to themselves, maybe to you. I do not think I can survive financially with only my salary. I am looking for a new job, but for so long I had false hopes. I’m not sure why, but finally after (I,m embarrassed to say, 25 yrs) I finally get it. He doesn’t really care about our children. Liars are self centered and do not change. They do attempt to fake you feel crazy, but what you have to keep in mind is that liars try to change reality. Normal people do not. I’m not out of this sick relationship yet, but anyone who has the financially means should get out ASAP. I know my life will be harder financially, but I crave normal, not twisted. Best wishes to all in finding a happier life without mentally ill human beings.

written by Crazy1, 15 January, 2013

I’m up at 12:23 a.m. trying to figure out what I’m doing. I am crying reading these stories because they are my life. I feel like I’m losing my mind. I have humiliated myself contacting people from his past just trying to get to the truth. EVERY TIME I "check" on a story, I find out it was a lie. The thing that makes me feel worse is that I knew of so many lies prior to marrying him, but I made excuses for why he would lie about certain things... like omitting that fact that he was married before, where he was from, his name... ok, even as I type this I feel stupid. He told me pictures of his ex was his sister. There was absolutely no reason for that.. he made up a detailed story about a situation that happened early in our marriage. He basically lies about everything. Just this week I found out about several more lies from his past... I can’t take it. I appreciate just being able to vent to people that actually understand.. and yes, there was a situation of infidelity that I’m aware, but after all of this, I find it hard to believe that it was only once. I don’t think anything short of a lie detector test would make me believe it. I feel like I’ve wasted my life and built a life around a myth.

written by Kait, 02 February, 2013

What a shame...to wake up one day in the marital bed and feel you’re sleeping with a stranger! After so many fabrications, the marriage becomes a breeding ground for "more of that!" It’s also possible that both parties were caught up in lies and fabrications in the beginning of their relationship; sometimes, we’re all eager to make a big impression- and embellish our pasts here and there....before you know it- the lies become more and more elaborate and it’s harder to distinguish between truth and fiction. It’s lucky when finally the couple realizes their true love for each other is able to overcome the lies...and they discover that being truthful and trusting of one another is the ultimate "high"- joy! Sometimes, the lies stop for only one of the parties. That’s "good" but not enough when the other never develops or matures past compulsive lying. The fakery between them will scrape holes in their marriage..deep, painful holes... It’s not realistic to think the "other" party is going to easily handle the party that remains a liar. And, sometimes, both parties get back into the swing of things before there isn’t a shred of truth and trust to be found. I truly understand those of us that have, are, and will deal with these disturbing and not joy-enhancing issues. Underneath the skin of most liars is a person who doesn’t have the highest feeling of self-worth, self-esteem, confidence and so forth. If they did, they wouldn’t resort/rely on that behavior (and yes, at some point it does become an addiction)-it seems to me that somewhere in their childhood they masked difficulties, abuse, at home dysfunction and used lies to create a more comfortable world in which to live- though totally a mythological world. It was their comfort zone...it made them bigger, stronger, more popular, esteemed...even feared! Regardless, it is always better if the one that is consumed by lying was able to get into therapy to examine and analyze why they continue along this path; perhaps, evolving to the point where the rest of the loved ones desire to be with them; they might have to stick around because of various reasons (financial, health, etc.) but, that doesn’t mean deep down inside they are not living a life of resignation and that isn’t a joyful place for anyone really! Still, in all... unless the person resorts to being abusive or cheating...or has other issues of addiction...perhaps the marriage can continue...though like a bird with one wing. I don’t feel anyone needs to go "crazy"...that person eventually will succumb to their own deviousness and deceptions. Patience and perseverance unless there is abuse. IF that’s that case- seek to leave... and try the best you can to look forward...

written by Aksala, 16 February, 2013

So, to deal with a pathological liar and you have grown children? I had to completely withdrawal myself from any member that may give any information of me to him? I even had to separate myself from my children and my grandchildren to keep my life out of the loop of information? I think this is the only way I can deal with him as there were two other girls after me that killed/died and the law enforcement say a lot women commit suicide? I do not believe this til this day? I think you need to be safe and distant yourself from these kind of men as they have no soul? I still am in shock of how these kind if men are out there and everybody blames a women’s mental state? Think and be safe?

written by Steph44, 21 February, 2013

I can’t believe how many of these stories I see myself in. Carbon copies some of them! I started a support group on facebook called "I married a liar support group". I welcome anyone to come and share stories, vent, offer and get support, or just come and look if you want. I just made the page tonight so it’s only me, but after reading all the stories here at least I know I’m far from the only one.
Thanks.....
Steph