Past Comments – My lies have destroyed my relationship

Comments (64)

written by Guest, 06 September, 2006
I have recently discovered my wife has been lying to me for the past year. She had control of the finances, and for the past year she had not paid one bill. I lost my house and car and now am $30,000 in debt to collectors. She went as far as to stop the mail, so I wouldn??t see any of the collection notices or foreclosure. She made up intricate lies to continue to cover up our financial problems. It all came ahead when her brother told me she worked in a factory plant and not a hospital. She was going to college to be a nurse, and told me she graduated. I love her very much, and would like to seek help. Is it possible to get past such a magnitude of lies and deceit? Does she have a problem with lying or is she just trying to cover her mistakes?
Expert
written by Guest, 06 September, 2006
Compulsive lying can be dangerous to be around not only because it destroys trust. Compulsive lying also prevents the truth from being known – robbing people of the ability to make informed decisions. One good way to determine the extent of the problem you are facing is to weigh the damage that’s been done. Small lies can be difficult to deal with, but big lies can destroy lives. Most people tell small lies, but compulsive liars typically lie about a wide range of issues – both trivial and consequential – causing extensive damage to those who place their trust in them.
a lying drinking girl-friend
written by Guest, 08 September, 2006
I have a big problem with my girlfriend. She tells me lies everyday. Some are ‘white lies’ even if I donâ??t accept the term and tough lies which lead me to lose trust in her. She promised me not to drink daily. But what I see everyday on the webcam that she is always red and tells me that it is due to the temperature of the air. I have a friend living next to her and she tells me that she is constant liar; I donâ??t know what to do. I love her so much abut at the same time I cannot confront her with her lies and my suspicion. By the way she lives away from me and we talk each day thru the net. Can you pls advise me for I am in very need of your help. Should I warn her, should I tell her that I know she lies?
written by Norman, 13 November, 2006
I too have been the recipient of being insulted and degraded by being lied to. The reason given was that she did not want to hurt me. My God... was that supposed to make me feel better? She is now with another man who is also a pathological liar. I hope that they are very happy together. Look after number 1: yourself. That`s not being selfish, just sensible. Remember it`ll be better to shed a few tears now than to live a lifetime of suspicion and misery. These people care about no one but themselves.
PLEASE HELP! I Am A Compulsive Liar!
written by Pseudonym, 26 November, 2006
Hello everyone!

I am new to this site, and could really use some help.

I am a 33 year-old divorced mom with 2 kids, and I have had a severe problem with compulsive lying for most of my life. Although I could probably venture to guess where it stems from, at this point it is not important to me to understand why. What is important is how to stop.

As a child, lying caused me many problems. As an adult, it has interfered in virtually all of my relationships.

I have never cheated or lied about what most people lie about (i.e.- past relationships; sexual activity; whereabouts; etc.). In fact, my lies are not in any way manipulative or a means to get anything other than maybe respect and admiration that I don’t feel I would otherwise receive.

Most of my lies tend to be about my past or who I really am. For example, the kind of relationship I have with my family; my financial stability; etc. I think perhaps I try to create a life for myself that is better than the one I actually have to somehow impress others.

It’s sad, really, and I have been overwhelmed with guilt about this for so many years, that it causes me great pain in my life- especially when I consider what a poor example I may be setting for my children, though they don’t have any clue now.

I began dating a wonderful man 2 years ago, and ended the relationship after 6 months, rather than confess the truth. About 6 months ago, he and I began dating once again, and not only have I not told him about all of my lies, but I have added to them. Unfortunately, lying is a habit for me. This is not meant as an excuse, but rather an explanation. I want so badly to rid myself of this terrible habit that has destroyed my life.

To complicate matters, I believe I found true love for the very first time in my life. Despite my lying, the relationship is extremely healthy. We have a wonderful friendship caught on fire and I know I can trust this man completely. He has expressed that he loves me very much and wants a future with me, and I am confident that if there is a way to move past these lies, we could be so very happy together.

I would like to find a way to salvage the relationship by confessing my wrongdoings. I know that he will be heartbroken and shocked. I know that he may not be able to forgive me, and that it may very well cost me the relationship. However, without honesty on my part, I am well aware that the relationship is doomed anyway.

Again, my lies are concerning my life- my family, where I come from, my financial stability, education, etc. Though he will be very hurt by the idea, the lies were not intended to be hurtful.

I don’t want to lose a chance at happiness with this incredible man that I know is right for me. At the same time, I simply just want to fix myself- regardless of the future of this relationship.

I have known I had a problem for over 20 years, yet this is the first step I have ever taken to ask for help. I assure you, it’s an honest one. If there is anyone out there who can offer me some advice, I would be greatly appreciative.

Thank you for your time,
Pseudonym
in response to Pseudonym
written by X, 28 November, 2006
Reading what you wrote struck me: it sounds like it could be me. I don’t have any advice or help, since I feel stuck in my lies just like you. I don’t lie to cover up things I’m doing, I lie, it seems, to build a better, more admirable past for myself. Other than that, I’m in an incredibly healthy relationship where the love is genuine and I hate myself that I’m dooming this amazing relationship through my lies--lies that, at the beginning, seemed harmless but then, the closer we grew, just started to weigh on me. I am more comfortable telling lies than telling the truth; I guess I have trouble believing that people will accept me and love me the way I really am, so I have to fabricate things in order to have love in my life, of any kind. And every time I tell a lie, I say to myself, "this is the last one, I’m not going to tell any more, I’m done with lying." Every time. And it doesn’t work.

I feel like I’m in way over my head, and I don’t know how to swim to the surface. I just keep sinking.

And I can’t afford therapy. I just feel so stuck.

Pseudonym, I’m with you. I understand you. I need help...
written by fallgirl, 25 February, 2007
I am the same way, I have never cheated on my husband, just lied about stupid things, so that he would think I was worthy of him. Now I am trapped, and I don’t have the resources for counseling. I pray that we all can get through this.
Hurting the people that I Love by Lying
written by D.J., 21 March, 2007
I was told as a child by my mother, that if my step-dad asked where I got my new clothes, tell him they were given to me. I now have a horrible lying problem that is destroying my life. I’m not blaming my mom. I’m trying to understand where this came from, so I can STOP! This has destroyed 2 marriages and I have no respect left for myself. Please help.
written by KEVYN, 23 April, 2007
Its so hard to confront the truth about yourself when truth and lies get so mixed up you don’t know one from the other. How can there be a cure when everything is so muddy?
written by Alias, 20 June, 2007
PART ONE:

You know that I found this site as I was searching for the impact that little white lies have on relationships. Most people are privy to telling the odd little white lie in their lives. In a relationship sense though I feel it can be a bad basis for any hope of a relationship with longevity.

I have learned of the impact it can have on the partner. I told a little white lie to defend myself from a statement that to me was implicating I had done something wrong – and in my answer, I embellished on the truth of it a little. I don’t know why I did so, it was a trivial matter. But this trivial matter made my partner – who already had trust issues with me in the start, begin to question my integrity and honesty.

It happened after exchanging glances with one of his closest friends where the friend’s look was indicating "is [my partner’s name] alright? he looks otherwise". No he wasn’t alright – he was having a bad night at a get together put on for him. People had been asking me all night what was wrong with him. Though he didn’t see all the other things that went on, he only saw us (myself and his friend) glancing at each other a few times, and ever since has made up in his own mind that I was "making eyes" at his friend. He still to this day doesn’t believe me when I say I wasn’t, and tells me I’m lying blatantly to his face when I deny it. Its an ugly misperception that crops up now and then. But I guess we just have to agree to disagree. I never actually like the friend in question much anyway, but that doesn’t seem to matter does it.

I never lie about things normally. not things that matter or are important. If I do its just to avoid the usual tactless comment perhaps when people ask questions where the answers could hurt them – "Am I too fat?" etc. I believe since we all have different perceptions, what is right for one may not be for another. We see different truths. Doesn’t make them either right or wrong necessarily, but I think in a relationship there has to be a meeting of the two at some point. It’s these differences of perception that began my partners lack of trust in me after all.
written by Alias, 20 June, 2007
PART TWO:

But who am I to decide what truth to tell or mask – even if I think I am protecting someone? I guess depending on your values and your partners values how much telling even small lies are an issue. In my heart I have always prided myself on my honesty (though I guess I could do some work in that area if I felt the need to embellish the truth on a matter so trivial) and loyalty and the like. I now see how it can affect others though. My partner doesn’t feel secure within our relationship, and I can see why.

I disagree with why he has been led to think these things of me, as I would never cheat on him and have no interest in it, and I know in my own heart how truthful I am. To have been accused wrongly of doing things in the past, gets me upset and angry inside, which I guess is part of why I got defensive and said things to protect myself from being wrongly accused. This terrible habit in, fact makes me look like I am covering something up out of guilt – even though this is not what prompts it in the first place. I am so scared of being accused of crap again, sick of having to be made to feel like I have done something when I haven’t smilies/angry.gif, so I avert the problem by a little white lie.

This does nothing to make the partner feel any more as if they can believe in you. If there is dishonesty then what basis for a good relationship is there unless your partner is of the same fibbing ilk? not much. It also can make your partner feel less secure about themselves, if they think that you cant even talk with them openly they start to question what it is you truly think of them. Don’t you believe in them? Or do you think they are scary?

As hard as it is, the truth is always the best option. If it backfires, at least you know in your heart you were true to yourself and were doing the best to be open and honest. And no one can take that away from you.

I praise the few who wish to start being honest. The world needs more honest people. at least you can be honest with yourself about this too. Some people aren’t. My advice to you is to bite the bullet. The longer you leave it the worse outcome it could have. Just be honest. Lay it on the line. you will be surprised at how much easier and lighter you will feel. The burden lifts. You will be a much better person because of it. If they love you they should understand. Let them know how guilty you feel, and that you are honest in other areas, and WHY you did it. Don’t leave it open ended else they might question your honesty in other areas. Resolve to be honest and open now and in the future. Explain how you love your partner so much that you felt it the right thing to do – tell them the truth. Maybe Pseudonym, you could explain why you broke it off the first time round. That you do want a future but you want one based on honesty and openness.

I think that no matter how protective we think we are trying to be, it’s best not to sugar-coat the truth. It is better to let people, who we love especially, know the truth and then let them decide. I have resolved to do this myself and we’ll see how it goes from there. And if all else fails, I will be devastated, but at least I know I did my best, and that is all I can do.

You have to be more self-aware I guess if you are going to separate your own truth from lies. You probably gotta be really harsh with yourself and resolve to be brutally honest with yourself – stopping yourself when you KNOW you are not.

Lying is a bad answer to the truth.

written by none, 20 September, 2007
Hello I have never done anything like commented on something like this before. I am 28 and finally am in a great relationship were I am so happy, but I find myself lying about little worthless things. My girlfriend has gotten to the point of being very upset when she catches me in a lie. I don’t mean anything buy it and they are harmless. It just comes out and I know it is wrong. Any ideas I don’t like feeling like this at all and it is not fair for her to deal with either.
written by caged, 13 January, 2008
My world came crumbling down on me a few days ago. I have been a compulsive liar all my life; creating a whole new persona for myself, educational successes, living a lie. I hated it, and would hate myself every time I heard myself doing it, but it was force of habit. My daughter uncovered my web and exposed it. While I feel a huge weight is lifted from me, and I have been forced back into reality, I have lost the trust and any relationship with my daughter. My lies have caused me to lose everything that is important to me in my life.

But then what do you do, where do you go? I have been reading what people go through living with a compulsive liar and while I do feel for every one of them, the CL is thought of as worse than a leper. We could go into therapy, address the problem, but then what? Nobody trusts us anymore, so we sink back into the fantasy world that gives us comfort. The world where we feel loved, cared for. The world where we are popular, clever and witty. Reality sucks for us.
written by mathilda, 22 January, 2008
I am married to a compulsive liar – he lies from small to large. It has been a 10 year relationship and really for the last 2-3 years it is just constant. We have an 8 year old son who is wonderful.

My husband is kind but drinks on the sly, and lies about it. In fact there is not one thing he can tell me that I will not question. I have gone so far as to basically lower every expectation I had of him as long as he stops lying to me. But he does not.

There are deeper issues within him that I know of; depression, little or no sex drive, poor self image – he has been to therapy but will stop and lie telling me he is still going. He was on medication 2 times but would stop and lie, telling me he is taking it.

Now he may lose his job of 10 years because he is lying and screwing up there all the time. He also decided that drinking would be acceptable in the middle of work yesterday as well as after, and lied that he was simply tired. He hides things, bills, vodka bottles under beds in duffel bags.

My son loves him, I feel so badly for him, he must be so lonely, but I feel I have done all I can. Any Advice or Comments are Very Welcome.
written by Peter Nowak, 13 April, 2008
I have too many lies hidden within to deny that this isn’t an awesome sight would yet again be a lie. So thanks! smilies/cool.gif
written by Ken,, 12 June, 2008
I think that everyone on here has a similar story, and would like an answer. Maybe there is no simple answer but someone have some hope!!! I have a similar story to everyone on here, and am just realizing I am a compulsive liar (it sucks). I do not like it. I have had high expectations in my life, and lie to make sure I can please people. Why do we all feel like we have to please people???!!! We don’t! It is time that we all be a part of something. It’s called healing. I fricken tired of being defensive, of hurting the ones I love. I challenge everyone of us to look at ourselves in the mirror and find something worth being honest for. We all deserve better. Lets stop doing this to ourselves, live the life that we deserve to live. We were not made liars but became liars, and we will all undo what has been done.
Peace and love all,
Ken Stead
written by AM, 17 August, 2008
I am a compulsive liar, I know it is wrong , but I can’t help it. Esp with my ex- we tried to stay friends but every time I lie to him he calls me on it and I back peddle. He said he wants nothing to do with me because he can’t trust me. Not that I blame him, I don’t get why I can’t be honest with him. I don’t know what to do, I don’t want to be this way.
written by Possible help!, 07 October, 2008
It’s really surprising to hear such great confessions and see how so many people want to be better and stop lying. I use to lye years ago because of my hard life and my past – I use to try and make it sound better. But what I learned is that it’s not about who you were or where you came from, it’s who you are now. It’s only history and history needs to be told whether good or bad.

Now for the others that lie about larger things, I’m not sure if this tactic will work but I was at the point where I had to do something so if you are desperate, I would try it.

This is what helped me to stop lying...everytime I told a lie, I wrote it down in the evening in my journal while in the bed. I asked myself what other comments or conversation could I have made to not tell the lie and then I practiced it. I then wrote a question as to why I told the lie and how it made me feel. I went even further and asked myself why did I have to feel that way. Once I came up with the answer, I found that (like in most cases mentioned) I wanted to seem more than I was. So I stood in the mirror and told myself...this is who I am...I accepted myself (daily). Once I did that consistently (it took a few months) it no longer mattered to me what others felt about me. So you see, a lot of my lies came from self disappointment. I had gotten married, never fulfilled my dreams and I needed to feel successful so to build up myself. I took classes and volunteered holding babies; I found something that made me feel good about myself; I gave back to where when I did brag, it was the truth. This is what I recommend. It may not help everybody but I’m sure it will help someone.

Don’t give up!
written by Kelvin N, 28 October, 2008
It’s my 45th birthday today & I was told by my wife that I’m a CL. And I agree with her. I have the tendency to lie just to save myself ... self-preservation as my wife calls it. My lies are to cover up my shortcomings .... mainly re financial matters. I guess I didn’t want my wife to think I’m a flop. I NEVER & will never cheat on my wife ... I care for her too much & I’m afraid of the consequences. Do I really need professional help?
written by HKelly, 19 February, 2009
I need advice. Until recently I was a compulsive drinker, and I lied to my husband often about how much I had been drinking. I hit rock bottom a few days ago, and am now in treatment to stay sober but I don’t know how to repair our relationship and rebuild trust, as I don’t want him to think I am lying to him anymore.
written by How do I tell him?, 10 March, 2009
I have got myself into such a bad situation lying....and I went online searching for advice, anything, to figure out what to do.

I have lied about my past just like many people on this site have. I made up elaborate stories about my education, my family background, my nationality.

I have lied for 2 years to a man I love very much--and because he trusts me, he has not idea. Yet.

The problem is, we have a baby together and he wants to get married. I know now that these lies were so wrong and they have clearly caught up with me. I can’t marry him without him finding out, not that I would want to. I am tired. I want him to know me, without all these stories. He may know the day-to-day me, and know all the little things that make up my personality, but those big lies about my past are always present. I hate it. I wish I could go back and not say them all.

Now I am so afraid that I will lose him. Of course I will, right? How can I not? I am going to tell him everything--I don’t know why I even lied in the first place. I suppose just to make myself seem....better somehow. More interesting. Is it possible for someone to forgive this? I have gone to counseling now, and begun working through things. Is it possible he might forgive all these lies if I am working hard to improve myself, to change myself?

How should I even begin to bring something like this up?

written by archer0100, 23 March, 2009
Here is my story. Feb 2008, I met a wonderful person. She asked me if I was married. I said no. She asked me 2 more times, if I was married. All those times, I said NO. At the time, I was flirting with her, no big deal. As the months grew on, we found that we both wanted and ended up saying that we loved each other. Then, this past Jan, I had my out with my wife, she was caught having an affair. My wife had suspicions, but nothing more. I thought it best at that moment to tell her I was still married. She seemed lost at first. Then we made an attempt to move forward. We spent all our free time with one another. Until, I had to explain to her father/brother what had happened. She knew I had to lie, but that seemed to be too much. Three days later, she said that she needed me to leave and not see her anymore. I have begged and tried to show her that the lies I told were able to be overcome.
written by darkangel76, 19 May, 2009
my man just ended our relationship because I lied, I don’t think I did lie, I put my friend on my cell phone plan(she is female) and I didn’t tell him about it because I didn’t think that it was any of his concern since it was my plan, I pay for it and it was a deal that was made between myself and my friend, I respect his privacy and I am open with anything that concerns him. So my question is, am I a liar? was he wrong to end our relationship, Or was he just looking for a way out? Please help, I am so confused right now...
written by Tami Wilson, 09 June, 2009
I need help from anyone out there that could give me some direction. I have been married to a pastor for 27 years and left 1 year ago to gain back what self respect I had left. I lied for years for him about women and money to our leadership of the church. Im strong enough now to come up against him now and see that he is taken out of that pulpit. There are some really good people in the church that he has deceived for years. If someone could tell me what steps to take I would appreciate it.
written by lying too much, 06 July, 2009
I have the same problem. Life did not turn out the way I expected. I did everything I was supposed to do, pleased my parents in every way, worked hard and then met a man who tortured me psychologically for years. After complete financial and emotional devastation and two children later, I could not come to terms with the outcome. At the beginning of the marriage is when I started lying. I wanted to paint this grand picture that I married the perfect man. Well, over ten years later I am still lying. I tell people we are still together because I feel that others are repelled by divorced women and single moms. I tell some the truth and lie to others in a small community which is so completely stupid because everyone somehow knows everyone and eventually become confused once I am the topic. I do not even know how to fix it by now. One lie leads to another stupid senseless lie and i’ve become consumed by self hate as a result of my heinous actions. I would like to tell the truth to everyone and not care how they see me, but I feel, that once people know who I really am, they would not like me and I would end up completely alone.
written by dwp, 17 August, 2009
I too have a problem with compulsive lying. It started when I was a young child. I had a fertile imagination and it seemed all right to do, because it made everybody feel better. It was good back then because I had many friends and people looked up to me.

But then I met the woman who becamse my wife. She valued honesty and I did my best to try and be true to her. I have not cheated on her. I have been faithful but someowhere along the way, I decided I wasn’t good enough for her. I also decided I wasn’t good enough for my friends. I made up lies to make friends, I lied to my wife about my financial situation.

I think whats get me most is the arrogance that comes with lying. Somewhere along the way, I did something stupid that cost alot of money. I took out many cards in my name and when that thing failed, I spent years lying to her because I didn’t want her to think I failed or how badly I screwed up

Now years later, the scope of the lie is finally coming out. She knows the whole truth but most of all she knows that nothing I say can be trusted. She wants me to leave and I cannot blame her. I guess the only thing that I can really say is that I think I leanred something. Lying doesn’t build you up nearly as much as a hard truth. I hope I live to see that realization come true
written by Shelly Jane, 14 September, 2009
I can understand everything on this site. Until 4 years ago I was the most honest straight forward person ever. I simply didn’t feel the need to lie or to keep secrets – i had no secrets to keep. Then after years of living with a liar who screwed me up emotionally I met a man at work and the lies began. I lied to my partner to keep the affair secret. I lied to my lover about my intentions for the future as I didn’t want to lose him. He was racist and I lied about my own views and my own background just to keep in with him...Finally it ended and the lies also ended – but then we got the chance to get together again and it all started all over only worse because this time he thinks I’m single and he is single and he wants to make a go of it and make it work yet how can I? I am still with my partner though he chose to go and live abroad without me. I still haven’t come clean about my background for fear of his reaction although now he is much less extreme – he has moved on and tries to stay away from people he used to associate with. He knows my views now and thinks that is the only reason I can’t commit but of course its not that easy. He loves me and I love being loved by him yet he doesn’t even know the real me – only the me he sees day to day – which is partly real but based in unreality to an extent I no longer know who I am. Probably the kindest, fairest and only thing to do is to call this a day and accept that I may have lost out on the chance of true love because I was unable to be honest. But it is a vicious circle as I don’t want to hurt him just because of my own dishonesty. It is such a hopeless web and I am so tired and disappointed in myself. I want to just come clean and tell him everything but know that would only be saving my own conscience and would destroy him and his trust in women. I have no right to do that, but see no way out as when I try to end it he doesn’t understand why because of course I am having to make up a reason that isn’t even real. Hate myself. Have destroyed my own life as well as his.
written by Nadine D., 18 October, 2009
I am reading this site trying to understand my 22 year old daughters HUGH and bizarre lie.

We has not met this guy she was dating, they ended up moving in together. We had multiple family events-over the six months she had known him, she always showed up alone with a reason he could not come. They live an hour away. In July she came to tell me she was pregnant. I was happy for her- still had not met boyfriend. They had moved in together, etc. They had planned prior to her being pregnant to go to Hawaii to attend his friends wedding- she called and we talked multiple times while they were in Hawaii. One day she called & stated they were getting married on beach & would we pay for wedding. I told her no- since I had not met him. Of course- I did pay for wedding, believing we would meet him upon return.

Once the were back- I requested we all have dinner. She had a reason they could not do this- due to (I now know)was an elaborate lie he had been sent to a job site for upto a year in Southern California.

I then used internet for phone numbers & placed a call to his work & let a message for him to call me, and another message to his mom whom lives in a small town in another state. She called me back- and once we established who we both were- she asked "your not dead?"- WOW what a blow! I then went to daughters apartment, she ended up running out, this was not her usual behavior. A few days later I tried again, this time catching him & her as they were walking out of apartment, he told me to stay away from his wife- and he called the police! Again- she has a large family that loves her- so this is a shock- to say the least.
I have sent a certified letter to his work- that states the truth. I have a feeling he will continue to believe her lies. Prior to me sending letter, my husband & I met with her, she stated she told this guy this lie at beginning of relationship, and did not know why.

I do not know what else I can do. I feel I have lost my daughter. I doubt their marriage can last- but in the mean time- it is devastating.
written by Big Screw Up, 27 October, 2009
I just realized that I, too, am a compulsive liar. I have been lying since college to cover up my insecurities and failures. I have been suicidal for fear of my husband finding out my lies. For this won’t be the first time that he will find them out, and I know this time it will be the deal breaker. We own a business together that I run. When we started this endeavor 3 1/2 years ago, I was very much against it. I have a huge fear of failure and knew that I would fail at this. The store stays on track, but continues to lose money. I keep painting a rosy picture for him to avoid the fallout. Unfortunately, it is taking a very large emotional toil on me. I keep thinking that I can fix this, but I just keep digging a deeper and deeper hole. I keep up the lies to keep up appearances b/c I just can’t deal with the thought of failing him yet again. We have been married 7 years and I know that all that is holding this together is our 3 1/2 year old daughter. It devastates me to know that I have failed her. I know sooner or later I am going to have to face the music with him and it is going to get ugly. I tell myself that I tell the lies to protect him, when I know I am only telling them to protect myself. The depression from the circumstances is only intensifying the lying. I want to believe that I can fix this but I am, losing faith.
written by at the end of my rope, 21 November, 2009
I am a 32 year mother of 4 married for 7 years. I have lied to my husband in the past about money and just recently did it again. I dont know why I do it. Part of it is he hates his job and goes through these spells of depression and I carry the burden of our family. When money is tight I am the one that makes sure things are taken care of and that he can do what he wants. I have a hard time telling him no we dont have the money so I sell things on craigslist or whatnot to get the money. I only lie to him when I goof up and I know it is dumb but I am so afraid of what his state of mind will be. I deal with all the daily things from taking care of the kids, the house, the bills, and I go to school full time. He only works and has fun. I am burnt out and there are times that I forget to put something in the checkbook and I admit that I was wrong. But when he asked me about the account I instantly lied even though I did not want to. His big thing is honesty, even though he is not always honest with me and barely talks about his feelings. I hate this feeling of hatred that radiates from him and he wont even talk or consider that 1) we need help and 2) that he has a problem with depression. I have never been a depressed person but have been a lot lately. I stress all the time about making sure there is gas in the car and food in the house. We dont live beyond our means but one thing that caused a big riff is that he decided he wanted to go to the SEC championship game and it did not matter if we went into huge debt. I have worked so hard to keep up out of debt that I worked some magic and managed to outright purchase the tickets. He does not understand what a hard job it is and there was one time in our marriage that he did the bills and things were terrible. I know I should not have lied to him and I dont want to ruin my marriage but how? I am thinking of finding a counselor this week to go see, but am scared since it will be another expense we cannot afford right now. I know I need to learn to tell him no about things( like buying a boat, going out all the time-him not me, and big trips) but when I do I just get a guilt trip about how his job sucks and he does it for our family and deserves to have something for him. I guess I have problems on more than one level, but the main thing I would like advice on is how to overcome the lying to protect him. (or so I think) We have a great marriage other than these little bumps that have happened 4 times in our marriage. I want to change and make this right because I dont think I could live my life without him. Please help.
written by pathologicalreformer, 02 January, 2010
Your lies have created an alternate world for you. Where you are more attractive, richer, more colorful and much more intelligent than you feel you really are.
The truth about you is much more interesting than you know and not as bad as your low self esteem dictates.
Write down the truth about everything you are insecure enough to lie about..read it and recite it. Tell it to a stranger. Find out that if nothing else you are capable of telling the truth without embellishment and people are still interested or at least polite.
You do not have to be the best at everything. You do not have to be the most important. You do not have to be the best looking. All of the pressures that you are putting on yourself by lying are unrealistic.
Love yourself enough to understand that in life the only things you leave behind are the memories of the people who love you and trust you.
written by Alberto, 14 January, 2010
hello,

I am new here. I have compulsively lied to my girlfriend of a year and a half. I have just totally destroyed it and now I find myself trying to get it back. It took all my BS for it to come down to this. We have a beautiful daughter together that I absolutely adore.

The lying started from jump. Things started coming out one by one. And then some. My ex girlfriend showed up to my door step after a year because I was still staying with her when I got with my (was) current lady. I was still talking to her about something that she took from me and I admit the conversations were not always about the car she stole from me.

It was my only car so I tried on my own to get it back. This lady was 20YEARS older than me. Then when that happened when I was given the chance to come clean I still lied and for a while, until it just came out one evening. Granted I feel better but at what expense, to something that didn’t have to be. People can better deal with things when they know up front.

Then lastly when she is thinking that we have our first child together I tell her 5 months after our daughter is born that I have another child. All of this stem from my past relationship. Even though it is too late for regrets, I find myself hurt beyond belief because I have hurt someone that I truly care and love. She means the world to me and I damaged this relationship with deception.

I feel better that everything is in the open but now I find myself empty and lonely because I hurt the one person that I know GOD sent me who loved and cared and supported me ALL THE TIME. To people who lie it is not WORTH IT. YOU WILL LOOSE EVERYTHING IN THE END.

I would do ANYTHING FOR ANOTHER OPPORTUNITY WITH HER, BUT SHE DOESN’T THINK I AM READY.

I don’t want another relationship or anything I just want her. I cry inside all the time and when I see her crying my GOD it hurts me inside. She is such a beautiful woman inside and out. She gave me everything and now she wants me to pack it up and leave. I don’t blame her. She has the right not to be treated the way that I did.

DON’T LIE PEOPLE. GET HELP.......!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

QUICKLY.........

I lost the one person I was supposed to be with...

Think twice before you tell your next lie.............
written by withheld, 15 January, 2010
I have lied and it may well have cost me the most beautiful woman in the whole world....the love of my life. I met her 9 months ago, and when we met she asked if I was married – I said No when in fact I am. My marriage has been wrong for a long time and I want/ wanted to end it but at the right moment to cause least harm to my family. However, the love of my life looms large and I have to lie about my marriage otherwise I will never see this person again (we live in different countrys and the chances of meeting again were pretty slim). My intention was to tell all when I had divorced my wife and see if we could move on from there – but she found out before I had the chance. She is devastated, we are so much in love but I have hurt her so deeply with this huge lie, I hope there is some coming back from this but I really fear that she can just never accept me and my lie back into her life. I have just destroyed the one person in this world that I can ever love – I am dirt....I will never ever get over this....I don’t seek sympathy – just please never lie this harrowing tale should be enough to ensure you don’t – If you knew how bad I feel right now you would know the short term gain is certainly not worth the long term pain....
written by Confused, hurt and laking belief in myself, 23 April, 2010
I still to this day have trouble understanding why people lie.

I was married at 22 to a girl I met at 16. The first time she was unfaithful to me was just before our wedding with my best friend. I was silly enough to go through with the wedding and forgiving both the transgressors. The friendship ended when his new girlfriend demanded the end of the friendship and created lies to ensure it’s end.

During my marriage, my wife would tell people lies about me to make her look like a victim. She told lies to me about abuse suffered as a child perpetrated by her parents. She would put me down and treat me different in front of others. Needless to say the marriage ended at the age of 34 when she left me for an old school friend. She continues to lie with now three cases of phantom cancer and about her income, affecting my maintenance payments despite the fact I have full-time custody of my oldest son and part-time of my youngest.

Since being single, I have dated many ladies. I have had three relationships of sorts and have just started a fourth. The first lady I had a relationship with developed manipulative behaviour and tried to make me choose between her and my children. It lasted 5 months.

The second lady was the only honest relationship I have had. She was only interested in sex and in the end this played with my head. I really dislike sex for sex’s sake.

The third ended in February. I adored this women, however there where small lies in the beginning, such as telling me she was divorced when she was only separated. She told friends that "I was some crazy guy who thinks every women he knows wants to date him." I watched her lie to her parents and she broke her word to me on numerous occasions.This same women told me many times she loved me, had never felt this way before and how important I was to her.

My fear now that I am entering another relationship is not whether this lady is a liar or not, but that my past experiences will cloud my judgment. I have entirely lost my confidence in my judgment in who I allow to come into my heart. I have also lost belief in my past relationships ever really meant anything. I know what they meant to me, but how do I tell what was true or not? I really want it to work out with this new lady, but how do I protect myself while giving love at the same time?
written by MS.S, 20 October, 2010
I LIED TO MY PARTNER OF 13YRS. JUST THREE YEARS AGO I CONFESSED THE THINGS I HAD DONE WITH IN OUR RELATIONSHIP. SOME OF THE THINGS I CONFESSED WERE ABOUT THINGS DONE WITH PEOPLE WHO WHERE CLOSE WITH MY FAMILY. SINCE THEN OUR RELATIONSHIP HAS BEEN ON A ROCKY ROAD. ALSO HE CONFESSED BUT IT SEEMS TO ME THAT HE FEELS LIKE IF I WOULD NOT HAVE CARRIED ON THE WAY I DID HE WOULD OT HAVE DID THE THINGS HE DID. HE CONTRADICTS HIMSELF ALOT AND AS BAD AS I WANT TO BE WITH HIM, OUT OF ALL THE WAYS I AM TRYING TO SHOW HIM. HE ALWAYS COMES UP WITH SOME NEGATIVE SIGHT ON IT. I MEAN I START DOING THINGS THAT I HAVE NEVER DONE IN OUR RELATIONSHIP AND HE TELLS ME I AM DOING THESE THINGS JUST BECAUSE. HE SAYS THAT I AM SETTLING FOR HIM AND I’VE JUST LEARNED TO ACCEPT WHAT HE HAS TO OFFER. IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO TO BUILD MY RELATIONSHIP BACK UP AND GET HIM TO SEE THE PERSON I WANT TO CHANGE INTO AND NOT THE PERSON I USE TO BE?smilies/cry.gif smilies/sad.gif
written by D.B., 18 May, 2011
I am on compulsive liar. I have lied to my now wife for a long time. From the littlest things to very big things. I recently have talked to a couple of women online and texting. I don’t want anything from them just to talk. I have known these two women for a long time. One I have known since I was 12 and the other one I have known since I was in high school.

I have only been talking with them. No intentions of cheating on my wife with them. I have said things to them that sounded like I would but in all reality I never would. I did this to her in the past, and she said if I did this again she would end it all. I know this all sounds bad. Trust me it is. I am now in the process of finding someone to speak to. I don’t wanna live this life anymore. I just want to be with my wife and no one else. I am afraid she is going to leave me. I don’t want this to happen. I love her too much. Please help me what can and should I do. I am 35 going on 36 and have been married almost 4 years tomorrow is my 4 year anniversary. I want to get out of this rut. I don’t want this to be over. But if it has to be I will let her go her way and leave it alone.
written by Pete the Auto Dealer., 15 October, 2011
I like lying because people don’t want to hear the truth. The only time I don’t lie is to people who I love and care about. Other people are fair game and I don’t see anything wrong with it. I didn’t start the game, I’m just copying what I have observed others doing to be successful. Human society itself is just one big series of lies built upon lies, but most of these lies serve a common good. Chaos would reign without methods of dishonesty to control most people. I’ve had people tell me I am a sociopath for saying this, but I disagree. Telling people what they want to hear instead of the boring or even harsh truth doesn’t make me a sociopath. It’s not my intention to hurt anyone, but people do sometimes get hurt and that’s true whether you get ahead of them based on truth or a lie. Why not give a few moments of feeling special before you take what they have for yourself?
written by i lie because i hate conflict., 28 November, 2011
all of my childhood, i have been desperate for my parent’s approval, so that’s why i began lying. my lies were more like omitting certain things, so they wouldn’t get angry. i think this stems from my parents being so strict. now i am 21 years old and in a relationship that i am hurting because i have been lying about my parents. i don’t tell my parents what my partner and i are doing because i don’t want them to disapprove, and i omit details when talking to each side so there is no conflict. only now i have been found out and i feel terrible for destroying trust. my partner doesn’t understand because of how accepting his family is- he doesn’t understand the need to lie to self preserve. i know i am going to stop lying to both sides, but i need to find a way to make things right now without making them both hate me and never trust me again. i feel terrible.
written by JL81, 13 December, 2011
My current but soon to be exwife found this site after I told my very last lie to her. I must admit...Ive read everyone’s comments and stories and it is a bit comforting to know Im not alone. For the very 1st time in my life...Im admitting I am a Compulsive Liar. Ive been beating myself up wondering how do I continue to hurt the person that means the most to me in the world...I love my wife to death...LITERALLY! I would give her my kidney, lung, bone marrow, heart, take a million bullets for her, save her from a burning building, dive to the deepest ocean depths... WHATEVER....but I cant stop lying to her about my substance abuse...she is the best thing that has ever happened to me.... no question, but I cant muster up the guts to tell her the truth. And like most of you, our relationship started with lies of accomplishments and conquered defeats that later came out and she accepted but...Ive been a liar my entire life, I came from a family of liars. I was learned how to lie from some of the best liars to ever walk the earth. I know I have a problem because I lie not only to my wife who means the world to me, but to my friends, co-workers, and even strangers....WHY...I know I am afraid to lose my wife but the dishonesty is why shes leaving me...this very day Im admitting to being a CL...never have I examined my life and lieing habit this way...I am losing what matters to me the most...MY FAMILY...my beautiful wife and incredible children. I am at a point where I want to seek help for my substance abuse and compulsive lieing...but its too late...she will never trust me again...as all this sinks in Im breaking down and crying right now as I type...I love my wife more than life itself and to know Ive hurt her continuously breaks me to peaces inside...I want to protect her from all the pains in the world but Im actually the one causing her pain...I feel worthless and want to jump off a cliff...I want to seek counseling for all my issues because even if its too late to save my marriage... I need to be better...we all do because i think that everyone that has posted a comment about their story has to have some good in them or else they wouldnt say anything because they wouldnt care...I know I have to change...my other half of 7 years has told me I need to move out...I feel like walking in front of a bus because I know its my fault and I know its wrong and nothing should be more important than her and my family and its not, but I have a problem...I need to kick the pot completely and stop lieing to her...Im at the point now where only God, counselor, and support group can help me...I absolutely adore my wife, she is the most beautiful person in this world to me inside and out, a true blessing from heaven, and I cant imagine life without her but it looks like Ive forced myself to live life that way---without her. To all those who read this, frequent this site, and believe in a higher being PLEEEEEAAASE pray for me as I surely will be praying for you and your situation....Good luck and be blessed to EVERYONE and I hope we all beat this addiction!
written by Nicole02, 13 January, 2012
Hi there I need some major help. I am 28 and married. have been married for 3 yrs and together for 6. Mother of 3. I have a big problem lying to my husband. about the guys I work with, who I have talked to. I was interested in this guy for awhile but since then that has faded. but told my husband he no longer works there so he wouldn’t come up or make me quit. I love my job but I also love my family. I have even created several Facebook accounts and had a cell phone to talk to him and a few others in the past. When my husband asks me the first reaction is to lie. Like its out of my mouth before I even get the chance to think about it. He has given me so many chances and I still continue to burn bridges with him. I think he is finally on his last straw and is ready to leave me. I just don’t know what else to do. we will start to do good and think it all just comes crashing down and I am back down to where I was before. He has no trust for me what so ever and it sucks big time. I don’t know how to stop. I need some major help before its to late, if it isn’t already.. HELP
written by atin, 23 January, 2012
I have been a liar since I was in grammar school due to extreme bullying and mental abuse. Its not any excuse to justify my behaviour. I coped in such a destructive way instead of handling it or talking to my parents about it. I am very ashamed that I lied to make people like me and stop bullying me because of my nationality. Even to my friends. Recently I have been realizing my friend who put me down for my nationality are not real friends at all and my real friend probably wouldn’t have cared. I’m trying everyday to tell the truth and slowly unravel my lies. They haunt me everyday there isn’t one day when I dont worry about my friend finding out about my over-exaggerated nationality. Other than that I pretty much got caught on all my stupid lies or people forget them. I have to constantly remind myself to tell the truth everyday and when I don’t it causes me a lot of anxiety especially when my friends who are pretty crafty liars themselves ask me to lie to their parent or other friends. I usually wind up telling the person the truth and lying to the liar because the person who is about to be lied to usually knows the truth before I say it. It seems like no one really tells the truth these days anyways but hopefully I cannot be a follower anymore and just be me. I encourage anyone who lies to just start telling the truth even if its something small people will respect you a lot more and trust you even if it hurts or seems embarrassing.
written by lonely girl, 09 February, 2012
i am a liar, I told the best person in the world that I have a clean history but after a time this lie make me crazy so I told him about the past, since I am the first girl for him, knowing that there were other men in my life destroyed him so i had to lie about that and omit some parts! now I talked to him again and this time he cannot trust me anymore and i don’t want to say another lie to cover up this painful issue. I don’t know what to do? is the past really as important as the present? we could have everything together, we trusted each other, during our relationship I show him the reality of myself. so what? i did some mistake in the past! are those mistakes and my attitude in the past have any right to mess with my feature? shouldn’t the past remain in the past?
written by MZ, 21 February, 2012
I am 23 years old and engaged to the love of my life (but might not be this time tomorrow). I desperately need help. I think she is going to leave me. I typed a huge explanation about the exact situation but realized that it doesn’t matter. I lied, and the specificity of those lies don’t change that they were wrong. I have lied about many aspects of my past, ranging from an ex-girlfriend to drug-use. She now knows the truth about all of those lies, and after having already given me a chance once, wants to leave me. I love my fiance with all of my heart. I lied to her because I thought the truth would hurt her, because I thought she would leave me, and because I was ashamed of my past. I couldn’t even face the truth myself – I made an alternate past for myself where the bad things weren’t as bad. I started to believe my own lies. I have never EVER thought about another woman since the day I met her, and have never even thought about touching drugs. I have never cheated on my fiance. I don’t speak to my ex-girlfriend (or any other women for that matter), and have cut contact with all of the people who were bad influences in my life. I know that my fiance is the love of my life. If she leaves me, I will be crushed, but will always wait for her because I truly believe her and I were meant to be together. I will never love anybody else. I try and have always tried to show her my love on a daily basis. She is my princess and has me wrapped around her finger. I always do everything to make sure she feels loved – whether is be affection, flowers, support, gifts, being thoughtful, etc. I can’t imagine my life without her. I always thought that the person who I am now with her would be enough to make her happy, but now I’ve ruined everything because I couldn’t give her the one thing she wanted – the truth. Now that she knows everything, is there some way I can regain her trust and show her that all of my lies were about the past, and that who I am with her now is who I will be for the rest of my life? I offered to go to counseling but I don’t know if she will even consider it. I love her unconditionally and can wait however many months or years it will take and however hard it will be. I would do anything for her. I just hope she won’t give up on me, even though I let her down and it’s what I deserve. Please, please, please, please help me. I don’t want to to be full of regret for the rest of my life for losing the best thing that ever happened to me.
written by Mitmit, 27 February, 2012
Hi, I have been in a seven and a half year relationship with i swear an angel. I used to lie everyday to drown the insecurities, the shame the burden I felt of being a failure. It became so serious to the point of little and big. I learned that without truly accepting whom you are deep down inside, through your trials, tribulations no matter what.. That hole you dug? Where you lie on your back staring up at the close ones you love staring down at you you will NEVER overcome your issue with telling a false word. Ive spent the last four years owning up to all of them. Regardless of the misery, tears, heartbreaks I decided enough was enough. I am an adult, I need to act like one. I may have a piece of advice that may help some of you, maybe not but it helps me. Imagine, for every lie you tell, every manipulative, tricking sentence you form, a life is taken. The only person to blame- you. You’re the executioner, you are the one who decides who gets the right to live, the right to sleep until kingdom come. I am positive that no one will agree with my statement, but I wish you all luck in your recovery, please find your inner strength to truly be who you are. Do not fight in smoke and mirrors but stand proud and trying to EARN what you have lost, or damaged. Even if it seems like the darkest day, there is still a small spark, to ignite the flame of hope that seemed forever lost.
written by cpcp, 14 March, 2012
Hi,
This problem may seem miniscule but i feel after reading some of these stories i can learn a lot and tell the truth and hopefully get some needed feedback. I am a 21 yr old university student and am now rolling into a 3 year long relationship that is pretty serious. Heres my problem thats eating me alive, my girlfriend thinks im already ill be graduated a lot sooner than i will be because i lied to her right off the start that i was accepted into a program and i wasnt. I have started to make progress with great grades that will get me in and graduated in a few more years, but she graduates this yeR and i love hef lots and i dont think she wil stay with me if i tell her. Also, sheknows ive struggled with finances and knows i had some credit card trouble but i told her its only 1200 when its really 5000 and has damaged my credit...her and her family think i am in a way better position than i really am and im trying to work as hard aa possible to fix my lies before this pyrimad comes crumbling down but its starting to kill me. Should i tell her? Are these major lies that could develop into bigger problems? Am i a bad boyfriend for this??
written by JustNeed2admit, 17 April, 2012
I’m a CL. I am a 22 year old student and I cannot stop lying to girls that I date, or that I am just friends with. I need help like everyone else. I hope we all find it.
written by NotTheManIUsedToBe,again., 10 May, 2012
About 6 months ago it came out between my wife and I that I had slept with a family friend.
I was very drunk, a rarity in my case because I rarely drink. The family friend had been a long time friend of mine through my wild teen years, and we maintained a friendship with attracted undertones for the duration of my marriage. In my night of drunken hopelessness that "friend" took advantage. The next morning I had been sucked into an abyss of hopelessness. I had slept with her but I pretended all was normal.

My wife and daughter came home from their night away and I continued to act normal, but I wasn’t and my wife knew it. About a month later I had been unreachable by phone to my wife. I had made an excuse that I had business to deal with. All the while my "cover up and lie" reflex had kicked in. I think that I believed that I can’t take away the first mess up, so I decided to mess up again.

A week went by and I had no communication with my "friend". I didn’t want it. With her aid, I had betrayed my family. I had broken trust and degraded myself.
My wife always seemed to be nagging at me. She had the suspicion that I was cheating on her and confronted me about it. I lied. I had never lied to her throughout our 5 year relationship. I made excuses about being stressed, and tired. I was beating myself up on the inside.

Another week had passed and we were out running errands as a family. I had left my phone in the car while I ran into the autoparts store.

In my phone I had a typed draft intended for the women that I had cheated on my wife with. My wife acting by the guidence of her female intuition had scrolled through my phone and found the drafted message.

In it I told her how rotten I felt, and that I wanted nothing more to do with her. What I had done was wrong. I didn’t want to ruin my family and that despite our past friendship we could no longer be in communications.

My wife read this. I would think that it was like getting a piano dropped on her chest. I came back to the car to see my wife with my phone open and reading. Her calmness frightened me. I could feel her tears falling like the piano was falling on my chest.
I knew there was no hiding anything else. But I did. I confessed to the night of drunkenness, proclaiming that I had been taken advantage of. Like that was a reason. I shouldn’t have put myself in the situation to begin with.
Anyway, we agreed to work at our marriage. I quit all extracurricular activities, redirected my focus solely on the family. I enrolled in school and picked up more hours at work, I even read book upon book about cheating, healthy communication, and lying. I was and am dedicated to my wife and daughter. I have to wake up and prove this everyday, not only to them, but to family and friends.

The second encounter caught up to me today. My wife had a nagging suspicion, again that there was more to our friendship. So she asked and I knew that lying was not a part of the man I am striving to be. So I told her the truth.
It is like her discovering the first lie all over again.

I feel horrible and fear that this will be the last straw. I pray that she can forgive me yet again for my lies. I have nothing else to hide from her. I will do anything to maintain our marriage and I feel like I have proven that over the last 6 months. She is very upset. I don’t know what to expect.

Since the initial discovery I have deleted my FB account, deleted all women’s phone numbers from my phone and have maintained open lines of communications with my wife.
written by :(, 09 June, 2012
I lied to my boyfriend. I was married for 20 years, had an affair and my marriage ended. I have been with my current boyfriend for 8 years now. It’s been up and down but things are good at times. I love the good times. live for the good times. He broke up with over a year ago. I seemed another relationship out. Then broke it off. I ended up getting back with my ex. But kept an emotional relationship with the guy. And lied about that. It all came tumbling down... And now I’m the biggest liar. Trust is gone. I’m a prisoner in my own home. Don’t go anywhere, see friends or family. For fear of him getting mad. He knows everything and every place I go. I feel I deserve this because I lied. But I’m beginning to feel like I can’t take this. I lied..... But how do you know when enough is enough???????
written by BUSTED!, 20 July, 2012
Okay I’m going to take a chance here and actually tell you a story and then you tell me what you think.

The situation. Young married couple, 15 year marriage, 4 children. He started off with white lies and has continued compulsively lying or hiding things from her on and off and i’ve just dealt with it. She justified her white lies because of his, both very wrong.

She wanted to pursue a career and time after time he did not support her as he said he would. So she lied about working for over 6 months, used money set aside for special savings about 4k, lied about how much tax money was received, she actually began to rationalize the guilt and then he finally realized something was up and then she was to afraid to tell. After allowing him to look for money, She told him she used it to compensate for her none income to make it look like she was making money with her side business. She had made some but not as much as he thought. All the special savings gone.

Now even though he is a liar too. She has to pay for it by not living her dream unless he approves what she does. There is no trust and don’t know what to do. Love is there but something is missing. What would you do to rebuild such a dysfunctional situation. Divorce is not an option.
written by sadoneinedmonton, 28 July, 2012
Well I cheated and lied to my bf’ of 11 years. We are not married but might as well be. When I first met him I was horrible cheated on him and lied to him constantly for over 5 years. Now I have been good I don’t cheat on him I don’t do anything like that but he still won’t trust me at all. I do a little white lie and he makes it out to be like I am cheating on him again, which I am not. He can’t seem to get over that. I also do have a odd job. I am a adult massage body rub girl so I do stuff with other guys at work. he said it was ok with him when I started doing it 9 years ago. We needed the money but now he says that I enjoy what I do, and I enjoy getting picked and being paid for it and so fourth and that he never gets the "GIRL I AM AT WORK" at home, the thing is I don’t want to be the girl I am at work at home, He thinks he is missing out on something and has joined a website to meet other girls on a emotional level and he thinks its ok to have coffee and have emotional relationships with these other girls. He has even gone so far as to bring them over to get me interested in them as I am bi so he can have 3 somes cause he thinks I do that ALL the time at work and I really don’t honestly I don’t cheat on him, and I don’t consider work cheating. But he does. So he expects me to live with the fact that he wants to sleep with other girls. and whenI say im not comfortable with that, my job is thrown back in my face and my lies from the past or any little white lie i do is thrown back in my face ..... and he says he doesnt trust me but loves me with every inch of his being. Its the most confusing relatinoship. We also have 4 kids together and my job PAYS FOR EVERYTHING as he doesnt work he stays at home with the kids. So if I quit were homeless if I don’t quit i have to live with all this guilt. Im so confused on how to fix this relationship. I just want to be happy and I want him happy. And it seems like thats an impossible thing to get with him.
written by Betrayed boyfriend, 16 September, 2012
Hi I am in a serious relationship ( so I had thought anyways) and have just found out my girlfriend has cheated on me twice in this year we have been together. Both were one time things and nothing sexual and were close together, in the same few weeks I think. This happened over six months ago and at the time I suspected her cheating but she swore to me up and down that she had never cheated. So today she breaks down and tells me it’s over because she’s sick of lying to me and can’t handle hurting me anymore. Now I love this girl a lot and we are good together so I went to her house while she was trying to break up with me and managed to convince her to stay with me while we talked this out. Was I wrong to do this? I mean I do really love her but I’m not sure I can forgive her. I guess it wouldn’t be so bad if she told me 6 months ago but 6 months of lies is a lot of pain to overcome. Any advise would be appreciated.
written by Grace08, 17 September, 2012
sadoneinedmonton,
Do you know The Gospel? Ever told a lie? Stolen? Misused God’s name? Had sexual desire for someone else?
Those are only 4 of God’s 10 Commandments, and we’ve all broken them. God has said that He will punish 1 of our sins with death (even a lie). We stand guilty, in court, Jesus walks in and says, "I paid that person’s fine" for the person who repents of their sins and believes in Him. Jesus took the death penalty so that we wouldn’t have to. It’s a legal transaction. He gets our bad rap sheet and we get His clean record. Do you have a Bible? Please open it, read it, and obey it. Go to church. Confess your sins. Let Jesus change your life. Your children need to see that in you. I will be praying for you. See great videos on The Way of the Master.
written by Aliar, 22 September, 2012
Hello, I am a compulsive liar as well. I have never discussed this issue with anyone, but somehow i feel comfortable talking about my situation here. It’s great how there are places where people can be open and discuss their problems out in the open comfortably.

My situation is that I have lied to my family about relationships i have gotten into throughout my high school years, and i have lied to several friends throughout college now. now that i look back, i don’t understand why i lied.
i started to lie a lot when i was in high school. i would lie to my mom often about where i was. i would pretend that i would be attending a meeting a school club, but really i would be spending time with my boyfriend at the time.(i don’t go out with him anymore, but i am using the term boyfriend so you can understand)
i would lie to my boyfriend too. i had a friend that he didn’t like; his name was Chris. I used to have an unbreakable love for Chris, and when i told my boyfriend, he would be extremely jealous of that. i never cheated on my boyfriend, but i did hang out with Chris often at times without him knowing. i would lie my boyfriend about where i was too, just to spend good time with Chris.
when i broke up with him, i was relieved, and a huge weight lifted off my shoulders because i didn’t have to lie anymore to hang out with him. however, i had a lying problem, and i didn’t admit it. ever.

i realized that my lying problem grew bigger during my senior year, when i told my mom about this HUGE LIE. i wanted to go on a senior trip, just like the rest of the seniors, because that’s what seniors do. my mom said no because it was an overnight stay. because i wanted to go on a senior trip, i told her that i would fail my classes if i didn’t go. but it was a lie, if i didn’t go, nothing would happen.
she found out eventually. my sister threatened to ask all my teachers if this was a true statement. i immediately told her it was a lie, because i didn’t want my teachers knowing that i lied to my mom, because i didn’t want to have a bad image in class.
in the end after i told my mom that big lie, she told me that she wished she never gave birth to me, because all my life she was the biggest supporter for me, and yet i told her a big lie. i told her that i would never lie again, but it never happened.

i lied some more in college. i lied to my friends on the volleyball team that i had to work with my dad, which was the reason why i couldn’t go to the games. i actually didn’t want to go to the games because i wasn’t close to the volleyball team members like i was now. but today, i told a good friend that one of my co-workers at my real job was stealing my money. it wasn’t true, but i guess i told the lie to make my co-worker look bad. i don’t even know why i told that lie. i wish i could take it back.

i feel that even though my lies aren’t as severe or as huge as everyone else’s lies on this page, we are still connected by this one big factor: we want help for what we’ve done to ourselves. many of us have turned ourselves into compulsive liars, and we are now taking the first step in reaching out and saying that we actually are. we’re liars, and we want to change into more honest people.

hey, whoever’s reading this, you got here somehow through saying that you wanted to stop lying. you’re not alone, because a lot of people have the same problem. we’re all human, we make mistakes, but the only way we can fix them is to learn from them.
the first time you make a mistake is okay, but the second time you make the same mistake is a choice.
written by Peter welsh, 30 September, 2012
Hi My wife is a compulsive liar and she has been for some time or most of the time in our relationship .
She owned up to a lie when she went on Holiday with her girlfriend , she told me her girlfriend was paying for it and i could not go we had previously talked of this holiday .
Previously she had said to me if you don`t take me my girlfriend wants me to go .
So she told me the truth on this trip just before she left .There was a lot of anger and fighting every time i brought the trip up and before she left we went on a holiday it was disgusting fighting and lying all the time six months of it.
She has been sorry for the lie but is not prepared to own the rest what can i do
written by Ricia, 18 November, 2012
To the author of the question. I would recommend first seeking the help of a counselor to find out what leads you to lie. Our past positive and negative experiences shape us into who we are, and the lies may come from feeling unworthy or insecure due to past events. Afraid of opening up maybe?

If you are willing to work on this, and keep an open dialogue with your husband, you can overcome this. There is nothing too far gone that cannot be forgiven or worked through. Never listen to anyone who tells you otherwise. I know, because I’m married to someone who does this very thing. Some days are better than others but I try to understand what is going on inside of him.

The fact that you are remorseful is a good thing, and will help your husband in his healing as well as yours. Do we deserve forgiveness if we lie, probably not...but forgiveness does not come because we deserve it, or out of deserving it, it comes out of love.

If we only did something because the other person deserved it, we’d never do anything nice for them at all...forgive, mercy, kindness, patience etc...these things are what makes marriages thrive and they come totally and solely from each partner and cannot be based on the worthiness of the other.
written by Dine..., 02 January, 2013
Well, I am going through all lot lately in my relationship because I feel like my boyfriend has been cheating after the person has told me everything personal about him,things that I should be the only one who knows about it...my family has don’t like what they heard and want me stop the relationship...
what should I do?
written by anonymous liar, 03 January, 2013
hey everybody i am also a compulsive liar and it has just cost me my relationship. just like you all i lied about previous achievements and the sort. particularly i’d lie about where i got her certain gifts in order to make them appear more interesting, like once i said i won her a teddy bear in a poker game when really i just found it when i was visiting my folks. this seems to be the trademark of the compulsive liar: lying when the truth would suffice. seems like we all do it to ‘appear more interesting.’

i didn’t need to lie but i did. it ate me up inside every time i saw her. she adored me but it’s the lies she loved. i couldn’t take it anymore and i told her i’d been lying. told her everything. i tallied all of them and i even made sure to mention what was actually true so she wouldn’t be confused... it didn’t seem to convince her much.

i begged and begged for hours that she’d take me back.. cried like a bitch too, but it was no use. as of right now she gave me a big fat maybe but i think it was just to shut me up. she really means a lot to me and i’d rather she come back but i need to be prepared for when she doesn’t. i can’t go through this again.

i’m gonna stop lying to everybody, end of story. it’s just not worth it. i’m a very effective liar and i never would have been caught but i knew... i always knew i had lied and whenever i saw her wearing something i got for her i would remember the lie i told and i would wish the gift were destroyed or lost or gone somehow. i felt CONSIDERABLE guilt for the lies i told even so far as believing that one day i would ‘make good’ on some of those lies and accomplish what i had already claimed i had done, otherwise the guilt was too much to bear.

no more, i’m finished lying. it probably won’t stop altogether immediately but i’m gonna tell every time i lie; whenever i tell a lie my next sentence is gonna be "that was a lie, i’m sorry." hopefully this will knock some sense into me.
written by C the Liar, 23 January, 2013
I lied to my boyfriend about my age. I am 30 but lie about that I was 26. I feel this lie becomes heavier and heavier. I really like this guy. Love, not just like. We might get married if there was no lie. He has trust issues from previous relationships. I am so scary, afraid to lose him if I tell him the truth. I need to tell him no matter what. But the question is how.
-Desperate Liar
written by C the Liar, 30 January, 2013
I told the truth. It is still within 24hr. Things seem to be calm. I don’t know/I am scared of what will happen. Really would like to start fresh. But the history will haunt forever. Is there a wonderland where all troubles melt away?
written by Robin R, 05 February, 2013
I’m about to confess to my lies today. I’m 17 and my boyfriend is 19 and we’ve been dating for two years, and I DONT WANT US TO END! It’s going to be hard, but I can’t do this anymore. I can’t keep lying. I know it will catch up with me if I do, and it’s just making me more depressed by the day.
I started lying right when we met. I told him I was born in London, and a whole entire back story about my dad who I said was incredibly rich and awesome, but he left me with my mom in America. The truth is that I met my dad only a few months before I met my boyfriend. I just wanted to seem exotic and interesting. But then I fell in love with him...and he’s hinted that he suspects my lies but he didn’t drag it out or make me feel bad. So I just kept adding to the stories. I told him stories about my sister, who I have never even met.

At one point in our relationship, we had to be long distance. It was hard. We even fought a little bit. I cheated on him in those months...three times. I had sex with a much older man and kissed two other boys. And then I had sex with another boy. All the while, I swore I would never cheat on him. It’s gonna hurt him so bad smilies/sad.gif

I started lying when my stepdad took advantage of me when I was 8 and told me that I had to lie to my mom. I eventually told her and he’s in prison now, but I’m pretty sure that’s what caused my compulsive lying. I lie all the time...to the people I care about the most. It’s eating away at me, and I can’t stand it anymore.

Looking into my baby’s eyes and knowing that he trusts me even though I don’t deserve it at all makes me sick to my stomach. I’m so sorry. I love him more than I could ever love anyone. I wouldn’t blame him if he wants to break up with me and never see me again, honestly. he gave up living in the town where he grew up with all his friends for me. He’s my best friend and I have let him down so hard. I hope he can trust again after this...

written by Lolita, 21 February, 2013
I feel horrible for lying to my husband. I lost something because of my negligence and blamed it on family members my family realised later that I lied and now there are lot of misunderstandings and distance with in all of us. I have never done some thing like this before where i get someone-else into trouble. My husband is extremely upset with me what should I do?
written by Jessica bittner, 28 February, 2013
Hey I’m a liar to . My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 months and I lied almost ever since I met him . He finds out all the time . It’s really hard to tell the truth because I don’t know how . It’s difficult . He makes it harder and harder . smilies/sad.gif
written by BriBri77, 12 March, 2013
hey everyone. I could really use some advice. I’m really not a bad person... But for the past 3 years I’ve been lying about really terrible things to one person. It’s all for the attention honestly I know that. But I truly care about this person... I would trade the safe life I’m living now, for the terrible one I lied about, to be with him. It’s getting way to serious and I’m so lost in all the lies I created. I know I’m hurting this person so badly and I want to just end it, but it’s not that simple. Please help.
written by Lying guy, 18 March, 2013
I have lied to my girlfriend for 18 months. I lied to her about working with women. I told her there was no women. I have had an emotional affair with a coworker at the beginning of the relationship. I have lied to her about other coworker after that. If there is an attractive women that I work with I will not say it. But she always knows when I lie. She say because I lied to her about those women I have made them more important than her. I have not had a relationship with them. But I did wanted to pursue one of them before we got together. I just lied to her again recently about another co- worker. I’m trying to figure out why I do it. I’m sick of lying to her. I want to resolve this with her but don’t know where to start. Help I do care about her and want to be with her.

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