Past Comments – Why does my boyfriend feel the need to lie

been there, still there
written by Guest, 21 June, 2006

Run--as fast as you can--away from this loser. I have been with a cl for over 38 yrs. My life is hell-never, ever do I know what to believe. And when I discovered yet another affair, more lies. I’m trying to get stronger so I can leave, but am so ground down, I don’t know if I can.

oh my!!!
written by Guest, 13 July, 2006

I met this guy and we started dating. I feel like an idiot because I should have seen all the signs in the beginning. Now I live with him. I love him dearly. He has treated me with more respect and affection than you can ever even imagine. Slowly I have found out the truth about him and still not so certain if the "truth" is the truth. I have never dealt with a situation like this in my life. I have heard of people going through it and never imagined myself in such a situation. Mostly I am beyond embarrassed of the situation. Which brings me to why I don’t talk to my family about him for the sole fact that about 98% of the things I told them about him were false. I lied to them and didn’t realize it until later. Now I have to deal with that situation. I have an extremely judgmental family. The craziest thing about it all is that I am signed up for college here in the fall and it actually goes through my mind to stick it out until my classes are over in the spring and I can leave him. I feel almost like I am waisting a part of my life because I am so uncertain that I can ever trust him with anything. It’s a web... a complete mess!!! I don’t know how the heck I got so lucky to have to deal with this situation (sarcasm). He has admitted to lies, but I honestly think he lies to cover up the lies. Right now I am living under circumstances that don’t fit me... never have and it’s uncomfortable. He is so elaborate with his stories. It’s insane. When I call him up on it, he walks away and gets so angry... then coming back to me apologizing for lying and saying he wants to start over with a clean slate... and then professes his deep love for me. I love him so very much, but when do you call it quits. I don’t have anyone to turn to. I am living hours from home and had to leave home after a divorce because my family became so controlling of my life and trying to make all decisions about my life for me. What do you do when you feel like you have no one you can turn to? I don’t even know anyone here at the moment. This is so insane! I do know that he has ADHD and depression. Is this a factor to all of this? He has a counselor. Should I attempt to speak to his counselor without him knowing it. I have met him and my boyfriend has given his counselor permission to speak with me. Do you think he is really trying to make right? This is the most confusing, uncomfortable thing I have ever had to deal with in my life... without a doubt.

Can relate
written by Guest, 13 July, 2006

I’ve just read your post. I have just discovered my boyfriend of 8 months has been telling me whoppers – it’s not the main lies, it’s all the little ones that went with it over the months, crying over a man he claimed to be his famous father on tv, and sooo much. I feel really silly – but am trying to stick by him and let him know he didn’t need to do it – I always loved him for just being him. The trouble now is I am wondering what else he has lie about, and if a future is always going to be one of my constant guessing about him being honest. He says he recognizes his problem and has been doing it all his life, and is now seeking counseling. Trouble is I don’t know if he’s just saying it to keep me happy, or whether he’s lying (!) All I know is that I feel cheated because I was always honest and open. Which was something he felt was so important – the number of hours he questioned me over things!
It’s funny, I read your story and it sounds like him – treats me so well in many ways. I think you must feel like I do – that he can’t really think much of you? let alone respect you?
Thanks for posting, was good to relate.
D

Can Relate
written by Guest, 15 July, 2006

Dearest, I so totally understand what you are going through. Tears are streaming down my face for the both of us. Be thankful that you found out before you walked down the isle with him. I dated for 2.5 years to this most wonderful, most respectful guy. He treated me like a lady. We got married 6 months ago. 3 days later he had to go on g’vt business for 4 months, so technically we have only been living together for 2 months. We will be moving for annulment because of all the lies. He lies about every little thing. He never cease to profess his undying love etc. He is great with words. He is involved with so many other respectful women. I recently got a letter that he wrote to someone while away. It was the exact romantic letter he wrote to me, his wife. He loves to tell women that he has a certain chemical imbalance towards them... how they have impacted his life.. Lies upon lies. Now he says he has a sex addiction problem, however "it is under control." C-liars are usually bipolar. They try to make it seem as though you are the crazy one, that you are hallucinating. DON’T fall into this trap! Since they are so great with rhetoric, you may begin to second guess yourself. Be very careful. To this moment I just can’t believe it is happening to me. MY life feels like a soap opera. Never a dull moment. And like you, I cannot turn to any family members. My family has been online.. This is where I get comfort. Two nights ago my husband walked me home from campus at about 11.30pm. He had just finished work and did not get the chance to ran and use a classroom for his sexual pleasures (he sleeps with other students on campus). It was the night of thunderstorms, etc. As soon as he made sure I was home safe he said that he had to go back on campus to his locker for a shoe-lace... I will stop there. Again, be thankful that you recognized the problem early. Get out. IF he will not go to counseling or seek professional help get out. Since cl do not consider themselves as cl, our case in convincing them is almost helpless. I wish you well. Take care.

This is me.
written by Guest, 20 July, 2006

I found out yesterday my boyfriend of 4 months, who supposedly "loves me more than any woman he’s ever loved" is a compulsive liar. I found out through his parents, who have known this about him since he was little. He lies about everything, from going to college, to have lots of money, to getting job offers. EVERYTHING. I’m the only one who FINALLY convinced his parents how serious it is. I don’t know what to do. I love him more than anything. Not for the lies, but I KNOW HIS HEART. I do. Call me crazy, but I know he truly loves me. Everyone’s telling me to run. How do you run? Somebody tell me how to run away from someone I love so much???? In two weeks, he’s moving to FL and we live in IL. I was originally going to go with him, until I found out about all the lies. He’s running. We’ve caught him and he’s running to escape it. He always says our relationship is DRAMA, but it’s because he cannot tell the truth about anything!!! Deep down, I still trust the fun-loving, romantic, sweet guy who I fell in love with. I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. I feel so powerless and worthless. Now, why would I want to be with someone who makes me feel that way? I don’t know. I can’t answer those questions. Last night, after his parents confronted him about the lies, it was my turn. I had already passes the anger stage, and now I’m just sad. He admitted everything, and told me that even his first love never compared to the love we had. I held him, and we both cried. Part of him wants to go to FL, part of him wants to stay. I know that it has to be over. I just don’t know HOW.

is my ex a compulsive liar
written by Guest, 24 July, 2006

I got dumped a month ago by my girlfriend. We were together for 9 months and I was totally committed to her. I got to a stage where I accepted my loss. I got a bit drunk the other night and realized that i am still struggling to deal with it. Anyway, I ended up checking her emails as I knew how to access them. What I discovered became a complete shock. I read emails to the undeniable effect that she was going out with another guy for the last 6 months of our relationship. He is a naval officer and he is at sea for certain periods. She would tell me that she had to go away with work but I have now found out that she was going on weekends to Paris with him and even holidays. I don’t understand why she kept a relationship going with me for 6 months (sexual as well) when it seems she was in love with him. We didn’t live very near each other anyway. I called her in a rage yesterday and challenged her. I even told her that I have read her emails but she still denied everything and nearly started to convince me that I had made a mistake. I even pointed out that as it is over there is no need to lie but she still insisted that I was misled. One email specifically states that they have been going out for 6 months.

I knew her divorced father had a midweek girlfriend and a different girlfriend for the weekends. I found this immoral but it didn’t occur to me that it could be a family habit. My ex gave me the impression that she didn’t approve and made me believe that she would not be capable of such a thing.

The problem is I still like talking to her and everyone who meets her, except my brother who had a bad instinct, found her to be one of the most lovely and charming people you could talk to. I think the problem I have is that I want to believe her lies. Is she some kind of selfish pathological liar or did she just try and protect my feelings. I really want to believe she has a mental problem and I want to hate her but I am struggling. My dad says I should be in church thanking god that it is over. I sent her boyfriend emails between me and her at the time he was seeing her referring to how she wants to undress me etc. Hopefully she won’t be able to convince him that I am faking the emails. I am certain that because she is so nice on the surface he’ll fall for it and will want to believe her like me. I just feel sorry for him because when he goes to sea he will have no idea what she is up to. Is it really possible that my ex believes her own lies?

Move on as hard as it may be...
written by Guest, 24 July, 2006

I feel your pain. I am dealing with my compulsive liar who I have been married to for the past few months. I am 29 and like your father, I would tell you count your blessings that you found out this early. I had 3 years and I am totally devastated. Many of the things you mentioned about your girlfriend, mirrors my husbandne of the most lovely and charming people you could talk to. Like my husband she is probably versed in all subjects from anthropology to early BC period. It is quite apparent that she is a compulsive liar. YOu have to be strong since they make such a compelling case to make you seem like the crazy one. CL have convinced themselves that the lies are totally true. My husband is currently have multiple affairs with women and convinces them that they are the only one. IF you had access to their phone # and address, what would you do? I am trying to divise a way to inform this one woman in particular so that he doesn’t trace me. Any ideas?
Again, betrayal is one of the worst states any human being can be in. It will take sometime to heal, it will also take sometime to accept the fact that we were conned. Just pray.

thanks for your words
written by Guest, 25 July, 2006

Yes, you’re right. She is extremely bright, outgoing, charming. Has loads of friends and a great social life. Incidentally, I didn’t meet her friends only her sisters and father. She made me feel I wasn’t good enough to meet them yet. All the signs were there I guess. She has impeccable manners and I had the impression she was extremely well brought up. I know her mother speaks 5 languages and her sister learned Portuguese in about a month. She is an investment banker and extremely goal orientated. She gave me drive to pursue a better career and I even hit the books and am still trying to study. She finished with me half way through my course and I just haven’t been able to study. She must have realized the affect on me.

It all makes sense now. I mentioned about her father and I know her mother is re married but only spends half the year with her new husband. It must have had a serious affect on how she is as I can see now it clearly runs in the family. A very bad family and I wish them bad luck. Like you said she managed to convince me that I messed up the relationship. I always tell people that I feel like I am a new soul in this life and hopefully this experience will make me stronger and wiser.

I don’t know what to say about your case. Obviously I have managed to avoid walking the aisle but it feels so personal that you can’t help feeling sorry for yourself. I definitely had a sense of satisfaction emailing her other boyfriend although I won’t know the outcome and she will be able to convince him I am wrong. Whatever happens he will have a sense of doubt and I can’t imagine anything worse than being out at sea with that on your shoulders. I got some very satisfying texts from her when the penny dropped about what I had done. I got her sweating. I was warned early on that she might have been cheating on me but was convinced it was a mistake. Maybe the best thing for you is to inform these other women’s parents if you can as they are the most influential people. Maybe get a friend to inform these women. You would be doing them a favor. It is sad that there are people that feel they can do these things but I get comfort from the fact (although it sounds nasty and I feel guilty) that they surely have some very deep mental issues and can only really love themselves and no other.

written by Guest, 28 July, 2006

Well today I have to convince myself that I cannot be my brother’s keeper all the time. I would have to approach this situation with the attitude that the women will eventually find out for themselves. A few minutes ago my soon to be ex. husband announced to me that he will be going out of the country with his daughter’s mother. They are traveling for 2 weeks. I am not sure how long he will be gone. Can you believe it? No respect. After 7 months of marriage, he Never once told his daughter’s mother that he is married. I know that things are over, but the lack of respect blows my mind. And since my "husband" has bad credit he is asking me to charge the ticket for him. I have a lot of praying to do this weekend. I feel extremely hurt, totally disrespected, totally betrayed.

Need to understand....
written by Guest, 29 July, 2006

My boyfriend of almost 4 months was just as many of you have written. Charming, a total gentleman, loving, great with my kids, etc. Then a few weeks back he quit calling me back, said his cell phone was on the outs, would stand me up for holidays, planned dates, etc. I wish now I had ended it. However, he kept saying he was having emotional issues due to the military so I stuck by him. Well, I was so worried about him I tracked his parents down in South Carolina. Come to find out everything he told me was a lie, from his age, to his job (or lack thereof), where he came from, etc. Come to find out he has never been to war so he wasn’t having any of those emotional issues. I hate to face it but I know he’s cheating on me. I ended it last night but had to leave him a message on his cell phone as he won’t return my calls. Yet days later he’ll call and make up all this stuff. Why is it he is the one who lied yet I am the one who feels guilty about ending it? We had tickets to a concert tonight that I bought and he’s standing me up for that. I’ve caught him in numerous lies but he is always able to convince me. He’s never even apologized for what he’s done. It hurts but I guess it’s better to find out now. Now I’m just scared as to how many other women he has been with.

you have to draw a line
written by Guest, 30 July, 2006

The problem that I found when my ex left me was allowing myself to let go. Everything is still running through my mind. The things that I found odd at the time but let pass I now find myself wondering was it because she was with him then etc etc. She has let me talk to her since she broke off with me which I now realize is a big mistake. It just sets you back. Its been over for 3 months now and it all still dominates my mind and how she cheated on me. I am really worried that I am living in the past and it is not a healthy way to be. I can feel my throat due to the amount of cigarettes I have been smoking as I walk around in circles with my head down outside. Its natural to want to have answers and to figure things out in your head but you just have to draw a line through it and start thinking about the future. The only way to think of it is as if they have died and are buried. Its essentially the same thing as you are never going to see them again. The only way to get over it fast is to have absolutely no contact, try to forget about the past.

I started to believe all women are selfish like she was and that I would never be able to trust anyone. You are probably feeling the same way about men. Well I am a man and I would never be capable of doing things like you all describe, so at least there is one decent man out there and there must be plenty more. The fact that they are such charming people has meant I still don’t hate her for what she has done to me. Thats why you have to forget about trying to find answers. Accept they are the ones that are weak for doing it in the first place and live for now and the future. Forget about understanding! all you need to understand is its dead and buried and in your past. Move on you can do it. This is advice to myself also.

Dealt with a Sociopath ex?
written by Guest, 08 August, 2006

This is a great way to put it. There will be relapses in still trying to figure things out. However, the amount of energy exerted in seeking the truth may not be worth it. Like you, I am learning to let go unfortunately in my situation we still share the same apartment. My case is different than most of you guys since I have to tread VERY lightly. My soon to be ex is a real sociopath, who has spared nothing in stating what he will do to me. I will love again. He is the type to go all out and hire someone to try to be with be. He is really sick and the saddest thing is that he is in a field where he has access to info on anyone. Has anyone dealt with a breakup from a Real (ABC 20/20 type relationship)? I would love to hear about your experience.

I know how you feel.
written by Guest, 10 August, 2006

I am currently in a relationship with a man, who until recently i thought was only 22 (I am only 19). However I got the feeling that he was lying to me and consequently found out off my own accord that he is in fact 27. It wasn’t the fact that he is 27 that shocked me-it was the fact that he had lied about it. Some people say that age is just a number-but now he has drawn attention to this. I know that he lies to me about other things too-his parents, past relationships, schooling. Everything! I cannot have faith in a word he says. But like you it is hard to get out as he treats me so sweetly in the present. I have now had enough though and am going to get out. I would advise you to do the same.

Me too
written by Guest, 12 August, 2006

I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and just moved in with him. Last year he came clean about some things he had lied about. He claimed he slept with a couple girls when in reality I’m the only girl he has even kissed (we started dating when I was 16 and he was 1 then he lied about witnessing a car wreck, then about getting in a fight. I thought it would stop and he hasn’t made any new lies that I know of but he just came clean about another one today. I don’t believe he can ever stop or get over this. I think he needs help but he says he cant afford it. I want to leave but he supports me since I am still in school. I just want to say f**k it and sell everything I have and go back home. I don’t know what to do, because like a fool I love him.

Dr. Who?
written by Guest, 15 August, 2006

I met this guy who lied about being in medical school, his age, marital status, being a father, his parents and heaven knows what else. Anyway his W called me and supposedly told me the truth but he states that the W is not who she claims to be, either. I have fallen for this guy and have not felt this way since my husband of 6 years. I have been divorced for 14 months. Who should I believe and should i run for the hills? W stated he is not a med student, is 44 not 28 has been married for 22 years, has two kids 22 and 26, cannot spell any medical terms to save his soul, he has no money and just got a job. I feel like a fool for allowing myself to be played like a fiddle.

Google him
written by Guest, 15 August, 2006

IF you like drama then I suggest you continue with this relationship. But if you don’t, Run. How did his W get your number? Go to white pages or zabasearch where you sometimes get the age of anyone. If it does not work then pay under $20 to get marriage records etc. This relationship does not sound healthy. You do not need any more pain. I suggest you do some deep soul searching. Does he have certificates from med school? Call the school, find a list of alums from whatever year he graduated... I would strongly suggest you get out.

For the
written by Guest, 02 September, 2006

For the "loves me more than any woman he’s ever loved" girl:
Text: Sweetie, your words seem my words. Also my boy said that to me, and know what? I talked to an ex-girlfriend of his and she said he wasnâ??t very different. She also cried when she tried to break up with him (and after, he was the one who ended it). And an e-mail I read, that another ex wrote to him ending it (just when we were starting together, so imagine...) it seemed written by me. The words, the reasons, the pain. Amazing, isn’t it? And still here I am, like a fool, trying to believe life could be worst than being with him. Why do we refuse to acknowledge the painful truth and prefer the happy lie? Maybe he really loves you, like mine can really love me. But you know what? Keep an open mind. Don’t shut your heart to others. Live your life the best you can, and one day, when you realize the truth, whatever it might be, you could already have found another love... Remember, he doesn’t owe you anything; your goal is to be happy, with or without him! best wishes

I’m Feelin You....
written by Guest, 03 September, 2006

Right now Iâ??m going with someone. They say they love me and stuff, but itâ??s like I have a STRONG feeling that there not over their ex. I have confronted him and asked him. And he said HE was. But I know when he lies, and when he’s telling the truth. And something is just telling me that heâ??s not telling me the truth. Iâ??m tired of thinking this way. I canâ??t stand whenever they talk to other people. They act like they’re not satisfied with me. I just want to feel loved, but apparently I am not. I want to just drop it and break up. I feel our relationship is fading. But I Love Him So Much... And I canâ??t stand the thought of losing him, but then again. If I feel So NOT LOVED. And I donâ??t want to feel this way. But something is making me feel that way. I Just Canâ??t Put My Finger on it. Iâ??m so heartbroken and torn right now, I donâ??t know what to do.

I hear you all......
written by Guest, 20 September, 2006

My handsome, charming, respectable, airline pilot boyfriend lies to me. I don’t understand it as the lies are so unnecessary: how he got injured, how long he’s lived in an apt (it was 1 year, then 2 --- I later find out it was 6!) and now after a almost a year he reveals he is 4 years older than I was told... he’s convinced these lies aren’t a big deal but rather I’m making a mountain out of a mole hill. Like a writer above, I’ve now got to hide the fact that he’s lied again, as my family has had it with the B.S. My willingness to stay with him has created a wedge between me and my family. I love him. We SHOULD be great... but the lies create distance, distrust and hard feelings for me. Last night I paid $60 to an internet site for a comprehensive background check on him. I don’t want to be an ostridge with my head in the sand, but-- I’m deeply in love with him and I’m hoping he’s going to stop and change-- for me...
Is there hope?

I see myself in every single one of you
written by MaryAnn, 21 September, 2006

I am recently out of a three year engagement to a compulsive liar. I STILL find myself falling for his lies to this day. I am trying to find a way to cut him from my life completely, as I now know he’s been lying to me about EVERYTHING since day one. The worst lie he’s ever told me? That he was sexually abused as a child. Why would someone lie about that? As many of you said, he always made me feel bad for accusing him and/or made me feel like I was crazy or remembered details wrong, etc..... I would like to ask if there is any support for victims or loved ones of compulsive liars? I have gone from a self confident, successful woman to an insecure heap of a mess. I feel worthless and disrespected and drained. I moved here to be with him over 400 miles away from all of my family and friends, so I am very alone. I can’t move back home until I sell my house and in the meantime I am just trying to get my self-respect back, but I need help and can’t afford a professional therapist. So are there any groups of people who meet or anything that have gone through the same things?
Peace be with you all.
~MaryAnn

cheating
written by cheat on too., 17 November, 2006

Cheating is the end of every relationship. Love is destroyed and trusted know longer present. That is not love, that is love of yourself...

sneek peek into the abyss
written by Mobius, 30 December, 2006

I’d just like to shed a little light on things. Please keep in mind I’m not defending any actions any of you describe above. I simply want to give you a glimpse at what goes on inside my head, and perhaps, in turn allow for some insight into your own personal situations. Maybe this will prove helpful, maybe not.
First off, I am a compulsive liar. Even now, I find myself re-writing this post to try to cut out embellishments and exaggerations. Embellishing is what I do. And I am GREAT at it. No crazy horrific experiences to speak of, my youth, was quite uneventful. I grew up engrossed in books and other literatures and was usually picked on, but never constantly abused (aside from the few episodes that always seem to plague public schools).
In short, I simply found life boring. I would find myself wishing bad things could happen to me so that I too, could have a story to tell, be it a death in the family, a personal injury, anything to draw attention to myself, really. Essentially, when I told a specific lie often enough, I became accustomed to responding to comments afterwards. In a sense, it became truth to me. This relativism I developed affected everything. And I inadvertently trained myself to improvise answers instead of giving honest ones. Personally I never lied about what I considered to be "Big" things. I considered myself a poet in love and as such my philosophy was simply "It’s all about the girl."
My romantic life mirrored that. Even though I was desperately in love with one such woman, the small trivial things often caught up with me. All simple menial questions:
"what’s new?"
"where did you go?"
"what’s on your mind?"
"what happened to the.....?"
"did you take the....?"
Usually, and to my eternal regret, without taking a second to consider the questions I often had a lie spilling out of me. Perhaps the truth was simply not colorful enough, I’m not sure how I processed it. All I know is if you asked me this second if I had put gas in the car on my way home, my first instinct would be to tell you that the gas station was closed down for some form of repair and I’d do it tomorrow. But, in honesty, I simply forgot.

Compulsive liars crave the spotlight. Looking back, I see that I basically rooted my actions after the type of person I WANTED to be and not who I was, since I felt I was obviously was far too boring to hold anyone’s attention to my satisfaction. I usually was my own biggest critic. And beat myself up for everything and anything I personally considered a "failure". The worst insults given to me were usually muttered to myself under a frustrated breath. And I often hid behind the guise of "depressive episodes."
I have never been diagnosed as ADD or ADHD. But I told people I was many times. I’d talk about serious health problems, and strange medicines I required. I’d mourn random deaths in the newspaper and give myself an imagined circumstance as to how that person (falsely) affected my life so deeply. And I reached the point where I would genuinely feel the emotions and the loss. Sometimes maybe even cry. ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING to prove I was UNIQUE. Any way I could show the world I deserved special attention. But all the while in my self-criticisms, always telling myself contrary.

When my friends and family first realized I had a problem and tried to "call me on it" it showed some promise, but the habitual lies had become so comfortable for me, I ended up simply getting better at it as opposed to my own personal humiliation at being found out constantly. For me, the truth neither feels or sounds real when it’s forced. But that’s what I have to do. Force it. Counseling won’t help. It will merely give me an opportunity to weave more stories to someone I have to pay to care. You know, I heard once that the money isn’t in the cure for a disease or disorder, the money is in the medicine. Every person with a problem with lying has to reach and make a personal decision for themselves that they WANT change in their life. They have to come to grips that they, in fact, ARE good enough and don’t need to be anything other than themselves.
Easier said than done, trust me. As I once prided myself in the ability to be a chameleon. I could go anywhere, and blend in. Talk about anything. Often times I saw other people’s lies reflected as they agreed and played off of mine.
And to no small degree, it’s that DESIRE that seems to be the underlining common denominator in most of us who lie without thought. We who hurt the ones closest to us with our seeming inability to be truthful in the "small" (relativism) things. If we lie in the little things, how can we be trusted with the larger things? I personally, simply always desired to be more than what I was.
More than what I am.
But first I will need to wake up every morning and remember...
"I have a problem.
But I refuse to stay this way."
If a smoker wants to quit he needs support and a compulsive liar needs a very similar approach.

I have a child to a compulsive liar and can’t leav
written by Tassie, 31 December, 2006

Reading through all of your comments I feel like finally I’m not imagining things. I have been with my girlfriend for 3 years, and after being with her for only a few months, she became pregnant. after telling me she had some drinks and the pill didn’t work... we had discussed having kids and I said I wasn’t ready for a few years yet. I have recently found out that she had a miscarriage to a previous relationship and just wanted a child. I feel so used, and trapped. I know she lies about everything including stupid things that don’t matter. I don’t know what to do, but I want her to understand what she’s doing to our relationship. when i tried to confront her, she just basically said that she didn’t care if I left her. now I’m becoming hated by her for pulling her up all the time when i know she’s lying. I agree that it takes a lot of effort to help someone, as i have lost friends and family members due to her lies and me standing by her. and I have a little daughter that is getting caught in the middle of it all

I need help with my lying husband
written by Linda in yuma, 31 December, 2006

I am in the same boat. I have a husband that lies constantly, over little things, even when it is not necessary. We have struggled with this for 8 years. Status lies, chewing tobacco lies, the guy will eve lie about food. He is a good man with a huge heart. He is always at home with us, is very attentive and loving, and works hard. It’s not lies about infidelity, etc. It’s stupid lies to look good, or the fear of my disapproval. I am so frustrated. He says he just doesn’t want to disappoint me. I can’t seem to impress how the lying is what disappoints!

It’s not about infidelity?
written by anonymous, 02 January, 2007

Linda in Yuma: I, too, live with a compulsive liar. Up until now I thought that I was alone, and the only person who felt stupid and embarrassed enough to stay with this liar. I did not catch my husband the first time around. She contacted us and left a message for him on the answering machine. It’s not until they are caught red handed that they own up to anything.
As a military wife, I am forced to trust him as he ships off to various spots around the world for 2-9 weeks at a time. Holding onto the belief that he would never hurt me like that again was what helped me through the separations. Pause. Rewind. Stop. We are dealing with compulsive liars. Our love and need to believe in them has us doing unreasonable things that we wouldn’t ordinarily do.
I held onto this belief until phone bills and mysterious purchases shattered my bubble. Please take caution in this area. He may be leading you on a journey that you do not want to travel.
Please accept my apologies if I am harsh. My scars are deep and very recent. I wish you luck on your journey.

I know what to do...not how to do it.
written by confused..., 08 January, 2007

I knew my boyfriend had "some" problems when we first started dating. He was upfront (maybe) and told me that he had a rough past. He was a convicted sex offender (he was 21, she was 14) and "her mom read her diary..." I’m not sure if I was just taken by surprise that this guy that I hadn’t met before that day, had the respect to open up to me like that... or did he? He’s on 10yr probation with mandatory sex offender counseling. He put off counseling for one reason or another for the entire year that we’ve been dating. It was go to counseling or back to jail. Another flag right off was that he was a SPOILED ROTTEN only child who literally had been handed anything he wanted without so much as saying thanks for it. I associated his ego with the ability to get anything he wanted.
About 3 months or so into the relationship, the stars started to fade a little. he was a smoker when we first started dating, and agreed to stop (I’m allergic). I had heard through friends that he’d started again, but brushed it off. One day I was feeling a little cautious and asked him if he had been smoking again. He looked me in the eye and said "no i haven’t had one since we talked before."
The conversation went further, according to him, I wasn’t communicating effectively. So again I asked him about smoking. Not 10 minutes after, he looked me in the eye again and said, "yah, I’m sorry." I kicked him out. He went to his parent’s house for the night (I let him back in) and called me, crying, and said a very common theme in all of these stories... "I’m in love with you, cant be with anyone else... blah blah blah" And I guess I bought it.
It’s been going on for a year now. Exactly one year, I think that’s what triggered my thought about this. I’ve caught him at several bs lies, and thought A) what else has he been lying about, B) why am I putting up with this and C) when I realized that this was a destructive relationship. WHY DIDN"T I BAIL THEN?!?!?!?! No one has no respect for him because he embellishes EVERYTHING!!!! And I cant’ even listen to a story about his day at work, I don’t believe half of it.
I know a lot of the problem is my responsibility. I should have ended it when this whole thing started, now I’m knee deep in a relationship that is completely unhealthy. He’s accepted that he’s a compulsive liar, but he admitted to me tonight that he hasn’t changed because it hasn’t had to. Nothing really affects him, he’s so buried in himself. And he’s right, it hasn’t affected him because I’ve tolerated it for so long. There’s so much about him that I know, and the more I know the less I believe...
Any suggestions?

WANT MAKE TO CHANGE
written by ROSE CLORED GLASSES, 27 January, 2007

Well, I also married a man that is a liar and I see that his insecurities from his childhood could make a person lie like this about everything. It is to the point now that when he even tries to tell something about my daughter – what she did or didn’t do – I have found that he is not capable of telling the truth about anything. I have been with this person for 6 years and his lies have destroyed my own sense of reality. I cannot even believe my own gut feelings – he is a con. Even when I try to make him feel safe and comfortable – that I will not judge him – he still abuses my trust.

I don’t know what to do
written by married, 30 January, 2007

My husband and I have been married for a little over a year and we have a beautiful little girl. I didn’t realized the signs when we were dating or even engaged until now but my husband is a cl and I don’t know how to fix our relationship. He is always telling me and promising me that it will never happen again and then it does. He lies about everything from where he is, to what he wears, whether or not he watched TV or used his computer, or big things like love letters from some of his coworkers. I just feel like I don’t even know him. Please give me some advice.

I see a common theme here.
written by r, 31 January, 2007

Wow! I thought it wasn’t common to find out you are living a lie. My Bf also was amazing at the beginning. Just after I had fallen for him I found out he was cheating on me with a girl he had been with before we even met! I was furious but I was also amazed because he never showed any signs. I realized then that he was an unbelievable liar. I refused to speak to him for weeks and we finally met up so he could explain everything. There was so much more. It turned out everything was a lie. What I found out that day has scarred me. I can’t write what he told me but it was much more than cheating... Like the others he was hard to spot. He is a model, extremely articulate, intelligent, charming and popular. Unfortunately like the other cl mentioned he is a chameleon and proud of it. If your guy can charm the pants off anyone or can fit in with any social circle be wary. If it seems to good to be true most likely it is. I am still sad to this day to know how easily these types of people can con open-hearted people and just play with their hearts. He wrote me the most amazing poems/love letters. He would profess his undying love to me,buy me beautiful things, cook for me. Somehow he could do all those things but he could not be honest. He built an amazing false reality that was hard not to want to live in. Good luck to all of you. This is not easy. I am still trying to let go but I am cemented in place.

written by over it, 08 February, 2007

I’ve been with my boyfriend for over a year, and caught him out a number of times with his lies. I’ve been numb with the pain and do not feel it any more which gives me the courage to split up. I do not want to end it badly because he was a nice guy very charming and all that, but I can do so much BETTER. I don’t have to put up with his lies and neither should anyone. Stand up for yourselves. LOVE IS BLIND but when you get a little bit hurt it starts getting clearer, and I could then see the truth although he said he has never cheated on me, why couldn’t he be honest? That’s probably a lie too. If we carry on to be friends, I am now taking every thing he says with a pinch of salt.

SHOCKED AND AMAZED
written by Gwizkid35, 13 February, 2007

Oh goodness, after reading this site I am completely freaked out... I googled Compulsive Liar advice for some basic direction, never thought I would hear about so many situations that are EXACTLY like mine. I have been married just over 6 months to a Compulsive Liar, who I believe is cheating on me and most of all is extremely physically and verbally abusive to me and my two daughters. How do we break free from this? He says he is getting treatment, he is also a bipolar alcoholic. I was warned recently about his ways from his ex-girlfriend who told me things and I investigated (internet is WONDERFUL) and it turns out she is correct, he is basically a MONSTER!!!

cheating compulsive
written by butchinettaaa, 20 February, 2007

Was with a CL for two years who I found out was married. He wined and dined me an told me things no other man ever did. Wanted to marry me!! I saw him day and night... very convincing... said he was separated. After wooing me for two years and me finding out the truth, he went home to tell his wife to move in with me. She threw him out... took him back... threw him out... took him back. Same with me, threw him out, took him back... believed all the lies. They are still together and had another child ( His life went on while mine fell apart). I moved and married but could never get him out of my mind all of these years. I thought he did the right thing by going back to his family... this is how I justified things in my mind, I guess to keep me sane. Have never stopped thinking of him for 7 years. One day I decided to call him... He said lets meet for lunch... I said okay... we talked for 30 minutes catching up on his life. He was making tons of money, he has had two affairs... one with a runway model. He is happily married, women are so attracted to him even at age 46... everyone loves him, he bought houses, has a boat, a motorcycle, he is the greatest, etc. I listened and almost believed him and said... NO, NO MORE!! Wrote him back an email:
"Cant meet you for lunch, still the same person, cant listen to that narcissistic behavior anymore, I’m a lot smarter, smart enough to listen the egotistical behavior.
I hope you find happiness in your life and with in yourself. He Responded... WOW, very judgmental.. a simple no for lunch would have done... GOODBYE!!
I was okay with my response and his, I felt good about it that I walked away from this situation. Had I met him, I am sure he would have convinced me of having an affair and I could not do that to my husband... I would have become like my CL. When we had broken up, I fell apart, I could not live without this man, all the things he would say to fill up my head about Love and Marriage and could not live without me. My world fell apart and I thought he did the right thing by going back. I started to drink, sleep around, things I never did in my life. I scraped the bottom of the barrel and his life went on. It took a few years and I have married, my marriage has suffered because I thought I still loved the CL... I am glad that I did not fall in the trap again... almost did, but did not let it happen. I have to tell you that I am going thru some kind of mourning right now... In my crazy mind, I thought when we were very old and our spouse have moved on to the higher being, that maybe we would be joined together. Insane, right!! I am mourning him now, after all these years, I am still crying, don’t know if I still love him or am just so disappointed in myself for calling him... I am glad I did... because its time for me to really move on and work on my marriage and the real man who loves me truly.

I am 53 years old... This can happen to anyone at any age. I think I have finally grown up.

hmmm
written by disappointed there are this ma, 21 February, 2007

Like so many people on this post.. It is actually unbelievable that there are so many deceitful people in this world. I am currently dating someone who I have labeled a compulsive liar. The lies never stop. Most of it has to do with other girls. I have no trust in him, it has actually come to the point that I can’t even believe if he tells me he turned off the stove. He moved in with me as a favor, b/c my roommate backed out last minute. I never thought that it was going to turn out like this. I have been stuck for months with no options. I have been distanced from my friends, afraid to tell my parents. There are many nights where I lay in our bed wondering how I got caught up in this situation. It is clear that these types of people have no respect for us. I am just wondering what causes people to lie like this. I cannot believe that it is simply because they want to seem greater than life? Best of luck to the rest of you getting out of these situations. The one thing I have realized absolutely is that People will NEVER change.

written by fallgirl, 25 February, 2007

I have come to the realization that I am a compulsive liar. I have limited resources, and am curious if meds work, or if it is like breaking a bad habit. I am so depressed over the damage that I have caused with my lying.

written by been there, done that, no t-sh, 17 March, 2007

Ok.. this is a GREAT site, and I am on weekend #3 away from my CL. These men need to wear neon tags around their necks that say "Women BeWARE." He, like most compulsive liars, is CHARMING and good looking. Well respected in his work, blah blah blah. Was working in Iraq as a contractor. Had two long term marriages. Two beautiful kids. Seemed a bit mixed up after the current divorce (she couldn’t handle him being gone to Iraq, though she didn’t mind spending the money). Anyway, fed my head full of crap. Always told me how beautiful I was, how special I made him feel, you get the picture. Always had the ex trying to stir trouble, but his biggest problem was he was so insecure he had to get female attention anywhere he could get it. Do I think now in the last year he was faithful? Nope. Do I think he has women strung out all over this world? YES. I am not sure who’s post said, "they do it because they can" – that is the bottom line. When I caught him the first time, I forgave, because I loved him. In his sick and twisted way, he finds comfort in someone else because he doesn’t feel "worthy" of being in a truly good relationship, so he sabotages it. I did walk away after the second incident. Like someone else said too, they will lie to your face, and not even bat an eye. This man has 14 years of law enforcement.. SCARY. But he lied again, and I caught him. That is what he was more concerned about, was how I caught him, not the fact that he did it, and I knew. Said he didn’t want to loose me.. yeah right. So I battle the same feelings as everyone else, wanting to be with a man who is a CL. But with mine, he won’t be back. He knows now that I am not one to believe his lies, so the mystery doesn’t work on me. I have found that these men are what is termed, "emotionally unavailable", or narcissistic, or ambivalent. Goggle all of the above.. and READ.. because with knowledge comes power. Final thought, ALWAYS trust your gut. Mine told me to get out months ago, and I didn’t do it.

Blessings to all my sisters in this struggle.

written by deceived, 18 March, 2007

I have been very interested to read so many stories so similar to mine.
I dated a guy who lied to me for 6 yrs, big lies like where he grew up and where he worked to little insignificant lies about practically everything else.
Like others have said he was a good looking guy that everyone loved and respected. He would make me feel like the most special person in the world and we had a great relationship in so many ways which is what kept me there.
He would make me feel like there was something wrong with me if I questioned him and I would end up feeling guilty.
I finally put my foot down one day and it is one of the hardest but most positive things I have ever done. I know I did the right thing and that has made it all so much easier. All I can say is get out as soon as you can. You don’t want to live the rest of your life like that! It is so much harder to live like that than to be on your own.
I still keep in contact a little and he still constantly lies to me while telling me how much he has changed.
He won’t ever change and as much as I would like to encourage others to try and make it work I would say don’t bother, the reason he makes you feel so good is that he is a people pleaser and knows exactly what to say to get what he wants. Not a bad person but someone with a problem... Good luck to all those that are where I once was!

written by CL, 19 March, 2007

I’m a compulsive liar suffering from bipolar depression who knows my very bad habit has hurt those around me who still want very much to trust me. I still believe I’ve imaginary siblings, and that relationships that have long gone sour are still healthy. I’m trying to change for someone I truly deeply love, but somehow these lies comfort me, and I believe in them.

written by krc1908, 14 April, 2007

OH my god!! Reading all these posts seems like I’m reading a little snipit of my own life. I have been with my husband for 6 years now and he lies all the time... and never sees it or admits to it. He will lie to cover up another lie! He lies about $$, jobs, women... whatever. I recently left him because I found out he was calling his ex-girlfriend that he dated 6 years ago before me! And of course when confronted with it he tried to lie! I had phone records to prove it and he still tried to lie and say he didn’t know how her phone # got on his phone!! How stupid do I look?! I caught him last year in a similar situation with a girl he met through his work. I intercepted a graphic sexual message she left him on his cell phone and when confronted he tried to say it was a wrong #...then upon further prodding he said she was stalking him!! ha... he’s cute but he ain’t that cute!! Then upon further investigation I found out that he had in fact given her his # and initiated some sort of relationship with her. I should have left him then but I chose to stay and work on my marriage. We even started marriage counseling only to find out that the entire time were were going to counseling he was calling his ex-girlfriend. Even the counselor was shocked when I went to her and told her what I had found out. She said he always seemed so genuine and sincere about his love for you and how badly he wanted to work things out! HA... compulsive liars are apparently very good at making their lies sound like the truth. But like I said I have have left him and am trying to start over but he cannot seem to understand why I left. He’s even told me he’s angry with me and this entire situation and he just can’t understand why I don’t want to work things out with him. Hello... I was trying to work things out for the past year and for 5 months of that time he was trying to start a relationship with his ex. Compulsive liars are just that... compulsive... they’ll never change... they can go to counseling and that might help but unless they’re willing to be honest and try to change... they never will. My husband said he wanted to change but when he went to counseling all he did was lie to the counselor!

written by Yet another one deceived, 15 April, 2007

It has been so great to read all your stories. It has helped me a great deal. I am grieving for the loss of my sweet, loving, attentive fiance, and our marriage only 10 weeks away, and the beautiful "old age" we envisaged. He was killed by lies. A month ago I discovered everything my fiance had told me was a lie. He had invented a life for himself because he said he was too boring. None of my family or friends can believe how this wonderful man can have lied so convincingly. Although I have broken ties with him he continues to contact me "just to talk" and still believes we have a future together. I really don’t think he understands why I am so shattered. He feels he has told the truth now (so he says. I doubt it!)I miss
him so much. Finding love took me so very long. I really don’t believe that I will find anyone else. I am so sad and so lonely. There is such a temptation to take him back. I know I can’t and reading your stories reinforces that for me. Thank you so much. I feel I have friends now. Not so aloe. Thank you everyone. Peace.

written by Irish Firefighter, 16 April, 2007

I found out a little over 2 months ago that my fiance (now ex) had been lying to me about where he was working for 6, almost 7 months. I just don’t understand. And like a lot of you on this site, I find myself blaming myself and thinking "I" did something wrong. I feel so depressed right now. I thought I actually found a man to spend the rest of my life with and whom loved me for me. He has 2 kids and I have absolutely fallen in love with them. He claims to love God and goes to church but yet he lies in front of a priest and to God himself. He has told little lies to cover the big lie. He says he’s sorry and admits he made a mistake but do I really believe that? And what’s worse is that he was living with me and it didn’t take him long once he was "exposed" to just up and leave me. Running away cause he knew I’d never let up on him because my hurt and anger are too great right now. He claims that he still loves me but he sure doesn’t show it. My counselor says he should be bending over backwards to repair what he has broken and he is not doing that. He chose to run away and abandon me instead.. which is the sign of a guilty man. I opened my heart & home to this man and his 2 children. He asked me on his knees to marry him in front of all my family & friends... how HUMILIATING that 2 months later I have to tell them all "he’s been lying to me for over 6 months". To this day I guess I will never know where that man got up and went to everyday for work, or even if he did work. He doesn’t pay his bills, he owes his 75 year old mom a ton of money, he was behind on his child support and doesn’t pay their medical bills. He asked my best friend to co-sign for my engagement ring cause he has terrible credit due to his Chapter 13 he filed. He had me out looking at $250 thousand dollar houses cause I own my home. How does he think he was going to make a house payment? He lied to me about 2 emails... he wrote them to make himself look better after I found something very negative about him on the internet, but he says they were written by 2 of his friends. I called his lie on that one and he admitted the truth cause I backed him into a corner about it and threatened to confront these people to tell me whether or not they really did write the emails. He finally confessed!!! There has just always been something not quite right about him but like all of you out there, he seemed so sincere, told me he loved me all the time, did all kinds of nice things for me, brought me little gifts, flowers and sweet cards. They are CON ARTISTS!!! They get OFF on it for some reason. It truly is a mental sickness and they need either severe counseling or medication. They hurt people DEEPLY. I feel so sorry for his 2 kids because they don’t deserve a father like that. I am going to miss those 2 children so much. I love them. Why does God allow all these terrible, hurtful things to happen to people??? I admit I’ve told a little white lie every now & then but not continuously on such a grand scale and never did I go to such EXTREMES. He tried so so hard to convince me all the time and that’s why..cause he knew he was GUILTY! I hope he gets mental help..otherwise he’s going to wind up a very lonely old man someday.

written by Imme, 17 April, 2007

I have been reading through the posts and I am amazed. It is the same story over an over. I have been dealing with my CL husband for a little over two years now. Like many of you, he was the man of my dreams... telling me everything I wanted to hear. If I had an insecurity he was making me feel better about it. If I was sad or depressed, he was there to brighten my day. He brought me gifts and he took me out to all the right places. I fell in love with him hard. It wasn’t but a few months into the marriage that things were starting to not seem quite right. Eventually the lies started to surface, and they have been surfacing ever since. This man lies so much he doesn’t even realize what his lies are sometimes. Other times, you can get him to admit to a lie but only after you have hard evidence of the lie. He is sick. He has no one in his life. His mother and I email each other with the condition I won’t discuss him. I finally asked her if I could discuss the situation with her a little. She was very kind about it, but told me no. She was sorry that he has hurt me, but she wants nothing to do with him and his lies. She said that for years she protected him because she believed him... the whole time he was lying to her and because of her rallying with him, she alienated other friends and family who tried to tell her otherwise. His lies has cost him relationships with his other two wives, he has lost jobs and he has lost friends. He has two daughters, one that will barely speak to him, and the other who shares his secrets and lies almost as much as him (very sad). He comes off sounding like Mr. Wonderful to everyone, but eventually the lies catch up with him and he has to run. For him, I think it is too risky to get too close to anyone because, and those he does get close with eventually discover who he really is. He is a 47 years old and he has no one. Soon, he won’t have a wife either. I am tired and I am realizing that there is nothing I could ever do to get him to realize how much he has hurt with me with his lies so he will change. I can’t get him to admit how the lies have affected his life. I am done... the only thing I am still trying to realize is how I can stop loving him and get back to a life that I use to love so much.

written by tracy68, 20 April, 2007

I too live with a compulsive liar, what really gets on my nerves, is they don’t realize just how much they are hurting the ones that they are suppose to "LOVE". Why do they do it, what do they gain from it? All they are going to do is lose their family, I have put up with this for ages, first an affair, he made it sound like I was going round the twist. And the little lies they can be sometimes worse than the big ones. They tell lies to cover lies and then forget what they have lied about in the first place. This may not make sense to some people. I’m fed up sticking up for him to family and friends. I keep saying to myself that’s it I have to call it a day, but it doesn’t seem that easy to let go. Confrontation is even worse he puts the barrier up and has the cheek to say I’m nagging, even if i have proof of the lie he doesn’t always admit it. bl***y coward.

written by Kiki, 23 April, 2007

As I read over all of your stories, it’s sad but comforting to know that I’m not alone. As much as I love this man that I met 10 months ago, pretty much everything he has told me has been lies (even when the truth was simple.) I still love him, more than I have loved anyone, but I realize now that the man that I fell in love with was someone he created... as difficult as it is for me to admit that and more, I know that I have to let him go. I realize that I can’t help him, only pray for him and be there if he ever begins to crumble. I miss him, but not the lies. And not only have I been hurt but my 12 yr. old son that truly looked up to him has been also, and if I don’t understand any of this, how can I explain it to his young heart?
Thank you all for sharing your stories, it has helped me on this particular journey in my life... and I wish all of you the very best!

written by Annabelle, 15 May, 2007

I was dating.. whom I thought was a man, for a year and a half. There were good times, but then there were also times where his ex was involved where she shouldn’t have been. I knew that they had just broken up for at least 2 months, and it was only and 8 month relationship. I soon come to find out that they had been secretly hanging out together without me knowing. It made it even more difficult when his ex was the one that told me what was going on. I had confronted him about it and he had hoped that his ex and that situation would die away. But it didn’t help when finally almost 4 months later I found the truth, or what seemed to be the truth, that while he was away working on a yacht, he came up with that I wasn’t calling him enough and that he couldn’t be the doting boyfriend, but that his ex was calling him and giving him the attention, and that he thought that he really needed her and was in love with her and then on the other hand he tells me that he was just seeking revenge because he wanted to mess with her head just as she messed with his, by dumping him and taking him back and dumping him. First of all, he’s an idiot, because he knew she had mental issues and that she was bipolar and had tried killing herself. But it was okay that he was there for her through all of that, and then as soon as me and him start dating, he tells me that he thought the relationship was solid enough for him to go away for this job, but then turns around and tells me that he couldn’t be the doting boyfriend that I needed. What kind of crud is that anyway. He keeps telling me he loves me and that I’m amazing and that there’s no one else like me..but I already knew that. And for lying to me for a year and a half about alot of other things that I’m not going into now. I think it’s just that I’m still in shock with everything that has happened. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, and he let me down big time. I ask him, how can you love me, if you can’t even let me know what’s going on, how does that help lay the foundation for anything to stand in the future. I do know what I have to do. I have to let him go. I really did care for him alot, but I can’t be with someone that I can’t trust, especially if they lied to me over and over and over again, for a year.

written by key1018, 16 May, 2007

I have been married to my compulsive liar for 19 years. A few years ago his girlfriend called me. He still denied it, but she continued to call back and he had to accept that fact that I knew the truth. We went to counseling. The counselor turned on me and told me that I was pushing him too much. He promised that he loved me so much that he would again risk losing me. Well, so much for that. It is so hard to end it. We have pledged our never-ending love to each other.He is working in another state and usually comes home on weekends. He recently called to tell me that we need to separate for awhile. At this time my grown children told me about his infidelities. Of course, he denies it.This is the hardest thing that I have ever done.

written by I think we’re all dating the SAME MAN!, 21 May, 2007

CL are addicts not unlike alcholics...they are master manipulators and know precisely what to say and when to say it. As it turns out, my CL is not "mine" at all...surprise! surprise!
I met my CL on line initially, then when we met in person, the sparks flew...we hit on all cylinders...physical attraction, cerebral connection, and emotional fulfillment. Within just a few short months, however, his true colors started to bleed through his impeccable facade. I caught him back on line on a different dating website that I broused through on a hunch b/c of something he accidentally commented on. When I confronted him, he concocted the most remarkable story that seemed to strongly resemble the lyrics of the "Pina Colada" song! OMG! What turnip truck did that man think I fell off of?!?
But, just like the rest of us enabling women, I forgave him and gave him a second chance...(I know! I know! Where’s that turnip truck?!?)
I continued dating him for another 6 months before I started becoming suspicious of his behavior again. In my own crafty way, I managed to outwit this clever CL and actually got him to confess his infidelities by pretending to be interested in seeing him have sex with another women right in front of me. Being t he narcissistic dumb*ss that he is, he fell for the trap and ended up sending me photos and VIDEOS of him with other women from his many monthly "business trips" (don’t even get me started about those f*ckathons that so many businessmen cleverly refer to as "conferences").
All at once, my heart was thrown into a blender while he mashed down the "pulp" button. Apparently, I’m a bit of an emotional masochist, b/c any other "normal" woman would’ve vanished after seeing photos and videos of the man she loved and adored banging away with other women. Instead, I stayed in contact with him determined to delve deeper...I knew there had to be more to this debauched man’s life than what he had shown me already.
Within a few weeks, he had sent me a fifteen page confession. In it, he said he had been married for over 20 years and had three children; that he had been having affairs for the past 12 years; and that he was currently juggling 23 women simultaneously; and blamed it on his ADHD and sex addiction issues. (Gee...ya’ think?!?)
What’s absolutely mind-boggling to me, is that he had *me* (a skeptic from the start) totally believing that I was the ONLY love in his life...again, a master manipulator at his finest hour. I spent months trying to figure out how he managed to find so much TIME to juggle all of us women...he was INCREDIBLY ATTENTIVE to me (texting me and emailing numerous times per day, calling me several times each day, with each phone call in excess of an hour in duration...) ~ in hindsight, he must’ve been exhausted with the maintenance of so much estrogen!
In the end, I learned that he was merely very good at delegating, multi-tasking, and was a master at copy & paste texts/emails...he’d simply send us ALL the exact same text/emails/thoughts/voice messages...he just carbon copied his emotions and multiplied it like some sick algebraic equation.
In my own crazy way, I think that "masochistic" drive I had to keep digging for more damning info was, in some way, paramount for me to obtain in order for me to let him go. It’s bad enough to be embarrassed for staying in a relationship with such a CL...but by making the evidence absolutely impossible and entirely too staggering to deny, I was able to foster enought animosity towards him to cast aside the fake relationship he had created between us...in the end, it was all just a warped, twisted illusion...and once I removed his smoke and mirrors, he no longer had a hold on me.
For what it’s worth, I don’t regret the time I spent with this CL, as he did manage to make me feel very important, special, and loved...albeit just an illusion. Now in hindsight, I can confidently say that I’ve emerged as a much more savvy woman who will be considerably less likely to ignore her gut instincts the next time around.
All this to say, I read each and every comment on this conversation blog about CL’s and was moved by each story, taking some small comfort in realizing that even mature, intelligent women (and men) can sometimes find themselves as accidental relationship victims of CL’s...and I just wanted to share my verbose story, to assure you, that the very first bit of advice on this strand, "RUN" is the only action you really need to heed.
Lastly, I want to share one last piece of advice that I stumbled upon, and have found it to be helpful not only in regard to my lovelife, but also in my business life, social life, and just about every other facet of my life as well:
"WHEN SOMEONE SHOWS YOU WHO THEY ARE, BELIEVE THEM THE FIRST TIME."

written by Living with deception, 23 May, 2007

After reading all these entries it is nice to know that I am not alone. I, like many of you, found my soulmate 12 years ago. The perfect man, romantic, treated me very much like a lady – like I"ve never been treated before. We are so close – like so many of you – there is an intimate attraction that you just can’t shake or leave. AFter our first year of marriage, I found that he had been lying to me and deceiving me. Like one of the others that commented, I found love letters, just like he had written to me, written to another woman. AFter going through hell with that ordeal, he promised never again, but of course more lies and deception – I learned he has done this 3-4 more times. EAch time he is confronted about lies and deception – not even about other women – just in general – he becomes extremely violent and angry. I like some of the others have noted that he has compulsive behaviors, does not recognize his lies, sees his behavior as nothing is wrong, and even lies to his counselor and psychiatrist. He is on medication to control his mood swings but now they are thinking he may be bipolar. Each time we make progress forward and I begin to trust, there are yet more lies that are discovered and we start the cycle all over again. I can predict it – just like clockwork – just like a dance that you do over and over and over. I like many of you have stated – know his heart – love him dearly – and it is the side of him that is sweet, romantic and loving that I am continually attracted to. This other dark side that surfaces causes many arguments about the little things. I will now need you all as my family to get me through this. But it seems, I will never get through it but must bear it. Any words of constructive feedback or positive wisdom that I can use will be most appreciated.

written by Anonymous, 14 June, 2007

All I can say is to not waste your time with someone who lies to you all the time. Until recently, I was in a relationship for 2 years with someone who lied to me about everything. It started out when we met and he told me that he had gotten out of a relationship several months ago and was currently single. Several months into our relationship I found out that for a quite a while into our relationship, he was still together with his girlfriend and had even been writing his daily love letters to me while on vacation with her in Japan!! He is very highly educated and ambitious, funny, charming, romantic, fluent in three languages, well off financially, and he showered me with gifts and attention. For my birthday he took me on a vacation to California where we stayed at a five star hotel, went to museums and watched sunsets at the beach. While usually not a naive woman, I was completely starry-eyed and thought that it was just all too beautiful to be true. We had a wonderful couple of days there, but I later found out later that this was the exact same trip, he had taken his ex-girlfriend on when she had her birthday. Anyway, I tried EVERYTHING to make his stop lying to me. After more than two years and soooo much energy and time wasted arguing and reasoning with him and trying to understand him, we have called it quits. Unfortunately, I didn’t manage to change his behavior even just a bit. His initial reaction to anything that happens and still a lie, and his "coming clean" afterwards, was always a partial or entire lie. I couldn’t picture myself without him, but now that we are no longer together I feel so much better and I am slowly regaining my joy of living and my self-esteem. I am shocked to see how negatively my relationship with him affected me.

written by movingonnow, 22 June, 2007

Again, so glad I’m not alone. I have been with my partner for 9 years and we have 3 kids. He has lied about things since we met such as little things about his past and what he does, where he is etc.. The first biggest lie was when we bought our house 5 years ago, he didn’t pay the mortgage for 2 years. There was no reason not too, he just chose not too. I didn’t know (stupid – yes I know but I wasn’t named on it at the time – but am now – learned from that one big time) until I got a bailiff’s letter giving me 48 hours to get out as my house was being repossessed. Had 1 kid then. I had questioned him about the bank letters but he just said don’t worry, everything’s fine. I knew he had missed some payment but not that much!!!! Anyway, it was resolved, kept house and forgave him. He is still lying about stuff like that and where he is at night, what time he was out at. When I question him and catch him out, he just denies it and turns it on me. Even with the proof in front of him. Sometimes I can read him like a book waiting for the lies. I just get accused of nagging and moaning!!! He will also exaggerate things for what reason I don’t know and I listen sometimes and am laughing out loud now (never used to) at the utter nonsense that he talks. We are at breaking point – to be honest I’m only holding it together for the kids. I’m just waiting for the other family/girlfriend/who knows what to turn up. Every day is a surprise and I’m fed up now and tired. What is the point I say!

written by Don’t know what to do, 26 June, 2007

Its been great reading all of your stories, as it is a comfort to me and I am hoping that you will be able to help me decide what to do.
I have been with my fella for 9 months, we got engaged after just 3 months and moved in together. Since then cracks have started to show but I’ve not been able to put my finger on what exactly was wrong until now. He’s unemployed, stays at home and suffers with depression, which I have been very sympathetic and supportive with until now.
When I arrive home from work, he’ll tell me that he’s been searching for work and been turned away, and that he’s been doing various things with his time. However somethings he says don’t always add up. It came to a head a couple of days ago when what he said was so obviously a lie, and I decided to confront him about them.
He admitted he’s been lying to me all along, about looking for work, and what he does during his day. I’m absolutely disgusted with him, as he lies so well, so I’m now questioning what else he has lied to me about. I’ve since spoken to his parents who also told me he lied very frequently when he lived with them, but they’re also intelligent people and caught him out a lot of the time.
A day has passed since we spoke and now I feel there’s a big distance between us. I’ve called the engagement off, but he wasn’t that bothered when I told him.
I don’t know what to do, because if he’s lying to me so easily about small things, how am I meant to trust him, and marry him! Especially when he’s home alone all day, every day.
Please help. At the moment I don’t see a way out of this, other than to leave him.

written by Htowns Finest, 04 July, 2007

Well well... If he lies to you and then tells you that he loves you, that’s a lie too!

I always heard being raised by my grandparents that if a man will lie, he will also steal, and kill! So I say, run! Don’t turn back... It’s never too late to move forward in life and look towards having a life less of the deception and other people’s psychiatric issues. No one can love you and treat you the way you deserve to be treated if they are constantly lying to you! Lies beget lies, and there’s nothing honorable at all about it! He doesn’t honor himself much less you!

written by Sweet Salsa, 05 July, 2007

You might be interested in this one... my live-in BF of 5 years went away to ARMY reserve drill. He called one day to tell me that he was deployed to Iraq and won’t be home for 18 months. I was devastated and sick with worry for his safety. He even went so far as to call me from "Germany" when he was on his way. We discussed arrangements for sending him money if he was short on cash. He even asked me to text message extra phone card numbers so he could keep in touch.

One evening, a woman called wondering why I was texting him. I came to find out that he was "deployed" to Texas with another girlfriend. When we compared notes, I was astounded at how he fed her the same lines he did me. He also lies to her in a similar way.

It’s pretty sad that the people who were most honest with me were his other girlfriends (yes, plural...there were others). I thank them for giving me a clue.

Here’s what’s been working for me: when you feel that you really miss him (or her) because you long for that special feeling he gave you... remember that you didn’t fall in love with him, but an illusion. In those weak moments when you want to call him, remember that he is telling other women the same exact lines he tells you. Just remember this: As hard as it is to accept, you are NOT SPECIAL TO HIM. I am, however, special to me... and I deserve better (same for all of you out there).

Epilogue: I now date another man. He’s not as obviously charming or suave; however, he is smart, good looking, kind, sweet, and honest. There is life after a liar. A part of you might always miss the liar, but remember the BIG part of you that doesn’t miss the pain that liars bring.

written by Disquieted Deb, 09 July, 2007

Like everyone else here, there is some comfort in knowing that I’m not alone. However, as I go through the latest drama after discovering my latest CL, I wonder if and when I will ever wake up and heed the signs of these damaging relationships. See, I have had 4, Yes, 4 of these type of men in my life in the past 10 yrs.

I’m beat down. I’m financially ruined. My self confidence is gone. I’ve lost hope and faith in people around me. It seems the very things that people have praised me for are also the same things that have made me easy prey for these snakes. I just took a test on LoveFraud.com and I scored 4 points below the top score for being Grade A Prey.

I’ve slowly but surely retreated from life and I can’t seem to stop it. How do I go forward when I no longer trust myself? I’ve gone from having a wall up to berating myself for allowing my past to affect a new relationship. In the end, I end up getting hurt because I didn’t trust my instincts over my overwhelming flaw of giving a person the benefit of the doubt.

My choices these past 10 yrs have drastically changed not only my life, but who I am inside. There was a time I would have been described as an extrovert. Now I go about my day with a mask for the world to see and race home to take it off because it’s hard to breath. I spend countless hours lost and getting nothing accomplished. Not a good thing as I’m self employed. I will go for days without uttering a word and sitting in complete silence.

I do well helping others in their time of need. I can’t seem to help myself.

To you CL’s...the damage you do to the people around you has long lasting effect. You need to get help before the damage you cause to those you claim to love cannot be undone.

written by Confused Chick, 11 July, 2007

I have been dating my bf for almost 18 months (our anniversary is on Saturday) and two days ago I found out that he had been lying to me all this time. when I met him I was in my second year of university and he was in the navy. He told me that he was leaving the navy to finish his studies. Every day we would speak about university life and classes and papers that we had to write, etc. He could tell me detailed stories about how his lectures was and would sometimes call me to meet him because he had had a miserable day in class. i would drop everything in order to make time to see him, sacrificing the little bit of study time I had. During exams he used to call me and tell me that he is unhappy or depressed because he thinks he failed an exam, he would even tell me about the type of questions in the exam paper and about how he structured his answers. Then two days ago, I tried to check his exam results on the internet so I could put him at ease, only to discover that he registered, but never attended university! I felt like such a fool! He had lied to me almost every day for 18 months. When I confronted him he came up with all sorts of excuses about not having enough money and that he had accidently registered for the wrong course so there was no more space for him at the university. I don’t really care about the excuses but the fact that he lied to me has hurt me very much. I felt that I could trust him and he always got angry with me if I ever doubted him. I feel like I won’t be able to trust anyone ever again. But at the same time I still love him very much and can’t imagine my life without him. Where do I go from here?

written by out of my mind mum, 18 July, 2007

I am in a relatively new marriage, 3 yrs. I have 2 kids a 13yr old girl and a younger son, to my former husband. And a 2 yr old to my new husband. My first husband was definitely a compulsive liar. He lied about everything. No matter how small a thing. Or is that pathological? I finally found out that he had been cheating on me, with a whole lot of people and also had approached 4 friends and my sister for sex. I have caught my new husband out on a few occasions, lying about how much he has spent on different things, and he exaggerated almost all of his accomplishments. He gets on the phone, and he always adds a bit to all of his stories, especially to his family. I have just let most of it go. I mean what can you do, and I love him. But this week everything changed. I feel so... I can’t describe it! I had a huge day on Monday, I actually went to work with him. We got a couple of bottles of wine on our way home. We came home had dinner and he got into the red wine, I had a small glass but am really off the alcohol at the moment, mainly because of him... I don’t like him when he drinks! So I figured lead by example. Anyway he polished off the bottle and had a third of another. I decided to go to bed. He came up to our room, and acted a bit weird, like he couldn’t figure out why I was going to bed. It was 10pm and it had been a big day, I was stuffed! There was just something about the way he was behaving I just didn’t like and it left me laying there stressing. Despite how tired I was I couldn’t sleep. I almost got up to say to talk to him, to make sure he was ok. Anyway at 11pm I heard my daughters double bed (which is really creaky) Really Creak! I thought to my self, I wonder if she is ok. Then I heard it again, it just didn’t sound right. You know... I’m her mum, and funnily enough, I know what the bed sounds like when she turn over, and when she gets out, and it didn’t sound right. I got up... I have a creaky bed too! I sneaked to my door... I didn’t know what to expect, I thought something was wrong with her, but I didn’t want to wake her up so I was being really quiet. As I got to her bedroom door, there was my husbands head peeking out around the corner of her doorway! I really controlled my self. Actually I think it was the fact that my heart had almost stopped and I could barely breath. I said to him, "What are you doing in her room?" He just looked at me..."Nothing" I repeated myself... He just couldn’t give me an explanation. I was feeling so angry, but so weird, so controlled I felt frightened.
I said why did you get in her bed? He said he didn’t! I said I heard the bed. He said did you see me in it. I said why were you in there, He said I go in there all the time. I said at 11pm at night when she is asleep?
I kept on repeating to him why were you in there? and why did he get in her bed? He just kept on saying I didn’t get in the bed. Then he said he just went in there and was talking to her. Then he said... go and ask her yourself. So I did. I asked her if she was ok... She said she was. I said what was Dad (the kids call him dad) doing in your room... she said I don’t know... she said he just came in and then laid on the bed next to her. I said, did he say anything to you? She said no, he didn’t say a word. She said it freaked her out. I was so angry, after reading your page today, I probably responded in the most useless way. I went straight back out there and said to him, "You lied to me! So obviously your reasons for being in her room were sinister... I want you to pack your bags and leave!" Well of cause he didn’t, I ended up saying to him after he followed me all over the house... (I didn’t and still don’t want to look at him,) that if he ever goes into her room again in that way I will consider it a direct threat and we are over. I said to him that it was totally inappropriate behaviour and I will not stand for it. He tried to tell me that he had no bad intentions. I said to him, I don’t trust any man with my daughter, who has consumed the amount of alcohol that he had. And seeing as he lied and he could not give me a reasonable explanation for his reasons for doing what he did, that I can’t trust him...
I feel so sick. That happened 4 days ago. I can’t look at him directly, I can’t touch him, I feel like I can’t trust him. If I love him, it is tucked away somewhere, cause I don’t feel anything nice about him.I know he didn’t touch her. But the question remains, what else has he done? Out side our home? What is the point of being in a relationship if you can’t believe a word of what the other says?
In the past 4 days, he hasn’t touched any alcohol... well not here at home anyway. Maybe, his own actions while being intoxicated have shocked him... or maybe getting found out! Perhaps my actions in response have shocked him. I don’t know... but it changed everything in about 30 seconds.
I would like to help him... I am not a quitter... but can I. Can he change?

written by The Silent Ninja, 19 July, 2007

I am no saint and I embrace all the faults and shortcomings of my humanity. One thing I do not do though is lie. I especially do not lie to the people I love and care about. Deceit and lies committed in darkness always come to light sooner or later so why even bother with all that wasted effort? Why not just be honest and upfront from the beginning especially with someone you profess your love for?

It astounds me and leaves me feeling like I have had the wind knocked out of me when ever it happens. As a result of being betrayed or of having an established trust violated I am left holding on to feelings of bitterness and resentment towards someone I love dearly. I can only take solace in the fact that I will not be lied to again by this person in my lifetime as we have gone our separate ways.

My personal belief is that the only thing of true value a person has in this world is their word. I have no respect and harbor the highest levels of disdain for liars and those who wreak havoc on the emotional well being of others. My thoughts and prayers go out to all those who have suffered injustice and emotional suffering at the hands of those who never deserved our love in the first place.

written by cant believe it, 19 July, 2007

Iv been sitting here doing research on a cl. Well basically b.c I meet this guy about 4 months ago, when i meet him he gave me a b.s story on how he just wants to meet someone have children & have a family. A couple weeks into it he confessed he has a son and was married, I was astonished b.c why didn’t he just tell me when we first meet. He later would say stories that were hard to believe from car accidents to where he went to who he knew or how he felt. And sometimes he says he wants to be with me but then he disappears. I stop seeing him for about 3 weeks and one day he calls me and tells me someone tried to rob him and he got shot and he was in the hospital & had gotten out. I would even talk to him on the phone and he would act like he was putting medication, or make noises as if it would hurt. When I visited him yesterday he has nothing. I pointed it out and told him he is a cl, he laughed. I asked why did he lie? And his response was because he wanted to see me. I told him I know he is a compulsive liar and I knew it from the beginning. I advised him it was ok... but man it really isn’t – I am so frustrated.

written by possible saint, 22 July, 2007

Dear readers,

After reading many of your comments I would like to air my views. I am a man.....and I might be a compulsive liar, but I love my ex girlfriend. I started with a change of name, then a change of nationality, then a change of family and every single event that related to my past.
I am not proud but I have been analyzing myself and people around me with regards to it.
To begin with I changed my name and background in order to get a better job. But after this success along with the success of an extended social network, my name and new background was to scarcely leave my side. I always attributed it to being a marketing tool; one that vindicated that some had problems with my name or background.
Truth is, I met some that were like me. Guys that were extrovert and extravagant with a large egos and this was for good reason. Most of these guys, like me, have poor family ties that are differing from their female counterparts.
Poor family relations or in a few cases I saw, no family ties, were large attributes to male lying. Women who have poor family ties tend to couple with a male partner that would look after them and tend to establish quick social networks via proxy.
Guys tend to be lonelier, disenfranchised, and emasculated, and some may feel that building a house of cards is the only way to experience respect and to be held in awe by those they love.
This is clear and expected as most house of cards or lies tend to be short term endeavors reflecting that most of the guy’s relationships were short lived and would not expect anything otherwise.

It is strange how much I have learned about myself and about people, but maybe these individuals should not be despised but pitied. Most have complexes, attributes of mental health unable to form or maintain relationships. One can compare these individuals to bed-ridden individuals that cannot help but be this way.

I am still trying to understand myself. I don not admit to be a saint, nor do I expect my ex to have me back, but I do feel that my inability to form lasting relationships without lying is a cause for concern that I feel I cannot address adequately without years and years of self analysis to do the many more years of bad foundations.

If you would like to email me, whether male or female then feel free. I would like to hear opinions about your experiences and how it relates to my written piece.

This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it

Ben

written by Worried and confused, 23 July, 2007

Hi I have been dating my now husband for four years and we have just got married. Over the years there have been a few minor lies and two major lies (about health issues not other women. Simple things like saying he quit smoking and then denying that he has gone back on them... denying it to the point of a huge row until I confront him with hard evidence and only then will he admit he lied, apologize, and say he won’t do it again etc., He has now just lied to me again about something so minor I don’t even know why he bothered. I’m beginning to worry that this is the shape of things to come, and as I am an honest person. I won’t be able to put up with this. It seems such a shame that our relationship could end over these lies. Is he a compulsive liar? I just don’t know yet. Any advice would be helpful, thanks

written by desperately seeking my husband, 26 July, 2007

It’s all well and good all this advice to leave your CL but what if the one thing you are sure of is his love for you? I cry most of the time these days and he knows it and it kills him because he knows it is his fault, but he also knows he can’t stop. To leave him would destroy him and my daughter, but staying is breaking me. Just read some research saying that CL’s have too much white matter in their brains how do you punish somebody you love for being mentally challenged? Where is the fair solution? The one that does not hurt everybody in the family of lies? Please help.

written by distressed, 27 July, 2007

I met the love of my life over a year ago. I have 3 kids and he was all we have needed and wanted. We were dating for 2 mouths and we fell in love from day one. He had two jobs one everyday job and one where he received a check once a month for a good amount of money. We were already making plans. He told me he bought me a ring. Told me to schedule a vacation from work because he had a grandmother whom bought us a cruise. I scheduled my vacation. Two weeks later he was pulled over for the reg being out on the truck in front of my parents house they took him to jail because he was on probation and it had been revoked. (I knew nothing about it being revoked but did know he was on probation for something long ago, just one of those stupid party things)Anyway he was in jail for one month. They let him out and told him he had to go to a rehab for 6 months and that he had to leave in 6 months for it. We were talking of buying a home before he left. He said he was moving his money to go into my account. That way we would be ok with the home while he was away (the money he gets every month residually). We searched hard for out house finally found a perfect home took the kids let them pick out their rooms and my parents and our friends too see it. We signed on the contract and it went off. When it was time for his money to come in for the month we were to put it on the deposit, he had told me he set it up to go to my account. Didn’t come.So then he told me he got the check and took it and deposited it into the bank.That day he got very sick with a vary rare illness that he had as a child(one that cannot be proven)so I took off work and stayed with him in the hospital for an entire week. He sent me to the bank to talk to them about it said they have lost his money. No deposit was made. He didn’t have that job nor did he have the other one. He actually pretended to go to work every day the whole time we were together and he would walk around and sit at parks and such until time to get off. He had just switched jobs and was currently working with his brother-in-law. So his brother-in-law knew I was upset and came and talked to me he is the one who told me it was all lies. He said that he has lied his whole life. So canceled on the house and started over looking for one a bit less expensive. I didn’t just leave because I truly loved him. So, then I wanted him to prove the cruise and the ring with tickets and receipts, he tried, all lies. There was no ring or cruise.I loved him and decided we would get past it. We bought a home last year and I put up with many lies since. Not anything huge just kept catching him in lie after lie. Things that don’t even matter and some that really did. Telling me every time I will never lie to you again I love you and you will never hear me say these words again Please forgive me that is all the lies.He called me on my b-day and told me they canceled his rehab and he didn’t have to go. Yeah. Our lives are just perfect, he is the greatest gift to my kids and they love him so much and call him daddy. I have never loved someone so much in all my life, he is the perfect "husband" in every way. We have a perfectly happy normal family life, he works hard I work had every evening and weekend is spent together and perfect. For 5 months I went without catching him in any lies and he asked me to marry him. We planned a beautiful wedding my first actual wedding and supposedly his too (still don’t know if that is true). Then we left for our honeymoon. On the 3rd day of our honeymoon we came in late and their were phone calls from my parents and the police where we live. So called mom and she stated that the police stated that his wife was in the police dept filing bigamy charges on him because he is still married to her (she saw our engagement in the paper). He had told me they were divorced. They have not even seen each other in 2 years. He called the police and stated he would bring the paperwork to them as soon as our plane landed. So our honeymoon was really kinda ruined because after all his other lies I didn’t know what to believe. We landed back home went straight to the courthouse to get his divorce papers that did not exist. The police said she did not pay her lawyer the money she owed her so the final paperwork was never filed. Great. Then they arrested him that day because his probation was revoked. I called his po for the first time to find out for myself and he told me he was suppose to go to that rehab never showed up and had not reported in over 8 months. So there I sit in our home with my wedding dress laying on the floor and all our wedding stuff all over the place. I had never been more devastated in my life as I was that day. A week later I bailed him out and here I sit. Today threw me off because when I went to make his lunch his pizza from yesterday’s lunch was still in there just a small tiny lie but he told me he ate it...

written by Nada, 10 August, 2007

This is the first time I have visited this site. Unfortunately, I am married to a CL. He portrays himself to be a college graduate, Army hero, rich, a famous pitcher, an honor student, etc. When we married, he stated that his mother had passed away and he needed to go to Spokane for her funeral. Well, on June 18th, he received a letter from his parents...That’s right, she’s alive. He stated that he didn’t get along with his Dad and never wrote him; neither did his dad write. I am starting to see what the problem in his family is. He has a twin brother that I believe is an enabler. The whole time I was under the impression that his mother was dead, the twin played along and didn’t tell me different. This clued me in that this problem has been around for a long time and it has caused many griefs in the family. It is now taking a tole on our marriage. I’m not sure what to believe from him anymore. I am looking into seeking legal advice as to how to get out without damaging my life more.

written by gells, 17 August, 2007

I recently opened my eyes when I just settled down and realized that half of what is coming out of his mouth is a lie. Its very sad because he always tries to apologize and make it ok. I always say just forget about it because I’ve become a very passive person and I hate to argue. He’s a great father, the only horrible thing is that I realized and become a permanent doormat after I married him.

written by KM, 22 August, 2007

I’ve read much of these posts and see many are just a few years into their relationships. I am 14 years into a marriage with 2 sweet kids and just came to the realization my mate is a CL. He does not boast or create unusual situations so he’s been hard to detect- most his lies cover up his insecurities and bad habits.
Is this a treatable situation or should I prepare for divorce? Please advise of treatment, support groups or reputable counselors.

written by written by TT, august 22, 2007, 22 August, 2007

I must say my situation is one of a kind. I had been dating my then boyfriend for about six years when he told me he was diagnosed with Leukemia in 2002. It has been absolute hell. I ended up moving in with him to take care of him. I quit my job to take care of him. I also have a son that was put through this horrible nightmare. Yes, he was sick throw up sick for about 2 years. He talked me into marrying him in April because he was going to die and that was a last wish. Well in April, 2007 he went into cardiac arrest and was hospitalized for 3 weeks. I found out he canceled his health insurance and doesn’t have cancer. He physically and mentally destroyed his life, my life, and my sons life. He continues to lie. Fed up!!

written by Broken Hearted, 23 August, 2007

I have been married for three years. We lived together for 2 years before getting married. You would think after 5 years of living with someone, you would know them. Unfortunately, I feel like I have been married to a stranger. As I read all of your posts, the charming, funny, witty people you describe could be my husband. He never told extremely extravagant lies *that I am aware of* and I was recently blind sided by the truth. I discovered him having an affair, which he denied even when I had the truth. He finally admitted to it. And said it was caused because he felt lonely and depressed. He has since spiraled into a deep depression with severe anxiety problems. He cuts himself. I had to call 911 one night and he was hospitalized for a week in a psych hospital. When he came out, he told me he had cut himself for almost a whole year and he had never been happy in our marriage. I thought he was happy, he acted! like he was happy and everything was fine and he was loving. But in reality, he says he doesn’t know who he is and why he has lied. He apologized profusely and said he wasn’t going to lie to me again. Just the other week, I saw on our bank statement that he had lied to me about movie tickets and concert tickets and where he had been recently. I discovered he had been lying to me DAILY. When I confronted him, he at first denied it. I don’t think I got the whole truth but he admitted to lying about things to me still. He admitted he lies to everyone about everything, about whether he had pork or beef for lunch or how he slept the night before. We have been separated for a month now. He won’t get the treatment he needs for his mental health issues. He tells me he will just lie to the doctor. His cutting is escalating. Although I can see the cuts on him he says everything is okay. He is returning to work with the woman he had the affair with next week. He professes his love for me, and says how he wants to be there for me. I feel anger and betrayal. I have told him I would divorce him if he didn’t change jobs. He has ignored it...I still really love him. At least I think I love him. I love the man I married. But now I don’t know if that man exists. I don’t know what parts of our history are truth, and what parts are some marvelous fiction he sold me on that I thought was the truth. He wrote me love letters, brought me flowers, knew what I was thinking before I said it.... I felt a deep, soulful connection. How do I move on from this? Is there love out there that is honest and true? How can you protect yourself from being defrauded or deceived. I never knew. I never knew. I felt so stupid. And so worthless. How do you pick yourself up? Even now, he cries to me about how he wants to be friends or wants me to be like a sister to him in the future. I have spent 5 years with this man, a fifth of my life. I felt like he was my best friend. How do you give that up? Has anyone successfully moved on from a longterm relationship with a compulsive liar to have a true, honest, open relationship with someone else? How did you let go? And how did you learn to trust again?

written by Broken Hearted, 23 August, 2007

This is for out of your mind mum:

RUN!! As fast as you can. You need to get your daughter out of that environment. If he was in her bed, it is entirely inexcusable. Your first thought should be protect your children. It sounds like it is. Something I have learned from my lying husband is if it does not feel right, IT IS NOT RIGHT. TRUST YOURSELF. IF something happens to your daughter, and you could have prevented it by leaving or making him leave, you will be unable to forgive yourself. Get him away from your daughter.

written by Kathryne, 25 August, 2007

I am a newbie to this forum. Has anyone else noted that many of these CLs have long term jobs that are away from home? Is that a running thing? Is that an opportunity to get away to cheat and still have a spouse at home? Please tell me the psychology of CL, specifically. Recently got involved with one but quickly got out, and wondering now if I should approach his wife of 3 years to ask if she is aware of what he is doing. Surely she must know? There are 2 young children in that house.

written by RG, victim no more., 28 August, 2007

To all my kindred sisters and brothers who are still IN these sick and twisted relationships....

As I understand it, CLs usually have had some weird or deprived upbringing. Case in point... my recent ex always had a very violent reaction whenever I would say "I was disappointed in her" or in something she did. Her mother would tell her that frequently as a child. So she became whatever her mother expected and even lied to keep up the facade. I met her some months after her parents told her that they did not want to see or hear from her again. Devastating news for someone who was under her mother’s control for so many years. I recall that during 2 bad arguments we had she "offed" her mother and father separately. She was losing control of the argument so she told me that each one had died. One in February and the other about 6 weeks later. Of course the disagreement stopped immediately and she regained control when my anger deflated.

I also met her online. I am 16 years older and live 2000 miles away from her. Couldn’t be more perfect... for her. Because our "courtship" was by phone for the first few weeks I am not certain when the lies started. My CL is also bright, charming, beautiful and undeniably creative. Unfortunately, her creative energy is used in developing elaborate, colorful stories with which to entertain me for hours and hours over the phone. My girl was looking for a parental substitute and she found one in me. After I allowed her to alienate me from most of my friends, one suggested I start doing some research on some of the clues she left behind.

I have also learned that CLs have an irrational fear of losing control and believe that by lying they delude themselves into thinking that they have control of themselves and others in their lives.

I had an "AHA" moment the other day; I was reading a book about seeking approval in love relationships. To paraphrase it said that when a person fabricates who they are in a relationship they can never really bring themselves to believe that you love them no matter what you do or how many times you say it. All they can think about is "would you still love me if you knew the real me?" The person they’ve presented doesn’t really exist.

I got conformation from a family member that I tracked down on the internet. He was very quiet when I confronted him about my CL’s lying capabilities but his silence spoke volumes. She is indeed quite ill and has been carrying on this way for many years. The thing is... she believes her lies... all of them. I don’t know if there is help for her. My concern is for me and why I stayed as long as I did, forgave her and kept coming back for more.

It cost me self-respect as well as the respect of others, friendships, money... lots! of money, precious time and my serenity. She was on my mind AND in my heart so much so that there was no room for anything or anyone else. Many of you victims who wonder why you stay, why you feel COMPELLED to stay, should be asking yourself where the nearest CO-dependant No More meeting is being held. Our CLs are not the only addicts in these relationships. WE are ADDICTED TO THEM. Like alcoholics, they are also cunning, powerful and baffling. It is not our job to cure them, only to take care of ourselves by cutting our losses and getting out of a relationship that has nowhere to go but down. If they lie to their therapists and call US stalkers when we confront them with their lies what are we to do... REALLY?

I am glad that I found this site and that I had a chance to write to all of you still suffering in your relationships. My CL broke up with me recently but still calls now and then for the validation and the attention she knows I will give her. NO MORE! I will forgive her and pray for her and get on with everything that I have been putting off grieving for her loss.

I am not a professional therapist or pretend to know everything there is to know about compulsive/pathological liars. But I have done my homework which led me to this site.

I hope my comments have been helpful and look forward to any response or questions you may have. God help us all.

written by boggled28, 13 September, 2007

Man! Reading these comments I feel like you all must be dating the same exact man that I am! It was so comforting to read these stories, because I was seriously starting to think that I was crazy. Its been 3yrs now... and I’ve been lied to about his age, where he works, other women, finding out that he doesn’t own his home, doesn’t have the college degree’s he claimed to have, also claimed he was a college football star... all lies! The worst part of it all... I’m now pregnant by this man... another lie he told me that he desperately wanted to start a family, and how wonderful it would be. Now that I’m pregnant... he has a whole different story. Now he is saying the exact opposite of everything he has been saying about wanting a child! But, I should have known better than to get myself in this situation. I left him once when I found out about all the lies, and took him back after 4 months of him pleading that he would change. Boy I feel like I’m in the twilight zone!

written by asking for strength, 01 October, 2007

I think the worst thing to do is to blame ourselves. It’s not something that anyone would willingly ask for in a relationship – please, lie to me baby, take my self-worth and dance on it! If it happens to be an attraction that evolves out of the unconscious process, well then that’s all from our learned behaviors as we were growing up. I am coming to terms with this currently, and it’s awful.

I am currently dating/not dating a man off and on for three years, and I’m finding out about so many lies, that I just am lost. I feel like I’ve given up on myself, and although it’s only been twenty four hours that I haven’t spoken to him, I long to hear his voice, to have him hold me. It’s so completely twisted. I am so strong and intelligent in other aspects of my life, except emotional ones; I am obviously broken. What do I do? He has a way of turning the situation around on me, blaming me for asking him questions, or confronting him with information that I find, and pulls away, only to make me run back to him – It’s sick. I guess realizing it is some sort of step in the right direction, but I’m quite depressed. I’ve withdrawn from friends at the risk of having to discuss my relationship and having the damn brake; only to not know how to clean up the flood. If my friends knew how bad things were for me, they would be in shock – I hide things well.
It sucks even more, because I know I’m smarter than he is! He is just an expert at manipulating the situation to his advantage, and I’m too damn nice to fight back. There have been so many women he’s been with behind my back that it’s sickening. All of this at a time when my mother was dying. I think that’s the problem, I lost my mother and grandmother within 9 months of each other, and it was completely tragic. I am 32, and my mother died when I was 30-turning 31. It’s a fresh wound, I watched her die, and I don’t think I will ever get that image out of my mind. To hold a parent’s hand when they die is just so unnatural when we were both so young – so...

I think what I am saying here is that my unhealthy attachment came at a time where I was most vulnerable, and now I’m floundering on the hook out of water. The person I was before my mother’s death might have entertained a bit of this crap, but not to the extent of what I’ve been put through recently.

I just have to grab the courage to leave, and to keep telling myself that is this really where I deserve to be? Always wondering, always questioning, always feeling insecure?

Aside from feeling pathetic, I feel spent. My brain hurts as much as my heart does when I think about all the things I’ve put up with to still be in this position – miserable. I guess I thought that by allowing him to behave the way he did, we would some day be happy, I know now it will never happen.

Thanks for letting me vent – I wish you all strength and peace along your journey – and never accuse yourself of doing something wrong, we are the victims – it’s not our fault.

written by Confusion-less, 01 October, 2007

Oh my goodness girls! I wish I would have read these blogs a couple of years ago to realize I wasn’t the only one out there. My ex boyfriend was a compulsive liar. He even told me this when we first met but I took it as a joke. He lied about being an actor in a couple of movies(which I watched later and he wasn’t in there), he told me he was going away because he wanted to go to rehab for rebound coke problem that I had no idea about (which wasn’t the case. I found out he was cheating on me instead). So those are just a few examples of someone needing MEGA attention in the strangest of ways. I was with this man for 2 1/2 years going through emotional headaches, heart crushing lies and ALWAYS hoped that this man would change. I guess because somehow somewhere I decided to lose myself in all of that drama. I started to think his lies were my fault and it’s hard to leave somebody when you have made that person your ground yah know? In fact, I began to think I was a lunatic because he seemed to forget what his first lie was then the next lie would change drastically soooooo it was hard to keep up with what was actually going on. Do NOT get down on yourself! The other person is doing this to YOU! You are NOT doing this to yourself. No way. I bet you weren’t this emotionally confused before you met this kind of person. It’s not worth being in a relationship that you can’t trust, because in a relationship, trust and love is the only thing you have. I remember when I got out of big huge relationship mess I almost felt like I was brainwashed and everything seemed like it wasn’t really happening. hahaha crazy I know. But I almost started to believe everyone was lying to me. I didn’t want to get out because for some dumb reason I thought I wouldn’t be able to find anyone else. Then I realized there are actually other single men in this world. Don’t stick with him girls. This happened to a good friend of mine as well and we both agreed that these kind of people are a waste of your relationship time. You could be having the time of your life with someone else that treats you amazing. In fact, just to prove this theory... I found the person I was looking for my whole life 3 months later
Whew I think I wrote too much. I care for you girls here though because I KNOW how much it hurts!

written by What about BOB?, 01 October, 2007

I have read all of the comments and I too, finally see the light. I have been involved in a relationship for almost 4 years. It moved so fast, which is why I was so slow to see the real deal. We met at a very vulnerable point in my life. I was just getting back to work after being out of work for almost a year. We met at the new job. It was like love at first site. Within 6 months she had moved in with me. She was already telling me she loved me after the first month. She said all the right things and treated me the way I thought I deserved to be treated. I knew something was wrong when we first argued, I thought over something so trivial. She locked herself in the bathroom for hours until she finally came out. Then, she tried not speaking to me for 3 days straight, living in the same house. Now I see that all along the lies just started getting worse and worse. I would hear her lying to her family and friends on the phone, but up until then she had been completely honest with me, or so I thought. I have always subscribed to the belief that once a person lies to others, it won’t be long until they lie to you. I was right!!!It was not until the past year when all of the lies started coming to a head. First, she had an affair. Not only that, but she got pregnant too. She claimed that in the beginning we both agreed not to be exclusive- Lie #1. I never said anything like that. Lie #2- She told me that her connection to the father of the child was strictly platonic- Right.. She ended up losing the baby, and then spiraled into lots of sexual romps with God knows whom. At that point, I cut the sex off. However, that just made me the bad guy. I am financially ruined because of my unwillingness to say no to her. It was not until the lies just became so repetitive, even about the smallest thing. Its funny, she requires full disclosure from me, but when I ask her for the truth, I get, "HUH? What? Who? and then she tries to make it my fault for catching her in a lie. I laugh, but it really is not funny. As much as I despise the lies she has told me, I do want her to seek some help. I want her out of my house, but she has NO place else to go. What can I do?

written by Anonymous, 01 October, 2007

I dated a guy for 1.5 years. We didn’t know each other previously, but we talked a lot, and just decided to date. Going into the relationship, I had no previous knowledge of what he was like. After about 2 month into the relationship, I noticed he was an avid flirter. He flirted with every girl he talked to. Sometimes to an extreme that frightened me. I thought maybe he would leave me for someone else. When I asked him about what I saw, he wouldn’t admit to anything. He told me that it meant nothing, and that I was the one he wanted to be with. I tried to let it roll off my back, but it bothered me. I never flirted, I didn’t see why he felt the need to. A month later, it was still going on. I finally became so fed up that I told him it was becoming a big issue with me. He refused to talk about it. He finally admitted that he was a big flirt, but that he wasn’t going to stop. I just accepted it, and moved on. Throughout the summer, I began to notice the little things he lied about. With that, came manipulation. He would convince me to do things for him, or steal money for him. Around then, his true colors came through. He had a horrible temper. We would constantly fight about anything and everything. He would yell at me for not doing something, or saying something, or being friends with someone. Out of fear, I just did whatever he wanted. I stopped being friends with people, I became distant with my family and spent all my time with him. Don’t get me wrong, when he wanted to, he could be the sweetest guy in the world. He treated me good when he allowed himself to. I told everyone of what was going on, and everyone told me to just leave him, but I couldn’t. I was in love with him, regardless. Things became worse when we got into a fight one night and he threw me into the wall. But, I still stayed with him. He also had told girls he flirted with that he wanted to break up with me for them. I did everything for him. I gave him everything I had. We finally broke up in May. He told me he wasn’t sure if he wanted to be friends still. I took the break up really hard because I had given him everything and I just felt used. We remained in contact until now. He recently saw this girl who lives 2 hours away. He went to see her almost every week, with money I gave him. He also lied to me about everything he did when he went to see her. I found out that they had slept together and that he had bought he drugs. And my reliable source, was her. But when I asked about what I heard, he flipped out and told me that if I didn’t believe him, he was going to kill himself. He begged and pleaded and cried his eyes out. Ever since then, it’s gotten worse. We’re currently working towards getting back together. I don’t know why, but I can’t seem to get away from him. He guilts me into everything. He tells me I don’t pay enough attention to him, even though I base all my decisions on what he would think. I don’t do anything without wondering how he’ll react. I don’t know what to do. We fight all the time, and I never win. He lies to me constantly and I don’t know why. He goes out of his way to make sure I believe him. He has big freak outs and threatens to kill himself. I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t believe a word he says. but I always tell him I believe him. He’s mentally and emotionally abused me to the point where I’m afraid of what he’s capable of. He’s threatened to leak personal information about me to everyone and destroy my life.

What do I do now?

written by lindanne, 03 October, 2007

My problem with my husband of 7 yrs is his continual lying about drug use. When we married, I knew he smoked pot occasionally. I didn’t know he was an occasional crack cocaine user. Every time I find pot or rolling papers or see large withdrawals from our bank account, I confront him & he lies. Sometimes he will eventually tell the truth. One of the main problems is that he almost always buys drugs from women. One of them he had a drug buying relationship with for over a year which I finally tracked down thru his cell phone records. I am relatively certain there is no sex involved, but of course how can I be sure – there are always women out there who are willing to give oral sex to a man who has money to buy them drugs. He is home every night but there are occasional (monthly) unexplained phone calls. Every time I find paraphernalia, he claims it was from a long time ago & he hasn’t used in "ages". I have suggested counseling, but he says if the counselor brings up anything "from the past", which to him means anything longer ago than yesterday, he will walk out. At this point, and since he refuses to discuss anything he has done with me (I figure I know about 50% of what he’s done), I feel I will never be able to trust him again. I also feel my love for him dying quickly. Any suggestions on how to make him open up, admit what he has done, what has happened with the women involved, etc., or is this a lost cause.

written by FallenAngel, 03 October, 2007

I can related to all of you. When you are dealing with a compulsive liar, there is no way to win. I have caught my boyfriend lying red-handedly, but even then he keeps denying. Even though he got caught completely red-handedly and the facts are all in front of him, he still keeps sticking to the lies. Get out, run as far as you can. I have dealt with him for over three and a half years, and I have finally found the strength to end it. Don’t even think you can change him or her. You won’t be able to change them. They just try to make you the bad guy. They will call you crazy and they will try to convince you that you are the one who is overreacting or imagining things. I do not think they even realize that they are lying. I think my ex boyfriend actually believed his own lies sometimes. They do not feel remorse like normal people when they lie. They justify their lying so much that everything becomes your fault. Get out and quickly before you are stepped onto the ground.

written by FallenAngel, 04 October, 2007

I know I have already posted a message on here yesterday, but I came back to this blog. Reading what other people are posting here actually gives me strength. I have been feeling depressed and I felt like everything was my fault. Even when I found out that my ex bf was yet again lying to me, he somehow managed to make me feel like a bad person. When I caught him on his lie, he kept insisting that he was not lying, and he insisted that I was the one who misunderstood. He constantly tried to make me feel guilty and bad when I have asked him questions ( because I often found inconsistency in his stories), and I was about to start to feel like I was the crazy one. I am glad that I found this blog. When I feel in doubt, I come here and read what others are posting. I do not know if I ever will be able to trust another man. I feel beaten up emotionally, and I also feel used. I am depressed and lonely, but I keep telling myself that I have done the right thing by ending the three and half years of hell. I sincerely hope that all of you out there will be ok and find the happiness you all deserve.

written by Smiley, 05 October, 2007

I can relate to each one of you. I have been dating a great guy, or so I thought for almost two years. A month into our relationship he lied to me for the first time. I was asked to enjoy my evening at home while he went on saying that he and the guys have so called "guys Christmas party" since they had established some kind of boys club. Anyways, I was invited to spend NY at his friends place and after taking many pictures with his camera I went on to see them, going on backwards on his camera I found pictures that I never wanted to see. Girls dancing, stripping their clothes off with the date on the bottom indicating the date that the ‘guys party’ was happening. He admitted to lying to me. I forgave him and went on with our relationship not thinking much of it since it was only a month into our relationship and we weren’t ‘that’ serious yet... so I thought it was forgivable. January comes and I find out two more lies similar in context. I talked to him about it and he promised not to lie again. My trust from then on started to deteriorate... I became more suspicious and looked into ever behavior or act of his into more detail, hoping that he is not lying. At that time my behavior changed towards him and I started questioning his every move etc. I have more likely become like an obsessed gf. My bf joins all these hockey pools, either at work or with his other friends and lies to me about them (a lie i just found out yesterday). He lies about about the silliest things... like that there are no women on these pools... etc., which if he told me the truth about I would not get upset. When he lies I obviously have a reason to get upset – so I believe. We talked about our future, but now I have no idea where else to turn. My personality I feel has changed in a negative way towards being more suspicious or jealous. Contrary to my past relationship of 8 years I had never ever been jealous before. Re jealousy I know I can change now because I realized that I can do much better than having a liar in my life, and this goes to all of you out there... but my question is what to do in a case where I deeply love this guy and want to make it work? I thought of therapy and everything. It all seems to me so silly that actually all these little lies can have such a major impact on a relationship.

written by moontree, 06 October, 2007

I hope that your problem has been solved by now. If not, I guess it’s a good way to bring up the topic with him directly. Whether this will anger him or not, I think it shouldn’t be put into much consideration anymore, as you’re to understand this person and whether he’ll change his ways of lying to mend your relationship. I think this is a good way to avoid yourself by wasting time with him anymore, if you’re never going to accept him for how he is and he’s never going to change to suit your preference. I once had a 3 years relationship with a guy who’s constantly lying about basically everything as well. We used to fight everyday just on issues of trust and truth. At last I ended the relationship because I can’t take it anymore. Liars are difficult to deal with, mostly because they don’t think they’re lying, they think that they just didn’t tell ‘everything’ or forgot about the ‘details’. Another thing that liars drive me nuts is that they always think you’re overacting to their small lies, so you’re the one with a problematic personality. I wish you good luck in your relationship!

written by Smiley, 09 October, 2007

I wanted to thank you for your reply to my post. I had a talk with my ‘liar’ bf and he said the reason he was lying was because he was afraid of telling the truth, that I might get upset. So what I don’t understand is that he’d rather lie and let me find the truth later and that he was lying – instead of telling the truth from the beginning?? Guys think they get away with many lies and once they do – they will take a chance thinking that maybe we won’t find out this time! What they don’t know is that we actually are smarter than they think we are, because we have our ways of finding stuff out anyways. The bottom line girls is! We win either way... I noticed that when my bf lies and I act tough like I don’t care; do my own thing with gf(s)(like I did this weekend), go out and be more secretive instead of expressing myself like I always did...he in turn becomes more open which hopefully will make him to lie less (?) Girls – We are too devoted and too open. I know this from my personality...maybe I am mistaken and maybe it is just me, but I think this is what might make my relationship work; to act like like you don’t care as much as you do...let him run around and maybe that way change to become the open one instead. I will keep you posted if that works for me – I believe in my strength and all of yours as well. Good Luck to All of you! If my bf cheated etc. I would leave but because he lies about the silliest things and told me he understands that there are no reasons to lie, I will try to make it work. We all deserve the best! I am keeping my fingers crossed for all of us!

written by MJ GOT OUT, 25 October, 2007

How to get out:
These stories are me just a few years ago. This man always said the right words. Cunning. Charming. He worked for his father’s company... he was working in the shop (a tarp thrown over a fence enclosed area. The "office" was a tiny room with a computer. I overlooked ALL of that. So he sugar coated things, he had such a way with words and wanted to maintain his dignity. BULL! This was only the beginning.
Eventually he was out of work... told me he was looking for a job. The internet history told me what he was looking for and it wasn’t a job.
He lied about how much he drank, but by the empty beer cans I found hidden I assumed he was just an alcoholic. I was wrong. It was much more than that.
While I was at work one day, he conned some girl online to call his cell phone. Long story short, he denied it ever happened... so convincingly that I began to doubt what I saw with my own eyes. Until I saw the cell phone bill and the incoming call log. It was her number. I left.
Even when he claimed he was trying to work things out with me... he would take things that I told him and repeat them to others... trying to woo them. This guy was unbelievable.
It takes a while to get your dignity back after you have been taken advantage of and get to the point where you question yourself because they’re so convincing.
Look up Narcissist.
The longer you stay, the more brainwashed you become. NOTHING is worth THAT. GET OUT. SAVE YOURSELF. YOU DESERVE BETTER!!!!!
GOOD LUCK! DON’T LET YOUR HEART KEEP YOU INVOLVED WITH THIS LIAR. TAKE CARE OF YOU!

written by Shakela, 25 October, 2007

I dated a guy for a year that was a compulsive liar. My life was absolute hell.

written by teresa, October 27,2007, 27 October, 2007

I am going through the compulsive lying you all are talking about too. I just yesterday found out the truth about something and am having a hard time dealing with how to approach him with it. We have been together for almost two years and I am seeing now that it will probably not go any farther than dating. I love him so I am torn on what to do at this point but after reading these comments I am a little bit clearer on how to handle this situation. thanks for the advice

written by Kaitlyn, 27 October, 2007

Where to start I am not sure, but just being able to type this will make me feel better.

I have been with my fiancee for 3 years 4 months. We recently bought a home with my parents. (I can hear the moans now)

My fiancee and I met online. It was a weird time in my life. I have only slept two men. The first when I was 19 and nothing until my fiancee. I wasn’t asked out at all etc., and felt it was because of an air I had about myself. So I thought I would meet someone online and have sex, since it had been so long and hopefully change my "air".

I recently discovered he still obtains the email account he used for the dating websites. Confronted him on that first denied then admitted. Then I discovered one I had never heard before. Let’s just say not appropriate for someone engaged. Then just a few hours ago, thought I would go back into the dating website we met through. He has two profiles still there last accessed September this year.

I am not sure what to do. Well I am but now I need to take my parents into consideration. Should I confront him now? Leave it until I know what we can do about the house? I am currently working temp full time and would never be able to get a mortgage myself.

I have to admit I am torn. We spend a majority of our time together. We drive to and from work together although I work at a very large place, several buildings, and I don’t seem him through the day. Outside of that we are together pretty much all of the time although daytime meetings for him aren’t out of the question.

I am not crying right now which is odd for me. If anyone has any suggestions I would love to hear them.

K

written by Dr. J. Myers, 02 November, 2007

Hey guys. I’ve been reading a lot on this website and it really hurts me to see all of you in situations like this. I know how hard it is to get out. I’m a psychiatrist and my husband is a compulsive liar. I can preach about how important it is to get out of the relationship time and time again, but at the end of the day I’m second guessing every word my own husband says. He recently came clean about a few things he did and lied about (he went to the beach without me last year, which was one of our plans, and he made an adult friend finder profile with one of his friends ‘for fun’) I keep telling myself he’ll change because he’s been promising me he’ll never lie again, but if he does, I’m out. I feel sorry for him in a way because he’s bipolar, but I deal with bipolar people everyday and I know all too well it can be controlled. I feel your pain.

written by MO, 04 November, 2007

At this point, our stories all sound the same. I have been in a "committed" relationship with a man for the past 3 years. No, fortunately, cheating was not an issue. He just seems to lie about stupid, little stuff. Like the other night, he took some take out food from my frig and a box of laundry soap. When I asked him about these things, he just blows me off like I’m crazy. On a distinct gut feeling, I went to his place to check his frig. No, the food was not there...but it was in the garbage can! We went away last weekend and I dropped a direct hint when I told him he better make sure he put his garbage out so it didn’t stink up his place! You should have seen how irate he got, yet continues to deny the food issue. What can you make of such small lies? Well, I must add that over this 3 year period, a new digital camera and money on 3 different occasions have turned up missing!

written by AT, 07 November, 2007

The man I am currently with and love so much is a compulsive liar. He lies about little stupid things, adding to stories including making up stories just to make his story more colorful. It doesn’t make sense to me. I’ve been doing research on how to confront a compulsive liar and they all say different things. I am going to confront him TODAY. I can no longer take it. This is destroying my trust in him... and I wonder why his mother has not said anything about this to me... I know she knows he lies, but maybe she doesn’t think it’s a big deal. He says I am the best thing that has ever happened to him, so I hope I am enough to help him to change because this lying... over dumb s**t, is, to tell the truth... getting on my nerves!

written by what to do?, 09 November, 2007

Ok I read almost everyone of these and this just seems like the most bazaar thing! I know my boyfriend has a problem with lies so I started researching. I had no idea how serious and common this is problem with lying is! I’m 18 in college and I have previously dated my boyfriend – broke up with him because of the lies and stayed close friends with him. Like an idiot I just recently got back with him. I really do love him and worry that he is hurting himself with the way he lives. He believes his own lies, I don’t think he even knows the truth. I don’t know what to do. I want to stay faithful and true to him but by reading all these comments I worry about my own sanity. I want to help but what can I possibly do if I don’t know whats true or not??? I do love him and I feel he loves me. But I’m so scared that maybe I’m just another one of his many stories... is our love a lie? That he doesn’t even know?

written by RECOVERING COMPULSIVE LIAR, 30 November, 2007

I say recovering because to be truthful it can be a lot like having cancer. Every time you think you are in remission you come to the realization that you are just as sick as you were before if not worse. First thing I would like to state for anyone who can manage to find their way to my post in the middle of all this melodrama that I am a woman. From most of the posts above people may get the stereotype idea that more men are compulsive liars than women. Personally I just think men are worse at telling believable or easy to hide later on lies. :- I have been lying most of my life and when you do that it comes to a point where you really don’t know the real truths of your life. Things you think might be true turn out to be false and things that you thought were false turn out to be true. I’ve been through some counseling... This is where I first came to the realization of what I was doing. Compulsive liars DO NOT plan most of their lies... They just sort of come out. Then, because you don’t know what else to do... and because, being a liar you don’t want people to realize you are a liar, you continue with the same lie and hope it doesn’t spread to too many people. You become expert at knowing what you might have told to which type of person. Lying does not seem like lying to you any more... it becomes a protection. If anyone knew the full truth about you you would become vulnerable to that person. Which to me was one of my biggest fears. Its like when the Native American thought (some still believe this) that by taking their pictures you would steal their souls. Its not that I didn’t want to be honest, that was just something I couldn’t imagine doing. I feared that by being honest I wouldn’t be interesting enough for friends. Lies kept my life together. I am now in a relationship with a man that I love more than I ever imagined I would and I find it extremely difficult not to lie to him. Sometimes I do. The best I can do to rectify myself is to admit to that lie to him later on. He understands that I am a compulsive liar but I know he still has difficulties with it. He has a hard time trusting me all the time knowing that at any moment I might be lying to him about something. Personally I feel horrible about it but I really am doing the best I can. More recently I have become pregnant. The poor guy, he tried to believe that I wasn’t lying to him and that I really was pregnant like I told him but I could tell that the real possibility of what I have been telling, him even being on prenatal vitamin’s, didn’t really hit him as truth until yesterday when we went to my first gyn./obst. appointment and he saw the heart beat of our first child on the computer screen during my ultrasound. I don’t lie about big things anymore... I used to but I don’t anymore. I don’t like about my feelings for ppl, anything tragic, or anything as life changing as being pregnant but the ppl in my life who knew me when I did find it very difficult to believe that. I must admit that I still lie about little things almost regularly though. I am working on it and doing the best I can to stop but it is a very very addicting behavior that I know I can’t break very easily or quickly and I know I need the support of my friends and family to handle it.

written by lost and confused, 23 December, 2007

Oh my gosh... I have been sitting here reading all of this and I am amazed to hear that other people are dealing with the exact same issues that I am. My boyfriend is a compulsive liar and it is driving me crazy. I was just TDO’d (temporary detainment order) to a psychiatric hospital around two weeks ago because dealing with the lies is so overwhelming that I’m having trouble finding the will to even live trough it. I can’t handle it. I fell worthless, empty, hopeless, powerless, and it is all coming from him. He lies about everything, he lies about nothing. I’ve been confronted so many times by the people around us about his lies. People think that I can do something about it and I can’t. I feel like he has tied a bolder around his leg, jumped in the sea, and is pulling me under with him. And he wont let go. No matter how much I plead with him he just won’t let go. We have a child together and he uses that as a lock and chain to keep me. He surrounds me with his lies, they rain down on me 24/7 and I am drowning. I just don’t know what to do. Why does he lie about nothing? Why does he always stretch the truth and why do I let him do it? I can’t find the words to express the seriousness of the situation. I am so frustrated with it all! Everyone keeps telling me to leave but I just don’t know how.

written by bornYesterday, 29 December, 2007

I was online trying to understand whats going on with my bf for 6 months then this link popped out. reading this is enlightening and helpful. It is like talking to myself. Thank you. I wonder do CL steal? Is this a determining factor too? Here’s a gist of what’s going on – I have tried to brush off these things these lies – I live with him. One time I lost money in my wallet but was too embarrass to confront him. Then he started with verbal abuse then physical abuse I forgave and forgave him (I’m an idiot) and then for the holidays my phone got missing. He went home to his family and I went home to family. I decided this is my chance to leave him. Everyday he would call me and control and manipulate me and verbally demean and abuse me. Then he called one day asking who are these people who are calling me he mentioned some names. Then I figured he has my mobile. I asked him if he has my mobile then he lied again by telling me his parents did a background check on me. Which was the clincher for me I ask him if that was true he should fax the docs to me. He didn’t of course. Now I told him to never see me again then he told me hes gonna kill himself but i was done. I’m over it. I’m so exhausted with all the lies. I just shut off. Now I’m back to my family’s flat and will try to never see him ever again. I love that man though thats why I understand why we ask How and where do we start leaving them? I have not talked to him in 3 days and whenever I miss him I just try to think of how exhausting it was to be with him. These people need help. I love him and I wanna see him through but I’m too scared to even see him cause he might hit me again. I’m still scared he might show up in my building.

written by jotravels22, 12 January, 2008

All I can tell all of you tell is to RUN! Not walk, but RUN!!! I have been in a relationship with a compulsive liar for SEVEN (7) years now. AT first he was the best man that I nor anybody I know- family and friends- have ever met. He was polite, helpful, loving, caring- a complete sign from God. The best guy you would ever want to know.

This went on for 6 months to a half year. After that, then the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde came out. You know that movie with Jim Carrey called "The Cable Guy", where he’s nice to every single person except you? That’s who I was dating for 7 seven years. Living with him too. He was blamed me EVERYTHING!!! I took too long to take a shower, I opened the fridge to long to look for a drink, I put too much butter on my bread, I over-cooked the spaghetti...and then (the next time in fear) I undercooked the spaghetti, I used too much water washing a bowl, my cat breathed too loudly and he couldn’t sleep. ?. I was a complete mess. I thought about suicide so many times! I just couldn’t live with someone like that. I took a count and realized that he yelled at me at least 3 times EVERY SINGLE DAY! No one would believe me except for his brother. He used to be the same way to his little brother as they were growing up.

When my ex and I were together, alone, all hell would break loose. Even over things I didn’t even know! He blamed me for his missing fishing poles- I never even saw them in the first place!! I was blamed for the 20 year old garbage disposal breaking down- even though I never used it. Then one day, as well as he was verbally violent, he got physically violent. He tried to strangle me, hold my arms down.... I was so scared that I didn’t know what to do! Once I got free, I immediately called 911. I explained the whole situation over the phone as he was near me pacing back and forth threatening what he would do to me and to my family if the police ever showed up. I began to start begging the woman on the line NOT to have the police show up! But she said that it was Florida state law that if you place a call, someone has to show up.

A female officer first arrived and I tried to tone down the argument to her so she would let us both go and he wouldn’t go after my friends and family. Another officer showed up, and meanwhile my "boyfriend" was inside beating himself up to look like I did it! Next thing I know, they’re putting ME in handcuffs and I’m off to jail. I didn’t worry because I knew the truth would come out eventually. It was my only time to jail. My ex, his brother, and an attorney came to the precinct that night to get me out, but the police wouldn’t let them. I had to go before a judge and my attorney (hired by my boyfriend out of guilt!) convinced the judge to let me go. He wanted me to go through ANGER MANAGEMENT classes but I explained the entire situation to him. Exactly what happened. I was being screamed at and I didn’t want to add fuel to the fire, so I stayed silent until the police showed up. I said, did they listen to the 911 tape?? I was the one WHO CALLED!! I feared he was going to kill me!

Eventually I moved away from him, when I was financially able to... best move of my life.... but those years were the worst of my life. Being emotionally, mentally, and then physically abused..... there is no excuse. I never did drugs, nor cheated on him. I was completely honest. And up until now, I really that he was a compulsive liar. He lied over so many small details and it would lead to huge brawls... it was so disgusting, embarrassing, and demeaning. How could someone that loves someone else send them off to jail, and then when forgiven, still keep up the same attitude?? It’s 3 years later after I left him and I’m so glad I did. It took a while, but now I could stop looking over my shoulder and second-guessing everything I do. I am 5’ 4" and eat a bite of cake without nasty consequences. I am free. I hope that a lot of you get away from those men or women that treat you so bad. Life will be so much better for you. If you’re not looking out for yourself, than who is??

And don’t forget to pray too. Jesus will help you out of of any situation you’re in. I PROMISE!!!

written by Blondie24, 16 January, 2008

I have just ended a year-long relationship with a guy that I thought was ‘The One’ – He was patient, charming, affectionate, great to my family, committed, loving... you name it. I had some niggling doubts in my mind that some of the things he was saying weren’t true, but he ALWAYS had a story to explain it – and would turn things around to make ME feel bad for ever questioning him...

We were meant to move in together next month – after finding a few weird emails in his account, I did some research. Turns out pretty much everything he’s told me has been a lie – made up a history of abuse, told me he owns his house (its his dads), lied about ex girlfriends, even told me completely stupid stuff like that he had been told by a doctor that he could possibly have Multiple Sclerosis!!! I don’t know WHY he would do this? Attention? Sympathy? My whole family loved him, as did I, and finding out all this is an absolute kick in the guts

But deep down – I know I deserve better than this. The hard thing is that I don’t doubt that he loves me – but he’s very sick and needs help. And the worst thing is – he wont even ADMIT it. He STILL tries to lie his way out of things.

It is reassuring for me to know there are other people going through what I am – it is absolutely heartbreaking and I am hurting so very much...

written by Me, 25 January, 2008

This is so much like my experience... I met this guy online, we started dating after a month writing. It was chemistry from the first date. In the beginning all was fine, he was very charming, felt honest, treated me like queen on every date we had. Told openly about previous relationships. But from the beginning I had this gut feeling saying this will be no good. After a while I caught him online on several places where we had met. He denied everything, found excuses for everything and explained that he did some of the things because of work. Which is so not true. Then I found out, that he had several different "accounts" in Hotmail, and he denied that too. I found blond hair on his sofa pillows.

I never caught him cheating, but had my doubts. Now afterwards I’m so convinced he has cheated on me many times. We were separated (together but lived separated few months) and as I came home, I noticed him having something going on with a girl from work. I noticed as soon as I entered the place and saw her and heard how she talked. They both denied ever something happened between them. She covers him up in this, that is my very gut feeling. He has never admitted any of the lies he has been telling me. In my opinion it is mostly about not willing to loose one’s face in other people’s eyes. Also, he wants to have the feeling of being the most wanted, admired guy, and I could not give that to him. She was there and as a young girl with little experience, a suitable candidate for a CL. I actually saw that most of his work intelligence does not come from him himself, but from other persons that he just "steels" his ideas from. But after all, he gets the credit for all that, no one just seems to realize how he does the things.

Even if I told him I had HIV, he would never admit cheating. How could I ever trust him?? I should go and fast away from this relationship. I was so depressed because of all this, that I had to start taking antidepressant medication, go to therapy and almost went to mental hospital because of his lies. Can you imagine, what kind of a person he is; who can do something like that to a person one loves. He just keeps on saying I’m paranoid, it is all in my head and so on. You know how it goes.

He has been doing the thing that he tells something and then denies it. For example, he told me that the girl had asked him to have dinner, and afterwards he denied ever saying that. He has made me very uncertain about my own mental ability to analyze objective his sayings, and especially, to analyze my own feelings and to trust my intuition. I have had the feeling that he would not even miss me if I were gone. So is this love or just plain habit to be with someone, for I know that I and all of us, deserve so much better?

written by emancipated, 08 February, 2008

After reading nearly all of your comments, I feel this sense of comfort that I’m not the only victim in this world. There are so many of us... I dated a cl for 5 months and in the beginning he was the sweetest, most romantic guy. But then the lies came very soon after. He would profess his love and loyalty and then later on message someone on an internet dating site that she had "nice eyes". I did my own sleuthing, of course. One thing I’ve learned in life is to follow your instincts, no matter how bizarre they seem at first. My guy just couldn’t stop lying---from how much money he had, to what he did over the weekend, etc. I was just so fascinated at how someone had the nerve to make up these stories even when he knew he had a smart girl in front of him. Well, I guess he also made sure this smart girl became madly in love with him just so she would believe him.

I don’t know if your cl’s have "favorite" lines. But mine does. He likes to lie about tragedy. About illness. He’s always like "help me... someone’s in the hospital... my mother’s sick, my brother’s sick, my best friend’s sick..." Now it all seems hilarious. But at one point I did believe him and even thought about helping him out financially... his family seems to have the genes for contracting illnesses. The worst lie he told me was the one that really ended it all... 2 days ago he messaged me pretending to be his brother, telling me that he (the cl who likes to lie about hospitals) was in an alcohol coma. Knowing how much he drinks and knowing he was intoxicated the previous night, I didn’t think this was far fetched. I went to church and prayed my hardest for him to wake up and even made a donation to the sick. It didn’t take long of course until I found out this was all a lie. I left him soon after.

What I noticed is that these people lie in stressful situations, when they feel they are going to "get it" from you... or when they feel ashamed about something. My ex always lies about finances. He seems to think poverty is the most embarrassing thing anyone can have. He also lies to escape scrutiny about his flirtations with other women. He has issues about appearance (I shouldn’t have helped him become more confident), about being left alone, but most of the time I just feel it’s about control---about being ahead of the game.

It’s been so difficult for me but I’ve managed to keep my head above water. I can only lose more by keeping him around. Sure, you can stick around for the romantic promises and the flattering words but hell, in exchange for what??? I’m glad I have a life outside him and all... I don’t need his friggin’ flattery anymore. I don’t need someone to tell me I’m pretty or sexy or intelligent or the love of his life. CL’s know our weaknesses. They know some women like to be told these sweet nothings and would endure almost any kind of behavior in exchange for romance. Girl, before he came into your life, you were fine and already all the things he told you about... you’ll be just fine without him---remember, he’s lying because he’s a LOSER... he can’t face the truth about himself because it’s way too rotten.

written by wow, 23 February, 2008

Wow, is all that can be said. This, these posts, are my life. Lies after lies after lies, after lies. And yet I stuck around. Every time I was close to leaving I would get letters, and gifts, and tears and heartbreak just so he could drag me back in. My gut always new the truth, even if my heart would ignore it. And yet for some reason, again, 6 years later, and who knows how many girls later, I stuck around. You feel shameful, and guilty, and they do this to you. CL rip your spirit from you, make you second guess yourself and all while telling you everything anyone would want to hear....love of my life, most amazing person, want to get away from it all and make a life with you, etc etc etc etc. It never ends. A friend once said its like being in an "abusive relationship"....they hit (lie) to you, you find out (leave etc) and then all of a sudden they become the most apologetic, sincere, never-do-it-again, boyfriend that you dream of. And again, its all lies, and it WILL happen again. Don’t stay, don’t believe in it or them. And don’t think you can rescue the next person, as I have done so many times. Its a mistake they will have to make since there are too many "next’s" to rescue. Move on and forget.....its what I am trying my darnedest to do.

written by PLEASE READ, SAVE YOURSELF, 28 February, 2008

I keep reading my boyfriend of so many months.... Count yourself lucky and move on because if you don’t your post will start, My husband of so many years... Your young, you’ll get over him or her and be better for it. I promise you if you stay it will be a life of nothing but hurt and disappointment and you will find your self in your mid 40’s and right back here just like me, crying alone in the dark. No matter what it takes or how hard it is you have to do it before you are married and children are involved.

I have been with my Compulsive Liar of a husband for 13 years, married to him for the last 10. I had no clue in the beginning. Five years into our marriage I found out he had been cheating on me for almost a year and had a child with this woman. I was devastated. I don’t know how I didn’t see it. I feel so stupid. I never ever thought he would have done that to me, to our family but he blamed me. I drove him to it he said. That was the end of knowing he loved me. The end of trusting him and the end of life as I knew it. The gateway to a life of hell and every thing before it becomes a lie too. We have two wonderful children, so I stay. He lies about anything and everything, big and small. I have come to learn if his mouth is moving he is lying. I still trick myself into believing he’s really sorry this time and this time is the last. But it never is and never will be. Please, Please believe me when I say you cannot change them. Before I read about CL’s I thought my love and our children would change him. Then I found out compulsive lying is often a symptom of a much larger personality disorder like narcissistic personality disorder or borderline personality disorder. No matter how hard you try, no matter how much you love them, it won’t matter. I now understand they are addicted, it is a sickness that cannot be cured. They have to want to change and my husband doesn’t. I don’t think many do. He or she may truly love you too but it won’t stop them from lying to you again and again. Breaking your heart over and over until you don’t remember what it felt like to be happy and feel loved. The saddest part is you know you never will again. This is your life. No trust no love. You will come to expect it, even be looking for it. And in the end the feelings that are left drowned out the love. How can you truly love some one you cannot trust. Even after 13 years and 13 million lies it still hurts. I have begged, pleaded and cried my eyes out. He will never get it. I have hit rock bottom. I looked at him tonight and instead of wishing he wasn’t here I wished I wasn’t. I am so sad and feel so alone and he is sleeping like a baby in the next room.

written by R, 06 March, 2008

My bf of 6 years is a cl. I don’t know whether to feel comforted or more depressed after reading everyone’s comments. Like so many have written b4 me I thought I was the only one in a situation like this.
I do believe my bf is a kind and caring person. I also know he isn’t cheating on me, but he constantly lies. The thing is he doesn’t even lie well and I usually catch him out. I say usually because how the heck do I know when he’s telling me the truth.
We recently had our home insurance canceled because he missed a couple of payments and he swore blind that he had dealt with it.
Just last night one of his friends called saying when did he finish work, as they’d tried to call him. I hadn’t spoken to this person for ages and ended up chatting for an hour. When he got home I asked if the friend had got hold of him. Without even hesitating he said yes I called her when I finished work. When I asked what time he stated a time I was on the phone to her.
Why did he do this there was no need, it was such an insignificant thing to lie about. The huge argument afterwards wasn’t.
These are just 2 examples the worst times are when someone else tells me something and I know he’s lied.
He can’t explain why he lies and this is what I find hardest to deal with. B4 he lies he makes the decision to do it so somewhere inside him he must have a reason.
I love him dearly and have begged him to get help – even if he tried to get help at least I’d know he was trying.
I am at the end of my tether. When I confront him he just says sorry and gives me pathetic puppy dog eyes. Then he promises never to lie again and I feel like such an idiot when it happens again.
I think he hates confrontation and admitting when something is wrong. But catching him lying makes me 10 times angrier and it makes me feel like a moster who’s bf is too scared of to tell the truth to.
I don’t know what to do for the best anymore and I don’t have the strength to keep going through this. I want a partner that is equal and willing to take responsibility, not a lost boy that can’t seem to grow up.

written by SLick, 10 March, 2008

I have been on the internet all morning looking for information on "CL" as I have come to know this affliction, and could not believe it when I stumbled on these stories. I am glad I am not alone... I have felt so alone since I am too ashamed to tell even my best friend what I am going through. Like many of you women have stated, I see myself in your stories. My guy is the sweetest most thoughtful man alive... treats me like a princess and buys me everything I could want. But he lies. I have caught him in so many lies. Some of them are to me and some I overhear him telling others. I have tried confronting him with my proof of his lying and to no avail. He says I misunderstood the first time, or didn’t hear the whole story. When I have confronted him the lies he has told me, he cries and asks forgiveness. He always says he doesn’t know why he does it but it won’t happen again. It always does.I love they guy and this is my 2nd marriage. We have been together 4 yrs and each yr it gets worse... probably why I did not notice it in the early stages. I would not have married him if I had known. It has changed our relationship for the worse. Even when he says he loves me, I doubt him. I doubt every word that comes out of his mouth. I no longer want to do anything socially with him because I am embarrassed by the lies he tells, even though people don’t know he is lying. They eat it all up. I pray everyday that God will fix him because I don’t want to leave him. I don’t know how long I can take it, but those of you hanging in there for 13 yrs give me hope. Does it ever get better? Does it ever get tolerable?

written by another liar, 13 March, 2008

I know I lie and I cannot help it. I lie all the time and about stupid things. I have starting making up stories since I was a kid. I have lied to my gf about making a call about owning a flat about stupid stuff and I don’t want to lie but the need to cover-up causes me to lie again and again until I am too embarrassed to tell the truth, then I end up lying again.

written by TheBoyWhoCriedAbuse, 15 March, 2008

So many compulsive liars. I believe I encountered one of the most disturbed, if that is the correct way to put it. My ex-boyfriend of four years told me within two days of us meeting that he had been sexually abused as a child, along with his brother, by their foster father. They were apparently kept in a squalid room in a remote farmhouse in France and systematically abused. The details emerged gradually and shockingly in installments over a period of three months. At many points he was crying almost uncontrollably and at other times he was narrating with incredible clarity specific impressions and memories, what they might mean, and how they had affected him later in life.

I believed I had been let into this private world and could use my understanding, compassion, and humour, to help him through this terrible confessional.

Our relationship was incredibly ‘full’ including a wide circle of friends on both sides, some intense studying at university (one of the most prestigious ones in the world, incidentally), and his particular form of recreation over vacation, clubbing scene drugs. Because of the incredibly close bond that had formed as a result of everything he had said, I was persuaded to experiment... almost to prove that I could do it too, after all, I had had a lovely upbringing compared to him and thought (or so I thought!) and could take a few risks if he had overcome so much.

Needless to say, the result was disastrous. Within a few months, I had to defer a year of study through stress and utter confusion. At that point I did not realize that everything he had said was a complete lie.

We split up towards the end of the year, but following a panic-stricken phone-call he made to me, as his ‘confidant’, we were soon again seeing each other. Some of the more bizarre things that were required to perpetuate his lies included hiding childhood photos whenever I visited his family home, which as you might imagine, was not often. He sometimes literally rushed me out of the house in the morning, pretending that I would make us late if we didn’t go. He would then regularly pop back inside ‘to collect something.’

I believe he truly came to regret what he had done as he increasingly started to have panic attacks about it, and declared one day that ‘we weren’t ever to talk about his childhood again as he felt finally able to move on’.

The calm which resulted did not last for long. When it became clear I was to spend a family Christmas with his family, he had no choice but to pluck up the courage to tell me...he wanted the relationship to continue. He left me waiting to find out some terrible thing he had to say for almost a week, and I almost assumed it was HIV. In fact it was compulsive narcissistic attention-seeking lying. In retrospect there were tiny things that didn’t quite make sense, but you cannot psychologically go from confidant to prosecuting attorney whilst lying in bed comforting a crying partner.

I attempted to think round it and work out a solution, to factor in the events that had occurred, to figure out why... but in the end, the magnetism I had found in his personality just went, and it was not many months before I found myself developing a bit of a hate complex and decided to call it quits and to attempt to move on by reclaiming my space.

He had cost me a year of university, and jeopardized my sanity. I believe I still have issues with trust, almost fearing that even close friends are finding fault. I keep this slight paranoia in check as I see it for what it is – nevertheless it is still there, and I can remember the time ‘before’ when I was always a really happy and easy-going guy. This ‘edge’ to my thoughts is a consequence of the experience I went through.

There is nothing so pointless of so damaging as a compulsive liar, particularly one with the imagination to create a whole world of horrors in order to draw pathologically upon the empathy of others. Perhaps I can excuse him because he really was adopted – this was checked after the truth came out – or hold it up as an example of how wrong even the most academically gifted can go as a result of taking drugs. Either way, it was helpful writing this and I am sure I will feel a little more free as a result.

written by Patiently Waiting, 17 March, 2008

Wow, I was so surprised to see so many people with compulsive habitual liars like mine. I must say that this is the first real love of my life, and this probably prevented me from realizing the truth when we first met. I knew some of the stories were lies, but over time it has become a daily thing. The lies include everything from where you grew up, to what you did that day. And what makes this all worse, is that I am the only one working and supporting our family. So while I’m at the office for 9 hours out of the day, you are running around in my car doing as you please. But when I ask what you did that day, you reply that you didn’t go anywhere. The gas hand and odometer show a very different story. And to make matters worse, I believe something is going on between my cl and their so called "friend". This friend has caused such an issue in our relationship that my cl told me they loved me more and would stop communicating with this friend. Well, my cl still to this day is not supposed to be talking to this friend, but I just checked my call log on line and can see that my cl has been calling this friend daily. When I ask my cl if they have still been talking to their friend, my cl gets very upset and denies it and states well you just don’t trust me. And all I do is set there dumbfound cause once again, you’re lying. My cl doesn’t know I can see the call log, so I intentionally leave my cell at home so I can see this. My cl erases the numbers out of my phone, but doesn’t realize they still shop up on line. I know this sounds crazy and this is something I would never want to have to go through in a relationship, so I feel it is time to call it quits. I just can’t understand why my cl cannot control the lies after I have been so committed to our relationship. I hate it and it has caused me several years of pain.

written by free at last, 21 March, 2008

Yes, it’s all too familiar. Shockingly so. I am glad I stumbled onto this site as I was unaware how many of us there are out there. The most interesting part to me in all of this is the beginning phase of each relationship. Truly manipulation to the highest order, disguised as love. I was drawn in by "someone special" (ha) after a painful surprise divorce. A good friend who then became something more, and down the road to hell I went! I understand the repeated returns to the bad situation, as I did it myself. The self-loathing after is the worst part. I have no real answers but have a mixture of hatred and pity for this man who, I believe cared for me but chose to manipulate me in the worst way... with endless lies.

written by disturbed, 22 March, 2008

I recently got away from this loser I was dating. All he did was lie it was ridiculous he made up that he broke his toe and then I saw him walking just fine the same day! He lies about everything! I asked him one day why he lies all the time and he was like I’m not a liar I hate when people call me a liar and I was like well stop lying then... ugh.... he’s a freak!!!!!!!

written by Strong again, 31 March, 2008

I met my ex-partner when I was 15 years old, thought he was the greatest thing ever, 4 years past and I was growing more and more concerned that "Mr Perfect" wasn’t so perfect after all. He stole money from me, my family, work mates and football team. He blamed me!!!
I fell pregnant with my first child and that was when the shit really hit the fan, he was desperate for a boy and when the scan showed that we were having a girl he flipped, from here on life was to get even worse.

3 days before my due date, I received a letter stating he owed a loan company thousands of pounds and they would take legal action if he did not pay, i confronted him about this and once again he lied, he stated that the debt was his fathers and they must have got them confused cos they have the same name!! I was outraged that he would take me for such a fool and expect me to believe such rubbish.

I went into the bank and spoke with the manager who explained everything in full!!! He was up to his eyeballs in debt. needless to say I went into labour with the stress.

Lie after lie after lie, it was getting worse and to top it all he had no interest in my daughter. After four months, he was gone!! I asked him to go because he was lying, cheating, becoming frustrated with his own lies and taking it out on me and he couldn’t provide love nor money for my daughter, and still to this day he does not.

After a six year relationship I was HURT that someone could be so uncaring, showing no remorse for his actions, his prey was those who are closest to him and he is not satisfied until he has his own way.. Childlike is the only way to describe him and disturbed.

2 years on, I still find it difficult to trust, but slowly I am picking up the pieces and I am a much stronger person.

written by Australia, 04 April, 2008

Are you all talking about my guy? I can’t believe that your stories are my story!! Does anyone here know my CL guy? His name is Uri, Uriel or Roy?
We live in Australia and I just don’t know what else to do?

written by Insomniac in Seattle, 05 April, 2008

Wow! It is 2:30 in the morning and I just found this article and posting. It means SO much that I have found this and seen what other people have gone through!! I ended a relationship in October with the person that I considered (still do, honestly) to be the love of my life because he was a compulsive liar. It has been 6 months and everyone says I should be over it by now. Unfortunately, it is hard to be over him. I just left without a goodbye or a conversation. He never saw me going because he is SUCH a good liar I was scared he would convince me to stay because he is a VERY VERRRRY good manipulator. Whenever I would confront him on lying, he would say things like, "if you can’t trust me (sigh), I won’t finish that sentence" and then he would tell my friends that he was going to marry me one day. Strangely enough, I believed that and still do, or am I in denial? I believe he loved me, and may still do. It was the hardest thing in the world to do something so cruel as to just walk away from a love like that because you couldn’t deal with the lies and the manipulation anymore. It hurts more after reading this realizing what a serious problem he has and I’m not there to help him. To give an idea of the situation, no one believes the whole story. He told me and everyone in my life that his name was one thing, and then I found out later that it was a completely different name. He even moved it to a foreign, European name to hide the fact that he has a "hickish" name. I truly wouldn’t have cared if he told me rather than his actually family members who told me many of his truths on the phone after I left him, trying to convince me to stay to help him. I was driving him to work, even though he’d been fired. He said he accidentally killed a twin brother when he was 8, never had a twin brother. Said his family was from Holland... from Arizona. Said his grandparents were killed by nazis, living in a trailer park. They aren’t even Jewish, he converted just a few years back. He told me he was a monogamous kind of guy and then I would run into his exes who told me HORROR stories. When I confronted him on it, they all seemed to be lying. Now that we are apart, within 3 days he was already dating someone and that person dumped him a few weeks later because he was not "trustworthy"... and then I found a profile of him on a dating sight that said he is into group sex and open relationships. It is VERY VERY difficult that the person I consider to be the love of my life doesn’t even exist! The therapy and medications to sedate the grief have helped to a point. But in a strange way, my views of humanity and love have drastically changed and I am no longer the positive person I once was. Reminding myself that he was sick and that the relationship was VERY unusual has helped me to slowly but surely get a little more hope in the idea of love. There were so many lies that I still find out more of them a half a year later. It is a very hard thing... I wish I could just hate him!!!!

written by Australia, 08 April, 2008

Hi again... I have left my CL partner of 18 months because it’s impossible to continue living a constant lie with him.
He still says he loves me, but I don’t believe him anymore.
I’m not the same person I was when I met him. My soul has been damaged by him, and so hard to trust anyone now.
I still love him.... but hard to be with him...

written by Trust without honesty?, 10 April, 2008

I’ve been dating this guy who’s 16 years my elder for the past 2 years and after reading everything on this site I’m sure he’s a compulsive liar. I first wandered last year when he was acting suspicious about a text saying it was from one of his male friends.. and I know I shouldn’t but that night I looked in his texts to find it was from a girl he used to work with saying she still loved him. I confronted him about it but he just turned it around saying its my fault for looking. Then more recently he’s got back in touch with a girl from uni only he’s posted his dating profile to her... "single never married, fun to be with" that kinda thing as if trying to "woo" here" Again I confronted him about this and he told me that he set the profile up over two years ago and there was no need to worry...even though it had that days date on. So I left it but today I found out that on a night out I had planned he was supposed to be meeting her and other uni friends and staying in a hotel for the night. Did he expect me not to find out what he’s doing... saying he’s only chatting to an old friend?... And also he tells a lot of little lies every single day, a lot of which no one believes because they are so ridiculous. I’m not sure how to confront him about it because I know he’ll only turn round and say its my fault and say I should trust him more... how can you have trust where theres no honesty?

written by I understand, 17 April, 2008

I am a cl, I have just realized it about a month ago. I always you know stretched stories when sharing with the guys. But now I’m married and I tried to just cold turkey it, but it doesn’t work like that. I don’t exactly know what to do, but in a family of addicts and alcoholics, I always thought I turned out pretty good. WRONG!!! It turns out that this is an addiction, I need help and this site lets me know I’m not alone in this. Any comments or advice will be much appreciated.

written by confused and sad, 25 April, 2008

I have just gotten back with my boyfriend. I moved across the country to be with him. Since I’ve been back, I have found out that he was seeing someone during our break-up period. It started before we officially broke up (although in his head, we were broken up), and he hid her from me until I said that I would get back together with him. Since then, I have lost all trust in him. Every time I go through his things, I find another truth. Recently, I found out that after we got back together, he continued to see her (as a friend). I found this by checking his bank statements. My boyfriend is now angry at me for "snooping". He tells me that he doesn’t tell me about her because it would upset me. He tells me that he’s not lying. My relationship is similar to the other postings. He loves me and treats me well. He takes care of me. He also does not believe that he has a lying problem, although I have discovered that he has learned to lie throughout his entire life in order to deal with his difficult upbringing. Now, every time I get the truth out of him, I’m angry. He tells me that he doesn’t have a safe place to express the truth. I am so saddened because I can imagine a wonderful future with him, but I do not trust him at all. He has turned all of this against me, saying that I need to let go of the past. Well, how do I let go of something that has happened so recently? I feel torn because I want to be with him, but he manipulates me into staying. What are normal relationships like? Is it ok for him to keep secrets from me in order to not get me upset? How do I get him to see that he is a compulsive liar and needs help? I have told him how I feel, and he thinks I’m using it as an excuse to get out of this relationship. Before we broke up, I completely trusted him. I never went through any of his things. Now, I can’t help myself from seeking out the truth.. Every time I look, I find something. I too need help in getting help for my boyfriend. I do not want this relationship to end. But, I can’t see it lasting much longer. My boyfriend is capable of justifying every single lie. I’m so happy to find others in the same situation because I’m upset with myself for sticking with him. Now, I realize that I’m not addicted to the drama, I just can see the good heart that my boyfriend has, and I truly love him.

written by Reader-1, 29 April, 2008

My boyfriend lies to me all the time. He lies about stupid things like how was your day! I am getting to the point, where I can’t stand him. He never shows me affection, except for when he wants sex! I am fed up with him, I have asked him to leave, but he won’t, only because he wants to annoy me. He fights with me constantly, and will never let me be right. He’s never behind me, and never respects me. I think he needs help, he makes a joke of serious things, and he’s screwing up our child by lying in front of our child. I need some kind of guidance, people tell me to leave him, but he won’t leave....

written by Scout, 29 April, 2008

First I’d like to say thank you all for the advice given. It truly is a comfort to know I’m not alone. I broke up with my boyfriend yesterday, and I’m pretty bummed about it, even though i know it wasn’t my fault and that I told him I knew he was lying and even gave him multiple chances to make it right. I told him the last time he asked me for just "one last chance", that I would, but that if he lied again, it was over. We are 15 years apart in age, we’re both divorced and he has two boys from him previous marriage. He was my tall, dark, and handsome prince charming...breaking it off with him hurt, a lot. I miss him and I did love him (the before-I-knew-he-was-a-CL man). I know in my heart that he hasn’t cheated on me. But he lies about the stupid stuff. And we will go to great lengths to keep up the lie. He will even answer a ‘phone call’ and have an entire FAKE conversation to make me believe him. I mean...hes SO convincing it’s almost impressive! But nonetheless, I can’t be in a relationship without honesty. And if its lies about the little stuff, what’s next? I think I made the right choice breaking up with him. But I care about him and I want to help him and support him, and I’m worried that breaking up with him will send him in the OPPOSITE direction of help. After reading all these other posts, my problem seems a bit trivial. But lying is lying and no matter how big or small, it is still painful. I welcome any additional advice!

written by krp, 30 April, 2008

woaaaaaaaa!I didn’t think there were any other people out there like this. Oh my gosh, it took me 8 years to realize i was married to a CL. WHAT A CON MAN! GET OUT AS FAST AS YOU CAN! I have 3 children with this man that lies about anything from what he is eating to his profession to infidelity. This is truly uncharted territory for me because of the children. I am simply gathering information so that I can deal with this CL in a better way for my children’s sake. Good Luck to all. Remember their disorder isn’t your problem or responsibility. They will destroy your life with their lies. Get out and enjoy life.

written by mmmmm, 19 May, 2008

I am trying to figure out what is going on with my relationship. I have kept the fact that I have been keeping in contact with my ex and a married female friend from my girlfriend. I guess that my contact could be described as an emotional affair although I have no physical contact with these women, only occasional e mails and phone calls. Recently, my girlfriend (1 yr) found out about the communication and called me out on it. I admitted to the contact but have kept it from her through the duration of our relationship. My view on the situation was that it was strictly platonic (which it was) but I was afraid to mention it to her for fear that she wouldn’t accept and understand....am I a CL? This scares the hell out of me as I don’t tell daily lies but have recognized some similar traits through all the posts. I have cut off any contact with these women (over the phone in front of my GF) and have no desire to maintain these relationships as my GR is my priority. I am soooo remorseful for keeping anything from my GF and have given her access to my phone and e mail to prove my sincerity. We have seen a therapist together and I have offered to see one individually or make sure I never keep something from her again. I have never done this in any relationship before (46 yrs old) but have found this to sort of take on a life of its own and compartmentalize this part of my life so as to keep it from her. I HATE what has happened and wanted it to "go away". I actually feel relief knowing that she knows and I don’t have to worry about keeping a secret from the person that I love any more. She doesn’t trust me...I get it, but lying isn’t "me"...I feel that I got caught up in a situation that I was not strong enough to end on my own....I lied....it was so wrong. I have potentially destroyed the best relationship of my life...I am crushed but can understand why she would never want to see me again. I have been diagnosed with OCD and my therapist feels that my "compulsion" has caused me to make decisions that were not in my best interest...I am on welbutrin....she says I will be able to be able to make "responsible decisions" and not act on my compulsion...does anyone have any feedback on this? I am desperate to do the right thing and repair my relationship.

written by Starrcrossedmommy, 27 May, 2008

wow. Seriously, we MUST all be in the same relationship. I have been seeing my CL for.. a year and a half. I fell deeply in love with him, and since then can’t seem to escape. He has used me and lied to me the whole time, but i "know his heart" as most of you say.. I’m starting to think its not their hearts we know, but their true selves. We fall in love with them, and then the evil side that they can’t control comes out. We have rent to pay in less than a week, and he has nothing. He lied to me all week about having almost the whole thing, then magically, someone stole it all. He even got in a fight with the kid outside!!! We promised to be 100% honest, and start from scratch, and apparently a friend called to say he found the money, and he left to go get it. His friend has been calling me constantly waiting for him to come over, and I just asked if he found any money, and he had no idea what I was talking about. The weird thing is, I almost don’t feel anything anymore when i find out these things. I am 9 months pregnant, and at a high risk for losing my apartment in less than a week. I really have worried so much, that I cant bring myself to worry about these cold hard facts. This man, who is the love of my life, who i believe is my soul mate... I cant believe i type these things, let alone believe them.. But he has committed bank fraud, after knowing it was a ‘last chance’ bank account(young and dumb, but it was 5 years ago that i had a bad track record, and was just getting myself right) so now i have no way of having a bank account. He lies to me, and lies to me and I believe him. Even if I don’t believe him I want to. I wish we could all sit in a room and hug each other and cry, and those of you that have left, I wish you could walk us broken ones through it, and comfort us when were in the throes of misery. Noone wants to leave a soul mate, especially when we have convinced ourselves that they love us, so obviously they will change.
I know he wont, and I write letter after letter to my baby, apologizing for what I’m doing to them. I wish I would have known who he was first, and kept those beautiful eyes at a distance. That perfect smile from my view, and the illusion that i am his perfect woman maybe wouldn’t have gotten such a stranglehold on me. If anyone wants to email me, to talk about ‘our’ situation (because we are all in the same one) or to encourage me, please, feel free.

written by Oxi, 27 May, 2008

Consider this--note this is only my perspective on the situation, but it may help someone--even if he lies, even if he cheats, if he loves you and is willing to be with you forever despite that he has lets just call it a "hobby" you don’t agree with. If this has been going on for a long time and he hasn’t left you to be with someone else and it hasn’t impeded on your time together, what does it matter? I mean, yes it hurts, but maybe we should look at it as something to embrace as one of his faults. Maybe he has a problem that he needs help with. Honestly, I can’t be too sure since I don’t really have that kind of experience and I can only imagine what it’s like. If he treats you like dirt then he deserves to go out the door, but if he’s indulging in a pleasure that he can or cannot control, perhaps its just that he needs something different. Maybe we can work with it instead of against it. Work it in with our normal life instead of trying to fight what is human nature.

written by Just M, 06 June, 2008

I am absolutely blown away to find you all. Endured in isolation, the conflict of deeply loving someone who hurts me so much drove me to purging in a blog I call Dear 2.10 (dear210.blogspot.com). I’m in a somewhat remote area of the country, so in the absence of close friends and support groups I feel like I just stumbled on a gold mine. mmmmm (5/19/0 – you are doing everything right and your girl friend is lucky to have someone that’s willing to take whatever steps necessary to cultivate a healthy relationship. Oxi (5/27/0 – I can appreciate your imagined perspective, in fact I try to convince and reassure myself using the same logic every day. But it doesn’t make up for the lack of fundamentals. Honesty, integrity, and respect are the building blocks of relationships and an otherwise good relationship punctuated by their absence erodes the soul, esteem, and appreciation for the perpetrator. It’s hard to articulate the level of humiliation and self loathing that follow, and the constant internal conflict of trying to reconcile the effects with my own genuine loving feelings. It’s like standing on sand. Regardless of how independent and self sufficient of a life I’ve lead, it breathes a lack of solidity, security, and comfort into what I consider my number one priority, my relationship, and it is unnerving and complicated. I wrote in my blog, "If only things were as clear as third party assessments would make them," and I’m clearly not alone in that longing. Thank you all for taking the time to reach out. I would wish this on no one, but in my desperation to feel less alone I am incredibly grateful you’re here.

written by Ladies aren’t we all in the same situation...as if it were all the same guy..., 07 June, 2008

Listen girls I have been dating my "Romeo" for over two years. Boy oh boy I knew he was a compulsive liar from day one but yet I stuck around. They are all great with words and moves...they know what women want, but do they? Because of all the problems in my relationship I began therapy myself about 6 months ago (thanks to my boyfriend telling me I was the reason he cheated and lied). Once I began to really understand my own issues I realized they contributed little to nothing to our problems as a couple. Girls don’t be afraid to seek your own help it doesn’t mean you’re the cause of the problems at all. I have discovered that I have very poor self-esteem and once I learned to take care of me I began to gain the strength to leave him. I am still in the process of completely ending my relationship with "Romeo" only 6 girls later! It is certainly not easy and I have gone back many times, but with time it is the best for me. I am sure that you all have said before these guys that you would never date a lying cheater. Guess what that’s who we are dating and we can’t change them. I use to feel that my mission in the relationship if nothing else, was to make sure he realized his problem and to get help. I now see that only he can help him. Trust me he will never forget you and he will realize what he lost eventually if that means anything. There are great guys out there somewhere but we will never know unless we say we won’t let them treat us this way anymore.

written by met a compulsive liar online, 15 June, 2008

I just ended a 7 month relationship with what I thought was a wonderful man. He seemed totally normal but I was constantly catching him in lies even from 7 hrs away! I hacked his email account and caught him telling other girls the exact same things he was telling me. There were tons of naked pics, etc. He even started telling a girl he loved her after knowing her online for only 3 weeks. I spoke to this man every day for 7 months and truly felt as though I loved him. I gave him several chances but the lying continued. I feel really stupid. Glad we never met!

written by struck by a lie, 03 July, 2008

I am living with my boyfriend of 5 months and in the beginning everything was so wonderful. He told me he has a 6 year old son who I love like my own. I also have three kids. Anyway he is constantly seeing his son and I accepted that cause that is is son, but I feel that he lies to me about his babymomma, he is always in her business even if she is with her boyfriend, he is constantly calling her, texting her and all this is arguing about their son. He works and then after work he goes to see his son, and then he comes to the house at 11pm and it is to sleep. His babymomma has told me that she does not want anything to do with him. And she is glad that he found someone that cares and loves him. But my question is why lie to me about it, he lies about their fights, and then when I know about the fights he stays shut and makes me feel like the bad guy. He tells me that he has to see his son everyday because his son as no one, and then he tells me that I make him feel like he has to forget his son, Her boyfriend can’t spend time with him because that is another fight with them two, he complains about everything she does, just not so long ago his son and his mother went on vacation upstate with her boyfriend and he was here stressed out because he missed his son, and the she left his son with her boyfriend and he got mad about it, they argue over the phone, he calls her job to harass her, but then again everything he does or say he comes to me with a lie. Why is that?

written by alfie, 05 August, 2008

Five months after discovering the massive extent of the lies and infidelities of my partner of eight years, I wrote the following ditty to myself. I’ve not shared this with anyone till here and now. I hope it somehow helps someone, like so many of the above comments have helped me.

For six years I’d been slowly weeding out of my life several destructive friendships (including alcoholics)... not realizing (or not admitting) that my partner was the most destructive relationship in my life by far.

Soap Living

yes, life stays boring
but in a better way
when you give up drama
as a way of living

when you part from angry piss heads
from the twisted and the damaged
and you say ?ha ha!? in smugness
?I no longer live a soap?

?there they go again?
you mutter to yourself
as they take their shit outdoors
and the cop cars come calling

they?re always in some trauma
wanting to involve you
but you?ve learnt a curt ?alright?;
for a smile, a listening ear
just means you get embroiled

so you?re the one most shocked
that your living quietly character
was due for some tall story lines
that push believe too far

that smiling, cooking husband
demanding, yes, but generous

so fluent with the flattery
with promises, assurances
that you overlooked some oddness
(for you know that no one?s perfect)
till the kipper of reality
slapped you hard across the face

and the stench of years of lies
knocked your dream right out to orbit
for you were just the back up
to his sordid lustful grapplings

your head just rings with questions:
how many did he have?
and who?
and when?
how often?

you have to take a deep breath
accept you?ll never know
accept you played a part
in the swallowing of deception

you think of how ensnared you were
by his trademark I?m hard-done-by
his genuine insecurity
and his cold hard-shoulder sulks
if you dared to doubt his words

his levels of denial
his ease with any guilt
that way he can transform it
to always not his fault

his skill at being blameless
his ease with conjuring lies
all these are quite disturbing:
just how far might he go?

so you?re pleased you got out now
for without him you?re tons safer
but being rather daft...
you both pity him his past
and fear for him, his future

written by THE SAD KANGA GIRL, 14 August, 2008

Ok everyone... I relate to all of your stories. I read them all!! I dated and became engaged to a compulsive and pathological liar. I loved him so deeply and still do. I thought I had died and gone to heaven when I met him. Charming, cute, attentive, funny. What a perfect guy. Until the pain started to set in.... The pain and tears to this sick twisted life was the worst I ever experienced. It got so bad with his lying that I became very ill over the past 5 years because of it.

And the only answer to any of the insanity...the only answer to the hurt and pain is to STOP and leave them.! After 4 years of him cheating, lying, cheating, lying, lying, disappearing acts, lying more and more.... I left him!! I loved him so much and didn’t want to leave. I was afraid to be lonely and afraid to be alone!! But what other choice in life did I have? I don’t want to live like that! Who wants a liar for a boyfriend or husband? I would rather live alone and be true to myself, honest to others and break the cycle of craziness. My ex had so many problems... INCLUDING the lying which makes it even worse.

I gave up on trying to track him down. Gave up on trying to figure out his lies. I gave up on trying to FIX him! I gave up on asking him anything because he never was honest about his answers. Why ask? Why try to fix? Why try to rationalize? Why try to mend it? Why try to wish it away. They are sick individuals...pathetic – burdened people who don’t care about how their behavior hurts others. So accept it – they are who they are!! It is what it is!! They will NEVER change unless you want to wait 25 years for therapy to kick in. It’s not worth it! Move on... find another wonderful boyfriend/girlfriend who really is normal and who cares. Or just be alone and enjoy the solitude and your friends.

Let the chips fall where they may... and let YOUR life take over onto a healthier path. YOU go and get healthy and feel good about YOURSELF!!

Good luck on your journey of LEAVING these sick – weird people!! And if anybody is out there that WANTS a nice relationship... I’m not giving up until I find a nice, honest and trustworthy man out there!!

Good luck to everyone!! And GET HEALTHY!!

Kanga

written by JacciO, 29 September, 2008

Hello. I can relate to all of your stories and I know first hand how painful this can be.
I met this guy 2 1/2 years ago and thought he was great. The smartest sweetest guy I ever met. We are both in the military and he came to my unit. After dating for about a year I started getting some weird vibes and looks in my office so I pulled my platoon sgt to the side asking him about my boyfriend (who was married previously for 2 years). He didn’t want to break confidentiality but told me in a round about kinda way. My boyfriend swore up and down that he wasn’t and the divorce was final a year ago. Come to find out he was still married! We ended up going through a painful miscarriage right after that and my dumbass decided to stay with him ( with proof that he was legally separated to his wife). So a few months go by and we get married and move to Germany together.I figure he was divorced knowing we were both in the military you would think they’d know and I thought there would be some sort of data base so the town you get married in knows if your married or not. Every things fine for a few months, then I get an email from His wife? Ya his freakin wife! Hes been lying about everything this entire time! To top it all off I went away to school for a month and he never paid the rent. He told me everything was paid up. This afternoon I talked to the landlords they have been giving us eviction notices for a month. He kept this all from me. He told our landlords we would be out of the house in 2days. He kept 2 eviction notices from me and is still denying it even though I talked to the landlords myself! WTF?
He wrecked his brand new car a year ago and swore he had insurance he left it in the states and finally when I confronted him about it again for the 100th time he admitted he had no insurance and is paying 500$ a month for a car that he has no idea where it is. He would even go so far as to tell me the car was ready have me leave work early only to tell me half way there that it was to late the shop was closed. He knew it wasn’t fixed...he didn’t even know where it was.

He has ruined my life and everything I have tried to build for us. I am happy it has only been 2 1/2 years and not any longer. My advice to anyone in a situation
like this is plain and simply just leave. Anywhere would be better than the torture that this type of person will do to you. People should not treat each other with such disregard. If he can do all this what else is he capable of.

*JacciO

written by Unknown., 04 October, 2008

I looked over almost every single post here and didn’t find any references to females being the CL in the relationship (ok mainly because this is a forum about males >

written by Ferrys G., 13 October, 2008

*Sigh*... I guess I’m not alone then. I have been seeing this man for almost 3 years. When I met him, I knew he had a girlfriend, but I fell for him anyway. We started a physical relationship eventually. I moved away and we continued it, even though I knew we shouldn’t. He even suggested at one point that we end it, but I was so into him that I protested and he gave in. A little later, I ‘ended’ it with him and told him not to contact me ever again. Two weeks later, after having changed my phone number, he found a way to reach me. I caved in because I love him so much. Now, more than ever, he’s always telling me he loves me even though he still lives with her. I see him on a regular basis, even though we’re a couple of hours apart. I know this is wrong and unhealthy, but like so many of you, I’ve fallen for this guy. Sometimes his phone rings at 2am when I’m with him, and I know it’s his girlfriend, but he denies it and makes some excuse as to why he has to go outside and return the phone call. I can’t believe he thinks I don’t know! I just feel so much for him that I don’t know how to stop this. I want to believe him when he says there’s nothing between them anymore, but if that were the case, he wouldn’t still be with her. It blows my mind that I can realize all of this and still be here in this situation...

written by Broken Hearted, 04 November, 2008

I’m getting married next July to the man of my dreams. He’s sweet and loving and we have so much in common. I’ve never met a man that has ever come close to making me as happy as he does. Unfortunately, I’m coming to discover he’s a compulsive liar. And a bad one at that. He makes up extravagant stories about things or omits the truth and it always comes back to bite him. Last night I found out about a lie he told me a few weeks ago and it was an unnecessary lie to begin with but the story he told with it was so grand and full of details I didn’t even question it and in fact told some other people about what he did. I found out last night it was all a lie. The whole story. I have no idea what I’m supposed to do. I love him so much and I can’t imagine my life with out him. I can’t help him to change if he doesn’t have the will to do it but I can’t marry someone who lies the way he does.

written by jab123, 07 November, 2008

Ladies...I am seeing a pattern here. Our lying men are all charming, attentive, loving, etc...Could it be that they hope that makes up for all the lying? Do they feel guilt? They seem to have a power over us that makes us love them so much. Maybe it’s b/c they are giving us what we crave...to feel special (claiming undying love), unique (praising our looks/talents), wanted (not going away when we kick them out), and taken care of (helping around the house, etc). SO it’s not really HIM it’s how he makes us FEEL. If we could only treat ourselves this way or generate the good feelings ourselves we would be able to let them go....just thinking there....what do you ladies think? I just want him to let me go. Please don’t let him keep calling/emailing me. I need to let him go.

written by hurting14, 16 November, 2008

I am truly amazed at reading everyone’s stories. I have wasted 8 years of my life with a man I thought was my complete soul mate, I’d have done absolutely anything for him and I even tried to change myself to suit his lying habits.
I moved countries to be with him and was willing to give up my university education to be with him. I met him whilst he was ending a so called "bad" relationship. I told him to take his time and get out of it and I would wait for him. Unfortunately he was taking an extremely long time so, I asked im what he really wanted and he ensured me it was to be with me. I got so angry and frustrated waiting for him that I called up his ex and told her of what had been going on between us and she was completely dumbfound!
He then told me she had been sexually abused by her father and contemplated suicide when her previous bf left her so stupid I let him take more time to leave her.
Eventually, he left her and still to this day I wonder if she actually got rid of him...
He promised me everything and I wanted all he offered. He went from telling direct lies to omitting actual facts such as attending birthday parties of girl and when later caught out where he had been he said he never told me as it was "insignificant" and I was "overreacting".
Last month I yet, caught him out again telling a lie saying he was having drinks with is mates at their house when it turned out he was in the pub with his mates... What difference would it have made where he was???
My heart is breaking and I still love him but I know its not natural or healthy to be in this kind of relationship. Please can anyone give me advice as I’m now beginning to think maybe I am overreacting and that I have told my soul mate to get out of my life

written by Mr. Lie, 24 November, 2008

I am looking for a Compulsive Liar for a book I am doing. I just want an anonymous interview with him/her. The book is about Lies in many different aspects.

Please help me with my project!

Best. John

written by miserable, 30 November, 2008

CL’s do steal. I am married to one and its horrible. We’ve been married for less than a year and I don’t know what to do. I wanna leave him but the threats, hes gonna kill himself, this and that... its just too much. It is exhausting. I love him and want him to change... I’ve talked to him about counseling and he just brushes it off... I bet he’d even lie about going there....
I’m hopeless.... and can’t turn to my family for this because right now, they are going thru some very difficult times. I feel like I’m running into a wall again and again...

written by miserable, 30 November, 2008

I wish I had discovered this website a year ago!
I would have never been in the place I am today!
I guess everything happens for a reason.....

written by traumatized*, 04 December, 2008

Anybody in a relationship with a compulsive liar just get out of it! They never change! And it just gets worse! Even if you tell them to go to therapy, they will lie. If you try to go with them, they will come up with excuses that are lies! I am married to a compulsive liar and am struggling to leave...due to my family. I can leave him in a heart-beat because he’s caused me so much grief, upset me and I don’t trust him... but I can’t face my family due to personal reasons... I would just have to leave the country! So ppl take my advice, if you are in a relationship with a compulsive liar, escape before its too late!

written by lj, 10 December, 2008

I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half and we now have a 4 month old son. Boyfriend is definitely a CL. He lies about absolutely everything and I never know what to believe. I have become a master investigator, but even when I prove to him that he lied, he often still will deny it. He makes me feel like a crazy person. I used to be confident in myself. Now I am a mess.

I want to kick him out (I pay all the bills- he was fired and can’t even pay the child support for his 2 other kids). But every time I try somehow I end up letting him stay. How on earth did I become so weak? Why am I scared of being alone? I never used to feel that way.

I know I’m strong- I know I can make it on my own- but sometimes I feel like it’s better to put up with the insanity than to take care of 3 kids all on my own (I have a 12 year old a 15 year old from a previous marriage).

How do I get rid of him????

written by me, 14 December, 2008

It’s sad to say that I am happy I am not the only one who dealing with this issue. Yes, he is the love of my life. Like all of us who fall hard and gave ourselves completely away, to end up feeling so empty and alone. The relationship lasted about a year and a half for us. The first three to four months was heavenly and I thought to myself I couldn’t be any happier. It was almost like I found the other half of me, he completed my soul. Then thing changed, gradually I found myself trying to connect the dots. Confusion and fear took over my life. Confusion of what was going on with him and us, and fear of losing him. After all he was the love of my life, we were going to get marriage, children....

Yes, I left and went back twice. I wasn’t blind but sometimes I wish I was. We want to believe what we want to believe to hang on to the hope that he/she is still the one. As human being it’s natural to desire to be desired.

I questioned my sense of self, my intuition, and my self worth. He has an ability to reassure me while breaking me down in the same time.

It has been two months since I left him. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. That was after a year of trying to hold on to what was there. I want to say to those of you who found your strength and now rebuilding your live again that at least you know what love is even if the reciprocation wasn’t there.

For those who are still spinning the wheel and trying to find the truth, I hope you realize that the clarity will never be found. However, you are on your way to rebuilding your live without him/her. Let me tell you why, your gut feeling is screaming something has gone completely wrong in the relationship, you can’t put your finger to it, and every time you tired, you fail. On the other hands, denial might even kicked in so that you can deal with the misery a little easier or simply not to feel rejected.

This is the first small step which you are taking in getting YOU back. Believe me if I can do it, you can too. I came from a typical Asian family where the women stays with her family until she is marriage. Think of how isolated that must be to deal with the turmoil and had no way out. However, even though it took me a year, I did it but found myself second guess myself at the beginning. Seek a support team who could show you the light, trusted friends, or family who willing to listen and help you find your strength, and plan your exit.

One of the reason you are still in the relationship might be at one time he/she was fulfilling you at every emotional levels, then it just stops. It’s the validation that we need, to feel love, cared for, and cherish.

You are running on empty and need to refuel, FAST. No one going to do that for you but you. Have no idea how to begin? Write two lists, one is for how did you feel about him/her at the beginning of the relationship and why, another list is how do you feel about him now and why you might feel that way. This is my first step of reaching a decision logically.

Then...

Ask yourself, if what you are going through happens to your love ones what your advice would be. Your advice to them is what you need to say to yourself. I know it’s hard because you can’t see a forest through a tree.

I hope my comment would help those who are trying to pull away. It’s a matter of decision. You need to decide which road you need to take. If this is the lowest point in the your life then don’t be afraid, anything after this only going to get better for you.
I was there I know...

C.S. LEWIS QUAOTES
?To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.?

written by MD, 13 January, 2009

Liars...everybody lies a little but compulsive ones...I’ve had a taste. It took me some time to walk away from that too, it’s funny how we actually feel sympathy for people who do not have principles.

Go figure.

written by BECAUSE WE ARE HUMAN, 14 January, 2009

Because we are human,we all look for that one person..that one being..that we feel will complete us.Be our soul mate. We look for that love you hear about in song or see in a romantic movie. We so want to believe that somewhere out there, is a person who would rather die than hurt you in any way. Someone with whom you can be your complete self.Who knows you for your good and your bad...and excepts both happily. A relationship based on truth, honesty, and shared dreams. I lived 50 plus years,was married for 26 years to a man who was bipolar,protected my children from the insanity until I could no more,divorced...and found freedom..found that there was a "me". I met a man..a wonderful man..who said..all I had lived...so had he. I finally found this person...the love..I had always prayed for.We were so in love...everyone could see it. Friends said they were so happy.We were married,and life was finally so wonderful...but then..I started to find..he was not the man he said he was. He did not share my dreams as he had said, nor my hopes,or even worry if he hurt me.At first it started with little secrets and lies...and as I confronted him..more denials and more lies. BUT...I...am not the woman I once was. More important...I know who I am and how strong. I asked him once,"why did you marry me..when so much of what you said was lies?" His answer, God, how it blew me away. He said.."I knew what kind of person I was lucky enough to meet...and I knew..I never wanted to lose you.I knew your would leave me in an instant if you knew all the truth about me. And I loved you so very much..I just couldn’t lose you. help me be...that person I want to be.That person I saw in your eyes." We are still married,going on 4 years now. And slowly...When we look into each others eyes now...WE EACH SEE "THAT PERSON,THAT LOVE,THAT SOUL MATE". All relationships take hard work, HONEST SINCERITY,TRUST,PATIENCE,AND TRUTH. You can’t have love..without these. We are all human..with our human issues..both good and bad...AND LOOKING TO FIND THAT ONE PERSON. Start with finding yourself...and who you are. Never be afraid to live and love. Just words?? No, but we each have to live, hurt, learn, and find at our own pace.

written by barbie9, 17 January, 2009

I live in Ohio. After reading horror stories I can top them all. I was married 29 years, 9 children. I 1988 I filed for divorce because my husband was molesting my 2 youngest daughters. My ex said my whole life was a lie. That was the biggest lie on his part. Habitual liars can convince you it’s day, when it night. They have learned from little on how to manipulate. All 29years of marriage I lied for this man to make him look good. I know now he was unfaithful, maybe gay etc. This man had political clout. He never was charged for this crime. He lied from day one. He brainwashed his children. They tried to get me committed 2 times. These lies continue still. Some day my children will realize who was the liar. Sad to say our Judicial System must have believed his lies also. I had 7 attorneys. This horror story is so sad. In 1984 my oldest son was killed by a drunk driver. 1991, my 3rd oldest daughter in car accident, possibly alcoholic related. Daughter is paralyzed from waist on down. This daughter was told so many lies about her Mother, she had 2 major melt downs. Can anyone help my family heal? 2006 after dating 3 yrs, I married another liar, sex offender, and the saga goes on. Yes, there connections, liars are thieves, con artist.

written by Jay0601, 30 January, 2009

Wow I wish I had read this site much earlier. I have been with my bf for just over 2 years now and just like every other post here – he started off as the best guy ever, completely swept me off my feet and I couldn’t believe my luck. I felt like a complete princess. He preached the importance of honesty and loyalty and always seemed to say and do things I loved!
I thought I had my life set and was going to get married this year...
Well, in the last 2/3months I have discovered a whole heap of lies – the biggest lie discovered today....that he has lied about his age.
He is actually 23 and he told me he is 24 (I am 25). This may seem trivial but because of this he has lied about ‘working’ when he is actually still at university. He makes up lies upon lies everyday and I actually think he believes they sound real himself.
He has also hidden his facebook account, his hidden his laptop from me, he hides his phone, his reluctant for me to be around his friends on my own, he makes constant digs at me out of thin air to cause a fight which has no purpose just when everything is going really well.
He led me to believe that we would marry and he knows I have pressures from home, coming from an Asian family.

I can’t get away – I still see him as my prince charming and somehow want to excuse him for the lies by trying to understand why he lied. IS this a dangerous path I am heading down>?

P.S – he hasn’t confessed he is lying about his age or being at uni either....it’s through my own research I have found out. He has also lied about his mums maiden name, his cousins ages, his friends ages, so many trivial things.
I know for a fact he isn’t cheating as everyone knows about us...but that;s not the point, the point is he LIES – CONSTANTLY

Please help...

written by June, 13 February, 2009

Many of these experiences describe mine to a tee. I met my fiance 11 years ago. We got on well, laughed a lot, I felt he was The One, I was over joyed that he wanted to marry me and that he believed in honesty and loyalty just like me. I was 100% open with him and 100% faithful. The lies started to show gradually – I discovered he had lied about his age (told me he was 28 when he was 27...) Seemed daft but when I questioned him he was so sorry and said he was worried he would lose me if I thought he was a ‘toy boy’ and I accepted he promise that he would not lie to me again. Then there were lies about money, he was in debt – he never knew why, never his fault, he was worried, I would always help him out. Then he lied about where an ex-girlfriend from school was living (he had met up with her for lunch but told me she was visiting from Scotland when in fact she lived in nearby village...). I found out when she sent an Xmas card to him and I saw postcode on stamp – checked his address book and he got really angry made it all out to be my fault etc etc and I backed down – didn’t want to lose him...And it has just gone on and on. We were buying a house together but at the 11th hour it turned out he had not sorted out a mortgage due to credit problems so my Dad had to bail us out. He never learned from that and continued to simply not pay bills even though he earned good money. I paid all the bills and he would pay me back but often in dribs and drabs as and when it suited him – yet he always had money to do whatever he wanted. Then I found a Valentine Card, emails, he was always secretive with his phone, computer, mail, lots of little things but never any direct proof and when quesitoned he would get hurt and angry and threaten to leave and became very passive and backed down. Then I found out he was still married (despite being engaged to me), I knew he had been married once with a son, but he denied being married twice in the past...He was never ever sorry or showed any remorse or understanding for the hurt he caused me by lying – he just thought up excuses, or denied it or dismissed it as me being stupid. I eventually got more and more resentful and found it harder to talk to him about things or believe anything he said and our relationship went down hill which now feels like my fault for mot continuing to simply accept him as I had in the past. He took a job working away in the week, then suddenly announced that he had been offered a job in the Middle East – there was no discussion, he makes big decisions without consulting me – then asks my opinion later so that he cannot be accused of not discussing it. So now he lives in Oman and wants me to move out and be with him. I have been going for counseling for ME to try and extract myself from this unhealthy relationship but like so many other women on here I am STUCK by the fact that I love him and wonder if I should simply accept him as he is because he tells me he loves me and misses me and wants me and when we spend time together I do enjoy his company but his lies break my heart and my trust and are messing with my head. Since being in Oman I have found he has been buying ladies used underwear from the internet (if I believe that?) and when challenged said he did it because ‘he could’ but it was a long time ago as if that made it ok. But then when I went to see him at Xmas there were more pairs and condoms and viagra... Yeah I know all the signs are there but somehow I can still kid myself because he loves me right? His latest one is to start telling people he has a PhD and using the term Dr on his work emails. He is bright and funny and clever and doing well in his career – why does he need to pretend? It makes him look stupid and is so sad. He laughs it off knowing I don’t like it but its not funny. I feel trapped by my love yet somewhere inside know I would be happier if I left but HOW?HOW do you end it?

written by vanessakate, 02 March, 2009

I have been dating my boyfriend for a little over a year now and I have caught him in about four lies. One time he lied to a coworker, another he lied to me for a full day about an incident until he broke down in tears, telling me he lied to save his pride. I now know he is lying about something else and I don’t know what to do. He is the sweetest, most kind, thoughtful, and caring man that I have ever met. Could it be that he is truly just like all the other cl’s described on this site? I want to believe that he truly loves me...I have no evidence of him ever cheating, though most of his friends are girls. I don’t know what to believe anymore. I just wish I had some answers. I wish I knew what made these people act this way? I have had conversations with him, like many of you have described, where the details just do not add up. When I question them he says I am not remembering it correctly or he says "well whatever..." and moves on. You can tell when he is talking that he elaborates on stories. All of his tales can’t possibly be that dramatic. I find myself questioning everything he says. I have lost a lot of trust in him and feel like the relationship is deteriorating...Though sometimes I think we can make it through-that I am just crazy and not giving him the benefit of the doubt (I am not perfect either). I get to a point where I can start seeing a future with him again and then I read a site like this. I hope that all of you who are suffering find the answers you are looking for. I am still searching for mine.

written by Former Compulsive, 09 March, 2009

I think everyone needs to stop saying leave, and run as fast as you can. CL is obviously an illness that people need help and support with. It’s no different than finding out your partner has depression or some sort of illness and just leaving because it’s "too hard" for you to deal with. It’s selfish and I think you should be ashamed of yourself if you’ve ever left someone who obviously needed your help.

I used to be a compulsive liar and have turned my life around with dedication and support from the people in my life. We can change and I know for a fact things would not be this way for me if my girlfriend of 2 years at the time and now 3 years would not have stood by my side, pushing and encouraging me to be a better person. These people need you to help them, if they ask for help. I realize some people don’t want to change and then maybe move on, but the ones who want help need it, and I know it’s possible to get better. Speaking from experience I didn’t know why I was lying all the time, but once I realized that it was an illness or addictive behavoir and found that there were lots of people like me and help was offered to me in several different ways, it became easier to admit that I had a problem and take appropriate action to resolve my issues.

I am still with the same girl and we have a fantastic relationship now with no trust issues and no lies. I’ve never been happier in my life, and it’s all thanks to her. Without her support I would still be stuck in my same old habits.

written by Jade Jackson, 24 March, 2009

I began my journey with a liar 2 years ago. The flags were there but I ignored them or would let him tell me some lie that did not make any sense. After 8 months of things not adding up i did some real investigating and found out that i was dating a married man who lived in the same development with his wife. my goodness did i feel like a fool but when i approached him he said it was for his children and he slept in the basement. To make a long story short he started to steal from me and kept lying. Gosh i have never seen anything like it yet when i try to walk away he begs me back. he has been lying from the beginning and i will be glad when I am finally done.

written by Chevyman, 26 March, 2009

Well I have read about all of these issues with lying and how most of you folks say run. Short of spending so much time here I have to comment on this. I have spent the last 9 months away from home and 6 of those were spent in Iraq. This is where it all came to a head for me as I am married to my wife of 4 years and when we met I told her some lies about who I was or what I had been in the past. Much like some of what I read here fits me too a tee but as I started to feel guilty for lying I started trying to fix this by doing whatever it took to undo the lies such as I said I had a college degree and did not. Don’t get me wrong I am a very knowledgeable man with a good head on my shoulders but because I lied it made me look very bad in her eyes. I started going to work early each day working on my online degree and working full time also covering up what I was doing. While in Iraq she confronted me about this and I came clean but explained to her I had been working to get my degree. I was also confronted about being a Seal in the navy which I had tried getting into but failed. It wasn’t until about 9 years when I got back into the military and really became someone who people could be proud of did I feel like I had came full circle problem was I was still telling folks I was a Seal because I had told this lie so much I believed it. I and not proud of lying but I came clean and feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders. I will be putting in my officers package soon and I am halfway through getting my degree so see people can change and turn thier life around but as for me I think it is too late for my marriage as my wife does not forgive very easy. I have accepted my faults and even though I stumble still I am alot farther along than I am given credit for I just hope those of you who are running will take a minute and ask if staying with the person and supporting them can be good. I had to for so long deal with my issues on my own and will continue to do so as I have caused my wife so much grief she will not forgive me. Sometimes forgiving a person you say you love is the best med. you can give.If you love them don’t give up stand in and fight.

A Returning SeaBee from Iraq.

written by browser, 27 March, 2009

Do what it takes to make you happy. Life is no more complex than this. People muddle it all up with specifics, but whether or not you are happy is basically all that matters. If something is wrong with your life, change it- no matter the cost. There is a reason strength and bravery are virtues.

written by JJB, 30 March, 2009

My husband left 2 months ago. This is all because I caught him cheating on me and I found out where he meets his girlfriend whenever he claims he’s going to be abroad for business.

My husband is a big fat liar. He lies almost about everything. He likes to be the one telling stories but he adds or deduct a lot more to it.

My family and friends loved him too because he is very kind, generous, etc. When he left, nobody would have believe that he can do such things.

He was convicted of stealing money from a company that he was working for and also lied in court. Now he has more court cases to deal with. I found out about all these after he left.

He also lied to me about his qualifications. He claims that he has masters degree etc. And also like to open false companies naming himself a managing director. Later on, I found out that he uses these companies to steal money from people.

Every time he would like to spend time with his friends and girlfriend, he will make up some stories like his mother is dying in the hospital, his brother had a major car accident and has to be taken to hospital overseas. He sent me a photo downloaded from the internet of a woman lying in hospital bed for me to believe that his mother is really sick.

If I will write all the lies he has told me, it will take me forever to type them all. The thing is, the best thing to do like most people say is be thankful that this person is out of your life. It’s been two months but the pain is still there. I have devoted 9 years of my life with him and now I am starting a new life.

Will my pain ever end?

written by Lying Steve, 31 March, 2009

I am a cl, I don’t know when it started,I don’t know where I went wrong. I just know that at some point in my life I lost my self esteem and have felt the need ever since to make myself look better then I really am. I am now suffering horribly to this disorder that I didn’t even know I had or existed till today. I lie about every little thing and I don’t know why. I can’t explain it. I just seem to auto lie even though I am not trying to. I knew i lied but didn’t know why or that there was a disorder about it. The only MAJOR lie I have told to her is about tobacco, I know it may seem trivial, but to her it is huge. My girlfriend knows I am a liar and I know it as well, We had a discussion about this about 6 months ago and we started to try different things to get my lying to stop, I was supposed to stop chewing, but didn’t so I lied about it like i always used to, knowing that it was going to catch up with me eventually, I am so disgusted in myself and sick of what I do. I think she is going to leave me, we have had this conversation a few times and I think she is finally fed up with it. I don’t know what to do. I love her so much and I have never cheated or done her any harm (besides lying). You have no idea on how i feel about myself, how sick i feel, how helpless i feel with myself, i feel like this torture to myself and relationship will never end. i feel worthless in every way. i am so tired of lying i just cant seem to stop to save my life. HELP ME PLEASE! She is the only woman who has ever made me feel so special about who i am. I just want to be able to tell the truth to her. I treat her perfectly, like a queen in every way i can, but cant seem to tell her that I didnt stop chewing or that i didnt brush my teeth, or i came home from work early, or that i want to go see my friends, its not just to her, its to everyone, to my mom, sister, boss, friends, anyone that will listen. just mostly to my girlfriend who I love tremendously. if you have any suggestions that might help please

written by Jay0601, 06 April, 2009

Well after a few months nothing has changed. He still hasn’t confessed to me that he is actually a year younger than what he has told me. I have hinted it a number of times yet he makes up ‘convincing’ stories to indirectly try and prove that he is the age he has always told me. I have said to him many times that he has my full support in life and I would stick by him, if there’s anything he needs to say then just say...he just doesn’t say it.
He gets aggressive when I try and catch him out or hint that I know stuff that he doesn’t want me to know = basically the truth.
He has told me that he will never make me happy, that he is only in this with me because I ‘make’ him = he is trying all he can to get out of the relationship even though the relationship itself is perfectly fine. It’s his guilt that won’t let him progress with me, every time things are going well, he either picks a fight or questions my past relationship and argues about trivial things that we have already discussed.
It’s almost as if he is trying to justify the reasons why he lies in his own mind by trying to pick faults in me.
So many times I’ve said to him that this is not the healthy way to live life or be happy.
He doesn’t seem to change.
When I am with him, we are so happy in each others company, we have a good time and I can see how much he wants this too.
But then it doesn’t last long, he says or does something to upset me and to try and make me leave.
In all honesty if he came clean I would accept it and look forward with him because after 2 years and some, I do not want to lose him from my life.

What can I do to get him to own up and be honest?
He’s lied and still lying about what age he is, I think he eats meat too but is lying and telling me he is vegetarian, he’s lied about his mums maiden name so that it’s the same as my surname, he’s lied about where one of his cousins goes to uni – for no real reason other than the one she goes to isn’t that good.
He’s lied about working currently when he’s actually in the last year of his uni degree. So many small trivial things that are so unnecessary but now he has dug himself such a big hole he can’t get out and I really want him to just admit it. Because all this stuff I already know are lies.

I can’t confront him because he turns nasty, he will call me a pysco or tapped for making these ‘assumptions’ or ‘snooping’. He won’t back down and say ok im sorry you found me out, it’s all true. He has too much male pride and his attitude will be ‘I will get you back’
I don’t know how to tackle the situation.

All I know is that I don’t want to have to see my life without him. I want to settle down and marry within the next year. He knows all this and occasionally says he will introduce me to his parents, but then later in argument tells me he is forced to be with me..I don’t know what to make of it all. All my friends around me are progressing in their relationships, I feel like I take 1 step forward only to take 10 steps back. He doesn’t let us progress with the fear that he may have to come clean...

Please help me, how do I get him to realize he needs to tell me the truth and how I wouldn’t leave if he did (cos I’ve been living with it for nearly 9months now)....

I don’t know what to do, I don’t want to leave but I can’t stay if I know he will never confess and will try to end things with me cos he doesn’t want to confess...how can he on the one hand be so committed and serious and then on the other know he has lied to me about things that I would definitely come to know of if i entered his family.

Please someone give me some answers or shed light on his behavior...I don’t know what to do anymore!

written by liar liar pants on fire, 10 April, 2009

seriously people, just get rid of them. f!!! the drama, make your life easier (sorry if money is involved, and kids, and splitting stuff up), but hey, life is tough. tough s!!!, and really, do yourself a favor. i dated a compulsive liar and i am extricating myself from his clutches.

written by NEED ADVICE PLEASE!, 10 April, 2009

I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 months and we have great conversation, we are very compatible and he is very caring and romantic. He even helps with the kids BUT i think he is a compulsive liar... He tells small lies that I really take to heart. He sort of tell "halfway lies" as I call them. Some of them I admit are insignificant but I’m worried about if they are going to progress into bigger lies. I love him to death but i don’t want to be in a relationship where i find myself wondering about if he is lying or not. Please help me!

written by You are not alone!, 08 May, 2009

I am a compulsive liar.

Most of the horror stories I am reading here are of people who can’t bring themselves to admit that they are Compulsive Liars. If that is the case, they are not worth your time. But if someone truly loves you, they should be willing to work on their problem WITH you so that they stop hurting you. If they’re willing to admit that they have a problem and want to change, please, give us a chance.

I myself have been given too many chances. But I’m still asking for another one. My current girlfriend and I are dating long-distance. We have been for the vast majority of the year we’ve been together, which is one of the many reasons my problem has taken such a toll. I have lied to her about myriad subjects, both insignificant and large-scale. In admitting to her that I have OCD and that it is a Lying tendency, I have told her several times that she knows the whole truth, and then turned around and added things to the story, so I am continuing to lie even as I try to fix my problem.

I have told her truthfully that I have an appointment with a counselor. I have told her truthfully many things recently. But there are still other things out of my past that she is catching me in; things I don’t even remember. These lies come to the fore and I am forced to explain myself to her, which is an unpleasant experience. There is nothing I can do to regain her trust quickly; there’s nothing any of us can do to solve these problems quickly. But PLEASE, I beg you, if he/she is willing to admit their problem, no matter how bad it is, give them a chance. If they’re willing to change, please work with them.

I am a victim of my own stupidity. I don’t deserve my girlfriend to keep me. But she is the most important thing in the world to me, and I refuse to let her go. I have a potential opportunity in her hometown to move up there and be with her. When we’re together, everything is better. The distance is something we’ve put up with for far too long, and I refuse to let it bring us down any longer. I am giving up everything else to go and be with her because she is my everything, but I need her to hang in here with me until that can happen. For her to do that, I have to prove to her that my situation is improving.

Please...if your lying partner is willing to try...give them a chance.

written by Not Crazy, 09 May, 2009

I am engaged to a man for over two years now and he is a compulsive liar. I let the little lies go at first but then I confronted him with them. He gets angry now when I call him on it. We have been having trouble for 6 months now only because he’s sneaking around calling this girl half his age and when I provided the evidence to him, he totally ignores it and will not admit it. He has drove me crazy with his lies and wanted to believe him and did at one time when he said nothing is going on but people, the phone records don’t lie. I am NOT crazy, and honestly I feel sorry for this young girl who believes he’s something he is not. I am hanging in there only because we own a business together but just to get my ducks in a row then I’m out.

written by Weak, 11 May, 2009

I have been married to my husband for almost a year now. He is a compulsive liar. He lies about everything, from when I first met him...things about what he has done in life to his accomplishments, people he knows, money, work.... everything. He always says i dont know why I do it. He is also a emotional and verbal abuser and has signs of having a borderline personality disorder. Luckily he has been faithful but like I said he lies, has lied to me about women. So I want out but I have a hard time doing so, because you guessed it I love him. A lot of these post on here dont sound like compulsive liars just cheaters, and I wish my husband didnt suffer from a few different mental problems. Will professional help fix this or should I just go? How do you get the strength to go? It runs from me!!

written by and yet another one..., 15 May, 2009

and i too, have my bf of almost 4 months, things seem to be coming undone now. A few things seem to be shown up in the light of lies. And i love this guy, more than any other bf, and I know that that is true, and its hurting so much to know that things he’s done and said are lies. A poem i thought he wrote, for valentines day, from a web comic, thing’s he’s said he’s done, not true. I don’t want to loose him, but maybe in the end, it’s going to be the only way I wont get as hurt. Ohhhh, it’s so confusing. I’m seeing him in two days, and my best friend is coming to mine tomorrow, to help me sort it all out.

written by 23, 28 May, 2009

I was seeing a guy for about 4mons that I had left a marriage for. Well not only him other reasons to but that aside.

He asked me to go with him to his Sons birthday yesterday. And I got called another woman’s Name by his sister in law! Might I add that I have asked him repeatedly if he has been seeing this other female.

Well needless to say he denied it like always. So I figured I am done with his BS went inside and informed his sister in law that I was pregnant. Because he has not yet. I come to find out that he also has a daughter he never gets to see!

Then after an argument between me and him. I talked with his brother and come to find out that this seems to be more than just the Son that I new about and this daughter I just found about yesterday!

I called him out to give him a chance to fess up but so far nothing! What a great pregnancy I have to look forward too and raising a child alone I guess!

written by Feeling stronger now, 21 June, 2009

This site has helped in ways you wouldn`t believe, so thank you everyone..
I was with my CL for 5 years, and I`m still trying to shake him..I met him on the net, on a dating site, when we met it was love at first sight for me, I was so into him, however I started to mistrust him early in the game, he still had his profile on dating sites, get txt msgs late, and so on...always had an excuse, and I believed him.

After 10 months I became pregnant, we had a little boy, months later I found out he had been emailing all these women the whole time, including when I was giving birth..telling them he loved them, blah, blah, when confronted with the emails he denied it, even though I`d printed them out..He always made me feel bad, like it was my fault, and turn it round and cry and I`d feel sorry for him...I wish I`d walked away then...stupidly we had another son (who I love to bits)..I always thought he would change, that he loved me so maybe it wasn`t that bad...BUT every time it was worse, a piece of me died with every lie.

Things came to a head earlier this year, (I had his email passwords, and every couple of months his behavior would change and I knew he was up to his old tricks) he had a profile on a male escort site...I got a friend to phone up and book him, he took the booking...I WAS HORRIFIED, he denied it...can you believe it (I BET YOUR LAUGHING)...he finally admitted it, but said it was a joke, yes the joke was on me...We split up, but he hounded me for weeks, saying he loved me, couldn`t live without me or the kids, that he was going to kill himself....and like a crazy person I took him back. Two months later he asked me to marry him, I refused (i might be crazy but not insane A week later he went on holiday to Thailand with his mates, which I didn`t want him too, as I knew he would cheat...when I picked him up from the airport i knew he had, but he denied it, later at home when he was sleeping our son got his dads camera to look at his holiday photos, and there was a camera full of his dad and some Thai girl spread out on the bed...HE DENIED IT....what can i say, I kicked him out , what a LIER....He has made it hard syas he cares, and still loves me..all the usual shit, that means nothing to him...Yet it breaks my heart, I love him like I`ve never loved anyone before...yet if i don`t stay away from him he would eventually drive me to my death...Its hard with 2 kids, because he`s their dad, and I`ll always have that tie to him...

Like I said it helped me loads knowing there is lots of us out there, deeply in love with these men who don`t give a shit about us, we give everything to them and get nothing back...IF YOU ARE WITH A MAN LIKE THIS PLEASE WALK AWAY NOW, YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE THEM....DON`T THINK FOR ONE MINUTE YOU CAN...
Good luck and stay strong..Karen

written by TLC, 25 June, 2009

Whew, where do I start. First, I sympathize with each and every one of you on this board. I met a guy CL 7 months ago and immediately "FELL IN LOVE". He’s SMART, CHARMING, SUCCESSFUL, ARTICULATE, etc...The difference in his lies are that it’s not so much lying about his education, career, family, etc. but EVERYTHING ELSE out of his mouth is a lie. Stuff that doesn’t even matter. He does have a drinking problem (at least 6+ beers a day after work and sometimes much more) so the lying may be as a result of the addictive behavior he has. Not only does he lie about everything but he’s a BAD liar. I can’t fathom how ANYONE could keep up with one lie after another and whenever I would "call him out" on his lies, he’d get angry and tell ME that I’M the one with the "hearing problem". And that I "misunderstood" him. Bull$..t. He had me questioning my own sanity. Just like the majority of you on here, I completely LOST my self trying to "catch" him in lies. It was almost an obsession. I would find dirty wine glasses in his dishwasher (he doesn’t drink wine) and when I asked him WHO USED them, he would say ME and I hadn’t even BEEN TO HIS HOUSE in weeks. Since he has partial custody of a teen son and daughter, everything I ever found that was "female", he would say "it’s my daughters". He would go out of town for "meetings" and even to Vegas to a "conference" and was not available on his cell phone OR the hotel phone. NO, I NEVER EVER BELIEVED HIM but part of me WANTED to believe him because I loved him and he was VERY CONVINCING when I questioned him. He has an answer and excuse for EVERYTHING. I’ve never seen anything like it!! In addition, he really didn’t even treat me well. Broken promises, dates, cancelled trips (and always used the "kids" as his "alibi"). To be honest, I think he’s a closet GAY. I am very smart, attractive, successful, funny, etc. but he hated it if I touched him and NEVER initiated affection. He WOULD have sex with me (at HIS convenience) but never any kind words, encouragement, sympathy, compliments, NOTHING. Occasionally he would order porn for "us" to watch (which I do enjoy) but then after 5 minutes he would stop the movie and say he was really "into it" only later for me to find that there were 8-10 pay-per view porns on his bill and I didn’t watch a single one of them. He even commented on the GUYS manhood but not so much the girls endowments. WTF??? He is OVERLY flirtatious with women and would often abandon me in bars to talk to strangers even though I have a great personality. Anyway, I broke up with him at least once a week for three months but I am DONE finally. I think we all expect a CHANGE and hope the person will see what they are losing but this is obviously a very psychological problem with those who have it. I am crushed as I really did love him but I love MYSELF as well so I walked away finally. He is the ONLY MAN that I no longer still have an amicable relationship with. Maybe one day....
Thank you...and good luck. Peace
TLC

written by kat-li, 02 July, 2009

I get scared and shut down. I grow quiet. Then secretly...I give him the middle finger under the table, behind his back, or pretend to stamp it on his forehead.

written by Shoulda left when I had the chance,, 15 July, 2009

I’v been with my boyfriend for 7 years we now have three children. how did i end up in this mess. i didnt know how much of a lair he was at the beginning if the relationship. we were just 15 and 16 years old. i thought every thing about him was beautiful. little did i know i was setting my life up for failure. he lied and still does lie about any and everything. he’ll lie about the price of a candy bar. (like it matters) im so tired of being lied to. iv tried to talk to him about it. nothing works. after the first year his sister n law even told me how much of a lier he was. that he even tried to make a theory for lieing and how its actually the truth or something like that.(stupid huh) im tired of being hurt and crying every day (literally every day)i asked him what did i do to make him do this to me. all he says is "this is the last time i lie to you" and its a continuous cycle. i use to go through his phone, i stopped because every time i found something hat hurts me. im in school dont work and take care if the children. he says because i have the luxury of not having to go to work i should be happy and not complain. i wish i could start from 15 because i would have left him after the first time i found out he lied to me. than i would now be a normal 21yr old in a big college having fun. im so stressed because of the kids school and him. and all he tells me is stop complaining, when im finally done with school and get a good job, i might leave him. its just that i think i should live with the lies so my children can grow up in a two parent household.(like every child should) as long as my children are happy i think i can live through the lies. i just dont know how healthy that is for me. i just wont let my children see or know how unhappy i am so they dont have to worry about things. so now i dont complain, ask questions (even if i havent heard from him in hours and he wont answer his phone), i dont voice my opinions about any thing, i dont disagree with him. im extremely unhappy but im willing to live through that for the children. i shoulda left when i had the chance. i feel like now its to late.

written by KS, 17 July, 2009

I’m starting to wonder if all of us have dated, been engaged to or been married to the same lying douche bag! Why do we still feel even the SLIGHTEST bit of love for them?

written by Gottya, 19 July, 2009

I have had experience of two very different types of abusive relationship and can honestly say that the Compulsive liar had a deeply profound and debilitating effect on my emotional well being, I think after reading a number of post here I’m a little surprised by the fact that what people fail to recognize is that they are allowing.....Giving permission to be continuously emotionally abused by these selfish people !

Confusion,frustration,anger and tears.... If this was a close friend or family member of yours describing how another human being makes them feel honestly and truthfully what would YOU advise !

They are addicted to their behavior and as long as you’re sitting on the same merry-go-round it will always stay the same! The only way for these people to get better is for partners,family or friends to have the strength and conviction to exposed these people for what they !....And to have enough self respect to walk away and let the CL decide if they value themselves and their love ones enough to admit their addiction to themselves and do something about it THEMSELVES !

Only then can partners,family,friends begin to repair a tiny amount of trust in a CL when they can SEE he/she truly wants to change,is taking steps to improve and seek help and advice and takes ownership of their dysfunctionality in ‘normal society’

It’s similar to a alcoholic recognizing he’s got a drink problem....Unfortunately most of these people, drug addicts,alcoholics,compulsive liars have to reach rock bottom before they take action.The biggest challenge for those emotionally involved is to stop trying to fix them and clearing up the emotional mess and destruction addictive types tend to leave around.

Have some respect for yourself and family and friends who care about YOU......Walk away and discover peace of mind and better relationships with honest people !

written by Had Enough, 23 July, 2009

I hope that habitual liars realize the pain they cause other people and the embarrassment they bring upon themselves. Their lies DO get exposed, and they end up looking like dumb asses.

written by Had Enough, 27 July, 2009

Liars cause the people that care about them SO much pain, plus the lies always catch up with them, making the liars look like total idiots. If your partner won’t quit lying, leave his/her a**. You deserve better.

written by Had Enough, 27 July, 2009

I’ve tried submitting several posts with the general message that liars ultimately make themselves look like jerks, and if your partner won’t quit lying (with or without treatment), you should leave him or her. My posts never make it to the board, though.....

written by guest25, 05 August, 2009

I have been dating my boyfriend for 2 years now although i have known him for nearly 4. He lies about silly little things like looking at emails and makes up more lies to cover them up and try and make me feel better in the process. When i talk to him about it, he blames it on me and says that i am just difficult to talk to, i mean would you not get angry and hurt when you find out the person you love constantly lies to you? It has made me wonder in the past what else does he lie about? i mean, i never know what is the truth and what is half the truth and what are lies...I live with him and finding it difficult to leave him since i love him and despite the lies, he treats me right, maybe it is my fault that he keeps lieing...How many lies do you put up with until enough is enough?
I have always been open and honest with him and yet he cannot return that respect. It makes me wonder how much i actually mean to him...

written by this is getting real old, 12 August, 2009

My boyfriend has been lying to me from day one, he exaggerates on everything and thinks he knows everything. I wish I had not let him live with me. He is suppose to be paying the bills which I am now months behind. He will look me right in the face and lie its crazy. I have never been with someone who lie about the simple things, Hell I am not your mother I am not going to beat you. If he is lying about paying the bills I can imagine if I was to marry him. My life would be hell. I cannot take care of a grown man.

written by A J, 21 August, 2009

To this is getting real old – dump the guy.

written by My CL story...., 23 August, 2009

Sadly I too can say I can relate to this....I have been dating the love of my life for over 2 1/2 years and he LIES to me all the time. I don’t trust him and he is livid about that. He asks e why I can’t trust him and my response is always the same you LIE LIE LIE all the time. He tells me one thing and then i will find a different response. Im tired of the lies. I have left him and then he comes back saying all the things he know I want/need to hear,but he is NOT fooling anyone I still dont trust him and we are prob not going to be with one another much longer. Life really is too short for all of his CL games. I am not stupid, maybe that is what he needs to find a young gullible soul =/

written by Same Drama, Different Players, 25 August, 2009

You + a life with a Compulsive Liar = Infinite Confusion, Frustration & Pain.
Change the Equation!

Compulsive liars have deeply embedded low self-esteem issues. Unlike the average emotionally healthy person they feel more at ease telling lies. The truth is extremely painful for them to embrace, so it’s more comfortable for them to fabricate a life they want you to "see". Revealing the real person they have become is frightening & not as exciting as who they wish they really were. They are convinced that the people they try to have close relationships with would be repelled by what they discover so they hide behind false walls.

Some compulsive liars are consumed with delusions of status, wealth, superiority & high intelligence. They can be superficial, preoccupied with self-gratification & are sometimes overly focused on standards of beauty, too. Often they exhibit a charming personality. CL’s are usually very attentive, affectionate, sensitive & have a terrific sense of humor. These beautiful assets are just a dazzling cover deflecting from the cl’s ugly inner truth. They are manipulative predators who will twist your words & actions making you feel that you are overreacting, being too suspicious, or are mentally/emotionally unstable...stop doubting yourself & your sanity! CL’s will NEVER accept blame...they are blind to their faults & will become defensive or evasive when questioned, even when you have evidence of their fraud. CL’s do not possess the emotional maturity to calmly & rationally resolve conflicts. Has anyone noticed a connection between compulsive lying & being irresponsible: not paying bills, avoiding certain duties/obligations, unsettled living conditions?

When your gut nudges you, listen to the warning. Intuition is NEVER wrong, believe your instincts & not the tales your deceptive darling spins.

Doing this will NOT change a compulsive liar:
1. accepting the lies (NEVER compromise or make concessions or excuses for the cl!)
2. showering your elusive mate with extra love
3. assuring your insecure partner that they are safe with you & don’t need to deceive you
4. hoping therapy will stop the betrayal
5. confronting the liar...this will only make them more cunning in the future.

Do this to leave the compulsive liar & improve your life:
1. reject the lies (you know when something doesn’t feel right...don’t accept it!)
2. shower yourself with extra love & respect
3. stop deceiving yourself...cl’s WON’T change...change your status to single & flee to safety!
4. if necessary seek therapy to enhance your self-worth & ALWAYS trust your gut
5. face yourself, project where you want to be & take action to make your dream a reality.

written by Same Drama, Different Players, 27 August, 2009

VERY SERIOUS INQUIRIES!!!

Typing answers to all these questions onto the forum would be extremely helpful by assisting me & many readers with emotional closure. Big Thanks!!!

Has anyone noticed a connection between compulsive lying & being irresponsible: not paying bills, avoiding certain duties/obligations, unsettled living conditions?

Has the cl you dated or married disappeared for long periods of time during/after an argument?

Did the cl pretend to have a job although he/she was never employed? Or did the cl boast about having multiple jobs (2 or more jobs at the same time)? Did the cl say they were workaholics?

Did your cl vanish or refuse to communicate w/ you after you split with them: changed phone number, closed email account, moved to another location

written by Lace, 30 August, 2009

WOW! 11 year separation and "HE" my husband calls He is a compulsive Liar, Drunk, and Narcissistic. I cant tell you how I FEEL but I thought he was getting better he started to fool me but I being skeptical talked with the person he lives with. He has LIED to him his AA sponsor has lied to me EVERYTHING that comes out of his mouth is a lie fabricated the truth changed the truth. I never divorced him but now I want him gone forever but something still holds me back...LOVE I love him but I cant take this emotional abuse. For the past 11 years I have lived my life not the healthiest way of living but I lived and just last year started to see a therapist and feeling better. If had returned before last year I would not be capable of dealing with this. It is hard enough with the support. He is worse now than when he and I were together. He charmed me telling me how beautiful I am, the love he has for me and that he made a mistake. He has schmoozed me so to speak. My heart was feeling his love or what he professed to be as love. I wanted to believe him I wanted him to be better..I wanted that dream we once had or "I" had. IT HURTS more than words can express. How can I BE so ignorant How could I allow him to court me and pull the wool over my eyes..He had me questioning everything about my life the past 11 years...He had me wanting to be with him live with him and be his wife again...He had the picture painted and I was ready to paint it with him.....I am angry...I still love him...why is it that a Man with so much potential is so blind to his gifts..that he has to allow this behavior to continue. I tried for years to "FIX" him and I ended up broken. I am now working on fixing me but then he comes along and I feel those old wounds start to open

My husband abandoned me 4 major times while we were married the last one he has been gone 11 years. He does not hold a job, he cannot live without someone else guiding him...he Lies about EVERYTHING in his life.

THIS IS CRAZY

written by I feel lost, 30 August, 2009

I have a boyfriend who lies about everything. Everyone thinks he is the greatest person ever because he twists his words to make him look like the good guy. It is so frustrating when no one know what a liar he is. It is very lonely. He even has friend calling me cussing me out telling me to leave me alone. He says he doesn’t know how they got my number but of course that is a liar. He even told me at one point he went to juvie hall when that was a lie. I really don’t know what to do...

written by A J, 01 September, 2009

To I feel lost: Dump his a**. He’s a douche.

written by Frank z Guenther, 12 September, 2009

Hello their,I am so thank full that i found your re port,I do understand where you are at, if not married yet,pleas do your self a favor – doent!you may love him or her, remember,you do commit your self and NOT be able bare it,and then separate,i know what its like now for 47 years,truly, still tempted to run, and look for a true partner that shares with me,and if i go or do wrong admit to her,and her the same,pleas save your self from that pain,i am sorry to here this.i can relate, I KNOW.ALL THE BEST IN YOUR JERNY.OK?

written by Same Drama, Different Players, 13 September, 2009

"A cl’s game is corrupt...don’t be a victim of the scandal!"

Compulsive liars derive great satisfaction from their tales. They weave stories for effect hoping you will be impressed enough to admire & stand by them. Their fantasies caress them with a soothing pleasure, yet wound your spirit with the deepest cuts.

Please DON’T remain in this degrading situation. No amount of love, compassion or time will end the fiction. CL’s are NOT reality rooted, so painting a pretty picture is second nature to them. The more you wish & pray for honor from your lying lover the more you will be deceived; lose sight of your self-worth; & eventually abandon your productive pursuits.

Stop suffering & realize you deserve a love where you feel secure, strong & confident that your mate is trustworthy & supportive of your dreams. Most cl’s do not have the capacity to feel empathy so the pain they inflict means nothing to them.

TRUST is the spiritual glue that helps bind and fortify a successful union. Do NOT deny yourself of this major relationship component for genuine peace & happiness. PLEASE step out of the romantic fantasy of trying to fix your fibber & strut proudly into the authentic destiny you desire.

written by I am not crazy!!!, 21 September, 2009

WOW – i now know that i am not crazy. Reading all these stories helped me understand what I am dealing with. Thank you for sharing. I am just so sad that it to 11 years of marriage to accept the fact that my husband is a CL. I feel like I have given this person the best years of my life. Now I just need to find the courage to leave. I only wonder what else am I going to have to sacrifice before he is truly out of my life. As I reflect, all the tell tell signs where there before we got married. He was 10 years older then me and took advantage of my inexperience. I feel like such a fool!

written by Same Drama, Different Players, 21 September, 2009

To: I am not crazy!!!

Sometimes we need to make sacrifices or leave things or people behind to move forward on our journey. The comfort zone you may need to sacrifice may include physical satisfaction you received from your mate; security of your present home; familiar surroundings & mutual friends. Only you know for sure what & who are no longer serving your best interest.

It is your responsibility to choose how you wish to live. Evaluate each situation & person before you allow them into your life. Excuses about being young or naive have no validity in your situation now. Experience has opened your eyes & made you wiser. Use this powerful knowledge to your advantage & change your circumstances to benefit you.

written by trim 69, 15 October, 2009

I have been seeing a guy for over 7 years we broke up wen l found he had been cheating on me in jan then 4 or 5 times he came back since then to me saying he made a mistake and only loved me ha,ha all the time he was still seeing her. The times l asked him wot he wanted for him to lie saying its me he loved and wanted l was always wondering wen he didnt ans the phone, wen he didnt bring the phone in my place if he did it was on silent etc. I have put up with the lies for to long and keep telling myself he only really cares about himself no one else. He is and always will be a compulsive liar they drag you down make us feel so depressed all for wot though. The only person that can change is ourselves hit them where it hurts finish it and no contact which is wot lm trying to do now its hard but times a healer. Its better to be sad alone than to be with some one who makes you feel worthless and who you have to worry every min of the day wot there doing and who with. Because truth is wot ever you suspect you are probably right.

written by cathy in halifax, nc, 17 November, 2009

I was involved for three years with a CL and loved him dearly. We talked on the phone for six more while he was in and out of prison, or off doing construction work, or just bumming around. I confronted him over and over and over with his lies, and finally, last Thursday night on his deathbed from cancer, I thought "Now he will tell me the truth." So I pleaded with him to tell me the truth about one of the many lies he told me, and he hung up on me. He died Saturday at the age of 55, and never, in nine years, would he admit to a lie, Never! Get away from anyone you meet like this. If a person will not tell the one he claims to love more than anything or anyone the truth when he’s been told he has less than a week to live, when will he?

written by Stupidly still confused., 24 November, 2009

I came upon this site while trying to figure out what was a Compulsive/pathological liar. Since I got some comfort reading all these frustrated stories, I also wanted to share to hopefully help others if possible. My story will sound pretty pathetic and outrageous.. and I was pretty stupid. I met the guy online...and though we never ‘dated’ as he calls it, I fell in love with him. I enjoyed his company in the beginning but when I asked to be taken out.. he kept refusing. Saying he is busy with work, dinner with friends, sports game, bicycling, etc. All the signs said he was playing me, and using me. I’m a well educated woman and yet I still fell for the lies. It just really never occurred to me I’d be in such a situation. Never in my wildest dreams!! I was inexperienced, he was my first. But yet, there were "moments" and the time together felt right and I wanted to believe he felt the same way. He would say pretty outrageous stuff-- and Lies. He’d tell me to date other guys, and then he’d say that he missed me and that I belonged to him. Continuously on and off-- he’d lead me on.. with teases. That we had a chance to be together. The more I decided it was not working.. he’d weave more lies and say more pretty things. Obviously this is more than just lying.. it is about the lack of respect, manipulation and him being a dirtbag.

Even in the beginning, on a daily basis-- we would make a date and then he would disappear on me, no word, email or text. Then later he’d say sorry and that he was busy. Now with time, he does not even apologize. Only once in a while when I call him to it and demand it. If he is not disappearing on me, he is canceling his plans with me (last minute) to see others. And then he tries to blame it on me. There were times I thought maybe he really was busy or that his work makes him need to socialize more and it is important. But he never once kept his promise to me to have that special ‘date’. Hmmm. There was one time he brought me flowers (after many many askings) And sometimes I could tell he was feeling guilty or just trying to be kinder to me. He say he loves me.. but it means nothing because he is unwilling to do anything to please me, and instead throw out lie after lies.

At some point, I thought he was just passive aggressive.. and I’ve read on how frustrating and difficult to be in such a relationship. I was angry, sad, frustrated, disappointed, confused, guilty, all the signs and results of his behavior towards me. But I had hope. Hope that it might just work out. :-/ Now that I realize his issues are more than that, it is even more crazier... Compulsive, narcissistic lying. I’ve been trying to walk away for a long time but I do not know how or the best way to do so. I do love myself and understand all the reasonings... I am keeping myself more open-minded and doing more activities.. but I still have a certain fondness for this Jerk. If I did not experience myself firsthand, I would have scoffed at such a possibility and that some women are weak and stupid. But when you are in it... you just dont know what is right to do many times. I’ve lived by my instincts most my life and on some level, I want to know-- Will I ever know the whole truth?? Have I been used and conned so badly and wholly? Is there no way that a compulsive liar will change his/her ways?

written by Not Alone, 03 December, 2009

Woooow!!!! I also came across this site in search of what a CL was as appose to a PL....bcuz of my relationship issues! And i thought i was alone in this!!! Ive been with him for 4 and a half years and this past year ive never been more miserable! And to add to it we just had a child! Things seem to get worse and worse everyday! Disrespect grows each day and it worries me! Im soo stressed with the situation! Im trying desperately to help him but he doesnt think he has a pblm! (denial) i wanna scream all the time!!! And its very difficult to let go bcuz honestly i have very strong feelings for him not onlii bcuz i have his child but just becuz thats how i feel! idk what to do!

written by Its not easy., 11 December, 2009

I think im a CL does that mean im not? i lie to my boyfriend a lot and i cant stop it, i say i will but i lie about the dumbest things. it really sucks and i want to stop.

written by Being Lied To, 16 December, 2009

I read these posts and feel so lost. I too am in a relationship with a man I love dearly but I believe he is a compulsive liar. I am suppose to move within the next few weeks to his home town and I am scared. I am giving up everything for him, even knowing he lies about the smallest things. I know that the truth can hurt but I’d rather be hurt by the truth then me lied to, to then find out the truth and be hurt even that much more. He continually gets mad saying I dont trust him and that he is trying. But how do you start to trust someone who has lied to you so much? I dont know how to trust him.... How do you learn to trust? To give them that chance? How do I stop being the detective with everything he says and try to believe him?
I am so scared, lost and confused that I dont even know how to express and share how much being lied to hurts and how hard it is after that to believe in that person again. I am sure if your on this page you understand that pain.

written by Divorced from a CL and lovin’ it!, 17 December, 2009

I am astounded at the similarities that I find in all of these stories! My ex-husband would tell all kinds of whoppers about jobs that he had interviewed for with exorbitant salaries, places that he traveled to for work and he was a crucial piece of the puzzle or they couldn’t run the company without him, bills that he claimed that had been paid that weren’t and so on and so forth. The bottom line is: this man lied about EVERYTHING to the point that I honestly can’t decifer the truth from the deception. He has told me that he was sexually abused as a child and that he had ADHD. He also told me he was a self-mutilator as an adolescent, though I never really saw deep scars, just a couple of superficial ones. He would also blow up and try to turn the circumstance around to it all being my fault whenever I would point his lies out to him. I wasted so much of my time, effort and energy trying to "fix" him that I damn near destroyed myself! I am here to tell you, ladies and gentlemen, that there is life after being married to someone with no integrity, morals nor values. I enrolled in college and graduated with academic honors in July from the Practical Nursing program and have been accepted into the transitions program so I can attend classes this fall to become an RN. Life doesn’t begin and end with your liar! I know that many of you felt like I used to: "Oh, you don’t understand! He LOVES ME!!!" First of all, love shouldn’t hurt. Believe me, I hurt all of the time! ESPECIALLY TO ALL OF YOU THAT HAVE CHILDREN, PLEASE, LISTEN!!! Do you want your sons and daughters to grow up thinking that this is acceptable adult behavior and this is how they should treat their future spouses or that they should allow themselves to be treated like this?! Do what you have to to get strong, but you either need to leave or make them do so. Face the simple fact that I had to: your relationship is totally based on a lie when you are with a liar. Get tough, get strong and get out! Good luck to each and every last one of you that has had to endure what I went through. I was almost suicidal and, now, look where I am and what I have accomplished. Especially to the parents, if you don’t have the strength to do it for you, do it for your baby(ies). Remember: that which does not kill us only makes us stronger!

written by concerned and taking my life back!, 23 December, 2009

Well, its good to know I’m not alone. Makes me sad to see so many going through what I went through. And unlike some of you, I am stuck with this guy for the rest of my life, as we had a child together. I get so angry at myself. I fell for all his lies... hook, line, and sinker. I was going through a divorce when I met him, feeling vulnerable, and lost. Now I see there were signs all along. He never actually came clean with anything, I kind of uncovered it through time. He lied about money, places he had been, past relationships, right down to what he ate for lunch that day. It got to the point I asked him to seek help and he did for a few months. I actually started to see some remorse for his actions. And he was really trying not to lie or over exaggerate which is also a HUGE problem. Then he decided to stop therapy. And we are right back to where we were. My children from my past marriage also are aware he lies. They confronted him themselves. They were upset about some lies he told them. Now they don’t trust him either. I don’t believe anything he says. And the worst part is, he actually tries to get me to believe I’m the one who’s crazy. He tries to get me to doubt myself so I will believe his lies. I hate that. And there seems to be no boundaries....no end, no guidelines.... he’ll do anything to support his lies and get you to believe him. Anything but admit the truth. I can confront him with hard core evidence and he’ll still deny it. Come up with some amazing story. Even the lies I can get him to admit to, he’ll deny just a few days later. Anyways, now that we have a son together, I told him in order to keep living with me, he has to seek therapy. He keeps telling me he will, but has not yet and its been 6months. At this point I don’t think he has any intention of getting help. And even if he did, I have no clue what he would be telling the therapist. Basically, I have ended our relationship over a year ago because I just do not see how to get past this. But he remains under the same roof and that is because of our son. I’ve tried talking to him, writing to him, giving him books to read, websites to visit. He won’t respond to my writings, he won’t open the book or visit the websites. Now my only fear is our son. How do I prevent this from becoming a learned behavior for him?

written by Mother of 8, 01 January, 2010

Wow...as I read through all these posts I am just praying for the me to take action. I need to get out. I want my husband dead because all he does is lie and we have 8 children together. If he just died I {we} would not have to deal with any more of his horribleness.

written by Zoe611fml, 06 January, 2010

Gosh! i thought i was the only one dealing with an insane liar! my bf of a year has confessed cheating on me with 10 girls and asked me to forgive him and promised hes gna change himself.. bullshitt (i think) coz after a while he hit on my best friend and he lies abt so many things that i discovered from his best friend (i am not sure who to believe). i wanna end my relationship but i cant coz i love him so much. he cries a lot if i mistreat him! he gets me gifts, flowers etc. IAM STUCK!

written by... NOT STUCK!, 16 January, 2010

This is sad that this thread has gone on for years, literally...
I’m reading these posts thinking "oh that poor woman, why hasn’t she left yet?" Then I Realize, I’m here for a reason. My other half does that to me. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 7 years! He hides things to "stay out of trouble" which is ridiculous, I’m not a jealous person!!
Tonight, he went out to a bar with one of my single guys friends and I didn’t even worry! At 3:30am I started to worry since the bar closed at 2, so I called and he said "Oh your friend is picking up a girl, we’re in a pizza place and have been since 2, I’m bored" So here I am, ignorant as anything asking if he wants a ride and saying I’ll stay up for him. No biggie...
So I get a text message saying they’re 10 minutes away, 30 minutes later a cab pulls up and drops them off!! The walk is a 10 minute walk, why did they cab?
Anyways, so they’re too drunk to realize I’m awake, and they both start talking about how hot the girl was and her roommates of the house that they were at... my boyfriend of 7 years went to a sh*t bar with MY single friend and picked up and went home to their house. When I called him on it he said "Are you fu*ked? I told you we were there!" As if I’m stupid... So now he’s apologizing for lying and swearing and I want to dump him on his face but like everyone’s saying.. it’s been so long! 7 years of my life! I’m only 22... that’s a large portion of my life with this loser (this isn’t his first lie, he’s lied about not having a gf to girls at the bar, he’s done inappropriate things on webcam, but never actually cheated that I know of)
WHY AM I SUCH A LOSER THAT I CAN’T LEAVE!!!!???

written by Will be taking my life back, 28 January, 2010

To Stupidly still confused: No, they won’t change, and you will never know the truth.
To Not Stuck: You’re not a loser -- NONE of us are; we just had SERIOUS lapses in judgment, but the fact that we’re here shows there’s hope for us!
I’m like a few of the other posters in that I was just looking for maybe some guidance (and, to be honest, maybe some validation that I wasn’t crazy). I, too, am surprised at how many people have posted here and how LONG they’ve been posting. I’m also VERY glad to know I’m obviously far from alone, but sad to know that other women have been tortured like I’ve allowed myself to be. My husband and I have known each other for over 30 years, but been married a little over 8 years (after living together for 3). The first couple of years we were together seemed to be pretty good. Then, gradually, the lies became more frequent (or maybe I just started recognizing them), and the sex became less frequent. For roughly the last 5 years, he’s always got a new female "friend". He tells me that he has ED that "the doc can’t do anything about", so we’re heading to our (well MY) 4-year anniversary of celibacy. However, over about the last year or 2, some of his friends have been telling me about the women he’s bragging about and confirming things that I always suspected he had done but couldn’t prove. Naturally, even when caught red-handed, "it’s not what it looks like." Are you kidding me? If it quacks like a duck, it’s a freakin’ duck! I realized that I had been angry and full of rage & resentment for years & was beginning to know that I didn’t want to keep feeling that way & become a bitter old woman. Because of the current economy, I couldn’t just walk out; I now have an actual plan and time line to stick to. I did the next best thing to just walking away from everything that I worked hard to get; I got counseling. It has helped me so much, I can’t even begin to express it. I can’t say I don’t get angry; I do, but I don’t have the rage anymore. The first thing the counselor said I needed to do was to accept that that’s who he is & quit expecting him to change. I know it sounds like a pretty screwed up concept, since "accepting that that’s who he is" sounds like it’s OK for him to behave like that. It’s not. Basically, in order for me to start helping and healing myself, I had to stop wondering why he treated me the way he did & how I could change it and start fixing the way I LET him affect me. He has absolutely no respect for women whatsoever; he ISN’T good looking (but IS narcissistic), although he can be charming. He has lied about things from "having 40 acres & a big house out in the country" (it’s a single-wide trailer on 5 acres) to denying he had been with a hooker who I talked to on the phone & who TOLD me he was a regular customer. He said she was lying. OK, my question was, why would a hooker lie & say she HAD been with someone? Seems to me if she was going to lie, it would be to say she didn’t know them. I have spent so many hours over the years spying on him & wondering what he’s doing & who he’s with (he’s a truck driver), it boggles my mind that I put that much energy in it. Now, the only reason I keep track of anything is for use in court when the time comes, but I don’t spend hours checking up on him because I already know what he’s doing & don’t need any further confirmation. He will never acknowledge there’s a problem or get help (it will all come back as your fault), and he will never admit that he’s ever done anything wrong. Sometimes I honestly think he believes his own lies as truth. I know there are others who may still be lost in this situation. If you can’t get out right away, at least get counseling. It will help keep you sane until you can go. You can’t change other people; you can only change yourself.

written by Cathartic in CT.., 08 February, 2010

I have to say, the whole time I was reading this, I was nodding in agreement to my situation. Thankfully, we are not married or have any kids together,but it dosent make it hurt any less..This has been going on for over a year now..Here is my story-I met him about 14 months ago-online of course in CT. All seemed great at first, he treated me like a queen. When he said he wanted to send a limo to pick me up at work to take me to Tiffany’s in NYC, I started to question him a little bit-but no big deal yet. About 4 months into it, he randomly blurted out that he wanted to transfer some of his investments into the firm where I work. SO i asked him what $$?? He seemed very modest, not show boaty at all. Well he claimed to have a $20 million dollar trust in a firm in Boston. So I set up an appointment with him and two of my bosses. He came in, BSed them and told them he would be back in a month, when he could withdraw money from the hedgefunds. So now he decides he wants to look at new houses. He picks a realtor and starts taking me to $2-5 million dollar palaces!!Of course I questioned it, as my salary dosent even cover the taxes!! He said he had it covered, we looked at one 9 times, he called my parents to come see it and had his kids choose bedrooms. So now the realtor wants a letter from his broker. He forges one on fake letterhead. I caught it due to a spelling error. When I confronted him about the investor being fake etc,he said he was scammed and needed to go right to FBI..needless to say he never went.I once mentioned that his son didnt resemble him, and he said he knew it was his child bc he was switched at birth..another lie..He lies about what he has to eat, about being a smoker, everything you can possibly think of. I received an email from his aunt stating he had been married before the mother of his kids, and he used a gf’s credit card to take another woman to vegas and marry her. His house is in foreclosure for the third time bc he keeps filing bankruptcy. The first time we broke up, he had another woman move in within a month. I stupidly started talking to him again, and long story short-she tried to kill me..He makes her sound like the crazy person, so I keep talking to him-making excuses, blaming myself etc..Its so easy to hear-dont talk to him again, you can do better etc....Its just not so easy to actually do it-each day is a struggle and today is only the first day for me!!It has been very helpful to read that Im not alone and would love to share stories or support w/anyone else.

written by Huge Questions, 14 February, 2010

Okay, here is one that has nothing to do with a cheating husband. I met and started dating a very beautiful woman about a year ago. It was like a dream come true, she was beautiful and smart and she made me smile. However, from the very beginning there was something not quite right with some of her stories. Mainly it was the people she said she associated with...real movie stars. Yet she was so attractive I just figured it must have been true. Then came the stories about money, not just successful money...no, I mean 20 million, a 102 foot yacht, a mansion in Florida and lastly, awe yes...she was a princess. Her father was worth in excess of 200 million. She claimed she worked for the Royal Family in England as an advisor...get the point!!! It went on and on. Every time I asked "Where’s the Money?" she became real defensive. She lived very modestly in a small house, yet she had 20 million in the bank. She would lie about everything constantly, meaning how long it took to do something, were she went for lunch, who she talked to on the phone, what she paid for a new pair of shoes. Even with all the lies, I was still attracted to her...yes. She treated me like a king, she told me she loved me and wanted to marry me. She would cook extravagant dinners, however I would have to endure these stories that I just couldn’t possibly believe. Funny thing, I’ve been to a few places in the world and guess what, yep, she’s been there too...strange thing is that she could verify things that made me think it all could be true...I finally gave up on her because she was driving me crazy. We couldn’t have one conversation without her saying some jaw dropping experience. I will always love her and miss her! Am I messed up or what?

written by CT, 17 February, 2010

to huge questions-no youre not messed up-im in the same boat.we need to gain self respect and not allow ourselves to be treated this way-im here if you need support

written by Maryland, 10 March, 2010

How could I have allowed this to happen. Strong and independent and on my own, but inside I wanted the attention of man. Yes, I missed the touch, sound, feel of a man. I have been divorced and on my own for 14 years raising my daughter on my own..staying away from men..then it happened he walked into my life with his smile, friendship..and for this I got just what everyone else here got a Compulsive Liar. Here is my story, maybe I can start to heal. Mine started out as a job interview... then we started to talk on line and texting. Seems his father was dying of cancer and his father did die of cancer two weeks after we met. He never told me his Dad died. I read it in the paper. Then he told me he had cancer, his Dad and him owned a business together, told me he was divorced 4 daughters only two are really his. Now he needs cancer treatments...to save his life, so all in all I have given him $2500, and we have known each other four months. He won’t let me come over to his house, we meet places for me to give him my money. Now mind you he will forget to come and see me, will show up 2 hours late. He won’t see me on the weekends, seems to always be a reason. Says he lives with his two oldest daughters they are 20 and 21. One is his step daughter and the other is just a girl that showed up on his door, he says she is like his daughter. I can’t go to any of his doctors appointments, he shut down his business as the dads beneficiary his girlfriend has all the money, his money is all tied up...can’t get to it. Now keep in mind that we only talk, tx or he comes over for two hours once or twice a week. Oh, the LIES!! so I have done a lot of searching online, as he is so secretive. Oh, did I tell you he was in the Army, seems he was a Col. Ok, so I don’t have any money, as I am supporting him and his daughters, giving him money..for medical treatment.. medication... I am so far behind in my bills. I have found information out him on line, but it is limited. I can’t afford a private investigator to go sit at the house he says he rents. Ok, so I called him up for money, as he told me it was being held up in the bank..ya right 4 weeks later. So here I sit, no money or food for my daughter or I and he can’t seem to find any money to send to me...hmm ya he is a LIAR!! Then I try and look inside to see what I could have been so blind. It is embarrassing, I can’t tell any of my friends or family members. I am glad I found this board and maybe I can start to heal like the rest of you all. Why he had to be so charming, and why was and have I been such a fool. Ya, helicopter pilot, Col. in the Army, ya it is all a lie, oh, the DRAMA in his life, I bailed him out of Jail, oh, lord it never ends. Thanks for listening to my story about my "Compulsive Liar". OH, yes he is 45 and I am 51. I should have known better. I know we all need to stop beating ourselves up over it.

written by Goblinne, 13 March, 2010

I am so glad I found this site and I can now at least acknowledge what I am dealing with. I have been involved with a pathological liar for a year and a half now. When we first met, he was still living with his wife, but told me they had decided to divorce and were sleeping in separate bedrooms and waiting a few months to announce their split. i bought it hook, line, and sinker. we started seeing each other, but he never spent the night because he had to "keep up appearances" with his wife.

after a few months, he did move out, and a few months later we were planning to move in together. we signed a year lease on a house and within a month he was acting very strangely. not coming home, saying he needed to stay at his brother’s house, being away suddenly for days for work (he uses work as an excuse a LOT – there’s really no way for me to check up on those excuses). once when he was away, i posted some pictures of us on facebook, and the next morning received a text obviously intended for his wife, saying he told me to never speak to him again, and that i had posted the pictures so she wouldn’t take me back. HE WAS LIVING WITH ME!

i ambushed him after that; forced him to show me the emails to his wife or i would tell her everything about our relationship and how long it had been going on. backed into a corner, he showed some to me, and he had been trying to get her to take him back. i was crushed. he then tells me that he was trying to make her THINK he wanted her to take him back, because she would be more amenable to singing their separation agreement if she thought he was begging for her to take him.

i was skeptical. but i loved him. i know relationships and ending marriages is complicated. so i tried to salvage things. he moved out, promised to move back in, only to get his own place a couple months later. he told me it was a short term lease and he planned on moving in with me when it was up, but i found the landlord and inquired and he said it was gone for a year. my boyfriend never showed me the lease to prove otherwise, though i begged him to.

recently, he broke up with me, and since then he has continued to try to see me and we have even slept together. i have caught him twice with another girl at his house. he swears up and down it was not romantic and that he never even touched her, but i know now, after this long, that he is lying. why won’t he let me go?

i keep reading it over and again, but i am very smart, well liked, highly educated. i have a good job and can get almost any guy i want. yet he’s the one i want. and he treats me horribly. the worst part is that he makes me feel crazy. he even tells me i’m crazy. and he drives me to the brink of insanity with his lies. i have begged him to be honest with me, to love me enough to let me know the truth. he will never change and i am tired of being manipulated. it’s very unfortunate that the only way i can get out of this situation is to cut ties completely and prevent any future contact. it is incredibly difficult and painful.

being with a liar like him has had significant effects on my well being. i have isolated myself because i am so embarrassed to tell my friends that he has lied to me and that i still want him. i have questioned my own judgment. i feel pitiful and pathetic because i beg for him to take me back even though he does these things to me. and i am not this woman. his lies have changed me.

written by --, 16 March, 2010

I’ve read many people consider running as an option, but running is not an option in my situation. I was married for a brief 2 years to a compulsive liar. Each time I would confront her (whether gently and with an understanding heart or otherwise), she would leave rather than admit she had been lying. She finally left for good and we divorced, but we had two children together--I met her "abandoned" and pregnant. My daughter spent the better portion of her early life with my influence and she is a very happy and wonderfully spirited and beautiful person. But my son (our second child) was born and raised up to 5 years old solely under my ex-wife’s influence. He now lives with me. He picked up his mother’s habitually lying ways. I have told him there is no reason to not be truthful with me. I have told him that I understand that he may have seen it as necessary before, but he need not do that with me. I have scolded him. I have used various punishments to deter him. He is now almost 8 years old and I am worried that his lying behavior may not be reversible. I’m not willing to consider spanking, so I don’t know what to do. I have noticed that many people ask, "What is the reason a person lies?" It may be more than one reason. The reason or reasons may be circumstantial, but there does seem to be some pattern of commonality; one common reason is maintaining a false appearance to cover for one the person feels is embarrassing or inadequate. Another reason seems to be that the person believes they have more of a chance of getting what they want using lies rather than the truth. I don’t have an answer; I just wanted to post some of my thoughts and read any responses that might be helpful.

written by Herndon, 20 March, 2010

Thank God for this blog. I’d just echo you guy’s stories.I’m done with the emptiness after sex, the keeping me at arms length, the lack of emotional intimacy, and the lies.I’m done.I will take it one day at a time until the worst is over.God be my strength (Amen).One day at a time. I am beautiful,smart,funny and have a nice personality.I deserve SO MUCH BETTER. And I will get it.All in good time.I’m going to get busier, pick up a new hobby, read-anything to shut my idle mind up.I will get over him. Readers, please say a quick one for me.God help you too.
To the Universe:
My Next guy:1. Will stay up after we MAKE LOVE to hold me, caress me, kiss me and talk to/with me.
2. Will be healthy: EMOTIONALLY, spiritually, physically, financially, spiritually.
3. Will love me as much/ more than I love myself. And he’ll love himself too.
4. Will like my body. Will like to touch me,kiss me, look at me, hold me etc
5. Will be financially responsible.

In the meantime, I’ll work on myself.Outside-I’m going to lose 2o pounds, travel, make new friends and shop.

Good luck to every one !!!!
4.

written by Letting Go!!!, 05 April, 2010

I can’t take it!! I have been seeing this guy whom we have a baby with for 3 years. He has two other children (so he says) I found out that there is another child but he claims It’s not his that he just takes responsibility for her because the child’s father left. I feel like he lies about everything!!!!!!! Recently he went down to see his daughter (the one he acknowledges) and the mother wouldn’t let him see her. He started rambling on about how the mother is crazy and he misses his daughter and how he always sends stuff to her and and tries to help the mother out when she’s in need. He also said the mother of this child is all about money and how she’s mad because she wants to get pregnant by him. Now I understand him wanting to see his daughter because it’s been a couple of years since he has seen her, but if it’s been over 8 years since you slept with her why would she still be holding on to that "dream"? He is always talking about his daughter he has her pics on his phone and he posts stuff about her and it makes me a lil jealous because my sons the new addition to the family and I don’t see him talking or doing half the stuff he claims he does for his daughter. We lived together for 2 weeks but I found a whole bunch of girls on his computer and a couple of videos with him and some girls. He claims that was the past and that those girls meant nothing to him. I feel like I’m being used..he always comes to see his son but when he does it’s always later in the evening and he leaves early the next day. he claims I argue too much so thats why he leaves. I do argue a lot with him because I’m not happy or I find something out thats not right. He always claims he’s broke. We hardly go anywhere. I have yet to see where he lives. He did invite me out to see his parents so they can meet the baby. I have been out there a few times. He has called me another girls name twice and claimed that it was his kids mother (mind you he has two other kids mothers and neither of their names was that. The icing on the cake was when I was in a terrible accident and he came over for a lil while and told me he couldn’t stay and stayed at his cousins house who lives 20 min away and spent the night over there. He claims he wants to be a family and he wants things to work between us but "we can’t get things right". My response to him is we can’t get things right because you are a LIAR!!!!! He claims he’s not lying and that I have a problem trusting men and I don’t make him feel like a man. Yes, I have a career and I’m very independent He’s in school and works off and on. I’ve been wanting to break it off with him for the longest but never did. I think Today is the day!! Too much Drama.. I’m getting older and I’m seeing him for what he is! I’m not saying I’m perfect yes, I have faults but I think I’m wasting my time. What do you think?

written by Someone who hates what they are., 12 April, 2010

I’m sorry that this is so long, but I really hope you take the time to read this.

So, I’ve read through all of the other comments. It’s very hard for someone like me to do, since I myself am a compulsive liar.
I have to say though, compulsive lying (CLing) isn’t an easy thing for some CLers.
Some of us actually resent the fact we do it and regret how we make others feel.

Today (12.04.2010) I told the woman I am truly, madly and deeply in love with and want to spend the rest of my life with the truth about something I did. I cheated on her. I wanted to tell her face to face, I didn’t want to run and hide behind a phone, even though she gave me that option.

The events leading up to my being unfaithful may not seem like a big deal to a lot of you, you may have been through more in your lifetime. I’m in my mid 20s, I don’t have the life experience some of you might have.

My girlfriend was working two jobs; one to bring an income and one where the recompense was the property we were living in. She hated both. I hated that she had to do something she hated so passionately so that we could live there. I contributed to the costs etc, but to me, it never felt like enough.

I lost my job in Dec ‘09, I was made redundant, this threw all my plans out the window. While I had been working, I was saving, vigorously, for a flat and a engagement ring. I didn’t tell my girlfriend this because I wanted it to be a surprise. These were my plans. I wanted better for her AND myself. I, we, had planned our life together, before we split up, how we wanted to be with each other and how she wanted to be my wife and the mother of my children.

When my plans seemed impossible to attain, I spiraled into self loathing, depressive mess. I couldn’t see a resolution to it and with the recession in full swing, things just seemed to get worse.

I’ve always had inferiority issues. I’ve always had a lot to live up to, but could never attain those things I wanted to / needed to, or so I thought, while the people around me seemed to be doing just fine, or worse, better than me at every turn.
I felt guilty that she was doing this for me although she never complained.
I wanted to originally move out for a little while, get myself a new job, sort myself out so that we could, I could, work on my problems and be a better person for her. I had nowhere to go. I don’t have friends that would take me in for a while. I asked my dad, who lives less than 10 miles away from where I was, if I could stay there for a while, to sort myself out, he said, no. That’s it, just, no.

Please see pt. 2

written by Someone who hates what they are., 12 April, 2010

Pt 2.

The woman that I cheated with was someone both my girlfriend and I knew. She was someone I had confided in about how I was feeling. I found it hard to explain to my girlfriend fully how I felt about things because I was such an emotional wreck. I would just break down, or shut her out. I did that to protect her, or so I believed, from me, from how I was feeling, because she had enough on her plate, she didn’t need my baggage as well.

One day I went to see the other woman, we got talking about things and I has worked myself up into the most pathetic blubbering mess I’ve ever seen. I asked for comfort; I got a hug. I kissed her cheek, in a friendly manner, but my emotions were all over the place and things got out of hand.

I felt so much worse after that. It wasn’t a relief, it wasn’t a release. Its was a nightmare. I had messed myself up more than I ever thought possible.
If I couldn’t express to the woman that I love about how I’m felling on the inside properly because I was trying to protect her, then how would I tell her what I had just done?! I couldn’t face it. So, in true CLer style, I didn’t.
We split up a couple of months ago. I thought, I’d hoped and she’s told me that we’d be able to work through things if I was honest with her. She knew something was wrong. I knew she knew too! But I still didn’t tell her, even given the opportunity.

So today, I asked her to meet me. She did; it made me very happy. Both because she’d actually turned up and also because I was finally going to set things right.

I sat her down and went through everything that had happened. I answered all her questions with such open honesty that I felt nearly liberated from my lies.
It was hard, for both of us. It was very emotional as we are still in love and I’d still like us to spend our lives together.

She obviously doesn’t trust me now. She doesn’t want to see, speak to me, hear from he...ever. I tried calling her, this evening, I got her friend, laughing at me down the phone, I could hear the woman I love in the room, laughing with her.

CLers don’t just ruin other people’s lives. They ruin their own. Some of us DO have feelings and emotions and we’re not all self centered.

I’m a wreck after today. I’ve ruined the most amazing thing I’ve had going for me in a long time. I love this woman very much. I hope that some of you read this and understand that its not always meant to be malicious.

I regret not telling her sooner, I could still be with her now.

Thanks for taking the time to read this. It’s good to get it off my chest. And you may or may not like to know that I am a compulsive liar and tomorrow...I’m going to get help.

written by HELP!, 25 April, 2010

I’ve been in a long distance relationship with a guy for 4 years... He’s always been the sweetest guy ever to me and treats me so right. Ever since we started talking he would occasionally "disappear" and turn his phone off for a few days, then he would call me with some obnoxious story. (he got in a car accident, someone died, he went to jail, etc.) I always felt deep down that he was lying but he would somehow always convince me that he was telling the truth. This past year its been happening more often... He lies about his jobs, family, friends, anything he can come up with. It went from once a month, to two or three times a month, to a couple times a week. Whenever I catch him in a lie now he gets so defensive and makes it seem like it’s my fault. He started telling all his family and friends that I’m the crazy one when really it’s him. I want to talk to someone in his family about it but they don’t like me because he told them I was crazy! It’s so hard because were long distance and there is absolutely nothing I can do. I recently contacted one of his old friends and found out he’s been cheating on me since day one. I could expect once or twice since were long distance, but his friend literally called him a man-whore and said he brags about how many girls he has. This doesn’t seem like him at all... why would he try so hard to keep me in his life for 4 whole years if he really didn’t love me like he says he does? I don’t know if I should believe his friend or not... nothing makes sense to me. His phones been off for four days and he has not called me. His friend says he’s been at his house all week. I don’t understand why he’s avoiding me. I’m going crazy! If he doesn’t want to be with me than why won’t he just tell me?! I think he realizes he has a serious problem because he’s admitted he needs counseling and has admitted to lies before. (he says he has to lie so I won’t get mad). I feel heartbroken, I’ve never hurt so bad in my life... for some reason I still want to be with him and help him. I’m so stupid I know but I don’t know if I can let go. He’s brought me down so much I just don’t even know what to do... I gave up everything for him, I barely socialize anymore, I always feel depressed, I just feel lost without him ;(... I need help. Please someone who’s gone through something similar give me advice. I’m only 19! He’s 22.

written by Im the stupid one????, 11 May, 2010

My fiance is an CL, he is still married, and was pursueing me while he was trying to get his marriage back together. His marriage broke up because he stole thousands of dollars from his wife, (he told me his wife had cheated on him). He told me he had been to jail, which didn’t happen. He has lied about his parentage, his so called siblings, and his work profession. He told me he had a child from his marriage, which turned out be his step child. We now have a baby and have been together for 18mnths.
I don’t know when to believe a word that he says to me, can I believe that he love his child and I???? I am the only woman he has loved(he claims), he treats us so well, and treats me like a princess.

written by I can totally relate!, 24 June, 2010

I was going out with this guy for months! But once I talked to his friend (WHO IS SUPER GOOD LOOKING HEHE), he said: "What are you talking about?!" "That’s such a lie!" So then I asked my boyfriend. He confessed for the lies (THERE WERE A LOT!). And he got SUPER upset! He almost started crying! Then weeks later I started to not like him that much... He pretty much LOVED me!!! I told him I was starting not to like him much... He got SO upset! And went on and on about how much I was "Awesome" and "Pretty" and on an on! So then he broke up with me and said he just did it to get it over with so he wouldn’t have to suffer the pain of me breaking up with him! So then his really good looking friend I was talking about earlier asked me out! While I was in the relationship with the good looking guys friend the good looking guy was TOTALLY flirting with me! And he went on and on about how hot I was and how he was jealous. So I went out with him for maybe 3 days then he broke up with me! But he was at a pool party with all of his friends (they go to another school district then I do) and he claims that this other guy used his phone and pretended it was him and said that him and I were over. (There voices are very alike). So I don’t know who to believe. I have been single ever since (Beginning of June). Now the good looking guy is going out with my other friend (who isn’t very good looking). He is telling me that he never liked her and he is just going out with her because he thinks I don’t like him. I have told him several times that I do (I really do)! But then he always says "No one likes me " , "I need someone to date this summer! " And I always repeat that I like him. It gets annoying. And he always says mean junk about my friend to me. And tells her that he loves her. Today I was talking to him and I was joking around when he said no body likes him and I said: "Because you’re gay!" (Don’t worry I’m not against being gay/lesbian/bi sexual/transgenders etc. or anything!) And he got SOO mad! And said "F*** you" and hung up. It was funny. I’m sure he didn’t mean it. I called him later and he said that he was mad and didn’t want to talk.... :/

written by....., 26 June, 2010

my ex was like that. He came from a troubled past and because of that i pitied him which led to him lying about his issues to me and taking advantage of my naivety. (he drinks a lot and is in denial about it). And he also cheated on me (i didn’t know at the time) while claiming he would never use me or dump me. Three weeks later when I found out he was cheating on me for the last half of the relationship he got together with her. He wasn’t even man enough to dump me properly, he asked to still be friends with him (being the trustworthy person i am i took his word; this was before i found out) and then when he and this other girl were official he slagged me off on facebook and made out like i was the one to blame for everything.

written by blind sided, 28 June, 2010

my boyfriend of almost a year and best friend of 3 years just told me that he is a compulsive liar. i am in complete shock.we are high school sweet hearts and just graduated this past summer. i feel like i have to question every word he has ever told me. who knows what is true or not.

he told me about 2 weeks ago that he was going to see a psychiatrist but that he wouldnt tell me why. I told him that if thats what he felt he needed to do then i would support him and be there for him. Its been the second week and he just saw her today. He came over after he saw her and told me that he was a compulsive liar and is getting help. i am in complete shock. i never, ever saw this coming. At first i was so shocked i couldnt even say anything, and then i just started crying my eyes out. He told me that he wasn’t actually color blind and that he wasnt actually as into hard drugs and alcohol as he said and that he had not actually slept with all the girls he told me about (which was a very big issue for me because i am a Christian and believe in saving myself for marriage, why would he lie about this? so many times i cried my eyes out wishing that he had not slept with so many girls), but the worst was that he told me that his dad never had an affair and that he made up this whole elaborate story. this was heartbreaking to me because he was the one person i opened up to about my own father having an affair on my mother and how it had totally broken me (which istrue) and then he had told me that his father had had an affair with his mom’s best friend and came up with all these details about it. i not only was devastated by my own parents broken marriage but by his. i remember crying my eyes out feeling so bad for him and his parents. and then to now find out it was all elaborate lies, its cruel. i feel as if my emotions have been manipulated and used. so many tears i have cried over things that were not even true. i feel like a foolish girl that got played in his web of lies.

i dont know what to do. how can i be in a relationship with a guy that has destroyed my trust and lied to me about God knows what for the last 3 years. he is my first love and the first guy i really ever gave my heart to. between my father and him, i feel like i can’t trust any man, ever. but unlike most compulsive liars, he is actually one that has realized he has a problem, sought out a psychiatrist on his own, and is dedicated to counseling. i feel torn. any advice?

written by..., 01 July, 2010

I too have been lied to by the best. It has not even been three months of dating and it already happened. The worst part about the situation is the girl who I was dating, I met through my boss who I have worked for the past 10 years and treats me like a son. Needless to say, I have been above and beyond what any guy should do in the first three months. Little suspicions about canceling on me three times because she was too busy with work (being a school teacher) I gave her the benefit of the doubt. I’ve been receiving so much advice from family, coworkers, and friends that I couldn’t even sleep anymore. We were supposed to hang out on a Monday (which she canceled because of work) and then decided to head up north from Tuesday – Friday. We had plans to go to a retirement party the Friday when she got back. She never called/text while she was on vacation which I found very odd. She came back into town and texted me an hour before the party. I was on my way to meet there while my phone was about to die, so I called her telling her we needed to meet at this school where we both knew the location and could go to the party together. She put the gift and food in the car and we went to the party and had a great time. I was introduced to all of her co-workers of three years. Life seemed great. The next day I was cleaning out my car and found driving directions. These were driving directions that were not from her house. Being the not so trusting person I am, I did a Google search and found out they were from her ex-boyfriends house. I let two days go by of not talking to her while she was calling and texting me saying she was worried. I finally talked to her on the third day saying I think we were looking for two different things. She said I was doing a 180 from Friday and didn’t understand. I confronted her about the driving directions at this point. She said it was her female friend’s house. I told her when I Googled the address, it was a males name. It was her friend’s husbands house. I told her I knew in fact it was her ex-boyfriends house and I was getting off the phone. She told me to call her back, which I did and she confessed. Telling me this is not her, she never does this, I’m sorry I lied. She told me the ex-boyfriend was up north with her group of friends, and she drove him home. I asked if this was the reason why she never called me on the trip. She replied no, I was thinking about you the entire time (how can I believe that now). She said she didn’t call anyone, she was just on the beach. Lies, after lies, after lies. I want to be strong and never talk to her again, but I also want to hear her side. Family and friends keep telling me what’s the point to her side when she lied to you. She most likely never would have told you if you didn’t find the driving directions. Ironically enough I was mysteriously deleted from her Facebook while she was up north as well. Her reasoning for facebook was it was an internet website and things like that happen. The worst part is, I don’t want to believe she is a pathological liar, but there was no reason to lie about her ex-boyfriend being up north. If she would have just came out with the truth, instead of lying and trying to cover the lie, and cover the lie again we would be fine.

written by I am tired of it!, 04 July, 2010

My boyfriend lies all the time too! when i confront him he either says nothing, changes the subject or makes it look like a light matter. i’ve been with him for 2 years now and just don’t know what to do next!

written by idk what to do, 06 August, 2010

ive been w. my bf for a year now and about 5 months into thee relationship a leech as a call her stepped n and claimed to be w. my man. I asked him abt it a he denied it to a T...I let it go until she hit me up last may saying I need to leave her man alone. we got n2 a big argument n he denied it again. our 1 yr anniv. just recently passed n this girl is on my mind always because idk thee truth. I always think abt leaving but its easier said then done, love is keeping me here...idk what to do....

written by Am I Crazy?, 23 August, 2010

I stumbled upon this blog and I’m amazed at all the heartbreaking stories! I’ve been with a CL for 4 years. I was very vulnerable when he met me: going through a divorce and starting a new job. He was very charming and swept me off my feet. The first sign should have been when he lied about his age. He told me he was 32, and I found out on the Internet (really easy) that he was in fact 42. He told me sob stories about his abusive mother and growing up in a group home (which could be true, but how can I know for sure?). At first he used to act flaky, like not showing up or canceling at the last moment. After about a year, we started getting closer and I forgot about the little lies and inconsistencies. He started spending more time with me and I fell for him hard. Then one fateful morning I got a phone call from his number. I answered, and it was his girlfriend! I was in shock! I started talking to her and I found out they have been together for 2 years and living together. He was paying all her bills. He was driving her car – using it to drive me home from work. I tried to talk to him when I got a chance, trying to make sense of this mess. Then the situation turned ugly. I don’t know what lies he told this other girl, but she started harassing me. She even showed up at my job. She was convinced I was the bad one in this situation. Believe it or not, I forgave him and took him back. He told me she was unstable and he needed me to save him. BTW, while this was going on, I found out he was still married. I suffered through this hell for about a year, and the girlfriend kept popping up. Then it stopped, and I thought things have changed. He took me to meet his family, he started spending a lot of time with me, he was paying for everything and making me feel like a princess (not that I ever found that important). For the past 2 years I’ve been living a dream. We went on vacation to great places, I never felt ignored, I got everything I asked for. Last week he went on vacation with his children. He told me about it a long time ago, so I didn’t give it a second thought. The first day we talked on the phone and texted a few times. I thought I’ll give him his space to enjoy his time with the kids. But in a casual conversation I noticed a strange discrepancy. It had to do with how he got there -he said it was by train. After checking the train schedule, I saw his time line was wrong. Bottom line, he lied and it was a fact. I confronted him about it and he got really angry. He refused to even address the issue. He kept telling me to stop, and that I’m acting crazy. Now he won’t pick up the phone, he said it’s cut off because he didn’t pay the bill. He texts me to tell me he loves me, but when I question him he gets really defensive and doesn’t respond. I can’t believe after all the suffering and everything I’ve invested in this relationship I’m back to square one. The worst thing is that I’m already finding excuses for him, and I have a feeling I will take him back like nothing happened. I really love him and I feel loved when I’m with him. I’m ashamed of myself. I can’t talk to my friends or family about this, since they all thought I was crazy to take him back all those years ago. I don’t know how to heal myself of this disease...
Thank you for sharing your stories

written by Eliza, 30 August, 2010

Wow, so I find myself relating to all of you as well. I’ve been with this guy for 3 years in total, and during our first year he was a total romantic sweetheart and treated me like a PRINCESS. He would come to my house if I was sick, & if I so much as stared at a dress in a shop, he would buy it for me without saying a word even though I would tell him not to spend his money on me. He was madly in love with me and made me feel beautiful, inside & out. Everyday was a dream, he made me fall in love so hard. And this is exactly why women get trapped... we fall for the lie and want to believe that it will one day go back to being the way it was before he changed. After about a year, I found out about one drug problem.. and then another, and another, and another. Every time I caught him he would cry and tell me he was going to stop but he hasn’t stopped and the drugs have become much more serious ones. The drugs have changed my perfect dream man into a person who is now angry , irrational, snaps, lies, and emotionally/verbally abuses me. He is no longer a man that I recognize and I should have run like hell a long time ago.. but I keep hoping he will go to rehab and stop his addiction, & go back to being the man I fell in love with. It almost feels like all that has happened isn’t real, because how could such a wonderful man become such a horrible person in a short amount of time? He feels so bad about everything he’s done that now he’s trying to break up with me.. yet at the same time he doesn’t want to break up. Everyday, he tells me something different. One day he says he’s in love, the next day he says there is nothing in this world that I can do to make him ever feel the way he once did. Even though HE"S the one that messed up? His complaint is that I’m always angry at him, and it’s like.. well of course I am ! I’d stop being angry if he’d stop lying ! Any advice here? From what I can read from all your comments, his lying is never going to stop.

written by Guest221, 01 October, 2010

IF ANYONE is dating a compulsive liar, get out now. I know how it is, I dated one for 2 years, it is a COMPLETE waste of time, and it is one of the easier ways to completely destroy yourself. Dating a cl will make you question everything. It caused huge trust issues for me, and really once I was out I knew I regretted everything.
A compulsive liar may never be helped, and may never change-EVER. So when you find out, move out while you can.
Don’t think of it as giving them up, think of it as saving yourself.

written by Syndee, 05 October, 2010

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 6 years. When we met he had 2 sons. A year ago he told me that he had a 3 year daughter with the same woman he has his other 2 children with. He said that he felt horrible about keeping it from me, and he wanted to tell me everything so that we could work on our relationship. I really loved him and wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt since the infidelity happen nearly 4 years ago. Now a year after finding out about his daughter, I learned through public records that he was married. When I confronted him he admitted that he started dating me a year after he got married. He said that things weren’t going well in his marriage and that I was the one he really wanted. Him and his wife separated shortly after we started dating, and they have been divorced for the past 2 years. He says he never told me about the marriage because he knew I wouldn’t want to be with him. I’ve met his entire family and no one ever mentioned it to me. He showed me the divorce papers, and now he says that this is the whole truth, and he’s not keeping any more secrets. He claims now that everything is out in the open he feels like we can move on from this. He says that he still loves me wants to work on the relationship. I still love him as well, but I don’t know if I can believe a word he says. How can I continue to be with someone I feel like I don’t even know? I feel like our whole relationship was based on a lie.

written by Mary916, 17 October, 2010

Yes hi there. Okay, so like I totally like some of you’s response to this question. I have been in a relationship with a guy for 3 years now, and he’s been lieing to me since from the beginning. Like, I know he loves me and all and wants to be with me, but he just lies about stupid things. I ask him why he needs to lie for, and he tells me it’s his pride, he doesn’t want to look stupid and plus he doesn’t want to argue with me even when he tells the truth. I’m so tired of him hurting me and I’m tired of the heart ache, because this is the one guy that I love so much and I’m so honest with him. I broke up with him couple of times, but this time..I really feel that I need to let him go, but I just can’t. Every time I see him or be wit him, it just brings back so much memories, but I know that deep down, I need to let him go. I just don’t want to waste yet another year with him, and all he’s going to do is lie to me and hurt me again. I don’t know what to do...Please someone help me or give me some advice on what should I do in my situation. Thank you.

written by Misses Loving to Hurt, 01 November, 2010

I’ve been with my boyfriend for over a year now. We met on a phone chat and talked for 3 months EVERY NIGHT before we actually met each other. I fell in love with him over the phone. He sells drugs (crack) and i hate it. We started talking last Sept and he got shot in Dec after we met, that’s when i found out his real name and things that he has been lying to me about, I should have left but that brought me closer to him for some reason! He stopped selling drugs for 3 months and our relationship was good. Then in March he started walking again and lying to me about talking to girls and moved out of his family’s house and started selling drugs. Its been long distance for over a year and I’ve been nothing but loyal to him. I know he has cheated on me he’s a crack dealer and I’ve found condom wrappers in his room. I love him so much and I’ve tried leaving so many times & when i try leaving he hardly stops me. It kills me that i care about him so much and I’m only an option to him. Every night i cry because he ignores my calls or picks up and tells me that he cant talk and hangs up. I’ve got to the point where I’m so insecure, I’m so jealous and i hate it! I want to leave but mostly I just want him to care about me! I know I’m stupid for it.. & now he sells drugs in front of me, he’s getting comfortable with doing it. He drinks almost everyday, he’s helped me out financially with things and he keeps his promises a lot of the time. When he tells me he’s going to do something most of the time he does. I just want to be happy with him and I know as long as he’s doing this I cant trust him and its not going to work

written by Miss not very observant, 05 November, 2010

I dated a guy for about a year. He told me that he was in the Army and did two tours in Iraq. I listened to his stories and comforted him. Things started to not match up from the years he graduated high school to when he joined the Army. His other stories did not match with the timeline. You couldn’t have done all this stuff within these certain amount of years. I had some people tell me he might be lying, but I wanted to think he wasn’t like that. Lying about being a Veteran in general is really messed up. I realized how stupid I was to believe all this, but I’ve got to say he’s a good story teller. When I broke it off, he felt a little taken back until he realized that I was not going to be there anymore. I’m not sure if he is a compulsive liar. He mixed parts of things that were true with some of his stories. But I wouldn’t know what he said was actually true. I do believe that his Exes did cheat on him with his good friends, because he mentioned it in front of his friends and his friends didn’t seem to disagree to that statement. I think it might be insecurity and low self esteem. Saying he was in the military could’ve been something he wanted to impress me with? I ended up finding out more things he lied about. Yes it’s disappointing, but I’m going to confront him later probably. I’m still going to be his friend. I took this breakup pretty well, surprisingly. Yes it’s disappointing to know that I was lied to for this long, but hell I got some good memories out of it and some that I knew were genuine. Why put more effort in getting upset about things that are over and done with because you are only hurting yourself. Just don’t do it again and be more careful next time.

written by annonymous, 15 November, 2010

Hey.. I am just so upset now with my boyfriend that I cannot bear it..
I had realized that he has been talking to many girls lately and is lying about it.

written by cutie67, 17 November, 2010

I know the feeling of all of these things. Sadly I bust him on lies these are ones from little things to him having dating profiles to him lying about his education and to his past. I have been with him almost 2 years and we cannot go through 30 days without me busting him on something. He goes out any buys me a gift or a promise ring to bypass the situation and when I catch him red handed he still lies to me. I have decided as horrible as it seems to keep this jerk around after 2 years of doing everything for him and he still shows no respect for me what so ever. So I figured once I am done with school (presently finishing now), once I feel better about the few things I didn’t like about myself, I am leaving but financially he helps me out while attending so I feel he wants to keep me around because I am his best option (every girl he has talked to online blew him off I found out after talking to well over 50 of the ones I know about). I realize he is only an option so when I have my school done in a few weeks and make a better income, I am out. I am now officially looking for something better. 2 years and I have had enough.

written by Engaged and Confused, 18 November, 2010

Hello! Everyone’s stories about the lying sound way too familiar. I have been dated my fiance for a little under two years. We got engaged last march and we are supposed to be married next September. We have always been the closest most amazing couple from the very start. He is the gentlest man I have ever met, and I have never believed that he ever wants anything other than my happiness. He has gone great distances to show me that. However, I had always noticed little things here and there that didn’t quite add up, or that made me suspicious. This month it seems everything this had come from the woodwork and we have been fighting non-stop. When I ask him about something he gets very angry and defensive and yells at me for always starting fights, or being a drama queen. But in the first incident I found he was text messaging one of my friends one night while him and I were out together. He blames this on alcohol now. The text messages were insignificant. He was simply making sure she got home okay since we had all been out drinking that night. However, when I found them he lied and called me crazy and denied it for hours, until he finally broke down crying and begging for forgiveness. When I ask him why he did it he says he can’t remember, and that he’s embarrassed. The second time ( about 2 weeks later) I found out he was sports betting online after he specifically told me numerous times that he had closed his account. Again he screamed and yelled at me for checking up on him and said I always have to start a fight. Then he came back around later apologizing and telling me he was definitely done betting. I have checked up on him and he hasn’t been doing it. Finally, I just found out today one more thing he was doing which Id rather not talk about, but it has to do with selling things to bodybuilders over the internet. Apparently he had a whole other source of income that I didn’t know about. This time he was pretty open with me and said he was only hiding it from me so that I wouldn’t worry. How can I show him that its the LYING that makes me worry. I don’t care about anything else he does. I don’t ever judge him for his shortcomings and I don’t ever tell him he can’t do something. How do I move forward from this, and can I trust him???? I seriously doubt he would ever intentionally hurt me. But I’m terrified of marrying a liar.

written by flowergirl, 20 November, 2010

Hey can anyone give me advice on how to deal with my lying boyfriend; we’re supposed to be getting married next year and all he does is lie about the simplest things; first of all he has lots of girlfriends calling his cell phone; he claim they’re just friends; there are times when am right next to him he would pretend he is answering the phone when all he does is abort the call. He claims he lie to protect our relationship and does not want to get me upset; he had promised to be more open and honest with me but its the same little lies over and over again; I don’t know what to do; my family has finally accepted him and am so in love with him.
for example he lied to me about a new cell phone he got recently; I actually saw the box the phone came in; in the garbage he told me he didn’t know anything about this phone; eventually I found the same phone in one of his pants pocket; the explanation he gave me was so inferior; am wondering if he is a compulsive liar; can anyone out there please help me and give me some advice on what I should do am about to end the relationship; am not sure if its worth my while staying with someone I cant trust anymore; or talking things over with him. PLEASE HELP!!!!!!

written by Lost!, 01 December, 2010

First things first hun. You can’t trust him and understandably so. There are times when a woman can get a bit ahead of herself, but when your man is hiding calls, then it’s time to wonder who is on the other line. Not that i would recommend it, but have you ever looked at his phone? Sometimes when you are on breaking point its the last thing to do. However if you truly want this relationship to work it will just make more problems.
Men like this are ruining women like us. They plant suspicion in our heads that sometimes follows into future relationships. You need to look out for yourself and realize, if it’s not perfect now then its probably never going to be. Although only you will choose what to do. You need to think of yourself first. If he were to never change, could you really put up with this forever? If it’s a no, there’s your answer.
Hope this helps!

written by In desperate need of advice!, 01 December, 2010

I too have encountered a compulsive liar! Its so horrible. PLEASE HELP.

I had only been with my ex a few months and we were great friends before. The relationship was amazing and he treated me so well. He told me that his aunt had died and that his mum had moved to France so I understood he was having pretty rough times, so much so he went to counseling. It was then I found out he was lying about it all! It was so disgusting that he would lie about family death. When confronted he tried to cover that lie up with more lies. In the end he said its cause he wanted attention from me when he was already getting loads. But he could see I wasn’t having it. He actually does suffer from depression. But I can’t think of anybody who is sick enough to lie about that. He now says that I’m over reacting and that we should get back together as I immediately dumped him as he swore on my life initially he was telling the truth. He is also one of those guys who doesn’t do calm conversations. Any talks and he says I’m attacking him so he gets defensive. Even when I’m completely calm. He is just mad at himself for the stupid selfish lies.

To male things even better, we live together! This is not intentional but we are both uni students and before we were together, us and 2 other friends decided to live together the following year. We broke up just after we signed the contract so there is no way I can get out of it. It horrible now. He is an immature little boy. I needed time away from him but he doesn’t understand and tries to force himself on me. The hardest thing is that I still have strong feelings for him. So it is almost like he is taunting me with something I cant have. We argue all the time and study the same course at uni so are constantly together. We even have the same friends. I could never get close to a new guy with him living in the same house. Somebody please give advice. PLEASE!

written by Why Am I Here!, 08 December, 2010

I have read all these stories and I must say...Oh my Gosh... The man in my life of 16 months has been lying to me as well. I suspected last year after I moved in that he has been doing a lot of online activity. So I investigated and found that in yahoo he has been flirting with women. He stays up late, and knowingly has to be at work at 6 a.m. I bring up the topic and he flares off at me saying things like "I am insecure and doesn’t trust him", than he later says sorry and stays off the computer for a couple of days. Next week he is right back at it... recently I made a trampy yahoo Id and pursued him and he fell for it. My question is Do I stay and help him or Run. In my heart I know i love him but the things he told this girl(me) was that he thought I was crazy and he didn’t love me(previous ex). When he got off the computer and came into the room he was all cuddle cuddle and wanting to spoon and have sex..He kept saying those words "I love you" Is this a freakin game to them? I’m better than this. Why does this not make sense.....I’m so confused. I have always thought I would not be a victim to this game and yet here I sit. Sincerely, Am I being Loved or Am I being USED.......

written by WASTE OF MY TIME, 22 December, 2010

Yes I too am in the same position. My guy lies about stupid things like when I met he did not tell me his real age, then he told me his phone got shut down, and suddenly it starts working. Next lie was that he never pick up the western union money I sent him. When U called they said he received the money. I am seriously ready to run. My advice to woman if a man has to lie about every little thing then its not worth the pain, confusion, and hurts. Because one small lie will turn into big lies and he will have to keep covering up and you’ll keep uncovering and you will be fed up. Soon you will be too old to move on and regret everyday that you stayed. Because basically your relationship will be based on lies. That may never go away.

written by the little things, 10 January, 2011

My boyfriend doesnt cheat on me but habitually lies about the most mundane ridiculous things. Last night i woke up to him talking to himself in the other room. I asked him about it today and i expected him to just laugh it off, but instead he lies! Then tried to tell me i must have imagined it.

written by elephantshoe, 10 February, 2011

my fiance lies all the time.... mostly about dumb stuff, but lately its been about going to work.... he tells me he goes and doesn’t....we have been together for 5 years and he can’t keep a job... i’m tired of having to pay for everything.... he treats me good but i can’t stand the lying... he was diagnosed with depression and was supposed to see a doctor about anxiety.. i tell him that this is not fair to me ,and he tells me that i’m not very understanding and supportive... i’m not sure how much more of this i can take... i feel to embarrassed to leave him and move home... i just wish he would go to work... it would fix everything

written by VeryConfused, 22 February, 2011

I am in the same situation as all of you. I cant believe that there are this many people out there that are compulsive liars!! And this is just the people that have found this page. It’s really messed up. I’m in a relationship with a girl thats been pushing 2 years, and I feel like I can never believe her. I know for sure that she lies, I’ve caught her in at LEAST 100 lies, like straight up red handed. And shes still never admitted to even ONE!!! She just sidesteps out of it, and then finds another excuse. And if I bring it up months down the line, theres a different story. PROOF that she lies so much that she forgets what she even told me. Its insane to think about...and i just fucking loaned her 1k today...then as we were in the leasing office, some guy that she "never even sees or talks to" calls her phone, and she ignores it all quick and awkward. Weeks earlier I saw his HOME number as well as his cell number in her phone. I was what the fuck was that all about and shes like "oh I dont know why hes calling me thats weird.."So I ask why she didn’t pick it up and shes like well because were like at the leasing office and stuff...SMELLS LIKE BULLSHIT. I know I need to get out but she always is so sweeeet to me. She makes me things and buys me stuff and tells me how smart I am and just makes me carry on when I’m feeling low...but how can I carry on like this? I feel like if we were married for 5 years straight that there’d still just be lies every day. And every lie just morphs into another, and other lies cover up others. I know I need to get out but I dont know how....

written by Young Wife, 09 April, 2011

I am honestly shocked at how many people are in a similar situation to my own. I did a search for advice for myself, and now find myself giving advice instead.I was with my man for two years, facing constant lies and always being made to feel like I was the one at fault. I tried having non-invasive conversations about it, I pretended not to find out, I acted like it was no big deal, I threw fists, I threw him out, I tried leaving... Honestly, I did it all. As our wedding day approached, I was always convinced that it was all going to change, and blindly convinced that the lying "had been getting better"... Note that this view was based on the very lame excuse of, "Wow, he hasn’t lied all week!" for example. Days before the wedding, I thought my growing concerns were only cold feet. Against my better judgment, I have now been married 2 years.
I remember what it was like in the early days of relationships – No one here is the only one to have ever felt like this liar was the love of their life, and therefore it just had to get better. We all did exactly what I did. But the truth is, you can run. And honestly, the hurt does subside. Everyone deserves love, but those who are incapable of fulfilling someone else’s life with honestly are not ready for love until they admit and address their problem. And you can’t do this for them. All you can do is change yourself. I have finally decided that I need more out of my life – Every time I responded to his lies, I was always concerned with changing him. And when I did change myself, I became someone I don’t want to be and it still didn’t change a thing. Get out while you can. Divorce sucks.

written by Help me?, 15 April, 2011

I, too, could possibly be dating a compulsive liar. But I’m not exactly sure, which is why I need help. We’ve been dating for over 7 months, but even before we started dating he would make up the most ridiculous lies and go to high extents to make me believe him. I’ve come to the point where I pretend to believe the things he say, when in reality I really don’t. Some examples of the lies he has told are these:
1. He told me he had a cousin named Jim. And "Jim" was hitting on my best friend. Telling her that they should hang out and that me, her, my bf, and him will all hang out. And when the day comes that we had planned to hang, "Jim" would not show up. not once. eventually me and my friend became very suspicious and found out that it was really my boyfriend, pretending to be some random guy to get me to hang out with him. He even got one of his friends to pretend to be jim to come meet me and my friend to convince us that jim was real. A month or so after meeting this so called jim, we found out who this kid really was, and his name most certainly is not jim. But I just blew it off because I didn’t wanna hold a grudge.
2. Me, my dad, and my sister go deer hunting every year. So the weekend of deer opener, I left with them. My boyfriend had told me that he was going hunting with his neighbor and some of his buddies. That weekend he told me that he had got a nice doe. and went on to tell my dad and my sister and everyone else. But it just so happens that his neighbor was the one that tagged the deer and didn’t allow my boyfriend to get any of the meat. I know he was lying but I don’t have the heart to call him out on it.
3. A current lie that he has told me (just a couple days ago) is that his grandpa had passed away. And I felt sorrow and told him i was sorry for his loss, and all that. But later that day we hung out and he seemed like his normal self. And when we went to his house, his mom seemed like herself. As if nothing had happened. He hasn’t said one thing about it since.

-I love him. And my family loves him too. I would hate to have to call things off. I just don’t know what to do. I don’t wanna waste my time dating someone whose going to lie about the stupidest thing. Help me? Please?

written by Nothing but lies, 04 May, 2011

I feel all your pain. I dated a guy for 10 months he is 47 now and still thinks he did nothing wrong. I caught him out last aug but stupid me wanted to make the relationship work so I forgave him. He has a few women friends but I didnt have a problem with it, but later on I did with one particular woman who constantly called him about her problems and as usual he would just say we good friends. Turns out they are more then friends like I had suspected, he treats her like crap and talks to her like crap but she still there sticking by him and giving him money etc. I read with my own eyes that she loves him and misses him when he was with me and he told her the same that he loves her and misses her. He is bipolar and a compulsive liar, very out going and has loads of friends who will do anything for him they all blind, I know him better then he knows himself. He will never change he will always be CL because he has gotten away with it for years and in reality why change when it has always worked. This was a long distance relationship and i tried my hardest to make it work. Not only me that has suffered but my children did too, they saw him as a father figure. Now I hear he telling everyone that I have never gotten over my ex and thats why we split up ! nothing but lies upon lies to cover his backside that he cheated on me in march and if it hadnt been posted on facebook I would never had known, because I sure as hell know he would not have told me.Love is blind and I did love him and still do but will never trust him again, I just feel sorry for the next woman (victim) that comes into his life. Worst thing also was that he wanted to marry me, its disgusting lieing about that in such an easy way. Now I am trying to move on taking one day at a time healing my heart and getting on with my life,never again will this happen to me, I should have thanked him for opening my eyes to the evil cruel person he is and tell him i have learnt a great deal never to allow another man like that enter my life again..Hope you all find happiness and good luck for the future x

written by my story part 1, 18 May, 2011

I feel that I have had my fair share of interesting relationships. However, this last one takes the cake (I believe that is that way the saying goes). Reading all of your stories, even the ones from 2006, have really helped put a lot of things into perspective. I know that there are many things I should have done differently, but I prefer to believe that we can learn from our mistakes. I let myself be caught by the physical attraction, even though I knew that he had a GF. I thought that we had a connection, but that came later as he discovered my interests and philosophies (even as they were difficult for him to understand). Be careful. You can observe them changing their behavior to accommodate your desires. I have read in other posts that it’s important to observe what they do, not what they say and this has been the best advice I have read aside from running!

So, just to sum up my story: I met him through an acquaintance. He was tall and attractive. I instantly fell for him. He denied he had a GF at first. Later he did confessed, but I was already hooked. Since I obviously did not leave, he took me for a ride. Within a month he told me he loved me. I thought it was too soon, but who was I to judge others feelings? I later fell for him too. I fell in love with the idea of him. That is another thing I have to come to terms with, he lied about who is was, so essentially I fell in love with something that was not real.

After 5 months or so, I told him that I could not continue to see him, since I didn’t feel right. That is when he told me he couldn’t break it off so easily since he got engaged (the worst part was that he said he was pressured into getting married, which was a couple of weeks after we had met). So, I was devastated and said, fine I’ll wait. I waited five more months and would constantly confront him about the situation. He told me he broke it off during a fight he had with her (because he went “missing” or his uncle went missing, I don’t even know anymore). I guess I was relieved. After that, we had a relatively good relationship. I was happy. We were in a long distant relationship for more than half of the relationship, which made the lies easier to maintain.

written by my story part 2, 18 May, 2011

The lies throughout this whole times were:
He lied about the job he had, which was the reason why he had to be in a different city (the same city where his GF). This whole time, he had moved in with his GF. His “real” job consisted of a temp job, or something. He hasn’t been able to finish his masters thesis, so he moved in with her so she can basically support the looser.

There is this saying that when you look for something you will find it. I sure did. At some point back in the relationship I had Googled his name and his GF’s name and they had a wedding registry online. So, I found out the day he was supposed to get married. A month before his wedding, he told me that his boss asked him to go with him to a conference to the Bahamas (during the time he was supposed to get married). I was upset because I thought it was an odd offer. He was trying to come up with a lie that would keep me from ever knowing that he got married. I was getting very anxious as the date approached. So, I checked up on the registry and it was still active. So, I confronted him about it, he asked me how I found out. He wanted to know I felt, what an *^#$%!. Well, I was obviously devastated. He always made himself the victim, we talked for hours that day. He cried, I cried. Now that I think about it, it was the most disturbing break up. I felt I had lost him. But, in reality I was saved.

Oh, it gets better: He told me that he was going to break of the wedding (a week before!), if he didn’t do it six months ago, he wasn’t going to do it now! So, even though I was very skeptical of him, I still saw him a few days before the wedding. He said he came to see me so I can get closure or to try to work things out, since he said he was going to get help. He told me he broke off the engagement and went to live with his parents. I thought he was on the right path to change for himself (and deep inside I was hoping he was doing it for me too). Yet, again it was all a lie! He lied to the very last day before the wedding. We were talking on the phone about how he was on his way to see the therapist!

The way I found out about how he went through with the wedding was that his new wife changed her last name on FB the very next day. Which makes me think, wouldn’t a happy couple be on their honeymoon? It seems that she may have her doubts about him too, that she had to post it right away. I don’t know. I don’t judge her, if anything I understand her. I know it’s not my place to get in contact with her and tell her how I was involved with her present sociopath husband. But, I’m sure she knows about who he is.

He told me that, he did have a problem lying and that he had to let go of the person he care the most about, which was me (but, I’m pretty sure this is a lie, as he wants to keep me for later as soon as he is done with his present wife).

The other thing that bothers me is that how can they lie, when with our access to technology, it’s so easy to catch someone on a lie. It really is hard to come to terms with this experience, I am fortunate though. I was able to escape, I just hope my strength holds for when he comes knocking. Does anyone have advice as to how to go about if this situation happens? I know myself, and I’ll talk to him just to make sure he knows I finally know what he is. But, maybe it’s just best to have absolutely no contact…

written by Needtoletitgo, 24 May, 2011

A guy I used to date only lied about girl-related things. He is charming, intelligent, assertive, well educated, goal-oriented and good at what he does etc, doesn’t seem to have low self-esteem. He said he only say what he means. Said he would always be honest with me about his feelings. Sarcastically enough one time he told me he watched a movie about a husband cheating on his wife and said he was so angry why would people lie and that he would try not to lie. From that I was so convinced that he was an honest and ethical man and trusted him even more, partly why I couldn’t believe he was lying until I confirmed it from the other girl.
I have a really hard time understanding why he had to lie. He seemed so sincere and calm and logical when he lied. Took him little time to come up with an excuse. I’ve never experienced such a thing in my life. I mean it looks like he really went out his way to establish a trustworthy image.
But what’s different about him is he actually warned me against deceitful people. He knew I was ready to trust people and said i should always try to tell people’s real intentions. He said maybe i liked him just cause he said all the right things. Said he hated himself many times. After I went to the other girl behind his back and exposed all his lies he was furious and tried to defend himself with new lies in front of that girl, but said he couldn’t be friends with me any more.
If he doesn’t lie about other aspects of his life (which i can say with some certainty is the case), does it mean he is not exactly a compulsive liar just lying to manipulate girls?
This whole thing has been haunting me for two weeks now and is the only thing I can think about at every waking moment. And I’m having my finals soon!!! I can’t keep doing this. But I really want to understand his behavior if it is possible!

written by Liarliarpantsonfirees, 02 June, 2011

I ask myself why I have held back, why I haven’t exposed him, on a regular basis. I too can relate with the embarrassment, the isolation from friends and family. I have hundreds of love letters, drenched with emotion about our "connection" our "pure love", how he is afraid that he will never be happy without me.

I met him at work. He was my bosses equal. He managed another team. I had gone though a break up. He had just gone through a break up. He was staying on one side of the country- she was moving 3000 miles away. He became my guy friend, listening to my dating stories. We started having lunch together. We started text messaging and emailing. I just thought of him as a friend. He and I connected. We were hysterical together. We started secretly meeting for lunch, drinks, etc- we didn’t want anyone at work to think anything was going on. But then 2 Christmas nights ago we met for a drink, drove to a park and talked for 7 hours before he kissed me. He romanced me, perused me and fooled me. I completely fell him.

Here are some of the things he has told me:
He has/had Stage 4 lymphoma. He was going through clinical trials. He would leave for treatment and couldn’t see me for 7 days of treatment and 4 days of recovery. He didn’t want me to see him as any less of a man.
He would tell me that he had 6 months to live- if that. I cried on a daily basis. I went to group therapy. I got saw a psychiatrist who prescribed Xanax. He would tell me that we should stop dating because I deserved to get married and have children, because I was the most wonderful person alive...the only silver lining.
Well, that was 18 months ago. He told me he was headed to San Francisco for treatment. I had a gut feeling that something wasn’t right- so I called his office. He was there- but 15 minutes earlier he and i were on the phone and he told me he was in a cab in San Francisco.
Should have left him then. I’ve said that so many times.
A year later- I find out that the girl that moved 3000 miles away, and then back- "as friends"- and then away again- was never under the assumption that they had ever been anything but in a committed relationship- when she emailed me one day...just 2 weeks after I visited him 1500 miles away while he was taking a grad course (we’re in our mid-30’s)
I’ve begged him to leave me alone. I stopped calling, emailing. I’ve Told him I was dating. But then the emails come- just when I feel like I can breathe again. The I love you’s. The letters that say everything that every woman dreams of hearing. My girlfriends have been blown away when they’ve read our correspondence.
I am embarrassed. I’ve been humiliated. I’ve been disrespected. And all and all I’ve felt like I was the most important, dynamic, beautiful, charming, witty woman in the world.
After 2 months of separation I let him back in...after he drove 1500 miles and delivered flowers to my door on my birthday- in the middle of the night. he is crazy- and so am I. I leave for a weekend trip with him in 2 days and after that, and after reading all of these similar posts, I believe I will start picking up the pieces to my life, without him. Or maybe I lie to myself just as much as he lies to me?
Just wondering if anyone knows why the CL just will not let us go. Anyone have an answer?

written by montanagirlhurt13, 06 June, 2011

GET OUT GET OUT NOW! I am so sad to read all of these stories...mainly because I feel so dumb for staying in a broken, abusive, relationship with a CL for almost 8 years. He tore my life apart and while being affected by his poison I gave up my dreams, quit a college sport I was on full scholarship for and moved 3000 miles back home to be with him. I cannot believe I allowed him to take full control of my actions with his constant lies. I would catch him in lies over and over about small things to very Big things, but he would never admit to anything even if I had concrete evidence in my hand. It all started when I moved away for college my freshman year and he was still a senior at our old high school (another choice that was affected by his sociopathic and narracissisti nature)...I went to a college only 6 hours away when I had offers from schools all over the country to stay close so I could visit on the weekends...school and sports got busy and I couldn’t afford to come home on the weekends all the time, but we had decided to stay together and do the long distance thing...well he cheated the first chance he got with a girl who I hadn’t gotten along with in high school. Lied about it, and when I came home we hung out with her and he acted like nothing had happened...and that’s the one I know about from that year, only because she told me 3 years later when we went through a training class together...from early 2006 to march 2011 I found out he (he was 21)had dated a 16 year old girl who dealt drugs for over a year, took her to prom, slept with her, and slept with a ton of her friends, random girls...a guesstimate of the numbers would be small at 40. All this time I was sending money and cards and sympathy his way while he told me how horrible his life was and he had none and nothing but me. I cried all the time and resented where I was, all of my opportunities, and started blaming myself because I had moved so far away to follow my dream. It was somehow my fault in my mind. I thank god everyday for getting checked and being lucky enough to be std free and clean of anything like HIV! I got lucky though..I was terrified! I cannot believe the twisted web of lies I fed into and had faith in him the whole time...all the girls became my enemy when the biggest culprit was the one sleeping inches away...I fell so deeply into this CLs lies that I felt bad for him constantly! He was always someones victim. I moved home December of 2009, got two jobs to support us because he supposedly could not find a job, he hadn’t been looking. He lied, cheated, and took money from me...I was a horrible friend while I was with him to all of my friends and lost contact with them and my family didn’t even want to be around me because I wasn’t myself...wrapped up in his lies. I wanted to leave so bad, but I couldn’t until I met a friend who finally gave me the shoulder I needed to cry on, bitch to, and realize he wasn’t worth it. I had gained almost 60 lbs while depressed, abused, and suppressed by this man and lost 70 by the time I had enough guts to leave him...I regained my strength, self respect, and courage. My friend that had helped me became more than a friend and he is the most wonderful man I’ve ever met...I didn’t even know men like him existed. I thought they were all like my ex.I left him and have not been happier...he still tries to contact me and I’ve blocked his number, changed all my emails, and even went as far as to file complaints against him to our local police force. He would stop at nothing to make sure I wasn’t happy. Recently a girl we both worked with contacted me out of the blue and asked how I was...same girl I had accused him of cheating with. I never talked to this girl other than at work and her sudden interest in me made me laugh...he’s running his game on someone else already, while reading through my blacklisted texts from him alll saying I love u so much blah blah come back...she never admitted to them having a relationship..but I never asked because at this point it doesn’t matter...all I can be thankful for is that his intense hold is gone from me and my life is mine again. I’m picking up the pieces now and figuring out where I want to go from here...the important part is whatever I want to do now...its me making the decision, not him. I’m a better person for what I went through...I just hope girls who find themselves in this situation get out..its no way to live and it isn’t worth it. Trust me. RUN!

written by howdoiletgo, 07 June, 2011

I have just found out that my bf of 2 years has been lying to me. His friends told me that he had been following/spying on me and also that my bf has asked his friends to spy on me. He moved in with me 8 months ago and not once paid a bill. He just recently told me that he never graduated college and that he filed bankrupt after his first marriage. So I just recently told him to move out. We went for a few days without talking but I do care for him but I know I deserve better than this. He is GREAT with my kids and is a good dad to his children. But I need a man who can trust me and help with the bills. Should I continue to be friends or cut all ties. PLEASE HELP!

written by Liarliarpantsonfirees, 11 June, 2011

Well, I went away for the weekend with him. Unfortunately, I couldn’t hold back like I used to. I called him out at the end of the weekend. I sent him an email that asked him questions I haven’t had the courage to ask- because I knew once I confronted him I would put up a wall between us, we wouldn’t be able to look at each other the same again, he would know that I knew that he was a liar.
I caught him walking to his car- 20 minutes after I dropped him off at his gate at the airport. He was flying back "home". The truth of the matter is that he already moved back here. When he saw me he still tried to talk his way out of it. Needless to say it was upsetting. In fact, I feel worse than ever- finding him there. Ending it. There is a huge void- and I wish I could feel like the words that I said to him- the things that I said to cross the line into an awful place wouldn’t hurt either of us. Now, there’s no turning back. I asked him many times to say something terrible to me so i could leave him. He never could. After 19 months and countless lies- i had to be the one to do it. I don’t feel good about it. It’s devastating. It’s just sad. It’s sad and as much as he lied I will always miss the good part of him.
Good Luck everyone. It doesn’t seem like it ever gets easier.

written by rose-april, 19 June, 2011

k well last night my boyfriend decided to go inside and try to cheat on me while im standing outside and he always talks about how high and mighty he is because hes never cheated on any of his gf’s, Anyways and hes in a trailer not even ten feet away. Anyways my friend walked in on my man grabbing another girl and hugging her and trying to cheat on me and shit, The wiered thing is i gave him dirty looks all night because i knew something was going on how did i exactly know this, hes so nice to her he handed her beer and smokes all night and he always was so persistent that she come on the rally ride with us that night what just so he could fucking flirt with her and my friends even sent her home because they knew what was going on and he told all of them not to tell me thank-god i have an amazing friend and i knew the minute he met her he was attracted to her and always told me how pretty her face was and she is in gr nine i am in gr 12 and he is 24. so later that night then i found out 4 hours later what he did. How could somebody sit there all night and pretend to love u and act like nothing was going on who tells you they love you, and had been with you for 3 YEARS! what i dont get is he said that it wasnt her that wanted to do things it was him wow i think thats just an excuse because one of my good friends bf did the same thing with the same girl and she is fucking ugly and wow does that ever hurt to hear that he wanted to hurt me!!!!! how can i still be with someone that lies straight to my face and has done shit like this in the past is he gonna do this to me again is it gonna be worse next time how in the fuck do i ever trust him again? im not sure im still puzzled why i am here he acts like nothing has happened just like when he has done shit in the past to i dont even know if he thinks about my feelings and my heart is broken in pieces he said he did it because he didnt think i loved him anymore how am i even suppose to love him i cant even look at him barley i keep questioning everything am i doing the right thing !!! please if u have any comments please do so to

written by how do you deal with it?, 10 July, 2011

My boyfriend of 7 months in the beginning he was so sweet he was the best thing that had ever happened to me but recently all his lies have been catching up with him. he has lied to me so many times ive lost count about his ex girlfriend for 3 years,hes talked to her behind my back! but ive forgiven him for that. but he lies about the smallest things. things he has no reason to lie about.. one day i asked him why does he feel like he needs to lie & he sat down & told me that hes had a problem with lying & hes been to counseling but he still lies & idk what to do! hes tearing us apart! idk whats the truth anymore! ive tried to talk about it but he doesnt want to he avoids it everytime i bring it up! a part of me wants to leave because im tired of being hurt but a part of me is still holding on to all the good times. right now hes moved back in with his parents because we broke up but weve been talking about getting back together but HE IS STILL LYING TO ME! hes lied about a "job" he has, the reason i know is because he calls me & i ask arent u suppose to be working & he says yeah but ill go in later.. like what kind of job can u just go in anytime u want?? && he wont tell me what he does first he said driving a trunk then he said he was filing documents & he told me his dad owned it then today he told me his uncle owns it!... hes also lied about how many people hes had sex with when i first asked he told me 5 then a few weeks ago i asked again as a test to see if it was the same & he told me 10 hes driving me crazy & idk if i can do this anymore but i love him w/ all my heart & i hope things can get better i really do! if he continues to lie.. it will hurt but i have to let him go..

written by PetitBeth, 18 July, 2011

This is for every body that had to deal with patho’s. I have dealt with two of these sick people by the time I knew what i was dealing with it was late, not too late. The next one who dares will get hurt. Pathological liars are like flies; they just never learn. Human beings learn not to do something bad/ negative again, pathological liars learn how to do it better the next time. A pathological liar is simply childish, immature, a coward, insensitive and selfish (all negative and poison). Grownups know that facing life, making mistakes and learning is life and part of growing up. Liars dive into lala land and never come out, like children (but they grow up). As long as you get away with what you want (selfish). These people are not able to love someone else; loving another person means putting aside your selfish, negative behaviour and putting another persons happiness before that. It is normal for friends and family to want to "save"this person, but you can’t. Because they just don’t love you enough to let the habit go. They want to keep the habit and you, because it serves them well.Yes, it does; what they have earned is more than what they have lost. You stick around, don’t you? By the time you are awake they’ve moved on to someone else. Don’t forget that they have no regret. They have selected you to become friends in the first place, because of your selfless behaviour. Wanting to take care of them is exactly what they want from you. There is not a single normal person in the world who has to deal with this negativity. Open your eyes and see all the beauty that lies ahead. You will only be able to see and receive when you let old things (liar) go. You will feel hurt as if you have lost the love of your life. YOU HAVE NOT what you have lost is the person you WANTED them to be. These people are excellent in mimicking (being a mirror). They will crawl into your head and be what ever you want them to be so you can like them. It’s all in your head; they don’t exist (just physical). Just hang in there and LEAVE. Pray to God or the universe or what ever it is that you believe in to give you the strength.

written by Nikkita, 27 July, 2011

I’ve been dating this guy for 15 months and we’ve been through everything together. At one point I was homeless and lived with him and his family. He’s a cl and I just found out because he hid it so well. I felt betrayed and i know there is probably way more but he cant tell me the truth

written by Broken-hearted girl, 31 July, 2011

I broke up with my boyfriend of 5.5 years almost 3 months ago. As most of the compulsive liars described here, he is a charming, friendly, sociable guy who is liked by pretty much everyone.
We lived together the whole time we were a couple – although sharing with other people too – but for the last couple of years things hadn’t been good. I started realising that his little white lies were turning into something bigger. He lied about working till late (yet he would come home smelling of alcohol), having to start early, lied about where his money was going, lied about his salary, and whenever I paid his rent because he didn’t have money he would then come up with elaborated stories about the bank transfer having failed-the bank not returning the money-the wrong claim form being filled, etc so he never returned the money to me.
He was lying mainly about financial matters and working hours. And going to the pub. I asked him an explanation, and I wondered if he was cheating on me, but of course he denied and I didn’t do much investigation work as I decided to believe his words.
But it went on and it got worse. MY head was spinning for weeks as I really couldn’t tell anymore when he was lying and when he was telling me the truth. He was so convincing at giving explanations for everything and making me feel guilty! But it is horrible when you love someone and have been with someone for such a long time and you realise you cannot trust their words anymore.
His love and affection started disappearing too and every time I try to talk to him about all this he would get angry and very defensive and make me feel bad about it. Our conversations always turned into fights. He would never admit to lying.
Although I still loved him much I couldn’t take this anymore and told him that it was best to go and live separate for a while. A pause for thought. At first he didn’t like it, then he said he wanted to make it work and that he knew he had done bad things. He admitted that for months he used rent money to go partying and drinking, and that he hadn’t told me before because he was scared. I became hopeful that things would turn for the best and that honesty would be back in the picture.
We moved out and kept in touch as friends. And it was less than a month later when he told me his feelings for me had changed a long time ago and he only wanted to be friends. So the "I want to make this work" was a lie...But he didn’t admit to it. Since then our contact has started reducing but every time I talk to him (no more than once a week now) he still lies about his working hours, where he has been, when I am going to get the money back etc. He even lies to his flatmates (who are mutual friends) about going/not going to the pub after work. It just seems that he cannot tell the truth.
And now I am wondering about many things that he told me during first few years of our relationship and that had always seems a bit too much of sob stories to be true, i.e. the fact that his previous flatmates had done a runner and left him with all bills to pay (this is how he justified his bad credit rating), or the one about his ex-girlfriend who had appeared out of the blue to claim that he was the father of her child, or the very posh house that he had bought in his home country and that he was paying really high mortgage for. I always believed these were true stories but now after all the lies of the past two years I am actually wondering if there was any truth in what he said to me. His feelings for me up until 2 years ago were true, I could feel that, but that’s probably the only truth.
So reading the stories on this forum and looking at mine I should feel grateful to have made a lucky escape, after all the hurt and lies. However I still love that guy a lot and I care about him and I would like him to sort himself out because he could be so much better than this. I suggested him to seek professional help but he refused to listen. He doesn’t admit to having a problem, either with his lies or with alcohol. So I am powerless, broken hearted and very empty inside.

written by A lier and a cheater, 08 August, 2011

I thought I was alone and the only one going through with this but after reading all the above experiences, i could really identify with most of them. I have been dating this guy for more than a year now and the relationship is a long distance one. He works in Iraq and was in the military for more than 12 years. I had fallen head over heels in love with this guy and I thought that he was my soulmate. However, recently i came across his emails and to my shock i read emails that he wrote to women behind my back during our relationship. Emails where he tells them the very loving words that he tells me. There was also an email where he was in a gay relationship...with a gay who was also in the military....how sick can this compulsive liar be!!!I felt so betrayed and hurt and decided to confront him. He denied it at first but then tells me that it was the women that were approaching him...blah..blah..blah....and for the gay relationship – he said he does not fuck gay guys but it was someone else using his email account......does he think im naive??? Just recently i saw another email from him to his gay lover and I have decided now that I will need to put this all to an end. In the past I always gave him the benefit of the doubt. Now I have made it my business not to make any contact with him because I cant allow myself to be taken for granted and be taken for a good ride by someone. I love this guy and I dont really know whether he really loves me even though he says that he loves me. I guess, having read all the experiences above has really given the surge to get rid of this "rubbish" in my life! I think my silence will send him a clear message...IT OVER!!! I like that saying – "get out while you can"".....

written by Dead Inside, 13 August, 2011

I was with my boyfriend for almost 5 years before he broke up with me. He said it was because of a lot of things that I needed to change -- my jealousy/paranoia being the most important one. But just like you guys, I’ve been living with a liar the whole time.

"...he is not capable of telling the truth about anything." / "Even when I try to make him feel safe and comfortable – that I will not judge him – he still abuses my trust."

EXACTLY.

I give him SO many chances to come clean with me. I tell him calmly that I understand, that I won’t be mad, that if he’s just honest with me, we can move on and I can forgive him. And still he refuses to just be honest with me.

It’s really hard to know that I have to move on. I feel dead inside, empty, lonely. Like I will never be happy again. I hurt every day. I feel physically sick every. Single. Day.

He says that he loves me, that he would never do the things I know he does. He will look me straight in the eye and promise me that he loves me too much to ever lie to me. He’s cried with me. But...it’s clear to me that it’s all just...lies.

I don’t know how to cope.
I love him and I feel like I need him, and he says he wants to make us work. But I know that he will never change. And I don’t know what to do about it. I know I have to move on, but I just...can’t.

written by surviving, 15 August, 2011

WHAT they do and HOW they go about doing it is WHAT they are, is their core, their heart. All the excuses, shifting blame, etc. are avoiding the truth: what is is what is.

written by Sara_, 30 August, 2011

You can never change a compulsive liar unless you are some kind of specialist.

My mother is a compulsive liar. I can tell you that whenever I confront her with her lies with logic, it ruins my day, my mood, etc, and the next day she still insists that what she’s saying is the truth.

It’s not worth your time, your effort, or your precious seconds. You will never get these days back. You live life only once. Live your life with someone who respects you enough, and wants to actually live life. Don’t waste time trying to rationalize with someone else’s lies and deliberate distortions of what happens.

I’m worried that if you marry this person, you will wake up one morning, realizing that you have wasted your life arguing, instead of living, and you would have missed out on many opportunities.

written by soooohurt, 05 September, 2011

Oh how I feel for everyone on here! I thought I was alone, the only person on the planet who was stupid enough to be believing all the lies my bf told me, I couldn’t believe my luck when I found him, the man of my dreams, tall, dark handsome and as we fell in love fast & furious my smugness knew no bounds, he told me he was very wealthy, we searched for our dream home, taking my family round to see it, shook on the deal, then mysteriously his solicitor died so halted the proceedings!! The lies from then on came thick & fast, everyone was telling me but I just couldn’t believe it! He loved me too much to be such a liar! Poor fool I was, now 2 years later I have finally found the strength to leave, soooo hard and my heart is totally torn in two, I’m sobbing as I write this but the lies have worn me down so much I’m am actually feeling physically ill most of the time, the last straw was visiting him as his home, (he was out) I phoned to ask where he was and he told me he was sitting in the very room where I stood!! I don’t know if I’ll ever get over this hurt.

written by Katy H, 01 October, 2011

I randomly stumbled upon this site while obsessively looking online for SOMETHING more that will tie "IT" all together and free me from this nightmarish pain. I met him during a bad time in my life. We had a blast and after being with a man for years before him who ignored me, this guy rocked my world. The passion brought me back to life. I felt high from the lover he was but slowly dark sides began coming out. He had "spells" where he’d become someone else (to a point I questioned if he had multiple personality) and it would turn into a night of hell. Then, in the morning, the man my heart melted over returned and said he was sorry and I couldn’t let go. It’s crazy. But his drug abuse (I now know was ten times worse than I ever thought) got old fast and I broke it off. And then I found out I was pregnant. We talked about it and he told me what I wanted to hear. He is so good at that. Gave me so much newfound hope. We wanted a happy home, a peaceful life, love, and to raise a beautiful baby. I invited him to move with me to Cali and he did. The first two months was so awful. He hit me once and then twice and went to jail. When he returned, he promised to get clean and never ever hurt me again. The next 5-6 mths was lovely! I mean, "lovely" for me...a girl whose expectations were so low now for some reason. I supported us financially, and we didn’t fight once. He never found a job (didn’t try really) and then the baby came. Soon afterwards, we went back home to our parent’s homes (where we met) and that’s when the nightmare officially began full-force. In a nutshell, one day after a binge where he went out and about with old friends I don’t know (lasted 2 wks), he returned and hit us. Me with baby in arms. Went to jail for a month. I went back home and he remained behind. Months later, he rang me and said he was clean and sober. I stupidly let him visit two more times. My life has been a Lifetime movie ever since. He comes then goes and on the cell, acts crazy! He admits to using again but there is so much more. Cheating....I am discovering he cheats. And this is what crushes me most. I know. It should be the other stuff. But I guess I thought this was one thing he’d never do. He has pretended to be a guy who is infatuated with drugs and isolating. NO WOMEN EVER! I now am learning there are many. MANY! And I cannot believe I wouldn’t see it much sooner. Of course he cheats. He lies. Has stolen money from me (on top of me supporting us) and even gets his mother to lie for him. And if you can do all that, you can cheat. He recently went to jail again. I’m relieved. Angry and hurt and nuts but relieved too. Maybe this is God stepping in and giving me a chance to escape. I hate myself for how my life has gone astray. I’m not white trash. Went to college, have a career, etc....I just fell into a dark pit. I kept holding onto the illusion I guess. My world feels so scary. I guess that’s why I keep digging for the truth. I find more creepy things but not the whole picture. I am thinking that if I find whatever I’m looking for the pain will instantaneously stop. I must be going mad?!! It’s so awful to be deceived this way. Towards the end (before jail) I begged him to tell me. I said that if he loved me like he keeps saying, he’d come clean and set me free. He just got more...weird...detached....and asked me if I want him to lie because there’s nothing else...just the few lies I discovered. The worst/funny is he’ll promise never to lie again and then next sentence get caught in a lie. And the funny part in that is MY head spins and I still get caught up in this weird web. I want out! I know I need therapy. I lost friends over it. Almost everyone. I AM not taking him back EVER. I am protecting my child. Got full custody recently in court. Restraining order. But still....I’m haunted. Twisted in my mind. Still searching....anyways, thank you! For telling your stories.

written by Youknowyou, 23 October, 2011

I don’t feel any of this is compulsive lying, this is the personality of a sociopath. Charming. Charming. Charming. Gives you the love you thought you could never find. Shit, we would all be dead from following Manson. It’s a fact. They are the most charming MF’ers and it is the hardest thing to quit. I would joke in the beginning and tell my other that he was like crack, I knew he was bad for me but I couldn’t quit. What prompted me to have the stupidity to stay with someone that made me feel that out of control….who the hell knows. All I know is 6-1/2 years later HE broke up with me and I’m still fending off his attempts to talk to me. Now that I have more separation and can see clearer, I’m terrified of my own weakness. It is true, it is like trying to break an addiction. And who wouldn’t be addicted to someone who knew "just how to make you feel perfectly loved".

written by i cant deal with it no more, 26 October, 2011

Deception is a hard one
I’ve lived with my hole life from my folks
I guess they lie to hide there mistakes there flaws
Sometimes to make them better than what they are
So they feel perfect and why not love a perfect person
But deep down they don’t love themselves they can love you and
Tell to they do but they have to realise that there not perfect and they have to learn to deal with imperfections of themselves
If that makes sense..

written by not sure anymore, 23 November, 2011

I have a fiance of 2 years and he’s a compulsive liar. everything i’ve ever told anyone about him is a lie and i feel awful for it all. he’s jeopardized the roof over my children’s heads on several occasions by not paying our rent to the point we’ve nearly been evicted twice. He lies when i catch his lies too. He tried to start an affair on a social networking site a little while back and he even lied when i found out saying it wasnt him but it was. He’s secretive too. He says he loves me and the kids but you don’t lie to people you love right? He’s meant to be sitting an exam for entry into the police but is he really there? is he really going to see a counselor afterwards? I’m not sure i’ll ever trust him again and it’s killing me that i’ve let someone do this to me and make me feel so awful about myself. like i wasn’t worth the truth. how do I tell the kids? I don’t want them growing up around someone like this even if he is their dad.

written by Kristy., 27 November, 2011

i have been in a this relationship with my boyfriend for almost 3 years now, he is my high school sweetheart. he is two years older then me, and sometimes it is a problem. everything was going great but then he went to boot camp for 6 months, when he got out everything had changed. we was still happy but not like we was before. now everything is going wrong! he used to party all the time and was always out doing stuff, it got to the point were he dont talk to know girls and i dont talk to any guys because we have major trust issues, and it just keeps getting worse. now we cant go a day without arguing or making each other mad and he always said i start everything, i am a bitch a lot but i tried to help my self and i have even asked for his help but i dont know what to do sometimes. i have to take meds to help me with stuff but he talks me into not taking them when i really need them. i also used to be so skinny and i felt beautiful now i have gained weight and have let my self go. i no longer feel like myself, i am a totally different person then i used to be, i used to be so happy and bubbly and the funnest person and wa topic of conversation. it got so out of control were i had to call 911 because he had put his hands on me. i was so scared and confused but at the same time i did not want him to get locked up. i did not know what to do, i did not know how to explain to my parents what had happened to my face. Noone can help who they love and love just dont go away and i love him , but i know in my heart if this dont workout anymore then i dont think i could get close to someone like that again, i dont want to be controlled by anyone and i want take it from no one ever again..love is not easy and love can be painful but it can also be the best thing u ever can have.

written by dazed in AZ, 28 November, 2011

I have been with this man for 20 years, I’m feeling so stupid right now. Found out that he lost his job because he got caught "making out" with a woman at work. I contacted her almost 6 months after the fact and the stories are the same, they were kissing and she took his pants down and someone walked in. I wondered if there have been others, he swears no, but I can’t help to feel like he’s lying still. I have found that he lies about a lot of things, things like quitting smoking, I told him he can’t expect me to believe the big stuff if he’s so willing to lie about the little stuff. Found out again recently that he is again smoking and when I asked he looked right at me and lied. I can’t express enough that this is a man that I fell in love with 20 years ago, life has pushed our relationship to the brink but we always pull through but this year has just been an eye opener, wondering where the man that loved and adored me went to, do I even know this man I am living with right now? How much more am I willing to put up with? Am I holding on to a life that no longer exists, living in the past with all the hopes and dreams of young lovers? This is the most difficult time of my life. I feel betrayed, I feel stupid, I feel depressed, I feel like I have failed and I know rationally that this is HIM not me but it is really hard to flirt with leaving after 20 years. I know I am rambling but I have to vent or I am going to explode. I feel like I have been married to a man that has never really showed me the real him and I am saddened by this idea. I know that I can ask him to leave, get divorced, deal with the kids, and maybe even find someone else to spend life with but I don’t even know that I would want to deal with someone else at this point and if I stay how long is it going to be until I am made a fool of again??? Thanks for "listening" I could go on but it just angers me.

written by Jatani, 03 December, 2011

Hey!
How about trying to understand and help someone who is a compulsive liar?
I’m finding it really difficult because all my life when I’ve told the truth... I’ve been hurt. Especially as a kid. So how about sticking by your man/woman and getting him/her some help? I know I need it!

written by Erinxxnicole, 04 December, 2011

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years, and throughout the time we’ve been together I’ve caught him in many little lies, the kind of lies that are stupid and don’t even need to be lied about. It was odd to me that he would lie about such silly things,but i ignored it.Eventually It progressed into bigger lies, like talking to other girls or lieing about places he goes. This past year has been hard for us, we argue about everything and there is always tension between us. I always felt he was hiding something from me going by his past lies, but EVERY TIME i asked him he promised he was hiding nothing. Yesterday he came clean to me that he’s been dealing marijuana for 7 months. This killed me. I am a straight edged person, and he knows I don’t like drugs. He had so many chances to tell me about this and he didn’t, and it’s a big thing to keep from the person your dating. I know if he can hide something this major from me, there must be way more things he’s keeping from me. I asked him what else he’s lie about but once again he says nothing, and I don’t even know how to believe him now. I don’t know what to do. Should I stay with him? How do I get him to come clean about everything?

written by rexy 13, 05 December, 2011

i have been dating a, well who i believe to be a compulsive liar for the last 10 months. when we got in the first argument it was because his parents told me his real age he turned out to be 19 when im only 15. My mom is telling me that she will not trust him no matter what, she said that all he wants from me is to get in my pants, could this be true? he loves me he gets nice things for me he takes me out but is it worth all of the lieing our whole relationship has been based on a lie and all i care about is his heart not what he has. please help what should i do????

written by xoxo, 14 December, 2011

wow I cannot believe how real this problem is. For so long Ive tried to pretend it didnt exist by drinking every night, until one day I realized the only person Im hurting is myself and that that the real problem is my husband. Ive even gone to the extent of blaming myself for all of his problems and lies, but its so hard to change that when you love someone so much...but once again I had to realize that you dont hurt the ppl you love, which i guess means he doesnt love me as much as i love him...its scary to see these posts about affairs and flirting...is that inevitable with liars? I know right now its about small stupid things like what he spent his money on and doing drugs(ok not that small),but if this is the outcome then i dont see myself sticking around much longer..Ive never felt so alone in this marriage and so dragged down in life..I know everyone is posting their personal experiences, but does anyone have a solution? have they tried counseling? or anything? I feel like Im going into a sad place that I dont think Ill come out of if I stay in this situation or if it doesnt change...and thanks everyone for posting your experiences because it has helped me open my eyes and not make me feel as alone as i was before.

written by timm, 23 December, 2011

This is actually me, not the young lady that had the issue but I am the compulsive liar. I have been dating this beautiful, incredible girl for just over 18 months I love her and I would be perfectly happy to never be with anyone else. She is great and has always been honest with me and just wanted me to reciprocate it. I had no idea of the issues I had until I was with her but it turns out I have just fabricated and exaggerated every possible situation. I think it has come from inherent unhappiness, I have always been a perfectionist and I have had some anxiety problems and I believe I have been trying to forge a fake background in which I persuade myself is true and therefore take comfort in. I have now let myself become so close to my girlfriend that everything I had conjured up she has found to be untrue through her deduction or my slip ups. I am now fully prepared to let her into the truth, I right a journal daily of lies I have told or truths I would normally have lied about. I am also using techniques to increase my positively in an effort to be happier within my own skin. The trouble now is that I really don’t know how she can ever trust me again, she was telling me just last night that she feels the most alone and needs someone to be close with, I’m lucky enough that she does want to be with me before anyone else but I’m not sure how long I can keep her like this. It’s great to have the pressure lifted but I hate what I have done to her, and if I could give anyone advice if you see symptoms of compulsive or pathological lying and you are in a position to get out, do it!

written by Sigh, 05 January, 2012

The hardest thing I find is the disturbing feeling of never knowing anything for certain. Something often feels off but there’s always an excuse or explanation. I wish I could see things in black and white cos then I would have a decision one way or the other. But no. Why must I sit here in this torturous grey territory?

I’ve been with my guy for just over 5 years. In that time he’s had several major depressions and a host of other "illnesses". Some just seem a bit hard to swallow, like the RSI that doesn’t seem to give him any troubles when he plays computer games all night. It all just starts to feel like it’s a put on to gain sympathy and time off work.

The thing is, I think in his mind he actually really believes all this is real. I’ve seen his mom baby him with every complaint. It’s like he’s grown up with this attitude that sickness will get him out of everything and no one’s ever told him to just get a back bone and get on with it. Including me, sadly.

After 5 years I hear all the "I love you’s" and I just don’t believe it anymore. If you love someone, how do you let them constantly have to look after you? I think in his world what he gives me is love, but to anyone else it’s just an immature love that won’t sacrifice themselves in any huge way to give to another.

I almost wish my guy was a cheater cos then at least there might be some evidence and reason to leave. But no. He just seems to want a cushy life at home with me as a substitute mom. All the "illnesses" keep making me feel sorry for him but I’ve given so much and have nothing left to give. I feel so mean but nothing he has is terminal illness. I just don’t understand this behavior at all.

I don’t know if this is compulsive lying or what, but I feel manipulated and all the multitude of doubts that come into mind make me think of the old cliche "where there’s smoke there must be fire". With no hard evidence I’ve just got mistrust, but there’s a lot there to back it up and how can a real relationship be built on that? Grrr and yet still I keep that flame of hope alive. Stupid.

written by The journey ahead have hope and Healing, 18 January, 2012

Ive read every single post and some of them I can feel the pain each person felt. I have so many questions Im still waiting for answers, but for now I feel like this happened to me for some reason and I hope someone out there can get comfort and hope reading what I have been thru and I have just recently experienced.(2012) Through this experience I have grown so much everything in life that comes our way good or bad makes us stronger and makes us who we are. I’m so sorry from the bottom of my heart for anyone this has happened.

The begging I “met the man of my dreams” I found my soul mate, my other half. He made me feel special. He made me feel like the most amazing woman in the world.It hurts to be lied to because it makes you think of the relationship half real, half fake or all fake. What these people have it is a sickness and I hope they get help. They have poor self-esteem. They are not happy with themselves so they pretend to be someone else they want to be. They want to make their life feel exciting because they think there life is just boring. Its sad because good hearted people fall for people like this all the time its pretty common around the world!It hurts so much because I truly loved this person. When I found out what he did I didn’t want to believe it, but it was right in front of me all along all the pieces to the puzzle were coming together. I believe that saying sometimes love is blind. It is better to have loved than to never love at all. This person treated me good the only pain he caused was his lies. This person gave me wonderful memories that I can have forever and this person broke up with me because I think he had a guilty conscious and him breaking up with me was a blessing in disguise. It was all in God’s plan for me. It just wasn’t meant to be.

Ive learned always listen to your heart and it is true if you look for something you will find it. Always stay true to your self know what you deserve and what you want out of life. I know I don’t deserve to be with a liar. He made me believe things that weren’t the truth. Take time to figure out what you want, remember its never to late to do what you want. I’m grateful it was only a year some people hold onto this person for their lifetime. We had a phone bill together and I called just one number and I found some answers before we broke up the girl was telling me things I didn’t want to hear but the truth. We had promise rings for each other and when we broke up I took mine off. He said the same things to the other girl she said he made her feel special he gave her all the feelings he once gave me. Do I miss him no, but I do miss the way he made me feel the feeling of being special and loved. I don’t deserve lies all I wanted was the truth. Even after our break up I just asked him for the truth and he just didn’t give me the truth. I want more answers but I know I need to accept that I wont get all my questions answered. I started to blame myself what did I do wrong that made him want attention from other girls, but it wasn’t my fault because I was good to him and I gave him my heart and trust and he just broke it. He will realize it one day! Whats done is done, he is my past not my future! Sometimes in life we learn the best the hard way and I am learning the hard way. Letting it out and talking about it will help you heal during this journey of letting go. My friend once said be sad because your hurting but don’t let him take away two or three months away of being sad because those two or three months I can never get back.

I’m learning to let go of the pain and lies. I’ve learned the best gift someone can give someone is honesty. Honesty hurts but I rather hear the truth than live my life with a trap of lies. I have hope in my heart to believe not every man is like my x. I have faith that some day I will meet my True Soul mate,the one who doesn’t lie and the one who is happy with himself and the one who will let me in his heart, but for now I’m healing. In this journey I am taking the time to clear my mind and take the relationship as my past we have a past for a reason.I am not going to close my heart because of this. I ask everyone reading this please don’t give up on love, love will come again but you will never know if you keep that heart closed let it heal and open up again! I’m staying true to myself, I’m not hiding my feelings. This happened to me for a reason. I know I’m done with blaming myself.
I have hope one day my heart will live again and I know I deserve to be happy and so does my heart, cuz the only person im really hurting is myself. I’m learning to let go. I hope my story helped someone else, a heart someplace somewhere out there. Remember who you are and life goes on and life is to short to waste it on someone you have no trust in. Stand up for what you believe in!

written by sad girl vic, 20 January, 2012

i am with someone like that at first he was soooooooooooooo nice and charming and liked my kids now he cant stand them and lies all the time about the littlest things ( i don’t understand it nor see the need )when i confront him he denies it and yells at me and when i ask others if it’s true because i can no longer believe a word he says he yells at me then too because he gets caught out or he will say something and during the same convo he changes it and i say but you just said this and he denies saying what he originally said.......... once he done it in front of a cashier and she said huh men that can’t lie good lol and he cracked it with me....... i want to leave but he got rid of all my furniture and there is only his here so i will be left with nothing for the kids (yet again as my exs have done).

written by Mark&Drew, 24 January, 2012

Just found this website and everything I read reminds me of my boyfriend. He is a CL. I’d bet he even lies in his dreams. White lies are his specialty; he peppers in some big lies for balance every so often… when I first started to pick up on his lies, I chose not to confront him because his lies were insignificant.I think sometimes he actually believes his lies 100% (he’d say: cross my heart swear to die – what I said is not a lie). I feel like it’s too late in game to start confronting him on lies he’s been telling for years (real example- he told me he has no brothers when in fact he has a younger brother) I love him but I tired of the lies… not sure what to do …

written by Thought I was going crazy..., 25 January, 2012

Wow! I thought I was actually going crazy. I have been in a relationship with a gorgeous, younger man for 6 months and I am starting to notice the lies. At first I wasn’t quite sure what the hell was actually going on but now I can see clearly.

He is so utterly over the moon in love with me. Treats me like a queen and he has a heart of gold. I thought I hit the jackpot with this guy and met the man I want to marry. My problem is this:

At the moment he is unemployed, with 2 kids and living with his parents. I’ve heard from family that he had a break-down after his 6 year relationship with the mother of his kids fell apart, hence, him living with his parents and unemployed.

Since day one I have been promised that he will find a stable job, move out of his parents home and more... It is six months later and still nothing. He lies about having lots of money even though his mother tells me that he only contributes when he can. He lies about the smallest things almost as if he is afraid that I will be disappointed if I knew the truth.

At this point I am so frustrated with all the lies I dont know whether I am coming or going. I am actually contemplating leaving him because I am losing respect for him but on the other hand I am hoping that he will eventually step up and do the things he promised.

Example of one of his lies: he has been telling me for weeks that his car will be taken in for repairs. Every time there is a different date set for this car to be taken in for repairs but nothing happens. Right now my car is doing all the driving around because he has no "wheels". Sometimes I feel like I am being used. Finally I think we getting somewhere when he tells me that Tuesday 12H15 the car has been collected and taken to the garage for repairs. Today I notice the car still in the driveway at his parents home. I’m not even angry because I am not surprised.

I need advice desperately because I really don’t know what to do. His parents adore me, my friends and family love him to bits, I love his kids, everything is perfect except for the lies.

written by The Story Teller, 29 January, 2012

I’m astounded to realise the similarities in all the stories above!
My recent ex (we just split up two days ago...) is an extraordinarily kind, generous and well-liked guy and we are very much in love.
Unfortunately he has lied to me countless times about the details of his previous relationships and about the subsequent contact he has had with his ex-girlfriends in the past.
Probably foolishly, I do believe he hasn’t cheated on me, but after yet another web of his lies was exposed last week, I felt the only sane thing for me to do was to end it.
My heart is currently in a hundred little pieces
He (says he is...) appalled at himself and deeply sorry for the lies he told and the hurt he caused me and he has agreed that he needs help and has promised to fix a doctors appointment this week.
I love him wholeheartedly but have no idea whether I should stick by him through this process or simply cut my losses?

written by Some ghost., 31 January, 2012

Did you every think you are both in a relationship because you are looking for a companion? Someone to share your life with? People walk different paths. People have different struggles. People lie, People tell the truth. People do things they don’t mean to do. People do things they did mean to do. All of your situations are circumstantial. But the thing to remember is. If you love them and you truly love them, then it is your job to make sure your Partner makes it to heaven. Vice Versa. Some things aren’t meant to be understood, but understand that understanding EVERYTHING isn’t your job. Hug big & Love Bigger.

written by Joan**, 01 February, 2012

I know what you all are going threw i am still with a guy that has lied to me and still does it to me we have been dating for 4 years and a month now and the lieing i thought stopped but he still does it about the littlest things and then their was a couple things a few months after we got together that he lied about that was the biggest and the lies that hurt me so much but i was scared to leave him cause i had no one i got threw out of my home a couple months after we got together all because my mother and father went there own ways after 23 years but it was not to do with me it was my mother wanting more i dont talk to her any more but maybe a couple times in months..But we have been together so long and he gave me a home when i had no were to go and his mother and father didnt like me at first but now they think he could not find no one better but then again when he lies to me he always tells his mother and it always comes back to me i think that is really low but he always says he is sorry and we are still together but we are going to be getting married this december but i really dont know if that is the best thing i have no true friends or no one i can talk to about it cause everyone is so mad or their blaming be for something not everything works out but maybe i can get threw it with having to decide what to do i am living with out him but we are still together but i only have 10 months to decide what i want to do and i could really use a friend or someone like you guys that understand me...
Thanks for posting that...

written by Just a fool, 15 February, 2012

Hi everyone,
I would love to share my story.

I met this wonderful man online. He claimed to be 28. I was only 21 so it seemed wonderful. He was the most charming man I had ever met. He told me I was so special. That he had never been married before and only had one child with an ex. He claimed to only have one son of age 3. We spent two magical weeks getting to know each other through phone conversations and text messaging. After those 2 weeks he asked to marry me. I was so caught up in it. I was so in love so I accepted. He bought me a ring. A beautiful sapphire engagement ring. We were so happy and in love according to him. He claimed we had true love and a deep connection. As the months passed by I started talking about him to my friends and family. They warned me he looked like he was lying about his age. I didn’t believe them and told them they didn’t know him like I did. A month passed by and he started saying he wanted to meet me in person. I started getting scared and would try to avoid meeting him. Friends and Family were telling me he was lying about his age. So I would question him about it. He would get soo mad and yell at me and claim he was 28. A week later I got a text message from his mom. She said he tried committing suicide and that he had left me a letter. The letter said that he had lied to me about his age. He was actually 46. I was in shock but I stood beside him because I loved him. A day later he talked to me and said his last name was actually spelled differently. So, I decided to get online and google his name. It turned out he had a criminal record. He has been arrested over 5 times for domestic violence and soon online I discovered that his ex was actually 17 at the time he had a baby with her. He was 42 and she 17. He had showed me a picture of her before but he lied about the girl in the picture. He had sent me a picture of another girl he claims is his cousin. I confronted him about this and he claimed the women have used him for his money. That’s he’s actually a great guy. I soon found out more lies. He had been married and divorced once. he had 2 daughters (one my age and one 11). I found out that for 4 months he had lied to me about everything. But he still claims he’s the best man ever. That he had lied because he was ashamed and embarrassed. He tells me what we have is true love and he’s begging me to leave my family behind and to get on a plane to go be with him. I love him so much but how can I trust him if he’s lied before? What if he’s told these lies to other women like me? I don’t know what to do and he keeps pressuring me to stay with him and marry him. He keeps pressuring me to leave everything i have and go to him.

Please, I need advice.
I love him but is love blinding me?

written by cindrella, 23 February, 2012

Thought I married prince charming 30 years later I realize I got the frog. Like most of the stories vie read I met my husband after I divorced my fist husband and was in a low point in my life. My first husband beat me and convinced me I was unlovable. He said all the right things made feel loved I fell for it hook line and sinker. At first I didn’t see the lies (love is blind) then I thought I can change him.if he knew how much his lies hurt me us would stop no amount of pleading or crying stopped it. He made promises to change then came the children. Then you stay for the children. You try to cope you tell yourself you will leave when the children get older. All the time you lose yourself the dream of happily ever after you start to try to get thru today. Try to push the hurt and pain out of your thoughts for just one more day. Torn between wanting to know the truth and wondering if knowing could send you beck to the depths of disperse so deep your afraid this time you might not have the strength to get up. Being torn between wanting the children to have both parents a happy home and saving yourself. I put the children first now my youngest is 21.nothing has changed except the liar is much harder to catch I no longer dream of haply ever after I am 51 years old so mainly damaged I am unwilling to envision a different life I should have run away.I don’t know how to leave where to go. I have no fight left in me’s reached my goal I stayed until the kids were grown, he says he loves me I know now he only loves himself he never shows remorse for the pain and despair he causes. He’s only sorry he got caught he probably makes a mental note to do it differently next time. It’s too late for me if your young run!!!!!!!

written by Denial, 27 February, 2012

I believe my husband is a compulsive liar.....and lies about everything from a fictitious football career to how I have provided him with no emotional support and he uses this as a reason for why he seeks "friendships" with others. I hacked everything – his email, his phone bill, his voicemail...everything and obtained enough suspicious information that I confronted him....and of course he lied until I showed him the evidence and then he was pissed. He was upset because I violated his privacy. What? Then came more justification. Why it is my fault that he feels the need to seek emotional support from others. He professes his love for me one day and the next I find an email sent to a friend that starts off with Baby....and ends with, if you do this for me, "I will break you off". In my book, this is a reference for sex. In his, it’s something he says to all of his clients – referencing a workout. As I have read more about this, I think it stems from his narcissistic like behaviors. I see the writing on the wall, but just can’t understand how someone can be sooo pathological...for nothing. You don’t want to be here....leave. Why don’t I leave? Good question. I need a good therapist to help me get out.

written by Engrossed, 10 April, 2012

I was dating a guy for over 3 years and in this time we broke up and made up a few times mainly because of lies I found out about. Although in my case, I thought everyone else was lying but it turns out it was always him. I caught him out for the last time last week for lying about "nothing". Reading all of these stories was like therapy to me last night. I’m not feeling hurt or crying anymore!!!! I can’t believe how similar the stories are. It’s like my life story with him being told by some of you. he’s also intelligent (VERY), good looking blah blah....but let me tell you, there was ALWAYS this nagging feeling I had when I was with him and I just didn’t know what it was. I have FINALLY let go. Maybe it sounds like it is too soon and I’m kidding myself but having been going through this for so long with him, I DO feel like I am much better off without him. I’m not even feeling sorry for myself. Thank goodness I didn’t have kids with him. But I have 2 kids of my own who loves him dearly. That’s what breaks my heart. But as for me, I feel NOTHING for him! Who is he? I don’t know. I can’t say that I love him cause I have no idea who he is. What I find funny is that he probably thought that he would break me – emotionally etc. But I AM way too strong minded for that and I believe in GOD. I found out that he lied to people close to him denying the fact that we were dating again – we are only "friends". What’s also stupid is that EVERYONE knows that he is lying but he won’t admit it. What’s sad on the other hand is that the people in his life who say they love him don’t confront him. I have been the ONLY person in his circle that has ever confronted him about issues that didn’t make sense. Now that is sad cause maybe they can help him admit to this disease. As for me – I can’t do anything for him anymore. My job is done. And here I was feeling like I was going insane. OMW. It was never me. It was him and I accept my reality. He’s probably sitting and waiting to see when I’m going to come crawling back and apologize coz you know it wasn’t him – it was me...lol. Yeah right. That’s going to be a long wait. If and when he does contact me (and I’m sure he will once he sees that I will NOT give in EVER), I will post the story to give everyone an update of what he said. Only this time, I WILL NOT believe anything he says. I’m sorry to everyone who experienced the hurt and betrayal cause that’s exactly what it is – betrayal! i figure after reading these stories that he probably even slept with other women while with me but for this I will go to a doctor for. Just to make sure that I am ok. I can never ask him cause he will never be honest so that will just be a waste of time. I deleted photos of us together cause everything was a lie. It’s quite sickening. but anyway, this is my reality and I ACCEPT it and walk away knowing that it was never me!!!

written by head or heart?, 28 April, 2012

omg, finally I’m not alone! i met him in a pub just over a year ago, we went out for about 3months when we found out i was pregnant, he told me all about his life and bad upbringing that he claims to have had, I believed it all as the emotion that he showed when he told me(cried, bad dreams etc). he told me all about his life yet i have a full list of things I’m not to talk about to his friends or family, if i do say anything he just starts to argue with me again. Why can’t i talk about it? What’s there to hide?
we moved in together ready for the baby to be born, when we moved in together i have realized how much of a compulsive lair he is, he lies over everything little thing, to the point where i have no idea if the truth is the truth. he buys me flowers and choc etc tells me he loves me and wants to spend his live with me, while he’s texting/e-mail/facebook/bbm/any other ways you can think of other girls saying how much he fancy them and if he were single he would say come over now!!! when i question him he gets really defensive, argues, makes me feel like its my fault and walks out. i cant trust him at all, everything he tells me i wonder is it the truth then its a complete mission to find out if it is or isn’t.
he claimed to be getting help with dealing with his bad childhood, he once said he was calling the support worker who runs the session I notice he pretended to be on the phone, he was actually talking to himself having a conversation, laughing. Then when he got off the phone he told me he didn’t want to go in the 1st place, and he only went for me!!!! But yet again it all turned out to be lies, so where he went when he claimed to be at the meeting I don’t know!
It gets me so mad I just wish he would tell me the truth, its so hard to know that I’m being lied to all the time, I hate questioning things with him because I don’t want to argue with him, I’ve fallen so much in love with him, and I don’t want to loose him. My heart says stay with him love is everything, but my head says get out now, I will only end up getting hurt. Its now a question of which do I listen to my head or heart?

written by Help!, 06 May, 2012

It’s so comforting to read all of these stories. I was with my boyfriend for over a year and kept finding out about all these little lies he had been telling. It’s obvious that he is very insecure about himself. When we first started going out he told me that he had slept with 13 people. Months later he admitted that it was only 3. All throughout our relationship I kept finding out about these lies he kept telling. Some of them seemed so minuscule and ridiculous and I just couldn’t understand the need to do it. He always exaggerates about things he does, making him sound much better than he really is. I never really saw the need for it because I truly loved him for the person he was. He was over weight when we first got together, so it sort of made sense why he liked to build himself up, but then he started to get in shape and look good and it still kept happening. So many times I’d caught him talking to other girls, sexually, on Facebook and text messages, acting as though he was single and I didn’t even exist. Every time I confronted him about this he would some how manage to turn it around on me and I’d be the one to come crawling back. We broke up a couple of months ago because this happened again. He had made himself an Oasis Active account, saying what kind of girl he wanted to find, etc. This had to be the most hurtful thing anyone had ever done to me, but yet now here I am, a couple of months later and we are almost back together again, yet he’s the one holding back. I cannot go on with this relationship with all the lies. I’ve spoken to his friends about it and they know exactly what I’m talking about. I really love him with all my heart and every other aspect of our relationship is great, but I don’t know what to do! I know that if I confront him about it he will just get extremely angry at me and deny it. Someone please help! I don’t want to give up on him, yet at the same time this has to stop. Any help would be very appreciated.

written by Not his Boxgirl anymore part 1, 22 May, 2012

I am just amazed about all of the stories I have read on here. I can relate to them all in my own personal experience I have had to go thru. I met a guy at his house at a party one night. My friend insisted I go because I never get out. The moment I walked in I saw this guy with the most amazing smile and bluest eyes I had ever seen. There was a instant spark and connection between us. I smiled back and as the night grew, we started flirting and eying one another. My friend had told me that he was "off-limits" because he recently became a widow, but had a new girlfriend that was pregnant. Little did I know she was there inside his house in bed.
A few months went by and I was on my facebook. I saw where he had one too and requested him to be my friend on there. He emailed me to go to the lake with him and his friends but I didn’t think it would have been a good idea. A few weeks later I saw him and we got to talking. He told me how miserable he was in his relationship because he had lost his wife to cancer and his current g-friend had just had their baby boy and he wasn’t happy with her but she had no place to go since she was from California. Hearing his heartfelt story about losing his wife and how he is supporting their 4 children made my heart weak for him. We kept in contact and became friends. I know...I know..bad idea. He invited me to go to out of town with him because he had to take his bike to get fixed. I was hesitant. He had told me him and his girlfriend had broken up and how she was moving out. He wanted me to go with him so we could get to know each other. I said "ok"...like a fool.
The whole 2 hour drive was so amazing listening to him talk about his life. His goals..what he wanted..He was everything I was looking for! He said that he wanted to be with me. I in return wanted to start a relationship with him too. He said that he had to help his "ex" move out of his house first. We eventually started dating. He took me to dinner..helped me find new furniture..and would surprise me in the mornings with a full tank of gas in my vehicle. He would come over to my place with a gas can and fill it up for me when I was asleep. He would leave me notes on my car every morning and did some of the sweetest things for me. He cooked for me and would surprise me at work as well. Everything was going PERFECT. We texted all the time and fell in love..Or so I thought. I would ask when I could meet his kids..He would tell me "not yet, they aren’t ready". As a parent, I knew how protective we can be when it comes to our kids meeting a new person in their life. I asked about his "ex" and why she hadn’t moved out yet. He told me that she had not found a place yet and was still looking..Therefore, she was sleeping on the couch in the meantime. I didn’t buy it, even though I wanted to. I wanted to believe him and thought he was being sincere.

written by Not his Boxgirl anymore part 2, 22 May, 2012

After a year..Yeah..i know..a year..he had a key to my place..full access pretty much. I had caught him looking in my phone when he thought I was asleep one night. I thought that was odd. When I asked to go thru his, he was real hesitant. He started becoming real jealous and would accuse me of talking to other guys. I did talk to other guys who were my male friends and that were it. He did not like that one bit and made me feel to the lowest that I shouldn’t be talking to them when I was in a relationship with him. So I stop all contact with them and changed my #. He then made sure I wasn’t talking to them by telling me to text them and see if they would reply to make sure they didn’t have my number. Eventually, my world became all him. I cut off all contact with my life. It all stopped for him. He said that he was so in love with me and how we were going to be together soon. He took me to breakfast and confessed that he had made some bad choices in his life before and slept with 45+ women and had cheated on his ex gf the first week they met. He said that he was not proud of this and had changed his ways. Having the soft heart that I have a bought his story and told him it was okay for the choices he made in his past and how everyone makes mistakes. He bought me the most beautiful necklace and did everything for me. Eventually, things started changing. He would accuse me of running off with men. Texting men. To where, after defending myself. It was just best I would go to work and go straight home. I would end it, and slowly he would drag me back in by using his charm. If I asked about his ex, he would get defensive.
Later the ex did move out for a short time and moved back in because she got evicted. I was pissed! He told me that he wasn’t going to let his son be out on the street and told me that she would stay in his daughter’s room until she found another place. Four months went by, and she did finally move to TX. Thank god!! That’s when I noticed he had changed. He would pick up and leave and go stay with her for the weekend or she would come up here and stay. It wasn’t making sense, yet he kept assuring me that it was for his son. What a hypocrite I was. I had had enough. I told him it was her or me..pretty much. He said that he had chosen me. One day, he had said that he was going to go out of town and visit his ill cousin. I didn’t believe him, as much as I wanted to and he assured me and even told me how much he loved me and assured me that that was where he was going to be and when he would be back. The next one of my friends called me and said that she had his "ex" on her facebook and that she had posted where she was. I was PISSED!!! I immediately texted him and told him what I had found out and this was the last straw. He didn’t come home till 3 days later. Putting the blame on me. Making me feel bad for "investigating him". He would text me lyrics and make me feel bad for doubting his "love" for me. He knew how to work me and make me feel horrible. Inside, that was it for me.

written by Not his Boxgirl anymore part 3, 22 May, 2012

The following weekend, he disappeared! I had to find out again by my friends telling me that he was in TX with his kids and his girlfriend. To this point, i was at the stage where I resented him. When he came back, he said that he took them out of town to where his ex was so he could see his son and to where his daughter could have a good bday. He made me feel bad once again! He would tell me crap..yes..its crap to me now that he was so in love with me and sent me a picture of a ring. He said it was an engagement ring that he wanted to give to me but since, I had had enough of him that he didn’t know what he was going to do with it. That’s when my dumba** really felt horrible. I was doubting him and questioning him for everything! I couldn’t believe it! I immediately fell into the trap again. He said that he had a dinner planned for me to meet his kids and was going to propose that night with his kids but I messed it all up by doubting him and how I would never see that ring again. I was hurt. And then he disappeared refusing to talk to me.
He went out of town again and I was just lost. I thought I had messed up everything and lost him. I would run into our mutual friends and they told me how sorry they were that he was moving to go be with her. I was at my all time low. I thought I had screwed up my life. He then came back around and when I would ask him about moving he said that was "ridiculous" and that he wasn’t moving to go be with her because they were "broken up". He said that he was losing his house to foreclosure because he hadn’t made his payments for months. I was in shock. He said that he was going to look around places and find a place to rent. He would send me pictures of houses and said that was the place that he would like us to build our "new life" together. Once again, I was back in the web. Then again, he disappeared.

written by Not his Boxgirl anymore part 4, 22 May, 2012

I would text/call and he wouldn’t reply. I found out he had gotten fired from his job for lying on his time-sheet and being at home when he was supposed to be working. He came back around again, once again making me feel bad. He said that he had to move soon and was having a garage sale and that his "ex" was coming to "help". I was livid..She stayed for 2 weeks! He disappeared again. That’s when his "ex" called me and told me that they were indeed still together and never broke up. That the ring that he had sent a pic to me was HERS!!! She said that she just had a miscarriage and were going to go be together and start a new life together. I was pissed. Yet, she blamed me for EVERYTHING! and how he wanted nothing to do with me and to stay away from him. He had put all the blame on me. Instead of taking responsibility. He denied everything and said I was the one that wouldn’t leave him alone and how he tried to get me to leave him alone. I didn’t get a chance to defend myself.
By this time, I had enough. He then texted me apologizing and said that everything she had said was "false" and "untrue". I didn’t believe anything he said anymore. That’s when his friends had called me and told me that they wanted to meet up with me and tell me what an idiot he is and how I’m getting played. I met with all 5 of them. They told me how he has lied to me for the past almost 2 years of our relationship and used them as his "toilet paper". They said that he got fired for falsifying his time, being at home when he was supposed to be working. And most of all..LYING! They told me that he was in contact with various girls and loved the attention of women. That he had lost his house for non-payment and was moving to Texas to go be with his gf. Yep...he never broke up with her. He continued to blame me and make me feel bad. He would accuse me of going off to be with one of my "buddies". I was trying to be strong enough to leave him alone and not let him pull me back into his web.
I realized I was a lost & insecure woman. I felt like I was going crazy. So crazy to where I was having migraines everyday. When I called him out about his friends, he made me feel bad and told me I made up all of it. I eventually found out that he sent one of my daughter’s friends a pic of him. Which he said he "told me" but he didn’t. There was something wrong with this man. Yet, I didn’t know what it was. I did find out that he is moving. The ex or whatever she is bought a house for them since he can’t buy a house and he is moving. I ended it and told him to never contact me again and that he was dead to me. He tried to make me feel bad, but I knew that his game wasn’t going to work with me anymore. I had to do something. I had lost my pride and everything that I once loved. I began to research the signs of symptoms of a Compulsive Liar and a Narcissist. EVERYTHING that I read was exactly him to a T. He said that he was out looking for "unconditional love" but was unwilling to give it. This also explained that with compulsive liars, the more you care and love them, the more they run the opposite direction. When you give on them and tell them enough, the more they come running back. To me, that is not love.

written by Not his Boxgirl anymore part 5, 22 May, 2012

A narcissist will get defensive when you question his behavior and will ignore you. They are self centered and immature. They will cut you off, abandoned you, devalue and discard you as a punishment for your refusal to comply. I learned I got conditioned to turn a blind eye, to take him back and not ask questions and suffer through the cold spells and silent treatment. I also learned that Narcissist look for what’s in it for them. They want someone who will tolerate their behavior and want "fixer uppers hoping they can rehabilitate them and make them a "perfect mate." This made perfect sense. As I kept reading, I realized that it wasn’t me. It was HIM! While he went on with his life, mine had fallen apart. He wasn’t grieving like I was. He was happy he was getting a place to live, a new place to place his games and someone to take care of his kids while he went and played his "stud muffin" games. I picked myself up off the floor and dusted myself off pretty much! I can’t figure out if I am more mad at him for not telling him off and cutting it off a long time ago or myself for letting him do this to me. But, I’m not going to stay at home and wonder what I did wrong. I figured out that it is normal for any relatively healthy person to process out of a relationship but when that relationship ends, it doesn’t change the need to process out and when all the emotional baggage from the relationship has been dumped in your backyard, you are the one left to pick it up, right? I have two choices. I can either get out into that yard or start picking up the trash, one item at a time or I can spend the rest of my life looking out my window and getting mad that I have been left with the garbage. Why should all this “emotional garbage” been dumped on me while he is “garbage free.” Eventually my yard will be clean and will be able to can plant some “new” things.
I am glad he is moving because the life that I once had full of drama, headaches, worrying, what he is doing, who he is talking to, will actually be drama free and can live a life again. I will never understand how anyone can do that to another human being. I had a heart full of love and he didn’t want it, so that is my way of looking at it. I also read that even though you may feel like you are being cut off because you are unworthy, that’s not the case. You are being cut off because you are mirroring that person back in a more honest way and they just can’t take it. They don’t want to be called on their bad behavior. They want partners who will allow them to get away with whatever and never be held accountable. His girlfriend or whatever she is can deal with his lies and he can mess with her head now and play his games. Because I’m not!! I miss him, but not the drama and heartache he brought in my life. I realize that after 4 days of not talking to him is hard, but it is not pleasant to be with someone that disordered, but it is best to cut my losses early and move forward then to lose years of your life waiting him to change. I don’t want that life nor toxic relationship anymore. I am now in a transition in my life after 4 days. Everything is changing, I am changing. I am not the person I was last week. And I will not be the person tomorrow! I wish you out there that are in a relationship with a NARCISSIST or a COMPULSIVE LIAR find the strength to say no more!!

written by Rue, 12 June, 2012

My partner is a compulsive liar but he is also the most nicest guy you could ever meet. He is the kind of guy most people would not even believe he is a compulsive liar. I’ve bn with him nearly 6 years now. We’ve had our ups and downs and 2years ago he cheated on me with a girl who turned out to be his relative (cousin). We broke up 4 a while and then got back 2gether again a few months later. He apologized 4 what he had put me thru and we agreed he wasnt going 2 communicate with her or have a normal cousin to cousin relationship with her. I love him so much but sometimes I wonder is I made the right choice getting bck 2gether with him. She used 2 call him anytime any day even after we agreed he won’t talk 2 her. I guess am stupid I should have stood stronger and give him an ultimatum. I realize now I should have worked away when I had the chance. Now am pregnant with his kid and it all seem very difficult now.she doesn’t call the house phone now in case I pick up. Since I got pregnant I moved in with my partner and she stop calling the land line but she always call his cellphone. Of course he lies about who he’s talking 2 he even changed her name on his phone so I won’t know it her. It hurts so bad I don’t knew what to do. He goes out side to take calls sometimes and he takes his phone 2 bathroom always. He never allows me 2 browse his phone. Sometimes he lies about where his been. So many people told me not2 go back 2 him after the way he treated me but I honestly thought he will change and I love him so dearly. He makes me look like am the crazy 1 when ever I confront him about the lies. He gets upset and frustrated. Am 8months pregnant and my stress level is really high I don’t know what 2 do. Hes lying 2 me and I can’t take it any longer. I don’t deserve this.

written by Desperate..., 26 June, 2012

I am reading most of these stories and I feel as though I can relate. I mean, I am only 16 years old but watching my father with my mother, their situation is similar to what I’m reading. My mom and I believe my dad is a compulsive liar, that’s how he grew up. It’s like I’ve lost all respect for him, I don’t even want to be around him anymore and I know that’s a terrible thing to say about your father, but that’s how I honestly feel. I just don’t understand the need to lie about every little thing. He’s supposed to be the "so-called" Christian man but just the other day, my mom and I found sex tapes behind the fire place and my sisters and I learns that he constantly drinks. Just yesterday, my mom found one of his pills in her medicine bottle, and she believes that he is trying to kill her because he is the only one that knows where her medicine is. When my mom confronted him about it, he lied and denied everything. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to choose sides but my mother is at her breaking point and she wants to leave. This morning she cried and cried and went on about how she can’t even stand to be around her own husband anymore. I hate to see my mother this way and I don’t know what to do...can anyone give me some words of advice, I don’t wanna see my family destroyed.

written by JessTess, 06 July, 2012

My ex boyfriend sent me this link to imply that he is a compulsive liar. We were together for nine months, and even within the first week of being with him, he was lying. I should of taken the signs, but I didn’t. I thought he was different; he had a great job and a great family, but he lied constantly. He would talk to several other girls and about certain websites I ran into on his computer. I would confront him, he would convince me he’s sorry, and then do it again. He has lied about little things to large things and I have tried to overlook the small things, but then at times when I did, he would say I was just trying to cause a fight over nothing. He made me feel like in some crazy way, our destructive relationship was my fault. It seriously broke me heart, because you want them to change so you can be with them and trust them, but once that trust is completely gone, there’s nothing else left to fix. He said he would go to a counselor, but ate this point should I put the effort one last time? Would counseling actually work? I have already trust issues from my alcoholic father, and this makes me feel like I can never be able to trust a man again. I feel like such a fool for giving this guy so many chances.

written by I’ve been in your shoes, 09 July, 2012

Most of these stories (JessTess) I can relate to. I was in you shoes. Its so hard to move on but i realized moving on is the best thing you can do for yourself. I dated a compulsive liar for a year and a half, we broke up last year because he dumped me and later on i found out he was on a dating website talking to other girls while we were together. He came running back to me, I loved him with all my heart, I missed him so much and thought he could CHANGE for the best, he said" he would never hurt me again and he deserves a second chance" so i gave in and told myself i would give him one chance to prove to me he could change we got back together i found out he was talking to other girls on facebook (flirting with them and asking them to hangout). I wanted him to change so we could be happy together again that maybe people can change everyone makes mistakes but my heart couldnt take it anymore, I couldnt just couldnt take his lies anymore. I broke up with him. The sad thing is when he got caught with his lies he would act like he didnt mean to do that, for instance when I found out he was talking to other girls on facebook he would say we are just friends you dont need to worry i love you and only want you – lie after lie (one of the girls he was talking to he just met a month before i found out he was talking to her) i couldnt live a twisted life and be trapped by his web of lies. It hurts to be in love with a compulsive liar because you try to search for the truth you try to figure out what was real and what were his lies, but I realized holding onto that the only person your hurting is yourself. In a healthy loving relationship you need trust well if the trust is broken what else is their to hold onto? I do know that when you look for answers you will find it and only you know what to do, whatever you chose i hope you chose whats best for you and know what you deserve. I know life is to short to waste it on someone who isnt right for me I deserve a great guy who loves me and who is willing to live a life with the truth. I Hope i find that someday but for know im learning to let go of my ex who is a compulsive liar. I hope compulsive liars get help what they have is a mental issue and hope they go to therapy, because with their lies they hurt their loved ones and the sabotage their own relationships.
God bless you all.

written by Thank you all, 26 September, 2012

My boyfriend fits the profile of a cl. I have only been with him for a few months, but already we have broken up and gotten back together three times! He starts out being really attentive, really misses me, etc, then after only a few weeks, gets distant, stops returning my calls right away or ignores my texts. When I ask him about it, he says he was "working on his house"...he’s building it from scratch. When I go there I see evidence everywhere, open wine bottles even though he does not drink, a "new" toothbrush, "oh I just got that" but never threw away the old one, etc. It’s not big things but little things...and if I question him about it,then I’m being insecure and jealous. He even told a whopper about having to go on a business trip out of town for three days, then I found a gas receipt in his truck showing he was in town on one of those days buying gas with a credit card in his name. I never said anything because I was too embarrassed about snooping, but kept the receipt so I would know I wasn’t crazy. I wasn’t sure he was a cl, but after reading all these posts, I’m so thankful that you have all shared your story with me...it has helped. I love him, but I’m not in so deep, I can’t end it. I just deleted his number from my phone, and I intend to block any incoming messages. Right now i’m on punishment because I questioned why he was making a gourmet dinner and sending me the pictures and then telling me he had put in a movie to watch (alone, he said) at 11:00pm when he gets up to go to work at 5am. Usually, we end our conversations at 10pm so he can get enough sleep. The part that I really don’t understand is why he wants to hang on to me anyway when he clearly is into someone else. What would be the harm in just BREAKING UP like a decent human being? Good grief, I’m sure I’ll get over it. But the lying is so awful. It scares me to think how close I came to ending up in a relationship with someone like that. I’m 52 years old, so like the other poster said, it can happen to anyone. Thank you all for SAVING ME THE HEARTACHE!

written by Leaving a Liar, 08 October, 2012

After 25 years of marriage to a compulsive liar, I’m sadly calling it quits. It never gets better and my advise is to get out while you can. I loved and trusted my husband with every breath I took. We were the perfect couple with the perfect lives. So perfect I went into denial about his lies. Little lies aren’t important, right? WRONG. I found out three years ago EVERYTHING was a lie. It was like my own personal 9/11. My life was changed forever. My husband, whom I put so much faith, trust and love towards, was a sex addict. Our lives then became about his/our recovery. I thought there was hope. We started going to 12 step groups several times a week and he still sees two therapists. I’ve learned the meaning of codependent and how to set boundaries. Unfortunately, even though his sex addiction is under control, the lying persists and it’s putting out the last sparks of love I feel for him. I can disengage now and it feels great. He’s going to be on his own with his issues. I’m leaving and I’d advise anyone who knows their partner has a problem with the truth to get a handle on it NOW or terminate the relationship. At 57 I’ve learned one thing very well: Life’s too short to spend it with a partner who can’t be open and honest with you.

written by After 14 years..., 16 October, 2012

It’s so comforting to know I’m not the only one out there who has experienced this problem. My husband of 14 years and I are divorcing. There have been many issues over at least the past seven years, the main of which is his lying. Looking back at our marriage, I can see how he "separated" me from others (was unsociable, reclusive) to keep me from finding the truth in his stories. He would constantly complain about co-workers and bosses, then when I would be at his place of work, he would get nervous if I was having one on one conversations with them. Even to the point where he told me not to speak to them anymore (they just wanted to cause problems with our marriage). I would hear stories nightly of how awful these people at work were and gradually began to wonder if they were really all that bad of people. After so many job changes, how could he possibly have issues at "every single" job he ever had!! Since the divorce has come out to our family, I am finding that even they knew he has always had a problem. Heck, my own mother knew stories about him (we all worked together) before we were married and SHE never even told me the truth!! He professes to "worship the ground I walk on" and loves me deeply, but I cannot continue living in this environment. When i have confronted him, there were always verbal altercations and he would get extremely defensive. I should have seen/accepted it years ago. it’s hard to move on, but I know I will survive. I hope he will too and get the help he needs.

written by Kristin’s a fool, 12 November, 2012

I can relate to you all ,I really need help my self so here’s my situation ,first off I’ve been dating my boyfriend for three years,within those three years I’ve gotten pregnant and had a child for him,I’m 18,and currently living with him. And like all of you my boyfriend lies about nearly everything. Such as where he’s been,who he’s with, if he went out or not ,what he is doing ,he also has broken so many promises, I’ve also caught him masturbating in the fucking bathroom while I was waiting for him on the couch to watch a movie!!! He lied to me about not watching porn "I don’t watch porn or masturbates that’s sick". When I had caught him I confronted him he said he would stop guess what he lied no surprise there, he has talked to his friend about wanting to fuck one of his coworkers.how he’d have to wait for the right time he has also hung out with her alone on many occasions ( I read his texts) when I asked about all this he said he was only joking about the girl,that’s how him and his friends play around.and he lied about hanging out with her too and that he only hung out with her once.around his friends he treats me like I’m an idiot ,he doesn’t realize any of this but maybe he’s even lying to his own self..he has lied to me about other things multiple times like I said in the beginning but he always blames me saying I hurt myself,I’m stupid and delusional for believing in what I think,I’ve brought up breaking up with him his response is to do what I want, when I almost pulled through with it he comes to hug me kiss me cuddle with me ,show his affection and yet there has never been an apology. He has hit me once he blamed his action on me,but god I’m such a pathetic person I can’t let go I love him to death even after all that I feel like i need him in my life I don’t know what to do, he treats me very well buys me what I need,tells me oh how so much he loves me, that he doesn’t want anyone else how beautiful and perfect I am

written by I’m a compulsive liar, 22 November, 2012

So here’s the thing I’m a compulsive liar and I know it no I do not cheat I have never cheated nor have I ever even thought about it. However my lying is about the dumbest things I live when it’s not even necessary and I can’t help it it’s like a second nature to me it’s like it makes me feel good. Now I’ve done my research and it seems to me that compulsive lying is a mental disorder and the fact that so many of you are so quick to categorize all as dishonest untrustful for lack of a better word assholes it’s very immature and disappointing. No I don’t know the aspects of all your individual stories however I have realized my problem and I have taken a step to getting help my lying has hurt me in the past and unfortunately its cost me some relationships but only in saying is that where sent compulsive liars are jerks some of us are just sick and all we need is understanding that’s my 2 cents.

written by coco.73, 16 December, 2012

Have any of you ever heard of Narcissistic Personality Disorder? Look it up; it might help to explain a few things... alternatively it might be useful to consider the fact that some people are just arseholes.

written by egyptian ruse, 01 January, 2013

well ,I almost got into a relationship with a Cl.He was most charming,attentive,generous and sweet.He would talk to me the whole day and on the other side made up some fake i d,s and started writing stuff to me first and then slowly to my friends,the stuff he wrote about me was abusive ,derogatory,really vulgar.The best part is everyday he would talk to me as if nothing has happened,Thank god for my hunch ,I knew from day one that he was the one doing all this.finally nabbed him,despite getting caught red handed he claims to be innocent.I am done with him.Once a liar ,always a liar.They are people with very low self esteem,inferiority complex and cannot take rejection.they will shamelessly keep pursuing at regular intervals as they can’t take it that someone has moved away from them.So take charge and hold your ground and stop communicating with such people.

written by egyptian ruse, 01 January, 2013

I was in a brief relationship with a cl.Thanks to a previous experience where I really went through a terrible heartbreak,I got out of it at the first sign and I am glad I stood my ground.

written by D.K-Drama King, 01 January, 2013

I am a compulsive liar. I grew up with a huge inferiority complex about my parents humble status. I cannot tolerate anyone who is happy and cannot help it when I do things to hurt the very people I am with.
Eventually every single person leaves me. I cannot face truth.
Yes,all that is said above about CL is true and I also use a plan ,and it is just an execution of it every time I want a girl eating out of my hand. It works. Only now I feel lonely, unwanted and friendless, yet I cannot give up my deceptive ways. Don’t know what to do, I just want a easy way out, without having to confess anything.
I am insecure, I fear people will leave me. Please help.

written by Moved on from a CL, 03 January, 2013

I was the girl who poured out my tears and pains in previous blogs here.My ex still tries to contact me but I avoid him,because I know I deserve a man who will be honest with himself and who with be honest with me.I pray for the compulsive liars because they hurt the people they love and they especially hurt themselves.I don’t want anything to do with my ex because I know he will try to come back into my life and trap me in his lies and I don’t want to be in a web of lies anymore.For all the Compulsive liars reading this How can anyone fall in love with you if Your pretending to be someone else?because if you keep lying you will lose people in your life.The advice I can give you is Just be yourself and someone will fall in love with you.The TRUTH WILL ALWAYS SET YOU FREE!!! IT’s easy for your heart to tell the truth doesn’t it hurt to lie?because your cutting your heart every time you lie,becuz you can hurt people too.What made me sad about being with a compulsive liar they make you believe everything they say and they can look straight in your eyes and not feel remorse for what they did unless they were caught.I don’t miss my ex I miss what I thought we had I thought he made me feel like he was the man I was going to marry thank God he wasn’t. I do feel bad for the next girl he gets involved with becuz I noticed its a cycle for cl they will keep doing the things they did before at least I got to find out some truths and I am strong enough to move on.I learned life is to short to spend it with a liar.I think about the future and what if i had kids with him. Children learn from their fathers and if their father is a liar they can become one too.Something to keep in mind.Moving on is hard but if i could do it so can you it takes times and realization that you deserve to be with someone who loves themselves and who speaks the truth!

written by Alexandra E, 24 February, 2013

RUN AND DUMP HIS ASS ASAP. A week ago I met this guy whom I had previously talked with online, on a dating site. He seemed perfect. Beautiful, well mannered, polite, treated me like a lady. From the first moment I felt something was wrong and the feeling never left me. After the second date I started looking through his facebook profile, photos, friends and google-ing him. He made up an entire story about his name and told me all his ex-es for crazy and stalking him and talking shit about him. Gee, I wonder why, poor women. Turns out he is still together with his girlfriend from another country. He told me at least three versions of his relationship with this actual girlfriend. Not only he lied about being single, he lied all the time, about everything, even when he didn’t have to. He kept lying with the simplest tiniest things, with no purpose. I confronted him with the truth and then he blocked me from his fb list so I can’t contact his girlfriend. I sent her a message through a friend, I am sure she will never believe what I said. If she’s been with her for a year, he must have her wrapped around his finger. I am so glad this is over. I invested a lot of energy into trying to find out about the truth.

If you have a bad feeling about someone, trust your instincts. Also, this guys was complimenting me all the time, sent me a dozen of lovely texts, made it sound like I was the center of his life and he was the luckiest man to have found me. These people tend to overemphasize your role in their life, so you feel safe and secure while they do tons of shit behind your back.

Watch out. There’s no shame on doing a google search. If somebody doesn’t have anything to hide, you won’t find anything. If they do, thank god if you find it in time. I don’t even want to imagine how he plays with his girlfriend. She is in another country, waiting on him, and he’s here, playing around with other women and deceiving everybody.