Past Comments – Any success stories about compulsive lying

Comments (99)

written by an, 26 June, 2008
Sounds abusive. Watch out!
written by counselor, 27 June, 2008
I’ve worked with many compulsive liars. I don’t know of any true success stories. At best, compulsive liars can learn to avoid situations where they are most likely to lie and they can learn how to mitigate the damage it causes. But lying and the problems it creates will always be an issue in their lives.
written by Moo, 01 July, 2008
I married my Cl a few months ago, knowing exactly what I was getting – a wonderful, warm, caring, and loving man who had a problem. An unusual one, but one I accept with my eyes wide open. He had a horrid childhood, and he lied to protect himself. He wasn’t made to lie, it was the way he chose to protect himself. Throughout his life, he has not been able to form the close bonds he desperately needs as his lies have driven people away.
We face the future together with open eyes. I don’t regret the choice I made for one second. The lies he has told me in the past have hurt me badly, and I still have my own problems to deal with now because of them. But the 99% of the time when our life is AMAZING, is reward enough for the times when things are hard. No one is perfect. And if you love each other enough you can overcome anything.
written by dlmac, 11 August, 2008
If admitting it is the first step, what can you do to get your partner to admit it? Is intervention by friends and family ever advised?
written by Eish, 14 August, 2008
I know that I am a compulsive liar but never admitted it to anyone up until this moment. I have a very high intelligence level and as much as it has helped me it has also hindered me. I am brilliant at lying because I can see all the variables and form the best believable/provable/suitable lie with the least or no repercussion. I can also structure strings of lies based on research/knowledge which will result in an end goal. I can even lie and put things in place afterwards to corroborate my lie in the future. What also helps me to lies is the fact that I understand human nature and people quite well and I to exploit that ability. I am a combination of a compulsive and pathological liar as I lie about small things as well as more goal oriented lies. I know that I have a problem and been trying to deal with it by myself, but it is hard to stop lying. I have not always been like this though. Its insane, I even lie about things which would not make a difference whether I lie or not. I do it to protect myself, but it?s not always clear what I am protecting myself from.
I have recently come to the conclusion that my girlfriend (on and off for 4 years) has become a compulsive liar. She was not always but I think that our relationship hurt her really badly as well as some issues in her past. So now I am sitting with a dilemma, I know she is a compulsive liar and I catch her quite often by doing research and just knowing people and her nature very. I often have to be underhanded for example checking her cell phone or emails after I suspect she is lying (I have always been right so far). I often have evidence on BLACK & WHITE that she is lying but I cannot confront her with it because then she is going to cut off my access to evidence of her lies. So at this stage she just denies it and I have to accept the fact that I know she lies but can?t rub it in her face.
The strange thing is that she is the only person I never lied to. I consider going through her emails without her knowing as lying, hence I used the past tense. But other than that I do not lie to her. So this puts me in a precarious situation. Her lying has not involved cheating up until this point but I am scared that it might escalate.
I love this woman with all my heart and I treat her like a queen ? you could ask her yourself (that?s actually a really funny line taking the situation into consideration)
I have no idea what to do.

written by wedeservedbetter, 31 August, 2008
This story sounds just like mine I just had to get a restraining order from my pathological liar husband I have been through complete hell with him. At first I would get so confused nothing added up I felt like he was not being honest but when I would confront him he would make me feel bad like I was a horrible person for thinking that way about it he would never admit he was lying and when I had a lot of evidence he would go into a rage and be abusive verbally and sometimes physically. I got to the point where i doubted myself and my own instincts entirely because he was so convincing even when it was so obvious he was lying I can’t explain how that happens. He blamed everything on his horrible childhood I felt so sorry for him and I loved him so much that I kept forgiving him for treating me bad when I should not have. After we had a baby and he got fired from two jobs because of his lying and became even more abusive I realized I had to do something to get help so I sought counseling we seen 5 different counselors and all said he was a pathological or compulsive liar and maybe had chemical imbalances as well. He didn’t believe any of them well sometimes he did and he would say I really need help I can’t control this etc. Sicking by his side and loving him endlessly really backfired because when he could not lie anymore because the counselors could tell he just stopped caring about me and the baby he just quit and became so evil within two days I had to get him out of our lives. This man is completely insane he went out of his way to be loving to me he would send several messages everyday he loved me, poems, cards, flowers, phone calls, stuffed animals even wrote me a song and recorded it. He made my breakfast every morning and my lunch because he wanted me to eat well during our entire relationship he always woke up when I did not matter how much sleep he got because he wanted to spend time together he adored our baby and said she meant the world to him. I mean this man had me and all of my friends and family thinking I was his world everone would say you have the best husband but only a few knew about his lying and rage issues. I never thought he would do anything to entirely hurt us because the issues were maybe 10% of the time and the other 90% he was the best husband anyone could ask for. Now he is completely out of the picture he won’t help financially he doesn’t want to see our baby and he has not one ounce of remorse or compassion for what I am going through he left me in such a bad financial situation I have no money and he is going out to bars and dating 3 days after he had to leave he joined a dating website worse a bar pickup website. He completely flipped on me. I feel like the version I knew died or worse yet never really existed and it is very hard because I really loved him so much and just wanted him to get help it is hard to imagine how someone can be so dedicated and loving one minute and then care less the next. If anyone out there is like him and can explain please let me know because it haunts me every single day.
written by rob23, 22 October, 2008
hi im 23 years old and i think im a compulsive liar, i keep lying about stuff about my past to other people in part because im ashamed of the things that ive done, the really bad part its that i can lie looking into your eyes this was kind of fun and it made me feel safe because im always trying to hide my past and there its nobody that i have been able to tell the truth so far, i admit i have a problem but i need help, thanks to my ability to lie i am about to lose my girlfriend and i really love her, i keep telling her that i will change but i always end up lying about some stupid stuff that doesnt even matter but it counts as lie and i really want to stop lying please any advise would help...
written by fb83danny, 19 November, 2008
I’m a compulsive lair, started when I was 6 y/o.I was molested at age 8, and both parents were dead before age 11. I’m the baby of nine children. I now in a relationship were I don’t want to lie anymore. There are too many stories in my head and I’m very confused. I feel my lying as been a coping trick I’ve used all my life for staying alive, and like the statement above "NO matter how hard I try not top lie, I do and its always about little stupid stuff". Like the person above I truly want to stop.

Can anyone help??
written by Dontlietomeanymore, 22 November, 2008
I can’t diagnose what kind of lair your new husband is because I’m not there, if he’s already showing signs of violence, then it won’t take long before he lays a hand on you or your son. By then you will become both financially and emotional dependent and to scared and confused to know the right thing to do. No matter how smart you are an emotional manipulator is an expert on getting you dependent on them for everything or at least make you think that you are. He’s throwing fits this early because you found him out faster than he planned. He’ll never really truly apologize. If he does he adds something to it that attempts to blame you, your son, or something/anything else. Anything so you’ll feel sorry for him. Emotional Manipulators need time to get you completely dependent on them. When they do, the abuse gets worse. Until one day, you become that woman on T.V. everyone is talking about and feels sorry for. Think about yourself and your son. You are a strong and smart. You’ve been on your own before. You can do this too! Make sure your family and friends know and allow them to help you keep a good perspective on things! You’ll be amazed how quickly you discover things when others are helping you to find if he has a mental illness or he’s just an %$#. Be careful and trust only those you feel will keep it quiet and are willing to be around this person to help you without telling or showing him signs or your intentions. My husband was always that shy guy who just needed a little longer to get comfortable around others. Turned out he was watching everyone, their behaviors, their speech, etc... so he can pick and choose who he wanted to be friendly with. Never allow him or anyone else make you feel that this is a private matter. He depends on using tactics to isolate you and never be ashamed. Emotional Manipulators are experts at conning people. They are especially experts on the people they love and suppressing them so they slowly become dependent. These people feed off your emotions and plan to make and keep you dependent. They will use any tactic they can to coerce and intimidate you including making you feel stupid, ashamed, and guilty. Your new husband was focused on working you more than he was your son. This is why your son was able to see things faster than you. Children may be inexperienced and innocent, but when they’re not the focus of the person doing the manipulating, they see and understand much more than most adults give them credit for. Emotional Manipulators usually make the mistake of thinking that they are smarter than others. They always think they are smarter than children which is why your son was able to nail the guy to the wall first. Now it’s your turn. Not so sure? Google: Emotional Manipulation and read the first few information based articles. A stranger overheard me talking to a friend about some of the situations my husband put me through, this stranger told me he was a counselor, and recommended that I google Emotional Manipulation. He never gave me a card and I never saw him again. Denial was my first reaction and I held off for almost a month. Then one day my four year old caught Daddy lying to her over the smallest thing and ran to tell me. He walked into the room and heard her. After I was done talking with her and she went into the other room to play with my eight year old, he followed her and started in on her verbally. When I went after him to protect her, he backed off her. The next day things got worse and I threw him out. Now I’m divorcing him. I’ll never be rid of him, he’s the father of my children. But at least I won’t have to deal with the constant deception and manipulation on a daily basis and I can take better care of myself and the kids. Unfortunately, I discovered after several years of marriage that it’s hereditary. Now I have to keep an even closer watch on my children. If they show signs, they are going to get the help they need before they turn eighteen and I will not become an enabler like my in-laws. When normal decisions come into play ask yourself; Does this make me more dependent on him? Is this decision a step towards another decision that will take place later that may lead you to become more dependent on him? (baby steps) Is he pressing me to agree with him? Is he trying a little too hard to convince me that this is the best for our family? Answer these and decide for yourself. Good luck and God Bless You and your family.
written by Anonymous Observer, 27 November, 2008
Dealing with a compulsive liar is very difficult. There is, however, hope for both the compulsive liar, and the one being issued the lies.

If you are in a relationship with a compulsive liar, don’t confront them too pressingly on every small detail. Develop a list of inconsistencies (literally, if you’d like), and then approach the individual.

Do not immediately hammer them on the various flaws or discrepancies in their stories. At first, tell them that you have to talk to them about something important regarding the trust and openness of your relationship, ensure them that they can talk to you about anything, and remind them that you deserve to know the truth and require openness in your relationship.

Then, begin calmly informing the individual of what you know, and don’t fall into any last minute traps that they may try to get you to buy into. (As you know, compulsive liars get highly defensive at the time of exposure – remain calm.)

At this point, inform the compulsive liar that your feelings remain unchanged, but that they have to establish a relationship of truth and openness with you, just as you have given to them. Let them know that it will no longer do them any good to lie, as you will likely know when they’re being deceptive, and that there’s nothing so unbearable that your love can’t find a way to work through it (tell them that it is pointless, and that lying will achieve them no end with you).

After this, let them know that they have to divulge all of the lies they’ve presented you with. Tell them outright that you know there are more things that must be untrue that you simply weren’t able to pick up on – tell them they have to tell you these things, and make sure they do. (If you catch them on a dozen lies, there won’t just be one or two other lies at this point... There will be many more, regardless of how keen your senses may be.)

Following this, plan on relapses. (With time, and as the truth becomes more clear and your partner sees that you are accepting of them – which you MUST be – the compulsive habit will diminish.)

Plan on the compulsive liar breaking down emotionally, or perhaps even that you might suffer emotionally. (Lies will hurt, due merely to the fact that you care so much for this person you may now feel you never truly understood, or grossly miscalculated.)

Understand, also, that in the process of establishing the truth, the first explanation of the truth is seldom the complete truth in the early stages of treatment. Know that the story will likely change, and gradually align more with the truth. Keep track of how these stories interweave, and any new inconsistencies that may arise. Be kindly questioning, and admit when you do not believe something (be sure to give the benefit of a doubt, still, but stick to your beliefs when you know something is untrue, regardless of how the compulsive liar may try to manipulate or further deceive you).

Lastly, know that there is a likelihood that the compulsive liar will have forgotten some elements of the truth, due merely to the magnitude of lies they have built their self-image on. (Accept this – though only to an extent – regardless of how much you want to know something. If you truly need to know about something the compulsive liar may have, himself, forgotten the truth of, then ask them if they would mind thinking about it for a day or two, knowing how important it is to you. There’s a chance that something might come up, but know that, at times, these are the issues so devastating that the compulsive liar will be fearful or ashamed to think about them. Regardless of the result, thank them, and remind them that you understand, lest they should feel they’ve disappointed you.)

It is a combination of patience, understanding, communication, perseverance, understanding the worth of their partner, and seeing how their lies hurt their partner that ultimately cures the compulsive liar.
written by LIED2again, 20 December, 2008
I THINK MY FIANCE IS A COMPULSIVE LIAR AS THINGS HE SAYS DONT ADD UP WHEN I ASK HIM THE SAME QUESTION HE TELLS ME DIFFERNT ANSWERS, I HAVE CONFRONTED HIM MANY TIMES ABOUT HOW I cannot TRUST HIM AND HE DOES EMOTIONALLY BREAKDOWN HE TELLS ME HES SORRY ADMITS A FEW LIES BUT SOMEHOW TURNS IT AROUND LIKE I HAVE DONE SOMETHING, ONE TIME I DID KEEP SOMETHING FROM HIM BUT VERY SOON IN THE RELATIONSHIP I TOLD HIM ABOUT THIS FACTOR AND IT WAS VERY EMOTIONAL TO DIVULGE PERSONAL INFO TO HIM. HE ALWAYS THROWS THIS ONE OCASSION BACK IN MY FACE AND MAKES OUT IM A LIAR, WELL IM NOT NOT AT ALL IN MY EYES, HE IS A BIG LIAR, IM SICK TO DEATH OF THE LACK OF TRUST RESULTING FROM HIS STRINGS OF LIES, I WANT OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP AS HE GETS VERY ANGRY AT ME SOMETIMES ABD I BECOME VERY SCARED AND IT REMINDS ME OF ANOTHER LIAR I DATED WHO DID ALSO LOST HIS TEMPER AND BEAT ON ME, THE ONLY DIFFERENCE IS MY FIANCE DOES NOT BEAT ON ME BUT HE MAY AS WELL THE WAY I FEEL. IM LYING TO MYSELF HOPING IT CAN WORK OUT, I CAN FORGET THE PAST LIE WHEN NEW ONES ARE STILL BEING FORMULATED, IM SO SAD ABOUT IT, I WANT TO HAPPY SO MUCH THATS ALL I EVER WANTED.

LOOK OUT FOR

1.WHEN I QUESTION HIM, HE SHOULDNT GET TOTALLY ANGRY AND FLIP OUT
2. WHEN THEY LIE TO MY FACE ABOUT SOMETHING I KNOW THEY R LYING ABOUT, THATS WRONG
3. THEY DONT TRUST ME
4. THEY ALWAYS QUESTION ME WHEN IM NOT HIDING ANYTHING
5. MOST MEN LIE TO GET A STUNNER LIKE ME SO BEWARE OF THE ANY MAN
written by theresa f, 20 December, 2008
I am married to a recovering alcoholic/pathological liar/bpd wonderful man. I love him I know that his past has a lot to do with the way he is. He is like a little boy trying to gain unconditional love. We are in counseling and recovery meetings and I understand that it is God’s will to heal these broken damaged people. It is very hard not to walk away. It is very hard to walk away. I stay confused and feel like a fool but I know that God is not done with either of us yet. It is a process and we have found wonderful resources through recovery for the city. If you are interested in finding out more go to r4ci.com.

I pray for both the liars and those involved with them up here. I can relate to many of the stories. At one point my husband became so inraged and unable to control his anger I had to have him arrested and placed a protective order against him. It was very difficult. But I have to say that it was the best thing I ever did because it brought him to rock bottom and to begin to truly seek help....do not place yourself in danger if you are with someone with uncontrolled anger issues – It is a short matter of time before they will intentionally or unintentionally hurt you physically. if you love them then hold them accountable for their actions and get intervention as soon as possible. I encourage you each to pray for God’s guidance in your situations. Listen carefully – He will answer and guide you through the darkest of times.
written by Currently dealing with a CL fiance, 22 December, 2008
I have recently found out that my fiance is a compulsive liar. I was devastated as the lies started to unfold. His lies in a messed up way have landed him in jail at the moment. I’m faced with a horrible decision. I have contacted counselors on his behalf and the replies are all the same, its up to him to want to change. I love this man with all my heart and am willing to give this a chance. The only thing is he has to want it too. I am debating whether or not I even want to go to the jail to see him. He has broken my heart with his lies. But i love him. Does it get any easier? I am sticking to my guns though. I have done some research and caught him in multiple lies. I am going to confront him calmly and hope for the best. I wrote down the number and address to a mental health facility that is ready and waiting for his call. There is nothing more I can do for him now except wait and hope he agrees our love is worth saving. Though this ordeal will take more then him seeing a counselor I foresee a long and rocky road for us until the recovery. He and I will also have to take part in couples therapy to recover from the deception he has done to me.

For all of you who have dealt with CL I wish you the best of luck. And don’t give up. They have a problem just like depression and Schizophrenia. If we give up who will help them?
written by stupid liar, 28 December, 2008
I have lied too many times to my wonderful husband and this past one may have been the breaking point, and it wasn’t even a "big" lie. I don’t know what to do. I am very upset and desperate to gain trust back that I don’t think I can.
written by mamab, 05 January, 2009
My mother is a compulsive liar. This has always been the case as long as I can remember. She would lose things and blame it on me and my sisters, saying we’d stolen them. Beat me and lie to my father saying I’d been fighting with my siblings, tell hundreds of small lies and run her friends down for no particular reason other than jealousy. She has now started making up stories about her childhood, that she’d witnessed traumatic events etc. If you confront her she denies everything and gets aggressive and defensive. I’ve given up trying to change the habit of a lifetime, she just lies and I don’t confide anything in her or believe a word that leaves her mouth.
written by cbg, 08 January, 2009
I am dealing with a compulsive liar. I met him over 4 years ago and we had became friends because he was in a relationship. When he finally became single we started seeing each other romantically. He is a great guy. He is funny, he cooks, cleans and is very attentive but I can’t take the lies. Everything he had told me about himself, his income, and his past relationship were lies. I continued to see him in spite of this. We have been living together for 2 months now and I have had it. He lies about stupid little things for no reason as well as bigger things. The last time I confronted him about something (this past weekend) his temper became volatile and he tried to blamed me. That was the last straw. I have asked him to move out. I am exhausted trying to distinguish fact from fiction. I’ve spent entirely too much energy trying to help him but I realize I can’t help him. I walk around sick and stressed out over this behavior but it has no affect on him at all – he has no remorse whatsoever. I AM DONE!! I would advise anyone to turn and run in the other direction. It is too much work and trust and honesty is of the utmost importance.
written by Rise & Whine, 09 January, 2009
I run into compulsive liars now and then and the best way to deal with them is to avoid them completely. I’ve thought many times of confronting them or calling them on their lies but why? Like they are going to admit to them. They will probably turn it around and call you crazy for doing so. I’m truly disgusted with most people and their lies. I’ve become a better detector of a liar than before through observation and through experience. Watch out for those soft-spoken type people...they are the most dangerous because they want others to believe that they are meek and harmless. In fact most manipulating and cunning and will pull a fast one on you anytime. Also, beware of X-eyed & extremely short people...they tend to less faithful and loyal to those who had helped them out. My best advice is to cut them out of your life if possible.
written by tired, 12 January, 2009
I can relate to something out of every message above.
If you are the ‘liar’, You firstly need to admit you have a problem. The next step is deciding if you want to change, you can’t do it for the loved one in your life, you have start by doing it for yourself. In order to move forward all cards need to be placed on the table. All we want to hear is the truth so approaching us with a list of lies previously told and a ‘hand on heart’ recognition of the situation you are in will be a massive gesture and step forward. Admitting that you have lied with out being prompted to do so is pure acceptance of who you are and the damage you’ve caused. You have to accept in advance that it will be shameful, painful and hard to personally expose this ‘other you’, but remember, we already know. If you’re loved one hasn’t been tipped over the edge then they will immediately take on board the courage it has taken for you to go to them and are more likely to give you a big hug and re-assure you that you have their full support. All we want is for you to make the first move because we have tried soooooo many times and we are now exhausted. We get tired of trying to disect the truth from the lies and in the end we give up, both on you and our relationship with you. If you want to keep us in your life then you have to be prepared to be honest with us and allow us to help you. A lot of us will only have the energy and will for ‘one last try’, if you don’t want to loose us then you need to come forward to us today. Tomorrow may be too late!!!
Good luck to all liars and lied too.
written by Allisonyyy, 04 February, 2009
I am in a semi serious relationship with a liar. I love him with all of my heart but, I it is time that i start watching out for myself. He has lied to me four times about doing cocaine. I have been with him when he has done it three out of the four times and still lied to my face about it. He hangs out with people from work and they influence him and he falls into it every time. But, when we are together... things are GREAT! People stop and ask us if we are newly weds... (we aren’t but, we just can’t keep our hands off of each other). He is seriously a smart and wonderful man but, I am afraid if we stay together any longer... it will just be harder to get over him. Like right now he is out with work people and it is 1:15 am. And here I am laying in bed crying my eyes out. I honestly believe that there is no hope for people who lie. Lying just doesn’t start out of the blue... I am sure he has been lying for 28 years now and finally has someone who cares about him (me) to call him out on it. I am fed up with this.
written by m .e. please stop baby,please get better, 20 February, 2009
I can relate to all of this. Im hurt.Ive been lied to for six mo.now.It seems like it never stops,lie after lie after lie.
Important stuff or not so important stuff.This isnt my first experience with a compulsive liar and at times think its me,but i know its not.i want to stay and help her find herself and become better,i also dont want to hurt anymore.she is very good at manipulation and covering her tracks,but ive caught some things. ive begged endlessly over and over,to get only this lil p.o.s. story.cocaine is one of the more critical things lied about and also where she goes,who shes with,her past,the drinking.its so sad and unhealthy.i really made contact with her the other day,she told me more than shes ever told me,so i feel a lil positive,but im waiting for the big wave now.guess its gonna take a while.she wants me back soo bad,we have barely seen or talked to each other in a month,and who knows whats been going on in that time. im tired of being tired and upset and fishing for the truth. i notice that most of these posts are from women.dont waste to much time,you are worth more.we all are,there are guys like me who dont lie to women at all just because we are passinate about relationships,so dont stop looking,do NOT second guess your instincts. if you guys or ladys get that feeling that you know something,then its usually dead on.
written by Hoping, 25 February, 2009
So I have been dating this man for about 7 months and I am completely in love with him. He is one of the most amazing people I know. He is honest, caring, trustworthy, and compassionate. I have never felt that close to a man in any other relationship I have ever been in. But I screwed it all up! I have lied to him over and over again about my past and things I have done. I was scared of him knowing the true me and seeing all my flaws and imperfections. I deceived him firstly by trying to portray perfection. I ended a long relationship with another man and jumped right into this one without wanting to disclose any of my past. I straight out lied about things to avoid having to tell the truth. With this lie came many other lies because I had to keep portraying this innocence. I don’t know why I did it I guess ti was out of the fear that he wouldn’t like me if he knew all of me. Throughout the last 7 months lies about going out with coworkers, how many drinks i have had while being out, lies about talking to my ex a couple of times and lies about slipping up and doing drugs have came spewing out of my mouth. My boyfriend gave me time and time again to come completely clean and every time I would disclose a few here and a few there never revealing all the truth in fear of losing him. In the last week i have come clean with it all. We had a huge discussion a week ago and i revealed 99% of what i had to tell him. I was to afraid to tell him that i had contacted my ex because i thought that would be the last straw. I was selfish in thinking I would lose him and so I didnt tell him. I came out with it the other night and now finally everything is out. I dont know why I have done these things the only thing I can come up with is that I was to coward to face all the truth. He has been so patient and understanding with me but now we are at a point where he cant believe I have told him all of it and I cannot blame him for thinking this. I want to start rebuilding our relationship and regaining his trust but he still thinks there is more. I know that I have to move at his pace and always answer and be there when he wants to ask me questions about any of these lies i have told. I am beginning to worry that he will never be ready to start to rebuild although i know in his heart he wants to. He loves me very much as do I love him. I need some advice I need to know what to do how can i help him see I am ready for an honest and open relationship. I do not want to lie to him anymore and I do want to make this work. I also need to know how to show him how truly sorry I am for everything I have done. please any advice would help or just words you think i need to hear.....
hoping in saint pete....
written by Hoping, 27 February, 2009
I’m sorry to all those hurting.... I am a liar and am hurting the most amazing man I know. I am trying my hardest to gain forgiveness but I think he is giving up. Please know that some of us liars are willing to change... Don’t give up on us....

written by Crushed&Heartbroken, 18 March, 2009
My fiance, has lied so many times I could not even begin to relay! Has anyone known for a guy to lie even to girls (that he claims not to like) that he likes them and wants to be with them. But given the chance, he doesn’t break up with me, and keeps saying he loves me and wants to marry me?

Any ideas? Anyone?
written by tinkie, 21 March, 2009
My husband and I are both musicians. He is a very accomplished musician that opened for huge bands and played some stadiums. He is well respected and looked up to. I started writing songs about 6 years ago out of nowhere. I barely played guitar and no one had ever heard me sing. I don’t know any songs but my own. I never tried singing before. I wrote about 50 songs quickly and within 3 years had released 2 records with some commercial success. My husband played in my band backing me up. I quit about 2 years ago and recently we started up the same project but dropped the rest of the band and just play acoustic (the two of us).
At the same time, he has his band. Again, he is very accomplished and respected.
I just found out that he has been using works of relatively unknown artists and claiming that they are his – stealing their songs! It’s been a total lie. He released two records with songs ripped off, no credits given, claiming he wrote them. He performs with his band doing these songs and no one knows. The band and audience all of our friends and press think that this is his work.
I feel betrayed. I don’t know what to do.
I feel like I don’t know what is a lie and what isn’t.
My
written by Sick&Tired, 23 March, 2009
I’ve been dating a guy (on & off) for almost 5 years now. The reason we are so on & off is because he has always found ways to deceive me, especially when it comes to other woman. He always flirts with other women behind my back, even though I catch him nearly every time! Every time I catch him, he tries to deny it. Then eventually after lots of pestering, he will fess up. He says he does not know why he lies to me or why he feels the need to talk to other women in such intimate ways. After talking about it last night he said he felt the need to lie sometimes because he does not want me to "yell" at him. Which does not make sense because if he wasn’t lying in the first place i would not have any reason to get angry! I have left him so many times, but he always finds a way to convince me that he is going to be better and I give him chance after chance. This is the first time after 5 years that I’m really trying to understand WHY he is this way and looking into compulsive lying. I feel stupid for always taking him back and always getting hurt, but I don’t want to give up on him for whatever reason. A lot of responses on here say "stay far away from compulsive liars, don’t be in relationships with them, avoid them, etc" but if nobody is there to help these compulsive liars then where do they go? I’m studying psychology currently so he is going to be my first practice patient lol. Wish me luck..
written by Finally admitting to CL, 01 April, 2009
I have been a compulsive liar for years now. I used my CL as a defense mechanism when I was younger living with my step mother and father. I still to this day lie to my stepmother as a defense mechanism to protect myself and my family. I have also brought my CL into my current relationship which hurts me. I dont want to lie to my fiance but it just happens so naturally that I can seem to control it. I try as hard as I can to not want to lie but it just rolls off my tongue when I do it. I know there are no pills to take to help make this "disease" go away but are there any suggestions on how to work on not lying?
written by I believe my daughter is a compulsive liar, 12 April, 2009
As with a lot of children, they lie to not get punished, so as a child, my daughter lied her way out of a lot of things. Now she is 22 years old and I never know when she is telling the truth. She is also a thief, which landed her in a jail cell overnight at the age of 17, and to this day, she is still stealing, mostly I believe from me, by taking my credit cards out of my purse and using them, but denies she is the one. Just the other day, she took my tax refund check, which is made out to my husband and I, with the attempt to try and cash or deposit it, and first lied that she knew nothing about it. Then after confronting her again and again, she lied and said she found the check in her cousin’s purse, then she said that she took it and did not know why. I don’t know which story is the truth.

She lies about every little thing when the truth will do. I’m afraid for her. If she does not stop with the lying and stealing, she is going to end up in jail or even worse. I’m considering therapy, which is why I’m on the internet looking for answers. But if someone out there has any suggestions for help, PLEASE HELP!!! I want to save my daughter who is heading down a dangerous path.
written by lovely123, 25 April, 2009
wow. I have one that lies too. I cant stand it.
written by needadvice, 28 April, 2009
I have been in a relationship with my husband for 21 years. I am just now getting that he is a cl! A little slow but, his lies never seemed to hurt that much before. He would like about smoking cigarettes and money mostly. In our entire relationship he was never in trouble with the law before. Then he had a dramatic experience with his family leaving him rejected by his father and last year he ended up in jail for soliciting a prostitute. Of course he says he just thought the girl needed help and pulled over to see what she needed. Then I found out he had let our finances go to ruin (my mistake again for leaving him in complete control). Then, I found him in all kinds of lies big and small. He is on antidepressants now and getting therapy. Just caught him in a relapse of lying (about smoking cigarettes). I have done some research on cl now and see that it is related to other disorders. I’m pretty sure my husband is bipolar. I’m wondering if he will ever recover from this dramatic experience he went through and be able to live a somewhat healthy life. I also worry if my children are in danger. I have 2 children 7 and 3. I’m wondering if there is any community support out there for victims of cl and their families. Does anyone know? My husband never gets abusive or physical. He mostly gets very defensive.
written by My Daughter is a Lying so called Christian, 29 April, 2009
My daughter is just 15 and her lies are big ones – to hurt innocent people! On the surface you would think she was the perfect daughter, honor student, goes to church, etc. but under the surface, she is a lying manipulator. She has told her friends that she is ABUSED (nothing further from the truth – she’s a spoiled brat, has always gotten and done anything she wanted) and about a year ago said that my new husband molested her (she wanted me all to herself). She recanted... then recently did it AGAIN! She lies about stupid things that can be found out, she lies so much I don’t know how she keeps them straight. Yet, she goes to church and calls herself a CHRISTIAN! This is enough to make anyone hate Christians!
written by Complusive Liar who wants to grow up!!, 29 April, 2009
I am a compulsive liar and I am 19 years old going to be 20 on Monday. I lie a lot about a lot of things and now have realized this. I realize I have lied about everything for such a long time that I am not sure what is me and what is lies it is an extremely scary experience and for anyone out there who is dealing with a relation or a loved one who they think is a liar please be aware that they are going to be so terrified by this revelation that they will not know what to do. You must be supportive and be with them through this. Know that no matter what they say they love you deeply and need you always. I keep on being told that this is part of growing up and I have finally discovered that ones actions have consequences, I have always known that actions have consequences and so have never really done many actions so I could avoid the consequences but when I have had to do things and have done them badly I have always made excuses or told small white lies to cover them up. It is only in the past 3yrs when I have started to tell really big lies that things have got even more on top of me and have caused big problems and hurt people around me- this is going to change!
written by Liz001, 30 April, 2009
I have just finished a 3 yr relationship with a liar. The last straw was that he wants to tell me the truth about everything...one more time. I really do not want to hear this new truth. He has said so many times "the truth" just to change it later, and come up with a different "the truth". And it si very, very painful. At this point, I know he lies to get what he wants, and then will come out with "the truth" once he wants to do something else...like seeing someone else.
I am tired, angry, frustrated, and after trying for 3 years with everything that’s been said here, including "If I don’t help him who will?" I am ready to tell everyone I did my best to help, but he does not want to change, he lies to his counselor too...I do not love him anymore, I only have fear in my heart, fear because I know that whatever he says is not completely true, and when I know the new truth I just get hurt. I will never know who he is, what moves him, how to make him happy. CLs out there. THINK! How can the person that loves you really love you if you do not tell them who you really are and what you really want.
Take it from someone that cannot take one more "the truth" anymore, IT IS DEVASTATING to the person that loves you.
Hope this helps others.
written by mysisterisaCL, 05 May, 2009
Dear "I believe my daughter is a compulsive liar": I grew up with a sister that lied and stole all through childhood. My father used to set her up by planting a $10 bill hanging out of my mom’s purse, and sure enough my sister would take the bait every time. But she was the baby of the family, and my mom always defended her and still does to this day. So my sister is now a 53-year-old compulsive/pathological liar and my mom is her enabler. She has caused many problems for me, my husband and two kids by telling them something and then later – when confronted – twisting the story and making them look like a liar. I am finding out that she and my mom actually operate as a team and lie for each other. My father passed away about 6 months ago and my sister has now gained total control over my mom and her estate. She has gotten my mom to put her name to all of her bank accounts as joint owner. She has gotten my mom to give her $20k to make a down payment on a house for herself. I believe she will get all of my mom’s estate, even though our father had set up a trust for the family with equal shares for each of their children. My mom is already convinced that my sister is the only one that cares about her. My sister has done everything in her power to make my mom believe that. So being a manipulative, compulsive liar just gets worse with time...they just get better at it. If you care about your daughter and your relationship, get her to a psychiatrist that can maybe break the cycle of lies and deception now instead of letting it go on throughout her entire life. Letting it continue can only bring her (and you) nothing but pain and suffering.
written by ejcpromo, 01 June, 2009
Hello,

I hit bottom very recently. I have been a compulsive liar for over twenty years and I finally hit bottom and realized I simply cannot do this anymore. Like many who bottomed out it was due to the loss of a love. My lies caught up to me. I am desperately seeking ANY treatment, but like many with this disease, I ruined myself financially and dont have the means to get proper help. I have found two inpatient programs and they are trying to find funding for me. I have no idea why they would try so hard to help someone like me but they are and I am very committed.

I came on here to see if there was any real hope of getting this into a recovery stage. For some unknown reason the woman whose heart I devastated with my lies is still hanging in there, from a distance. She has done one of the most selfless things I have ever had ANYONE do for me and I cant waste that.

I need to hear any stories of hope or recovery.

I have all the classics, no self esteem, things from childhood and a failed adult life. Regardless of all this hear I sit. For any victimized by a compulsive liar please understand that for us if we say we love you and do things for you, those emotions and feelings are NOT lies. They are very real for us and what destroys us is no one typically believes that. And why should they? If I am like the rest it is because we are so down in the hole that when we find love it soothes us in ways that are hard to describe.

Look, I am truly trying now. I see the devastation and wake of bodies (metaphorically speaking) from my actions and I am not willing to live this way anymore. I won’t live like this anymore. I want a real life. I want happiness and friendships and meaningful connections. I don’t want to be looking over my shoulder chronically. So I really think the first step here is a REAL recognition and commitment to getting treatment. I know I need inpatient. And that is what I am trying to get. Who cares about the stigma with inpatient treatment? What’s worse? Being branded a filthy liar or someone who went to a hospital to get help.

All the choices I made in my adult life were mine, and there is not enough paper in this world to write down all the bad things I did. But I want to stop this. And I have to stop this. FOR MYSELF. If in the process that woman sees me and all the friends I have lost take notice than that makes me a successful man.

For any of you in relationships with compulsive liars know they are not deliberately trying to hurt you. They really are not. They love you and are secretly hoping and PRAYING you will find them out and HELP them and stay with them through recovery because I GUARANTEE you no one who is a compulsive liar doesn’t have guilt that cannot be counted. They want your love. They need it and hope you will understand when they are found out. And lets face it, we will ALWAYS BE FOUND OUT. I hope I can recover. I hope someone reads this and is helped by it.
written by TexasJess, 12 June, 2009
I am a compulsive liar. I have lied to get where I am today, I lied to woo my wife into marrying me. The kicker is, I have loved her since I first saw her. Everyday I get to spend with her, I look at her and I find happiness. The only problem is, I have driven her away. She feels like she doesn’t know me anymore. And I dont know myself. I have admitted my sickness to myself and the ones that are closest to me. Next step will be getting help. I am going to talk to someone tomorrow, and hopefully his spiritual guidance can help me get past this awful disorder. I do not want this to be the end of me and my wife’s relationship. We are both young, we have 2 children and so much more life ahead of us. I know there is hope out there, and God willing I can find out who I am.

I like what the above poster said, about how when "us" the CL’s tell our loved ones that we "love you" we are not lieing about that. And the only comfort we find is the love that you once gave us.

I urge all those that have a loved one, that is a CL to just look to God for guidance. There was something in that person that you once loved. And from most of the stories I am reading, the person with the disorder is usually a great person 99% of the time. Its that other 1% that he/she needs help to overcome.
written by CL in Washington, 20 June, 2009
This forum is a godsend. I recently was "found out" as a liar and the relief, remorse, regret it feel is overwhelming. I am amazed that my spouse has chosen to stay with me. I have almost ruined us financially with my lies and habits. Now I know I am not alone and there might be hope to stop doing what I do. It has been over 20 years where I gradually increased my lies to the point where I cannot even tell the truth to myself sometimes. This my first step in admitting I have a problem and I guess the next step will be to get counseling for my illness.

Thank you all for sharing your hearts and experience!
written by confused..., 07 July, 2009
Myself and my friends have been the victims of a pathological liar. I’ve known for a long time that she was playing games with us but still held onto the hope that the lies would stop or go away, but they have kept getting worse. She has invented characters and experiences to the point of ridiculousness. We are close to confronting her and we are so grateful for the comments and guidance I have read here. I would love to understand this on a higher level but also need to acknowledge that in reading all of this, there is really no fundamental reason for it. Thanks to the offenders and other victims for sharing your stories.
written by Picking myself up, 09 July, 2009
Its weird isn’t it how your life can be so affected by the lies? Well i have currently hurt some one i deeply love with a lie trying to cover a past that i was really rather embarrassed about. I didn’t lie once but 4 times and i am so ashamed. There is no excuse for lying this much is true but understand that it also takes a lot of courage to step up.In the midst of of all my lying he finally told me that if i just stopped lying and tell the truth that he would stay with me. He is passionate that way. Anyway i couldn’t help it and yes i broke down and the truth rolled off my tongue,it was bitter to hear those things slip off my own tongue and i could only imagine what it was like for him and so heart wrenching to realize what i had done. But here is the thing even though it was so difficult finally just to come out and say the truth it felt amazing to know he now knows the entire truth and though now the truth he wanted has been revealed i think he questions what i say now...i don’t blame him. We have been together for 4 months now.I am twenty. He is twenty two. So now for the point of this story a direction for both ends the liars and the lied to. First the liars. I realize that it is painfully difficult to admit to something you are so embarrassed about, but the likely hood of your partner looking at you differently so long as its the truth their opinion of you wont likely change, They may become irratable at the answer given but they will usually find away to make it work. However as many of us are probably not as fortunate as i am those who lied like i did often get left behind because the truth could have been revealed to them at the first moment maybe even a second, but for them to find out with out it coming from our mouths is the worst possible thing you can do. It demolishes the foundation of trust and at the same moment creates hard ache when it could have been avoided and knowing this you may end alone but default of the lie not the consequence of the truthful story. Now for those who have been lied to and or are living with a liar. I am one who lied but i have also been in a previous relationship with a liar as well so my end of these stories go both ways. I know how it feels and simply its painful,(yet i still did it to my bf)but understand that people have past issues that they may not want to discus as to save them from embarrassment, no body likes to admit to their wrong doing or mistakes(and yes we are usually aware they are mistakes)so to actually build up the courage and tell you is likely a very large step in itself, often it takes a few rounds and the truth comes out so be patient with them and try not to blow it out of context or you may never hear the truth again.Give the chance for an explanation of the lie. (often it will try to be covered with an odd ball story) but if they seem legit and they seem more then broken down perhaps its true.(remember nobody can cry on Que)when they do tell you the truth upon their own will remember that its taken a lot of courage and strength to tell you these things so be irritated but don’t leave them they are trying to work it through because they both recognize what the have done and they are willing to make the relationship work on truth, the truth you need to know.It takes a lot of work to get past the lie(s) but remember if you care or love these people the way you believed you did or still do then working through it will pay off. Confronting the people you lied to with the truth to will pay off as well. and if it doesn’t work for any couple but the liar is sincere remember that you may come into another relationship and starting fresh is the best way to go. Tell them the first time they ask to avoid another heart break of the possible previous relationship. God bless.

+Picking+Myself+UP
written by liarliarpantsonfire, 27 August, 2009
I have been affected by a liar. My boyfriend has a child with a compulsive liar that won’t admit the truth. She has told horrible lies about me and my boyfriend. The bad part is I believe she has a mental problem so I continue to let her into my life. My boyfriend is scared to death to talk to her,afraid she will tell yet another lie. I have to arrange all visitation, money, and health issues. The final straw for my boyfriend came when she had him arrested for communicating threats over the phone. I was sitting right there when he was talking to her and know that he never said the things she claimed he did. They were ordered by the court to go to mediation. I thought my prayers were finally answered. I was wrong,the mediator would not discuss her lies only custody. She now calls me on a daily basis talking for up to 2 hours about things I know aren’t true,Mostly being attacked by strangers.So far this year she has been attacked 4 times.I’m scared for the child she hears the lies and I don’t want her to grow up thinking lying is o.k. but I keep feeding into it giving sympathy because I don’t know how to confront her and tell her I know she’s a liar.She lies about things that don’t even matter just today she called me saying her stepdad wants sex to let her stay in his house. It’s not only sexual lies I can’t even count the things she calls me up to tell me that are ridiculous. I feel like she sits back in her liars den thinking she has me fooled and that kills me.Last Christmas she called with a lie as to why we couldn’t see the little girl and she went through the roof when I confronted her,we didn’t see the child for 6 months.We never wanted to be the kind of people that couldn’t work out visitation amongst ourselves but I can’t take the lies anymore and I know when I call her on it we have to be ready to shell out big money to fight.Please if anybody knows the best way to go about the confrontation in a situation like this let me know thanks
written by Georgie, 16 November, 2009
I’ve been aware that i lie since a young age and know the reason behind it is feeling ashamed of who i am, and have learnt that lying allows me to do what i want and not have to deal with the consequences. I wasn’t allowed to do what i wanted as a child when i was at home. There were very strict rules. I was expected to do well and struggled with my school work. When i felt stupid, i’d play up and cause trouble. I’d blame someone else or lie about my actions. I’m adventurous now, probably due to being so sheltered and overprotected by my mother due to her fear and worry about my fathers actions, and want to live life to the fullest without hurting anyone, including myself so i create lies to cover any mistakes i make along the way. I grew up in a middle class family and used to have problems with rage and lies as a child. I used to bully smaller children, i have no idea why, except for a memory of feeling foolish beforehand. I then used to lie to the teachers and my parents to cover up my shameful actions. They always seemed worse afterward and i’d be truly sorry, and afraid of facing my wrong-doings. I felt segregated and different to everyone else who seemed to have no problems with abiding by the rules and making friends. I felt left out. I’ve never felt comfortable in situations where i don’t know people and have always found it difficult to socialize. That used to annoy my father, he wanted to show his daughter off. I’d be expected to be polite and have good manners at all times, so i was scared to be myself. I still am. If i lie, i take on a different persona, i can be who i want to be, not a creation of his constant high expectations.

This has always affected my relationships. With my friends, (mostly ex-friends now due to my deceit,) I have almost lost my partner whom i love beyond belief. She made me realize i had a problem in the first place. Whenever i felt backed into a corner, knowing if i told the truth i may be punished, feel the shame and have to face the consequences of my actions, i’d do everything i could to twist it and defend my lie. This added to my rage. The more my defenses didn’t work, the more exposed i felt. That made me insecure and angry. I put my anger on her and did some very shameful things. I made her feel like everything was a reflection on her. Like she’d caused this reaction in me. Which perhaps sometimes she did and she had every right to. Advice to people in relationships who can’t be honest, imagine the situation the other way around. Put yourself into their shoes. Imagine life with an angry insecure liar and decide whether you would put up with it. Then find out what created those traits. Which feelings came beforehand and during the action or lie. I left the relationship and went to live with my mum. I left because of jealousy, anguish and a feeling of self-hate and insignificance. I didn’t believe she could love me because why would anyone love such a hateful person. Now i’m working on forgiving myself for my lies. I would advise any compulsive liar to reflect on the way it is affecting their partners.

Becky is amazing and has a gift of insight and understanding. I felt like she didn’t meet my needs but my needs were impossible to meet. I had resigned to being a liar and was making no effort to change. I blamed her for the constant arguments and started to believe she liked pushing me into a corner and watching me squirm. I made myself believe that she was controlling me. In actual fact, it was the emotions involved that controlled my actions. The guilt, fear and shame. She just made me feel them because she wanted me to be honest and that made me have to admit to lies, triggering those emotions. It was easy to blame her then forget the truth, and lie again.

I hurt her over and over, so advice for liars, heal yourself before putting your hurt onto others. You’ll only push them away. Give your partner the choice of helping you to work through it or being apart. They’ll have a lot of healing to do as well.
Becky is givng me time and re-assuring me she’ll always love me, but we’re not in a relationship. We were together for two and a half years, none of which was easy. If we get back together i want to treat her well and be open and honest, but i have a lot further to go yet. I’m trying to practice not lying and when i slip up, facing it by admission as soon as i realize.
written by ayu, 08 December, 2009
This forum is great.

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 4 months and we are in a ldr now. Recently, he lied to me about having another girlfriend and then after that confessed that its a lie and he is only trying to see if I care and he feels remorseful about his lie. Well I raised hell after that first lie and said some hurtful stuff to him because his dad threw him out of the house due to his lying nature and so my words made him mad. But soon after he admitted it was a lie, we made up. Within the next week, he lied again and told me he slept with a stranger. Then after that shortly admitted it was another lie to test my reaction and to see if I care. I am starting to have fears because I am not sure when will the next lie come or if all these are really lies. I told him I lost trust in him and he has to rebuild it. He is willing to listen and change. I have spoken to his sister and she said he isn’t trustworthy and I should leave him. I really love him alot and if nobodys helping him to get through this, I believe he will always keep being alone and hating himself.

My friends are telling me to ditch him but I just cant bring myself to do it. Now the problem is I dont know if he is lying about being single. We are in a LDR and its hard for me to figure out whats happening over at his side. So trust is really important for us.

Im praying to god everyday to help me get through this and that he will see that he needs to stop lying. My advice to myself is I am not the only one facing liars so if my heart says I need to move on with him, I will have to. And I have no idea where this strength is coming from to be honest. Its weird. Help them is my word to all.
written by becca16, 28 December, 2009
How do I get my husband to see how his lying is ruining our marriage and destroying our daughter?
written by slth, 14 February, 2010
For those living with compulsive liars – I have been married to a CL for 25 years. His lying began even when we dated – I should’ve gotten out then, but I was insecure and thought things would "get better". The only thing that got better where my husband’s lies. He has now put us in a bind financially and has my daughters lying to me as well. When I confronted him about these finance issues he said he is scared to talk to me about finances...and I am too controlling..but when I invite him to help with the bookkeeping he never has time. He gets verbally abusive and has physically abused me, but like every victim, I always blamed myself. I now know better and am willing to deal with whatever consequence. He has made an appt. for therapy, but my concern is he will only go once and think this problem is solved. He says he wants to change and I need to give him a chance, but how long do I stay? I realize this is somewhat similar to being an addict. I need support and guidance as well.
written by CT CL, 18 February, 2010
to slth-youve stayed long enough-these types of people do not have the capacity to change..at some point we have to have some self respect and move on-were victims and deserve better
written by slc, 28 February, 2010
I am a liar. I have been for some time now. Probably since childhood. I once actually sought professional help, but could not afford to continue. In my examination, it was brought to my attention, that all of the things I lie about are due to past occurrences. That in order to protect myself and understand the situation at a young age was to project an alternate reality. Most of these things were abuse related.
I have been for over a year now, very good at continuing to tell the truth – except for recently. And I was caught, red handed. I didn’t get abusive verbally nor violent, but I didn’t claim the truth until ultimatum was handed to me. I thought, for once I was protecting the person/people I loved with this lie. But in fact, I was not. I thought I had finally turned a new leaf – but yet, I went and did it again. I want so badly to not lie to people. But at the same time – I do not want to share some of the real things that have happened to me, as I am afraid of being judged, or looked at differently. I want to go back to treatment – but I cannot afford it. Is anyone aware of a place where I could get counseling at an affordable rate? I feel so bad – and my mind cannot get over the guilt and hurt I have caused another. I want to be better, and be a better person. I don’t want to lie to people anymore. I just want to be a good person, that people can trust.
written by Topher, 13 March, 2010
I am an alcoholic and a compulsive liar. In my recovery to both I have found a profound similarity to both actions. The reasons we drink and lie are almost identical. I am not a "cured case" of either and will never be. Once an alcoholic always one, same thing with a liar. My difference and success so far is two things. First, I have found faith. Those of you who do not share my view thats ok (this is what has been working for me). I believe in God and have buried myself in literature and my Church. Second, I have lost a relationship that I value with all my heart. I want nothing more than to earn her trust back. That door is closed for now but who knows. These are what is working for me. The best I can define how to get over either of these two habits is love and purpose. You have to have both!
written by j_wills, 31 May, 2010
My neighbor lies 99% of the time. Worse yet, he’ll repeat lies many times that was already exposed as lies. The part of the brain that should normally function doesn’t seem to exist in this guy – the part which should know better than repeat a lie that was ALREADY exposed as a lie, but this guy does it ANYWAY and chronically!

So, I know from experience you can’t get these people to stop – if you bother to try, you’ll end up chasing after them and their lies forever.

Since this is the case, you either to leave the person or tolerate it as best as you can.

written by desperate, 16 June, 2010
hello everyone.

my name is cece. i recently met a guy who was charming and everything in him was perfect. we’re both in different colleges.we became friends from day one and spoke everyday. he told me after 2 weeks he liked me so i said we should get to know each other more. his ex girl friend of about 8 or 9 months left him for another guy so i didnt want to rush, i wanted him to be sure of his emotions. we waited for a bit and i finally said yes. I’m dumb because signs were there of him being a liar!

im not sure whether hes a pathological liar or a compulsive liar. He brags about his house and car and what car he’ll get next and everything like this. he’ll get rude a few times to make himself look good. i caught him in lies like where he didnt travel, what he doesnt have and stuff like this. funny thing is i always though he was just trying to impress me so id tell him im not easily impressed by material things.

we dated for a month until ive had it. he DID admit once to me that he lies and said"so what! i lie, you lie ,we all lie" . now i realize that he MIGHT have been asking for help. im not sure. i want to be his friend and confront him but im scared to and i dont want problems.

when hes not lying to me (and we’re around friends), he charming and funny and great to be around.i just want that guy to come back.

DOES ANYONE KNOW A GOOD WAY TO APPROACH A PATHOLOGICAL OR COMPULSIVE LIAR? smilies/cry.gif
written by sad and feeling decieved, 29 September, 2010
I never believed in love at first sight until I met my fiance’. He seemed the perfect guy..seemed like we shared the same hopes and dreams. I had just ended a 15 yr relationship almost a year prior to our meeting, so, I knew what I wanted and what I didn’t want in a guy.My ex was a jealous, controlling little boy. So, it was nice to be with someone who not only encouraged me to have a life, but, also trusted me. I have trust issues from the crap I’ve been thru my whole life, but, I vowed to "start fresh", to trust, to believe in someone again, a very hard thing for me to do. So, imagine the heartbreak I felt when my "perfect ", wasn’t so perfect after all. I caught him first lying about porn. Now, I don’t care if he looks, I do too, but, to lie about it KNOWING I WOULDN’T CARE, and to do it to my face, and THEN, to try and shift that guilt and blame onto me...i was stunned, hurt, crushed...Now, almost a year after I caught him, I doubt everything he tells me. I see lies and half truths in the stories he tells me, even the simplest of things. I don’t know what to do at this point. We might lose our house, he tells me not to worry, he’s taking care of it, I know the truth tho and it pisses me off cuz its not just us here, we have 7 pets..what would happen if we DID lose our house? To them, to us..i love him still, and so very much, I’m torn. Do I leave, go back on welfare cuz, I can’t find a job I’m qualified for, or, do I stay and hope for the best...When I call him on the lies, we argue, he gets super mad, yelling, throwing things..once, he grabbed me really hard and left a bruise on my arm...I’m afraid to stay, and afraid to leave..help..please

written by Medina, 03 March, 2011
I absolutely hate pathological liars. I have known one (cousin) who has ruined my life. By the time we found out what was going on she had already worked her way up my friends and their marriages. I tried talking to her about what she was doing and she did not care. I hate her guts and if it wasn’t illegal I would run her over with a car. Seriously! She has no regret at all and laughs in our faces. I do not speak to her at all anymore. I do not want to e part of her life at all. Who will cleanse the world of these people? They feed off of your energy(your sympathy, love, feelings, wanting to help them, its all energy)and by the time you noticed you have been drained and your aura is severely damaged. yuk! smilies/angry.gif
written by playedforafool, 06 March, 2011
My gf of 2.5 yrs is a compulsive liar. Caught her in dozens of lies, but she is the Queen of Denial. 3 wks ago she promised me she was done lying to me. Last week she told a boatload of lies to me. Then she lied about the lies. This woman treats me better than anyone ever has, except, of course,for the lying. I have confronted her, pleaded, begged, etc. Still she lies. So, tired of playing the fool for her, today, I broke up with her. I love her a lot, more than I ever loved anyone, but I know the deception and lying will not stop. She hurt me a lot with the lying and I simply cannot trust her. I no longer believe anything she says. Glad I got some guts, as I had been thinking about spending the rest of my life with her.
written by theainbanff, 17 March, 2011
My husband is a compulsive liar. I have always known it on some level, but like many of you out there, I would ignore it, deny it or excuse it. It started very early on in our relationship, and most of the lies were small stupid things that he would say to make himself appear better in some way. I thought it was just insecurity, and that it would pass. We moved in together & the lies continued, and then bigger lies began. Still, I stayed, even though I knew in my heart that he was dishonest. Only after we got married did I finally get a small portion of the truth out of him by issuing an ultimatum: He had considerable debt from before he met me. I thought ‘okay, this is what you are so ashamed of, now it’s out, and we can move on’. I supported him through bankruptcy because I truly believed in all my heart that he would stop the lies; there was nothing left to lie about, right? Wrong. It’s now been 3 years since the bankruptcy, and he still lies about so much that I just can’t stand it anymore. It’s embarrassing to me. I have isolated myself socially because I can’t stand to hear him tell total BS to people I care about. I am constantly questioning myself; Am I this stupid for staying? Am I really so stupid to think he will ever change? I finally had enough and asked him to leave last week. I realize that this is an addiction for him... he can’t just stop, he needs professional guidance. I have said all this to him before over and over, but if losing his family is what it will take for him to get help, I have to do it. Whether we reconcile or not, I truly hope that he admits to himself that he has a problem, as many of you have, and that he gets the help he needs.
written by heartbroken2, 20 March, 2011
I have been married to a compulsive liar for 28 years. Like theainbanff I have always known there was something wrong, but because we had 3 children and my husband was so kind all the time, I felt it was just something I could overlook. After all, there were husbands who beat their wives, right? Now our children are adults, 28, 25 & 23 and last month my husband left on a "business trip" and the next thing I knew, he sent a letter saying he had terminal cancer and was checking himself into a hospice somewhere and would not be coming back. At first we were shocked and heartbroken until we started to look into his credit report. Long story short, he had been planning for the last 2 years to move to another state with another woman. Now I am 61 and left alone to figure out how I am going to live the rest of my life in debt and alone.
If you have any question about whether or not a compulsive liar is a problem, please heed this advice – run away as fast as you can!
written by Angela Gee, 11 April, 2011
Gosh, I came on this thread looking for SUCCESS stories...found pretty much none...this is very disheartening. So basically for me and my compulsive liar boyfriend...this is as good as it’s going to get??
written by spender racing, 24 May, 2011
I am not sure about success stories, but I had a problem with lying, always about how successful I was and how well I was doing. Business was doing well etc. My long suffering wife has put up with so much, yet she only knew half the story. Recently I had a breakdown and it all came out and I wrote down everything I knew to be a lie and the truths, and the lies were massive, all resulting in no money left. However, what did and has come out this breakdown has been a diagnosis of Bi Polar, which it may seem strange to hear me say but I am thankful for. I knew there was a problem and I sought help, this is the hardest part, I had a massive trigger my family were hurting because of the lies I had to do something about it. My therapy and medication has begun and I have been given coping strategies to recognise when I may be about to lie and am able to deal with this. I gave full control of everything to my wife, financial everything to build the trust back up in the relationship. This is still early days but we are getting there very slowly. My lying seems to have been tied in with Bi Polar where I thought my lies were true so was able to tell anyone about them without "lying". Obviously I was but I was unaware of it. The hardest part you will have is for the person to seek help, the only way you will get them to do this in my experience is to be open and honest with them, avoid the confrontation but try and be as relaxed as possible, don’t make a massive deal of it and get into an argument. Remind them of what they will lose if they don’t seek help and suggest you go see a professional together, that will help. In the early days I was alone in this, whilst my wife and children were trying to work out what on earth was going on. There is hope in all of this, you just need to decide from your own perspective how much support you can give, and is it kinder to yourself to walk away. A tough call but you need to be able to make it. It all can get better but it is hard work.
written by Stressed, 17 June, 2011
Unfortunately, I am yet another person without a success story in how to deal with or "cure" a compulsive liar. Our family & people who know us get to deal with an ex-wife who is a compulsive liar & even though she gave us the kids, she brings us to court for any accusation she can dream up. It’s made our lives (& the lives of anyone closely involved)very stressful at times. It amazes me that no matter how many documents, recordings & witnesses there are, she shows no concern for being caught in her lies & simply changes the story even when directly confronted with evidence of the truth. All we do to cope is take care of our family, teach the importance & respectfulness of honesty to our children & continue to document. Our experiences have tainted us a little but hopefully all of our children will grow to be honest, respectful & considerate adults from all the lessons learned.
written by nicksgirl44t, 25 July, 2011
i am 22 years old, i think im a compulsive liar im not sure what the difference is, but i think i lie to make my life more interesting. I lost my job in feb i quit it, ever since then my life has hit a downward spiral. I hate lying to the ones i love. I want to learn to stop before i lose the ones i care about or me. Im so depressed ive hit the stage where im tired of my lies and the only way out is ending it, but i dont want to die i really dont im scared of dieing. im so stressed that my heart is hurting me now to, and stress can do alot to the body. I stopped lieing well i started telling the truth and i felt so much better but now the lies have started again. anyone know how to get some help. Because i really need it. i use to go to church all the time. I still talk to god yes i believe but i just feel like my life isnt going anywhere and i know its all my fault. can someone please help me?
written by simmmslaxchick2, 22 August, 2011
truth to be told i am a compulsive liar and i have been a compulsive liar since i was 13 years old and now i am 16. i want to stop lying so bad because the only thing that lying has done for me is made me loose friends, loose my family’s trust, and almost loose my wonderful amazing boyfriend. i am now going to a program called Philhaven so that i can get help to stop lying. i am not as bad as i used to be because i have gotten a little bit better on my own but i want to stop completely because i want everyone to see the amazing fun great outgoing truthful person that i KNOW that i can be. i want them to see that everyday. i am not in this program just for myself. i am in this program for me, my family, my friends, and my amazing boyfriend. i love them all to death and i know that the love me and that they want the best form me and they have done so much for me i just wish that i could give them back the things that they gave me and that is what i am determined to do. i am going to stop lying and set myself straight so that i stop lying because that is why i am in the program and that is what i am determined to do.
written by concerned mum, 23 September, 2011
My son who is 21 is a compulsive liar. I believe that some of it must be hereditary as his father who I split up with when I was pregnant was a compulsive liar and now when I reflect back so was my ex husbands father. My son has grown up with a loving family with myself and his sister who is 6 years older for the first 3 years and then I met someone else who I married after 10 years of being together and now we have been together for 18 years. He has been a fantastic husband and dad to both my son and daughter and he loves them both dearly and has always looked upon them as his own children.
When I look back our son has lied from a small boy mainly to protect himself from getting into trouble with something he’d done.
He would always say it wasn’t him or it was an accident of some sort and didn’t mean to do it. He would continually lie and was always very convincing that we would sometimes doubt ourselves and I think he would really believe the lies himself. My husband was always up the school trying to fight his corner as we believed him.
Over the years he has caused us a lot of worry and heartache and when he was younger I tried to make excuses for him saying he was immature and will grow up eventually, or he didn’t mean to do it and I even blamed the friends he went around with by saying he was easily led. Unfortunately to my horror I now realize there is no excuse he is a manipulative compulsive liar. The friends he goes around with are all younger than him and as some friends get older and mature they are no longer friends, so he moves on to younger people. He has a girlfriend who is 18 and seems lovely but he cheats on her with other girls who are around 16-17. She has found him out once and forgave him. I think he is also addicted to sex. When he was 19 he passed to go into marine training but only lasted about 6 weeks as he made a few mistakes and they wanted to back troop him and he said he was having none of it and left. He then tried to get in the navy and passed everything and when he went to his medical they said all he has to do was lose around 3 inches off his waist and again never bothered.
He has been sacked from jobs around 6 times (not lasting more than 3 months) mainly call center jobs for being mainly late, once being rude to a customer and also cutting calls and at the moment he is not working as just been sacked.
written by concerned mum, 23 September, 2011
Continued: When he has money he is dangerous he gets himself into debt he spends money like there is no tomorrow. We had to try and take control and in between jobs with his agreement managed to help him budget his money so he was no longer in debt. He has a contract phone which has to be paid as he locked into the contract for another year. So this time when he lost this job which we had our suspicions and he wouldn’t admit it until he went out with friends and spent £200 we took his bank card away and give him his money what he’s got weekly and we make sure he has enough from his money to pay his monthly phone bill.
He passed his driving test at 18 and we bought him a second hand car as we did with his sister and that got vandalized by some youths so he got the insurance and bought another car. This car he wrecked by having a couple of accidents and then the weed smoking started. He used his car by taking out his cronies and all smoking weed. we knew this by the burn marks in the seats and bits of it in his car.
This car then was scrapped because it wouldn’t pass its mot.
He had money in a savings account that I had saved over the years for him and always said he could have it when he was 21 (thinking he may be more responsible then). When he was 21 he bought another second hand car with the money which i thought would be good and just maybe he had learnt his lesson from the last car.
Well guess what? I no need to tell you he’s treated this car exactly the same but at the moment he cannot drive it much as he has no money to put fuel in.
He has left his face-book on display and I admit to looking at it. He tells other girls how hot they are and would like to meet up with them. Some fall for it but there are few sensible ones that don’t.
He tends to lose things like his wallet with his driving license in so then has to pay out to get another one. He has also gone out with a shirt on to a party and come back with another one saying he got that one wet but we don’t see it anymore and he gives his friends back the top he borrowed. We think he gets himself into fights etc. I also put his bad memory down to the weed smoking. Although, he has never had a very good concentration span and his attitude can be very immature.
I have thought about giving his bank card back and letting him get on with it but he lives in our house and worry who will come knocking at our door as that has happened before when we let him to his own devices. I also thought about kicking him out the house but worry what would become of him. We have said to him if he wants to live in our house then there are some rules he has to stick by and told him this is his home but this is our house. The rules are basically he has to clean up his own mess, do his own ironing and in the week days he has to be in by 11.30pm as me and his dad both work and have stressful jobs. Weekends he comes in when he wants but we want to know if he chooses to stay out which he tends to most of the time and most of the time he does abide by our requests. We also charge him 25.00 a week keep whether he is working or on jobseekers. He always lies as my husband puts it to beef himself up, to get his own way, to get himself out of trouble and do what he wants to do and don’t care about anyone else or who he hurts in the process.
He has even stolen money off us once but always denied this after being confronted. I have left money around since to see and he hasn’t touched it.
I love him as he is my son but I hate him as the person he has become. Occasionally
I see a loving lad who I would desperately love to change his ways but, after reading that compulsive liars don’t change their ways it breaks my heart.
I know that we cannot be alone and there are lot of other people with sons and daughters like mine but because they are our children it is so hard to block them out of your life and do it successfully. On the other hand I see people with children who are not like this and are mature, responsible people and wonder where did we go wrong? My husband said he could probably cope with the antics he gets up to if he didn’t tell all the lies that come with it and this is what winds him up the most and sometimes it nearly comes to blows in our house which is awful and I say to my husband why do you let yourself get wound up and he says he gets so frustrated with it all and i do also but I tend to get a sick feeling in my stomach and sometimes I feel that my heart is actually aching.
written by anonymous89, 25 September, 2011
I have been in a relationship from past 7 months and 20 days back i got 2 know that he was lying 2 me on several things, many big things and some not even relevant and i broke up with him. After searching on internet and reading all of above, i got 2 know that he is a compulsive liar. I do believe that he truly loves me and i also do. He is trying his best 2 get me back.

Now i am in a tiff whether i should try n help him out or just let the things go as it is because many of the above posts show that these people doesn’t change and this would be a waste of time and energy. But somewhere my heart says that not doing anything 4 him is not right. On the other hand, i think that m already so much hurt and dont want to get more hurt by his lies.

PLEASE advice and help e in taking a right decision.
written by jenna123, 05 October, 2011
I have friend who is just like this, she lies and lies. There are times when they get so out of control it frightens me that I seem to always be the only one who notices them. She makes up fake facebooks and texts herself as a guy to try and prove something to my friends and bring them closer, I always catch them. Like your husband, whenever confronted she becomes very defensive and tries to make me seem like a bad guy for ever thinking she would do that, so to me there seems like no hope for her. So many people are blind to her manipulative behavior because she is witty,, funny, and nice but that seems to be part of her whole "act." I can never trust her, and i’m not sure why so many people keep befriending her.
written by MCK, 21 November, 2011
I’ve read this entire post and realized that i must share this video by Pamela Meyer. I hope all of you watch this. Good Luck.

http://aegisworld.posterous.com/lies-and-british-authorities-pamela-meyer-in
written by To Concerned Mum:, 24 November, 2011
Hello concerned mum. I read your posts with interest. I feel your concern and sense that you are tearing yourself apart trying to understand your son’s behavior. I will answer your agony, and hope it will help others here as well.

The answer is right there in front of you. You described precisely what created the problem---your indulgence, denial, and blindness to your son’s behavioral problems which continued for YEARS. His entire childhood in fact if I’m reading your post correctly. In reality, you raised him to believe consequences shouldn’t apply to him; that he need only lie to avoid them. You need to snap out of denial and realize that you REWARDED him for his poor behavior from the start and you continued to do this all throughout his childhood. Now, his childhood is over, the "raising" years have passed, and you are frustrated and perplexed, devastated even, by his immature behavior and inability to be accountable. Do you seriously not see that you programmed him to be this way? There is NO WAY he could be anything but the pathological liar he is today given the way he was raised! Think about it. From the day he was born his only influence in the world was his parents and what did they consistently drill into him? That he is not responsible for the things he does, that its okay to lie to avoid consequences. Its all he knows. Its all he’d been exposed to. Parents need to realize they are actively programming their children by what they choose to reward, ignore, or deny. If you as a parent have a pattern of ignoring, excusing, or looking the other way at your child’s lies..then you need to realize the only message they learn from that is that its their right to do whatever they wish, so long as they lie and deny their way out of it! You rewarded this behavior, again and again, for years, and don’t even realize it!

written by To Concerned Mum:, 24 November, 2011
Your children accurately reflect back to you how you raised them. Not your hopes, or wishes, or fantasies, but what you actually-in-the-real-world raised them to be.
I know its nobodys intention to create a personality disordered child. But that is exactly what you are doing when you spoil them. Spoiling is not about material indulgence. It’s about personal indulgence..letting them get away with everything..you are rewarding them by indulging their misbehavior and lies. When parents excuse poor behavior, the child gets the message drilled into them that what they do is okay. Excusing it= justifying it. Denying it=justifying it Overlooking it/putting your head in the sand= justifying it.
Anything short of making your child sit with consequences that fit the transgression is not only dropping the ball as a parent--it is actively programming your kid to remain at the emotional and personality level of a toddler! The stage of human development where we haven’t yet grasped that actions have consequences, the stage where we lie and deny even accuse others in order to avoid facing consequences for some misdeed. This is what happens when parents choose to look the other way or excuse their child’s lying. You are programming them to be a monster. Then when they get big, and the problems get bigger along with them (so much so that you can no longer remain in denial about it) then you get frustrated and angry at the child. Such irony! You are mad and devastated at them for being EXACTLY what you trained them to be! As if they had a chance to be anything else! You had them from day one, they came to you blank slates, and you consistently programmed them to be what they’ve become. Whether you realize it or not, it’s done. You can’t blame your child for your own lazy parenting. You as the parent were responsible for raising them and socializing them into healthy adults. If you dropped the ball, no amount of denial or excuses, or resentment on your part will change that now.

written by To Concerned Mum:, 24 November, 2011
What you need to do now: 1.Understand your child is EXACTLY what YOU programmed him to be. There is no hope of change if you cannot face this.
2. It’s time to start giving him consequences. Real life consequences that fit his misbehavior/lies. Yelling and expressing your disappointment to your son is NOT a consequence. It is NOT discipline. It is merely you losing your cool and VENTING. Venting is not discipline. Yelling or pleading with your son will have zero affect on his behavior. Remember, only a real life CONSEQUENCE will do that. And yelling, pleading, reasoning, getting frustrated at your son is only VENTING. Its all for you..letting off steam. But it has absolutely nothing to do with parenting and is counter productive. All is shows your child is that YOU are out of control. Remember--making them face real life consequences are the only way to change poor behavior.
Example of a consequence that fits the transgression: you son steals? Then take him to the store and make him return it in person. Do NOT argue with him about it, reason with him, or scold. Just hit him with the consequence in a calm, matter of fact manner.
Example 2: You son lies about computer use? Don’t argue with him. Just take away the computer for a period of time. If he misused it, he needs to learn he loses the privilege of using it.
Example 3: He’s irresponsible with the cars you keep buying him? Take them away for a period of time. The key is to not yell at him or show disappointment. Keep it unemotional and matter of fact. "If you do this...then this is the logical consequence." Follow through. Every time. And so on.
Keep doing it until he realizes that consequences apply to him. Reallize that up til now he’s been brain washed into belileving that they don’t. Its up to you to correct this, but first you have to diligently apply the tough love consequences into his head. It will be very hard, and require that much more effort and patience on your part, but that is because you have to re-write over all the previous programming you’ve drilled into him that taught him rules need not apply to him. It will be harder and take longer to re-train him because he isn’t a maleable child anymore, easy to shape. We come into this world blank slates, and our parents write on us, programming us with the behavior they reward. As we get older, the less and less shaped we are by our parents. But as children, we are completely vulnerable to what our parents do and say and instill in us. So it will be harder to change your sons behavior now as 1. You have to essentially re-raise him now, re-write over previous parental programming. 2. He’s grown. Its easier to shape and instill new traits while we’re children (while the personality was actually developing). The raising should have been done during childhood when we are most open and influence-able. But it wasn’t. Now you have to start from scratch. Provide consequences and instill the basics in him regarding personal accountability, things that should have been taught during his toddler years. So don’t loose patience and expect him to behave better because of his age. You can’t expect him to know better. He knows exactly what you programmed him to know. He’s really a toddler in an adults body. It would help for you to remember that when you get frustrated and think you shouldn’t have to be dealing with this. Start small. Start in reality. You can’t deal with him like he’s a normal adult that should know better. Because he isn’t. Because you didn’t raise him to be. You can’t reason with him. Just like you can’t reason with a toddler. First you need to hit them with real life physical consequences (taking away cars, phones, whatever they’re misusing). They need to understand behavior is tied to consequences BEFORE you can try reasoning with them. Otherwise, if they haven’t yet grasped this basic principal, you are wasting your breathe. You have to start instilling consequences that match his transgressions, and do this repeatedly, consistently. Until it sinks in. Until he gets it that its a part of life to face consequences, and tie them to behavior. Words are useless. Consequences the answer. Just repeat, repeat, repeat until he sees the pattern will remain the same..that consequences will be faced every time.

written by To Concerned Mum:, 24 November, 2011
People could save themselves such heartache if they only woke up and became conscious of how they were parenting. Conscious of how they are treating others, conscious of their OWN behavior. A lot of parents are completely unconscious of how they indulge and spoil their children by overlooking little problems. By sticking their head in the sand of denial they just let the problems grow bigger and bigger. If you are the parent it is your responsibility to get your head out of sand and raise your children. A very basic part of raising is to teach that poor behavior has consequences. I do have sympathy for these parents that have created a lying, irresponsible child. It can happen with the best of intentions. I know from experience. My mother is a pathological liar. She has BPD and in incapable of owning up when she messes up. Instead, she rages or flies into denial. That’s because she was spoiled as a child. Her parents, my grandparents are the most loving, kind people. But they looked the other way when my mom was a little girl. They saw only the good in her, and refused to deal with the unpleasant side..She was never disciplined. Not once. Because the chose to ignore bad behavior and excuse it. She was their little angel. It’s come back to bite them, however. She was raised to believe consequences don’t apply to her, and so she has become a grown woman who throws tantrums and lies to avoid facing consequences. The way she was raised causes her to deep down believe no one has any right to impose consequences on her, or to imply that she is capable of wrongdoing. Talking, reasoning, pleading with her to change her behavior only enrages her. How dare anyone question her. She has the right to do whatever she wishes consequence free! Even if it hurts others, its her right! So these people believe...That’s what happens when you consistently look the other way and excuse poor behavior in children. It creates a big lying, irresponsible monster. Who only cares about themselves and getting their way. To a pathological degree. My grandparents were no monsters. They never intended for my mother to be this way. But they were rich on loving, and totally absent on disciplining. They created a monster.
We program our children into what they become. If you are still in denial about that, then I can guarantee you are still (unconsciously) programming your children to be irresponsible accountability avoiders.

written by To Concerned Mum:, 24 November, 2011
Concerned Mom: I just re-read your post and two things pop out at me disturbingly.

You say it is getting extremely volatile at your house, and close to blows (over your son’s pattern of lying to cover his irresponsibility).

You also started off your post displaying the most shockingly obtuse denial I’ve ever seen, especially shocking when you go on in your post to display insight and accurately describe your son’s behavior and its affect on everyone. What you fail to see is how YOU affected your son when you consistently failed to give him consequences all throughout his childhood. You believed his lies when he was little because he sounded so convincing? What child doesn’t test the waters by lying to see what they can get away with? You need to own that you as a parent repeatedly looked the other way at the very behavior you now so abhor. In essence YOU PROGRAMMED HIM TO BE WHAT HE IS TODAY. He was a vulnerable, sculpt-able child, and it was YOUR JOB to correct his misbehavior. It was your job to teach him that lying was wrong. Instead you taught him the opposite--that lying is an acceptable way to avoid facing consequences. You gave him that message, again and again, for years, for his entire childhood, and now you act devastated by his behavior which you drilled into him, and let your husband come to fists against him? So let me get this straight? His parents actively trained and rewarded him to be a lying unaccountable person, and now they’re raging against him for being EXACTLY what they trained him to be? The irony is thick indeed! Incredible. The lack of consciousness on your part. You were in denial for years while raising your child, excusing his behavior, believing him, whatever excuse you had for not disciplining him, for absconding your parenting skills, you gave it. Finally, you come out of denial just enough to see your son’s behavior for what it is. But you’re still in denial about your part in you son’s behavior. Which is EVERYTHING! Hello! Instead you blame it on his absent father, who was also a liar (genetics, you hope). Genetics. Because you wouldn’t want to come out of denial and face the reality that YOU trained your son to be this way. It’s right there in front of you. Its so obvious. But you were in denial about your child’s behavior while he was growing up, and you’re in denial now about what caused it. Big time, disgusting denial. This is how we raise little monsters. How do you expect a child to tie consequences to behavior when his own parents cannot? Hint: Spoiling your child, overlooking/excusing bad behavior, or otherwise failing to parent your child by applying discipline is a behavior. It’s a choice a parent makes. Do you know what the consequence of that parental behavior is? It’s having a spoiled, lying, irresponsible child on your hands.
It’s a pretty logical consequence. An obvious result. But when you’re in denial as a parent, you can blind yourself to the most obvious, simple truth.
written by To Concerned Mum:, 25 November, 2011
I’m sorry but I don’t want you to live in denial for the rest of your life. Especially since you seem to want change.
YOU rewarded him for lying to escape accountability during his entire childhood. Thats what you did by looking the other way, excusing his behavior. You failed to discipline and correct, you let it slide. Therefore you trained him to lie. You raised him to be this way.
You were in denial about your child’s behavior;
You were in denial and blamed his friends for his lying;
You blamed his father (who wasn’t even in the equation);
You are in denial all this time and you still are.
Because, honey, YOU are the reason he is an irresponsible liar.
YOU trained him to be this way. Actively, repeatedly, trained him to be this way.
And yet....Oh, it must be because of his friends,..oh it must be because of his father...
Denial, denial, denial.
You completely shaped him, reinforced, rewarded undesirable behavior..for YEARS......and you still want to find someone else to blame? There must be some excuse, right? It’s the father who had nothing whatsoever to do with raising him, right? Its his fault now. Denial. First denial: there is no problem with my child’s behavior; Second denial: Its just his friends, they’re a bad influence; Third denial: It’s not his friends? Well, then it must be genetics. His father is to blame. He was a liar too.

Hello! You trained him to be a liar. Actively, blatantly, raised him to be this. And you are still in denial. Do you live your life from the center of denial? This is the most incredibly obtuse denial I’ve ever seen. Don’t feel bad about it. Just snap out of it! Wake up, and then you can deal with the problem from reality.
written by To Concerned Mum:, 25 November, 2011
If you saw someone get a puppy and watched as they consistently failed to discipline it, rewarded it even, by talking soothingly to it, lovingly doling out excuses for bad behavior, ignoring all the the bad things...and you watched this puppy become an ill-behaved dog that bites, barks, and reacts to the slightest stimuli, chews up furniture, pees in the house...What would you think of the owner who acted mystified by her dog’s behavior and wondered aloud if it wasn’t genetics that was behind this acting up? You’d think this woman was obnoxiously, dangerously, CLUELESS. Some people love their pets (and their children) so much that they can’t bear to discipline them. Perhaps some are simply to lazy as well. These overindulged pets who’s owners failed to consistently make them sit with consequences for undesirable behavior invariably have the most obnoxious, untrained, wild pets. Same applies to children. Raising and training principles apply in both cases. When the parents don’t discipline, just as when you don’t train your dog, you always get the same result. It was your responsibility to raise your child. If you failed to do that because you were in denial, for godsakes don’t remain in denial and blame his behavior on genes, friends, who knows. We do know. Its how you raised him. The universe doesn’t raise them, his friends didn’t raise him, his father certainly didn’t raise him, nor should it be your expectation that he raise himself. Thats was your job. You are getting back exactly what you put in. This kid didn’t stand a chance the way you trained him. You can’t just yell at him now and expect him to understand his actions have consequences. Because he doesn’t understand it. Not on any basic level. Because you brainwashed him this way. Now you have to take baby steps and resume child raising as if he were still a toddler. Because developmentally thats where he is. You can’t approach or reason with him like an adult because developmentally he isn’t there. And it has EVERYTHING to do with how YOU trained this boy from day one. So don’t yell at him when he messed up. It’s pointless. He doesn’t grasp that his actions have consequences. He really doesn’t. Just make him sit with consequences. Every time. No yelling. No frustration. Because you really shouldn’t expect him to be anything else at this point. Lose that expectation of him being a responsible adult. For now. Think of him as a toddler. Don’t reason, don’t argue, just keep doling out real life consequences. Be consistent. Repeat, repeat, repeat until he gets it. It will take a long time, and much effort on your part. Patience. But thats because you have to overcome the way you raised him..which conditioned him into the lying accountability avoider he is today.
written by To Concerned Mum:, 25 November, 2011
You brainwashed your child into becoming irresponsible and a liar. You did it by excusing and looking the other way. You failed to discipline. You in fact, REWARDED him for poor behavior by repeatedly letting him lie to escape consequences. Thats on you, not him. Its the parents job to raise their kids, not the other way around. Nor is it the child’s job to raise himself. It was your job.
If you want to brainwash a child into a responsible, honest person..then reward good behavior and GIVE CONSEQUENCES FOR BAD BEHAVIOR. Every time. Consistently discipline. So that eventually the child sees the pattern that bad behavior has consequences and is undesirable. You don’t discipline only when you’re in the mood to deal with it, or only try a few times then give up. You do it consistently. Every time the kid messes up, you deal with it. You provide a logical consequence. You don’t stick your head in the sand of denial and pretend it isn’t happening just so you don’t have to do anything, like say, parent. Being in denial makes you feel good temporarily (no problem here) but it doesn’t mean you aren’t actively choosing to let the problem grow bigger and bigger by your own inaction. Parenting needs to be consistent or else it gives conflicting messages to the children. In your case it appears you consistently rewarded and excused poor behavior. And yes, it is a reward when you let him get away with poor behavior by lying his way out of it. You taught him that lying works. You made it his way of life and he simply doesn’t know any other way of life.
I do not like seeing people in such sickening denial. Its only serves to make them feel better about themselves. Well, the price of that is your child’s life, so I hope its worth it to you.
Its like an abusive man who beats his wife and children and then tells everyone "I don’t know why my family is so withdrawn. I don’t know why they aren’t cheerful, outgoing people. Why aren’t they smiling and happy? It must be genetics. They take after their mother. Look at her, so depressed. Yep, its genetics!"
As he resumes beating them behind closed doors.
Some people have no clue how their own behavior affects others. They will remain in denial forever. It makes them feel so much better about themselves to do so.
How do you expect the child to learn behavior has consequences when their own parents fail to grasp it! Just look at what you are saying, doing, rewarding to your children and how it effects them. Some parents are totally unconscious of how they’re treating their children, then sit back, aghast, bewildered and ask "How did my child get this way?" FROM YOU! Wake up! I’m sorry but this kind of denial just sickens me.
written by SamE, 25 November, 2011
Enabling a child’s lies and misbehavior conditions them to expect they can get away with whatever and lie and deny their way out of it. It doesn’t matter if the parents intentionally spoiled their child or were just too busy or checked out to notice. If you don’t reprimand and correct you child when they misbehave the end result is the same. It is enabling. If you stick to this pattern for years, well, you seal your kids fate. The conditioning will be deeply ingrained. Some people don’t realize what sponges little children are. If parents reward or give excuses for their kids lying behavior (or worse, don’t even notice it) what do you expect the kid to learn? They get the message that they can get away with things so long as they lie. They expect to get away with things. The parents enabled and endorses this trait in their kid whether they want to admit it or not. Whether they are conscious of it or not. It happened. They let the pattern continue for years. The parents are responsible for their own actions. They are responsible for their own parenting or lack there of. They are responsible for the results of that parenting. It is frustrating to see some parents overindulge and shield their child from facing consequences, then act bewildered by their inability to be accountable later in life.
written by Squirrel7515, 27 November, 2011
I’ve been married for over 7 years now and my wife is going to leave me because of my compulsive lying. I can remember when I was a kid telling my mom that I didn’t have any homework so that I could do the things that were fun after school. She would ultimately find out because of my bad grades. The punishment that I received for that would make me stop lying for a while, but the next thing you know I was doing it again. It has been the same way for my marriage. My wife has caught me in so many lies, it’s ridiculous. I’ve never admitted that I have had a problem until now. I hope that I can change. I want to change for me and my relationship. Now that I’ve done the first step of being an addict, what’s the next?
written by donnowhy, 24 January, 2012
i am a compulsive lier. i have a wonderful wife who had been through many tough times before we met. i do not know why i lie. i do recognize the symptoms now. i find that i lie mostly about uncomfortable things, like money... as there is a lack of it. i am composing a list of lies... that i can recall... and the truths.... i will also start... as of today... to make notes.. to kinda check myself... i do feel backed into a corner a lot... i dont mean harm, or even have the ability to process it most of the time... but after i lie i do go to many lengths to support the lie. in the past i have lied about jobs, money, cars, status.. if you will... and even small things like what i had for lunch... i am seeking support for this long road ahead.
written by Pennyluhu, 26 January, 2012
I turned to this page for the Success Stories" I have found none. I lived with a sociopaths liar in my early twenties on and off (he was in and out of jail for stupid things)for two and a half years. The only success I came up with was to quit the relationship. Since then I have become adept at catching liars but want to know. How to handle them in social situations. I hate deceptions and exaggerations and I run into a notorious example of this on a regular basis and am so disgusted by her I am ready to bust her out in public. Lying is a sin.
written by IN PAIN, 28 February, 2012
After spending the last 6 months of my life and being in the worst depression of my life. I can say without reservation I am a liar. And now I realize just how much pain I’ve caused in my life to those around me.Now I am getting help with the why? What happened in my life that as lead me down this road of self destruction? Is there hope? I want to believe there is.But the fear and humiliation I feel can’t compare with the humiliation and hurt and anger I’ve caused to those I love the most.Now I have to go to them face to face and confess everything all of it no matter what the cost. I hope to be given one more chance to prove I am transparent. It’s in God’s hands now . I’m tired of running away from myself. Someone please say a prayer for me
written by footprints, 11 March, 2012
Dirty laundry and an ego that tells you that perfect is the only way to go are what fuel your lies. Can you step into another’s shoes and walk their mile after your lie impacts them in hurtful ways ? If this is you then you need a soul . Good luck.
written by Armando, 13 March, 2012
I THINK am a compulsive liar, and i THINK i lie because of being picked on by kids at school, i got slapped by a asian guy in the boy’s locker room for telling my teacher that he was cheating from my paper( i was 13) any thing that i did right, there was a consequence but when i lied, positivity everywhere. As i got older it became a habit to tell my mother i finished my HW so i could go have fun, i was oblivious to how this would hurt me in the future. it’s not fun being a CL, because at the end of the day, you know you lied. i am now 24 years old and a few hours ago i JUST realized how it affects everyone around me, i divorced the love of my life because she had me figured out. i was scared of what my parents, the only people in this world that believed me, would think of me. so i had to eliminate the obvious and since i knew my wife’s past, i knew she would be blamed for it (i was oblivious to how it was hurting everyone at this point, i was just defending myself with out caring about the feelings of others especially my wife) i’m working towards telling the truth at all times, starting with becoming a man and confronting the dreaded in-laws, at least it will be out in the open and the people that love me will support me in this journey, especially my loving wife that has taken me from a liar or CL which ever i may be to a work in progress. smilies/smiley.gif i hope this was some help.

written by ..., 21 March, 2012
Hi everyone, I have good news and bad news: I am a recovered compulsive liar. Yes, a success story! The bad news: I offer no antidote or formula for other successes. Here’s my story:

As a little kid, I was verbally bullied by other children. They would pick on me for anything from the size of my ears to the volume of my voice (I’ve always spoken loudly). I had and have shaky hands and am rather clumsy and uncoordinated. I sweat more than normal. I had friends, but they would sometimes tease me as friends do, and the teasing and the bullying eventually started sounding the same. This continued through middle school and even some of high school. My parents did punish me when they caught me lying, but many of my lies were undetectable.

Now as an adult, I still lied. When I moved in with my girlfriend, I would break things and, irrationally worried about bullying due to my clumsiness, I would lie and blame it on the cat. I would get defensive when she made jokes about my voice or nose, because I had grown accustomed to reacting that way during my bullying days. I would lie about anything that might expose me as less than perfect. Eventually I got caught, and her disgust and disappoint me haunt me to this day. But she endured it hoping I would get better. That argument pushed me toward recovery, but didn’t quite tip me over the edge quite yet.

About a month later, she believed me when I blamed my third broken glass item on the cat again. This time, she yelled at him and sprayed him. He looked incredibly confused and ashamed. Remembering our argument from before, and seeing him slink around the apartment hoping not to be noticed for fear of being yelled at again, I finally had my breakthrough and said enough is enough.

That was two years ago. I came clean to every lie I’ve told since that day. It was hard, and we fought again. But I’ve gotten better. I work hard on my appearance so that I don’t feel a need to defend myself on it. I got a new, much improved job and now make more money than she does. I manage our finances. She looks over them afterwards, but no problems have arisen. I also pay all the bills. She finally trusts me again, and I will never betray that trust again. Oh, and the cat lives like a king.

I don’t know how to help others with lying problems. You need to work on your self-esteem by fostering in yourself a spirit of competition with others. Then you need to accomplish things and "win". Eliminate whatever you can that you feel compelled to lie about: if it’s something you do, stop doing it. Ultimately, I think it comes down to experiencing and witnessing the consequences of your lies. And unfortunately for couples, that often means breaking up.
written by MsNelli, 03 April, 2012
I have a solution for all of you that have been deceived ....Respect your self and get out, things will never change, quit making ridiculous excuses to try and play and manipulate their game your asking for bigger problems... just remember if you choose to stay, you choose to be destroyed of your good values & morals.
Winners move on and make a difference!
written by mindyf, 13 April, 2012
my cl and i just had a baby. i am feeling so many of the feelings described here. plan to confront him tonight but have a sinking feeling he will brush it off and be mad at me for finding the concrete evidence. It’s sad but reassuring that others are going through this i will continue to read this page, very informative and useful. thanks, everyone!
written by bodie, 23 April, 2012
omg i married a compulsive liar who lies about everything not always for any gain,but the pattern is he is always a victim imagining wrong doings, which are lies never a good word for anyone,yet charming loving and hard working.Surprise i found out a recovering alcoholic after we married, what is the connection, i confront his regularly only to receive his total denial even with evidence, why do i feel ashamed and guilty
written by rachael v, 03 June, 2012
I have a question for some of the enlightened compulsive liars out there:
I just confronted my partner about his compulsive lying, I found out he lied to me about pretty much everything – where he is, what he’s doing – and his stories and excuses got more and more elaborate that of course it made me question him. I did some digging, and as I suspected, he lied about A LOT of things.
I confronted him about it, by telling him what I know (emphasis on the word ‘know’) and he reacted by saying that he’s “sick of having to justify things when questions are asked”, to which I pointed out that I am not asking him to justify anything, because there’s nothing that needs explaining. I was just letting him know, that I know he lied and that is my reason for ending things. From, everything I’ve read here, his reaction seems to be what can be expected, but I’m just curious to know – how does a compulsive liar feel when they are confronted with the truth (particularly when there is undeniable proof)? Because, he still attempted to justify at least some of the lies I caught him out of (I assume because he didn’t have anything he could think of about the other lies). I’d like to know because when I’m caught out in a lie, my reaction is just to admit it.
written by gaygreekboy22, 11 July, 2012
Hello to everyone. I am really shocked for all this. I had a relationship with a boy 3,5 years. We are both gay. The reason we broke up was that he was lying to me about almost everything. First about his family, then about his friends and after about his faithfulness. He was cheating on me for a long time but he was very ok with me, like everything was fine. I am scared when I think how honest he seemed to be. We had a talk and he admitted most of his lies. He has been through many rough times with his family. His dad is mentally ill and a satanic and his mother is a nasty bitch. I really love him, he is my half-ego but I am not sure that I can take more shit from him. If we visit a psychiatrist, will it help? I want him to be fine, not a liar that will fail in his life. His parents are very terrible and his most friends are no better. I love him so much. Any help or suggestions are welcome. Thanks.
written by to rachel v, 21 July, 2012
When CL like myself, are confronted, we all feel different, but if he truly loves you, at some part of his heart, it hurts, to know he hurt you. What most people don’t understand is not all of us just don’t give a shit. Some of us do, I find myself never ever lying about if I truly care about someone or not, but more stuff that doesn’t really matter.
written by Texan, 23 July, 2012
If we don’t help them, the ones we love, nobody will.
written by rachel v, 25 July, 2012
Thanks for your reply ‘to rachel v’, another question for CLs – are we just enabling you by sticking around? Or deep down, do you think you too would be better off without us?
written by Ldk, 27 July, 2012
My advice? Get out. This will never get better, and you are only disrespecting yourself by taking this Axis II garbage from anybody. You want to love & support and wait it out? Good luck. A sociopath is a sociopath, and no amount of love on your part will change that.
written by Nikki h, 31 July, 2012
Wow I never realized that this a true legit problem I’m married to a compulsive liar for 3 years...from the day I met him he has lied to me. we have made some progress over time and grew very close over 2 deployments. I thought all this progress we made would help us....but I just found out he lied again!! Idk what to do....I love him so much smilies/sad.gif I don’t understand why telling a lie is more important then not seeing me cry again smilies/sad.gif
written by Nikki h, 31 July, 2012
Wow I never realized that this a true legit problem I’m married to a compulsive liar for 3 years...from the day I met him he has lied to me. we have made some progress over time and grew very close over 2 deployments. I thought all this progress we made would help us....but I just found out he lied again!! Idk what to do....I love him so much smilies/sad.gif I don’t understand why telling a lie is more important then not seeing me cry again smilies/sad.gif
written by BrettB, 09 August, 2012
My ex-gf is a compulsive liar. We broke up because of her lying. She said she loves me and I still have feelings so im trying to stick it out and help her reform from her lying problems. Like somebody said, if its not the loved ones that will help, then nobody wwill. I dont want her to be stuck in this rut. She has told me she knows she has a problem and lies but she keeps telling them. She sees that she hurts me too but insists on lying still. Earlier I told her she needs to see a therapist and recieve help and 2 weeks later she said she was in the process of seeing the therapist but I found out today that she never seen one still. The only thing that I have gotten her to admit to her lies is to threaten never talking to her again. I have tried calmly approaching her, scaring her to lie to me, talking about why she lies. She just gives me multiple answers for each individual lie like oh I lied about this because I wanted to make myself look better, I lied about that because I was scared to tell you the truth, I lied about seeing a therapists because I dont want to go alone... After doing research, Ive seen that C.Lying is a result of a bigger psychological problem like Bipolar, Narcissistic disorder etc...So hopefully I can go with her to the therapists and prescribe her some medication accordingly and maybe ill see an improvement. If anybody else has any input, please share. Im open minded to anything.
written by Anonymous411, 10 August, 2012
I do believe he loves me, but my CL has to be relieved that he no longer has to be with someone he has to constantly lie to. I wonder if he feels free now? Possibly he will meet someone else he doesn’t have to have a disfunctional relationship with
written by HereforYOU, 06 September, 2012
The answer to "how to help a liar" is obvious if you can look past the outcome of the lie itself. For the most part, liars lie for their own benefit. We, as Human Beings, lie to gain, deceive, or protect ourselves. It’s human nature, and that’s the problem. With habitual liars, you will never be able to overcome this. Accepting them as liars doesn’t help either. The problem with a liar is their only concern is themselves, even those of us that admit to the lie do so woefully and in fear. As a liar myself I’ve found a way to fix my problem... I stopped thinking about myself, I started thinking how I was affecting others. If I lied or hid something from someone and got caught, I admitted fault right there. I purposely embarrassed myself, I intentionally made it so I would feel ashamed, and regret the way I acted. This won’t work for everyone mind you, but if you can bring yourself to face the fear that created the lie and embrace that bad feeling you’ve been avoiding, you might find that life is brighter than you thought. I never went to therapy for my problem, I think therapists are just salesmen who take your money and waste your time. Some may be good, but I don’t trust someone who has control over the amount of time taken to fix a problem. Once money gets involved people’s motives change. I did this on my own folks, and you can too.... just make the choice. Continue to lie and hurt the ones you love, or confront your fears and change your entire life. As soon as i changed the way I react and think about things my whole life became better. It takes courage to face your fears, we all think we’re strong and invincible, but we’re not. Once I accepted the fact I am destined to die, I lost my fear. It went away, and I was able to accomplish so much! Lying is developed through fear. You fear being embarrassed, punished, or hurt. Let go of your fears and you let go of the need to lie. I hope I helped someone out, good luck to you all!
written by Raem, 02 December, 2012
Talk limited with them and Dont ask them any questions...simple
written by grateful reader, 07 December, 2012
I went on a date with a guy I’ve liked for quite a while recently and straight away I became suspicious of his far fetched stories. After a quick bit of research I realised that at least 3-4 things that he told me were a dangerous mix of partial truth and exaggeration. After talking to a friend about it I ended up here, reading all the stories and comments, and realised that I myself am a compulsive liar (which is probabaly why I was able to identify another so quickly).

The crazy thing is I hadn’t even realised. There have been a few times where I have acknowledged the lying to myself but it seems I hardly even noticed and small lies (and a few big ones) have become second nature. Sometimes I lie because I’m ashamed of the truth, sometimes to shift blame and get myself out of trouble, sometimes because I want to make myself seem more funny and interesting and sometimes because I think I’m protecting other people by lying (which of course is rubbish).

As an adult I haven’t been confronted about the lying. As a child I was a few times but it seems that just made me better at getting away with future lies. It appears that none of my friends or family are aware of the complete situation, which I’m relieved about but that also makes me want to stop before it gets out of control.

I plan on confronting the guy I went on a date with and giving him the opportunity to come clean. If he does then I’m happy to see him again. From the experiences here though it looks like that’s unlikely to happen which is a shame because apart from the lies he seems like a caring, funny and thoughtful person. If he denies it/gets defensive I’ll cut all ties. I could see how two people who both lie compulsively would quickly become toxic together.

I wanted to thank all the people who have shared their experiences here, you’ve helped me see that I have a problem and that I really do want to stop the lying. Even while writing this I’ve had to stop myself exaggerating a few times so I can see this is going to be a long and difficult process! Thank you all for helping me take my first step.
written by unknown, 29 December, 2012
In 23 years old. I’ve lost just about everyone in my life due to my lies. In an alcoholic, recovering drug addict. That is no excuse. I just want to be honest. I love my boyfriend so much and i know In looking him. I LIE ABOUT my past in ashamed, i LIE to impress I suppose. I DON’T just make things up like stories unless In trying to over myself up which is really taking a toll on me. I’ve become suicidal because I feel hopeless. If ago could just stop......by give told so many lies I don’t know where yo start. I drink to escape my mouth. Help?

written by Durdsy, 31 January, 2013
Hey guys, I too am a compulsive liar.
It’s not just one most important person to me that I’ve lied to, it was her parents and family too.
I have been lying to my girlfriend since day one, messaging girls behind her back and denying it like it was nothing...but that’s just the start.
I lied to her about something much, much greater than that...I lied to her for 6 months about my job and money. I even cried to her over the phone about it.

Straight to her face, looking at her in the eyes, I lied. Problem is, once I dug myself into that hole, I kept on digging deeper and deeper until I couldn’t go any further and told her everything.
She had already known the whole time but wanted to hear it straight from my mouth. Once I told her, to my surprise, she had stuck around and still is around to this day.
I want to get better because I have promised to get myself fixed up and be the person that I should be.
I have broken promises before, but this is ONE promise that I do not want to break.

I just don’t know how to go about it or what to do to stop.
Please, help me! smilies/cry.gif
written by horrified, 01 February, 2013
I have lied for years. The big ones started at around 15 I suppose. I actually have lied about having cancer 2 and have said two people have died in my family on 2 separate occasions.

EACH and EVERY time I have been caught and my life was over. This statement in no way is an exaggeration. I have lost friends,jobs, kicked out of a cadet program which was my whole world and lost the CO who i thought of as another mother.
I noticed a few people asked how the CL feels when caught. When I was confronted i felt TERRIFIED. I felt guilty, disgusting and total heartbreak KNOWING I was about to lose everything important to me. I feeling of being trapped takes over and all you want to do it run. When I was younger that is what I would do even if that meant moving across the country. Being older when confronted I am upfront and try to tell/show them how very sorry I am. In each and every case it does not matter that I am sorry I still lose everything (and I realize I deserve it.)
I also suffer from deep depression (some I believe I was born with most because of how my life has been destroyed by my actions over and over)anyway I now make it a point not to build relationships of any kind because I cant put anyone else through what I have done to others in the past. i TRY really hard to not lie now and especially about huge things like deaths and whatnot.
There are a few things I would like to make clear though. I have NEVER lied about someone else, I do not lie to get myself out of trouble, I do not lie about drugs, cheating, stealing or anything of that nature. It seems that my lies are to gain attention but if so... I do not realize that is what I am doing. I am not sure why I am the way I am but each and every day I feel the destruction I have left in my wake and the pain, sorrow and horrow i FEEL every day because of these lies. It has taken me YEARS to get to the point where I am starting to realize I may am not a monster, which I have been called by people who I loved. Every day i deal with this and HATE myself for it so please do not think we go around laughing about what we got away with, or believing every body with this sort of problem are just a bunch of cheaters, or people who just always need to have their own way. I KNOW that my lies have had more impact and devastation on my life than on those I have lied to because once again I never lied about them or anything that was relevant at all. They just have this memory of a girl who ended up being a liar with some crazy story.
If I could go back and tell each person I am sorry I would (and have with ones that have happened as an adult) I would do it in a minute. I do realize that through my actions I may have changed how they interact and trust others and that makes me hate myself. I know I am rambling but I just... please have some understanding and kindness for those like myself. If we say and act like we LOVE you well... its true. The love I feel and have returned to me is what I live for, it soothes my soul but because of my behavior I avoid human contact so I don’t hurt anyone else. I am so sick of hurting others and refuse to put myself or anyone else through that again.
I still tell small lies here and there ( Like I saw two mice when I only saw one) but no big lies to anyone in 4 yrs (that’s including to people I have met online) I am hoping that I will be able to learn how to control all lying at some point and possibly begin rebuilding my life and finding love.
written by Help please. Confused, 02 February, 2013
I have been with my girlfriend for a year now and I always questioned her because of her looks I constantly worried she could just meet anyone and leave me. I have really gotten better with the trust and insecurities but in the past my insecurities were so bad and Id say such hurtful things to her and accuse her of everything that is has put our relationship on thin ice. When I first met her she had just gotten a dui, didn’t have a job, couldn’t do school at the time and had no car anymore. She was still very positive and awesome but over the year of nothing in her life changing and me pushing my insecurities on her have created so many problems to the point where she cant let go of the bad things and wont look at the truly amazing times we had together. Ive done an incredible amount of things for her and love her so much. She has had a horrid childhood and things happen to her I cannot explain on here. When I first met her I had friends saying yea shes awesome but lies alot but I didn’t think anything of it. She is one to always talk about how much she hates liars and what not. Ive recently discovered the little lies so far. The other day i said oh i saw you have a new facebook again, that’s cool cause its good for you to be social. She lied and said she didn’t have one even though my sister had messaged her on it and when i said that she said it was her old one, which it isn’t. Then she told me she hasn’t smoked pot at all for almost a month and that when she hung out with my buddy he offered it but she didn’t smoke. He just told me yesterday she did smoke and he even gave her some to take home. Then i noticed she took our one year picture off of instagram and a picture of her kid and I but left up all the other ones of us. I asked her why she did that and she denied it and said she doesn’t use instagram cause it never works and deletes pictures sometimes. 20 minutes later she uploaded a pic on instagram. I know she lies now. She broke down on me the other day saying she wants to die and hates her life cause nothing is changing and she cant fix it. I recently moved to Nevada from California to work in the gold mines to make alot of money and have been gone for only 2 weeks and i am able to come home 7 days a month in a row. She cried all night when I left and told me sorry for everything and she loves me and that we are gonna make it through this. We talk on the phone everyday for hours and she sounds very sad with her life, I helped her with everything when I was out there and now its all up to her and herself. She still has no job no car no school no money and a 5 year old she loves and is trying to take care of. She give off that she doesn’t care all the time but when I left she was so sad and said she cried herself to sleep. But now she acts what ever and hardly shows any love and said she doesn’t feel how she used to. Shes always in and out of being sad to happy. We are still together and have plans to go to the San Diego zoo with her and her child when I get back this month. I love her so much but what should I make of all this? it is hurting me so bad. Is she just beyond mentally unstable? Please help.

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