A book by a founder of this site.
My husband won’t admit to lying
My husband is a liar. I don’t know if he is a pathological liar or a compulsive liar, but he lies a lot.
He makes up elaborate stories, he lies about small insignificant things even when the truth would be just fine, and he lies about important things that he wants to cover up.
He is deceptive and the concept of keeping his word is completely beyond him. He is a master at spinning a story and shifting blame. For many instances he has had no choice but to admit what he has done—when he has been completely caught. But, to call him a liar infuriates him and he denies being a liar.
Compulsive lying is like another other addictive behavior—it provides relief, escape and comfort to the individual involved (see compulsive lying).
And while no one likes to have their deceptive behavior pointed out (see pointing out the truth), for a compulsive liar hearing the truth can be even more upsetting.
All addictions are based on denial—denying the problem is necessary in order to continue with the additive behavior. Have you ever tried to tell an alcoholic that they have a drinking problem? Or a compulsive liar that they have a problem with lying? The reaction is very predictable—deny the problem and punish the person raising the issue (e.g., a verbal attack, intimidating nonverbal behavior, displays of hostility, etc). People with addictions often punish the person raising the issue so that it won’t be raised again in the future (see a partner’s reaction).
Our best advice is to consistently try to expose your husband’s deceptive behavior (see confronting a compulsive liar). It is important to try to make your husband aware of his behavior and break him of his habit. And counseling is almost always required.
Hope this helps you understand why your husband won’t acknowledge this deceptive behavior—addicts are typically the last to acknowledge the problem at hand.
I have my own question to ask
Truth About Deception – back to our home page.