My lies have destroyed my relationship

I have a major problem lying. Not just to my friends and co-workers, but to my family and to my husband. I chose to have emotional relationships with men at my work against my husband’s wishes, and did so for months. I talked on the cell phone for long periods of time every day and sent text messages constantly. I went to lunches and used a credit card when I knew we didn’t have money, and always pretended everything was fine.

I have a high stress job, and the stress of this unfaithful lifestyle was taking its toll. This past Friday, my whole pyramid of lies came crashing down on me, and even though I hate myself for all the pain I caused, I feel a sense of relief that I’m going to be punished and get what I deserve.

I’ve lost the love and trust in my marriage, and rightfully so. My husband is willing to go to counseling to see if all these lies are something we can move past. I wouldn’t blame him if he hated me forever. I’ve turned into the very thing that I hate the most, and he deserves much better than that.

How do I even begin to deserve the chance to rebuild what I destroyed? I’m willing to own up to everything, but do I even deserve the chance?

Response:

When it comes to relationships, sometimes trust gets broken beyond repair. Depending on the severity and nature of the lies you’ve told, it may be impossible for your husband to move beyond what happened and trust you again (see consequences of lying).

And it may be in your husband’s long term best interest to end his relationship with you and start over in a new relationship where there’s not such a history of betrayal and deception. Not all relational problems can be fixed through counseling.

And while you might not be able to undo the damage done to your marriage, hopefully, you can take what you’ve learned from this situation and make the best of things to come. Unfortunately, for people who have a chronic problem with lying, it often takes the loss of everything that is important in life to learn how to relate to others more honestly (see compulsive lying).

You may have to write off the past, but hopefully you can make the most of your future.

 life shattered | my compulsive lying | save relationship | stop lying

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