Why does my boyfriend feel the need to lie
I’ve been dating a man a few years younger than I for the passed four months. He is very outgoing, loves to work, and meet new people. My friends enjoy his company, which is very rare.
Besides sex, all we seem to do is argue over the littlest things. He’ll either get upset with me for obtuse reasons or I’ll bring up something he is uncomfortable talking about which leads to the arguments.
My boyfriend compulsively lies about the most feebleminded things. Such as things he claims to have accomplished in his life and people he knew. His friends, family, and prior girlfriends know exactly how he is.
Once, I’ve actually convinced him to confess his distortion of the truth but now he denies a few of the things he confessed to. Even though he buys me things and treats me like a lady, he always feels the need to exaggerate the truth.
Why does he feel the need to lie to someone he claims to love and is there anyway to talk to him about these things without making him upset and walk away?
To begin with, compulsive lying, like any other addictive behavior, is rewarding. For compulsive liars, lying feels good; it provides sense of comfort and pleasure (see compulsive lying).
And like any other addictive behavior, addicts deny the behavior in question or that it is problematic. This lack of self-awareness, or lack of acceptance, makes it possible for the addictive behavior to continue. But your boyfriend’s inability to acknowledge the problem also makes it more difficult to resolve. Most people get defensive when you point out their lies (see pointing out the truth), but compulsive liars often become extremely defensive when the issue gets raised.
Simply stated, changing a compulsive liar is not easy and it takes tremendous time and effort (see changing a compulsive liar).
And, if all you and your boyfriend do is argue over the smallest of issues—these arguments are probably not about little things at all, but something much larger: Power, Liking and Control (see relationship dynamics).
In fact, most arguments usually involve one or more of the following issues:
- Do you genuinely like each other?
- Do you have respect for each other?
- Do you constantly fight each other for control?
If you address these issues head on, you may save you and your boyfriend from a lot of wasted time and agony. Most couples avoid dealing with these issues but they rarely go away on their own.
Finally, there is often little point in confronting a compulsive liar.
If someone is in denial about an issue, trying to point it out often leaves both parties feeling upset and frustrated.
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