Cheater's Paradox

You are convinced that your other is cheating on you. Your other will only come clean as far as the evidence reveals.

If you have no evidence, you can do anything you want until you are blue in the face, no amount of confrontation (possibly barring psychosis) will make them say, "Well since you asked so nice, Yes, I am cheating on you." or "If I tell you the truth will you stop asking already?!" The answer will always be, "No, and I am offended that you would even think that" (or some variation thereof. Which is why so many posts tell you not to confront them until you have evidence. After that initial conversation, the walls go up and smoke and mirrors become more plentiful with each unsupported inquiry.

Let's say you get a little info that you may call evidence: Some phone records or a lunch/coffee date. Well, what does Cheater's Paradox say? "You caught me talking to someone? He/she is just a friend."

Let's say you come across e-mails or texts saying some pretty funky stuff. "You read some of my e-mails? They were just joking/psycho/trying to get me into hot water (fill in the blank)." or "You read e-mails that I wrote? We were just joking around, being stupid".

Let's say you walk in on your wife watching porn and getting a back-massage from her male co-worker while in her pyjamas and you weren't suppose to be home that night. "That's all you saw? Nothing happened and nothing was going to happen." (Scenario taken from my own happy story).

Let's say you manage to come across the BIG ONE. "It didn't mean anything. It was only the one time." Why? Because Cheater's Paradox says that you only know about the one time so that is all that exists.

Anybody else want to add their own favorite/least favorite Cheater's Paradox, I would like to know.

What's the point? The point is that at some stage you come to a realization that they are being dishonest/deceptive and you can't live with that breech of trust? I didn't have to find out whether it was all true or gather all the evidence for me to say, "I can't trust this person enough to make this work." Find your stage and let go if you are past it.

Without Cheater's Paradox we would get responses like:

  • "You saw me flirting with your best friend? Oh, that's because I'm having sex with her 4 or 5 times a week."