Past Comments – Why Women Cheat

written by ukpm, 28 November, 2011

Most men can accept the truth, as that’s why most tell their wives they have cheated and have made a error and want to mend there relationship as they know their true life partner is their wife. Why can’t women tell the truth? Because it’s over with, the end is near and they’re looking for Mr rich again.

written by Ice, 11 December, 2011

i cheated on my boyfriends but never cheated on my husband. My boyfriends are wild and seem to me to be the type to cheat. I refuse to put my eggs in one basket. Men are more likely to do it. I am very good looking, sexy, and I have a good job. I am very intelligent also. My boyfriends cheat with low level hood creatures. Why? I am easygoing and pretty much what most men want. I become bored with men because if they only think with their man parts I want one who doesn’t. The search continues....

written by E. Walker, 21 December, 2011

I cheated on my boyfriend but he wants us to stay together but how do I deal with his STILL not trusting? He’s constantly bringing up the past, makes comments to everything I say, & still insists on reminding me of what I did wrong...how do I deal? I’m truly ready to let this relationship go because I feel he’s never going to let the past stay in the past.

written by Caterina V, 30 December, 2011

It is the time and patience that can fix the situation. To destroy the trust it is easy but to rebuild it back it takes a lot. You have to prove to be loyal by being patient and wise. It is a very difficult task as much as difficult as rebuilding the house after the fire. Therefore you must also understand what type of man he is. Some of the men they could never forgive due to their ego or other issues even though they try hard. After years that kind of man can revenge you back.
"what has happened once can be forgiven and never will repeated again but what has happened twice will defiantly repeats again and again"
Therefore to prove your loyalty to your partner you must think about properly before starting to rebuild your new relationships. When you both achieve to be loyal to each other it will be strong relationships and you are both will love each other more hence you have being through very difficult test.
Good luck and a Happy New Year to you all
-x-

written by Bmaxi, 05 January, 2012

Recently on a nite out with friends I kissed an old friend. I am engaged to my partner and have been in a relationship with him for 8 yrs. The friend that I kissed is married and he made the first move. I’m wrecked with guilt about this and don’t know whether to tell my partner or not. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

written by balises, 13 January, 2012

@Bmaxi
I too have cheated on my husband. What’s strange is he is wonderful and we have a great relationship both sexually and emotionally. The man I cheated with meant nothing, purely physical. I debated on telling my husband, being honest (which I totally agree with btw, in just about all cases. This being one, where I don’t think honesty is the best policy). Reason being, not because I don’t think I should be honest, not because I don’t think I deserve to suffer the humiliation of knowing what I did to him, how I betrayed him, because I totally do. If I am truly honest with myself, I have to admit that I would only be telling him to relieve my self of the guilt. So we can either work it out or move on. Is it really fair to him? Why should I break his heart, why should I make him suffer the humiliation of everyone knowing, and him feeling that he was made a fool of. I don’t think I should. You know that old saying "What he doesn’t know, won’t hurt him" is actually true, in my opinion. Don’t get me wrong, I am not condoning what I did, it was truly horrible, selfish, disrespectful, and I am the biggest coward. I do truly feel guilty, and I am truly sorry for what I have done. The punishment I will suffer is always knowing what I did. But I will never ever tell him, because I will not break his heart. Sorry for the long post, also this is just my opinion, you have to do what you feel is right for your relationship. You mentioned that you kissed an old friend. Cheating is cheating, I under stand this, however kissing someone vs. having sex with someone, I feel that kissing is not as serious, certainly not worth risking an 8 year relationship just to make yourself feel better. At least you realize that you made a mistake, and I think that people that realize the error of their ways, usually feel guilty enough to not do it again. Again, just my opinion. Good Luck to you.

written by feelLost, 30 January, 2012

I made the biggest mistake of my life. I am so torn with guilt. I feel like it is a true skeleton in the closet. Although we weren’t married, and were just dating I still know its wrong and I don’t know what to do. Whats worse is that it happened a long time ago but still kills me. We were dating 4 months and I had a trip to take for a friends wedding and he didn’t come with me which I was a little thrown off/upset about. Our communication skills back then weren’t strong and we had a stupid argument over text and he wouldn’t answer the phone after. I was angry and decided to go out. Too many disgusting drinks and I ended up doing something I barely remember (cheat). The next day I had such an anxiety attack I almost couldn’t board the plane. I cried for days and months. My friends advised me not to say anything since it was clearly a mistake and would just harm the relationship. I feel I was a coward for not telling him but I knew I would lose him because we were still new. Now, 2 yrs later we are in a good place. And I have really changed- not like I was a cheating fool, but I had a lot to work on for myself- self confidence, esteem, and self control. I try to better myself each day and be kind to all people around me. However this secret still upsets me. The bad part is how a few friends know, I get nervous it will come out. And if I tell him do I say people knew? he will feel betrayed by them too. I just don;t want to cause him pain- @ all... or lose trust- because I know I would Never again. I just don’t know if he ends up proposing if I should tell him before we move forward. or leave it alone.....this is long, and I truly appreciate any responses...! Thank you.

written by gossy, 06 February, 2012

Don’t tell him

written by :(, 06 February, 2012

I cheated on my bf before right after i got into a relationship with him... The guy i cheated with was a friend of mine from school. We got close and hung out for a few mths resulting in us sleeping together. My bf found out few mths later. He forgave me after and i promised him that i wasn’t gonna hurt him like that anymore. My bf’s job requires him to travel a lot and we are in a long distance relationship... but we both make the effort to communicate daily and he flies back here to see me whenever he gets the chance to... and he is a great guy and i wanted to be with him always... but two months ago, after being together for a year and it has been a year since the first cheating happened... we moved on from it like it never happened before... He was away at work... and i told him i was gonna wait till he return and from there we will finally decide how we can be together in one place. I went out one night and bumped into one of my ex flings i had before i got with my bf... and things got out of hand. I cheated on him again... and i couldn’t bring myself to tell him afraid of losing him... and thinking that i will not get caught and just let it pass... Being very selfish of me to do so... When he came back 2 months ago... He found out about it thru an conversation i had with a friend... He got really heartbroken... I didn’t know what to say or do as i knew i screwed up again... He said he still loves me a lot till now... We are still very close though we are not together due to trust issues... I really want to change myself for me and for him... I am not sure if he will ever risk his heart with me again... but i still love him a lot and i can never meet someone like him....

written by TrustToRebuild, 07 February, 2012

The trust issue is not that simple to fix (as you know already). What you need to do is to see how exactly does it happen that you have cheated twice... the old friend, being out... those should become an alert for you. Your friends needs something more then the words now. He needs to see how exactly will be be able to prevent such thing from happening in the future.

written by 101er, 20 February, 2012

@ feelLost

I can imagine the what-if outcomes a situation like this might impose on a person’s mind. Revealing a secret you’re not proud of is no easy task. It’s even more difficult when trying to do the right thing may lead to an outcome you may not want or fear. Concealing something that you feel extremely guilty about will most likely begin to manifest itself into the environment creating conflict between yourself and your partner. The greastest act of love is a selfless act. Whether or not that love is reciprocated is not up to you, nor within your control. The right path can be hard to find once a person deviates from that path. The guilt and fear will be lifted from your shoulders if you choose to be honest. Or you could run the risk of hurting them much more severely if the truth happened to come upon your partner from a third party. A bad secret can eat you alive if you continue to avoid it. It can effect your emotion well-being, work, social relationships...pretty much your entire life. Unless you’re a cold hearted individual, but judging by your post, that’s not the case. Remaining dishonest with the one(s) you love will follow you to the grave. The truth will set you free.

written by feelLost, 24 February, 2012

@ 101er.. thanks for your advice. I feel SO SO terrible. It will be 2 years ago this July... how will I tell him? He is going to hate me. And I am terrible with guilt, I kill myself with it, and I don;t know if I will ever feel good enough for him, or if he will even want to be with me still. I do truly love him and if telling him is the best option I suppose I should. But its so much later...this is so wrong. I wish I told him earlier, I wish it just never happened. I don’t want to hurt him. Is it selfish to tell him? How should I go about this. I only want to do whats right

written by Sinnamon, 25 February, 2012

Don’t tell him. It’s your fault so you should be the one to feel like shit. Sorry, but its not his burden to carry. Men don’t forgive women when they cheat. It will only f things up worse. U grew up right? Just learn from your mistake. We all have lessons to learn.

written by the truth may hurt, but its better than a lie, 26 February, 2012

Just tell the truth, I have made to many mistakes lying about what happened, when knowing he would only find out later... I cheated, I hurt him and I lie, causing him more pain, the guilt with him not knowing killed me, and I wish I wouldn’t have done it any of it...and I wish that I would have told him when it happened or was going to happen, but instead i was selfish, I was unfaithful, dishonest, even when he gave me opportunities to tell the truth I still lied, until the truth came out, he is intelligent, he has never cheated, he doesn’t lie really... he is caring, the only person who has ever really been here for my daughter and I, giving me all he has, and I ripped out his heart with my lies and unfaithfulness. Be honest with your partners, its not worth it to be selfish and afraid to lose someone when you hurt them, you cheated, you lied, your keeping it from them... I know because I did it, and I will regret it for the rest of my life. My boyfriend still wants to be with me even after I cheated and I lied continuously, he has a big heart, he said its not the fact that I cheated, its the fact that i lied about it...thats what gets me every time... I wonder if i had just told the truth when it happened the first time... if I had just been honest maybe he wouldn’t bring up my past, maybe he would be able to forgive me easier...now I have to live with the consequences...him not trusting me... wondering if it will ever be the same... if he will ever be the same... i hurt him more than anyone could ever have...and it kills me to think that I could have been so heartless, so dishonest, I look in the mirror everyday and think to myself I don’t deserve this man... and I don’t...and when you do tell him you will still feel like shit probably even worse than you do now. don’t be selfish and keep it from him, just let it out, I should have learned the first time....second time... we can’t keep wishing...only move forward and not repeat what we have done... I am lucky...

written by Sheesh, 01 March, 2012

Stop what you’re doing. Forget it ever happened, and don’t ever do it again. Affairs will always end in tragedy for everyone involved. Truly.

Should you tell him? No.

Get yourself checked. If you don’t have VD, leave it be. Believe me, he REALLY doesn’t want or need to know what you did.

written by diga, 05 March, 2012

Don’t tell at all. A little bit of adventure will heard no body. Believe me, one way or another he will cheat too, then u just even. Its human to fail.

written by TexasHog, 09 March, 2012

I wish my wife had never told me.

written by enad, 12 March, 2012

Here’s a guys perspective. I had a cheating girlfriend experience a number of years ago. At the time, I made the decision to get beyond the trauma and make it work. I bookmarked it as a bad experience and moved on. I thought people make mistakes and deserve a 2nd chance. It worked out great and I’m glad I made that choice. Recently however, I began experiencing a repressed memory of that experience in my sleep or subconscious, because it would wake me up. I didn’t think anything of it, because I would get some work done at night. And during the day I felt I could manage and rationalize whatever triggered it. I kept it to myself and accelerated and stepped up my worked outs. It kept waking me up for months and even though I tried to place a less damaging spin on it and reassured myself I was “over it”, I’ve concluded that it must still really bother me. I suppose my suggestion to the women who don’t value the relationship they are in and choose a one-time partner and proceed to disclose this information to their husband or boyfriend, it will be damaging even though he acts somewhat stoic. It will reside somewhere in his subconscious privately and potentially pair up with other events that trigger low self esteem throughout his life. Find another partner, start fresh and be faithful. Life is tough enough as it is.

written by torn_apart2012, 16 March, 2012

My wife of almost 3 years just recently admitted to cheating on me about 8 weeks ago. She told me the day she took a pregnancy test and it came back positive. I an unable to have children myself ans she did not think she could either.

We have been going through a rough period of time just before Christmas and then after Christmas things seemed to be getting better but Iguess Iwas wrong, mid january she cheated on me and slept with another man. And got pregnant after this incidentthings between us began to spiral down hill and she became distant and very bitter with me. If I tried to talk about us, I would constantly feel like Iwas in the wrong and that I was doing something wrong because talking to her about it would simply make her feel bad she said. So I would shower her with sweetness and love and lots of little things but they would basically go un noticed. Fast forward almost 2 months, she finds out she is pregnant and tells me what happened, cries out it was only once, only once. Now my problem is my wife is extremely shy, still with me even after 3 years married, sex during the day with lights on is almost always a NO. Taking her clogthes of with the light on is almost impossible. So how could she sleep with a guy she has only met once and he gave her his phone number at a bar (which the friend she was with at all times at the bar said no one gave her a number). I have my suspicions she has been about 90% honest. Because she has a male friend she hangs ou with very often and they are very close he is about 10 yrs younger than her and met at work. I have always been a little jealous of their closeness but not to the point where it makes me angry. I believe my wife when she says she is sorry and she wants to be with me, and it will never happen again. But when Imentioned to her that I don’t believe what she is saying about who it was with and that she does not remember when it happened and why it happened, all she says is "Nice". I am not the once who as dishonest and cheated; I feel I deserve the full truth no matter who; what, where and when. I feel in my heart it was her male friend and when Imentioned it she became almost enraged. And Imentioned that because the vague story she told me about who seemed to convenient and fake.

I love my wife and still feel and see a future with her. But how can Imove on completly if Ifeel she is leaving things out only to remain friends with this guy. She swears that he knows nothing about our rough times nor that she was pregnant. But when he came around she did everything to hide it from him and pretend that everything was fine.

Sorry if Iam rambling but this has been a tough ordeal. I want to move on with my life, with my wife side by side.

Comments, questions, any suggestions are greatly appreciated!

written by MR, 17 March, 2012

My husband & I have been together for over 10 years....we’ve been legally married for 1year. Go figure! I knew from the gate that he is not the most romantic guy. However he would make an effort every now and then. Now he has totally changed....yet it’s mu fault...yeah ok. I have not cheated yet........believe me I could of years ago up to the current. We have NO emotional connection at all. I think I have married the most clueless guy on the earth! I have met a guy...online....we spoke online for about 2 months. This guy has been supportive, he listens, he makes me feel as though I’m the best woman ever. He him self is in the process of divorce. We vent to 1another. Our situations are damn near identical. Finally I gave him my number. The 1st time we spoke....it was almost like breathing fresh air. When we have to hang up.....I long to hear his soothing voice. I swear I can feel the concern, the kindness in his voice. He sends me messages just to let me know he’s thinking of me. The conversations we have....I could never have with my husband. If I try........I get...what’s wrong now. We haven’t had sex in 5 months. I pleasure him. And I HATE it. No emotion, no kindness nothing. Yet my husband seems to think our marriage is good. I have yet to arrange to meet my new male friend in person. I’m afraid if I do......there’s gonna be a lot more to this story.

written by torn_apart2012, 20 March, 2012

If you love your husband then work on your marriage be open and honest about how u feel. If he asks what’s wrong tell him. If you don’t and feel there is no hope in your heart, end it. Now. Save the hurt and emotional embarrassment.

written by jj0192837465, 20 March, 2012

I’m a guy and was "fast" before I was married but knew I just had to get it out of my system,,, so I did that with fervor. Now when I met my current wife, it was under those exact pretenses but she was similar to me,,, good person being wild for now. I made it clear that if I got married I was settling down, and pretty much expected the same from her,, no less than 100% with kids and all, regardless of our past; water under the bridge. Since marriage I have bean approached more than several times and have pleasantly declined because I was putting all my eggs in my marriage basket. The wife and I had typical marriage pains with getting to know each other and I guess I really was not perplexed that this was happening and I guess it all seemed so predictable that I felt the young marriage was just developing and this was just the way it really goes for better or worse. My wife I am sure cheated with a close family friend,, more like her closer guy friend,, during the first year of our marriage under the "we were having so much problems and he was just so supportive" yada yada yada BS. Whatever,,, I was bitter after that for a long time like 5-6yrs and whenever we had a big meltdown argument, I often wound the argument back to that moment. Well, she had enough and basically called me out on it and gave me an ultimatum and I chose to "let it go already". Yes this was for very good for me too. What a distraction. I have now been getting a "little itchy" in the past two years and I want to cheat. My wife is drying up the sex hole with her predictable human nature,, as in this is the way women do. Oh, she is getting shorter tempered and meaner with the tongue and way more bold and blunt with disrespect to me. I’m no angel with interpersonal relationship but not as big an a-hole she says I am. I don’t think she is cheating now,,, just way to settled now that she got "hers" out of the way. She needs to watch it because I can definitely shape up quickly physically and turn some heads easily. I know I want to do it,, I’m just scared. I would never tell her that I did just like I know she will never tell me her stuff. So no loss. And screw the honesty bs,,, every one lies about things,, mostly bills and that’s the gateway to making the bigger lies easier and oh she has done that with A++’s. I don’t think we have trust issues as we live normally with as normal a communication as the next couple we see. I think probably even better. BLUF, I’m getting the 17yr itch and my wife is making the grass on the others side look like sooooo much fun, AND I know I will get away with it, guilt(?) and all. I’m a soldier so guilt is easily suppressed unless I through kids into the equation.. So I continue to read about the spouses that felt so guilty and told their other,,, oofta,, I’m glad I didn’t cheat with my neighbor lady to occupants ago,, according to what you all say, she is expected to come over with this incredible grief and just plain out tell her descent husband that she "did-it" with me,, holy-crap. That’s why you can’t just cheat with anyone. People are dumb but at least "they-got-theres" and here I am high and mighty but horny as hell... torture,,, just torture lol... good luck to all of you,,, and for the record, I agree with not cheating

written by Lauren2525, 21 March, 2012

Hey there guys. Kind of a sad bunch of people around here

I’ve been dating my bf for 19 months now and we have a fairly great relationship. Granted the bedroom life isn’t as exhilarating as it once was, we seriously love each other.
I unfortunately have been also been in a friendship/romantic relationship with a friend of mine for 6 years, always only texting, although the texting is not innocent.
My boyfriend, just last night saw some of them, and I guess I just would like to talk to some people who have been through similar situations to know how to proceed next.
I realize now that all I want is to keep my boyfriend and am willing to do whatever it takes.

Any suggestions or comforting words, please.

written by dom911, 23 March, 2012

I’ve been married to my husband for a year now. we dated about a year and half before we got married though. when we first started dating it was a crazy roller-coaster. He was completely in love with me and i took advantage of his love and insecurities. i wasn’t ready to deal with someone who was so damaged being damaged myself. i had a 2yr old son and he was a returning army combat veteran. he was the perfect guy and we got along great having so many similarities. however he was really self-conscious and depressed and suffering from ptsd and other mental things i just didnt understand what he was coming from and eventually got fed up with it all. i started going out more with my girlfriends and ignoring me. i cheated, which was something i promised i would never do to him. this lasted for a span of 2 or 3 months where we were at complete rock bottom. i have no idea why i did, between drinking and being in love but not allowing myself to love him. it was probably one of the hardest times of my life. i kept this from him until almost two months ago. we have a son who is nine months and are married. he always bothered me telling me he knows and that i need to tell him. i always said your crazy leave me alone i never did that. finally one night i just confessed it to him. i dont know what feels worse keeping it or telling him. watching him fall apart before my eyes is one of the hardest things ive ever dealt with and its all because of me and mistakes. every day he brings it up and either gets mad or cries. telling me i married him under false pretenses and had trapped him by getting pregnant. i have been working on myself for over a year and half ever since we decided to have a baby i have not remotely done anything wrong to him. i know in my heart i will never hurt him again. but he just wont believe me. he was gone for over nine months and not once did i even talk to a guy. but ever since he found out it has been so hard and he doesnt think i love him. i have no idea what to do. i cant be without him and i know he still loves me. but he is tortured with my cheating. and to make matters worse we just found out that im a month pregnant. what do i do?????

written by rosieeeeee, 04 April, 2012

i feel like cheating on my boyfriend just to get payback. I’m still thinking If I should do it or not. I feel pain knowing that he cheated on me with his ex and some one else while we lived together. I have too much evidence I confronted him but of course men deny and deny. I’ve never cheated before and yes I still love him I try to forgive and forget but I can’t

written by Sue W – Bronx, NY 4-18-2012, 18 April, 2012

my relationship of almost 2 years is in a limbo. My boyfriend is a perfect guy, a great father to his children (from previous marriage) and a good father to my 4 yr old daughter (from previous marriage). Our children have grown to love one another and his boys totally love me. I will say since last year I would have to ask constantly for my bf to be intimate with me. It is April 2012 now and we have sex 3-4 times a month (we don’t live together, but Im always at his place), I have also asked why during out time he has never made love to me; he replied that "when the time is right then he would do it", I just can’t grasp that because he says he loves me so much and that I am the one. What was I supposed to do? I couldn’t think of his cheating to not be interested in me, because he was always home, at school and work. Then I started thinking perhaps it is me he’s not interested, my physical appearance and etc. At the beginning of the year I bumped into a friend I hadn’t seen in years and we exchanged numbers, this other friend knew I was in a relationship. He just asked to go out for drinks, I never did and declined all of this invites. My bf and I have been arguing lately and one day impulsively I texted my friend and we both mentioned that during the years of our friendship we had the hots for one another. I never kissed nor had sex, not even in company of him in a close environment was made. My bf saw my texts and now our relationship is on a string. Don’t know what to do. I know that I was planning to meet with the friend and perhaps do it, but I am too chicken to have gone all the way. The bible says mentally cheating is cheating. Now we are going to couples counseling to see if we can work it out.
Sorry for the long post. Please advice. there are 3 kids that are suffering.

written by vizzle, 19 April, 2012

To lauren 2525. I’m in somewhat of the same situation as your boyfriend. My wife was texting another man. The text were nothing sexual...but they were flirting. But now matter what the fact still remains she was looking for something by talking to this man. I have realized that there are some things I need to do better also so she can look to me for satisfaction...weather its emotional or physical. Even though she hasn’t crossed the line with this man it doesn’t make it any easier for me to handle the situation. Just assure your boyfriend you love him and don’t do anything that could ruin your relationship...just because it seems innocent doesn’t mean it won’t hurt your boyfriend.

written by Spintz, 20 April, 2012

To E. Walker...next time don’t cheat, Tramp.

written by joebroni, 23 April, 2012

honestly is the best policy... and all of you people (men and women) who aren’t honest period make the world suck. thanks again.

written by ReadyToGo, 07 May, 2012

I’d been married to my husband for almost 2 years and things have always been rocky from the beginning. (It had to do with the in-laws, finances and other factors.) We have a kid who will turn 2 this year so yeah, do your math. Anyway, I’d been a faithful housewife during all this time.

But I just recently got employed and I’m falling for a co-worker who was my training buddy during the accreditation program. The typical look, stares, occassional glances and friendly text messages happen between us. At this point, I know my husband and I will be separating but I know that if I "probe" into my co-worker, this is still cheating.

I’m so overwhelmed by all of these feelings. I feel like a teenager in love again but I know I have to simmer things down with this co-worker. I am also being persuaded by the past (because my husband cheated on me when we were still dating) to cheat on my husband now.

Please help me. This is all new to me. I can’t help it because my co-worker is just so nice and very good-looking. What do I do? Should I resign?

written by The Buddhist, 09 May, 2012

I am an American man who has lived in Asia for more than a decade, and as a result I have adopted Tibetan Buddhism as my principal belief system. Reflecting on current American culture, it is increasingly clear to me: (i) many Americans are overly obsessed with sex, (ii) instead of finding inner peace through the abandonment of the ego many often feebly need external assurance they are desirable and attractive, which manifests itself in terms of affairs (i.e., lies to the people who care most about them), and (iii) many are often materialistic as opposed to leading lives of non-attachment. So it is no surprise to me there is so much deception and misery on this chat board (I logged on because a friend of mine has issues in his marriage). I do believe in Karma, and when it comes back on you it does so ten-fold. What to feel good about yourself? Give something meaningful away, such as dedicating your time to abused children. Good luck.

written by This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it , 09 May, 2012

After you cheat and deceive your loved ones, leveraging off of their inherent trust of you, what is left of your soul? What else is there to compromise in your life? As the prior poster stated, instant karma’s going to get you...

written by stymied, 22 May, 2012

I have been in a relationship for over 7 years with the woman that I truly loved and wanted to spend the rest of my life with. About three years before we met, she was dating a man who was separated from his wife. They dated during the short 3 month separation, and he went back to his wife, and according to her, she had not slept with him or anyone else for almost three years before meeting me. She said that her and him were now "best friends" and that he had been there several times for her to help her out of bad situations – like giving her enough money so she wouldn’t have to loose her home to foreclosure. The whole time I was with her, I knew about her relationship with her best friend, and also knew that about two years after her and I started seeing each other, she had another affair with him. She told me about it, and told me she regretted it, and that it was never going to happen again. Also during our broken up period, I met someone new and slept with her, so I really didn’t feel I had cause to judge her. Her and I have never lived together. Two months ago, I found pictures of her and her "best friend" together on a cruise. She had told me she was going on the cruise with her friends from work, but out of some 150 pictures, there was not a single one of any of the four friends that she said she had gone with. So I did some digging on the internet and found a few dating sites where both of them were members, and each were the other’s only contacts. I also found some password protected sites where I was able to get past the security by using direct url links to the information contained behind the passwords. The thing is, that this "best friend" has been married for over 22 years. he’s a retired marine and they have a daughter together. While doing my searches, I found out that the two of them have been meeting in secret for as long as I have known her, they have met for lunches, bike trips, museum outings, concerts, and the cruise. When I pressed her for what has been going on, she became dismissive and told me I was being an idiot because nothing was going on between her and her "best friend." She told me that she only went to him when her and I were having a fight, she used him as a shoulder to cry on. She refused to give me the guy’s last name. So I did some more digging and found it for myself, his name, address, facebook page, wife’s name, even his daughter’s name and facebook page. I sent him a long msg on FB asking him to be honest with me and tell me everything that is going on between him and my g/f. His response was to block me from viewing his account. So after spending a lot of time thinking about the situation, I decided to send his wife a letter, including one of the pictures from the cruise, telling her what has been going on for the past 10 years. I included my number in case she wanted to call. And she did. Over the next week or so, I have been in contact with the wife and the daughter (20yrs old). I have told them everything I know about secret love affair. They have thanked me over and over for giving them this information. They also told me that the husband has been a wreck and has confessed to everything...but get this, he never even knew that I existed. My g/f of 7 years has been telling me stuff about him, about her "best friend" all of these years, and telling me that she goes to him for advice when her and I are fighting, but the truth was that he didn’t even know who I was. Talk about deception. I broke it off with her the minute I found the photos. But I know that if I wouldn’t have contacted the wife, the two of them would still continue to see each other as if nothing had ever happened. So I feel good about telling the wife. And the wife, has taken all of the information that I gave her straight to the military court system. She said she’s known for a long time that he was cheating, but the military (he’s a retired marine) needed proof before they would take action. What that action will be, I have no clue, but the wife and the daughter will be taken care of. As for the secret love affair. The wife has told me that her husband has sworn that he has ended the long-term affair with my g/f. But with him kicked out of his house for the past few days, I can only imagine where he’s been he’s been sleeping. I plan to drive by her house tonight, with my camera, to see for myself. If he’s there, I’ll send the pictures to his wife.

written by scottie lassie, 05 June, 2012

I cheated on my fiance 5 days ago on a night out with a guy i work with. I had been freaking out about getting married in 5 months (been together 3 years). The irony is after tasting the grass on the other side i immediately knew it was definitely not greener and all i wanted was to have a long happy relationship with my partner. I told him the morning after it happened, i felt it should be his choice to decide whether to be with someone who had done this to him and not mine by never telling him. he went mental then cried and then i cried and then he said he wanted to work on our relationship and try to fix things. All i want is to be in his arms and heart forever, i made a mistake and i am willing to do anything to make up for it. He told me we draw a line under it and do not mention it otherwise it will always be there. he is an amazing man and he truly loves me. i cannot wait to be with him for the rest of my life. My advice to those on here who have done what i have, if you truly want to move on in your relationship you have to be honest, your relationship will only falter in the end because these things never go away whether its the guilt within or the fear of someone else telling your partner. If you dont have any guilt then maybe you shouldnt be with that person anyway. I hope things work out for all of you as it has for me. xx

written by rkenkgrkjenk, 07 June, 2012

If you cheat tell the truth, any bullshit excuse you come up with like " oh I diverse to feel bad" or "I want to spare him" fuck you. I hear people make those shitty excuses all the time. You just don’t want to face the reality that he/she might just leave your ass and find someone who wont resort to infidelity just because they got turned on. If you cheat, own up to it. That’s the only way you can begin to redeem yourself, otherwise your lying to someone you made a huge commitment too and your only going to cause a shitstorm for your family.

written by Polo, 10 June, 2012

I am a man and i don’t think with what’s in between my legs
and if you have cheated on someone if you want to be with them you should tell them and if you don’t tell them you are doing two selfish things and also your relationship is fake because relationship are made of trust and loyalty and if you don’t have that there is no relationship and if you don’t want to be with them you end the relationship.and also if you can’t be trustworthy then what is your use in the world because everything is built on trust.and also your standing in the way of finding someone that they can trust and be loyal to them.

And if am in a relationship I think of people outside the relationship as just people I talk to male or female
and also I don’t think no man or women should have a person of the opposite sex that you text or call all the time that just take’s away from the relationship between you and your partner.

and the ones that say I had to much to drink that’s a poor excuse and easy thing to do is not drink that much the only time you should drink that much is with your partner

written by mature girl, 12 June, 2012

Am a woman married 11years and have known through my hubbys carelessness that he’s never been faithful. We’ve lived mostly apart mainly because of the nature of his job and in a way I accepted some of his needs had to be satisfied by anyone closer so longer as he’s protected. We’ve not had an easy relationship and the most minor issue tends to be blown up with angry words exchanged. This seem to be a continuous trend in the last 5 yrs. I am a shy person and have few but very close friends. I decided to go online to see if I could meet someone who could understand me and form a relationship based on understanding preferably with someone in a similar position to mine-married. At this point it didn’t matter whether it was a female or male I was meeting. I first met a guy whom I had a satisfying fling with and somehow it just continued with different men- about six in last 5yrs. Each has been great and ended when I wanted it to with each of us getting what we wanted out of it. I have not had the urge to confess nor do I get guilty pangs! Does this make me a tramp?? I have never been in love with any of the men and hopefully it was how they felt too. Ironically I love being married love being with my three kids but just barely stand hubby when he’s home..

Your views..?

written by 20s guy, 15 June, 2012

My perspective as a guy. I have a simple rule that I told my girlfriend: Don’t cheat on me, but if you do, be honest and tell me. After that I get to even up with my own adventure and we move on. I can forgive cheating, even up, and move on... but if you lie to me for years on end, you’re dead to me.

written by Just some guy, 20 June, 2012

I have always told my wife that if you were ever to cheat on me, please never tell me. I know my personality and I would never be able to get over it. We have children and that would only complicate things. However, I also told her that if she wanted to continue to cheat, then just ask for a divorce and we could start to work on the ensuing family issues like adults. I would rather be single and love the mother of my children than be together and hate my wife in front of them. I am not the only one who stands to be hurt and my children’s feelings are more important to me than my own.

written by Shamed N Guilt Ridden, 30 June, 2012

I came across this site to find help...There is no justification for what I have done to my husband. Yes, our marriage has had alot of ups and downs. I’ve considered looking outside the marriage before. But I never imagined that I would cheat. Lonely housewife? yeah, most definitely. But that doesn’t give me cause. I was in a dark place, lonely...scared...afraid...angry. In 9 years, we had never been apart for more than a week at a time, and he took this trucking job cause he wanted a different line of work. Do i blame him....part of me does but in truth, i blame myself. I pushed him for the job, which created the loneliness and other emotions. I became self destructive, having a threesome and another indiscretion, and being stupid I bragged. why i bragged about....i have no damn clue. and yes, i denied and denied when confronted. I felt that it was my responsibility to tell him...i’ve been working with the priest from my church. am I angry at the "friends" who tattled on me....can’t say that I am not angry, cause I truly feel that the way that they told him was not in everyone’s best interest. this should have been done in person, not over the phone while he is so far away. but that’s nothing. I denied out of shame, embarrassment, being scared, and not ready. I have hurt the only man that has been there for me thru thick and thin....who wanted me even with all the baggage I had. i can’t apologize enough for what I did to him, and I know nothing will make up for this. all I can do is pray and beg and hope that he can forgive me for my sins. i know he won’t trust me...and i deserve all the anger and hate that he has deep inside for me. i am sooooooo soooooo sorry.....i don’t deserve you

written by carlos, 09 July, 2012

My wife cheated on me and I stood by her side and she still cheated on me.

written by Tattooyou, 11 July, 2012

Never ever forgive cheating. If it was legal and there would be no repercussions, I would have exacted a bloody vengeance upon she who betrayed me. I did not. I simply divorced and moved on.

written by makeitcount, 20 July, 2012

i would never cheat on my wife. but i have thought about it time to time. believe me!! but everybody is entitled to let their imagination run wild. but as adults we make a commitment in marriage. i am sorry to sound this way, but if you cheat on your spouse you are nothing more than an asshole that hasn’t and will never understand marriage. the excuses keep going and going but if you truly cared, it wouldn’t have happen. its true we are human and make mistakes but that’s why you cant put yourself in a position where those mistakes can be made. i enjoy my life with the limits i have set for myself. do i think about going out without her and getting drunk and stupid. sure i do but i chose her over that and its my job to stand by that. no matter what she does. GROW UP OR GIVE UP PEOPLE!!!!!

written by makeitcount, 20 July, 2012

furthermore if this site is to help people who have been hurt by cheating, then why the hell is there advertising about "meet local singles in your area" i ******* hate this world we live in sometimes. i just don’t get it???????????

written by incess, 23 July, 2012

please i need advice.. i cheat my husband and i know it hurts him so much.. i don’t want to loose him because i really love him and we have 5 yr old daughter

written by trulysorry, 27 July, 2012

I recently cheated on my bf of 7 years and father of my son. Although I have not slept with anyone else or even kissed another man, I did have an internet thing where I was telling this guy things so that he would say things that I desperately needed to hear. It had been so long since I had heard any compliment from my bf and when we had sex, it wasn’t passionate and I felt it was a chore for him. I chose to chat with this guy as if we were in a relationship just to hear the things I needed. We took the chat a little more sexual that I had hoped, never wanting it to go that route. I fed this internet guy a lot of crap for my own selfishness. I’ve never been great at talking about how I feel but wish I had been up front with my bf about what I needed. Instead I cheated. Even though there was no emotional feelings for this guy, I still feel horrible, for both guys. My bf found our conversations and when he confronted me about them, I lied. I don’t know why but I did. I was so ashamed about what I had done and now he can’t trust me and I’m not sure if we will get through this. I did meet the internet guy to get a couple puppies from him and he did give me a hug or two but that was it. I’m not even physically attracted to this guy. I love my bf so much, we’ve been together for a long time and have a beautiful 3 year old boy. I want so much for us to get past this and for him to give me the attention I need from him. How do I get him to understand that it was strictly just to hear the things I needed. I could never sleep with anyone else, that’s not me at all. I’ve always had a friendly personality which he calls flirty and now he thinks that I must’ve been cheating on him the entire relationship. What do I do?

written by hurt man, 28 July, 2012

I was cheated on by my girlfriend. more than two times that "I Know About" and it hurts. I’ve tried to hang in there for her child whom Ive helped raise. OUR issues have always been trust. She has lied over the years and yet i’ve stayed. I myself have also done wrong as well, I havent been the best companion which I am CERTAIN is "Part" not all of why she strayed. Reading why woman cheat scarred me.Ive read woman cheat up and for physical reasons and child bearing reasons like genes. The guys were better looking I must admit and she told me how good they looked. In a nut shell I think her cheating is because shes not happy with my physical looks. I am a good provider but, I know thats not enough. She "CLAIMS" I have a good sex game, her words not mine.

That said, to all woman who cheat, some men you can tell, others you cant. They will yell and scream, the ones you can tell you cheated that is but, thats it. Thats how they get back at you in there own way. Funny? Yeah, I agree it is. Then there are the ones you better "NOT TELL" no matter how bad you feel. those men are dangerous. "IF" you think your boyfriend is dangerous and could harm you, dont tell him you strayed! Sometimes the best thing to do is break up, though you cheated! WHY? Woman can be just as horrible as men but, woman seem to cheat for a reason, men cheat because they just want sex. When a man is "IN LOVE’ he wont cheat, if he just loves you he will.

The way to get men not to stray is to cater to him. This is what my woman who strayed on me never did. NO, I didnt cheat on her, what Im saying is she never catered to my needs, not wants, my needs. Woman at times only focus on what they arent getting, not what they are and cheat on there men because of 1 or 2 things missing. This can be fixed as long as the woman doesnt try and make her man feel weak in doing so. If hes over weight, fix healthier meals for him, lead him to better fitness. Dont say, "your fat" and deny him sex. Sex makes men feel there woman adore them and desire them. Cook for him food that you and he eat and tell him, "this is what I want us to eat as a couple o we can develop healthy habits as a couple, I am feeling sluggish and when I eat this way, I have more energy"! Funny? Yeah, I know if you lie those are the lies to tell. My woman cheated with a incredibly in shape man, she would comment how i look badly and i admit i was out of shape. when she cheated, she worked out paid attention to her looks and soon as she got caught, gained weight and doesnt care how she looks as much. To me shes so beautiful, yeah, I still adore her after all the lies and cheating. I am hurt, please if you can dont hurt your men and cheat on them. There are some good ones out there but, if we cheat as men, who are we cheating with? Other woman so what does that mean? Woman cheat more than is said!

written by Ms. Who, 30 July, 2012

Most people don’t really talk about their true feelings regarding cheating because most will never understand it (even though the answer is pretty logical). What’s cheating when we have no collars on? Only false promises that will be ruined eventually by human error. If you catch someone cheating forgive, move on, or stay.

written by Jo619, 31 July, 2012

If the shoe was on the other foot, would you want to know?
Can you live with being both a liar and a cheat?
I think we usually know what the right thing to do is, what we choose usually depends on whether we are governed by love or by fear.

written by Kitty22, 01 August, 2012

My husband and I have been married for almost 3 years now... before we got married he was the sweetest guy, there was only a few problems... when we started dating he was very controlling. He told me I could no longer talk to any of my friends and I was not allowed to be any where near another man. I was never allowed to leave my house unless for him. He made it to where he was all I had, while he still talked to his ex fiance... almost daily. He texted her, emailed her, w/e. I asked him one day if he was still in love with her and he told me yes. After he seen how upsetting it was to me... he said I threw it out of context. About a year into our relationship he had a very bad accident and was put in the hospital.... I only left his side for one day when his father asked to be with him alone... during that time he texted his ex fiance... I was told countless times that he had been cheating and I caught him attempting to cheat only once. I finally told him that there would be no more contact between him and his ex or I would leave him... and so he went behind my back (Swearing on our sons life that he wasn’t) to talk to her. It crushed me... He eventually stopped talking to her... and things got better. We were happy... but then he started to change(again)... acting like he just didn’t care about my feelings... no affection, nothing, all I would ever hear from him is how I was such a heartless bitch, how I was so selfish and too insecure.... I cook for him I clean for him I take care of our son and go to full time college while trying to get a job..and when he got out the hospital I had to help him bathe I even had to hold him up so he could use the bathroom. He also became a constant (bad) liar. Now... a couple months ago...I made the worst mistake of my life... I cheated on him with my best friend... It was what I think they call emotional cheating because we just talked sweet to each other. I felt guilty and pretty much erased my best friend out of my life and told my husband and he has been very depressed... I made such a huge mistake... I’ve hurt the only man that I’ve ever felt like this for... and I don’t know how to make it better..

written by hurt guy, 06 August, 2012

I’ve been with the same GF for 6years. I found out after the first two weeks of dating her that she was still with her boyfriend and thought I knew because her friend set us up and thought she told me. I told her him or me, she chose me. 2years later I showed up at her place with flowers in hand and saw her riding some guy through the window. She answered the door ashamed, asked me to leave while she kicked him out because she didn’t want me to kill him. She misjudges my patience because I am a combat veteran she assumed that I would go nuts, actually I am very calm and collected. I was pissed make no mistake but I love her and believed she was genuine and would change as she promised. A year later her phone beeped with a text from some dude, so I read it. talked about how great she is and I called him. He thought we were separated-what she told him. she admitted that she was seeing him for 2YEARS! She promised never to talk to him if I would still have her and I fell for it. I figured I forgave her once,I can do it again. Yesterday(2years later)I go to her place to pick her up for my daughter’s b-day party(daughter from previous marriage-ex cheated while I was in Iraq) I walk in there is a dude sleeping in her bed. I walk into the bathroom(she’s in the tub)and confront her, she tells me it’s her boyfriend of 4months. The guy was told we were separated. He was surprised to find out that we had just gone out, had sex shortly before that, was suppose to go to my daughters party that morning, etc. We recently had a situation with an ectopic pregnancy that required surgery, I was there by her side nursing her recovery. He thought it was his kid and I thought it was mine. She got pissed and left. Him and I stood outside talking for 45min filling eachother in on the blanks. We both said we were done with her. She did not cheat up, for sure. He is a nice guy though. She balls again about being ashamed, tells me she loves me after I tell her that I’ve had it with her! Today she tells me he said he would take her back but she has a lot to prove and asks me if I will take her back but wants to know because if I say no she will go for him. I said how could you be with someone who you know your only with because I don’t want you? She talked more and then I slipped(I think)because something came over me and I said if u want someone else then do it I dont care (which is true) and if you want me then I will try to get past it but a lot to prove is the understatement of the century. Then I’m told she needs time to decide who she wants to be with because she loves me but loves things about him too. I suggested she date nobody,find herself and start new with someone she didn’t burn. Now I’m typing in disbelief that after being cheated on 4times I am actually waiting on my GF of 6years to tell me who she wants 2b with and that I am actually considering giving her yet another shot. 6years of memories is hard to let go, outside of infidelity she is super. For me loyalty is everything, I have NEVER cheated on her because that’s not me. I view forgiveness as a strength but feel that my forgiving nature may be my weakness as far as my relationship goes. I’m worried that it may only be a matter of time before it happens again. If you take someone back you have to not bring up the past. I have let it go over and over b4 and I can do it again but how can I ever really trust that this time would be different? What methods do former cheaters use to prove themselves to their partner? Give me some examples that actually work so I have something to go off of and can know what kind of results I should expect. Or am I just a huge sucker and should just move on?

written by mr me, 10 August, 2012

hurt guy... let me call you mr nice guy
the truth is... man just leave her... you love her but she doesn’t love u... thats a killer
you can’t change her... i am in your shoes right now, and however hard it is... you will push through.

written by lore, 10 August, 2012

i cheat...bec. im longing time from my husband. He is work Catholic. i’ve been married for 5 years..and i have so many tears falling bec. i feel not important to him. he always priority his work. now 1 time i met someone who is married too i feel that he care and how i wish i met him before my husband came in... that’s a question running up my mind...we txt and call till we met once in a place were just the two of us we kiss and hug but nothing happened coz i just realized people around us..his wife, my husband and my kids..after that i just can get over to him...i’m trying to let him go in my head and heart..its painful. now i’m back to my husband but something strange change to my feelings to my husband.. if i could turn back time except my kids i will not be this man...so weird but that’s what i feel... sometimes in our marriage life seems i beg him always a time to spend with me, care in me..basic things need for a women just to feel how special i am to him....i did not feel that to my husband..but i cant leave him due to our society..my family what will be their conclusion to me..lot to consider in short...perhaps i will keep all this to me the hurt, loneliness...rather than to hurt him or my family....

written by Stadsjaap, 12 August, 2012

There is only one question: Do you trust him enough to believe he will forgive you. If not, you are deceiving your partner AND yourself.

written by TruthLiesInDeceit, 15 August, 2012

Why so much whining. If you are cheated on, that person no love you. Once cheater always a cheater. Leave them, sometimes I wish was old days....when a cheater would get stoned to death if caught. If you will and do cheat on your boyfriend/husband at least break up with them. Have some dignity, I assure you cheating is easily found out about if you know same people. Stop being so selfish!

written by bd, 15 August, 2012

I cheated on my Fiance, I can’t believe I did! I love him so much, I told him the truth,I owned up to my mistake,I’ve been crying every night reminiscing about everything,we have been together for almost 5 years *coming up soon*.. he said just after the second day, that he wants to work things out still be together... He had alone time to think as he was gone out of state for work..... I feel horrible dirty.. his whole family bashing me on fbook saying I’ve slept with guys I haven’t seen in like 10 years... It hurts the things they’re saying.. but we don’t listen I love my babe with all my heart... He still says he loves me as I do too.... I’m pretty blessed.. we have a beautiful 3 year old daughter and he has been such a wonderful father and fiance... Why I cheated? I guess I just missed being loved on tenderly :/.... Thank god he has forgiven me... I am so lost with out him.... I will NEVER make that mistake again!!!!

written by lemonade, 16 August, 2012

When my boyfriend and I were just going out for a couple of months, there’s this friend of his who always goes out with us, then he became my friend to. Then we started messaging each other, but i felt nothing for that friend of his, we just talk normally. Then I made a mistake of saying i love you to the guy (which was only in a friendly way, and i didn’t even mean to say it). Then my boyfriend found out about it and told me, he was so angry about it. A few years after, he didn’t have time for me anymore, he only cares about his friends and his online games. One day while I was surfing the net, I found this sex site where you talk about anything with people on the internet. So i tried registering then I enjoyed talking with a lot of people making jokes and everything but i never had sex chat with them. Then there is this guy there who I talk to a lot and he tells me he loves me and I just say i love him too back without meaning it. Then my boyfriend found out and he became angry about it and now he is always reminding me about the cheating (which didn’t involve kissing and sex) that I’ve done.

written by Y’all have twisted outlooks, 18 August, 2012

If you’re emotionally invested in someone else. It’s CHEATING. You start to treat your partner differently because you’re looking outside of the home with your back turned. AND for the ones who think it’s ok to like. WORTHLESS. Your lies, your infidelity, your guilt, or your feeling of getting by scot free WILL manifest itself in damaging ways. You will continue to cheat, you will emotionally/verbally abuse your partner, lying will be habitual. TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE. Yeah, it’s going to hurt the cheatee, but keeping it to yourself is the MOST selfish thing you can do. If you cheat, tell. If the relationship can’t make it after that, TOO F#CKING BAD. Hopefully, you’ll grew and remember that experience.

written by wday381, 20 August, 2012

I found out a week ago my wife was having an affair. She says she slept with the other person twice in a span of a year. I cannot describe the pain I feel. We have a six year old daughter and I do not know if I am willing to stay in the marriage. How can I possibly trust her again, laugh with her again, or love her again. How do I begin to heal? I hope someone can tell me cause I just do not know.

written by hessian, 27 August, 2012

To all of you women on here who cheated, you are pigs, pure and simple. Just because your husband doesn’t tell you how pretty you are everyday, it doesn’t give you the right to cheat, have some honor. I’m sick of people who want to have their cake and eat it too at the expense of someone who’s probably out working hard to make sure their spouse has a roof over their head and food on the table. When you marry someone you’re supposed to be a team and work together to make life good for each other, not just yourself. Go buy some sex toys

written by hessian, 28 August, 2012

@torn_apart2012 Make her guy friend get a dna test and stick him for child support if you can. Why should he have the milk without paying for the cow? Don’t be a door mat. My wife has had a few guy friends and I nipped them in the bud because that’s how the cheating s#^t usually starts. One guy I accidentally saw texting her on her phone flirting with her and asking her out to dinner. He got an e-mail as a warning and that was the end of it. Once things get a little rough they run to their guy friend instead of talking it out with their "best friend" and before they know it they’re getting plowed. Is that the price that guy friends charge to listen to women’s problems? If so, then they’re no friend and deserve to pay for the tail that they get especially if they get the girl pregnant.

written by Vinincenz, 28 August, 2012

Cheaters, male or female lack not just respect for their partners, they also lack respect for themselves...there is NO excuse for infidelities.

written by hessian, 31 August, 2012

@Lauren2525: You say you’re only dating but didn’t say how committed you are to your boyfriend. If he’s upset about you flirting with some other guy then he’s probably committed to you. When most people date, even if it’s for 19 months, you can expect the man or woman to see different people unless you both agree otherwise. If you have no agreement or understanding to that extent then he shouldn’t be angry with you. A little jealous maybe but since there’s no ring on your finger and no expectation of faithfulness he has no argument. Like I posted before, my wife was texting with some guy friend. While he was the only one flirting and asking her to dinner she should’ve set boundaries to their friendship and stopped it in its tracks. Because she didn’t, and kept it a secret even after I found out, I don’t look at her the same way anymore and have seriously considered leaving her after 12 years of being together. Even though you did nothing but text, or sext, things like that can ruin a relationship. Since you kept it from him he’ll always wonder what else you’ve kept from him. Relationships are built on trust and all it takes is a little bit of doubt and mistrust to end it. Put yourself in his shoes, how would you feel if he did that to you, I bet you’d be sick to your stomach.

written by fancy, 02 September, 2012

Aint nobody perfect

written by Hurt213, 03 September, 2012

Please, before you read, know that I am shattered. Please don’t abuse me.
I have been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years, recently we took a trip together for the summer whereby I had to come home before him. I hadn’t drank alcohol properly in months & when I got home I went on a bender with my 2 old friends. One of which was dropping me home & I kissed him. I didn’t mean it, and I don’t know where it came from. One minute I was having a great time, the next I just kissed him. It meant nothing and I have no feelings for him, never did. I was gutted to leave my boyfriend after spending all our time together on the trip, it was like I had such an insecurity and loneliness I kissed my friend out of missing him. It sounds so terrible, but it’s the only way I can think why it happened. I always slated cheaters before, it was such a no-no in my life, and I said the most horrible things about anyone who did such a thing. And so, when it happened to me my life fell apart in the worst way you could imagine. I wanted to die, I didn’t know who I was, what I stood for anymore, why I did what I did, I didn’t know what my life was, I still don’t know. I was on the verge of suicide and my family organized for me to see a counselor who has been helping me. My boyfriend is home soon and I will tell him as soon as I see him, I don’t want lies in my life, and I don’t want him to live a lie. I love him so, I know many will say otherwise but if you could see me now, I’m a shadow of the person I used to be. My family is shook, imp in bits, I suppose my question is, do I deserve forgiveness? Is it possible for things to be ok in the future? I would give my life for him, so I’d be prepared to do just about anything. I’m helping myself in the meantime by reading loads and I haven’t drank in over a month, I also haven’t been out, I don’t see anyone. I’m just studying and using the gym alot, I can’t bear to be around others. I feel like my life it over. Can anyone give me advice or help? Please no abuse, I have enough pain in my life I assure you.

written by IntrakitBla, 03 September, 2012

I am a man and my wife cheated on me about 5 months ago and truth be told I wish to god she never would have admitted it to me. She didn’t work for about 4 years because she stayed home with our 3 kids. Well she finally got a job as a supervisor making really good money and she had alot of power. I noticed she became more and more distant and when she was home she was texting and was always clearing her phones history and if I got ahold of her phone she would snatch it. Fast forward to a day where we argued all day and I ask her look did you have sex with him and she says yes that one Sunday when they were working they went out to lunch afterwards and he asked if she wanted to go to a hotel. They did they had sex he left she showered and left herself she claims she broke down in the car because I had sent her a text message with a picture of me and our 7month old baby daughter waiting on her. Long story short I wish she wouldn’t have told me I have tried to kill myself 3 times and I go to sleep every night hoping I don’t wake up !!!

written by hessian, 05 September, 2012

@IntrakitBla: Instead of killing yourself you should get revenge on your unfaithful wife by sleeping with one of her friends, preferably right in front of her. If that’s not to your tastes just divorce her and move on. Cheaters are like child molesters, once they do it they’ll do it again. Also get tested for STDs, who knows what kind of diseases that DB she slept with has. Stay strong, don’t let that pig get the last laugh. Whether or not she has remorse she still cheated on you, that shows no respect, she deserves none of yours.

written by hessian, 05 September, 2012

@Hurt213: Don’t drink, problem solved. A kiss isn’t that big of a deal although you can get herpes that way. You’re not married so it’s less of a big deal than if you were. Depending on what type of guy your boyfriend is you may or may not want to tell him. If you and the guy you kissed were there only ones present then it’s your word against his but if you think he will blab about it to other people you should tell your boyfriend before he hears it from someone else. If your bf hears it from someone else it will make you look sneaky and he will never trust you again.

written by hi there, 05 September, 2012

This article is a pile of bullshit and like most articles on female infidelity it justify the woman’s behavior and states that the man she is cheating on her boyfriend or husband with is invariably superior to him. This is often not the case. Most women cheat on most men and the men they are cheating on their husbands with in many cases are not superior to their husband in any way. All these articles basically tell us that it is pretty much ok if a woman cheats and the her boyfriend is a "beta chump" and the other guy she is fucking is an alpha male stud. Women cheat on famous actors, men known for their looks. Women cheat on billionaires. etc. I think a woman is about as likely to cheat on a "handsome and successful" man as she is with an unattractive unemployed man. Most women cheat, some women don’t. I don’t think the man she is with has anything to do with it. If a woman goes from an unattractive poor man who she cheated on to a handsome man with money, she will do it again. Some women are just sluts, these pseudo-scientific excuses and rationalizations for such dishonest behavior are stupid.

written by Hurt213, 06 September, 2012

@Hessian I appreciate your response & your ability to understand how sorry I am. I haven’t had a drink since & I’m not sure I will want to again, I am scared of it, and myself. I find myself skiing away from other friends I have that are guys, not wanting to talk to them as much & feeling really different, although I know them for years. My boyfriend isn’t home yet, I’m sick still, it has been nearly 40 days of this & i don’t know if ill ever be right again. I’m so vulnerable at the moment, I’m terrified he will crush me when i tell him although my heart is breaking and he is never gone from my mind. Do you think its possible for someone to forgive, considering how sorry I am? Or is it just an unrealistic ask from another person? Thanks for your time.

written by still pissed, 07 September, 2012

Ladies, the problem is not only whether he believes you or not, but whether you tell him the whole truth. Reality can come back to haunt you.

I’ll give an example to that effect: I once heard a rumor an ex of mine had cheated on me when I was away for the Christmas holidays. She had tried to dump me the following January when I returned and we got back together. When I confronted her after being told in February she claimed she’d only made out with him. Two full months later one of her best friends told me the real truth, that she had told her that she’d slept with someone and made me secretly listen to a skype call with her where she admitted it and saw no reason for me to know. I dumped her ass, and rightfully so. Yes that destroyed me emotionally, but it did a good number on her too.

written by joely, 08 September, 2012

I don’t get why people who cheat can ever think that their "former" loved one will ever forgive or trust them again, they may pretend to for the sake of children if they have them but it will always be a sham the cheater will always be someone they can never trust.

written by hessian, 10 September, 2012

@Hurt213: You never said what kind of kiss it was. I assume since you believe you cheated, you gave your guy friend more than just a peck on the cheek. I only know myself and I am not a forgiving person although I know people who have the ability to forgive others so I’d say it would depend on your boyfriend’s personality. It’s up to you but I would probably tell him, if nothing else, he can’t say you weren’t honest with him. One example I can give is of a girl I used to date. She was a tramp and everyone in town knew she was although we got along so I decided to give it a try. She constantly told me she wasn’t that kind of girl even though I knew better. She ended up messing around with a friend of mine while we were dating so she got the boot. Her sister was also a tramp but instead of lying about it she embraced it and was honest. I have an enormous amount of respect for her because of her honesty and none for the one who not only cheated on me but lied about it. Being sneaky and dishonest, at least to me is far worse than making a mistake while being under the influence of alcohol. I can’t completely relate to being drunk and fooling around because I’ve never done that but maybe your boyfriend has had that experience before and can be sympathetic.

written by ghen, 10 September, 2012

People who cheat have no respect for there partners or them self. I have been cheated on and would of preferred to be told by my partner than to do my own investigation. Its better to be honest and tell your partner than keep it discreet. So they can move on and find someone better that deserves them and will always be faithful.

written by JackBaruel, 18 September, 2012

to IntrakitBla

Look, life is short and way too good, to kill yourself, First of all, she does not deserve that you die and she still lives, second, your kids depend on you, you should divorce her, show her how much she needs you, she did not respect you, but you should respect yourself, start fresh, there are over 7 billion people out there, most of them woman, why loose your life over a bad marriage?
Even if you still love her, time is the best remedy, and a new partner makes it a hell faster.

written by girl, 22 September, 2012

Ladies, don’t feel bad for cheating. And DON’T tell them! One side usually cheats in most relationships, and it’s usually men, no matter how much they love their gf/wife; but from what I have experienced, it’s only ONE SIDE that cheats, the other one chases. I cheated on my bfs who cheated on me first, I forgave, they continued cheating. ONLY AFTER I CHEATED they stopped completely and it turned other way around, now I was loved and cared more. I told them because I knew I was ready to end the relationship. But if you don’t want to end it, DON’T EVER TALK ABOUT IT, and don’t feel bad about it once you do it. After all, it’s your life, and life is short. Human beings can and do make mistakes, leave it behind and go on with your happy life.

written by Hessian, 24 September, 2012

@Girl, Ladies who cheat on their husbands/boyfriends who are faithful to them should feel bad about what they’ve done and so should men who do that to their wives/girlfriends. What kind of a piece of garbage would do that to someone they supposedly love? I’ve been with my wife for 12 years and married for 7 and I’ve never cheated. Through most of that time I was diagnosed with a hyperactive thyroid gland which makes your libido almost uncontrollable and I still turned down every girl that propositioned me. If I could stay faithful through that anyone can, there is no excuse other than selfishness. I get that you’re not married so cheating is a little bit different in the dating world but by cheating on your bf and him cheating on you could’ve given you both unwanted STDs. Life is indeed short but my guess would be that having an STD or being jaded because of infidelity would make it seem longer and more painful than it needs to be.

written by Sept24, 24 September, 2012

I just wish to say that people should stop accusing only men for cheating. Women do it very often and most of the times don’t get caught.

I am here because I feel cheated by my partner although he does not have sexual intercourse with other females(as far as I know). However, one of the multiple reasons I worry is because he works in a night club and he is away every single night while being there during Playboy Parties(and so on), with me having no idea really what happens there; I only rely on my trust for him which is not much left.

I have to admit I was ”considering” cheating although I was only fooling myself. I know I could never do it, unless in my imagination or in theory.

The comments above made me realize that if someone hurts you it doesn’t mean you have to lower your standards. End it and move on gracefully.

This is a sick world we are living in, without morals or values left, cheap opportunities all over; I just hope those hurt can find their self esteem, optimism and someone special in the future. Don’t forgive a cheater, even if children are involved. Not because they will do it again, but because the frustrations and anger will destroy you in time.

Good luck!

written by Hessian, 26 September, 2012

@Sept24, You’re a better person for not cheating. Fantasies are never the same in real life, usually worse. We do live in a sick world, it’s sad, most people have no respect but want other people to give it to them. I have old fashioned values and I rarely fit in because most people don’t share my values or respect them. Even my wife eats up this feminist garbage about how it’s ok to screw around with lots of guys, it makes me want to vomit and wonder why I bothered to get married.

written by HELP!, 26 September, 2012

Okay I have been with my boyfriend for about 3 years now we broke it off about three months ago I hooked up with another guy he wanted to be back together so I told him knowing I couldn’t be back together if he didn’t know what I had done he told me he could forgive me since we weren’t together perfect right? NO! I cant stop thinking of the guy I had hooked up with what do I do??

written by Hessian, 26 September, 2012

@Help, A girl did the same thing to me while we were dating. I was glad she was honest with me but in a way I didn’t want to know because we weren’t broken up very long. It gave me the impression she didn’t care too much about me since she ran right out and had sex with another guy. I know they call that a rebound but it still sucks. If you can’t stop thinking about the guy you hooked up with why did you get back with your old boyfriend? Is there no chance of a relationship with the other guy? I commend you for being honest with him about hooking up with that other guy, not many women have the guts. Everybody fantasizes/thinks about other people but when the fantasy becomes reality that’s when the shit hits the fan and people get hurt. If you still have other guys on your mind you might not want to rush into a serious relationship with your boyfriend and let him know where he stands.

written by norm., 27 September, 2012

To all of the people out there who have cheated on their partners, I can tell you this much at least, the right thing is to ALWAYS tell the truth about what happened. You think you would be clearing your conscience by speaking out? Everybody is accountable for their actions especially adults in long lasting relationships. Will it hurt him more than anything, yes probably. If he respects himself enough you will face the music you deserve. If the relationship is then over, you have only yourself to blame and hate, at least you will learn a lesson for the future. If he is strong enough to continue with the relationship you are amazingly lucky to have such a person in your life. Be aware that some men are not strong enough to step out of the relationship so even if he wants to continue, it can still be the end if he is unable to forgive you. What we are concerned with here is morality and ethics. Morality is a more mechanical understanding of right and wrong, where as ethics is a deeper understanding, one in which you strongly feel the difference between right and wrong, not just understand what it is. If you are a person able to compromise with your own morality you are not ethical in the least. Choose not to tell him? You can make that choice but know that for as long as you stay together your relationship is not pure, you have taken the sanctity of what you had and pissed all over it, if others know about your cheating then you are actively choosing to make a complete idiot of that person. You are willing to make this decision? Ok, your choice to self impose psychopathy but don’t you dare to tell the truth when you are an old person just to clear your life conscience. Do I speak melodramatically? Perhaps, I know what I feel and I feel it strongly. I love my woman very very much, it would kill me to know she had slept with another, I don’t believe I could forgive her and for both our sanity I would want to end the relationship but I know if she told me she would have done the right thing, for herself and for myself.

written by nohopeforme, 28 September, 2012

When I was younger I was molested by my stepbrother, it was a horrible time in my life that I chose to ignore and not tell to anyone. It has forever changed the way I feel about men. I feel like I am an "object" and am needed in a physical way. In high school I dated a guy for two years and he broke up with me. It wasn’t until after he broke up with me that I found out he cheated. I completely changed after that and have never been the same. I am so disgusted with myself and my behavior but I can’t stop. I have cheated on every boyfriend I’ve had and am constantly looking for someone who "cares". I know they don’t care about me but they act like they do so I accept it. I love my boyfriend more than anything and always think of my future with him but I don’t deserve him, I know that. I live with my quilt everyday. I told him I cheated on him and he forgave me which I know he shouldn’t have done, I don’t deserve anyone. I still continue to cheat on him but it’s always with the same person who I don’t care anything about. I need help I know it has a lot to do with my past and my view on men but I cannot blame it all on that. I am an adult and own up to my behavior I just need help. I still have not told my family I was molested and I don’t think I ever will because my other biggest problem is holding in things. I keep everything bottled up until I break inside. I don’t believe there is any hope for me.

written by Mr. True, 28 September, 2012

My ex gf cheated on me after only 1 year together, admitted it, I ”forgave” her, we lasted 3 more years... But it really hurt my self esteem as a man.
After 4 1/2 years she left me on my 40th birthday and got married a year later.
That was 5 years ago... It severely damaged my self confidence. I am still single, and will more than likely be alone for the rest of my life.

written by Once the other guy, 29 September, 2012

I was in a relationship once with a married woman. Everything she sold herself as was a lie. ”My husband is not a man. He doesn’t work. He jerks off to porn. Now that he’s gone he doesn’t help with the kids.” It turns out she just needed a few months to get her slut on before taking the poor bastard back. She did not even shower before going to him just minutes after being with me. She still lives next door with him perfectly content, blameless, and unaccountable. Her husband gives me dirty looks as he chats it up with the neighbors that all know. He seeks friendship and comfort from her gay best friend who was present several times while I was in pj’s at her house. All on a lie, she hurt her kids, her husband, and most insignificant of all but nonetheless me a friend. Just to selfishly fill some emotional void. Kanufeelit ? According to her husband; A truth told in bad intent beats all the lies you can invent. That’s actually William Blake but it holds true for him cause he’s definitely avoiding truths while excepting her lies. Anyway my point is she is a POS no matter how you dissect or analyze it. Man or woman if you lie or cheat, you are selfish and unreliable in a relationship, possibly as a person as well. No accountability!

written by Face_It_Down, 01 October, 2012

NoHopeForMe – I’m sorry that happened to you. My mother was molested in a similar way. But there’s hope, of course! You know there is, as you even described the solution in your post. The ONLY solution is to be HONEST about what happened to you. TALK TO A THERAPIST. It’s a painful memory but you have to work through it and come to terms with it. Tell people in your family who will support you with patience and understanding and will stand by your side as you work through it. Do NOT keep it bottled in. Tell what happened to professionals and then actually work through it. Do that and you’ll have a healthy life. If you don’t deal with it now, you’re going to continually cause pain not just to yourself but to many others: the ones you care most about. There is hope, you just have to be honest, open, and strong.

written by Karendbell, 01 October, 2012

So I cheated on my ex husband a year ago when we were dating it was the first month i never told him and now were getting a divorce because he changed he wasn’t the person i thought he was it was just bad and even though I feel guilty for cheating on him but I won’t break his heart by telling him its too much and well I’m talking to the guy I cheated on him with now since my husband doesn’t want anything to do with me i was wondering is it a good idea to be with him will it work and he made the first move when I cheated on my husband

written by absolutely right, 08 October, 2012

women seem to be the biggest cheaters today, and much more women do certainly cheat more than men. i am a straight man that was married at one time and i was a very caring and loving husband that never mistreated her in anyway at all, but she was the one that cheated on me. we were together for fifteen years, and i even thought that i was going to spend the rest of my life and have a family with her. now being single and alone at my age really sucks for me, and i hate going out and dealing with this garbage all over again. now that i am in my late fifties, it is very hard trying to find a good woman for me again. i seem to come across the very nasty women that have an attitude problem, which certainly makes it worse. many of the women today think that they are all that, especially the ones with the high paying jobs. at least years ago, many women accepted a man for who he was. today they want men that have a lot of money, or the ones that are rich. i wish that i had been born just a little bit sooner, then i could have avoided this mess and just maybe i would have found the right woman back then and have a family like i wanted to have. i am one of many men that really hates being alone, so i will go out everyday of the week not to be home by myself. and since i have no one to be home too, what do i have to lose. now i just go out and hope for the best.

written by Hessian, 09 October, 2012

@absolutely right, Hang in there man. Women (and men) today are garbage for the most part. I’m not much of a religious person but I would suggest going to church to possibly find someone with some real values and morals. You can blame the media for the way most people behave these days. Women’s magazines tell women that it’s ok to cheat and have sex with multiple partners but they never tell these girls about the consequences of their actions. I’m surprised no one’s sued these rags for the break up of their marriage yet.

written by sreekumar trivandrum, 09 October, 2012

I was cheated by my wife, that too after twelve years of marriage. Our daughter is eleven, and my wife suddenly starts shaping her eyebrow, spending too much time in front of the mirror for a make up, and suddenly begins to take her cell phone outside, when it rings. The funny thing is that the the other is just 28 yrs old whereas she is 39, and I am 48. Not only that, she had the mind to lock our bedroom door outside with me and our daughter sleeping inside, around 1.30 am; to wait for the guy to turn up. I am really shattered because all I got in this world is my family........and have very few blood relations, including one younger brother, all living very far away.

written by absolutely right, 10 October, 2012

TO HESSIAN, thank you very much for your support, and since there are so many low life women now than ever before, it will be very tough meeting a real good one now.

written by..., 10 October, 2012

I always believed that once I found the person I was going to be with I wouldn’t cheat.. but here I am doing exactly that... I’m not condoning what I do but how many times do you have to tell your partner you need some attention... he hasn’t made any sexual advances towards me for coming up 4 months and I try the sexy underwear and getting undressed infront of him and still nothing... he’s happy how things are do that’s fine... but don’t go blaming me when I’ve tried and still receive nothing.. maybe the love is gone I don’t know.. but I’ve finally given in to the one guy who calls me gorgeous every day and comments on how I look and makes me laugh on a daily basis... maybe we were just meant to be the distraction for each other from our normal lives since he’s married too... who knows... maybe one day it’ll all end in tears and I’ll be hated.. but then again maybe I’ll just get tired of begging my actual partner for attention and just leave... only time will tell... at the moment I’m in the mind frame of what he doesn’t know doesn’t hurt....

written by Hessian, 11 October, 2012

@..., Typical excuse from a selfish woman. Did you get that from an article in some woman’s magazine telling you that you’re the poor victim in your marriage because you’re not the center of attention 24/7? What he doesn’t know won’t hurt YOU is more like it. Heaven forbid your comfy life upset by a little honesty. Could it be that maybe he has a lot of job stress that’s wearing him down? Some guys don’t get hints like sexy underwear or their wives getting undressed in front of them because they’re too preoccupied with being a provider and all the stress that goes with it. Sometimes women need to take the lead to pull their husbands out of whatever funk they’re in instead of running to the first guy that smiles at them, that’s part of being a good partner. Why don’t you tell him you’re messing around with someone else or at least thinking about it so you can see for sure whether he cares. Since you don’t mind getting it on with someone else why would you deny him an opportunity to do the same or go find someone more loyal and understanding than you?

written by the ex, 14 October, 2012

I was married for 7 years. He cheated constantly. I always believed that he would change. We are now divorced. My last straw was learning that my beloved husband brought home an STD. I am raising a 4 year old little boy, working two jobs and putting myself through school. Because of the selfishness of my ex-husband, the chances of me dating / getting married again with an STD... Slim
If your cheating – GET. OUT OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP.

written by secret lover, 14 October, 2012

i had an affair with a woman recently. i have known her for an extremely long time. we were extremely good friends until recently. she filled my head with all sorts of promises and fantasies. her boyfriend sort of knew or picked up on what was going on and has since been verbally attacking me online with rude name calling and threats of violence...

long story short... mutual friends have told me the boyfriend is recently telling people i’m a stalker, and a creeper of his girlfriend as he doesn’t think/or want to admit anything happened... I have had a few short talks with her since we got called out and she was distant but conversed, but never did i feel like i was acting out of line... i have since cut off communication with her and this guy is still hounding me about whether i slept with his girlfriend. Ive been trying to protect her world by not telling people who it wasn’t obvious to but now i’m beginning to wonder if she is feeding these lies about my character and wonder if i should just tell him the truth

written by Hessian, 15 October, 2012

@Secret lover, I had a similar situation happen to me. I met a girl that told me she was single but was actually living with a guy and seeing other guys on the side. When I found out about her boyfriend(s) I called her a whore and ditched her. I found out later that she lied to her boyfriend about the whole thing, calling me some stalker to cover her ass. While I was mad at her boyfriend for what he said about me and wanted to beat him into the middle of next week it was understandable because his "Innocent" girlfriend was the one doing the lying. I told her boyfriend how things went down through his cousin that I knew and of course he didn’t believe me, at least not until her lies started coming out. If you tell him the truth be ready for him to not believe you. If he doesn’t believe you it’s not your problem, it’s his. If he keeps up the harassment just tell him you’ll go to the police and file charges if he doesn’t stop. I don’t know if you want to go as far as suing her for defamation but if she did give you a bad name you have every right. Good Luck

written by MoonPie, 15 October, 2012

I need help. I’m a married woman and I love my husband. 5 years ago I found out he was a serial cheater. He says he was a sex addict. I’ve read books and been to therapy. He says he loves me and will never do this again. He cheated with 19 different women in 13 years. I freaked out! I made him get std check. Luckily nothing there with that. We had 3 children on those years. I have forgiven I believe but I’m still really mad. I pray about it. Well when I found out there was another man that I met who is pretty much not my type in most cases. He was going through a divorce because his wife cheated. He was a good listener. I was so pissed I slept with him. He was sweet and kind. He loved to kiss me which my husband lacks in. Well I called it off and that was that. Just a few months ago, the other guy called me to see how I’m doing. It pissed me off because I was really forgetting about him by then. Well after he called me I called him. He asked to see me. He’s just a gentle person. He was very romantic too. I meant him at this beautiful place at the beach. He just talked to me. He didn’t expect anything. I just really wanted him to kiss me so bad. Well he didn’t. So let him again. He kissed me and it was electric. I love having a man kissing me like I matter. My husband doesn’t kiss me tenderly like that. He really just goes to my body parts and thinks that’s enough. I’ve told him how I feel but he never does anything to change or romance me. A movie is what he thinks as romance. I won’t leave him though. I believe in marriage and want my kids to have mom and dad together forever. This man also told me he has cancer but isn’t seeking treatment which broke me heart for him. He said he values quality of life and will live each day as his last. We have a good time. I’m really relaxed. I laugh and melt when he touches me. It’s so weird because I don’t want to leave my husband. I know he loves me too. I just want to feel special and just think this is my turn to feel good. I was a vigin when I met my husband at 17. This other man is the only other man I’ve been with.

The problem is I’m Christian. I hate sinning. I hate hurting God. The thing is I’m at peace with this man. I don’t even feel that guilty. Like this past sat...I took my daughter and her friend to mall. My husband had every chance to hang with me but he went hunting instead. Before I would cry and we would fight because I wanted more out of our relationship but now I don’t care. I know I have someone there for me to talk to and that loves to spend time with me.

I don’t know what to do.

written by Hessian, 15 October, 2012

@Moon Pie, I’m really sorry to hear that. You shouldn’t feel guilty cheating if your husband did all of that cheating on you. If he had a sex problem he should’ve let you in on it before he cheated with 19 women so you could work it out as partners. Either that or let you know what you were in for so you could find someone else before you got married. In my experience communication is key. You might need to take the lead to show him what you want and explain to him why if he isn’t getting it. Men like doing their own things in their off time to burn off stress and get away from it all like hunting, fishing, etc. It’s good for their mental well being but a lot of men get so caught up in it that they neglect the ones they love. Most guys unfortunately don’t realize the emphasis women put on spending quality time together and sometimes never figure it out, I used to be one of them. If you really love your husband and he loves you you should take a vacation together, just the two of you, and get to know each other again. Seeing some other guy while you still love your husband is like someone doing drugs to cope with a problem instead of just fixing the problem itself. It might take your mind off of it for a while and make you feel good but the problem will be waiting for you when you get home.

written by @Imperfection, 17 October, 2012

I agree with the advice, just tell the truth. I myself cheated on my bf, didn’t tell him but I was wracked with guilt for a year, it was such a horrible burden and to think my bf’s also my best friend in the world and i tell him everything. I decided to tell him. We are still together. But it is a most difficult thing to confess. But you will feel a most humongous burden off your shoulders. If you truly love your bf, you need to confess as this is a sign of respect. He needs to know it from you and finding out from somebody else will be ten times as worse. Be prepared to tell him everything, and acknowledge your wrongdoings. Remember, you cannot live with the guilt forever, because it’s in your mind and it will haunt you everywhere you go. Might as well, let it go. and then hope and pray that he will not leave you.

written by Nicnac, 17 October, 2012

I’ve been with my wife for 6 years. We got married 5 months ago. One of her old work colleagues started texting her. He always fancied her and was now divorced. My wife kept texts from me even though we have always been honest with each other and I have never stopped her talking to anyone or seeing anyone. 3 days ago I suspected something and do hovered around her and her phone she was very protective of her phone. After 2 days of pushing for answers she still refused to say she had done anything with him. I have in to something I never wanted to do and read her texts to her best friend. She tells him everything. I found out 7 days ago she went on a date with the man ice skating. She had admitted to her friend the other man saw it as a date when they were there and she felt stupid for going. She tried to deny it still but as I threatened to walk out she admitted seeing him. She says she did nothing with him and I’ve spoke to him well told him exactly what I will do if I get hold of him. He tells the same story she has told me and she told her friend. I believe they didn’t do anything physical but I can’t stop feeling one day it would have got there. I don’t think I can trust her anymore. She says you knew what I was like when you married me. I know her personality and I’m fine with that. I did t know she was a liar. I wouldn’t have married her if I had known she could do this. We have a little girl and I want to make another go of it but I don’t think I can and I think she takes me for granted. Advise please.

written by Johnathan, 17 October, 2012

You should always tell your spouse, bf/gf or whatever the complete truth without being questioned. As the bible says tell the truth. Think if things were the other way around and your partner did this to you. Would you want to know. If you are not 100% honest and truthful with your partner God will judge you.

written by Hessian, 17 October, 2012

@Nicnac, your problem is identical to what I went through with my wife 4 months ago. Her hiding her phone while you’re around is kind of suspect but the rest is spot on to what happened to me. You can’t blow up at her and you should be relieved that she felt stupid for going out with that guy. She probably didn’t tell you because she was embarrassed and thought you’d overreact to the situation, just like my wife did to me. If anyone is at fault I would say it’s the guy she went skating with who thought it was a date. Pushing her to admit to something and not trusting might drive her away especially if you get upset when you talk to her about it. What worked for me was to type out what I wanted to say in an e-mail so I could think about what was on my mind instead of confronting her and getting mad all over again. My wife always had guy friends and is naive to the pitfalls of having them and it sounds like your wife is the same way. It sounds like she doesn’t know how to set boundaries to friendships with men and that going anywhere with another guy behind your back is just wrong no matter how innocent. A lot of times women will complain to their guy friends about problems in their relationship and if that guy friend is interested she just unknowingly gave him the green light. It’s a terrible feeling to have someone that you trust, and think you know, do something like that even if it’s completely innocent. Most women go to their guy friends because there is something lacking in their relationship whether it be not getting enough attention or help around the house. They need to be validated and told how attractive they are on a regular basis and if they’re not, instead of communicating with their partner, they’ll find someone else. Whether or not something physical would’ve happened eventually is anyone’s guess but you shouldn’t torture yourself with scenarios like that, it’s not good for your health or your relationship. Once you start communicating with each other hopefully you can get her to tell you what is lacking in your relationship, if anything, so you can make your relationship stronger.

written by Nicnac, 18 October, 2012

Thanks. I actually sat and wrote how I felt, why I felt like it and what I expected back. Basically we argued or I did when she finally admitted it to me on Tuesday but as she showed very little emotion(she never does for anyone) do in my letter I told her that I felt we had always been honest with each other and the type of person she is was the reason I married her we just worked. But for me that only worked if we were honest. I told her that because she has always told me about her other friends I just don’t understand the secret friend and secret date. I pointed out that the other way around I would have stopped anything way before a date. I knew it was all him but explained that I was concerned he was just pushing and pushing until he got what he wanted. I know she is upset because he has shown he has no interest in being friends now. I did tell her that I needed more from her than just to carry on hoping everything was going to fix itself. She eventually came, sat down with me and we talked more than I’ve ever known her to talk about anything. This is all I ever wanted was to talk about it. As long as she was honest I felt I would be able to trust her again. I actually slept last night which I havent done for 3 days and alot of my anxiety has gone so I feel much better and I’m glad I wrote things down. Thanks for the advice I think we will be ok. I do hope she learns from this that there are some boundaries that should not be crossed and for me all I need is honesty. I will never stop her doing anything. I know she is so stubborn she would do it anyway.

written by Hessian, 18 October, 2012

@Nicnac, I’m glad you were able to work things out. The same thing happened with my wife’s guy friend when I confronted him about asking her out behind my back. He’s pretty much disappeared and my wife got really mad at him because she saw that he was trying to pull something instead of being just her friend. I know she will continue to have guy friends but as long as our relationship doesn’t get stale I know she won’t look elsewhere to get what she needs. If anything it’s made our relationship stronger because she knows what the boundaries are now and that I’ll fight anyone to keep her.

written by cepecora, 19 October, 2012

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years, and 2 months ago he recently found out I cheated on him with someone I had only known for 3 days. I had too many drinks, and we ended up making out; which lead to him taking into his room. I had sex with someone else, and I truly love my boyfriend with all of my heart. I did not want him to find out, but he recently did. He is so hurt, and broke up with me. He wants his space, and right now will hardly talk to me. We were in a very serious relationship, and I know he considers getting back together after some time has past. However, I do not know how to go about explaining to him how truly sorry I am and that this random guy meant nothing. My boyfriend did nothing wrong, and he was everything I wanted. I just made a huge mistake.

written by ray bizzy, 20 October, 2012

I cheated on my girlfriend of 8 years, but I lost it when it came back on me. Cheating is cheating but I still feel my reasons were justified. She was a street runner, she had me live with her but seemed like she was never around. I put up with it for so long because I was mad in love with her, but eventually I got restless and fed up and thought if I wasn’t going to get the affection and time I wanted from her I would seek elsewhere to hurt her and possibly get her to understand where is was coming from. But a week ago I found inbox messages one day she forgot to logout, so I called the guy and turns out they slept together and they had been talking online And over the phone for a while. I know two wrongs don’t make a right and shes trying to make it right. But I can’t forgive and forget when I thought that’s what we were doing from the getgo. And I still love her but it hurts and I can never look at her the same.

written by wonderwoman, 20 October, 2012

i cheated on my current boyfriend with an ex boyfriend who i needed closure from, since he(the ex) left me without giving me a reason why. the only right thing to do was to tell my current boyfriend that i clearly still had unresolved issues and cant do this to him so I have to break up with him. We did. So I tried to sort things out with my ex since he said he came back in my life changed and wanted me to decide whether i want him back and to prove to me he was going to make it all better. long story short, he was still lying, and he only clearly came back because i moved on and had a boyfriend, which obviously he couldn’t stand as he didn’t want me to be with anyone else and just mope over him. I was four years with my ex, and the fact he never gave me closure made it even easier for him to manipulate me in making me believe he really loved me to come back. In any case, I found out even after coming back, he had another girlfriend, or well his mother called me to tell me who the hell do i think i am, and i’m a slut for he has a girlfriend why would i do that. i couldn’t believe it and as much as he promised me he doesn’t have a girlfriend, i saw on facebook her profile and everything with photos of him. so he still continued to lie to me even though there was so much evidence showing me the truth. i believed it was karma, and i deserved it for cheating on my current boyfriend, so i told my ex i never want to speak or see him again. somehow though, my current boyfriend still was trying to get me back after all i did and hurt him. I therefore gave it another chance and have never even thought of cheating on him ever since. i must be completely lucky as i messed up big time and hurt him big time for him to still even consider of wanting to be with me, but now i feel like i owe him always if he messes up or hurts me. we were planning to get married and he came to ask my father for his blessings...but it came out now he completely lied to all of us that he told his parents he wants to get married (i called them to ask why they never came forward asking about this and his mom said she has NO idea what i’m talking of). I feel betrayed. Beyond. Even though the cheating was two years ago, and him lying is now, i feel like is this enough and i shouldn’t everytime punish myself because of what i did to all that he constantly does? i know i rambled ALOT but when do you say enough you’ve made a mistake and you don’t owe the person anything anymore.

written by Hessian, 20 October, 2012

@cepecora, What possesses someone to drop their pants for someone they’ve only known for 3 days? Don’t blame the alcohol, blame yourself. You can’t rape the willing and alcohol just helps people loosen up, it doesn’t force them to have sex. I can’t imagine why your boyfriend would be so hurt and break up with you. Why would you have sex with some guy who meant nothing, do you just give it away? Try having some respect for yourself and your boyfriend and then maybe things like this won’t happen. With all of the information out there at the touch of a button why are people so devoid of common sense these days?

written by HubbaBubba, 21 October, 2012

Hessian – why are you so angry at all the women?? Don’t forget, the men that the women cheated with are all involved, so the ratio for women cheating is higher than the men. For heaven’s sake, how ridiculous! They aren’t cheating on only themselves – it takes two!! Men instigate it just as much as women, if not more! You must be a man who got cheated on, therefore all women are the ones who start it. Insane thinking!

written by MacG, 22 October, 2012

I can’t understand how so many people cheat. If I give my word, I keep it. I was married for 10 years and with her for 7 before that. I looked at plenty of other women. I went on lots of business trips, many with attractive co-workers. I had plenty of opportunities to cheat. In fact, after I first got married I was shocked at the extra attention I got from women who saw the ring as a challenge or something.
But as a human I have a conscience, something other animals lack. I have self respect. I keep my word. I enjoy using my penis as much as any guy. Hell, I love women. The female form is proof that there is a god. Still though I have never cheated on any woman and I never would.
And you know what? IT ISN’T HARD TO BE FAITHFUL! It isn’t about your partner or his/her shortcomings. If you cheat, whatever your excuses or rationalizations, it all comes down to you and you alone in the end.

written by Hessian, 22 October, 2012

@HubbaBubba, I’ve never been cheated on while I was in a committed relationship, I’ve been the other guy that these married women try to cheat with. I know men that cheat on their wives too and I have no respect for them either. Most of the women who cheat tell the guys they’re cheating with that they are single or they’re separated, and usually the guys that cheat do the same. I don’t know why people bother to get married if they lack the ability to stay with one person. Since it’s fuzzy for you I’ll try to make it clearer. I don’t like anyone that cheats on their spouse, man or a woman, but dating is a little more of a gray area since there is nothing in writing. Because I’m a man, what makes me sick more than anything are women who think that because their spouse isn’t giving them enough attention they get a free pass to go jump on someone else’s dick and it’s supposed to be a valid excuse. If men instigate cheating as much as women or more, why can’t women just say no and walk away? Is it really that hard to do?

written by Hessian, 23 October, 2012

@HubbaBubba, I was in a rush on the last post so I’m going to add a bit more. First off, I’m not angry at all of the women, I don’t know where you got that from. You either read one of my posts wrong and not the rest or you’re one of those people who sees what they want to see. Calling my way of thinking insane? My definition of insane thinking is a person that is committed to someone and then sneaks around having sex with other people while they give their loved one the illusion that everything is fine. Not only is that beyond wrong but then having the nerve to say that they really love their significant other even though they’re jumping into bed with other people and that their "lovers" meant nothing strikes me as pretty insane when they’re in a traditional committed marriage or relationship. If their fuck buddies meant nothing then why bother? Maybe there are some people that can separate sex and love but I’m not one of them and I don’t know of too many people that can. You talk about the men that the women are cheating with all being involved? If you mean that they too are cheating on their own spouses I think it’s a little of both single and married men that are sneaking around with married women and the same goes for the women who sneak around with married men. If you mean that they’re guilty by association that is not always true. Usually it is the person cheating doing the lying about not being married or saying that the relationship is over so the other person is comfortable with the situation. I do know some people who don’t care if the marriage of the person they’re having an affair with is on the rocks or not, I call them sociopaths. If you’re in a bad relationship either fix it or end it. If you want to be married and have sex with other people then make sure you and your partner are on the same page about it and have an open marriage. I know people who are in them and they work pretty well when everyone is honest about what’s going on. I think a lot of people who cheat do it for the excitement of doing something wrong or to escape day to day life so once they get into an open marriage where that kind of behavior is ok, sex with someone else isn’t as appealing as it was when it was a secret. Kind of like drinking beer before you’re of age. Once it’s legal to do it looses it’s excitement.

written by uhhh, 26 October, 2012

If you’re partner cheats on you, that’s it, there is no relationship. Cheating is just another way of saying that I don’t want you in my life anymore. There will never be a way to mend that. I don’t understand what sort of mindset some people have that they think that after cheating that there is anything. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve known them and the way they used to make you feel. If you want to have your dignity, leave. Really, and don’t go back when they start crying about "the way we were". Fuck them. Ignore them when they give the puppy eyes and coo their favorite song. They can be the nicest person in the world, but that doesn’t mean you should walk around with their territorial pissing on your soul for the rest of your life. Show them who is the more valuable human being. Some people have horrible parents who they rightfully never forgive. What makes you think that some stranger is going to be more trustworthy?
If you are stupid enough to help breed more untrustworthy people, then congratulations, you are just as much of a low life. Be kind to yourself, be proud of being a trustworthy person and leave the shit behind, no matter how long you’ve known them. Sorry, it’s the truth.

written by....., 30 October, 2012

F... Cheaters! They are not humans and shouldn’t be treated as such. They should be left alone and ignored. If ever taken back, it should only be briefly to some how make them suffer, but you shouldn’t even give the attention whores that.

written by agreed, 31 October, 2012

Disgusting how many cheater there are! Read my post as I have just been cheated on after dating the love of my life for three years and we have a 1 year old son. It is the most painful thing I have ever had to hear in my life and I feel absolutely helpless. My heart is in pieces and I am contemplating finding the guy.

For a month now I knew things were off. I honestly feel hollow inside right now and just wish I could make the hurt go away. Drinking, flings, and bullshit excuses as of why you made a mistake is complete garbage. You knew what you were doing and wanted it to happen. Your selfish and deserve to get used and treated like shit so you can feel the same pain.

written by Hessian, 01 November, 2012

@agreed, You can do whatever you choose with that guy when you find him but chances are he doesn’t even know you exist. The only thing finding him would solve is cluing him into the fact that you’re in the picture. Even if he did know about you, your girlfriend probably told him you’re broken up or about to if she told him anything at all. If he decided to break it off with her because you told him the truth she’d probably find someone else. Maybe spending time with friends or just by yourself to work things out in your head can help with your pain, my sympathies.

written by broke heart, 01 November, 2012

Before me and my husband got married we did the long distance thing for a long time. Lets just say I was lonely and spent too much time with someone I shouldnt of. My husband knows what happen but I cant tell him the whole truth because I know it would kill him inside. He knows there’s more but we rarely ever talk about it. When we do though he cries and lately I’ve been crying when I’m alone thinking about what I did and how horrible of a person I feel like. How could I do that to him? He loved me and has and will always be faithful. If I tell him the whole truth I feel like it would ruin us. What do I do?

written by Hessian, 02 November, 2012

@broke heart, I’m no expert, just offering my opinion. From the sound of it he already knows the whole truth and if he doesn’t it would probably be best for your relationship if you are completely honest with each other from here on out. Keeping it inside will just make the rest of your life with him miserable which will in turn make his life miserable. If you tell him everything, depending on how bad it is, you can either work it out or move on. From your post you say you weren’t married so that isn’t as bad as being married to him and cheating but if he leaves you it’s your own fault. Sooner or later it’s going to come out so you might as well save each other some time so you can start working towards healing yourselves.

written by Alex in Miami, 03 November, 2012

Never, ever hold another man accountable for f...ing your woman or wife! In the end that decision was completely hers. Your new found Eskimo Brother probably shed more truth and light about your woman then she ever would have.

written by Juliafuller, 05 November, 2012

@ Ice
Men cheat more? Nearly every post here about cheating once or multiple times on their partner is by a woman.

written by Mary C., 06 November, 2012

This is a very sad tangle of webs everyone has gotten themselves in here. Me included.

I guess I just wanted my cake, and to eat it too. I vowed I would never get caught, my husband would never find out, and we would move on. Me having had a meaningless fling, him none the wiser.

Unfortunately, I became pregnant, and my whole world came crashing down.

My loving caring understanding husband has been supportive and remained with me. Why, I don’t know. His behaviour only cements the fact that he is a good man, and I am a terrible person.

Everyday, the space between us, between good and bad gets bigger.

It’s going to destroy us, eventually.

written by Hessian, 07 November, 2012

@Alex in Miami, I think you can blame men for a cheating wife when the guy is persistent in his pursuit of a woman he knows is taken and is in a good relationship. The decision to cheat may have been hers in the end but the guy could say no at any time and deserves an ass whipping as much as she does.

written by Alex in Miami, 07 November, 2012

@Hessian, are you kidding? Put value only on what’s worth it! That’s the problem. They are given too much, too easy! The other man didn’t make a commitment. She did. It’s a matter of integrity. Hers! Or his if it’s a husband cheating on wife! They are cheaters! Even the interloper would be stupid to value and fall in love with them!

written by Repaired but still broken, 07 November, 2012

Since my wife cheated on me 1 yr ago, of course I broke down about it. 2 wrongs don’t make a right... I refrained from having any interaction with a member of the opposite sex until a few months after she moved out.....and moved in with the person she cheated with. I still love her, and I have forgiven her, but I can never put myself in that situation again. She knows I moved on....she knows I still have a place in my heart for her...but we can never be as we once were, unfortunately. The scary part about it is...we are still legally married....and she is pregnant with the other man’s child now. I held on as long as I could...still carrying on with how much I care and love her, but later that changed. The love has turned to a sour sadness, which will take years to get over...it doesn’t matter if I have a new girlfriend in my life to replace the emptiness. The process of repair takes years...not minutes, hours, days or weeks....but long grueling years of "Why did she do this in my own home where my son was present?!?!!".....it will eventually come to pass.

written by jeff480, 07 November, 2012

@Mary....if you know fire will burn you, why touch it? I imparted the same with my wife after she dug herself in deep with her guy friend whom she repeatedly let "Appreciate" her... I warned the gentleman several times, and now he has her pregnant as well. This is a lesson that is irreversible...learning from a mistake like this and the repercussions that follow. I hope the best for the child, and hope your husband follows through, no matter how bad it seems. You both need each other, and hopefully you both can overcome this. As for the child....legally he will be the father...if the other man comes forward and tries to claim the child, that is going to open a nasty legal can of worms. I hope the best for you.

written by asd, 08 November, 2012

Is it true, once a cheater always a cheater? Maybe if you do it more than once?

written by Hessian, 08 November, 2012

@Alex, what does the other man not making a commitment have to do with anything? If he knows that the girl is married and he still proceeds with a relationship or sex with her he deserves an ass whipping. Whether or not he gets one is up to the person that he disrespected by fucking his wife. If that person doesn’t want to go to court and or jail then he won’t get a beating even though he definitely deserves one. That’s the problem with this country, a lot of the laws protect the wrong people. There needs to be a law that either prosecutes these people or something on the civil side where these people pay for what they’ve done to their partners who’ve invested their lives in the other person. My wife is the reason I get out of bed everyday and go to a shitty job that I hate. I keep her picture with me and it reminds me why I’m here and it helps me fight through what ever problems I’m having. If she cheated on me with a guy who knew that we were married you better believe I’m going to take it out on both parties.

written by Alex in miami, 08 November, 2012

@Hessian, ok, and did you take it out on both sides? Or did you take her back while trying to offset the blame only on the guy? Wrong thought, one very easy to have while vulnerable with anger and pain. Believe me I know. I wish there was a better world out there, but there isn’t. There will always be interlopers out there testing the integrity of people and relationships. In the end it’s up to the commited to hold that integrity up. While you may not want to shake his hand, he has definately done you a favor by exposing that breakdown or flaw in her’s. If it’s not him it would have been someone else. Personaly, these days I would go for the handshake, I would also compare notes and proceed to mention how the ride is some what fun but that I’m done with it, then give him my blessings to enjoy. I would do this all with her present, then walk away. Be sure to clean the b.... up, for the next guy!

written by Hessian, 08 November, 2012

@Alex, "did you take it out on both sides? Or did you take her back while trying to offset the blame only on the guy? " I’ve never been cheated on by my wife, that I know of, so no I didn’t take it out on both sides nor did I have to take her back because there was no breakup. I know there are interlopers (as you put it) out there and I’ll fight for my wife and our relationship if any interlopers come sniffing around my door. ANY one that pursues a married person, man or woman, knowing that person is married deserves an ass whipping. That is my opinion and you can beg to differ all you want but I don’t know anyone, other than you, who would actually shake the hand of some douche that helped bring about the demise of their marriage unless they wanted out of it. I understand what you’re saying about integrity but my issue (with the other guys/girls who know that the person they’re messing around with is taken) is the lack of respect they show towards the person’s significant other. That’s why I think they are culpable. I like your way of handling the situation too and if put in that situation I might do something similar instead of doing time for assault but I’ll cross that bridge if and when I come to it.

written by Alex in Miami, 09 November, 2012

@Hessian, I’ll vote you up for that! I guess all I’m saying is it’s on her and whooping some guys ass after the fact is giving some broad way more credence than she deserves. It’s simple, guy approaches married woman, hi you look great! Woman: oh thank you but I’m married. Douche says but? Awesome woman says piss off! Same awesome woman would also give you fair amount of warning if something were going awry in the relationship that needed fixing. And the really great ones! Would never compromise themselves by cheating. They would
just leave, especially if they are the mother of your kids.

written by wretchofaman, 09 November, 2012

I’m a man in my own little lonely hell. I’m in a long breakup/makeup relationship with an emotionally abusive woman. I’m so depressed that I hardly do anything for my own behalf. The depression caused me to flunk out of college. I’m hoping to find a job, save some money, and move out.

She has extremely low self esteem and goes out of her way to cheat and rub it in my face. She has a 5-year-old supposedly from a bf who she said she was finished with, but kept seeing after we started dating. Of course, she never demanded or was offered any money to help with the kid, so I doubt that the off-and-on ex-bf actually is the father. She’s pregnant again, and I thought it could be mine. But the first time we talked about the pregnancy, she blurted out a conception date from when I was still away at college in another city. The ultrasound shows a gestational age that’s about 2-1/2 weeks later than that, but still a week too early to be mine. Her kid calls me "daddy" but the kid calls all men "daddy." Like last time, she tries to convince me that the unborn child is mine. It’s a real shame that she’s again carrying the kid of some man who she’s too embarrassed to admit fathered the child. But I’m just too emotionally shattered to take any more shock to my nerves. I have to leave just so I can recover.

She doesn’t admit it, but she seems to want me to stick around to do daddy duty for these other men’s kids. Other than that, when I just resign myself to her cheating, go totally passive, and stop fighting back, she seems to think I’m house husband material.

Sorry. I won’t castrate myself. I want a woman who will take only my semen and will bear only my children. She’s history as soon as I get my life going again.

written by Alex in miami, 10 November, 2012

@Wretchofaman, ”She is history as soon as I get get my life going.” Why wait? As men we should all be specialized at getting or having our shit together on our own. Stop ceding power!

written by Jim Chu, 14 November, 2012

Sex is just a natural "need" that all must have in order to survive our genes to the next generation! We all have it, so don’t feel bad or guilty when you "cheat"! Create an open and honest relationship with your partner, and allow each other to "cheat" occasionally. Share with each other your experience, and it will make your sex life even more exciting. Yes, we will feel the "hurt" initially, but that is something that we must learn to accept and express responsibly. Once the hurt is expressed completely, it will go away and won’t bother us any longer. Create and enjoy an open, honest and unconditional relationship, and you will be in heaven right away.

written by so not a cheater, 16 November, 2012

@ Jim Chu-- that gilt and hurt we feel when we cheat? That’s our conscience letting us know we’re doing something bad, you f*ing idiot. If we ignore our conscience, we’re virtually sociopaths.

And man’s ability to recognize and act on his conscience is what separates him from base animals.

written by Nicnacprice, 21 November, 2012

I found out my worst fears. My wife cheated on me. She started seeing another man after 3 months of being married seeing him for 3 months before I found out. She convinced me they were just friends then I found out she was cheating and had slept with him an that she was still carrying on the affair and had planned to sleep with him again. I’m hurting so much and I need help. We have discussed working through it but it is obvious that won’t happen. We never had an unhappy life. We had been together for 6 years before marrying and have a wonderful 3 year old. I did everything to make her happy and work hard for a happy family. After initially trying to upset me with hurtful comments she eventually admitted there is nothing I could have done to change things as what we had was perfect and she ruined it over a 3 month stupid affair that have her nothing but she had been taken in by the extra love she was receiving.

written by Hessian, 22 November, 2012

@Nicnac, are you the same Nicnac that posted before? If you are then I’m really sorry this happened to you. Ultimately it’s your decision but you need to kick her sorry ass to the curb. She obviously doesn’t respect you so why should you respect her or waste your time and money on her. Talk to a divorce lawyer and see what your options are before you proceed and make sure you document her cheating. Are you sure that your 3 year old is actually yours? Maybe a DNA test is in order too. Good luck.

written by Shaver, 23 November, 2012

When robot wives become cheap and affordable, cheating will be out of logic. Who wants to pass their healthy genes on anyway, we could procreate as a species by building better models.

...and save the rainforest by using recycled plastics

written by chichi2, 25 November, 2012

So I’m still infatuated with my ex after being broken up for a almost a year. I am so attracted to her that it’s crazy cause she put me through a lot of worrying and feelings of distrust. For instance, I remember she would always tell me that she dances for me like she does for nobody else, but then I caught her dancing at a club she didn’t think I was at with some stranger just the way she dances for me... She would always leave to go to concerts with her ex of 6 years (who have broken up for 3 years now but remain best friends fml) but swears to me that they are strictly friends, nothing more and that no monkey business takes place at these shows. I ask if I can come but the answer is always "I’m not in a position to invite anyone" b/c he buys the tix! Plus he hates me now cause I’m with her, well was... She tells me that I’m the only one she’s attracted to and that no one has heart like me. The thing is is that though all the things she does seem fucked up to me, I believe her EVERYTIME when she tells me I’m the only one. She texts me good morning and night like a ritual and as of last night she said she hasn’t seen anyone since we’ve broken up. So we banged and then she tells me she loves me, like 10 times. God! I was getting close to forgetting her but I can’t now! She doesn’t want any lines drawn or official statements made about us (like it’s always been) which makes me think she is just trying to keep me a secret so she can do whatever it is she does but there is a side of me that does truly sympathize with that bc I understand how expectations on a relationship, or anything for that matter, changes the genuine nature of it puts pressure on both parties in it. I know that I was anything but perfect in our relationship (I was late, forgetful, afraid to vent freely with her, untrusting, stubborn at times, dirty, kind of a pot head...) What the hell should I do? Lol Sorry it was so damn long, thanks!

written by FourHours, 25 November, 2012

Since I started dating until today, I have never had anyone, not a single woman, be completely faithful. Every single one of my girl fiends, my first wife and my current wife has had an extra experience with sex outside or on top of the time we have been together. I have quit being surprised.

written by biggess, 27 November, 2012

In 2008 I was in Iraq and bragged to a co-worker that I had been married happily for 30 years that month. When I came home I found an open email account where my wife laid out most of the feelings and what she had done physically and emotionally to support this bastard she was having an affair with. After much undercover work on my own I found she had been at least emotionally evolved with this bastard for the past ten years.
He lives on the West Coast and she traveled with her job so they would meet at locations around the country. He and his wife were friends we meet 20 years earlier in Germany.
I confronted her and she confessed. She was ashamed and did not want anyone else to know so as not to ruin his family or ours. After a while I forgave her, but did not trust her. And as she said "I am what I am"
Since then I had spot checked her email and phone records. By chance my suspensions were confirmed when I got an email from a hotel chain we use thanking her for staying in the town he lives in.
So after 35yrs of marriage I have accepted this affair. I have too much at stake and do not want to lower my sons view of his mother. My mother was the town whore and one of the reasons I left. For her faults my wife does not shove it my face and keeps it hidden.
Because of my mother she has always held that I would be the one to cheat. Not once did I come on to any woman even when they came on to me. I am happy to be true to myself. As I told her, she is human and not perfect. She feels she is helping this suicidal old fart feel good about himself and always has the heart for the lost soul.
She really was the last woman that I thought would cheat. But the perfect situation allowed her to feel she would not get caught.
So in conclusion, "All women are #$#$#, but don’t ask your dad." You can ask my dad and me. I will not be so quick to turn down any advances in the future. I assume this is more the European view and not the Puritan American view.
Thanks for this forum. I only confided in one friend after the initial crush of 2008. This helps me get this off my chest.

written by Hessian, 29 November, 2012

@biggess, you should find yourself a girlfriend so that your wife knows how it feels to be on the other side of cheating. When she finds out about it you can just tell her she was suicidal and you were helping her feel good about herself. People just don’t seem to understand the concept of honor and loyalty anymore, especially women. Wtf?

written by Jerry87, 30 November, 2012

If you ever cheat on your husband or wife, you can’t tell them. Telling them is extremely selfish, as it only alleviates the guilt you have over it. By telling them, you are just going to embarrass them and destroy their self-worth. What you need to do, though, and I know this is hard, is end the relationship. Come up with some other reason why you are ending the relationship, but the relationship can never be the same. You would be racked with guilt for the rest of your years, or your partner will forever be distrustful. Either way, it is torturous to stay in a relationship like that. Exception: if you have kids, you have to just swallow your guilt and make it work for them, or your partner who has been with you for years.

written by so very true, 30 November, 2012

so many women today just can’t seem to stay with only one man anymore, and wind up cheating. when you compare the women of today to the women years ago, they were certainly committed to their men.

written by biggess, 30 November, 2012

@Hessian, doing one better. I told her I had the hots for her younger sister since high school. I have been hitting on her sister lately so she will tell my wife. When she confronts me about this I will slam her with the truth.
I don’t have the time or effort to mess with someone else.
Don’t need the high drama BS.

written by Life is a ride, 02 December, 2012

Lying is worse than the cheating. Everyone wants something new & exiting, no surprise about the number of flings, and it’s not difficult to find that. Everyone wants someone who’ll be there for your worst moments, someone you can tell anything to, someone you can share your life with. That sort of trust and respect takes constant work.

So you had a quick fling in the heat of the moment for a bit of excitement, and you really love your partner and now it’s eating you. If they pay any attention to you they’re probably going to notice something is a bit off... so you deny it all and that trust starts getting eaten away because they can sense there’s a secret. Secrets have a habit of coming out, eventually.

So you tell them instead; and then you get to find out what they think is more important. Nobody really likes it when their partner pays attention to someone else ( without them being involved somehow, anyway ), but if it’s that big a relationship they’re more worried that you’re going to leave & that you don’t care about them anymore. That’s how you pay for any infidelity, putting in the work to mend the relationship & show who you care about, not sitting around feeling bad & letting the guilt kill it instead.

If you’ve got to the point of having an affair, then you might want to look at why you’re having an affair, if you care at all about your real partner ( and put it this way, someone who goes into a relationship with someone who’s already in a relationship isn’t likely to stick around... they already *know* not to trust you from the start – they’re not a life partner ). You cared about this person enough to stick around with them all this time, do you not care enough to give them some closure instead of dragging them through a pile of shit?

Sex is just sex; plenty of people swap partners and so on *knowingly* so if you want to try something different, try setting it up without hiding it first. Partnerships take so much more, do you really want to throw that out for a few orgasms & a little excitement when you can probably get that *anyway*? you think your partner is boring? well hey maybe they’re fed up with you being boring. Don’t drop hints, go smash their expectations.

written by Serious Jay, 03 December, 2012

it is very sad that there are so many cheating women out there now than ever before, and they just can’t seem to be with only one man anymore. i never realized that there were so many loser women now, and it certainly does make it much more harder for us serious men looking to meet a good one today. i am one of so many men that can be a one woman man, and at the time when i was married i was. she was the one that cheated, and i was a very good husband. it seems that women just can’t be happy these days, especially when they go out and try to act like they are all that. when you compare the women of years ago to today, they were certainly much more educated. i say bring back the women like we had years ago, and the women of today we have no use for them.

written by shaggy, 03 December, 2012

I say tell the truth because if not and your found out it makes it way worse and if you tell the truth and express on what you did was wrong you can gain that persons respect for being honest and you can work from there if you just keep it to yourself your a selfish person who only thinks of them self regardless if you don’t want to hurt the other person when your in a relationship its about both of you be honest if these people love you they way thay say they do they won’t leave but stay and see you were honest that’s the first step to not completely losing all trust in you think about it

written by Maryam’s bf, 03 December, 2012

Nohopeperforme, is that your username? Oh god I’m very sorry, I have some one going through the same thing.

written by Ben says, 05 December, 2012

i never realized that there are so many LOSER women out there today, and they just can’t seem to be committed to just only one man instead. you women must have come from a family of CHEATERS, and this is the reason why you women are so VERY BADLY messed up now.

written by JackOfAllTrades, 05 December, 2012

I was with this girl for almost 5 years.
We had good times,bad times i though we are happy. I was going to marry her. Then she went aboard for studies, i felt she is not giving me attention and i felt lonely. Then i found out she is cheating on me with that other guy and it seems like they in love. I accepted that i wasn’t perfect, i told i do my best , i change i become more better. We talked and it seemed alright. But then i found out same evening when she broke up with this guy they had sex again. I felt totally broken, that was out of my logic. I was parting for 2 months, other girls seemed to appreciate me for whom i am and what i do. One time i got so drunk and wrote her a letter, i think it hurt her, i was telling what i was feeling. After that i apologized, she said she has some feelings toward me and that other guy too, and that its hard for her to be alone so she is now with that other guy, but she doesn’t know whom to choose. I told her "Darling, after 5 years of relationship you don’t know whom to choose? You have clearly made you mind already". So i made a choice for us both and told her we can be only friends, nothing more. She didn’t seem to be happy. At some point it was hell to loose person that meant more than life. But her i’m sprinting, doing sport ( Getting back in to shape, feeling so happy about that), and dreaming again. But that drama was the worst i felt, considering my father cheated on my mother and i had to grow without father. What was on that girls mind i wont ever understand, i hardly believe she does know either.
I’m afraid some people just don’t understand what they are and where are they going. I gave myself couple years, to become someone everyone would be jealous, i guess that’s my payback yo my fate Might not be righteous goal, but at least i have now a goal i’m working hard toward it.

written by Litgirl, 09 December, 2012

I have been married for almost 22 years and never cheated but I have been severely tempted at times because of the attention and kindness of other men. Marriage is really hard work so I really understand the desire or the decision to cheat. I say that because I would hate to sound self-righteous or better than any of you. It is literally only by the grace of God that I have remained faithful.

I grieve for the many of you that have experienced so much brokenness. Please, let me remind you that there is a God who truly forgives and will never leave or forsake you. Men and women are so disappointing and unfaithful; God is not. Look at the book of John chapter 8 in the New Testament of the Bible to see how compassionate Jesus acts with a woman caught in adultery. That is where your hope lies.

written by Lesigh, 18 December, 2012

I’ve been with my significant other for 3.5 years. We have a one year old daughter together. Within the last year of our relationship he was flirting with girls, meeting new girls, making out and had sex with two girls throughout our relationship. Although we haven’t been together its one of those we are but we are not type of scenarios. He made me feel like we were and hid everything from me. I knew something wasn’t right and hes been very distant. He’s very vague, hardly any affection, uninterested. I’ve been very vocal about my feelings and what is going on with the relationship, I would get no response when the convo is being brought up.

Even though he cheated I felt like I was still trying hard to make the relationship work, even though he said he wants to be with me and didn’t make an effort for me to gain trust.
I messed up and I slept with someone else, I thought it would distract me from the pain I’m feeling in this relationship but it made it worse.

I told him about it one-two days after.

Now he said he doesn’t feel the same about me anymore, its a double standard thing, he only looks at me as his child’s mother, and he can’t be intimate etc. Especially because I kept preaching about being better than that, and wanting to focus on our relationship and our daughter. And I went and did that.

It sucks because I stood there for everything, and I allowed myself to let him shove his skeletons in my closet, which is my mistake. I want to work things out with him I don’t know where to start or how I should approach the situation.

He responds to my text messages, but he comes off as if he is only doing it because of our daughter.

written by JackOfAllTrades, 18 December, 2012

Well i understood i love my ex-gf. I believe people can change. But what ever i be with her or not i don’t know. Accepting my own feelings helped me to get better and i started to perfect myself. I always worshiped woman i was in love with, prepared to do anything, but in fact i never cared for my look i was like a beast from fairy tails. I believe it’s all my fault, that things went bad, i didn’t gave her attention and lost within every day, it became common that shes around and she felt different. The only regret i have toward my girl, is that she never had strength to talk to me. Now i’m different, something broke inside and what’s more i don’t want it to be fixed. I’m so curious of this life and the person i will meet and fall in love next time. I think i needed a kick, the betrayer of beloved was more than i needed, i wished to die from broken heart, i guess some part of me did. But at least i know i can be much more greater and i’m in the process to that i thank you to my ex-gf.

written by Hessian, 19 December, 2012

@Lesigh, you deserve better.

written by Coach48, 22 December, 2012

Let me tell you how I got to this post. Me and my girlfriend got sick and I asked to use my moms phone to txt my girl. She has been married for like 24 years and I saw texts to this asshole about how they wanted to have sex and all this dirty shit and finally I jumped out of the car and just walked in the street without shoes and the par that hurts me the most is that even though I had bad asthma she didn’t even come to At least say she was sorry. She had to call him and tell him to not call back before she even came looking for me. And when I first told her I saw those messages she didn’t even say sorry she just said I shouldn’t of gone through her messages. I told my dad and it was the first time I cried in over 3 years and when I told my girlfriend and her and my grandma came and picked me up and I stayed there for most of the day and when I got home I told my little brother what happened and he started crying. The next day I threatened to beat the son of a bitch up even though I’m only 16 and he’s 37. It’s been 5 months since then and my mom has thrown me a surprise birthday party and has tried to get me to talk to her again but I just can’t do it! I’ve barely talked to her since then. The point of this whole thing is IT DOESN’T MATTER IF YOUR A GIRL OR GUY OR WHAT EXCUSE YOU HAVE CHEATING CAN ONLY CAUSE PAIN AND HURT AND IT BRAKES FAMILIES! I know it’s broken mine. And please if you did cheat, please tell your victim. He/she deserves to know.

written by Cathy24, 23 December, 2012

Hi everyone I would like some fresh eyes on this situation I’m in.
I have been with my boyfriend, on and off for almost 4 years. He had come out from rehab at age 20-21 because of alcohol and drug abuse. I didn’t know him before and he told me the truth about it all and we continued on as fresh new relationships do. He asked me to marry him a year into the relationship and we spent alot of time together w his family doing all couple and family related things. Then...I met a guy at a party I went to and had him as a friend. He is a Christian and we were friends just talking and he was in interested in me. I chatted with him and told my boyfriend I had met a friend at the party – when he actually took my phone and saw the messages he saw that I would chat with him bout random things (not relationship things) he got jealous and treated me like I had slept with the guy (which I never did – guy wasn’t my type at all eww) he went back to smoking and treating me like I had done the worst thing in life towards him and was the bad guy. So now I’m stuck in this messed up relationship because he forever threatens to make my life impossible if I leave him. He has left me in the dark with his life since then and I am sure he has talked to other girls and has been involved in the nastiest things but....am I forever stuck here because I know I can move on but find the lift to guide me there?

written by SAL SAYS, 24 December, 2012

i am a straight man that was married at one time until she cheated on me, and there seems to be so many women that certainly do cheat more than us men do. a good honest down to earth woman is a rare find nowadays, and i do meet many of the very nasty ones myself. i am one of many men that really hates going out as it is, because so many women are really hard to start a normal conversation with. they don’t have any single dances like they use to have at one time, which would have been a lot easier instead of going to the clubs on the weekends like i do. being single and alone for me certainly sucks, especially that most of my friends are settled down. since i live by myself, i will go out every single night just to make sure i get out of the house since it is much better being home alone. i just hope that i can be at the right place at the right time to meet a good woman again, it would be like hitting the lottery for me.

written by Experienced, 24 December, 2012

Before considering staying with your cheating wife, realize that your life will never be the same. A relationship damaged by cheating is a lot like a wrecked car. Sure it can be fixed and with enough money and effort it may even look OK. For a damaged relationship this means a lot of pain and a lot of expensive therapy. And guess what, it goes on for decades.
My wife cheated on me three times, 4-6 months every times, and that was 30 years ago. She cheated while we were dating, then when we were living together, and finally, when we had a kid, and she had an affair with my best friend. After that, believe me, you don’t trust anybody anymore. Cheating is cruel. For every one hour of her fucking, will take a year of your life (at least) to get over.
So why didn’t I leave? Well, thanks to wonderful therapy, you are more or less convinced that somehow your flaws caused it. Then again, 30 years ago, things were different, there was free love, and all that b.s. So somehow it gets buried. For me the pain came out of the grave one year ago, and it is all like it happened yesterday. Incredible how your brain will let you remember those things in minute detail, while you only vaguely remember the good things.
So, my simple advice is this: for all of the women out there thinking that somehow they are justified in cheating, why don’t you just hire a thug and break your man’s arms and legs so he can spend a couple of months in the hospital. It is far less painful.
If your man is not able to leave you, then you should leave him. In the end he will have to suffer and you will get tired of him not “forgiving” you. But guess what. It is not about forgiving. What you did is to destroy the magical spell, that made him believe that he is the only one. You made him see the harsh reality that he is not special. For him it is like Santa Clause. Once he knows Santa is not real, he knows ig for life, and nothing can change it.
I am sorry to be so pessimistic, but I am speaking from experience.
So all of you guys out there, for your own peace of mind… leave. And it is true… once a cheater (and get away with it) always a cheater.

written by christina T, 25 December, 2012

I think all women should cheat, I do it. I could care less what a man think. All men cheat and that’s a given. As long as he don’t know its ok.

written by Sal Says, 26 December, 2012

to Christina, it is women like you that we really don’t need. we really want much more educated women.

written by JackOfAllTrades, 26 December, 2012

I have to say one thing. What do you thing you deserve? What are you ? Is it fine with you ? I know i’m prepared for loneliness. Love is something i wish to avoid. I will try to be the best of me. I won’t search for love anymore, this is my response to God will and i will fight till the end. It doesn’t matter for me how deep i will fall. How many people betray me. I will wait deep in my heart for love. And you know why? Because one day i will die, sooner or later,and everything is that matter is who will miss me. And at least for a bit i wan;t to be missed,i want to be loved.

written by Rob Says, 05 January, 2013

It is very sad nowadays that there are so many very unfaithful women, and years ago many women were faithful to their men.

written by Serious Steve, 13 January, 2013

i am a straight man that was married at one time, and i was a very caring and loving husband until she cheated on me. there are just too many unfaithful women out there nowadays, and it is very hard for a woman to be committed to just only one man anymore like they were years ago. i was certainly the one woman man at the time knowing what i had at home and did not have to go out looking for it anymore. women without a doubt do cheat much more than men do, and now trying to find a real good honest one is very hard again for me. i can’t blame myself, since i did not do anything wrong. it is very sad that women are so very badly messed up today, and can’t be like the real good women that many of them were back then. women have become so very nasty to talk too, and with the attitude problem that they have makes it worse.

written by Another One, 13 January, 2013

Married eleven years. Wife has been having an affair for the past two. We separated for a while but then got back together to try to work things out. Things aren’t working out. I was a good man to her. Of course there were normal problems but overall I treated her well. She has severe emotional problems and I was very patient and caring. She fell in love with a man ten years younger, a family friend. Now, she blames me for the marriage troubles. And she treats me as if I were the one having the affair. She says I deserve the way she treats me. The pain, anger and sadness are beyond belief. And the confusion. I was raised in a very tight family and taught to stick with your spouse and do the best you can to be understanding. This I did. Then this happened. It’s like trying to understand that two and two isn’t four. It’s five.

For all of you, I recommend reading Michelle Langley’s book "Women’s Infidelity." It won’t you help you get through the pain but it will help you understand why your wife has done this. It doesn’t excuse, but explains. Basically her equation is:

Typical married life boredom+
Women’s changing role in society+
Unrealistic and idealistic beliefs about women and wives +
Women’s tendency to not communicate with men as well as they think they do+
Female sex drive and hormones =
Affair

Then because of the above, the woman blames the man and is unable to think clearly about what she is doing because she feels she’s found her soulmate. In most cases, the cheating wife will NEVER come back. In many cases, she later regrets everything after the new relationship falls apart or settles into something like a normal relationship and not a new and exciting one.

This is exactly what happened to me.

written by Hessian, 21 January, 2013

@another one, you deserve better. Your equation from Michelle Langley pretty much sums it up. A lot of women, especially American women, these days have unrealistic ideas about marriage and relationships. They think their lives should resemble a tv character’s or some celebrity. They expect men to be mind readers and sensitive to all of their problems but when the shoe is on the other foot they couldn’t care less. They also think that all men are pigs, which most aren’t, and that gives them an excuse to be pigs themselves. If prostitution is ever legalized they’ll be in trouble.

written by circlecircle, 29 January, 2013

My girlfriend of 3 years told me yesterday that she was unfaithful about 7 months ago. Not penetration, but mutual masturbation.

It hurt me so much to see her so distressed as she told me that I quite easily put away my shock and instead told her that she should not be so hard on herself and to be careful not to let it become something bigger than it really is. I also told her that she should not have told me, that she should have dealt with the reasons and the guilt herself, and live with the intention of never behaving in such a destructive way again.

Today I am beginning to realise just how very shocked and hurt I am. All the cliches apply; I want to leave her but I don’t see why I should have to go through mourning all that I will miss about her, I wonder if I’ll ever trust her again, I want to confront the man and tell him how much he hurt me; I’ve never beaten anyone out of such a sadness but I want him to experience the same pain. I’m fighting not to let my imagination conjure up images of them together.

I’m drawn to those who have written that life is short and it’s best to leave her and regain your equilibrium. I particularly like enad’s words "Find another partner, start fresh and be faithful. Life is tough enough as it is." This sounds so healthy and positive when my head is so full of sadness.

written by circlecircle, 30 January, 2013

(continuing from my previous post)
I’m grateful for this site, and this morning I have decided to end the relationship this afternoon. Packing away her belongings to return to her was hard for a moment. I so rarely have tears well up other than while watching plays or films, but there they were, and I felt choked as I saw a life ahead without her in my life.

I am keen to do this quickly and without drama so that the emphasis can remain on healing my feeling of being broken. I wrote the customary 10 page letter to read to her with all my feelings explained, but I can now sum it up in the following way;

We had a relationship of love, trust, incredible care and support, and we both stretched it in all sorts of directions as we grew together. We were careful with it and when it looked too stretched we relaxed the tension carefully and it always recovered, perhaps more flexible than before. For reasons that fill songs and poems and now web pages, infidelity doesn’t stretch, it breaks. This is why I am ending the relationship.
The break is shocking and I need to recover. A stretched muscle or a bruised or fractured bone can be massaged and rested, and then we are encouraged to walk on it to keep it supple and healthy. A torn muscle, a broken bone needs to be treated completely differently. Ignore it’s need to be relieved of all weight and it will never heal properly or be as strong and functional as before. It needs to stop being a leg or an arm and then allowed to heal completely.

I know a relationship and its love and trust is not a femur but that’s as close a metaphor as I can manage at the moment. When it comes to seeing her this afternoon I might even be able to edit this down even more and make the break even quicker and less painful.

I hope this helps someone to decide what’s right for them as much as the previous posts have helped me.
Thanks everyone, I couldn’t have got this far so quickly without you.

written by experienced, 10 February, 2013

Hi circlecircle
I read your comments and I really know how terribly difficult your decision was. Actually I thought, "just one night and not penetration and he bailed..." but then again, you are right. Why suffer years of agony and knowing you are not the only one. I had to deal with hundreds of episodes, with "penetration". And now, I have to "look at myself" and understand that I am suffering because of issues with my father. Go figure.
Good luck to you, and you did the right thing.
Expericenced

written by JohnDoe2194821, 13 February, 2013

After reading some of these cheating stories, I have concluded that many women (and men) are straight up screwed up in the head and need to realize that once you make the commitment to become part of a relationship, you BECOME PART OF IT! If you CHEAT, TELL IT TO YOUR PARTNER! FAR OUT!

written by circlecircle, 19 February, 2013

(continuing from my previous post)

Hello again,

It’s now three weeks since my girlfriend told me that she had been with another man and I ended the 3 year relationship.

I have been through dreadful days and nights wishing she hadn’t been unfaithful, wishing it was a bad dream, wishing I could imagine trusting her again.

We’ve both taken a good look at what our relationship was and what we did and didn’t do for each other in it. Our conversations were certainly difficult, but we were both as keen as each other to answer each others questions honestly and find a way through this.

She has been determined to keep our relationship going. I had moments of believing it might be possible to continue with her, but these were tiny moments and are far out weighed by my confidence that we have had our time, the magic has been broken and it’s time to lick our wounds and move on.

Somehow we have managed to get through this without hating each other. I don’t hate her, I have worked hard to avoid letting her actions affect me too much, keeping my self esteem intact. I just see her as someone who behaves differently to me. She has learned how much she has hurt me and understands why I wouldn’t want to be with her.

We invested a great deal into our relationship, but all is not lost. We both have a great deal to be thankful for, thanks to each other and to our blessed lives. As tragic as it is to break up, we have benefited hugely from keeping an eye on the bigger picture while we went through the last three agonizing weeks.

I’ll also add that I was very careful about who I told about her infidelity. I believe that my girlfriend is genuinely remorseful for what she did and wishes to do all she can to never let this happen again. She has told some of her family and friends what she has done, and that is her choice. I have chosen not to tell any of my family or friends who know her what she has done. There is enough misplaced, ill informed gossip and judgement in the world thanks to our obsessed press and media. Instead, I carefully chose one person to tell, someone I trusted to be a levelheaded soundboard, confidant and adviser. Our conversations have helped me greatly.

We’ve both got a way to go before we stop aching, but we’ll get there. We are friendly now, and we can only wonder at whether we will stay friends for long after the dust has really settled.

Good luck everyone!

written by JimmyBSays, 01 March, 2013

women cheat because they just can’t stay with just one man anymore, and they are such losers anyway.