Past Comments – Why Men Cheat

Comments (82)

written by Joseph Pereida, 26 April, 2012
smilies/sad.gif It is sad to know that cheating is a part of being human, and to know that there is always a chance for it to happen.
written by -.-, 02 May, 2012
I never understand when men say "I’m sorry i cheated I did not know what i had...." like really how did you not know when it was right in front of you everyday saying "I love you more than anything"
written by Responder, 03 May, 2012
@"never understand" – Let me help explain this a bit. Human beings are naturally afflicted "repetitive numbing" – that is, the more you are exposed to a certain environment, or action, the more you become "used" to it. Then when you are removed from that environment, condition, or action, your "sensitivity" to it recovers. When people are monogamous, co-habitate, or otherwise spend their emotional needs only on each other, they can have a tendency to not be able to "see the forest for the trees". You get "used" to your surroundings, and they have a diminished effect on you.

Example: Let’s say your favorite food is Pizza – you LOVE pizza! Feels like you could eat it every day. Then you get a job at Pizza Hut...and you’re exposed to pizza every day...all day...continuously. After a while, you’re so sick of smelling pizza, working with pizza, eating pizza, and otherwise dealing with pizza..it now feels like even a stalk of asparagus would taste awesome! Any change at all would be welcome! Then – you quit working at Pizza Hut, and satisfy that "need" to be away from pizza (the thing you aforementioned love before!). After a while, your desire for pizza returns, and you wonder how you ever even felt like you couldn’t stand it?

People are the same – substantially. Ever have a room-mate that you DIDN’T get sick of at some point? While it may sound cruel, that long term, repetitive exposure to another person can make you "numb" to what you have in front of you. Only by retreating from the forest, can you "see" what you had. So that "I didn’t know what I had" if very very true. In general, a hunger satisfied, is a hunger no more.

written by victim of infedelity, 28 May, 2012
That doesn’t make it okay. And I absolutely HATE the excuse "I don’t know why I did it"... UGH! Yes you do! Because you could! My husband had an affair 7 months ago and we’ve been trying to work it out.. but I CANNOT get over it no matter what I do!
written by ____!____, 02 June, 2012
I’m sorry to hear your husband cheated on you! It is awful!! My boyfriend is seeing someone and besides me too and I just don’t know how to confront him! I know it is true and I really should just kick him out.
Once a cheater, always a cheater?? I do not think you can blame the genes or whatever we have inherited – if a person is fully conscious he or she wouldn’t cheat!! I think it’s a matter of upbringing
written by why!, 09 June, 2012
my husband continuously cheat on me and expect me to forgive him every time! Doesn’t he has a conscious? he has hurt us so many times and i had enough of it. he is a cheater and will always be one!
written by Lilmushroom20, 13 June, 2012
My boyfriend just cheated on me with 3 different girls and he sits here and says the same thing I don’t know why I did it blah blah blah bullshit! I took him back which I still don’t know if I should have or not because all I can think about his him having three sums and just fucking other girls like its nothing but he says he’s I’m the only one he wants to get married to and have kids with but I feel if I let this keep going on and everything’s All good he’s just gonna do it again! But then again I know how it feels to cheat on someone as well and it hurts just as bad, so when I started this relationship 3 years ago I told myself I’d never do that again cuz of the hurt I felt when I cheated on my ex. So I’ve been with my boyfriend now for 3 years and never cheated once, but he did.. And I can’t get over it I just picture him with another girl and all I wanna do is cry he tells me I’ll never hurt your heart again and its so hard to believe him what the hell do I dosmilies/sad.gif
written by Someone who is working it out, 17 June, 2012
My partner cheated on me and I caught him. He has cried and asked for forgiveness and wants to be with me. I have said he has to go to a counselor and work on his self esteem and work on his issues not our issues. I believe this act is a symptom of a bigger problem that should be dealt with particularly if you want to stay together. It will repeat unless the original problem is addressed. If he goes to the sessions and works on his problem we may make it back and even Have a better relationship for me standing by him during his time of need.
written by Someone who lost trust, 18 June, 2012
My husband had been planning on going on a Saturday trip to the lake. He never mentioned of going with someone else. He had to help someone move that day and so he decided to go help at 5am to still make it to the lake. He got home at noon and was such in a hurry to leave when all of a sudden, my 10 year old son decided he wanted to go. He took him with him. When they got back that night. My husband was still outside and he was so excited to tell me how fun it was and they weren’t alone. There was a woman and her son waiting for them. The whole time they were all together like a little family playing with the seadoos. So, I confronted my husband and he started telling me about mentioning it to me that he has told me before that I can”t hardly recall. I told him about going to a place with nobody else knowing you and spending time with a woman and her son does not look right. He doesn’t see anything wrong with that. And, he told me that they weren’t alone. Her brother in law and sister with their kids were all with her and they also have a boat. So, I had the impression that they were all together for all those 7 hours. And I dropped it. The next morning, I was talking to my son, and asked him about these new people that he met. He looked at me so confused. He said there was nobody there but this woman and her son. I asked him what they did when they couldn’t go coz it was lightning. He told me that he played with the other kid and didn’t know where my husband was. And he also told me that the boy doesn’t have a Dad as well. So, that build me up more reasons to not trust what my husband told me. He lied about having other people around them, and not mentioning to me he is meeting with some people. Also, to let me know that it’s not wrong to hang out with a single woman and her child. Thank God my son went with him or else I wouldn’t find out. It took him awhile to even apologize when he saw me break down and cry one day. That’s when he said sorry and that he loves me. But he cannot argue the fact that he was with another woman in an isolated place where no one knows him. I am not sure what to do here! I feel like I need to leave him coz I am one of those who has a hard time rebuilding trust when all is gone.
written by Blown Away!, 19 June, 2012
After 19 years of marriage, 4 kids, one severely autistic, my wife, who told me on Valentine’s day that I was the love of her life, left me two months later for another man because she did not wanted to be "in a loveless marriage". I cannot understand her reasoning behind her cheating. I tried to fix things, so we went to marriage counseling. after we were done with the first visit, she said to me " why are we here, we are not unhappy like other couples, and we do not look as angry and unhappy as the other couples".
Little did I know that her phone was going off with multiple texts from her new friend while we were in the counseling session. Our relationship was not perfect and I would never claim to be a perfect husband. I should have made a strong effort to spend more time with my wife away from our daily stress, and the stress of our son’s disability took a toll on both of us. but I know that even after 19 years I told my wife that I missed her when I called her from work. I strongly believe in my vows of " for better or for worst" but it seems that it is now more socially acceptable to walk away from a marriage than to do whatever it takes to make it work. My kids are sad, but are dealing with this change as best as they can. I cannot forgive her for the pain that she is creating for my kids. I cannot understand how she can be so selfish as to not see that a decision like this has ripples that extend beyond your immediate family. now, in her own twisted logic, she wants us to tell the kids that we made a mutual decision to split up and that we should be best friends. We should go out with our kids like we would if were together, but at the end of the day we should all say goodbye and go to our perspective homes. is it me that is wrong in seeing this as "normal", or should I lie to my kids and tell them that it was a mutual decision as well as play the part time family role?
I think not. What message will I give to my 3 daughters, that it is OK to have this happen to them and to accept a cheating spouse’s terms to cover up their deceit? I think not. I’m just sorry for my kids, but the truth should not be hidden from them.
I cannot forgive a cheating spouse and I am moving on.
written by Faithful wife, 20 June, 2012
I caught my husband cheating on me. I saw pictures of him kissing another girl. I confronted him and asked him why he did that. He said he just wanted to prove something to himself. I thought of leaving him, but i couldn’t imagine my life without him. I am afraid that it is more painful to be on my own. He begged me to stay and promised not to cheat on me nor hide anything from me again. But I still agree to most of the people here, it is so hard to rebuild the trust that once was broken.
written by Yes I Cheated., 24 June, 2012
I cheated on my wife. I cheated on my wife because I was constantly told I wasn’t good enough. I made over $300,000 per annum but that wasn’t good enough for her. Having a nanny and two live in maids simply didn’t cut it. Then came a woman who told me how wonderful and compassionate I am. The only reason why I didn’t marry her is for my children. My point: I despise the fact that women are justified to behave in any way they see fit so long as they are "loyal". Loyalty means a heck of a lot more than not having sex with others so please cut the BS.
written by Yes I Cheated., 24 June, 2012
To Blown Away:
You’re better off without her. But there may be other aspects besides your wife leaving that are making your children sad. It’s easy to be the ‘victim’ in your situation, but ask yourself if being the ‘victim’ helps your kids become happier. It’s like losing a job. You can whine all you want about your boss who ‘let you go’ but that doesn’t put the food on the table. Don’t take this as a lecture – as I’m writing this it’s almost as if these words are something I need to heed to. I wish you the best of luck, and may God be with you and your children.
written by AdvicePlZ, 01 July, 2012
My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years. I gave him all of my trust and never put him down only built him up and I found out this year that he had been cheating our entire relationship. He wooed me back and things went well at first. I felt like I was able to trust him and maybe we could just keep moving forward. My aunt was recently transferred to hospice and I have been having a rough time. He doesn’t call and is always with his friend and his friends aunt drinking when I need him the most. I can’t help but feel as though I may be being played again despite the upswing. Last night he took me out for the first time in months and when we got back to his place I was practically nude and he didn’t even make a move. We haven’t had sex in weeks ( not my decision). I could really use some advice.
written by BeenThere99, 05 July, 2012
Cheating? Choosing not to cheat is simply a matter of self restraint because you love and respect your partner. That’s what you do when you truly love someone. Once you betray your life-mate and destroy TRUST or the sacred bond between you, you cannot get it back. Once you cannot trust your mate, the marriage, the partnership, is over. If you are not finished hopping in the sack with whoever, whenever...then don’t get married!
written by Yawpa, 05 July, 2012
I am very often amazed to read about cheating in relationships, and how hurtful and damaging it is. Let’s take a moment to ponder this. We live in a society that gives that tells us it is okay to sleep with as many women as possible, and for the women to sleep with as many men as possible when single. After all the experience with numerous sexual partners, then comes the suggestion that once you’ve deceived someone into marriage, then both of you should be loyal and faithful to each other. How is that possible when each partner has had numerous sexual partners in the past to compare their current relationships with; and where the current partner seems to be lacking it’s just a case of stepping out and there will be numerous offers out there. i personally think marriage these days is a complete farce. I don’t really get the reasoning behind wanting individuals with extensive sexual experiences from the past to remain faithful to a single partner in marriage. Let’s probably rethink marriage in this day and age.
written by Why is it accepted?, 10 July, 2012
@Yes I cheated
Why not have the courage to get out of the relationship before cheating? Why is it justified and accepted that because we do not receive the same love from our partners that its ok to say I was ok to cheat. Facing difficult decisions is never easy for anyone especially in relationships. But I would much rather have my partner come to me and say I’m not happy, this is not what I want and it’s done. Yes horribly painful to hear but it’s about having a level of respect for each other. I just can’t seem to understand why it’s all socially accepted. There are tons of websites out there for married/in relationship people to have "discreet" encounters. Why because there is obviously a demand for it. Just have the darn courage to face your partner and admit your troubles or issues so you can address them to save the relationship or go your separate ways. Why do we people make things so much more complex than necessary?
written by vvjj, 20 July, 2012
Why not just end a relationship instead of cheat? If your not happy or desire others why string someone along and hurt them??
written by Need some serious advice, 22 July, 2012
My husband of 18 years started corresponding with his ex and kept it hidden from me for the last 11/2 years. When I found out, I confronted him. He initially reacted very aggressively saying that I hurt him by not trusting him. But,after a few weeks, when I showed him evidence(which I got by tracking all his emails,etc), he accepted that he had made the mistake of continuing contact with her and that it was a big mistake. I am more upset that he lied to me and that he hid this from me rather than the fact that he re-connected with her. I also come to know that they have been talking to each other regularly. I am terribly hurt by his action of not telling me and I feel like I was cheated in our relationship. I cried a lot and don’t know if I can ever trust him again. I have 2 lovely kids and I feel that I should stay in this relationship because of them. My husband keeps telling me that he was afraid to tell me (BS)and that he will be open with me in the future ???? Choosing not to cheat is simply a matter of self restraint because you love and respect your partner – this is something I believe in strongly... Any advice on how to move forward... I keep dwelling on the fact that I was in the dark for so long and imagining what went on behind my back...
written by mitra, 22 July, 2012
hi i’m talking to Lilmushroom20, i have a question? so wt if he says he want to marry u? or have a kid? wt u will get at the end!!? a cheater husband with 1 or 2 innocent kids !? kindly think with your mind not with your feeling

written by Not so black and white, 25 July, 2012
I don’t agree that love and sex are the same thing. I hate hearing people say "if he loved me he would never have cheated," or "if he loved me he would no longer be attracted to other women." The whole point of many of the articles on here is that monogamy is not a natural relationship for us until the last couple centuries and that you can love someone, be attached to them, but not have the passion that was there when the relationship started.
I’m not advocating for cheating, but cheating in and of itself does not mean that the rest of a person’s character is morally bankrupt. Look up monogamy on Google. Other countries are so much more realistic about love versus sex.
If your spouse is abusive, emotionally unsupportive, or something, most people still stay in marriages, but if a spouse cheats that’s crossing the line?
If your great friends with your spouse, and you get along really well, but your spouse wants to have sex three times a week, but you are happy having once a month or less, than should you throw the towel in and get a divorce? Should you be forced to have sex more than you want or force your spouse to go without it for longer than they want? And you can say just compromise, but if your spouse wants sex three times a week and you compromise on once a week, your still depriving the person who you say you love of their sexual desires. Is that fair? If you are turned on by things your spouse will not do in the bedroom are you supposed to go your entire life without fulfilling and enjoying that part of your sexuality? Or maybe you should just give up on what is otherwise a great relationship and get a divorce in search of the perfect match socially, emotionally, physically, sexually, economically, religiously, morally, etc. Good luck finding that.
A marriage or any long-term relationship requires a lot of hard work, compromising, communication, and commitment. However if 95% of the relationship is good, should you throw it all away if one of you is sexually unfulfilled? If there are other problems and infidelity is part of or a symptom of those problems than get out, but if sex is the only issue I don’t think I’d be so quick to throw away what is otherwise a good relationship.
written by Not so black and white, 25 July, 2012
@Someone who is working it out...
Your spouse may have personal issues that led to him cheating, but if you really want to work it out you should both be going to counseling. Cheating doesn’t happen in a vacuum, unless he’s a sex addict, your relationship player some part in his desire to cheat. He made that choice, but going to counseling together to strengthen your communication skills and emotional bonds is only going to help. If nothing else you can better support and give feedback to the counselor on the counselor on the changes your husband is trying to make and how it’s affecting the relationship.
I hope you two are able to work things out.
written by Wifey, 10 August, 2012
My husband cheated on me 8 years ago, I only found out 2 years ago. I’m going to leave him, I’m saving for a deposit on a house, I’m doing lots of overtime while he looks after the kids. I don’t believe in forgive and forget, we have separate bedrooms, I can’t stand him near me, the thought of him all over someone else.
I can’t trust him, he makes my skin crawl.
written by atlanticcanadian, 12 August, 2012
My ex husband got engaged to one of his many affair partners while we were still married. It is two years later and I still hurt like hell.
written by Spencer84, 23 August, 2012
I cheated on my girlfriend who I was very much in love with. It started when she got her job after she finished school. It took all of her time. Before that, we spent every second together and I loved that. I was with her for two years and I never got sick of her. I was never bored but when she didn’t have time to hang out with me, I filled that void with a girl who had a crush on me. BIG MISTAKE. My girlfriend found out and left me. She told me that she couldn’t be with me because she didn’t love me anymore which in my opinion, is the best way to get back at someone who cheated on you. To know that a woman who loved me for me, was loyal to me and always there for me not love me because I was an idiot, will always haunt me. It’s been a year since she left me and I’m still hating myself over it. So my advice to those of you who have been cheated on, forgive, but don’t continue to love them. Have an indifference towards them. Trust me, it will hurt them and they deserve it.
written by dumbgirl!, 31 August, 2012
Hi, need advise my boyfriend of 6 years is a liar and even when I catch him on the lie he refuses to give in and say its true even when I have prove, well I thought we were a happy couple until 3 years ago when I started out finding pictures of him in parties that I never new about and comments from girls and txt’s from girls he would only say that that’s how they would speak to each other (each bullshit!) well I broke with him then went back and broke up again because of the same things. Well this last break up I found out many new things like, he was speaking to her ex since we started dating and I read the conversation they had I was heartbroken, then I also found out that it wasn’t just her but many other chicks; well I was pissed because he made a fool out me. It took him 6 months to get me back because yes! I forgave him. I know I did wrong but I love him so much even though he has been an ass in honesty and loyalty he’s been there for me in the worst times of my life and I care for him but now I found something new a new girl, when he was trying to get me back he was seeing her? I’m a mess HELP!
written by gethsy, 04 September, 2012
My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 yrs almost 6...a month ago he confessed to me that he had a one time thing with some girl it was devastating .our relationship had been so rocky since the beginning but somehow everytime we grew stronger. Now with the news I don’t know what to do because I had been talking to some guy before and I got caught and my bf forgave me. Now I feel like I cant really tell him anything because even though I didn’t have sex w da guy I still considered watt I did as cheating and. So did my bf. But now that I know how my bf felt in a way I decided to stay w him and work things out its been very hard but we have both made mistakes and I don’t think its fair that with all da wonderful things we have had together one bad thing ruins it all.
written by Mirandah Joy, 14 September, 2012
Hello, cheating is stupid and wrong.. That’s all.
written by ruthless, 16 September, 2012
After 25years, 3 kids and 1 stepson, my husband came home and told me he didn’t want to talk to me anymore. I thought he would get over it as he usually did ...he always had been quick to anger..and use alternative medications to help him with this.. but after 3 months of hostility directed mainly to me but also the kids I realized that he just wanted to end it but didn’t have the guts to do this without the abuse. I confronted him and he said he wanted a divorce, and half of everything we had, except no mention of the kids. He refused to speak to the kids and 1 year later has only spoken to the kids once. He would not leave the family home, so I left and the kids came with me. A year down the track we are still struggling, emotional abuse is so destructive, I sometimes worry that the kids will never get over it. When I call him for help, he is very matter of fact and simply states that they are adults and need to get on with their own lives. I don’t think I will ever understand how a father can just wipe his grown children of as if they don’t exist or just an object. They lived with him for near 20 years. I have always suspected there was another woman involved through his odd behavior and so do his family, but I realize it doesn’t matter anyway, as how can you love a man who cant love his own childrensmilies/sad.gif
written by Todd1989, 29 September, 2012
Don’t cheat. And if you do cheat own up to and say you are sorry and try and change.
written by Janey1016, 29 September, 2012
My boyfriend and I got into a fight. He has trouble dealing with his emotions. So on new years he hung out with his ex and swears nothing happened. But I have caught him in many lies and now I forgave him after many months and he is trying to be sweet and honest like he used to.. I trust him but sometimes. I still feel like he loves and wants her. How can I know for sure? They were together for over 10 years and have children together. Was I just a rebound? The feelings all feel sincere. How can I know for sure?
written by BS, 04 October, 2012
50% of men will cheat!? Where the fuck is the evidence for this random statistic?
I also hate hate hate that this will be used as an excuse for many, making it easier to cheat because ‘I am a men and we are 50% more likely to cheat, forgive me?’ NO. You made the conscious decision to shag someone who wasn’t your partner. I have zero sympathy for cheats...as well as the people who get repeatedly cheated on by the same person. The trust will not come back, end it and give yourself some respect. /rant
written by Move On, 06 October, 2012
Hi, unless you are the betrayed spouse, you will NEVER KNOW what real pain is. Sorry doesn’t fix anything. Cheating is not done spontaneously, it is a well thought out process and the guilt only surfaces once you have been caught out. It is a sign of weakness and insecurities in the cheater. It is ego boosting with no thought or regard to the devastating aftermath. If you are not happy in your marriage, then confront the issue like a man, not like a weak piece of shit and sleeping with another woman. And you want to be forgiven??? Sorry – pick up your belongings and move one. Life is too short to waste it on the lowlife dog.
written by confused..., 14 October, 2012
Hi, My boyfriend and I have been together since I was 13 and he was 15. So over 8 and and a half years. We lost our virginity to each other and we’ve had the most perfect happy relationship. Amazing sex life. hes been working away in a mine two weeks on and a week of and ended up giving into temptation when i girl came onto him. They had sex. I asked him details but he doesnt remember as he’d been drinking all afternoon. He said he doesnt wanna blame it on the alcohol cause theres no excuse for what he did. hes confused as he didnt think there was any way he was capable of hurting me like that and he doesnt know what it means because to him we have the "perfect" relationship. and there is nothing missing. He told me straight away because he couldnt look at me without feeling guilty. He wants to be with me but he thinks i deserve better. How could he do something like that when we were both so incredibly happy?! HELP!!!
written by jason rose, 16 October, 2012
smilies/cry.gif my girlfriend cheated with me for another boy...its over..i am really hurt..
written by Aars McGarkle, 16 October, 2012
My wife cheated but her approach was like that of a man. She enjoys controlling men and having them go down on her. She likes the raw animal aspect of sex and not the emotional bonding. She let a man enter her and have intercourse in order to compare "it" with mine. NOT EVEN CLOSE! I am MUCH bigger than most down there so I thought it would fun to remind how much smaller most men are. I still let her cheat but she only wants them to go down on her since the intercourse is such a disappointment.
written by Leena, 21 October, 2012
My boyfriend whom I still love a lot cheated me with my colleague. I felt so sick of it. He would take her name a million times a day. He even forgot my birthday but never forgot herz and bought her an expensive watch which he then sent it overseas to her. I know it very well that he is crazy in her love. This haunts me so much. Please help me to overcome it. Am dying inside day by day.

written by jg, 22 October, 2012
When you commit to someone there should be an understanding: I love and respect you. Men and woman have the same desires: To be loved and adored above all others. Just because a woman is pregnant doesn’t mean she doesn’t want sex. I wanted and enjoyed it more. It seems as if once children come along it is harder for a woman to give the attention to her man who needs it. And that may be when they stray. I really wish people would stay committed to whom they made babies with, and hopefully looked closely to whom they sleep with as a good babies daddy.
written by Need advise !, 31 October, 2012
I have been knowing my boyfriend ( he is 16 years older than me) for 6 months and had few long trips together. We also are planing to buy a house together. When I see him same he is constantly mention about his female colleague who is single which is really annoyed me. But I believed that they have an affair and he is cheating me. What can I do? Take it or leave it. Someone can give advise? Many thanks.
written by Need advise !, 31 October, 2012
I have been knowing my boyfriend (he is 16 years older than me) for 6 moths. We had few long trips together also are planing to buy a unit together. When I see him same he is constantly mention about his female colleague who is divorced which is really annoyed me. I believed he is cheating me and has an affair with this woman. I am confused if I take it or leave it. Could someone give me advise? Many thanks.
written by TL Once a liar, always a liar. Once a cheater always a cheater., 01 November, 2012
I dated my boyfriend 7 years ago and caught him in some lies. Broke up with him. Then 2 years later went out with him again. We lived together, worked together, traveled together. Had great friends and great times. A family member caught her husband cheating by checking his trash bin. So after a a text my boyfriend got. That could have been one of his customers. I checked his trash bin. I took his phone for 8 hours with one of my friends. Going through sex sites, with places and times of meetings with other people. Giving his location. I have felt this hole in my stomach. this aching in my heart. Because when you Love someone and give all that you have to that person and they give it away to a complete stranger for kinky sex. Not ever knowing if I got the sloppy seconds. It is so sick to know I Loved this person with all my heart and he was nothing but a cheap low life f**k to someone off the computer.
smilies/angry.gifsmilies/angry.gifsmilies/angry.gifsmilies/angry.gif
written by potential victim, 03 November, 2012
I am a male, 26. I would like to thank all of you ladies to save me from a blunder that I was about to do. Yes, I was gonna cheat my wife. We have been married for just 3 months and had been in relationship for 4 years.

I am Hindu and during our marriage ceremony, I swore that I would keep her happy and I will not hurt her by staying committed, caring, & understanding. But yesterday I kept getting thoughts about my ex gf and that triggered a desire to meet her again & I knew if I would meet her something for sure will happen between us. I for some reason typed cheating husband in Google & came to this page and read all the stories. You know what, you guys realized me that I was gonna be called what you’re calling now to your husbands or bfs (a$$hole). I realize that I can’t betray my wife who is very loyal & nice person. I can’t hurt her. I don’t want to loose her. I don’t want her to be checking this site few months down the road or writing stuff bout me.

Before I end this comment, I will tell you guys something about men. They are assholes (but not all). If they cheat upon you, they are not worth it. I would recommend them to refrain from watching porn as that’s when your mind go crazy. Also, keep reminding them how much you love them and the importance of commitment & loyalty. And may be once in a while give them some examples of your known person who cheated on his wife (or come up with a story) & how disgusting that is.

For those women who already have got betrayed, I would say don’t get married again & stay in relationship only as it’s hard to find a committed guy. Also, don’t sleep with a man until you’re damn sure he will not betray you’re trust. TEST THEM (both married & bfs).. once in a while by creating fake accounts on facebook or email address & see how they do..
written by Nurse12, 04 November, 2012
Hi my boyfriend of 3 years cheated on me with the photographer of my dads wedding. I found her number in his phone and recognized her name from the business card she gave me. At first he said they just talked and begged for me back. Then she told me the real truth. He held me when I sobbed and told me he would never do it again. And the. After a day he left me and went back to her. I am absolutely devastated. I wake up every morning and my chest is tight i cry every night and its getting so bad that i don’t want to live anymore to escape the pain of it all.
written by Galadriel, 05 November, 2012
Gosh!!... many different view points... interesting, especially the one by Not so Black and White, whose view i can understand and relate to... You’re right – monogamy isn’t ‘normal’. It only really has been perceived so after the early modern period... incidentally when property became more prominent in our society and paternity, and therefore inheritance, had to be established. Prior to that people were far more phlegmatic about it... around that time culture started to develop a bilateral normality to male and female desire... result – patriarchy and supposedly a society trained to think that male desire is higher than that of the female. One only has to delve into primary source material of the time to see that the female sex drive was universally considered to be higher than that of the male. Why the change?? i could write you an extensive essay on it, but from a Marxist Feminist perspective it has everything to do with power, Patriarchy and Capitalism....

However, all the Social Science, Philosophical thinking , and Historical comparisons concerning monogamy ect does not take away the fact that if you have been cheated on, it is a devastating experience. I was with my husband for 18 years, we never cheated on one another, although he did porn quite heavily which was, at the time, problematic for me... i’m a lot more laid back about these things now following much reading on the subject. I left him because i didn’t love him anymore and didn’t want to have sex with him, but i didn’t think it was fair to expect him to live with me as a friend.... It was the right decision to make, he still has my respect and friendship. Later i met someone who i adored with all my heart, and loved with a passion i’d never felt before in my life... he cheated on me... i fell apart totally... so i guess what i’m saying is, monogamy is nu-natural yes, but all the rationalization of this doesn’t neutralize the hurt and devastation one feels when you’ve been betrayed. Incidentally, i left that man and am thankful that i did so....
best wishes to all of you who have experienced problems in this area. My advice.... If you still love them try to work it out, but don’t sacrifice your self respect, or bow to anyone. If you don’t love them, run, run, run as fast as your legs will carry you.

Sorry, only meant to write a sentence!!
Galadriel xx
written by untrusting, 06 November, 2012
My situation is slightly different, I have been with my partner for almost 3 years and 5 months ago we bought a house together. 2 months ago I got a gut feeling, can’t explain it, but I looked at his facebook and he and another woman had been conversing and sending pictures. They weren’t naked pics but were suggestive, where he told her she was hot and he wanted her. I went mad at him and left the house. The woman is someone he used to talk to before we got together and someone who has constantly been a fixture on his fb throughout the whole time we have been together, liking his pictures etc. He says he has never met her, even before we got together and if he wanted her he would have before we became a couple. Anyway, it turns out she has been messaging him privately on and off the whole time. He says he ignored most of them and sometimes he just said ‘thanks’ as she was commenting on how good he looked in pictures. I don’t believe he has had a physical affair and he assures me he has never done this before and he doesn’t know why he did it. Oh and might be worth adding he was messaging me at the same time and sent me the same picture he sent her, so wasn’t like I was out of sight out of mind!! I am still trying to decide whether I can forgive him and move on. Trust and loyalty is a big thing to me and I feel that for him not to have nipped this is the bud long before this incident is a huge disrespect to me and us, let alone the inappropriate conversation he had. He has cheated in the past and I know this, as I have known him a long time and he has admitted and told me stuff from his past that he didn’t have to. I am just starting to think once a cheater always a cheater and I was stupid to think I was different or ‘special’. I am trying to move on but the last two months have been hell. Talking/Arguing mainly, because of me trying to understand why he did what he did and him saying he has told me everything and I will never understand that it was just a laugh and a cheap thrill etc. If he had fully cheated, I would leave but as this is a grey area for me, I don’t know what to do and I guess what I need to know is would you forgive this as it is a minor issue, or would I just be setting myself up for a fall later down the line?
written by Blue_Satori, 11 November, 2012
The only thing that matters is to see the utter heart ache that this causes people. My heart goes out to those who have found this so painful and devastating that some days they don’t even want to continue living.

The continual lying and disregard for someone’s feelings is what really kills the spirit, it makes a person feel like they don’t even exist. It makes it almost impossible for them to trust someone again or have the confidence to move on with someone new.

Facing them and dealing with the relationship acknowledges that they do exist and that their feelings matter, even if the relationship is over. They will still hurt, but they will be better able to move on and be able to trust someone again someday.
written by Cleopatra1978, 13 November, 2012
hey there, I guess is better to leave a cheater before getting into marriage cause Man never change and for those who are married and have kids don’t leave and get a divorce, ‘cause u only give them what they want, screw them, live your life and let them spend all their money on you & your kids and never ever say poor guy no let him kick his ass to support your needs and your kids as well man are born to do that it’s their duty besides that I suggest u women out there live your life but do not cheat on him ‘cause u won’t be any better or solve it by this no instead live your life have some activities make your day full and take a very good care of yourself let them think as if your doing all this for someone else and let the fire hit him trust me ladies that will kill him the best way to fight this is to be a strong women besides women are much more smarter then man so don’t waste this on your emotions, use your heads and not your hearts, if u want to upgrade yourself or if u ever dream to have that boob job do it just do everything that pleases u and keeps u happy and that will make him wonder and believe he even will start following u that what the heck is going on, keep on being mysterious on the other hand keep up doing your duties at home and take care of him I mean not 100% just as much as u think he deserves, make yourself priority trust me he’ll be all yours but when u feel he’s interest is coming back to u, make your own rules this time so he has to stick with it also let him to assure u by giving some properties if possible if not ladies keep your money aside whenever u are financially assured u don’t need them they need us and that’s a fact. I’ve been cheated since the very beginning of my marriage and after 5 years I just found out his fake facebook & all the proofs for that and I was devastated that WTF I’ve been lied too so long although I always new something was wrong but when I thought about it I found I have 2 choices is whether leave him to be happy or the 2nd choice, not throwing all my efforts and sacrifices all the energy I put and the support that I gave him financially why will I want to throw all in return having nothing and leaving with a loss of everything hell no instead I’ll stay and insure myself and be stronger than ever and have a life eventually man when they get older they come to their senses and it’s then when they start treating u they way it should be, Yeap Man are weird and go wrong but women should be very clever about this and try to be cool and not act through impulsiveness or else u will loose keep it cool just play the game the same way they do only we play it better Good Luck ladies is whether u save yourself or choose to let it go whatever u choose make sure u wont regret it later thing about it too long before taking any actions, Oh and remember man has conscious and they will always feel that guilt even if they don’t show just try to play smart on it and most of all be happy ladies we don’t need anybody to make us happy we can do it for ourselves .
written by Her Friend, 13 November, 2012
I have always believe cheating to be wrong, and don’t stand it in my personal life. I am happily married. My husband and I noticed something off about my Father-in-law last year. We confronted him on it and he admitted to having a woman on the side that he worked with. Which shocked my husband and I as my Mother-in-law works at the same place. She sat down with us and admitted that she knows about the affair. She is not happy about it, I hear her crying all the time. Now that it is out in the open he even goes over to the other woman’s house two nights a week. My husband and I have invited her to come live with us and offered help in her leaving him but she refuses. She says that "he is not really cheating since she knows about it." He somehow has warped her since of thinking. My husband even comments that is not the woman he knew growing up who was always proud and outspoken. Now she kind of goes along with whatever my Father-in-law says, and even runs errands for him while he is over at the other woman’s house, so he won’t be troubled with it. I hardly ever see her smile anymore and she seems to be always on the verge of tears. It also pains me that my mother says she heard whispers around town that he is bragging to everyone about his affair, not bothering to hide it from anyone. My husband and I are at the end of our wits. We want to help because we think she is being emotionally abused in order to because his personal doormat, but she refuses our help.
written by dg, 15 November, 2012
Months ago, I found out the dude I was dating for several.had been cheating on his live in girlfriend with me. I immediately told him I would tell her, and ended it with him. [and I did just that] I so do not believe in cheating of any sort. It is disrespectful and hurtful. It felt worse than a slap in the face when I found out. I felt she had the right to know. It’s her choice do what she wants with that info. Several weeks after this. I hear they got engaged. Hahaha, as if that"s. Going to fix all. In my opinion a man who cheats on his girlfriend that he desires to marry , doesn’t deserve her, and she is a fool if she thinks he is going to be faithful and loyal to her. If he was all that he wouldn’t of cheated on her in the first place.
written by second chance, 18 November, 2012
My boyfriend and I had a great relationship, good sex life and he is constantly telling everyone around him, even his friends, that I would be the perfect wife and that he is luckiest man in the world to have me, we were talking marriage, buying a house, kids. I was happy with him, until recently he started developing erectile dysfunction – he couldn’t hold an erection and couldn’t orgasm during sex with me. It didn’t bother me, I tried to help, once even gave him head for 1 hour, I bought lingerie, ordered a sexy nurse outfit etc. And he went out and cheated on me with a girl he doesn’t even know and found on the internet. He slept with her 3 times and had no erection problems, and even came inside her without protection. When I found out (she found me on fb, told me herself and seemed smug about it) I just snapped. It killed me. My boyfriend said he was sorry and that he just gave in to lust and curiosity because the skank was willing and came onto him (although he initiated the conversation). He claims he wants to make it up to me and rebuild the relationship, and be 100% honest. He gave me all his passwords, unlimited access to his smartphone, and would share his location with me wherever he went. He threw away the bed they f’d on and bought a new bed and he is going to take an STD test in 3 months – until then, no sex (I told him I can’t sleep with him until I am ready). I gave him a second chance and took him back because I feel that if I don’t, I will never learn to trust my own instincts again, and he will never forgive himself for destroying another person’s life.
written by Yeah, 19 November, 2012
It’s true that humans were once polygamous. And it was necessary for the growth of
the species. The working word hear though is " WAS". Given the explosion of growth
in the human population, it is a pathetic excuse for men of modern age
to use this as an excuse. And if it is natural, man might have evolved from this.
I think it more has to do with culture and sexploitation of both men and women through the
media and double standards.
written by cns90, 20 November, 2012
My husband and i have been married for 3 months, and weren’t together very long before we married. He is in the army, and i waited from him all throughout basic training, and all of the distance, even after we were married. Just a couple weeks ago, i found out that he had an affair with someone he met on a dating site. His excuse was "You weren’t down here and i was lonely, and upset that you couldn’t be here yet". Needless to say, he got in big trouble with the army. I moved back home and i’m with my mom. He called and begged me to come back, saying how much he realized what he had messed up, and he would never do it again. He also agreed to go to counseling and get help for himself and our marriage. It makes me feel like i wasn’t good enough and that i didn’t try hard enough, but i do know that in the end this wasn’t my fault, and i have to remember that. I am trying to start my forgiving process so we can make our marriage work and i’m afraid. I love this man, and i dedicated everything to be with him. We are both 21, and i know i could "do better", but i went into this believing i am with my soulmate, and i still believe that, despite of what has happened. If he shows that is improving and showing that he really does want to change and get past this, then i will stay. If he doesn’t then i will file for divorce. This is his only shot, because i have to remember that things like this don’t just affect me, it affects the people that are close to me as well. They are scared for my well being, and want me to be happy. For those ladies out there searching for answers, just like i did tonight, just know that you aren’t alone, and only you can make the right decision. Go with your gut feeling. Right now, my gut tells me to give him another chance, but not to get too comfortable until i know he means what he says, and it is the hardest thing in the world.
written by Carla2222, 20 November, 2012
cheating or the desire to have multiple partners is NOT part of our human nature. Humans would more likely tend to devote themselves for one person for example we see sometimes how some people never get over someone even if that person treated them badly. It’s always more likely for us to revolve our entire world on ONE single person..and it’s not exactly healthy all the time... to cut it short, people who cheat don’t have the sense of humanity.
written by Big, 20 November, 2012
Once a cheater is always a cheater.
written by sick of this crap, 23 November, 2012
This is all a load of crap! Humans have such powerful emotions-the ability to bond/love more so than any other species. If we were not meant to be monogamous men would be like dogs-never capable of bonding with any women or child. People who write this sort of crap only write it to justify their own bad behavior. Look up vasopressin in men-the male bonding hormone and dopamine. Men who have the correct balance of hormones (born normal) are meant to be monogamous and they fall in love with one women and become addicted to her! (Her scent, her taste, her touch). Why do you think it hurts so much if a long-term relationship ends? Or if you are betrayed? because it is wrong and we all know it is!

Men who are born abnormal (too little vasopressin or too much testosterone) are serial cheats. They lack the ability to truly bond emotionally with one women.

Not all men crave multiple partners-just like not all men are obsessed with porn and also this whole thing about visual stimulation is bollox as well. Men have imaginations just like women do and they do not need porn. If they think they do need it there is something wrong with them GET IT?

Be very careful who you choose to go out with. Learn to spot the signs early. Stay away from any man who has regular one night stands. Stay away from any man who is obsessed with porn. There is a long list-I could go on and on but be very very wary when choosing a partner. That’s all I’ll say
written by RRRRRR......, 23 November, 2012
I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years, he put me through hell in the beginning so should have probably stopped there, well he would take my car at night go to the bar get drunk and pass out at the bartenders house who lived next door to the bar, he swears nothing ever happen uh BULLSHIT. For the past year everything was going great it was me and him all the time and then my sister moved in, she is a slob and loud and what not well he decided he couldn’t take it went to the bar and never came home, also found out he hit on my sister and got a number from some girl at the bar I AM BEYOND over it GIRLS AND GENTS GET OUT FAST only causes heartache and hell.....smilies/angry.gif
written by asdfg, 30 November, 2012
It hurts a lot smilies/sad.gif
written by DEcounsellor, 30 November, 2012
They say "once a cheater, always a cheater" for a reason. Statistically speaking, 98 out of 100 people are making a big, stupid mistake by forgiving whoever that cheated on them, because 98% of the cheaters will cheat again.

Whatever the case, just dump the idiot, because chances are:
1) you will always worry about him or her cheating on you again, whether they actually do it or not
2) there are hundreds and thousands of people who are perfectly capable of maintaining a monogamous relationship, without ever cheating on you – unlike the one you have who HAS already done it.

To sum up: Always ditch the cheater.

Cheers
written by blind but now i see, 03 December, 2012
my husband cheating on me my whole marriage we been married 46years. cheated with 2 ladies possible kids with them but i am on my way out of the door it hurts to much he got what he wanted and lost what he had i cannot trust him any more sorry.smilies/angry.gifsmilies/angry.gif
written by chriscollins, 05 December, 2012
My name is chriscollins7435: from us my girlfriend left me a month ago and she was leaving with another man,i fell like my life is completely over. I read over the internet how you have help several people to get there love back. Have been depressed for the past one month and what i need is to get her back and live with me so i decided to give it a try so i contacted him and explain my problems to him and he cast a spell for me which i use to get her back and now my life is complete and i am
written by Beckyy, 05 December, 2012
Last night I cheated on my boyfriend of four years.
It wasn’t planned, I was with a group of friends, and we were having a smoke and some beers, it was a good night, then we all went to bed and it just happened.
It’s the worst mistake of my life, if I could take it back I would.
I’m confused though, I told my boyfriend straight away, and he wants to stay together.
I’m not too sure, I want to be with him, because I do love him, and it’s not a regular occurrence.
But I also don’t want to be with him, cause I don’t want to hurt him anymore than I have already.
I couldn’t forgive anybody if they did it to me.
I was confused as to why I let it happen, so I came on here, and some of what I read makes perfect sense, it’s exactly how I’ve been feeling.
So I think it’s probably best to end it with him, although it hurts so much to imagine life without him.
written by Crystal33, 10 December, 2012
Let me just say the saying "once a cheater always a cheater" I don’t believe applies to everyone that has cheated. I recently just found out I was cheated on by my bf with 5 different women. We’ve been together for 4 years. I knew about 1 woman, he cheated on me with her 10 days after I had our son! Talk about kicking ya when your down, I felt worthless! Well I stayed with him and we tried to work it out. Nothing ever was the same though. Still isn’t. I always had a gut feeling he was cheating again. Countless nights of him not coming home, him telling me some BS story and me believing it of course....to an extent. So after 4 years of my gut feeling and him continuing to text and message other women on FB, I cheated on him twice with the same guy. Was it right of me? Hell no it wasn’t! But I did this before he told me cheated on me 5 times. I always had that feeling he was, but couldn’t confirm it until he told me. It hurt, BAD!! He promised me he wouldn’t ever cheat again after he cheated on me 10 days after I had our son. He’s a very sexual person, more like a sex addict. Always looking at porn. Before he told me he cheated on me 5 times he was caught riding around with his ex, sending naked pics of him self and receiving them from another ex, talking to a girl he claims he never met, the list goes on and on. He repeatedly tells me loves me. He cheated cause I wasn’t giving him sex is what he says. Which is true. But he could’ve just ended it and said he wasn’t happy instead of continuing to cheat. Well he says that’s not what he wanted to do. I don’t get it. Yes I know I cheated on him after 4 years of being out thru hell. That’s no excuse for me. I wasn’t getting any attention from him, he was never home, always out drinking with his friends. It finally got old and I did it. I felt awful. That’s not who I am at all. I have NEVER cheated n my life! I’m 33 years old! So once a cheater always a cheater does NOT apply to everyone!! For him I think it does though. He has to have sex every day, sometimes twice. I’m at a loss. We are still together, we did a clean slate, 4 days later he stayed out all night. And the pattern continues!! I can’t take it anymore. He can come up with a lie quicker than anyone I’ve ever met. I love this man with everything in me!! He works his ass off for us!! I just don’t understand him!
written by yamika, 13 December, 2012
Do not how to take this inherent thing but y cannot men understand that it hurts... rather i cannot understand that how can they do this when at one point they themselves promise that they will protect us... i recently had a breakup!!! initially he started ignoring me. it was his new job so i felt that may be it was that he was too busy as he used to say but with time excuse turned into statement that i should stop interfering in his personal life ( can you believe that for 2 years i was his personal life and there was not a thing he never told me)... slowly my talks became disturbance for him and his reply became ruder... then my luck, i found his chat with another girl and discovered that he was cheating me.... its been about 2 months and still its so difficult to believe he did this. I mean in the whole world, i felt he was the last person who could do this. He was my definition of trust and now... its like so difficult to even believe myself. Scared to even talk to my friends. He promised me and saw he truth in his eyes. But just 5 months of separation changed it all. Men are so sick.... And poor girls, its so difficult to hate the one you love the most. And men easily escape by simply labeling that its inherent and not their fault.
written by Starting Over, 22 December, 2012
I was with my Babyfather/Boyfriend for 3years an I learned his patterns an behavior.... In the beginning of our relationship he was still dealing with his ex but was longing to having his own family... So I became pregnant an he accept my other kids as his also.. Meanwhile I would see texts back& forth from him an the ex an once she stop liking an commenting on FB I went n the inbox on FB an there it was.... He was still dealing with the ex an still lying... I would put him out an let him always come back an this time he met another girl an shes pregnant an he dont no if he’s the dad or not... He saw her with her new boyfriend an been depressed an came home an told me he wanted to end our relationship but wanted to continue to live in the same home which became a problem.... After 3 years he stated he been cheating on me an when my baby was 2 days old he cheated while I was in the hospital.... He started getting verbal/mental/physical abusive where I took my kids an left his Azz an went to another state an he dont no where we are.... Bastard!!!!
written by its a problem, 23 December, 2012
The views on here are interesting. Its the full spectrum. I’ve been cheated on twice. The last time it really hurt, He slept with an escort on a lads holiday for the entire trip and when he returned back expected everything to be normal, even though he was still texting her. I copped something was up and then the whole story came out in very public forum that he thought was private!... Which was humilating for him. I wasn’t bitter, just very disappointed. I felt inadequate and wondered what I did wrong. We spoke about and he told me that she was more attentive and caring..but he still wanted me and still have contact with her. I forgave him but I finished it, I had some shred of respect for myself and well when I look back on it, we won’t have lasted. I no longer talk to him although he has asked mutual friends about me.
I vowed that I won’t inflict that pain on anyone.

However the wheel is always turning. And this is where I’m going to get hammered.
I worknig and industry that is male dominated and difficult. The guys spend long periods of time away from home couped up in close confines with only a few of us females. I Have turned down numerous advances from married men/involved men, who have confessed that they are lonely and enjoy my company and want more. I keep my distance but stil talk to them. Rumours follow me around like a bad whiff because I’m one of the few single females here and I tend ot get along with everybody. I have never cheated
I struck a friendship with one guy in particular, we just clicked. we’re on very similar pages and tell each other anything,and I developed seriously deep feelings for him. As in I haven’t had this bond before with guy. We spoke for hours on end or just hangout and watch films in total silence. We had to keep the friendship somewhat underwraps because of the gossip nature or the compound and he’s married. He doesn’t like to talk about his wife. She’s the only thing he’s uncomfortable talking to me about it. So I avoided it and kept my deeper feelings underwraps knowing it was wrong to be thinking that way and would rather hold a friendship than risk an affair and end up severely hurt. this went on for a month of everyday contact until One evening I asked why he never spoke to me about her... and out came what I had been surpressing. He had also feelings. We both dismissed it as wrong and agreed to not to take it any further because of the potential consequences. A week later though things came to a head and we kissed adn it has just gone from there. We’ve been seeing each other for nearly 6 months now. He doesn’t wear his ring around me but recently when he has forgotten to remove it, it cuts like an knife and also in showing me pictures he inadvertantly showed me his screen saver which happens to be a collection of his marriage photos. His wife is beautiful, far more attractive than me. I can’t understand how he can have 2 of us like this. I’m so lost and hurt, but I know deep down that he wonuldn’t choose me if the choice was forced . I’m in love with him, but I don’t want to screw up his life, I’ve inadvertantly screwed mine up myself by getting involved. I’m angry at myself for letting it get this far. I know I need to end it but I’m struggling to.... I don’t know why.smilies/angry.gif I need help
written by leavethebums, 25 December, 2012
I’ll tell you what to do. There’s a slim chance any of you scorned women are going to be able to live peacefully. This WILL always be in your mind. Your men are bums, plain and simple. They apologize just like everyone else who apologizes -- because they got caught. They are scum and they give all other men a bad rap. Some of the posters are in obvious denial and have yet to go through all the phases. It doesn’t matter. In the end, you will come to accept with what you already know. I’m a guy. I gave a girl a second chance once but never, ever again. I have never cheated on anyone I dated. I’m 44 years old and have actively participated in online dating sites. Most of the women online are divorced and they have an impenetrable wall up, understandably so... within reason. So leave your bums, be thankful it’s ending when it is, take a year for yourself to recover and get back into the game and don’t hold any grudges. From what I see in the dating world, your team sorely needs some fresh talent.

That is all. Thanks.
written by yamika, 26 December, 2012
Dear " its a problem "... sooner or later you will have to end it coz deep inside you want it more and the desire will only increase with time. Best way to go is to end your relationship soon. We girls have a very killing habit of considering ourselves weak and inferior to the one we love. I know how it feels.... its like the world revolves around him and he becomes last one we would ever wish to leave. U too know that. So, its better to get rid of it as soon as possible. Try spiritual stuff like meditation.It helps and as it sounds you have a Job..!!!! so, give time to your hobbies and job and get out of it before it becomes more messy .....
written by xnobia, 26 December, 2012
cheating is just sick---no excuse---make yourself single if that’s what you want---its like the killer who commits suicide after killing others---just kill yourself---don’t be so selfish as to take some one down with you---if you do you are no better.....
written by roshelly1985, 06 January, 2013
I’m happy I’m not alone in this world. When I was pregnant with my son my bf cheated on me. I left him. He begged and pleaded for two years that I take him back. He would never hurt me like that. I was his queen. He acts almost obsessed with me and our sex life was great. Anyways two years later and another baby. I found out yesterday he has been cheating on me since I took him back. He tells me it was a mistake. I’m all he wants in the world. Blah blah blah. He calls and begs so much I had to change my number. We were so passionate with one another and so close. I don’t get it. I feel my biggest mistake in life was ever taking him back. I have a four year old and a 6 month old with this monster.
written by Fbr_1986, 06 January, 2013
I cheated on my girl of 5yrs with a girl from work, got caught, had rows, lied, cried, asked for forgiveness. We have two boys 1 and 3 yrs, who we both adore. Thing is although our relationship was never perfect we really get on. Sex is my problem. I love it and crave it. When the sexual side of our relationship started to slide, I was immersed by the sexual desire of the other woman. Easy. For me sex with other women is just sex, but with my ex it was far more than that. Of course, once my affair had come out, the space between my partner and I got larger, especially in the bedroom. It’s 8months later and I still love her, I never stopped, all I have wanted is my own family and now she calls all the shots. She says she doesnt feel the way she should, to be in a relationship with me, very understandable, but I need her to know that it’s always been her that I love, always. I can sit here and try to explain, who, what and why but what’s the point? What is done is done. Cheating is a game of opportunity knocks. U take it or leave it, and in a split second lives can change.
Here’s a question. When you cheat, for no real reason apart from ‘ this birds fit and she wants it’ what to you do when that special someone’s life has been shattered and that trust has gone? I love her so much and think of her everyday. Well and truly gutted. Cheating is deffinatly not the way to go. I suppose I’ve learnt that the hard way. As for right now all I can do is try and pick myself up and try to provide a good enough life for our boys, then hopefully one day she will come back. Thing is I know what it has felt like for her because I still get angry if I think of her with someone else, it actually drives me insane! I don’t want her to go anywhere, I’d like her to put energy into our family to make sure we aren’t just one of those family stats. I have come a long way emotionally I.e never said or let feelings be part of me, now I choose to be more open and say what’s on my mind instead of saying what people want to hear. Unfortunately its going to take alot more than that to satisfy her soul. Never again will I throw pure gold away for fools gold.

written by roshelly1985, 07 January, 2013
....ur the other side of what I’m going through. Except this was the 3rd time my bf cheated and it was with our neighbor. We also have two boys. U story actually made me feel a little better. I hope he’s sad in 8 months from now. I know I will be.
written by Fool?, 11 January, 2013
I just found out yesterday my bf of a year has been talking to his ex the entire time we have been together .He said he only wanted to stay friends bc she was very innocent ( he was her first) and knew she would be crushed and may not finish college if she was that devastated. So he never told her about me . I complied, but was under the impression he rarely talked to her. Well 6 months ago I found out he was talking to her regularly and lied and said she was out of the country when she really wasn’t . I was going to leave him if he didn’t tell her about me. They could be friends but she needed to know it would strictly only be that . Well he gave me the sob story that she wouldn’t graduate and didn’t want to hurt an innocent person for no reason . So I gave in and he promised he would never talk to her from that point on and had his number changed. I told him if I ever found out he did I would leave him.. Come to find out he never stopped like he promised! I got a hold of her and she told me everything . He was calling her everyday . Yes just friends and she got mad and said she never wanted to speak to him again 4 months later. So should I be mad?? I realize he never cheated but he betrayed me for 4 more months after I forgave him !!! Knowing if I found out I would leave . He says it wasn’t a risk bc he thought I’d never know and nobody would be hurt ... Except I found out and feel like what he did is unforgivable . But I keep hearing that I’m " over reacting " . What do you think ??? Please send me your thoughts . I’m really struggling with this
written by Getting stronger, 14 January, 2013
HI... couple of questions...
I had a baby, I changed... meaning I put my all into my first born... while I didn’t completely put her father on the back burner.. he feels that I just completely didn’t want to do anything he wanted to do... that’s not completely true... I cooked, cleaned, served his food, we went on a couple of dates... so talked... didn’t have sex fora while as I was sick... a while is like 5 months... he started talking to another women, noticed phone bill.. confronted him, he said he cheated emotionally ONLY. We went to counseling... I stopped that because he was still chatting with her, told me he had to clear things up with her... So, anyway... a year later... we had to make a decision to stay in house or move separate... he chose to move separate... what does that say about him? I stayed.. and tried... but the trust was just gone... physical or emotional.. cheating is cheating.. I feel for my child but I know that is the wrong reason to stay... but i didn’t end this... i was willing to try hard! We were going to church... but he says he needs his time, to find god, get strong... he lost who he is being with me and he is putting me before God... now, if anyone out there knows the bible... can you please let me know if this sounds right? To leave your family to get closer to God.. why wouldn’t you and YOUR family do this together? I just don’t know and I don’t usually get on here and write these types of things... but I googled something and this posting came up... please be fair and not mean... thanks.
written by Stewpid Monky, 18 January, 2013
@Not so black and white

Applause!!!

People are such hypocrites. Let’s talk about commitment. Everyone talks about loyalty and not cheating. Where is your loyalty that you run out of the relationship at the first sign of a problem. As stated before. People put these grand expectations on one another and then get pissy when they other person does not live up to their standards.

I am married. I cheat. I am committed. My family comes first no matter what. My wife is not as sexual as I would want her to be, but she is a great mother, a great wife in all other aspects. Am I supposed to just leave her because in bed she doesn’t fulfill all my needs? As an individual is it fair to expect her to do everything that I want even if she doesn’t like it? Or am I just to sacrifice my sense of happiness just because my wife does not like some of the things sexually like I do? I don’t mean deviant sexual matters. I like sex 2-4 times a day. My wife is a 2x a wk type of person. What would you suggest? If I used your guys logic this is what I should do.

1. Break up with my wife because sexually she is not where I am. Forget the promise I made to take care of her and be there for her. No sex, it’s over. yeah great commitment.

2. Show how shallow I am to my children because physical needs out-way the commitment I have to my family.

3. Sacrifice myself for my family leaving a feeling of fulfillment because I "love" my spouse.

It’s nonsense and deep down inside you people know it. I take care of my wife. I take care of my kids. my wife and I go out on dates together, have a great time together. In the meanwhile, I supplement the missing aspects outside of my marriage. Guess what! My marriage is happier because I am fulfilled. I love myself enough to make me happy and that in turn allows me to transfer that happiness to my kids and wife.
written by Saddened, 22 January, 2013
I feel like such a fool, I found out today my partner cheated on me again, I’m sad and hurt. He’s done it so many times and his excuse has been I live to far away and only am home in the odd weekend, but I’m his one and only. There just flings. Yey that makes it ok then huh. I just want to feel strong enough to end it for good. How can you love someone but at the same time have fun with different woman. It sickens me. I no longer blame him but myself for taking him back. 6 years of my life I have put into a fake relationship, all I want to do is forget and move on. I have had 3 partners all do the same. I’m beautiful and loving, but hate the fact I keep finding the wrong man. I thought I had moved on last year when I started dating someone else but when he found out it broke his heart, he begged me to take him back, and the only reason i did was because i couldn’t bare seeing him so hurt. Its so depressing, I wish more people had some morals and values. Its a shame that people think its ok to behave in such a fashion. I know i’ll eventually move on, I just pray that this is the last time I take him back. God please give me the strength to be ok smilies/sad.gif

written by Abbot, 31 January, 2013
How possessive are you? People should just be free to do what they please.
written by Observer, 03 February, 2013
Ok this is what both men and women have to understand. In the beginning we both (men &women) do things to impress each other but when we get comfortable with our partner that fades away. When things fade away so does the attraction but not the love or feelings you have for them.

written by big problem, 13 February, 2013
My husband cheated one month after his dad passed away. I was six months pregnant. I saw the text and PICTURES(no faces) one night-I had a gut feeling that he was tucking his phone under his pillow for a reason.
He told me it was a one night stand with a girl he met in a club,friend of his cousin. He told me everything I did wrong and that she made him feel loved.
I didn’t want to end 8 years on a one night stand. One month later, we went shopping...and surprise!... his female cousin from a different city just happened to b visiting the same mall! I kept quite and polite although I couldn’t stand the thought of her being the one who introduced the two. He was so excited to hang out with her.
Lots of tears and 3 1/2 years later, I found out that he actually slept with his first cousin! ! And was considering leaving me and his three beautiful girls&one baby girl on the way- for her.
I wish I could leave but I can’t take a father away from my girls

written by Both Sides, 15 February, 2013
I have heard the justifications of male cheating for a long time, every possible explanation. Didn’t feel appreciated (goes both ways) Not getting any (goes both ways) Boredom (goes both ways) Revenge (goes both ways) even all the way down to cold hard BIOLOGY which maybe not everyone realizes also goes both way. I hear men defending themselves with, "I am a man, I am hard wired to want to sleep with as many women as possible to spread my seed" "That is what we are designed for..." "I can’t help but thinking about banging every attractive women I see, I am a man." Everyone has heard this, and I understand what they are saying. But, however, a successful relationship comes down to love, respect and will power. Love the woman you are with, respect her heart and have the will power to not stray and hurt her. Keep your pink thing put away. Period. Now, to the part where this goes both ways. How are women "engineered" by biology? We are designed to choose our mate, now how do women do that? Well, everyone has been to a bar, right before closing and there is a hot female and about 3 drunks guys are trying to impress her with their crappy sense of humor, pick up lines and what they do for a living or drive etc.. Men compete for women and women select what they want based on what we are biologically designed to be attracted to. We look for mature, stable, attractive, strong, honest, protective men. Even down to physical characteristics (just like men do with women) strong jaw, broad shoulders, tall etc. Men who are genetically better than others and who demonstrate the ability to provide and support a family. We look for an alpha or the best we can get. When we settle down with a man, we may notice men who are hotter, have more money, are smarter, stronger etc. It is biology, that doesn’t mean we don’t exercise the willpower to stand by our man who we committed to. Now, if our guy starts letting us down (physically, mentally, emotionally, financially... could be in lots of different respects) women may be more inclined to move on to a "biologically" better man. So, that argument can also go both ways and bite a man in the ass. I can guarantee if a man cheated and tried that "biology" line with me, I would determine it is time for an upgrade. If a man is going to try and put his thing into any fertile woman than I can’t promise I won’t move on with a man better than him. I am hardwired that way, sorry, it is just biology. smilies/wink.gif
written by Both Sides, 15 February, 2013
So I wrote this whole long well worded opinion, and it didn’t submit. That is just great!!!
written by dont know what to do?, 16 February, 2013
So I have been in a relationship with my bf for a year and half and he got kicked out of his house when we were like 8months and he said he was living with someone but he never told me who it was. And then he moved back with how mom and a month after some lady came to tell me and my mom that he cheated on me with his friend. And he denied it. He said she was making it up. And I talked to his friend and she denied everything. She said it wasn’t true. But I don’t know if I can believe him. Because the lady told me and my mom that his friend was living at her house and then moved in with my bf. But that he would always visit her. And to ask any neighbor and that they would say they were a couple. And I don’t know what to do. I’m engaged to him and I don’t want to be with a heater
written by Layla B., 12 March, 2013
This is a very interesting website and I am so glad that I found it. I am not married, but I have been in a relationship where my boyfriend has turned out to be a monogamous (faithful) cheater. HAHA. I can sort of laugh about it now, because wow, how does this happen and how does someone not know it.
I am currently with him and I can’t sit here and say that I am a victim, nor am I not hurt, nor do I believe in cheating. However, I believe that I have deciphered his reasons for doing so, even though he has not and it is a quite interesting theory, so here goes it.
My boyfriend, comes from a family of 5 siblings of mostly females and a mom who is the alpha. Also, his step-dad is only interested in him when he is accomplishing something great and is of no interest otherwise. When he moved to college I believe two things, he was wanting to be surrounded by that large family of females and even more so looking for someone/thing to care and accept him for who he was. However, aside from most likely a mothers love I do not think that he has experienced much of vulnerable, unconditional and emotional love. Overall point being, he uses sex to create distance from the one person he genuinely cares about and would walk through fire for, but also uses it to create a "family" because obviously women tend to attach after sexual relationships where men do not.
I am in my confused and obsessive stage, where I do not trust or understand what is real with us and what is not, but what I do understand is that he means well in the end. not well by cheating, but I am hopeful we can grow from this experience. I have learned to be clear in my expectations and commitments. I also know that I want to attend counseling together. And finally I know that I am hopeful bc I would much rather have someone who takes care of me while sick, holds me every morning with a smile, listens to anything and everything I have to say, is motivated, focused, determined, hardworking, kind, forgiving, christian, than someone who has a standing delivery for monday morning flowers charged to his credit card with a yearly bill. There has to be a somewhere in the middle.

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