Relationships, Infidelity and Deception Blog

Good Lovers Lie

By Truth About Deception

If you are honest with yourself, you are probably aware that when it comes to love – the truth is necessary, but so too are lies.

A quote from Clancy Martin in a NYTimes piece on the topic:

“Love is a greater good than the truth. No marriage, no parent’s love of a child should be scrutinized like a pathologist examining his cadaver. Save your ruthless pursuit of the truth for the laboratory; we lovers would rather be like Shakespeare: “Therefore I lie with her and she with me / And in our faults by lies we flatter’d be.” Don’t worry so much about ferreting out the truth. Take care of each other instead.”

And similar quote from a difference source:

“When you take a step back and put it altogether, the picture that emerges about intimate relationships is somewhat contradictory: Because our romantic relationships are so rewarding, yet so constrictive, we are simultaneously more truthful and more deceptive with those we love. Additionally, we place the most trust in the person who is most likely to deceive us, just as we are most likely to deceive the person who loves and trusts us the most. These are just a few of the paradoxes that emerge when taking a close look at the use of deception in our romantic relationships.”


For your own safety, keep the Machiavellians away

By Truth About Deception

People with Machiavellian personality traits, also known as one of the dark personality traits, are extremely cynical and like to exploit others. While they can be charming, they are definitely not the type of person you want to be intimately involved with.

New research examines how Machiavellians approach sex. Overall the picture is bleak. Machiavellians use sex not as a way to foster intimacy, love and affection. But, they are more likely to use sex as a means for achieving their own personal goals such as revenge, increasing their status, gaining resources, or simply as a physical release, just to name a few.

And it should come as no surprise that Machiavellians are also more likely to engage in sexual lies and are prone to infidelity.

Source: Brewer, G., & Abell, L. (2015). Machiavellianism and sexual behavior: Motivations, deception and infidelity. Personality and Individual Differences, 74, 186-191.


Mate or date the man with the low-pitched voice?

By Truth About Deception

The sound of a man’s voice conveys a lot of information; especially, about the amount of testosterone he produces. During puberty, men who produce more testosterone develop lower-pitched voices, which carry on throughout adulthood. The pitch of a man’s voice not only signals his level of testosterone, but behaviors associated with higher levels of testosterone: a higher sex drive and an inclination to commit infidelity.

While women are attracted to men with lower-pitched voices, they also seem to be aware of the risks of picking a long-term partner who is more likely to cheat. As such, women are more likely to be attracted to men with lower-pitched voices when selecting a short-term mate, but have reservations about selecting such men when it comes to settling down. As noted by the authors of the study:

“… women may generally perceive men with relatively masculine traits as sexually attractive, but less suitable as long-term mates.”

Dating is always more complicated then people realize. A host of factors weigh into our decision-making… mostly outside of our conscious awareness.

Source: O’Connor, J. J., Pisanski, K., Tigue, C. C., Fraccaro, P. J., & Feinberg, D. R. (2014). Perceptions of infidelity risk predict women’s preferences for low male voice pitch in short-term over long-term relationship contexts. Personality and Individual differences, 56, 73-77.


To cuddle or not

By Truth About Deception

A new study looks at cuddling from an attachment perspective? Does an individual’s attachment style influence one’s feelings about cuddling? The interesting thing about this study – they examined parents’ as and well as romantic partners’ feelings about cuddling.

The results were not all that surprising. Dismissing or avoidant individuals, both as parents and as romantic partners, had more negative feelings about cuddling. However, the study does raise an interesting implication. Parents, who dislike cuddling, are more likely to raise dismissing children. As noted by the researchers:

“… it is likely that children of avoidant parents grow up to dislike intimate touch in their relationships, with both romantic partners and children. Individual differences in attachment avoidance may therefore facilitate the transference of intimacy in relationships across the lifespan.”

Source:  Chopik, W. J., Edelstein, R. S., van Anders, S. M., Wardecker, B. M., Shipman, E. L., & Samples-Steele, C. R. (2014). Too close for comfort? Adult attachment and cuddling in romantic and parent–child relationships. Personality and Individual Differences, 69, 212-216.


Predictors of infidelity

By Truth About Deception

New research explores why people cheat on their spouses. This cross-cultural research shows three consistent findings:

  1. Love for a spouse makes people less likely to cheat.
  2. Finding other people attractive makes people more likely to cheat.
  3. Thinking that one’s spouse is cheating makes people more likely to cheat.

Essentially, love for a spouse helps prevent against infidelity, but being attracted to other people and thinking that your spouse is cheating is associated with higher levels of infidelity.

More information on predictors of cheating.

Source: Nowak, N. T., Weisfeld, G. E., Imamoğlu, O., Weisfeld, C. C., Butovskaya, M., & Shen, J. (2014). Attractiveness and Spousal Infidelity as Predictors of Infidelity in Couples from Five Cultures. Human Ethology Bulletin, 29(1), 18-38.