Relationships, Infidelity and Deception Blog

Key to Happiness

By Truth About Deception

A new book is coming out on a 70 year longitudinal study of men.  The key findings:

“The study, a product of the period in which it was conceived, has its limitations. Its only subjects are white, privileged men.  Still, many of its findings seem universal. If they could be boiled down to a single revelation, it would be that the secret to a happy life is relationships, relationships, relationships. The best predictors of adult success and well-being are a childhood in which one feels accepted and nurtured; an empathic coping style at ages 20 through 35; and warm adult relationships.”  A link to a review of the book is here.

It is not our careers or financial success that bring happiness to our lives.  What matters the most is how we manage our close relationships.  Wouldn’t it be nice if people put more time and effort trying to make their relationships work.  If people would place more emphasis on taking a partner’s perspective into account and treating each other with kindness and respect, we all might be happier and lead more fulfilling lives as a result.


Little Liars

By Truth About Deception

Children start lying at a very early age.  New research is trying to determine exactly when children use deception to conceal the truth.  To do this, children are asked to play a game with a researcher.  During the game, children are told not to look at a toy that has been placed behind them.  As planned, the researcher becomes distracted, giving the children a chance to peek at the toy.  After breaking the rules, the children are asked if they looked at the toy.  What does the research reveal?

“In summary, we demonstrated for the first time experimentally that children begin to tell lies as young as 2 years of age, but most 2-year-olds are still highly honest.  Within a 1-year span, children become more inclined to lie about their transgression.”  The full study can be found here.

The terrible twos seem to be a transition point for a lot of bad behavior.


It Didn’t Mean Anything To Me

By Truth About Deception

In many cases, cheating is not something people plan to do (see, why people cheat).  So, when people cheat on a partner, it creates a discrepancy between how people want to view themselves and the reality of the situation.  In order to reduce this stress, individuals often trivialize what they have done.  New experimental research tests this out.  In a hypothetical situation, cheaters, who were able to minimize their behavior by claiming “it didn’t mean anything”, felt better about themselves.

So, the next time a cheater says, “It didn’t mean anything” – it probably means a lot.  It most likely means that the cheater feels better about what has happened.


Revolting to Think About

By Truth About Deception

What is the purpose of oral sex?  Could it have evolved as a means of detecting infidelity?  After all, what better way to check on a mate’s fidelity than by doing a close up inspection where you can make use of more of your senses – smell, sight, and taste.  It sounds revolting, but new research is starting to explore how oral sex may function as an unconscious way of checking for infidelity.


Double Standards

By Truth About Deception

New research shows that people impose double standards when it comes to cheating.  Men, who have cheated, are less judgmental and more forgiving of other men who have cheated.  Cheating men, however, are not as forgiving when it comes to evaluating a female who cheats.  Women impose the same double standard – women, who have cheated, are more forgiving of women who cheat.  Non-cheaters, were less forgiving regardless of the cheater’s sex.