Relationships, Infidelity and Deception Blog

Pray It

By Truth About Deception

Expressing emotions is critical for your physical and emotional well being.  When people do not have an outlet for expressing their emotions, people often act on their emotions in counterproductive ways.  If you have a problem that is troubling you, it is important to express how you are feeling (see, benefits of revealing secrets).

New research shows that the act of praying provides the same benefits as engaging in self-disclosure.  When people express their emotions through prayer, it helps them deal with traumatic events.

If a problem is bothering you, one way or another, it helps to express it.


Put Your Cell Phone Away

By Truth About Deception

The mere presence of a cell phone has a negative impact on feelings of closeness and trust.  Main take away from the study:

“These results demonstrated that the mere presence of mobile communication technology might interfere with human relationship formation, lending some empirical support to concerns voiced by theorists (Turkle, 2011). Evidence derived from both experiments indicates the mere presence of mobile phones inhibited the development of interpersonal closeness and trust, and reduced the extent to which individuals felt empathy and understanding from their partners. Results from the second experiment indicated that these effects were most pronounced if individuals were discussing a personally meaningful topic. More specifically, results of this experiment showed that meaningful conversation topics tended to encourage intimacy and trust under neutral conditions. This difference between those in the casual and meaningful conversation conditions was absent in the presence of a mobile phone, which appeared to interfere in conditions that were otherwise conducive to intimacy. More interesting, the debriefing procedure suggests that these effects might happen outside of conscious awareness.”

A link to the complete study is here.


Dancing in Heels

By Truth About Deception

People do a lot of stupid things.  Men love to brag about their conquests on the golf course, while women paint their faces with makeup and everyone seems ok with that.  Of course bragging about one’s athletic skills or trying to appear youthful makes perfect sense when you think about the motives underlying such behavior – trying to attract and/or keep a mate – let’s just call it the reproductive dance.

Many of the things we normally do are motivated by our unconscious desire to reproduce.  Even people who take active steps to avoid reproduction still do the dance.  Every day research reveals how seemly trivial behavior is somehow links back to our reproductive desires.  Take the high heel shoe.  Research on the biomechanics of wearing high heels shows that “heels led to increased femininity of gait including reduced stride length and increased rotation and tilt of the hips.”  So there you have it.  Wearing high heels isn’t comfortable; rather it forces women to adopt a sexy stride.


Friendship First

By Truth About Deception

More research is continuing to show that friendship is the most important quality to have in a romantic relationship.  People, who consider their partner as their best friend, are much happier than people who base their relationships on love and passion.  The problem with building a relationship on passionate love is that passion fades over time.  In most cases, passionate love fades around year two (and people start to look for excitement elsewhere).  Relationships based on friendship and compassionate love can last a lifetime.  Although putting friendship ahead of passion may not seem all that romantic, doing so, is what makes a romantic relationship work.


Money Can Buy You Happiness

By Truth About Deception

Money can buy you happiness, if you know how to spend it wisely.  There is an insightful story in the New York Times today, about how accumulating things does not lead to happiness.  In fact, it often leaves people feeling empty.  A key quote from the article:

“Intuitively, we know that the best stuff in life isn’t stuff at all, and that relationships, experiences and meaningful work are the staples of a happy life.”

New research affirms the idea that buying possessions does not increase one’s overall sense of happiness.  The relationship being spending money and happiness is quite clear.  Spending money to buy material objects does not make people happy.  Although it might create a short-term rush of excitement, it does not make a person happy in the long run.  Spending money on experiences that are not shared with others does not make people happier either.

So, what is the best way to buy happiness?  Spending money on shared experiences with loved ones greatly increases people’s feelings of satisfaction.

The moral of the story – spend your money doing things with the people you love.  Doing so, will add meaning to your life.  Happiness involves sharing experiences with others, not purchasing things for yourself.