Relationships, Infidelity and Deception Blog

Look Inside My Head

By Truth About Deception

An age old question is being addressed using modern techniques.  When an individual lies, are there detectable differences in their behavior?  Or in this case, are there detectable differences in their brain activity?  (Yes, you need to have an MRI machine handy).  Well, it all depends.  Brain activity does change when people lie, but this happens when the person being interrogated believes that technology can be used to detect deception (similar to what happens during a polygraph test).  In real life, like when you cannot place your spouse in an MRI machine and ask them questions, detecting deception is extremely difficult to do (see,detecting deception).


Keep It Hot

By Truth About Deception

So many factors influence our behavior.  In fact, it is not possible to be aware of all of the factors that influence how we treat each other.  New research shows how temperature has an impact on how cooperative we are.  People, who were holding a warm object in their hands, were more likely to act cooperatively, than people, who were holding a cold object.

Human behavior is complicated.  The more we can identify the factors that influence our actions, the more we can use that knowledge to create beneficial outcomes.  So, the next time you want someone to act in a cooperative way, offer them a cup of tea or coffee.  It just might make them more willing to help you out.


Facebook Infidelity

By Truth About Deception

Most couples know what the rules are when it comes to interacting with others.  There are lines that romantic partners are not supposed to cross.  Yet, when it comes to online encounters, the rules are not so clear.  What counts as cheating or being too flirtatious online?  New research shows that flirting online can be just as damaging to a relationship as cheating in the real world.  The implications of this research are straightforward.  Couples should establish clear rules about the types of online activities that are acceptable.  Don’t let the ambiguous nature of online flirting cause real damage to your relationship.  Make the rules explicit and follow them.

If you wouldn’t do it face-to-face, you probably shouldn’t be doing it online either.


Is It Cheating? Depends on Who You Date?

By Truth About Deception

Nobody sees the world exactly the same way.  When you are in a relationship, what is considered appropriate behavior largely depends on your partner’s style of attachment (see, attachment styles).

Anxious individuals were much more upset when their partners engaged in the behaviors listed below.  Dismissing individuals were much less concerned when their partners acted the same way.

Behaviors more likely to bother an anxious, but not a dismissing partner:

  • Emailing pictures of themselves naked
  • Texting erotic messages to someone else
  • Watching a pornographic movie together
  • Sleeping in the same bed
  • Holding hands
  • Staying in the same hotel room
  • Spending lots of time together
  • Accompanying to a formal event
  • Going out to dinner
  • Talking on the phone several times a week
  • Kissing on the cheek
  • Sharing secrets
  • Hugging for more than 10 seconds
  • Calling when upset about their relationship partner
  • Taking a road trip out of the state
  • Telling dirty jokes

What counts as cheating really depends on who you date.  Anxious individuals give their partners much less leeway than dismissing individuals.  All the more reason to understand how attachment styles influence what happens in a romantic relationship.

The entire study can be found here.


Like a Flower

By Truth About Deception

Romantic, passionate love has a very short shelf life.  If you are madly in love, enjoy it while it lasts (about two years).  But, don’t build a long-term relationship on passion.  Relationships work best when they are built upon friendship and compassionate love.  The key to a long lasting relationship?  Mutual affection, respect and concern for a partner mixed in with novel and exciting adventures.  A summary of the research can be found here.