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Snooping on my boyfriend and feeling alone |
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Tuesday, 23 December 2008 |
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It's not really a secret, but I have a bad problem snooping and always questioning my boyfriend of a year and a half. Girls get that intuition that something isn't right. And until you find out what that something is, you keep worrying about it. That's the case with me. I had found two different "dating websites" not even really dating websites -- kind of porn. Both I found separate times. But when I confronted him about it he told me I needed to stop snooping that he isn't hiding something and that maybe one of his friends used his email for that. Even though all the information matched his. Like his address and such. The things on the websites were disturbing, like "MILF LOVER" and "I'm fun and blankable" like he was trying to find girls to get with. I had also found out that he was talking to a girl from Texas that he knew over myspace a year before me. Then he had started to talk to her more while we were in our apartment together. I found out over her texting him one night. I waited for a week or two then finally asked him because she told me he was telling her he was going to marry her some day and that he was going to visit her then she was going to live with him, things like that. He told me it wasn't true that she was just some psycho in Texas. He even messaged her, called her and told her to stop lying. Not too long ago I found out cold evidence as he sat next to me. Shocked, he finally admitted it to me. After all it was right in front of our faces. And this was two days after I found messages from a girl around the same time he told the Texas girl these things. And those messages were saying that MAYBE one day he'd be with the girl he was talking to, if she broke up with her boyfriend, and then he was telling her that he was dating the biggest bitch of all, and that the only reason he was with me was our apartment lease. I had been hurt once before. What was I getting myself into? So that night, he had tried so hard to talk to me more about it to apologize. I gave in. I love him so much. He also told me that he went to a strip club instead of the hookah bar a week earlier, that he felt so bad for lying. What more could he be lying about? I had also found gay porn things typed into the BearShare I had once. My roommate said it wasn't him. Which I do believe. Because it was around the same time I found him looking at just porn on my computer which it took him a whole day of him lying and blaming it on our roommate to admit that it was him. Just hasn't admitted to the gay porn stuff. Now he has deleted his myspace. I have deleted mine. And the only thing I have is his email and password. I don't see who he texts. Which bothers me. He used to always delete his texts. And I think he still is. I don't know if he's still lying... But I don't know if I can believe that if some one can lie this many times, and hurt a person this then they can finally stop lying. Is that true? I'm hurt and alone.
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