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Snooping and Spying
Sometimes I snoop or spy.
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I've been reading my wife's e-mails |
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Sunday, 31 May 2009 |
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I read my wife's emails. I shouldn't have. I was suspicious about her behaviour and had to know for sure. I found out that she had been seeing another man last year, a man who was a mutual 'friend'. When I had asked her directly in the past she had said they were just friends. I felt betrayed. I had to confront her about it. I told her that my sister had found out about it. She didn't believe me. Accussed me of reading her emails. I lied. Swore black and blue that I didn't read them. I feel so guilty for reading them. She should be the one feeling guilty for seeing him and lying to me about it. |
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I've been snooping on my boyfriend |
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Saturday, 23 May 2009 |
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--Such a long entry, but well worth typing out--
I am a gay male and have a loving relationship with my boyfriend of 7 months. He has been nothing but caring, loyal, honest, and faithful... except for this:
I installed a server/client software on my boyfriend's laptop which lets me download any internet browsing history and view it on my laptop. I have never needed to do this until one day he secretly made an online dating account, which contains no personal info at all. I confronted him about this issue, and he admitted to making such account to "spy" on ME, since we both had our real profiles on that site. I believed him.
But ever since, I can't stop digging into his emails, and searching through his browsing history. I feel like crap every time I do, because I really should trust him... but I can't.
But back to snooping... I've been using this program to monitor what websites he goes onto for over a month now. From my observations, he logs into porn blogs to see pictures of "uncircumsized genetilia". I confronted him why he does it, and he says he "doesn't like them" but "they look interesting to look at." I feel hurt and left out, because I am circumsized. The fact that he is looking at other uncircumsized genitals makes me feel like he would rather be with someone who isn't circumcized, since it obviously seems to be his preference. I tried showing him how it makes me feel. He hasn't admitted to stop logging into these sites, so I continue drowning myself in my sadness.
He also checks Craigslist's "missed connections" and "men seeking men" personals. I confronted him about it, and he says that I would never understand, and that he only reads them for the entertainment. So, I told him how it makes me feel like he is "looking" for something, or someone, and that it makes me feel hurt. So he promises that he wouldn't do that anymore... That's when my software that I installed came in handy. A few days later, I see traces of Craigslist - and the porn blogs.
The other day, I went to take my dog out to walk for a good 20 minutes. My bf and I were also fighting at the time. When I came back into the house, he was on his laptop. I went onto mine, downloaded the data, and found out he was on Craigslist. I didn't say anything.
One time, while he was doing "business" on the toilet and left the door open, I snuck my head through the door and saw him looking at the porn blogs on his cell phone, and I also seen text that resembled that of Craigslist's missed connections. I know what I saw.
What makes me upset is that fact that he does this when I am not around. Which then makes me wonder how far would he go if I were to be gone for a long period of time. It also upsets me that he had "promised" not to do it, but he still does it. I erased the Craigslist bookmark on his phone this morning. See if he finds out.
Well, I'm not sure if anyone is willing to read this super long entry, but it sure took a lot off my chest just by typing it down. Maybe when the time is right, I'll show him this entry. But I feel really guilty that I am snooping around and worried that I might be snooping too much. But my boyfriend's internet behavior has led me to this, and I can't seem to stop... unless he stops first.
He's off work in 6 hours... I think I'll talk to him when he gets home.... Wish me luck. |
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Snooping on my boyfriend and feeling alone |
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Tuesday, 23 December 2008 |
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It's not really a secret, but I have a bad problem snooping and always questioning my boyfriend of a year and a half. Girls get that intuition that something isn't right. And until you find out what that something is, you keep worrying about it. That's the case with me. I had found two different "dating websites" not even really dating websites -- kind of porn. Both I found separate times. But when I confronted him about it he told me I needed to stop snooping that he isn't hiding something and that maybe one of his friends used his email for that. Even though all the information matched his. Like his address and such. The things on the websites were disturbing, like "MILF LOVER" and "I'm fun and blankable" like he was trying to find girls to get with. I had also found out that he was talking to a girl from Texas that he knew over myspace a year before me. Then he had started to talk to her more while we were in our apartment together. I found out over her texting him one night. I waited for a week or two then finally asked him because she told me he was telling her he was going to marry her some day and that he was going to visit her then she was going to live with him, things like that. He told me it wasn't true that she was just some psycho in Texas. He even messaged her, called her and told her to stop lying. Not too long ago I found out cold evidence as he sat next to me. Shocked, he finally admitted it to me. After all it was right in front of our faces. And this was two days after I found messages from a girl around the same time he told the Texas girl these things. And those messages were saying that MAYBE one day he'd be with the girl he was talking to, if she broke up with her boyfriend, and then he was telling her that he was dating the biggest bitch of all, and that the only reason he was with me was our apartment lease. I had been hurt once before. What was I getting myself into? So that night, he had tried so hard to talk to me more about it to apologize. I gave in. I love him so much. He also told me that he went to a strip club instead of the hookah bar a week earlier, that he felt so bad for lying. What more could he be lying about? I had also found gay porn things typed into the BearShare I had once. My roommate said it wasn't him. Which I do believe. Because it was around the same time I found him looking at just porn on my computer which it took him a whole day of him lying and blaming it on our roommate to admit that it was him. Just hasn't admitted to the gay porn stuff. Now he has deleted his myspace. I have deleted mine. And the only thing I have is his email and password. I don't see who he texts. Which bothers me. He used to always delete his texts. And I think he still is. I don't know if he's still lying... But I don't know if I can believe that if some one can lie this many times, and hurt a person this then they can finally stop lying. Is that true? I'm hurt and alone. |
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Full of doubt after reading my husband's e-mail |
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Monday, 24 November 2008 |
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My husband and I have been married almost 4 years. About 6 months ago, I saw via the internet history on our home computer that he had been visiting a dating website. I asked him about it and he said it was just out of curiosity. Still, I wanted to know more. I made a lucky guess as to his e-mail passwords (he has 2 different accounts) and discovered a months-long correspondence with a young woman. Nothing "intimate" but worse (in my view) some kind romantic, "mushy" "soul-mate" type of things. That has stopped at this point. But I also discovered that, before we married, he had had an intense relationship with someone who now lives far away (another country, and that they have maintained contact since we got married. He apparently didn't even tell her that he had gotten married until 2 years after the fact. She even asked him to have a child with her. He still emails her and tells her how much he loves her and that he will always love her, and he tells her that his life is miserable and he is living "in agony." And yet, he has always been sweet and attentive and loving with me, telling me how much he loves me. So now I find myself doubting and wondering what is true. |
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Question my boyfriend after snooping |
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Tuesday, 07 October 2008 |
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I was dating this guy for a few months, and everything seemed perfect. He proposed to me, and I accepted. We were in a long-distance relationship, the first time I've ever tried it. I came to visit him and was using his computer, when I found pictures of him posted on myspace, where he was partying and singing karaoke with a girl. He had told me that he gave up this lifestyle because he wanted to settle down with me, but those photos were from two weeks ago. I confronted him about it, and we supposedly resolved it. No more lying, he told me. But just today he left his myspace logged on again, and I was a snoop. I found messages from his ex, saying she's still in love with him, and messages from multiple girls, where he was flirting, and never mentioned that he was in a relationship with someone else. I'm hurt. I know people make mistakes, and I'm wrong to snoop, but what does it take to find a man who will be honest? |
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My husband accidently sent me a text message meant for her |
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Sunday, 05 October 2008 |
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I found out that my husband was text-messaging a co-worker when he sent me the text instead of her. He was at work that day and so was she. I wasn't sure why I was getting this strange text message and wrote him back. Within seconds of this text he called me back. I did a little investigating and found out that they have spent a lot of time together. He claims it is nothing. I'm furious but before I do anything else, I am gathering all of the information that I can. I have a friend who is a Private Investigator. He has helped me get her name, address and photo of her. To add insult to injury, she is quite ugly. I also have put in spyware on my home computer. It costs about $50 but was worth the price. I checked all my cell phone bills for strange numbers. Never thought I'd be having to do this kind of stuff as a 40 year-old married woman with 3 sons. |
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I cannot stop snooping on my boyfriend |
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Saturday, 06 September 2008 |
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I cannot trust my boyfriend. On one occasion, I drove secretly at night to his house to see if he was home when he hadn't answered his phone. On another occasion, I created a profile on an online personals service for the sole purpose of checking to see if he was using HIS account on that site. This is unhealthy and I need to learn to trust him. |
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I am obsessed with snooping on my boyfriend |
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Tuesday, 17 June 2008 |
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My boyfriend has a female co-worker friend that he spends time with outside of work. They have worked together for 3 yrs. I was honest an told him it made me a little jealous and that I hoped he would be more open about their relationship and the time they were spending together. Then I found out that a planned vacation with co-workers was only with that one female friend. He lied to me about it, and then said it was because he knew I was jealous and didn't want to make me upset. I don't know if anything happened... he doesn't seem like the type to cheat. After that, I started snooping... I found text messages where they said they love each other. I confronted him. And the issue became me snooping and not the inappropriate content on the messages. He claims they love each other only as best friends. I promised not to snoop anymore... but I just don't trust him. Since then, I read his emails, msn conversations and facebook messages. I try to check his text messages, but since he knows I checked before he always deletes them. Even though I haven't found anything incriminating and I really believe that he didn't cheat on me, I still can't stop snooping. I am obsessed and I don't know what to do. |
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I have been using a nanny cam to spy on my husband |
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Thursday, 05 June 2008 |
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I have been carrying this on my heart for 9 months and haven’t told anyone. Last July my husband started staying up later than I and I would get up around midnight to get a drink or something and he would be in the living room on his laptop computer, when I would walk in he would close it so I got suspicious that he was on a porn website or something like that. Well Sept. 15th he thought I went to bed but I decided to stand outside the window and watch what he was doing on his laptop. He went into a "secure" file and what I saw made my heart sick. He had nude photos of himself and he had pictures of (fully clothed) people that he knew way back in high school and he would put his picture close to them. Weird yes!! He was clearly excited about this. By the way he is 58 years old. When he went to bed I confronted him about this and he felt really bad about it and said he was sorry. I forgave him but I can’t forget. I eventually did forget about it and 6 months later in March of this year my computer broke down so he brought his laptop home from work and let me use it. I play lots of games on there so I downloaded a game and then deleted it so not to mess up his computer then I went into the Recycle Bin and there was a naked picture of my husband that he took the night before and then I went into photoshop and found young girls in bikinis that he likes looking at. I was just frozen because he told me he wouldn’t do that anymore. I waited until Friday after we got home from work, he was going to print out our taxes and when he punched print, it printed out his nude picture and he grabs it real quick and said that’s an old picture. I told him no that I found it and it was dated on the 31st of Aug - a night that I went to bed early. So he lied to me about that. He said once again that he was sorry and I do believe him but once again my heart hurts because I used to trust him so much and now I've lost that trust. I think about that all the time. That’s not the part that I'm hurt over. I still don’t trust him and so I bought hidden nanny cams so that when I do go to bed I can watch to make sure he's not doing that. Well he talks to his brothers wife because his brother has been gone off and on and I don’t mind that but what he does is talks to her about his job (He's a firefighter and Paramedic) and as he is talking to her he is touching himself and is excited about this and I don’t think its her. I really don’t know but this bothers me so bad. I don’t know whether to talk to him or what. It is ruining me! I cry all the time thinking that maybe he wants me to look like her or that he finds her more attractive. I don’t know and I can’t tell anyone. |
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Snooping is ruining my marriage |
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Friday, 09 May 2008 |
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I started snooping on my spouse's cell phone statements and credit card statements when I could catch them before he got them and hid them. I would open the envelope on the side, not the top, and then glue it back together after I looked at it. It has been more hurtful than helpful, but I feel like I need information to make an informed decision about whether or not to leave this marriage. How much am I supposed to endure? When he says he is going to work one day and then a month later I see that he called a stranger's phone number and had a credit card charge at a restaurant on that very day, what am I supposed to do? I keep hoping that the next statement will be "clean" - that I can stop feeling like the fool I obviously am. This spying has become an obsession and it's very unhealthy for me. I guess I should just own up to it and tell him I've got to leave this marriage because I'm turning into someone I despise. It's a twisted, weird, and sick game. The hardest part is trying to figure out how much of this situation evolved from my part. I'm obviously very fearful of conflict, because I avoid confronting him with my findings (I'm also ashamed of myself and don't want to admit that I have sneaked into his mail, although as a married couple I think mail should be open to either one of us.) I've confronted him a couple of times and he went on the offensive and hurt my feelings even worse. I feel like I'm being torn apart into such tiny pieces that I'm virtually dissolved into nothingness. |
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