Truth About Deception

Well I have to get this out there. I recently found out that my now husband has been cheating on me since before we got married. He wouldn't have sex with women. He would dominate them and get BJ's from them. He says now that there was about 10 women. He told me last night there was also 3 MEN. I'm astonished. He said he will never repeat it and never tell anyone. I'm having a hard time even admitting that I married this man. He's lied to me for the majority of our relationship. I'm tired, exhausted from all my feelings. I'm shut off today mentally to escape all the pain. He doesn't know but I'm preparing for the worst. Divorce. Just in case. I have proof of his online acct that he joined after we were married. So, if we get a divorce I have proof. For alimony. I'm extremely hurt. We started counseling yesterday. I don't know what to do. I'm trying to give him his chance, but some days I don't know if he deserves it.

I feel like I am falling out of love with my husband. I am afraid that I will not be able to love him the way I used to because of the things he has done. I am afraid he will leave me no choice because he will continue to lie to me, and think he can keep things from me. The worst part is that I will not be as devastated as one might think you should be at the demise of a marriage.

I feel like a hypocrite.

I just found out that my wife had a boyfriend when we first met and that she dated both of us for almost six months in the beginning. In one of our first conversations, she said she hadn't been intimate with anyone in almost two years. I have sine found out that not only did she have a boyfriend, but when ever I was out of town on business, she would sleep over at her exes house. I feel like an idiot. She assures me that she hasn't cheated on me since we got married 3 years ago, but I feel stupid just finding all of this out now. I pleaded with her to be honest with me a week before we got married, clear the table sorta speak and she said there was nothing to say.....

I would have left her on the spot had it not been for the fact that....

I cheated too..

I am hurt, and I feel betrayed, not by the fact that she cheated, but by the fact that I have asked her a few times and she lied and never took the opportunity to me and tell me on her own....   I had to find out in a very embarrassing way....  I don't know what I should do.

Ever since my wife told me after 8 years of marriage that she lied about her sexual past, I can't stop feeling hurt and used. I am generally not judgmental but I felt that I had a very strong sense of my own value system and wanted to share my life with someone who had the same values. I do not know how to stopping feeling bad about this. I know it has changed me, I am tired of having this feeling.

I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for about a year and a half and we talk about marriage all of the time. On the surface, things are great. I have so much love for him, but lately I don't find him as sexy as I used to. He's having financial problems (I've loaned him 4K thus far), he's often down and out about his career, and on top of everything we don't have much chemistry when kiss. He also doesn't make the effort to make love like he used to. I've also realized that he doesn't really pay attention to my needs like he should so I've started being stingy with my love. Wrong, I know. Well, a few days ago I was a party and ran into a guy that I've been out with a few times (just as friends) and we ended up going back to my apartment (drunk) and we made out. I was totally aware of what I was doing and even went as far as to not allow us to kiss. I also refused to have oral sex with him - the guilt took over. In our all night make out session, he gave me 5 orgasms through touch alone. My boyfriend has never been able to do that even with oral and penetration. I still love my boyfriend and I will never tell him. But now, I have to get this guy off of my mind, which will happen with time. I explained to him that it would be very difficult to hang out now that we've crossed the line between friends and lovers.

If my boyfriend were to find out, he would be completely devastated. He thinks I'm perfect and would never cheat. He was right but at this moment, I'm a little too sexually frustrated with our relationship and I was wide open.

• Hoping to be sexually turned on by my boyfriend again one day soon.

I have been living with an emotional manipulative person up until recently for 22 years and we had reared 5 lovely boys (youngest is nine). There have been many accusations, isolating friends and loved ones from me, conducting affairs behind my back. There has been an affair carried out under my nose. This year the ultimate sting has been carried out where I have been led down the garden path and in trying to keep us together admitted things I had never done. In all that time she never called the police or went to the doctor over the alleged abuse by me. This was used in court against me with the judge giving a barring order because of a text message I sent which was I admit nasty. I sent the text on the morning of fathers day when my wife had not returned home after leaving at 6 pm the previous day. I called our two eldest boys to give evidence and though they backed my story I am where I am due to the unequal laws of my country. I am now glad to be away from her although she will now try to hurt me in other ways. She has already tried blackmail over my personal possessions. I don't believe she will ever admit any responsibility in this but maybe when one of our sons gets the same treatment at the hands of a woman she will see things different. I spent 23 years building a home and a family with this toxic person and when she decided she had got the best of me and no more was left to give in her opinion, she has tossed me aside like a piece of dirt. We hear about the power of men but this is true power. Fair play to my ex she did a good job on me and now she can await the emotional demise of her own sons in the comfort of the home we had built together.

I have doubts about the relationship with my current boyfriend because I think he has a gamming addiction. We also have a very different lifestyle and have a lot of differences on how we think of the future. He doesn't have any goals and dreams and I am the opposite. I have goals and dreams. He also can't please me in bed. I believe in liberation sex for women and I like it a-lot more than he does. I realize our love styles are different but when I have tried telling him how I feel and what I want in the past it just seems like he doesn't listen because he doesn't do anything about it and just makes excuses. I don't know how to address these issues to him without feeling like an asshole. I am not good with confronting people about my feelings. We are also long distance relationship most of the time and when we are together those doubts are still in the back of my mind and I don't know how to tell him anything. Also I talk dirty or talk about sex with other men or women online sometimes when I'm most sexually frustrated. He doesn't call me and most of our discussion is about gaming and I want to talk about other things but when I try to he makes excuses like saying he's too tired and can't think and doesn't know how to answer. When we first met we played 20 questions a lot and even though I haven't ran out of questions he seems to have ran out of answers and I'm bored.

My husband came out of the closet after 25 yrs. of marriage. He says he still loves me and wants to stay married but I am in a sexless marriage now. He emails guys and hooks up with them. I read his emails to these guys.  He doesn't know I log into his account and I know what he is doing.

Not only did I discover my husband had been lying to me within hours of our marriage, he was engaged in BDSM behaviors inviting women into our home. He has to be the dominant person. I traveled for my profession, and he managed to have multiple affairs for the past ten years. I feel as if I am the most stupid person in the world.

I feel frozen and don't know what to do. Since I can't seem to move, I am frozen.