Truth About Deception

I have a problem, and I know the only way to get over it is to admit it to myself. I hate it. I have cheated on every boyfriend I have had, only one time per boyfriend, but that is more then enough for it to be a problem. I know now the guys before weren't guys I was going to end up with forever, but I am now dating this guy who is so much better,so amazing, treats me so well, the best I have ever had. I had a stupid horrible drunk sex episode with a friend that was only for him to get off and I got nothing out of it, except the guilt of " why can't I control this? -can I ever be faithful" I guess the best thing that I am getting out of it is the fact that I have finally admitted it to myself. I have always admitted my faults for other things to the people I have faulted, and I feel so much better, so I have to start here and admit to myself. I have read all over this site, and have a lot of ideas of how to cope with this. I want to be a great wife, have a great family and kids one day, and feeling like this wont let that happen. I know we are all not perfect, but this I want to be perfect for me. I do not want to cheat, whether this has only been a couple month relationship so far and we still really only call each other friends, I have cheated. I like this man more than anything, I was weak and stupid for getting myself in the situation, I knew it would happen, and always alcohol has put me there. I am too nice, and let myself get taken advantage of way too easily. I don't want to be mean, but I must be realistic. I must listen to myself more often. I promise me, from this day out... I will not cheat. I must follow through with my goals, be who I want to be, be true to me. I am sorry to myself for not being honest with myself, you are silly me, why cant you just take care of yourself the way you say you want to??? Hmmmm? Well here is my time to start. I can do this, I am STRONG,and SMART, I will overcome this. I will. GIVE ME STRENGTH. I love you me.