I'm secretly using drugs.
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Boyfriend thinks I've stopped smoking pot |
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Friday, 25 September 2009 |
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My boyfriend thinks I haven't smoked weed in about a year and a half. I was supposed to stop because he asked me to but my friends smoke so it was very hard to quit. I would say I'm addicted, but I hope to quit soon. I always feel so guilty that I still smoke, but I love to smoke and I love my boyfriend too... |
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Problem with drugs and alcohol |
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Monday, 29 December 2008 |
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...completely and totally addicted to drugs and alcohol.... I am deceptive with family and friends.. I've stolen from my family ever since I was young... I'm intelligent enough to know whats going on is wrong just to foolish to do anything about it. I'm really tired of switching friends every three yrs because I do something completely wrong to them or they see me being an ass and I'm to ashamed to talk to them again. Guilt is starting to play a bigger part in my life everyday now. It sucks. I'm mid thirties and have no better idea what to do with my life than a teenager. Only bright spot is I have a g/f who is willing to stick this out with me. Hopefully, I won't screw it up like the rest of everything else I seem to. |
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Alcohol abuse is ruining my life |
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Wednesday, 15 October 2008 |
My relationship is about as crappy as it gets in my eyes. I'm jealous, emotionally abusive, hypersexual and a secretive alcohol-abuser.
My fiance is no angel either, but the pain I cause her is not fair.
I spy on her phone and email activities, I accuse her of cheating if a guy hits on her; I accuse her of cheating when she won't feed my screwed up sexual appetite.
I wait until she goes to bed, or visit family out of town, so I can drink. I tell her I had to stay over an hour or two at work so I can get drunk before I get home. I lie to her constantly so I can feed my desire for alcohol.
I feed my hyper-sexuality with pornography while she sleeps. I haven't cheated on her though - I just couldn't bring myself to that, or bring home a disease.
The only reason she stays with me, in my eyes, is because we have a two year old son and she is four months pregnant with our second, and I am a great provider financially.
I've made accusations that another man fathered our child when everyone we know or meet says my son looks just like a mirror image of me. I can't count the times I told her I was going to get a DNA test to be sure.
I wish all my problems would just go away, or I would die suddenly, so I could end this for her, and end my mental torment I face every day.
I don't know where my life took this turn, I had a messed up childhood, but so do most people I've met; everyone has their story. My parents never drank alcohol, so I don't know where that came from. I drink even when I don't want to.
A female cousin molested me when I was a child, and one of my brother’s friends did the same thing when I was nine.
Maybe that's where all this crap comes from but I don't really blame all that because up until I was 21 or so I didn't have these problems. Now, I'm 25 and can't stop thinking about sex or alcohol, or talk respectfully to my fiance, or even trust her.
I just wish I could go to sleep and not wake up. I'm 25 and feel my life is already over and I'm a failure. |
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I abuse alcohol behind my wife's back |
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Tuesday, 09 September 2008 |
I secretly abuse alcohol. I wait until my wife is in bed, or out of town and go to the store grab some booze and get slammed. I drive to a store or park to dispose of the evidence in a public trash can. She knows I have been a chronic abuser but thinks I have stopped, but I haven't. I drink when I don't even want to, but because it might be the only chance I have for another few days.
I wish I could tell her and get help, but I can't. |
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Wednesday, 28 February 2007 |
I knowingly married a woman without telling her how much into drugs I still was. I even knew that I had hepatitis-c. I'd been told that it could only be transmitted by blood but I still kept it a secret. I really wanted to not use, and be a good person, but I'd keep on using, and be sneaky about it, lying all the time.
The relationship is in shambles and I'm kind of hating myself. I'll pick up and try again. Maybe, I can start to live an honest life. The pain, guilt, doubt and stress that are the result of lying are unbelievable. |
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Wednesday, 28 June 2006 |
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I’ve been on the methadone program on and off for a few times. I’m 25 now and I don't know what to do with my life right now. When I was younger I didn't really understand why people committed suicide. And now I understand why. In the past I was thinking of killing myself because I was withdrawing from methadone but I think again that there's more to life than getting high. Or there’s more to it than trying to escape from reality or escape from being stressed out and family problems. I know now that using narcotics won't solve any problems but make it actually makes it worse physically, mentally and also emotionally. I hope that other drug addicts will one day see the reality and the side effects of long term drug use and teach their friends or children about it... |
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Monday, 06 March 2006 |
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When I go out without my partner, I engage in using drugs with my friends which he had previously insisted I not do. |
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Sunday, 19 February 2006 |
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Sometimes I can't stop myself from eating to the point where it is kinda gross. I have no idea why some days once I start eating I can't stop. Even if I don't care for what I am eating. I look fit, healthy, and trim. Nobody would ever guess I stuff myself to such a point on some days. Sometimes I eat an entire box of my roommate's cookies and run to the store to buy a new one so she doesn't notice. |
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Thursday, 20 October 2005 |
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I've been on meth for months and am ashamed that I'm addicted to a drug. I don't tell anyone but I'm sure they know. I don't know how I'm going to quit. I just know I have to. |
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Thursday, 20 October 2005 |
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I am embarrassed. I was married for 15 years and hid my addiction to prescription drugs from my spouse the whole time. We are now divorced due to his habitual cheating, but I feel that I was no better with the secret I kept, and still keep. |
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