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My secret is that I was cheated on by an ex, as soon as I broke up w/him I met someone on myspace which I have never done before. He seemed perfect. He swept me off of my feet and told me that my ex was so stupid for losing me because I was such a wonderful woman. We moved fast, we were living together after 2 months. Everything was fine, after being together for 5 months I found out I was pregnant. It was not planned and I was contemplating having the baby, the night we found out he had made plans already to go out with his boys. I told him to still go out and I stayed home, thinking about the fact that I was pregnant. The next day I looked in his phone and found a girl’s name he just put in from the night before, when I confronted him he choked me and gagged me with the other hand, threw me on the floor kicked me and choked me again I could not believe he did this when I just found out I was pregnant. He never put hands on me before. Then later I read abuse often times starts during pregnancy or after something that ties you together and makes it hard for you to leave. After that about every 2-3 months he would choke me. It got over more and more stupid things like just not liking the tone of my voice if I was questioning him about something. Then, when he would get really mad at me he would rape me sometimes. He is Mr. Perfect to everyone else, great job, athletic, friendly and social, very intelligent, etc. I think that is why I could not believe what was happening he was so manipulating that even I didn’t see him for who he really was. I did lots of research on abuse; one thing it said was they almost are always also cheating. I just did not think he would ever do that, he rarely went out without me and when he did I was usually invited and just didn't want to go. I finally ended things when I got suspicious he was going to bars by himself during the work week all of a sudden staying out really late. I looked in his phone, called a number and it was an escort! There was another girl he met and took to dinner who I also talked to. I made the decision to leave him that second. For some reason even though he physically, emotionally and sexually abused me, it took finding out he cheated to leave him. I excused everything else like "well at least he doesn't cheat, at least he has a job, etc. at least I like his family," but when I found out that my fiancé whom I was having unprotected sex with since we were living together and engaged put me at risk for stds I was DONE! I am actually happy I found out he cheated because I should have left him over the abuse, he choked me about 15 times in three years, locked me out of our home in the middle of the night in the winter, I had to hide keys outside incase he did that again, which he did. He would take my car and leave me places and I would have to walk home. I just adapted to this life and tried to not make him mad. I was miserable, yet ok with it. It has been 4 months now that we have been broken up, we owned a house together and it took the whole last 4 months to remove him from the house, so of course even though we were broken up he still mentally abused me and knew I was living in fear that he still had rights to where I was living. Now that he is off my house I feel so much safer. I am almost 28 and it is hard being single when I thought I would have a family by now, but I cried almost every day with him and almost zero since I left him. So that says something. I am so much happier and it was the hardest thing I went through in my life breaking it off with him (he made it very hard of course) but I am so glad I did. I am completely traumatized from him and have major trust issues so I am not getting in another relationship for awhile. I just spend lots of time with family and friends and they make me feel safe and loved. I am telling my secret because it feels good to get out all the disgusting things he did that I can’t tell my friends, and I want people reading this to know that if you are being abused, it will be the hardest and scariest thing you do leaving him, but you will also be the happiest you have ever been and you will take back your power he took away. If you can leave even if you will be broke or sleeping on a friend’s couch, if you have kids, etc. still leave. NO one deserves the stuff I endured and many other women endure every day. I thought it was my fault for a long time, now I know he was just a sick person and I almost feel sorry for him. It does get better, it does get easier, and I can sleep at night peacefully now without being scared I will get raped or choked. I could not be happier now. Plus, I know the warning signs and will never let a man treat me this way again. Ladies be strong, use your friends and family, I truly think he would have choked me for too long one time, and killed me whether it be by mistake or on purpose, I almost gave up and just took him back during the 4 months of getting him off my house because him, the bank everyone and everything was working against me. I am so much happier, I am proof you can leave someone you love so much that abuses you. I really loved him and wanted to be with him forever, but crying yourself to sleep every night is a pretty good sign you need to get out! I still have sadness of missing him sometimes, you know these relationships are confusing because they are not bad all the time, you can have a wonderful time together, but the next day get beat up or choked or threatened. Real men do not do that. Men that are insecure and need to manipulate women to feel good are who do that. If you are being abused and you are unhappy- LEAVE!!!! It will be your first step to happiness. You will feel empowered. I now have all of the power, he begs for me back and I get to say HELL NO! And I can say that because now I don’t live with him and he has no rights to my home. I am so proud of myself for doing it. I never wanted to; my best friend had to beg me for almost the whole time I was with him (which actually made me want to just prove them wrong so I tried to stay with him even harder). Men have the choice to walk away, leave the house, etc. They have the choice to abuse you or treat you right. If you are with someone who chooses to abuse you, you have the right to leave! Stay strong ladies and you are not to blame and you are not alone. Good luck to anyone reading this.
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