Comments for workplace affair at http://www.truthaboutdeception.com , comment 1 to 6 out of 6 comments http://www.truthaboutdeception.com Thu, 20 Nov 2008 04:56:52 +0100 FeedCreator 1.7.2 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/workplace_affair.html#comment-1672 Now you must decide your future. Do not believe him more. Be quick. - kukkoo Fri, 26 Sep 2008 04:30:03 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/workplace_affair.html#comment-1442 Dear Lou Lou, I guess the question is, can you see yourself without this man who you cannot trust. Trust is huge. We do invest so much of ourselves in men, go out of our way to please them, etc, but here you are again in this situation. I think it is good to look forward to your own life and how to make a living for yourself to support your child. Men do also threaten, but mostly to control you. How can someone honestly love you and cheat. I think the awful part is always having to feel suspicious, who needs it. You deserve more than that, you are not at fault. Remember that, you have given him many chances and here you are again. Do not waste more of your life, time. it is precious and you will feel stronger if you stand on your own. That is my two cents. I have been in this situation and I did not like the person I became during that time. Not myself. - Missymoo Sun, 22 Jun 2008 00:50:25 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/workplace_affair.html#comment-1417 I found out my hubby was cheating through my own investigative work..and a 5 month old in tow with me. I contacted the other girl..and I do mean girl.She said that nothing was going on and apologized profusely if she did anything to give off that impression. I still was not satisfied.My husband was gone all the time, getting phone calls at all hours of the night, we were hardly having sex, and when we did..he made sure it was over with as soon as possible..almost like he felt guilty for having sex with me(his wife). I confronted him nicely, but ended up balling. He wiped my tears and told me nothing was going on.Then said if I kept accusing him of stupid stuff than he might consider a seperation. I knew for sure at this point he was cheating.My hubby would have normally comforted me , not threaten me...the truth was he was threatened and didn't want to deal with the situation. He then told me that I was losing my mind, and perhaps should consider some antidepressants..he said my erratic thinking must be the baby blues. I loved my hubby and trusted him. The signs were clear a year ago..but it took me a year of second guessing myself and trusting my hubby to finally see the truth. I went on vacation to visit my family, and when I returned I found hair types that were not mine, a bra in my underwear drawer that wasn't mine, and the girl's multiple account information on our computer.My hubby still lied to my face.Turns out that she came and stayed in my home whenever I was away.When I left he threatened to kill himself, and begged for me to give him another shot.I didn't want to..I finally wasn't hurting anymore..after such a long time of it, and during such a precious time too(my daughter's first 2 years). He begged and begged. I gave him another shot.It has been almost 2 years since then.The first year was dynamic, loving, passionate, considerate ...It was amazing. The next 6 months after that things kinda settled back to a slower pace..I understand we can't all be on top of the world all the time. The past 3 months..my hubby has been withdrawn, complaining about my body changes post baby(below the belt..literally). Which hurts me, because I gave birth to a baby..I have gotten everything in better shape than it was before I had a baby...but I have no control over that..and I find it hurtful.He almost seems like pick fights at times, to create the illusion that our marriage has turmoil..I think he does it to make himself feel better or less guilty. I think my hubby is having an affair again, with a 20 yr old girl that works for him.What amazes me is she's a lot bigger than me, and she's not very bright. She just laughs at everything.I sat across from her for about 3 hrs at an event. My hubby was doing stuff their, so we had a lot of time to talk. She asked me a lot of questions about our relationship, about how long we dated before we were married, and if I wanted anymore kids?? I smiled and politely answered her and asked her a few mundane questions about her own life...I caught her staring at me quite a few times. After I told her how happy we were and other things...she started getting drunk.Then when we left ..I saw my hubby make his way across the event to say bye to her..of course there were other people over their too...but I watched him tap her on the shoulder , too which she turned around..he looked around right after tapping her on the shoulder, and saw mw seeing him. He looked very nervously away,.said bye and started walking toward me...I asked him, he promised me nothing was going on..but then again he has lied to my face before..for a year and a half he lied to my face. So I don't know what to do. I don't have it in me to go through this again..it was so hard and so hurtful..it really broke my heart and crippled my spirit. I got through it last time...and then he begged and begged and I went back..If I have allowed him to hurt me again..I will never be able to forgive myself or him. Why is it that we invest so much love into each other, just to use it against each other??? I love my husband with all my heart and soul...I just wish I knew one way or the other....I told him..if you don't have the decency to honor me with faithfulness, at least have the dignity not to lie to me and tell me the truth. Call me crazy, but I think I am at least entitled to the truth, how ever horrible it may be...It has to be better than living in suspicion..This is killing me. - Lou-Lou Fri, 06 Jun 2008 12:56:51 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/workplace_affair.html#comment-1130 I decided to contact the other woman as I had to know the extent of their relationship. I took a friendly approach as the last thing I wanted was to scare her off. What I found out was such a surprise but I can honestly say that I am glad I did it because to live in a state of uncertainty was destroying my life. All the time I thought that she would be younger and better than me. She isn't! She works with my husband, but doesn't have a position of power like I suspected, but is just a mail sorter. I thought theirs was a passionate relationship, that he must love her if he would risk losing me, but she confirmed that they hardly had sex and she was confused also about their relationship. From the information she gave me I was able to build a better picture of my husband and the "man" I thought he was. In a way it has helped our relationship to shift from the state it was in towards something different. I no longer have him on a pedestal and fully realize that he has weaknesses and failings like everyone else. I realize that although he has never shown it, he actually needs to be admired and to feel important. I am giving him lots more attention and praise and I can see that his response is very positive. I am slowly pointing out to him that perhaps the "affair" itself took on a life of its own and he became addicted to the buzz it gave him. He agreed that something like that was happening because he realized that he had nothing in common with the other woman but he did like the attention she gave him. Its early days yet, but I know now that whatever happens I will survive it. My advice to you would be to keep calm and like the experts say, don't accuse him. Once you are sure of your facts, speak to the other woman and find out what their relationship is about. You might be surprised at what you learn. In the meantime, carry on with your life, don't show him that you are about to crumble. Keep strong and positive and portray to him a woman who can take on anything. - Nancy12 Fri, 25 Jan 2008 03:33:49 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/workplace_affair.html#comment-1076 Don't leave your husband solely on suspicion you have no facts that would stand up in court for grounds of infidelity. Iowa women is single and messing with a married man that shows she have no dignity or morals about herself, so she prey on others men. Fight for your marriage go to counseling. If he really wants the relationship to work and truly loves you he will go through hell and high waters to gain your trust back. If you think the secretary is cheating with your husband. Ask her to meet with you for lunch one day and talk over your assumptions with her. You can tell a lot by someones body language and gestures made when certain questions are asked. Do not speak to her over the phone you need to see the facial expressions. Better yet treat her to a day at the spa tell her its for appreciation for her hard work, and charge it to your husbands account, after all its his secretary "business expense". Bringing this to the light to him and her will bring shame in her life, but be careful if he really wants her this may put your relationship in danger, you have to be ready for the unknown. - Sun, 30 Dec 2007 07:43:24 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/workplace_affair.html#comment-1036 Yes your husband is definitely cheating. Unfortunately, I am one of those people that work with a married man and I have been having an affair with for one year and can't believe his wife has never suspected anything. I know if I was married and saw any of the signs you saw I would know he's cheating. Trust is a huge factor in a relationship and if I was married I would leave him now. I could never look him in the eyes or ever sleep with someone that could do that to me. If you truly love someone you would never do that to the one you love... - IOWA WOMAN Mon, 19 Nov 2007 22:14:47 +0100