Comments for problemlying at http://www.truthaboutdeception.com , comment 1 to 26 out of 20 comments http://www.truthaboutdeception.com Thu, 20 Nov 2008 05:07:01 +0100 FeedCreator 1.7.2 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/compulsive_lying/problemlying.html#comment-1523 I lied a little here and there teeny lies that didn't matter to me . When I was confronted with the truth I wasn't even sorry because my little lies never hurt anyone or upset anyone . The biggest lie told to me was by my ex finacee who SWORE that he loved me SWORE that he'd never hurt me and that was the biggest lie from someone who goes on and on about how important the truth is . The truth is only important if you make it . Someone's lie is another person's reality. Lying about your age, your academic qualifications and achievements are sometimes even encouraged in the society we live in and it would seem that the most cruel of lies , the most damning and hurtful of lies is always encouraged by those who feel they have been victims of liars that is the lie that they LOVE you. My fiancee NEVER loved me otherwise he wouldn't have lied so easily about it and that is the hardest lie to swallow not some stupid lie like age, or where you're from. People place TOO much emphasis on things like that it's pathetic . You should always tell the truth about YOUR feelings and the rest will follow. - Lullu Sun, 03 Aug 2008 07:11:19 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/compulsive_lying/problemlying.html#comment-1508 I have just ended a relationship with someone I now know is a pathological liar. Up until a month and a half ago, things seemed fine aside from an increasing distance I began to feel between us. Suddenly, he completely cut off all contact with me and I could no longer get a hold of him at all. I was worried sick because I was sure something bad had happened to him---it was completely out of character for him not to call me. In desperation, I contacted one of his friends and asked if he was okay and what was going on. He informed me that the guy I loved and had been having a relationship with was a pathological liar. He has had another girl friend all this time he was with me and had lied about me to his friends. I discovered through his friend that there are countless amounts of lies he has told me right from the start. I made an attempt to contact his "girl friend" to warn her about the guy she was with, but she didn't want to hear it. I can only assume he has manipulated her the way he manipulated me (ie. telling her that he has a "crazy" ex). I am so hurt, confused and most of all pissed off that this has happened to me. I treated him extremely well and invited him into my life only to be made a fool of. I feel stupid for believing him and trusting him. There is nothing left to do but just move on. There is no rationale in insanity. I realize that this is a mental disorder that requires professional attention and I hope that he, and everyone on this site gets the necessary help. One day you will hurt the wrong person and they may turn to negative outlets to heal the pain or even worse take their own life. I, however, am stronger than that...I fear the next girl he preys upon won't be so lucky. - used and confused Mon, 28 Jul 2008 11:04:31 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/compulsive_lying/problemlying.html#comment-1413 THIS IS AN INSANE TRUE STORY, MORE INSANE THAN ALL THE LIES: My freshman year of college, one of my best friends at school turned out to be a compulsive liar and a thief... possibly a sociopath/schizophrenic. She is probably going to jail now for grand larceny, identity theft, impersonating police officers, and a few other smaller charges/felonies. AND all these charges are against our other friends, she stole money from us and pretended to be us and cops. It's all incredibly intricate and hard to explain without having experienced it, after all she is a brilliant compulsive liar. On top of all this, we all lived together in a five person suite. Basically my entire freshman year was a lie. She literally lied about almost everything, even stupid things that didn't matter. One of her acquaintances from high school also went to college with us and I became really close with him... when she finally got arrested for this theft that'd be going on all year, I talked to him about things she told us about her past. Lies. I've never experienced this before, though I do have experience with addicts, and reading this site has made more clear what her problem really is. What I mean is she blamed it all on a drug addiction, which I never really believed. (That's how I stumbled on this website.) But my experience with drug addicts in my life made it incredibly hard to believe this story, regardless of the fact that it was obviously a lie since even the facts of the story ITSELF didn't add up. But she does have an addiction, it's just not drugs. Now she isn't going to get the help she really needs. I'm not sure what to do or if I even want to do anything... none of us have talked to her at all since she was arrested, partially because we were advised not to by our detective. I just can't believe she might get off with this drug addiction story when her real problem is lying and spending. Does anyone have any opinions on this? - the doctor Tue, 03 Jun 2008 01:00:52 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/compulsive_lying/problemlying.html#comment-1322 Today, I told my boyfriend that I have lied about many things to him. I never thought I was a compulsive lier, I just knew that lies seemed to always be coming out of my mouth. Now that I have done some research, I am sure I am a compulsive lier. I lie out of habit and mainly about my past. My boyfriend is the only one I have told and I know I need to tell others. I am so scared that I won't be able to stop and that I am to good of a liar for people to tell. He says he is there for me and I am so incredibly great full, I've been crying about it all day. I feel like he can still trust me with important things, and that this shouldn't change our relationship, only make it better in the long run. Most importantly all my good qualities that he is falling in love with aren't effected and I am going to improve myself, whether I can do that by myself or am going to need help, I am going to stop. I know this because the only reason for me lying is myself-no childhood secrets or repressions - I am just insecure and scared. AND I AM GOING TO MAKE MYSELF BETTER. And I am so happy I found this website, this is helping me so much. Thank you. - lovefish16 Sun, 20 Apr 2008 23:41:21 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/compulsive_lying/problemlying.html#comment-1144 It was very nice to know about this website. I read a lot of comments and I´m very thankful to have more informations about it. I was getting into this site because I wanted to find out what happened to a friend who always lied.And now I find out she was a pathological liar comparing what the information tells about and my experience from her and even from friends I have talked to. Ever since I was going with her I did not remember that she never talk without lies.It was too bad for me because sometimes I feel like a part of it when she tried to used my name as a witness in front of somebody she talked with that all of a sudden I can just say "yes"even without any confirmation. I don't know if it is right to interrupt her telling lies by denying if she will try to used me but I don't want her to feel ashamed in front of somebody. Its been few months for me to observe her and thought it was only a co-incident to hear lies from her but I find out when she tells one story to me and it was very different when she tells it to my friend.And exaggerate simple happenings... I really have a hard time to trust and attached to her because of his wrong doings. In fact, I was about to keep away from her because I really can´t understand why she´s been doing it. But it would be unfair if I will not tell her what is wrong. So I guess I have to do something about it... Can I have some good ideas how to handle this? I have plans but it would be very nice to have from you especially those who had experienced... - simplyconcerned Sun, 03 Feb 2008 16:03:17 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/compulsive_lying/problemlying.html#comment-1142 I just ended a long friendship with a pathological liar and it is difficult because she lives across the way/street from me and gives me dirty looks every time she sees me outside. I try hard to ignore her, her anger at my confronting her and ending the friendship is so nasty, so far she hasn't said anything to me but sometimes I can't help but wonder if she couldn't be a danger to me. I had never known anyone like this in my life so it took me awhile to figure out that she was one big walking, talking liar. My personal opinion is that if anyone knows that they know a pathological liar and still insist on being friends with that person then you are a much bigger person than I am. I have read up on it so that hopefully I will be able to know if anyone has this issue in their life so that if they do I can get the hell away from them....PDQ !!!! - Margaretlynn Fri, 01 Feb 2008 20:11:49 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/compulsive_lying/problemlying.html#comment-1046 I've faced this week, maybe for the first time in my life, a problem that I've ignored for years... a problem I've simply denied or ignored as a "problem" at all. But now that I've grown close to someone who is intuitive enough to catch on to the seemingly meaningless pointless lies that come out of my mouth every day, my relationship that means the world to me may be in jeopardy and that scares me enough to face myself... I lie for no reason about things that don't matter. Not to hurt anyone or manipulate situations or to get attention, but just out of habit I think, compulsively. The root of it may have been something more significant and I'm searching my life and memories for how it may have started... When I lie I don't even realize I'm doing it most of the time. In fact reality and lies blur in my head, I sometimes question real events like I have to recall that I lied about something and think about what really happened or didn't. I have to get to the bottom of why I do this. I have to stop. it's not too noticeable from the outside because I don't lie about big things so to speak. If I do I'm very aware and I always feel guilty when I think about my lying. My little inconsequential lies have over time made more elaborate lies easier to tell and thats BAD, again only when it "doesn't matter" like calling into work or or getting out of something trivial or avoiding a pointless lecture or criticism... I'm so good at it. I can make up complicated scenarios on the spot with ease if need be, but most of the time its little stupid things. I lie even when the truth would have been perfectly sufficient and theres no reason not to tell the truth... the problem is I feel terrible. I generally think of myself as being a good and honest person. They say your word is all you have. When I tell the truth about important things my lover doubts what I say and its so frustrating and painful. I don't want to confess that I think I may be a compulsive liar and destroy my relationship or any chance of trust. Do I have to confess to anyone but myself to change? I think I need to get help, counseling or something to help get to the root of why and hopefully stop. My heart goes out to everyone who understands this struggle. Thank you for your comments. Its good at least to know I'm not alone. - just want to stop Thu, 06 Dec 2007 00:03:01 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/compulsive_lying/problemlying.html#comment-1042 I am a liar. A compulsive and pathological one in the same being. Shattered627, I hope you haven't given up. I have caused this pain you speak of and the feeling I have inside is so bad, it just cannot truly be expressed in words. I would lie to hide from my emotions and I eventually began to believe that some of the lie I would say were reality (someone else mentioned this too). I have come to grips with my problem and the original question asked took the words out of my mouth. I am sorry for my lies K and the pain. Nick - Nick Fri, 30 Nov 2007 18:22:47 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/compulsive_lying/problemlying.html#comment-1023 I'm really impressed with this website. And it was interesting reading through everyones comments above. I'm starting to realize that I fall under the pathological side, and I'm having a hard time with that fact. You see, I'm in a long painful process of losing the woman I love as well and you guessed it... due in most part to lying. I lied and lied and lied. I lied about lies and lied to cover up all of those lies. I would give false pretenses that I was coming clean, only to lie worse than the original lie. I can look back on it and realize the complete ridiculousness. To think about some of the things I lied about, it just doesn't make any sense. I've done a lot of soul searching over the last couple of weeks. I can say that it probably started with me wanting to live up to my parents expectations. They were either completely blind, or weren't mature enough in my youth to deal with it head on and just assumed it was a phase I was going through. Well between then and now, it's just become completely ingrained in my psyche. What started as a bad defense mechanism for dealing with low self-esteem, has carried on for so long now that I'm actually a reasonably happy person. But it's all a facade. I just haven't admitted it to myself yet. - Decepticon Wed, 07 Nov 2007 16:27:02 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/compulsive_lying/problemlying.html#comment-1018 Hi Alison, Compulsive lying is difficult to treat because there different causes for it. Compulsive lying can be due to habit, overwhelming need for approval, or a personality disorder. Effective treatment requires addressing the underlying cause. Working with a counselor or therapist who has experience treating compulsive lying is the best option available. - Tad Mon, 05 Nov 2007 12:17:18 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/compulsive_lying/problemlying.html#comment-1017 So it has been established that there are a lot of liars out there, but I'd like to know, what is the best course of action for a compulsive liar who is aware of his lying and wants to stop it? Therapy? What kind? Thanks to anyone who can offer some wisdom on this. - Alison Mon, 05 Nov 2007 10:07:32 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/compulsive_lying/problemlying.html#comment-1001 My sister is a compulsive/pathological liar. I am not trained in the science so I don't know which one; but I do know that having her in the family is like have our own walking, breathing "cancer". She lives a fairy tale and she wants to make sure that everyone participates in her fantasy. I was becoming sick with trying to keep a relationship with her. I stopped trying one day, after hearing another lie from her. My siblings always told me to pray for her or to keep loving her and she would probably come out of it. I can't do it any longer. I confronted her through an email that I addressed to all of my siblings at once, so that everyone will get the same information at the same time and not have to hear any lies. I told her that I wanted to be left alone and that I knew that she lied to everyone and that I thought that she needed help. She sent us all an email in response. I was told that she used a lot of profanity in telling me where I could go. I did not read her email nor did I respond because I did not do it to cause a family feud. I wanted her to know that we are aware of her lying habit. I don't regret what I did and I now feel free. I think that she should have been told years ago. - Marcie Fri, 26 Oct 2007 15:11:57 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/compulsive_lying/problemlying.html#comment-984 I am a compulsive liar!!! Everything I say is a lie >:( - Hannah Wed, 10 Oct 2007 07:41:42 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/compulsive_lying/problemlying.html#comment-961 I HAD a friend... she was one of my best friends, and she is a pathological liar... we lived an hour away for 6 years so it never really bothered me that much, I just didn't give any importance to what she was saying until i had the proof that it was true. But recently we decided to move to a different city together for the summer. I thought it would be cool, but I quickly realized that her lies are out of control, she manipulates every single person she talks to, when confronted she throws temper tantrums and always ends up getting her way. She lies about EVERYTHING... even the most simple things, things that you don't need to lie about, no one can trust her or take her word for anything. And she hurt me so much.... I don't even know if she can be helped, it is truly ridiculous. I agree with the person who commented above... hopefully Karma will play a role in this. - ... Sun, 30 Sep 2007 22:45:21 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/compulsive_lying/problemlying.html#comment-952 After nearly 3 and a half years of trying to help my boyfriend confront his problem with lying, I again, was fooled into thinking he would change. I don't know if professional help can really get someone over being a liar, I haven't had the respect to see him try. Over time, the lies have gotten bigger and worse until finally last night I discovered a terrible lie. At first, when the lies began, I would take his word that he wouldn't let it happen again. And now, I'm the fool who believed it one to many times. I'm the one who is sitting here feeling this way because of his choices... It's just not fair. I wish they could have even the slightest inkling as to how a lying partner makes the other person feel. Karma better play a role in this, because it's NOT FAIR! >:( - shattered627 Thu, 27 Sep 2007 05:34:30 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/compulsive_lying/problemlying.html#comment-926 I really want to say it is wonderful to hear you say that I need to confront a liar. My ex- husband to be soon, has a huge problem with lying and I actually had to tape record all phone conversations to prove that he was lying about everything. He and his girlfriend used my credit cards, my name, everything. He is truly a compulsive liar and has been the whole time we were married and I caught him over and over and now through the divorce I have to tape record because he says I am crazy. He manipulates and all. I can't stand it, but I know he is incapable of changing and has a mental problem that I cannot handle or even try to deal with, I tried for 14 years and took beatings, drank with him, and his cheating, lying, stealing and everything. I really have to figure it out because he is teaching our children. - ms kim Sun, 02 Sep 2007 18:20:57 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/compulsive_lying/problemlying.html#comment-914 I reacquainted myself with someone I knew from High School. He told me this incredible story about a broken and shattered prior marriage and "losing" his son. The more I've been around him the more I catch lies between what he originally said and what I have learned. He keeps memorabilia from this past relationship, emails sent back and forth over 5 or 6 years, journals and letters he stole from his ex, and I couldn't resist reading them and seeing her interpretation of their life. Between that and an "old friend" of his that visited recently I have a pretty clear picture of this man as a pathological liar. The first night the friend arrived I laid in bed and listened to him tell one lie after another to this friend. When I asked him about this story he was telling he simply said it was done to get his friends interpretation of this story he was sharing. A couple of days later the friend and I sat comparing notes and arrived at the same conclusion. In my case I think this man knows he's been discovered and is planning on leaving rather that deal with his lying. I read a previous comment someone had written about her boyfriends response when confronted and in my case it comes down to a long answer that never is an answer or just silence. It's hard to see what a person could be, most of us would give anything to have his level of education and skills, and yet watch it all thrown away in a series of lies. - Annamia Wed, 22 Aug 2007 16:37:51 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/compulsive_lying/problemlying.html#comment-907 I just had my heart broken by a compulsive/pathological liar. I have always prided myself in being honest. Turns out he lied about his job, past and a ton of stupid little things that don't even matter. He felt so guilty, that he just upped and left one day. He has asked for my forgiveness which I gave him, but not to ease his guilt. I realize that I can never trust this person again. I wasn't going to contact him again, but after reading about liars and reading your comments I'm going to suggest he get help. Then, I'm going to have to walk away. Even though the man I fell in love with wasn't real, the emotions that we both felt were. This is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. He lost the only person he'd been in love with, but maybe that's what it took to change. Good luck to all of us. - lost love Sat, 18 Aug 2007 16:51:45 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/compulsive_lying/problemlying.html#comment-851 This page has helped me so much. I lie and know it's a lie when I say it, but I repeat it so many times it becomes the truth to me. I just lost the only person I ever loved because I can't control myself. I don't think everyone believes me. As a matter of fact I know who people who don't and that doesn't matter. I still Do it. I don't know what to do to change it, but I will try. And hopefully succeed. - Uncontrollable Sun, 15 Jul 2007 20:01:47 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/compulsive_lying/problemlying.html#comment-839 I just took the house keys away from my son, the liar. I told him he is not welcome in my house due to his lying. The most recent lie that I heard he told was to his girlfriend. "He was born prematurely and only has 15% function of one of his kidneys." This from a man who "won 3 National Collegiate Wrestling Championships." (Honestly, he was born perfectly healthy within 10 days of his due date, and has never attended a day of college and has not wrestled since Jr High) It makes a mother so proud... - Liars Mom Thu, 05 Jul 2007 20:51:55 +0100