Comments for LoveLess Marriage at http://www.truthaboutdeception.com , comment 1 to 5 out of 5 comments http://www.truthaboutdeception.com Thu, 20 Nov 2008 05:48:48 +0100 FeedCreator 1.7.2 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/relationship_problems/loveless_marriage.html#comment-947 My wife seems to think chores and work are the end all to everything. I thought I was fortunate that my day off was a school day and that my wife and i would be able to be alone and re-connect. I was wrong. She does nothing but make work and is always to busy and then is too tired at night. I have given up in having any type of intimate relationship with her. I would just like a little unsolicited affection. - The Quiet Man Fri, 21 Sep 2007 15:05:59 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/relationship_problems/loveless_marriage.html#comment-598 My wife found this old friend from school whom she hadn't seen for ten years all of a sudden he's texting her messages on her phone and twice I found them. He wanted to know whether falling in love with her would destroy her relationship. I told her this sort of friendship is dangerous to our relationship she promised to stop seeing him, but she secretly goes to see him where he works. The more time she spends with him the further apart we drift. - jayjb2000 Thu, 22 Feb 2007 06:33:31 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/relationship_problems/loveless_marriage.html#comment-528 Lack of communication is the ultimate culprit in destroying any relationship. Why not try to rekindle he feelings you have had with your wife prior to tying the knot? Set a date and pretend she is he other woman. I know it sounds cheesy however it is evident that you still have some feelings towards your spouse if you do not want to break her heart by telling her about your "friend." Sometimes we all feel like throwing the towel but then our spouse/partner does something or says something that reminds us that he/she is someone special. You took the time to get to know them, fell in love had a family. you connected. Why? What bonded you with her? If you try and she is still giving you the cold shoulder, tell her that there is more to marriage then just sharing the same bed. Love, respect and trust are the key elements, and when you loose one the rest just follows. - beyza Thu, 01 Feb 2007 06:51:37 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/relationship_problems/loveless_marriage.html#comment-524 I hear what you are saying and it isn't that much like you think. I don't see this other person that often at work and I really don't know her that well. At an emotional level I just feel right and safe around her in a way I have never felt with my wife (or really anyone). I ended up speaking to my wife about this. We are now talking and connecting more than we ever have -- once we both agreed a divorce was what we wanted. We both feel we are better friends than spouses and that we are too much alike in a way that causes us not to complement each other and fit together as spouses. Sort of like the way two like poles of different magnets will oppose each other but unalike poles attract. We both are sad and feel good to have known each other and we will continue to care about each other. We also feel both of us will probably be better off and if it proves that we end up coming back together we will do so knowing we were wrong to think we weren't right for each other. At first she got accusational and asked if I was having an affair but I explained I really barely know this woman and while I didn't want to get to know her better behind her back, I could see that possibly happening if I wasn't honest and it turned out this woman was as attracted to me as I am to her. We both agree that my interest in this woman is a symptom and not the cause of our marital drift. It is interesting how much more vulnerable it makes me to be interested in this other person and not be in a relationship anymore. I realize a lot of my craziness for this woman has been imagination based on a special attraction I feel for her on several levels. I have talked to her and I think she likes me too but I am also afraid I may end up rejected. Either way, i realize being divorced is something that is right for me at this time. I need to re-connect with myself and get out of the emotional dishonesty I had fallen in where I pretended I was okay but was very unhappy inside and felt discarded. My wife and I plan to stay in the house together till it sells then she will move to where she has a support network of family and friends while I'll remain in this area and find an apartment. What makes me feel good is that wife and I now are connecting and talking more than we ever have. I hope this other person and I become friends, but I am not sure how to read her lately. maybe I shouldn't have told her so soon I was getting a divorce and that I would like to get to know her better. But at least for once in a long time I was honest and asked for what I wanted. If I don't get it at least I tried and at least I am growing. Feedback? - heartsick Wed, 31 Jan 2007 20:27:02 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/relationship_problems/loveless_marriage.html#comment-516 I wonder if you have thought about whether your wife is happy with you? Do you know what her needs are? Do you care? Of course you connect with the other woman, if she works with you, you must be spending a lot of time "seeing" her. Then when you talk, you say you "connect", well you are hardly going to talk about emptying the garbage or some other mundane topic. What I am trying to say is, why haven't you made love to your wife in over a year? Why don't you talk to her the same way as you do this other woman? If you have tried all of these things and your wife has not responded, then I am sorry, perhaps it is time to end the marriage, but, talking from the point of view of a woman who was treated in exactly the same way by her husband, I can tell you that in a lot of cases, the husband just lost interest in the wife and wants to try his luck with someone new. - Nancy12 Tue, 30 Jan 2007 18:19:59 +0100