Comments for Wife Emotional Affair at http://www.truthaboutdeception.com , comment 1 to 9 out of 9 comments http://www.truthaboutdeception.com Thu, 20 Nov 2008 04:21:49 +0100 FeedCreator 1.7.2 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/snooping/wife_emotional_affair.html#comment-1356 My ex-husband still doesn't see he had an emotional affair with a co-worker. Who btw just happened to get divorced right before us and within 6 months they were actually dating? We would have been married 30 years when the divorce happened have grown children and grand children. I always knew in the back of my mind that I was too trusting. It's been EXTREMELY hard, but I have chosen to not be angry or bitter (although some days I can't help it) and to be basically friends with him. I decided all the anger and bitterness was just eating at me and not doing anything to him. I blame her as much, if not even more. She crossed lines that as a married woman you do not cross. I told my ex that. He is still clueless. They are both very intelligent people and should have known better. Out of two divorces I feel like I am the only victim. It turns out her ex-husband was having an affair. Even though I have been told there was no affair (physical--the jury is still out on that one as far as I'm concerned), I explained to him that an emoti8onal affair was in some ways more painful. He distanced himself from me emotionally and started sharing things with her instead of me. If it was just sex. that can get old real quick! I told him that you do reap what you sow and there are consequences to your actions. - DK Tue, 06 May 2008 15:33:17 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/snooping/wife_emotional_affair.html#comment-1349 My wife did not recognize or at least admit that she was having an emotional affair until more than a year after I first confronted her with it. She believed that she was not doing anything wrong. I finally showed her an article I found and she read it. She stopped the contact with this coworker but never really allowed my back into her life. She still believes that the problems in our marriage caused her to have this emotional affair. I feel that until she can fully understand the impact these affairs have, we will never be able to get over it. I love her but feel like I can never trust her again. - Eddie Fri, 02 May 2008 17:30:24 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/snooping/wife_emotional_affair.html#comment-1186 I have been gullible my whole "dating" life and throughout my marriage... Just don't turn a blind eye when all the signs are beating you over the head! - GoingInsane Aj Wed, 20 Feb 2008 17:30:46 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/snooping/wife_emotional_affair.html#comment-983 I have had much the same thing happen to me. We had been drifting apart over the past eighteen months and then my wife tracked down an old high school friend and began calling him and he her. They had never been anything but friends however she did have a crush on him in high school. I told them both I did not mind if it was once and awhile so it would not lead into anything more. That was fine to begin with for the first couple of months. Then the phone calls became two to three a week for several months these calls were on her cell phone and they sent pictures also, nothing unusual. When I checked the phone bill and confronted my wife about it and asked her if anything was going on she told me the same thing “they were just old friends talking about their kids and old times”. She agreed that the number of phone calls broke our agreement and she would stop. This was fine for several weeks then she began text messaging him on her cell phone a lot. Most of this happened when I was asleep because she worked nights and he drove a Semi mostly at night. The text messaging began to be flirtatious “like they did in high school”. Then one night in September she got out of bed and told me not to go to sleep she would be right back. She didn’t come back for hours so I knew something was wrong. I finally could not take it and got up and checked her phone. She had deleted almost all of her text messages but three when there over one hundred before. I then checked her picture mail and found that she had sent a very explicit picture of herself to him. Needless to say things went bad from there. I am trying to find away to trust her again and her suffering from Bipolar Disorder complicates the events and our healing. She still says that she was not and does not have feelings for him but I can’t believe her on this. I did talk to him and he said the same thing “I thought we were talking like old friends and kidding around. The picture caught me off guard and did not know what to think of it. I swear I will never talk to your wife again and I am sorry.” I later found out that beginning earlier that day her pictures to him began to be provocative and escalated in their nature to the first one I found which was the most explicit. From my experience if you think something is going one it is at least to some degree if not worse. - Andrew (Indiana) Tue, 09 Oct 2007 18:18:31 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/snooping/wife_emotional_affair.html#comment-810 I don't mean to automatically generate suspicion... but if there's one thing I learned, it was that if they know YOU well enough, it's easy to throw you off their trail, because they will know what would work the best.. The reason I say that is because I've been there with my fiance. The cheater tends to get more sophisticated in their concealing of involvement. I was called "paranoid" "insecure" "smothering" and all sorts of things when I started asking questions. I got a huge wall of defensive measures, but no proof to the contrary. It is my unfortunate opinion that the only way to tell is to investigate, all heels, ethical of not... as far as you can possibly go. It may not seem like a trusting activity on your part, but if I see red flags going up, I'd rather see the Dear John letter coming, than to get blindsided by a painful locomotive while my guard is down. - Chris (Ann Arbor) Fri, 22 Jun 2007 11:08:15 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/snooping/wife_emotional_affair.html#comment-399 Our best advice, now that you've expressed your feelings to your wife, and she's responded appropriately - is to let her handle the situation. If you contact him at this point in time, there is no way to predict how he might respond (see, [url=http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/question/quick_answer/confront_other_woman.html]Contacting the Other Person[/url]). At the very least, he is likely to tell your wife that you contacted him, and she will feel betrayed. You came to her with a problem, but then you didn't trust her to take care of it? And you never want to do anything that would create a sense that it has turned into a "them" versus "you" type situation. So, again our best advice is to get your wife on your side, by expressing your feelings, and let her take care of the rest. Hope this helps. - Expert Thu, 28 Dec 2006 16:55:24 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/snooping/wife_emotional_affair.html#comment-398 Well, I spoke to my wife, and she maintains the position that they are old friends. She, was keeping it from me because I had begun to disapprove of the relationship, and she did not want to upset me. She felt badly that I was hurt, and reassured me that nothing inappropriate was happening. She did agree to limit contact. Well, I guess I'll see what comes of it. I know he is coming on to her more outwardly. I'm wondering if I need to have a "conversation" with him? I don't want to let on how much I know right now though. Any suggestions? Thanks for the previous Comments. - :ASG Thu, 28 Dec 2006 16:36:24 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/snooping/wife_emotional_affair.html#comment-379 I am not sure quite how to respond to this, having lived in highly nuanced views of polyamory. I have agape type committments to two very monogamous women. These are till death do us part. If they are hiding anything whatsoever from their husbands, the relationships would implode immediately. - Mickbic Sun, 24 Dec 2006 16:34:04 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/snooping/wife_emotional_affair.html#comment-369 I understand how you feel... really. If you read my story on [url=http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/discovering_deception/friend_husband_secret.html]My Husband and Best Friend Hid Things From Me[/url]. You will see I have been in the same situation. My husband says he had nothing for my friend other than she was "our friend." He didn't hide phone calls from me but he didn't tell me about them either. Emotional affair or not.... it was wrong and I feel betrayed by them both. In a marriage neither the husband or wife should ever take the chance of hurting the other one's feelings or causing such doubt that it makes you wonder if anything really is going on. Believe me snoop all you want to and don't feel bad about it. Had I snooped a little bit earlier I would have been enlightened much sooner and caused myself a lot less grief. - Jan1209 Fri, 22 Dec 2006 14:38:27 +0100