Comments for Friend Husband Secret at http://www.truthaboutdeception.com , comment 1 to 11 out of 11 comments http://www.truthaboutdeception.com Thu, 20 Nov 2008 06:07:38 +0100 FeedCreator 1.7.2 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/discovering_deception/friend_husband_secret.html#comment-1044 P.S. Cain - If my hubbie starts to resent me I really could care less!! That is the very least of my concerns...and he is quite aware of that too. ;) - Jan1209 Tue, 04 Dec 2007 12:50:03 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/discovering_deception/friend_husband_secret.html#comment-1031 Thanks for the two comments below my last one! I guess everybody has their own opinions - sounds like you two guys are just like all the other people who give no regard to anyone's feelings but your own - how sad for you! P.S. and yes your right - better be careful about who you hurt because TRUST ME if you were the one who did the hurt to someone that affects them for the rest of their life it WILL come back to you - four-fold! Thats one thing you can count on! Good luck. - Janet Sat, 17 Nov 2007 14:47:36 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/discovering_deception/friend_husband_secret.html#comment-1016 Would you like to hear the other side? I had an emotional affair with my husband's best friend that led to one sexual encounter. I was friends with his wife as well. Not best friends, but close. I have had a rocky marriage since day one, where incidentally the best man was the one I had the relationship with. I never, ever intended for things to go this way. I tried to keep things platonic, but as time went on, I developed intense feelings for this man. He was kind, gentle and understanding. He was the opposite of my verbally abusive husband and I fell in love. I should have ended the friendship. I actually would at times limit our time together and go months without seeing the couple. Then over the summer things just escalated out of control. It felt good to be heard and to have a pleasant place of peace when I was in turmoil at home. The affair was very quickly discovered and the relationship terminated. I am beyond sad and remorseful. I can't believe I would hurt my friend that way. She now hates me of course. I don't blame her. But it is sad that you don't trust anyone anymore. One bad experience is not the gauge for how safe friendships can be. Life happens. People make mistakes. Big ones. Be careful how you judge or it just may come back to you. Forgive her and him for your own sake. See if you can grow from this experience. Life is hard, but the hard parts make us stronger. - M.B. Sun, 04 Nov 2007 21:57:54 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/discovering_deception/friend_husband_secret.html#comment-1005 Or maybe your friend was trying to help you by ensuring that your husband wasn't so lonely while you were in your anti-social mood? There's a thought. Did they talk about anything more exciting than the weather? Did they even really conspire to keep it away from you or did that just happen and you interpreted it as such. Storm in a teacup is what this is. The worst possible scenario here could be that your friend was just looking for a bit of gossip by pumping your hubbie for info. e.g. "Has she gone crazy yet?", "Is she paranoid?", "Is her skin really that flawless or does she use some sort of mask?" Then again, you might be the paranoid type that believes that any communication between your hubbie and anyone else you know, must be vetted and chaperoned by you. Personally, if they weren't cheating and/or having an emotional affair, then they can talk as much as they want. Who knows, he might be able to get that secret recipe you never could get out of her. You made your hubbie feel like a heel for something that wasn't really his fault and never really happened. That's sad. And in time he might come to resent the fact that you made him feel like a criminal... and dislike you for it. - Cain Mon, 29 Oct 2007 05:53:53 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/discovering_deception/friend_husband_secret.html#comment-886 The only good thing that has come out of this since October 2006 and after comments from other real women, is that I am beginning to think that maybe.... just maybe there are still some good women on this earth. That doesn't mean I will EVER trust anyone again and this definitely has changed my life and my way of viewing the world, but surely to goodness all women aren't like these that we have encountered. I guess what I'm saying is "look at us, we would NEVER do the things like the women have done to us" and we should be proud of ourselves! They obviously have some BIG ISSUES with themselves to lower their standards to such a level. How sad for them. I am a firm believer in what goes around comes around but a whole lot harder. Glad its them and not us :) - Jan1209 Sat, 04 Aug 2007 15:19:56 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/discovering_deception/friend_husband_secret.html#comment-828 Its scary how many women 'friends' move in on their 'best friends' husbands. The exact same thing happened me as M.R. My friend's marriage was splitting up and she started crying on my husband's shoulder (but neither of them told me this was going on). Then, they starting texting and emailing each other every day as he wanted to "help her get through things". This went on for over two years while she came regularly to my home, often when she knew I would not be there. I don't really know what happened between them at such times. He has admitted kissing her but denies any more sexual contact. Eventually, a mutual friend saw them HOLDING HANDS in a coffee bar and told me. I was as hurt by her actions as by his but she just told me I was making too big a thing of it and that she does not consider what she did a betrayal of our friendship. Yet, after it was discovered, she continued to text and email him but stopped contacting me. Like Jan, this has changed my way of viewing the world forever. - Eliz Sun, 01 Jul 2007 12:45:39 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/discovering_deception/friend_husband_secret.html#comment-791 M.R., Thank you for the comment you left in May. Boy are you right "nice to have friends like this." This has changed my life forever. I think thats what people don't really understand until they are in this position. There are no "sorry's, or I forgive you, and lets just let this go" kinda stuff, its a lifelong hurt that will always be in my heart and mind of every minute of everyday. They need to understand that even if we do speak or never speak to them again (either of them that is) it has changed my soul forever. I don't know how people can sleep at night knowing what unrepairable damage has been done to someones life. I will never look at another person on this earth with confidence or trust anymore. Its just too risky to take that chance again and at this point I am not willing to. Even though life goes on the hurt is always there lurking in the back of the heart and mind. That I know will never change and thats really sad. - Jan1209 Sat, 09 Jun 2007 17:23:51 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/discovering_deception/friend_husband_secret.html#comment-761 This happened to me for over 7 months. My husband didn't like my friend up until last summer. Just so happens she got gastric bypass surgery and lost alot of weight. He hurt himself at work and was home for a few months and she decided to talk to him every and it got worse where they were contacting eachother 4-5 times a day. All of this behind my back. I discovered this was happening only 2 months ago. Instead of them letting it rest and leaving eachother alone, I put my differances aside and went on vacation with her and her family and my husband and her could not stop with the game playing with eachother and ruined our vacation. It's so bad, my husband wouldn't even show me any affection in front of her. Honey, I know exactly what your going through. Once you stop giving your husband any attention, he will look for it somewhere else....all men are the same. Knowing I am still hurt about all this, he still wants to keep in contact with her as HIS friend, not mine. Isn't it nice to have friends like this. - M.R. Wed, 16 May 2007 12:46:05 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/discovering_deception/friend_husband_secret.html#comment-444 I agree with Nicole. Your friend was definitely in the wrong. A similar situation happened to me. She crossed the boundaries of friendship. She would certainly see it that way if you were calling her husband. She knows it was wrong of she would have told you about it. My suspicion is that she probably envies you. I would confront her with the way this has made you feel. She betrayed you and should admit to that, if she doesn't validate your feelings, she not enough of a friend to keep. - Dbarbe1235 Fri, 12 Jan 2007 14:10:20 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/discovering_deception/friend_husband_secret.html#comment-358 Thank you for the comment. I really needed that this morning from an outside source looking in - Jan - Jan1209 Wed, 20 Dec 2006 10:14:53 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/discovering_deception/friend_husband_secret.html#comment-356 Your friend is definitely wrong to have done this, but don't get mad at your husband for it. He was probably just looking for a comforting shoulder and didn't even think of it as betraying you or being secretive, because he didn't want to worry you. It's her who was doing things behind your back instead of just telling you straight-out that she was "worried" about him and that you should try to talk to him. Men don't usually read into things as much as we do so I doubt he even saw the potential in this being hurtful. - Nicole1986 Mon, 18 Dec 2006 21:44:54 +0100