Comments for Girlfriend Too Many Rules at http://www.truthaboutdeception.com , comment 1 to 2 out of 2 comments http://www.truthaboutdeception.com Thu, 20 Nov 2008 04:32:43 +0100 FeedCreator 1.7.2 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/relationship_problems/girlfriend_too_many_rules.html#comment-795 I am this girl. My boyfriend is constantly trying to please me and comes out short all the time. My expectations are too high and there is no winner in this situation. First of all I am going to recap. 1. She wants you to tell her the truth, but if you do she will get upset. I'm sure she doesn't get upset every time. But its enough time to where you think lying to her would be the easier option. My advice DO NOT LIE to her. It will just cause damage in the relationship. 2. She wants you to talk to your friend but if you do it will cause a fight. The only way I can make sense of this is that she doesn't want you telling her "I won't talk to her, if you tell me NOT to". If your intentions are to talk to her even to end contact you need to tell her "I won't talk to her anymore, but am going to inform her of my reasons for ending contact" (b/c as you said its being courteous). 3.She believes you need time to resolve issues in your relationship without 3rd party interference, but she doesn't want you to end a relationship on her account. NO WRONG!!!! Quite contrary. You see she wants you to have enough confidence to talk to her. Enough confidence to trust in her to tell her what you need to without fear of the consequences of you doing so. She wants you to find out for yourself that talking to a 3rd party is causing more problems, than actual good. I doubt the 3rd parties advice is that great... b/c it doesn't seem to be helping your relationship. She wants you to end contact on the count her and your relationship! She does not dare tell you this b/c then it will cause her to feel guilty and she is afraid you might resent her - but this is where it becomes difficult b/c (just like me) she wants you to read her mind and well that is impossible. This is why I am giving you the 1O1. Please take into the account mutual friends or not. It doesn't matter. Jealousy still prevails. You want different outcome of a similar situation. You want her to react differently! Instead of talking to someone of the opposite sex, but have you even considered talking to someone of the same sex (and if you need a female perspective maybe talking to a family member would help... say mom)??!!! You'll be surprised what kind of double standards are out there... but in realty the outcome will be much different. 4. She can't believe that you talked to her again. This causes greater hurt in the relationship if she finds you had contact with her after telling her you wouldn't. She trusted that you what you were telling her was true and honest and that you were going to end contact for good. Plus you know how upset it makes her so why risk it? She can't read your mind either. She can't just know that you are going to call her b/c its the "courteous" thing to do. - whats love Wed, 13 Jun 2007 13:40:46 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/relationship_problems/girlfriend_too_many_rules.html#comment-266 Even if I don't know exactly what your girlfriend is feeling, I can relate and I hope this can help you understand this further a little bit. When I first started going out with my boyfriend I urged him to talk to me and be honest if we were going to be together, in the same way as your girlfriend to you. It all went well, in that we, too, could talk about anything. However, there were things he said that I did not like to hear. At first I reacted by putting him in no-win situations, deliberately hurting myself and him by the untrue fact that he was causing the pain and had no regard for my feelings. He was trying to please me when I asked these questions, as you your girlfriend, but it came off badly in both cases. The third-party issue has come up as well, and as I am a very jealous person, I get angry when he talks to this woman and even more so when he tells me about it. The truth in my case is that sometimes I want him to be honest by telling me what I want to hear, like that he hasn't been talking to her and doesn't want to again, or that he will stop it. When I don't get what I want, I explode, and he doesn't understand why if he was just being sincere. But I know that sometimes he will do or say stuff I won't be comfortable with, and your girlfriend should be aware of that, too. If she wants you to tell her *everything* the minute it happens, then she has to know for a fact that she might like what she hears as easily as she might not. And that there are things that you don't consider relevant (like the comment about her you're worried about) and it won't necessarily mean you're lying or hiding something. If she truly wants an honest relationship and really trusts you my opinion is that she should try to accept what you tell her without taking it all the wrong way. - .... Sat, 04 Nov 2006 00:55:09 +0100