Comments for Husband Compulsive Liar at http://www.truthaboutdeception.com , comment 1 to 55 out of 20 comments http://www.truthaboutdeception.com Thu, 20 Nov 2008 04:26:11 +0100 FeedCreator 1.7.2 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/compulsive_lying/husband_compulsive_liar.html#comment-1804 I am responding to a post written in January of 2007, I know the person, although I haven't met her in person but heard about her through my ex-boyfriend. I don't want to write your name and I won't. Your ex-husband is in the military, now stationed in New Orleans. I met your ex after he was your ex. I just wanted to let you know you were right on track about him. After I found out he was cheating on me, he denied it. Then after he was caught in the lie he only admitted to cheating once, which I found out was not true. I don't know how you put up with his behavior for as long as you did. I was so shocked at his reaction for cheating on me, he pretty much wanted to make me believe it was all in my head. He even had several profiles of himself online, some of them were on the "meet for sex" sites. I told him that I found out about the sites and his reaction was to tell me later happily that he took his profile off. As if that would matter. Well, I just wanted to let you know that if you ever thought your marriage ended because it was your fault or if you ever second guessed yourself, it wasn't you and I don't think he will ever change, because in his mind he doesn't think he did anything wrong. I doubt that you even come to this site but I wanted to talk to you about this. I guess I am wondering why a person acts and thinks that way and I am sure I will never fully understand why. - MeghanNewOrleans Thu, 06 Nov 2008 03:11:15 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/compulsive_lying/husband_compulsive_liar.html#comment-1661 I feels really good to know that I am not alone in this. I have been married to a CL for 14 years and we dated for 3 years before. After only a few months I knew something was not right, we were in an exclusive relationship and I would catch him talking to other women and then he would claim they were his cousins. He was charming, romantic and otherwise made me feel awsome. We ended up getting married and had two beautiful children right a way. He is an awsome dad but a dreadful husband. He craves attention of other women and can be very , very charming. Other women fall for him just like I did, but he tells one lie after another. If if were not for my kids, I would be gone. There is no telling how many affairs he has had, but recently one ended with an angry husband coming to my home and busting out the windows on his truck. He still insists that the guy is nuts and not him. He has gotten us so far in debt, we cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel. We tried splitting up but it tore the kids up so much, I let him come home. I love my children so much that I am willing to pretend nothing is wrong. But everything is wrong. He lies about where he goes, he has several cell phones so that I don't know who he is talking to. I believe that he is ADHD because he starts large projects on a regular basis and takes forever (if ever to complete). Any words of wisdom will help me out right now. - Hopeless. . . . . Sat, 20 Sep 2008 18:02:57 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/compulsive_lying/husband_compulsive_liar.html#comment-1504 I was with one for almost six years. I found out he was lying about being raised in Thailand,dating models,and winning the lottery. I found this out after 4 months of dating. I should have gotten out then. My friends were telling me "RUN!" I stayed in and thought we could work it through. I didn't realize then how deep this problem is. He was a nice guy and that got me really distracted from this illness of compulsive lying. I lived with him in two apartments and then moved to a really large house over the course of 5 years. When we got to the house, we got engaged. He broke the engagement off after a few months of wedding planning. It hurt like hell, but now that I look back, I am so glad that I didn't marry him. I wouldn't want my life to be filled with such dishonesty. I was losing respect for him as a person. He lied about the places that he's traveled (he didn't even have a passport!), he lied about jobs that he never had, he lied about anything that would make him feel important. When I caught him, I would confront him. I eventually noticed that he would go out with his friends when I was at work. I figured that he could keep lying to them this way without me calling him out. At the end of the relationship he told me that his self-esteem had never been lower than it had been with me. Wow! If anything, I was trying to build him up as a person and get him to like himself without the "fluff". Ladies, if you're willing to live like this, then go ahead.....but it's miserable. If something does happen, you won't know whether to stand behind you man or wonder if he's telling the truth. This illness is hard to cure. I know if I was married to him, we would be divorced by now. I want an honest man and I was lucky to meet one once the liar dumped me. We are married now and I don't have to worry about deception anymore. There is hope, but only if you get out! - joattawa Sun, 27 Jul 2008 08:00:01 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/compulsive_lying/husband_compulsive_liar.html#comment-1486 He won't change. Please, don't waste any more time on him. I know it is hard to stop - it took me almost 13 years and I still struggle some of the time - almost 2 years after we split up for good. It is almost an addiction, but if you want to, you can beat it! These guys are really controlling and for some idiotic reason we do things that are really very much out of character. I also put up with affairs and tried and tried and tried again. Very demeaning! Become your own woman again! You are young - plenty of time to find a nice new bloke and have kids..... It is actually better being lonely on your own than being lonely in a relationship. And bit by bit you will find peace and won't be so ridiculously nervous, tense, upset, tearful, emotionally dependent. I thought I would never get over him, but although it is taking time, I can feel myself taking more and more control of my life and have started laughing, singing along with the radio and being 'me' again. And you know what? I like myself better this way - without him. MUCH better. And so will you! And we all think we love them - so make a list of the things you love/like about him and another one of the things you hate/dislike about him. And be really honest! What's the bet that the second list is a lot longer? It will help you to make that break! Yes, I miss the nice bits, but now know that I will never ever go back - you can do it too! You know this is not going anywhere and do you really want to end up on your own in 10 years time? Having wasted yet more time having your heart stamped on over and over again? If he loved you, he would NOT do this! Do you want to throw your love at someone who is incapable of loving you? He no doubt tells you that he 'loves you to bits' 'you are the love of his life'.... we have all heard the words (a CL's blueprint!), but his actions show you that's all they are ..... words. If you love someone you do not hurt them - over and over again. And if this is an illness, do you want to be his Florence Nightingale and give up your life to it? Again..... start enjoying life! Have kids with a nice bloke some day. for God's sake do not have kids with this guy. Kids deserve better - as do you! Good luck! - maaike Thu, 17 Jul 2008 19:18:31 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/compulsive_lying/husband_compulsive_liar.html#comment-1478 Hi everyone, thank you all so much for sharing your stories, I too felt alone and as though I was going crazy but now I know that I am not. I an 26 and have been with my C/L for seven years. He also lied to me from day one. So many lies I don't know where to start. For instance when I first met him he had a daughter of 2 months old, he told me the mother was crazy, like his mother and now like me according to him, now I know why because we all have him in common lol, anyway I found text messages to hear saying how about it for old times sake! I took him back, he cheated on me denied it and finally admitted to it a year later, I took him back, cheated on me again with a colleague and put her name under a mans name, took him back, found numerous voicemails and texts to and from women he made lies and I did what!! Yes took him back, he went on holiday without telling me, then he said he went to Spain, I found pictures of him on a Ayia Napa website with no top on stage! We had broken up and I was devastated and he was in Ayia Napa, he has lied about jobs, cars, women, money and the latest I have found out is that he left his job or got sacked and has been getting up each morning pretending to go to work, id call him and it would be silent and he'd say that he is having a fag, I finally plucked up the courage to call his work phone and was told he no longer works there, he finally admitted it and is still telling me lies, I've had enough, last year I got an injunction on him and we were separated for 6 months and then I took him back, due to being lonely and scared and hoping he had changed after 6 months and that he really loved me what a fool, but sometimes I truly believe he does love me but cant help it - his family, my family and friends all tell me to get out but I love him, we have been separated for two weeks now and I try to keep strong, one day I'm angry the next tearful its so hard and the worst thing is I really want a baby and cant imagine a life without children and really wanted to start planning this year how could I have children with a liar who will break their tiny hearts too like he has his daughter? Please help, love and messages of support God bless :) - Caramelcharn Sat, 12 Jul 2008 17:33:05 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/compulsive_lying/husband_compulsive_liar.html#comment-1434 THANK GOD, THANK GOD, THANK GOD FOR THIS WEBSITE!!! I am really grateful that this website was divinely sent to me (along with other inspirations to get the hell out now!) because it came at the time when I was again feeling lonely and doubting my decision to leave a compulsive/pathological liar. After 2 months and 3 wks of meeting the man with that I thought dreams were made of, last week it this all blew up in my face because of me finding out how much of a human chameleon this man is. After having empty and pedestrian dating experiences for almost 3 years, I was so elated to finally be in the company of a man who made me feel those pubescent butterflies in my stomach that one gets when they have met someone that they feel they want to spend forever with. Our togetherness felt so natural, so right, and so wonderful that I experienced a natural high whenever I thought of him. THEN, all hell broke loss and I discovered that this man was making several other women feel the same way. I had began to suspect it because my I have a very strong intuitive spirit, but my logic sometimes gets the best of me. On several occasions when I knew that his story wasn't adding up, I would literally have vivid, I mean very lucid dreams of him being with other women and I would wake up in tears and in emotional/physical pain. I had become that connected to the man in such a short time. When I told him about these dreams and my premonitions, he said that I was insecure, that I was letting old baggage taint our relationship. That I was crazy for thinking that he would ever do anything to hurt me. As I look back, this man had told me exactly who he was from the beginning, but I wanted to believe otherwise. The elaborate stories about other women, about his businesses, about his material gains were mostly lies. Funny things is that these people have mastered the art of game playing so well that it is a bona fide sport for them that they refuse to lose. He was able to make a blind man think that he could see and a fat woman believe that she as a svelte as Karen Carpenter. Found out about the other women and tried to warn them and they all turned on me. He has been begging me back, and I admit, that there is this part of me that misses what I thought I had. Since I am a licensed counselor, I find myself wanting to help him, but i know it's a conflict of interest because I shouldn't be taking on my lover (whose in denial about who he is) as a client. No Way! After reading this site, I am so done with him that you can stick a fork in it! Thank you all so much for sharing and giving me the thought provoking forewarning and the courage to get the HELL Away from this man quick fast and a hurry! My life means to much for me to let it fall by the waste side of someone that chooses to deal with people's heart haphazardly. - ShiMe Wed, 18 Jun 2008 18:55:30 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/compulsive_lying/husband_compulsive_liar.html#comment-1327 I guess I am fortunate to have found out before things got too deep in my relationship. I dated this woman for two years and still love her, but had to end it this past week. Everything she says is a lie and she lies about obvious things when there is no reason for it. I only discovered what was going on after realizing she was being unfaithful. I'd like for her to get help, but based on my conversations with her, I don't think she realizes she has a problem. - RonS Tue, 22 Apr 2008 14:54:58 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/compulsive_lying/husband_compulsive_liar.html#comment-1326 I cannot believe there are so many of us! I have 3 kids with a man who is a compulsive liar. They adore him and he is a great dad so I do not know what to do. His lies have put us in HUGE debt and he will not stop. I do not want a divorce but I know I cannot trust him. What should I do? My kids are so young. A divorce would destroy them and they are my first priority. - mom Tue, 22 Apr 2008 13:35:26 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/compulsive_lying/husband_compulsive_liar.html#comment-1305 I too am married to a liar. He was a broke ass hoosier when I met him and he has spent us into the poor house over and over. The only reason I am still here is because I have been told that the state we live in (Missouri) would make me pay 50% of all debt and I simply cannot afford to do that on my current salary and be able to pay my own bills too. He refuses to file bankruptcy, never mind that he berated me until I filed 8 years ago. He said that me filing BK would make his life easier. He lies about pretty much everything. He is the greatest, the best, etc. Does not have any close friends at all, has chased away all of my friends with his paranoia and jealousy. Says that he runs the entire operation at work but you wouldn't know it by his paychecks. He is without a doubt the biggest loser in the world. He's a fat lazy drunk too. I swear if I have to listen to him bitch one more time about being fat. Lies when you ask if he stayed true to his diet, if he drank 12 beers, etc. Spends money like no tomorrow. I actually had my own home, money in the bank and it's all gone. Shame on me for falling for all of this. I have been to the edge of the abyss one time too many with this turd. I feel like my time has run out. I hate even going home. - lb Tue, 15 Apr 2008 10:02:37 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/compulsive_lying/husband_compulsive_liar.html#comment-1301 Its not just men, women too. My wife cannot tell the truth, period. You ask a question and get several different answers that do not correspond with one another. Then the admission of the lie and you are made to be the bad person because you "caught" the lie. Seriously seek professional help! - Mikey Sun, 13 Apr 2008 13:35:40 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/compulsive_lying/husband_compulsive_liar.html#comment-1294 My husband is a Compulsive Liar. He has lied so much that he believes everything he says. He has destroyed all trust in his only son, his family, friends,and most of all Me. He had an affair with another woman and is now living with her and lying to her to. We would have been married for 16 years this year and our marriage is now moving toward divorce. My son who is 13 is at the point where he wants nothing to do with or have no contact with his father because of all the lies and deceit. He has said some very hurtful things to us and the relationships are at the point of no repair. I feel for everyone in this situation. - Jill S. Thu, 10 Apr 2008 11:55:13 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/compulsive_lying/husband_compulsive_liar.html#comment-1173 I've only been married for a year and a half to a compulsive liar. We had been together for 8 years prior, on and off. He cheated on me in the years before we got married - once that I know about. But I was still stupid enough to marry him. I suffer from being unable to believe that someone who says "I love you" could lie to my face. That's why I have pretended not to know that he's lying to me about almost everything. At least he hasn't spent all our/my money. He seems to get his parents to bail him out of any situations like that. We just went through IVF after not being able to have a baby naturally. He walked out on me at 10 weeks, apparently "confused and unsure" about being a father. He said he needed time to figure out how he was going to support us. What he was really doing was renting another place, lying about where he was staying, and buying flowers & dinner for I don't know who. I know this because I opened his bank statement. I have finally told people close to me about what's going on. I've been protecting him for years. Now I have to protect myself and our baby, so I am leaving our home and my job to physically remove myself from any more of his screwing with my head. I hope that being out of this environment will let me break the cycle of discovering the lies, then believing the lies that cover it up. It's amazing how we can doubt what we know to be 100% right, isn't it? - Elizabeth1 Sun, 17 Feb 2008 02:55:59 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/compulsive_lying/husband_compulsive_liar.html#comment-1157 :( Yeah, well I've been married for nearly 18 years and boy, can I relate to what's already been said! I have suggested counseling, to no avail. We have two young boys, which makes things all that harder! - From NZ Sat, 09 Feb 2008 03:44:54 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/compulsive_lying/husband_compulsive_liar.html#comment-1138 I read a lot of the posts here and I know what most of you are feeling. My wife of seventeen years has been lying to me right from the beginning. I didn't know it right away, if fact, I sort of rationalized her lies away for several years. Quick background, we were both married before and had custody of our individual children and received child support form our respective ex-spouses. About eight years into our marriage my ex-wife apparently stopped paying support ($62.50 twice a month). This went on for over a year with me asking about whether the checks were arriving . When I received a check, I noticed the statement that my ex was not in arrears. I asked my wife if she had seen any checks, she said no. It turns out that she had been forging my name and cashing and spending the checks. When confronted she justified it by saying she was buying groceries with the money. I told her her actions were despicable and that she needed to be honest from then on. She said "I'm sorry." and that was it. About a year later I was doing an online credit check and found four maxed out credit cards. One to our home address, two to her business and one to her mother's address. I asked her about them and she admitted to all but the one to her mothers address. I asked if her mother was committing fraud and she said, 'she must be, because it isn't my card.' A year later her business failed and in order to pay all the bills including [u]all[/u] of the credit cards, she talked me into using my retirement to pay it off. I agreed to do it on the promise that she would at least make additional cash payments on the mortgage so we would be free of it by the time I retired. Once she found a job, I had to remind her of her promise. She made two payments and never payed again. A few months later I noticed a cell phone charger in her car. Knowing I would say that if she could pay for a cell phone, she could at least try to keep her promise, she denied that it was her cell phone and that the chargers were for phones she used to have (it was still plugged into the power outlet in the car). She continued denying that she had a cell phone until I opened the bill (I had thought it was some offer from out land line phone which was the same company Verizon). I called her number and mentioned how strange it was to hear her voice on a phone she didn't have. That was pretty much the last time I believed her about anything. Now that I am no longer in denial about her honesty, I can see that she lies about just about everything. A few weeks ago she asked me if I still loved her and I told her no. She wants to stay together and promises to change. I can't believe her. The only reason I didn't leave with the check fraud and other things was I really didn't want to put either daughter through a second divorce. They are both out of the house now so there is no reason to stay. My religious beliefs have also been something that have kept me from divorcing her. I can't trust her words or motives and I don't love her, yet I am reluctant to throw away 17 years of marriage. I don't know if I can or even want to save the marriage from divorce. I am 57 and she is 51 and I am a little afraid of being old and alone. I don't think we can stay together much longer. - Frankly Thu, 31 Jan 2008 12:34:59 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/compulsive_lying/husband_compulsive_liar.html#comment-1097 I couldn't fit everything in one post HERE"S THE CONTINUATION OF THE LAST POST! I learned it from experience and others' experience. . It's NOT about US. . . I have more to say but can't remember everything at once. I have memory problems due to a medical problem . (boring) so my heart goes out to ALL of you. If anyone EVER feels crazy and needs a friend, my email is cmtlady222@yahoo.com. One more thing before I come back and post, KNOW THIS . . . .As long as you are AWARE that something is NOT Right (the lying and all) the fact that you ARE AWARE of it means that you're NO where NEAR to being crazy or insane. . .It's NORMAL to doubt yourself after being with someone "untrustworthy." You might FEEL insane but you're not. If you DIDN'T feel crazy or insane after being w/ a CL, then I think you SHOULD worry. . .then you would probably be in DENIAL . . All of the posts I've read on here, I want to tell you all this : . .I'm hearing your pain and I am NO expert and don't care about being right or wrong but I want to say that you're ALL PERFECTLY COGNITIVELY INTACT. You might be confused, torn , devastated, in a rage, in a state of despondency, but "this too shall pass" It's NOT YOUR FAULT, you're not weak, you're not stupid, you're not crazy and you're powerless over the CL. You can't help someone that doesn't WANT help, furthermore if they don't EVEN realize they HAVE a problem, their in DENIAL . . ..THEY CANNOT BE HELPED! (just remembered, this is the 3rd liar I've been with) If you can't define or admit the problem, how can you come up with a solution? (this is just MY thinking) My heart goes out to all of you and PLEASE try not to do that "why me" thing . . . think this instead "okay NOW I know, I hurt, ask God to tell you what the right next move is? . .It worked for me. Sorry, ignore that last thing if you're not spiritual. I'm not on here to bible-thump. hugs to everyone! Oh, did I mention (details don't matter) former CL broke my spirit SO bad last nite that I hurt so bad, I broke down and did the ONLY thing I have left. I Prayed for the sicko! ps there's knowledge and wisdom AFTER the pain and w/ pain. You end up WISER, STRONGER and SMARTER been there done that, seems like my life story hugs to everyone - Deb Tue, 15 Jan 2008 17:24:10 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/compulsive_lying/husband_compulsive_liar.html#comment-1096 Hi everyone, {hugs ) for everyone who is in pain due to the CL in their life. I have been observing for a month now. I am seeing a pattern in all of the posts. Btw, I too was dating a CL for approx 1 1/2 yrs. Bucket overflowed. The pain of STAYING with a CL is WORSE than the pain of LEAVING.(in my case) I threw him out 6 months ago, tried dating, lies didn't stop. I went for counseling for a year to deal with the CL in my life, didn't help. . .WHEN I found this board, it was the validation that I needed. I wasn't crazy. It wasn't ME. I have many things to say I think would be helpful to the majority of you all because I'm am one of those people (former psych major) I have to analyze everything. My counselor told me "doesn't matter why" he lies . . . PERIOD. . . (not good enough for me) I have to know WHY? . .I did research, research and found this board and I found something on this board that I didn't get in counseling or anywhere else. In my humble opinion, I think we ALL just need/ needed to know 4 things (FACTS) (all I can think of at the moment) 1) WE"RE not crazy, we're NOT going insane, 2) It's NOT our fault (case in point, it's not EVEN about "us") 3. We ALL need/needed to be "VALIDATED" 4. We Indeed are NOT ALONE in this diabolical dysfunctional relationship w/ the CL I see a pattern. We all have the same "doubtful" thoughts and we ALL appear to have the same "doubtful" feelings. I just want to say this. . . . FEELINGS are REAL, they're not right or wrong, their ours, we OWN them, if something does NOT (((( feel )))) right, THAT is our body/mind telling us "WOW, something isn't right here? Am I right? It's our bodies way of telling us WOOOOOW!. . .STOP! . . .this is NOT Right! okay, I want to share this. . .Last relationship I was w/ a heroin addict. . .Lucky ME, 2 Mr wonderful's in a row.(not proud of admitting this) but trying to share hope, knowledge and experience w/ all of you loving, heartwarming people on here. Lying associated w/ the H addict was a tad bit different than someone who lies compulsive (without drugs or alcohol) But what's ironic is that the heroin addict (who also is big hearted) but if I told you what he told me everything he did way before he met me (I'm very forgiving and BIG hearted) you wouldn't pick him up off the side of the street if he was homeless and freezing to death . . He actually TAUGHT me how the mind of an addict thinks, he educated me (don't care about the addiction part) as much as the manipulating, conning part of playing on people's weakness', how he lied, why he lied . . . okay so I learned my lesson/lessons from him. . . I moved on . . . then I met my wonderful CL #2 . .. Yeah . .I'm thinking HOW THE H*LL (the intelligent person that I am), end up with another sick person) Is SH*T magnet written on my forehead??????/ I learned this: I went to Naranon on the internet. . .I learned THIS. ADDICTS, ALCOHOLICS, SOCIOPATHS, or CL, etc Call it whatever the DSMR book calls it. . . .in the real world, it comes down to this and I hope this gives some or all of you comfort . . . . .. When someone has a disorder or disease. . . .it's a FAMILY disease. . . .someone does drugs . . ..their NOT the only one that suffers the DISEASE or DISORDER, EVERYONE around them, family, friends we SUFFER the AFFECTS of the disease or disorder. WE suffer the illness ALSO. . Case in point, If someone has a mental problem, mental disorder, addiction, or multiple diagnosis. the ones that love the sick person, related to them, associate with them, SUFFER THE DISEASE OR DISORDER also. I hope this helps somebody. I did not get this from a book. - Deb Tue, 15 Jan 2008 17:23:06 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/compulsive_lying/husband_compulsive_liar.html#comment-1080 Comment to Lala G. I have been through what you're going through. You are insecure and afraid of losing this person. You also have a low self esteem. You mess up because you see yourself as a mess up. Stop being afraid to tell the truth. Do something for yourself and realize that you are somebody. Stop depending on acceptance from anyone other than yourself. You are special. Love yourself and stop lying to yourself and others everyday. You are valuable. you don't have to lie or be something that you are not to be special. You already are. - Lisa G Tue, 01 Jan 2008 16:39:40 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/compulsive_lying/husband_compulsive_liar.html#comment-1010 3 yrs for me. Is he mentally ill, or just a pathological LIAR?? Really doesn't matter I guess. He ripped my world apart, deceived me, betrayed me, and crushed any trust I ever had in him. My heart bleeds... But like Ames says... the man I thought loved me so dearly... HE NEVER DID EXIST... Can't help but pity the poor guy. What a way to live your life. Preying on and hurting others. Shattering hearts and lives... Crying shame. - Leanne Tue, 30 Oct 2007 22:32:20 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/compulsive_lying/husband_compulsive_liar.html#comment-993 Okay... on the one hand, it is comforting to know that I'm not the only person going through all of this right now (even though I have no one I can talk to about it, so it certainly FEELS that way). But, on the other hand, I feel that it's HORRIBLE that ANY of us are going through this! I am REALLY unsure of what to do because I'm still demented enough to really love this man I married, despite the fact that he consistently lies about things - big and small - on a VERY regular basis. He lied for months about being addicted to online pornography. Of course he insists that he has never or would never cheat on me, but how am I supposed to believe ANYTHING that comes out of his mouth? He lies about the smallest thing too - such as when I asked him if he had a chance to order something we had discussed buying, he said he had not gotten around to it yet, but he would try to do it today and I had already gotten a phone call from the company confirming the order! It doesn't make sense! Why would anyone lie about something like that? I have tried confronting him about things and that does absolutely no good. He will look me right in the eyes and lie about it - not once or twice, but MANY times. Like others have written before me, I will provide documentation and he STILL lies! I just don't understand it. And, the unfortunate thing is that everyone outside of our relationship thinks he walks on water. They would NEVER understand - or even believe - what I'm going through. It makes me sick. - sscott Mon, 22 Oct 2007 14:30:19 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/compulsive_lying/husband_compulsive_liar.html#comment-990 I'm so sorry that all of you are going through that same thing as I am. I too married a compulsive liar. I didn't know it of course. I've know for many many years that he had a lying problem. It wasn't until doing some research recently, that he indeed was a compulsive liar. So many things said here are the same. One being is that he lied from day one. Yes, mine did too. But again, we didn't know what we were getting ourselves into. I've been a trusting wife, and he took advantage of that, stole 12 years of my life, and has nearly taken my sanity away. I have never felt like "I" needed to be put away and locked up for craziness. This is what they do. Make us question ourselves. My husband is also physically abusive. The lies are so ridiculous that no other human being would believe them except him. I truly believe that he doesn't see his lies as lies, but as the truth. I fear he is deeply mentally ill. We are separated right now. I've told him we are going to marital counseling and then family counseling because my daughter deserves to have her feelings heard. He has cheated on me, how many times? I don't know. One of the affairs is with my sister. The lies about that are the most crazy. The only thing he has ever admitted regarding her, is that he drives by her house, but contends that the reason is because "it's an alternate route home" or "it's on the way". It's about as OUT OF THE WAY as possible. I asked him again yesterday about it, he gave the same answer in the same tone with the same words. I knew then, he was insane. He angrily yelled on the phone that "IT'S ON THE WAY". If you all could see how out of the way it is. Compulsive liars, I believe are serious addicts, and I've found him to be absolutely without remorse. Stone cold. Sure, he's apologized for f-ing things up. But I don't believe he is truly sorry. My daughter grieves for the daddy she wishes she had had. She's 11. When confronted with hard copy evidence of his lies, he still denies. This I will never understand. Over the 12 years I wasted on this man, he has spun so many lies he couldn't keep up with them. I question every single thing he has ever told me. Now, in retrospect, I look at the things he's told me, and I find them completely absurd and highly unlikely or possible to have ever occurred. They care only about themselves. If you think they ever loved you, you are dead wrong. They do not love their children. They only care about themselves and how they look to other people. My husband has stolen my family. They all hate me, and I never did anything to them. I have not one person to call to talk to. No one but him. And I think he wants it that way. I believe he has told my family lies so they will hate me. My own mother even. Worst of all, he is perfect in her eyes, and she gets angry and will not hear of anything negative about him. I have no mother. She believes him. She hasn't even called me once over the last several months to see how I am. The pain he's caused me is unbearable. I've had very dark thoughts b/c of this. I have started individual counseling. May it bring some sense to this whole thing. May I be validated as the decent, caring, trusting person that I've always been. One that despises liars and seeks only truth. I hope I someday heal from the hell that has been my life. The man I married never existed. This hurts worst. He NEVER EXISTED. I gave him my all, he took everything. I pray for us all - ames Sun, 14 Oct 2007 11:34:29 +0100