Comments for Boyfriend Hides at http://www.truthaboutdeception.com , comment 1 to 3 out of 3 comments http://www.truthaboutdeception.com Thu, 20 Nov 2008 04:26:58 +0100 FeedCreator 1.7.2 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/relationship_problems/boyfriend_hides.html#comment-1489 I run a relationship site and although I'm great at giving advice... I had to learn the hard way about living it. I think there are a couple of dynamics going on here. There is the controlling demanding way of saying what you will and won't put up with. But also there's settling for less than you deserve. I think when someone is this bothered by contact and I have to admit both parties are to blame here. The woman contacting him you can't control but if the man felt like this was wrong... he'd stop. I think that's what I'd pay attention too and have learned to. Too many women have been in your shoes and that's me included. We agreed on terms of dealing with our past. I would ask if he was in touch with a couple of women in particular because well... I'm a woman and single and I know people try and keep in touch even after you've said you are in a relationship. Politeness is expected so you get the - it's great to hear from you. The lying is worse than all of what's being done and causes you to think more is going on. At the same time making it harder for you to probably commit to this man in the same way. Stay away from someone who is yanking your chain. You're not crazy to think this isn't right. You've expressed your expectations and they are good ones. These are not people of their word as said above. You obviously are a person of your word and have every right to expect to be with someone who is too. - savannah jones Mon, 21 Jul 2008 18:05:22 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/relationship_problems/boyfriend_hides.html#comment-1388 Both of you... I certainly can relate, but fortunately I have been able to leave my boy friend. Three years of a long distance relationship where he did everything... I mean everything to get me. First we dated for almost a year before I found out that he was still married. He was so convincing, so present in my life and the life of my daughter and family that I had no clue or reasons not to believe that he was separated.When I found out that he was married and far away from divorcing (at least from his wife perspective... poor woman... 23 years of marriage during which she was not only cheated on but, he had even a son from a relationship then... she forgave and moved on... courageous, but unfortunately very enabling. In short, after I found out I wanted to break up and he asked then for divorce... to get the attention he wickedly needy, he blow up his family!! And I'm not talking about a drunk, etc., this man is well-respected in North Carolina in his community. Going further, I had the weakness because I loved him to overlook the lying story because. God he was so convincing. But at this time I began to look at him differently and began to be more prudent... well I was right. As he had all he wanted from me, after less than a year he began to court other women. When I confronted him, he got defensive and long winded and crying etc... my trust and respect for him began to fade... and so my love. I'm a very confident woman and cannot accept not to have respect send back to me as I'm very respectful of others and others feeling. When fast forwarding to one month ago, I find out another new friendship going on... I said enough, I cannot love a man like that... I broke up. It took two weeks to realize that I don't even miss him and certainly don't love him anymore. The man I loved was only the one he tried to portray to me and his whole environment. These people are sick from their low self esteem (narcissistic, pathological liar, and there is no cure). Don't let them destroy yours. They are not worth it and you deserve much more. Run and never look back. Its better to suffer from a breakup for several weeks or even a couple of months (I hope it will be much less for you). Regain self respect, free yourself from pain that will only come back again and again whatever they can say or promise... these people have no words... not even to themselves... I feel sorry for them... I don't want to be sorry for you. YOUR CHOICE not theirs!! Good luck! - CHB Mon, 26 May 2008 20:34:52 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/relationship_problems/boyfriend_hides.html#comment-184 I could have written this email myself. My story is so so similar, its really scary. I have recently broken up with my boyfriend, to get back together again. I had a long talk with him about how the things he does, (flirts with women, strives for their attention, needs to feed his self esteem, etc. etc) how all of that type of behavior hurts my feelings. I told him that he holds my heart and when he does those types of things, its hurts me. I also got him to agree to go to counseling. First alone, then together. He too was sexually abused by a family member, and his mother virtually abandoned him, so he is constantly seeking approval of woman. We began our relationship long distance and when he moved to where I live, he brought with him a secret relationship that he kept in contact with her. I caught him and called her directly. He lied to her too telling her that he moved somewhere else. I was crushed, and now when he has this need for woman giving him confidence, it rips my heart apart. This has been going on for almost 4 years now. I am hoping that the counseling will help. I really don't know. I too suffer from a low self esteem, but I don't have to seek men's approval to boost myself. I don't have to call single men from my cell phone and then hide my cell phone bill from my boyfriend and that is what he does to me. We don't live together, so he is doing this behavior away from me. I guess I just wanted you to know - I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL and its so horrible being in a situation like this. I was married before for 23 years to an alcoholic, but he was someone that I trusted more than my boyfriend because I knew he would never never cheat on me, emotionally or otherwise. AND your right about the emotional affair situation - its not a good place and life is too short. I don't know if you can move on, I wish I could. But at the same time, I want to work it out. I'm just stuck. Good luck to you. Take care. - j4william@yahoo.com Thu, 21 Sep 2006 16:40:02 +0100