Comments for Husband Not Confess at http://www.truthaboutdeception.com , comment 1 to 74 out of 20 comments http://www.truthaboutdeception.com Thu, 20 Nov 2008 04:34:24 +0100 FeedCreator 1.7.2 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/husband_not_confess.html#comment-1752 I am a married man who has several guy friend whose families spend time with my wife and me on a fairly regular basis. It is very interesting to me how things really do generally start off so benign. Several of my friends have cheated, not ongoing affairs, but are very unwilling to do anything they think will get them caught and jeopardize their family life. The funny thing is that the guys that do this stuff on a regular basis are great family guys, but there is/was some issue that was never resolved. 1. For example, one guy who had been trying to get his wife to work out with him and do some more outdoorsy things like they used to, eventually stopped. She was upset with him for "nagging", so he stopped, but that is not necessarily good. He found someone that he works out with and does some of the outdoorsy things with him. There is nothing really sexual about the whole thing, but there have been a couple of kisses, no sex. Since they are both married, they have fought to keep the relationship acceptable, but it's hard to do when you spend that much time with someone who enjoys your passion (life hobbies). My point is that if your significant other is pleading with you to do things you used to do, but then suddenly stops, you need to ask yourself why the sudden change. Is it that he had decided to stop "nagging", or has he found someone to handle it for him? 2. Another friend, who is also a great family guy and works hard to provide and care for his family, does not have affairs. However, he likes to go to massage parlors and strip clubs to have exciting sexual situations that he says the wife will not do - fellatio. He has never had intercourse with any woman other than his wife, but he gets this one thing from other women whenever the opportunity presents itself. He does not text, stay out late, call anyone, or disappear for any length of time. The point is that he has not had the classic change in habits that would signal any problems. In fact, now that that one need is handled, he is more focused than ever on his kids and taking care of the family. Once again, if your spouse suddenly stops asking for something that is obviously important to them, you need to ask yourself why. Did you satisfy their need ro did someone else? 3. The funniest thing is that I have one friend whose wife accuses him of cheating on a fairly regular basis, but he knew she had trust issues going in. It doesn't help that he buys her flowers randomly and other gifts randomly, since for some reason this is the sign of a cheating spouse. I think it should be a sign that something reminded him of you and why he loves you. She has asked me before and I have told her that he loves her and has never cheated on her, but she is going to drive him away with that level of suspicion. He has since consciously stopped buying her flowers and little gifts, except on special occasions. Now she wonders why. My point is that if you have a good husband and there are no signs, you need to be careful about being suspicious over everything. Just because he buys you flowers or gifts on a random day, does not mean he feels guilty about something. It may mean that he was thinking about you and wanted to show you that he was thinking of you and loves you. Women, you need to realize that we will do things just to see your smile, so don't be suspicious every time he goes above and beyond. Ladies, I hope this helps. - Concerned Guy Fri, 17 Oct 2008 09:10:05 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/husband_not_confess.html#comment-1725 Anyone who looses you too much in a relationship, always think twice, i.e. loosing you a child. If anybody fails you at the 11th hour, keep an eye on them. It may not be worth it pursuing a relationship. - FedUpFed Wed, 08 Oct 2008 09:48:49 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/husband_not_confess.html#comment-1692 I need the truth so much at this point (I've been with him for two years or more). But all I have to go on, is a bunch of situational lies and a gut feeling. I complimented a girl in our college yesterday, told her she was very pretty. It happened to be a girl who was a junior of his from his department. Five minutes later I received a phone call from him, yelling at me and asking me if I was retarded or something. When I asked why, what the hell was wrong with him, he told me, I had freaked out that same girl. I told him I was going to go meet her and sort this out. He was at home at that point and a few seconds later, he was driving to our college, yelling at me and telling me he didn't want me to talk to anyone or fight with anyone. I was curious as to why, but the fact was, he was protecting her from something. He was protecting her from me and he proved exactly that. I have heard rumors about him and this girl before. I just want the proof so he will let me go as well. The last time he broke up with me, he caused me to lose our child. I had a miscarriage. I want him gone from my life for good this time. I cannot forgive him now. - . Tue, 30 Sep 2008 00:54:20 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/husband_not_confess.html#comment-1679 I can't for the life of me figure out why cheaters get married in the first place. They can have all the women they want with out bringing into the picture some innocent woman who then falls in love with them. I have often wondered why so many of us stay with cheaters knowing full well that they are creeps and we are angels. RagDoll you made a lot of sense.... - lapp Sun, 28 Sep 2008 10:31:41 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/husband_not_confess.html#comment-1665 It is pretty amazing to hear the lies, the denial, the insistence that you are crazy, from those that cheat, isn't it? And isn't it tough when you know, inside, that they are lying, that something is wrong: but you just don't know how to get out? Because you do care, because you do love them, and because you do want it all to just be better and go away? Well, can it? I don't know, either. Statiscally, we are of course shown that most people do not change. I believe they are capable of it. But they must have real reason to. And let's face it, we may never be able to provide the reasons (loss of public face, loss of job) that would motivate some to be honest and have character. Overall, I think that we should just get rid of them, and find others that are better. But I also know that this doesn't serve to strengthen our communities or to help others. So instead: can we seek help with them? Can we help, somehow? (Except, oft times: the cost to ourselves, is too big. I know the pain and tears I myself have felt and suffered. I do not know I can or could endure more.) They are addicts. Addicts of excitement and attention. They "don't mean to hurt anyone" (how many times have we heard that one). Maybe they do, need help. They are like little children who are making bad choices, again and again. I agree we want a partner who is an adult. And yet, aren't we all, as well, sometimes, like little children? They don't see or understand the condequences. They see it in front of them and then they take it. Granted, this is underdeveloped behavior. But if you are in love with someone like this? First, realize you could love someone else. And to be where you are IS a choice. There ARE others out there, and there is prove of that. Next, don't take it personally. ANY of their actions. Try not to. And last: children need to be given boundaries and to have consequences. So be firm and have self respect. They must improve their behavior to return, and they must be willing to be totally transparent. If they aren't, you have to leave. If they ever decide to be, then you can see if you are still in a spot where you want to continue the relationship. I myself am in serious pain right now. Just lies and more lies. With a neighbor woman. His best friends girlfriend this time. Prior to that it was with his x wife. Before that, a girl he works with. You know, there is always a story or explantion behind it. But there are also, just patterns of behavior that exist. And in the end, you can just look at the repetitive behavior and the numbers and call a spade a spade and accept it, yourself. What else are you going to do? (just keep trying and crying, I know.) I do know how hard it is to get out. I haven't yet done it. As we speak he is leaving voice messages and texting and texting. He denies most everything and just tries to act like nothing is wrong. That is his method. My mind knows better--I have been sick to my stomach now, for months. Just last week he held me while in bed, asking what he could do to help me feel more secure, while hours earlier, I later find out: he had been with someone else. Wow. It's a sickness that they have. Don't take it personally. Have boundaries. Let them decide what they are going to do with the boundaries you have set. Be okay with moving on, yourself. Plan on it. Start. I wish luck to all of those who have posted, here. With texting and instant communication, it is easier and easier to cheat and to justify cheating. Don't do it yourself. Live a higher law, and try to improve our communities and others by being strong in what you believe, and allowing others the chance to improve. - jryan Mon, 22 Sep 2008 16:58:44 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/husband_not_confess.html#comment-1621 I had cheated on my girlfriend of 2 years 3 times. The pain I feel every time it happens is unbearable. She finally found out about it all, and I did not know what to do . I could not own up to what I had done. I just got more and more depressed. Finally I decided to seek therapy. I now can happily say we have been married for 13 years. Sometimes, Guys can be given another chance and have everything work out. - r-dub Mon, 08 Sep 2008 21:26:27 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/husband_not_confess.html#comment-1599 Have any of you people ever stopped to consider that you don't OWN someone else? I think that spying on a loved one means you might as well hang it up, and seek counseling for your own internal issues. I, for example, spend a lot of time having fun with other women, and I am open with my wife about everything. She is of course free to do as she pleases with other men (or women ;-). If I couldn't be myself around her, and had to sneak around like some kind of child, I wouldn't spend any time with her, or anyone else who would treat me as their property. It is this paranoid sense of ownership that is causing marriage to be seen as less and less important by most men. By the way, I came to this site to find out about glance behavior in lie-detection, not detecting cheating. I agree with the author's conclusion that watching which directly people glance is, well, inconclusive. My wife and I both glance to the right while speaking, and we are both honest with each other as we have no reason to lie, given the paragraph above. - Kurliq Tue, 02 Sep 2008 18:43:55 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/husband_not_confess.html#comment-1591 I have been married for 6 years with two beautiful children. My husband treats me really well at times. He helps with the laundry, he makes breakfast every morning, he takes the children to school and if I have to work late he picks them up and takes care of them. He does not go out at night. He is self employed and makes a good dollar for us. We travel almost every year, the entire family. You may think with all of this that I should be happy, well I am not. My husband is very aggressive and controlling, He is the sweetest man when things are going his way. Last December, the 22nd to be exact he beat me really badly, he said that I was cheating on him. He checked my underwear one night when I came in late from work and said that I was screwing around on him. He does not want me to have any male friends, I agreed to this and I told him that I should be afforded the same privileged. If I cannot have male friends then he should not have female friends. This is where the argument started. I am sometime so scared for my life after the first time he hit me. I sometimes tell myself that I should get a divorce but I have become so dependent on him that I do not think I can make it on my own sometimes. We are not talking right now, simply because I was having a telephone conversation with him and my female neighbour who seem to be in very close proximity to him whilst we were talking, and I said to him that I did not approve of this and because of this we are not speaking. He gets really angry and with my stupidity I am always the one who tries to get thing going for us again. Today I am trying to be strong and not say anything to him. I feel lost and confused right now. I WONDER IF HE IS CHEATING ON ME, simply because he can be so aggressive at times. - jayrose Wed, 27 Aug 2008 23:33:18 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/husband_not_confess.html#comment-1586 I thought I was the only fool. All the text messages I found I probably could write a book. One evening my husband of 15 years asked me how to spell the word baffle. Low and behold he text a woman stating how his heart baffles for her. My husband got an IPhone its has a security code, I was able to crack that code. I just recently (July 17th 2008) I saw a picture he took of P O, she right there smiling. My heart almost melt in me. These men just would stop. I asked if there is an affair just like all these other liars-DENIAL. - sweet pa Tue, 26 Aug 2008 20:56:40 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/husband_not_confess.html#comment-1481 Early last summer I fell in love with someone during a very vulnerable time in my life. Our friendship and companionship quickly blossomed, and I felt a genuine magic between us. Since we had both just ended long-term relationships a considerable part of our bonding experience concerned what had failed in our previous relationships and what we wanted for our future. We definitely shared an idyllic conception that we were one another's soul mate, and I experienced a happiness that I've never known before...But, as seems to be the case with all of these sad tales I've empathized with this evening, our bliss was short-lived. About six months into our relationship I started to notice that he was becoming more secretive when writing emails, txt mssg, and telephone calls. So I started to snoop and found the names of several strange women on his phone. I immediately ended the relationship. A week passed and he begged me talk him back, explaining that he had zero interest in these other women, just friends, one might be interested in him but he's not in her, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. Sadly, I took him back. Then, another few months later, I find out that not only has he been talking on the phone to some other women in another town who is "into him" but now his ex-girlfriend (who moved to another city) also wants him back! I tell him that I NEVER want him to contact me again. Guess what he does? He calls my best friend and convinces him that he really, really is only in love with me and that he has no interest in these other women who are calling him. Like an absolute fool, I take him back. And things are good...for a while. Then, the cycle starts up again...A couple of weeks ago he and I decide that its just "not working" between us. He had become really irritable and aggressive towards, even emotionally abusive. So, we end the relationship. But something is really nagging at me. In fact, I keep having these crazy nightmares that he is with someone else and that his interest in that relationship is the real driving force behind his discontent and maltreatment of me. Sure enough, after some investigative work on my part I find out that he's been out with a recently separated women and all her friends the very night he told me that he was going out with his University pals. And I even found a (hazy) picture for proof. But here's the climax: Can you believe that when I confronted him not only did he deny it, he also threatened me -- the person he still claims to love so dearly -- with a restraining order if I contact him again?!? Apparently, I am crazy and really losing it this time. Pathetic. Listen up ladies: just because it looks fantastic on the outside doesn't mean it isn't rotten to the core on the inside. Sometimes you have to put your fork in and dig awhile to find out just how unappetizing the meal really is. If you went to an expensive restaurant and ordered the best thing on the menu only to find out that maggots were breeding inside, would you really stomach what was on your plate just because you had been looking forward to eating there all day or because you might not find another restaurant open at that time of night? I do not think so. Similarly, when you find out that the person you have poured your heart, soul, trust, confidence, forgiveness and dreams into is at best never gonna satisfy you, and at worse potentially pass along some disease that'll really make you sick (mentally or physically), I say walk away from the table. Starve before you accept the crappy scraps of a lying, manipulative, deceitful and self-destructive person. You deserve only the finest and the best. :) - GetingSmarterInToronto Wed, 16 Jul 2008 00:49:00 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/husband_not_confess.html#comment-1473 Hi Damo You need to leave your wife. It takes two to tangle and it also takes two to work things out. Looks like she doesn't want to work things out and sorry to say this, but you look like a sucker now. Anyone reading this, if you have been cheated on, LEAVE, don't come back for more. You're just setting yourself up. Good luck. - Jenelle Thu, 10 Jul 2008 22:42:18 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/husband_not_confess.html#comment-1426 I am sat here tonight reading all the stories on this site and have noticed that the majority of experiences are written by cheated wives, and the common theme amongst them is that ALL men are liars and that you should ditch your man if he lies to you and has repeated affairs. Does the same apply if you are a husband whose wife has cheated on him? I am a cheated husband and I found out my wife was having an affair exactly a month ago now. I have been with my wife for 14 years and have been married for 6, happily so I thought. We have a 3 year old daughter together and my wife has two older children aged 14 and 18, whom I have brought up for all these years as my own. When I married my wife, it was for life and I wept as she walked down the aisle because I was so much in love with and proud of the woman who was to become my partner for life. However, over the last goodness knows how many months, I've noticed many things which should have told me that things weren’t right. Everyone around me, including my boss at the time, family, friends etc, suggested to me that there might be something going on with her because her habits had changed somewhat, but when I questioned her about my suspicions, she always had what sounded like a valid response, so I chose to believe her. I found out that she was having an affair purely by chance as such. One of the habits that my wife had changed was to start keeping her mobile with her at all times. This started about 12 months ago or more, following years of me telling her to turn the thing on at least, or what’s the point in having a mobile! She had left her phone unattended which was a rare sight these days, so I took the opportunity to have a quick look. I went into her call log and it was empty, so I then checked the messages and there in the Inbox was a picture of my wife, taken in a bedroom I didn’t recognize, dressed in sexy underwear which I had never seen before, with the message YUMMY written below it. In her Outbox were 2 photos of her topless, which had failed to send! The name of the person who had sent her the picture in her underwear and the recipient of the pictures in the inbox was the name of my mother’s dog (Milly)! I called the number to see who might answer and asked for a totally random name. It was a male who answered which confirmed my suspicions so I confronted her about it. What I didn’t expect was complete denial and the biggest load of tosh you have ever heard in your life about who this person was. SHE was apparently a woman in her office that let other people use her phone. The lies continued until I actually rang Milly from my mobile in front of her this time and asked him when he answered, who I was speaking to. He quite readily gave me his name (which was not Milly) which I repeated out loud. This was the first time I had known what he was called. At that point, my wife ran out of the house! Since then, I have been told more lies than I can care to remember and have also confronted my wife and her boyfriend as they came out of his house one morning a couple of weeks ago when she had told me that she was stopping elsewhere. I didn’t get violent, but I did show aggression towards his car as he stuck his fingers up at me and laughed as he drove away, leaving me and my wife to continue talking in a fashion on the street. I have been the one though, through all of this who has offered an opportunity to get back together and to try again, but for a month now, my wife has been refusing to let her boyfriend go just in case I don’t want her back. Tonight, again, she has lied to me telling me that she was somewhere else but I drove over and saw her at his house again with my own eyes, but guess what? She still denies she was there with him! Damo I love my wife and don’t hate her, but I hate the lies and the deception and the fact that she is still seeing him. For us to work again, or to even start talking about it, she must first dump the boyfriend and I have also asked that she look for another job as he works in the same department as her. I don’t know what the future holds for us yet but if the lies and the boyfriend continue, we are over for sure. My heads all over the place not knowing if I can forgive her for what she’s done or not and can I ever learn to trust her again To finish off, not all men are cheats, some are loving husbands like me who just like the women who have been hurt on this site, didn’t deserve any of this. I committed myself to my wife when we were married and it was for life but she has now betrayed me, not just with the affair and the pictures, but the lies and the deception. Can we ever work it out I ask myself? Any thoughts would be appreciated as I’m at a loss what to do. - Damo Tue, 10 Jun 2008 20:40:05 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/husband_not_confess.html#comment-1423 I was married to someone that I met quickly and married quickly. Met him online. I am a woman of truth and integrity---he professed to be the same when we spoke and in email. I have since learned many lessons from being married to this guy. During our first year of marriage, while professing his love for me and that "I'm the best thing that has happened to him" and "You are so amazing, I finally know what real love is". Blah, blah blah. You get the point. While he tells me this over and over, AND I BELIEVED HIM, he was on several dating websites, posing as a single man, fabricating stories about himself. He also had an emotional affair with one woman in particular, looked at all kinds of porn. And these are just the things I knew of. This went on about 11 months before I found it all out one day. Because he had lots of childhood issues, I gave him another chance. He swore he wanted to be a better man, become a better man. The next two years, I thought he was keeping his word. We decided to divorce in year four of our marriage. He hung around for a few months until he moved out of town. I discovered through computer usage and other programs, that he was back to his "old patterns"----on many dating websites, compulsively lying, had slept with two women and carried on an emotional affair with another one. I tell you all this because 99% OF MEN WILL NOT CHANGE. DON'T GET SUCKED IN GIRLS, REMEMBER, THE BEST PREDICTOR OF FUTURE BEHAVIOR IS PAST BEHAVIOR. AS WITH MOST OF THE GUYS ABOVE, THEY DO NOT TAKE ANY RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEIR ACTIONS. That should be your first clue. Do they play the victim role? Another clue for you. This guy was deceptive, manipulative, compulsive liar, immature, irresponsible, etc. I could go on and on. I thought he had potential but I finally realized that he didn't want to be in this marriage. The signs were there... but every time he apologized, tugged at my heartstrings, I thought he wanted to change and become an honest guy. NOT!!!. I know there is a great guy out there for me but that's not my focus now. My ex is online all the time, talking to 20 women, lying to them and I feel sad for them. It will be a roller coaster ride! Hope they get out sooner than I did. - Ditto777 Sat, 07 Jun 2008 13:52:03 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/husband_not_confess.html#comment-1330 Wow! Are we all married to the same creep? Rinribas - good advice. Thats what I'm doing to. I can't find that site "retrieve r", can you post a link? Amy R. - Ditto Thu, 24 Apr 2008 18:07:49 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/husband_not_confess.html#comment-1292 I am a newly wed wife. I've been married for less than a year and already my husband has cheated on me. Physically, emotionally, you name it. The first person he's cheated on me with is his ex-wife, they are on the phone together. She's calling him up everyday spending at least hours on the phone. My husband loss his license so he got caught speeding. Well it came out that he spent the night with Valarie. When my husband is being unfaithful he turn off his phone. I know my husband is a cheater. Women this is a wise thing, I purchased eblaster and spector pro for less than 130bucks online. Download both on the computer. Have it be sent to your email address. Retrieve all info from where he is and wherever he goes. Also, if your hubby cheats on the phone and text message theirs a website call Retrieved R, put his number in and pay a one time fee of 15.00. I'm using him as bait. I figure currently my husband makes all the money. He's on his last leg and sooner or later he's going to be gone. Don't get me wrong, but I don't work not as of yet, but when I do I will save up all my money. Plus my husband still gives me a huge portion of the money. Stop giving him sex. Women we know how we can do it. But this is good, because when you go to court this is your evidence as infidelity. I figure I will be on my feet in another 1 to 2 years. Until then, I say nothing, but I distance myself. In fact, women start doing what I am doing. Filling up your schedules, like for me I spend a lot of time in the gym. I figure when I finish losing my weight and get my things in check I will leave his butt. When your divorce you can only get so much. I don't need to sound like a gold digger but the way I see it is if I let him know right now I lose, but if I wait till I am back on my feet I win. Keep denying him of it, eventually, it will be like he's paying you to live there. Eventually you will save enough that it wouldn't even matter. Also to Angelica, word of the wise men cheat, unless you are equally yolk and have a good men that really truly love you, I'm talking about the "Notebook" kinda love, where they would lay down their life for you, he will always find someone who looks better, who is more fun, who is more like their mama, etc. Face it women who are married compete with unmarried men. The sad truth is that men are now less faithful to their women then they were fifteen years ago. My grandparents were married for fifty seven years, and the love they still have together is the type of love you only find in the movie. Marriage is already hard and difficult. Try to find some way to separate yourself. Also, stop telling them you love them. Tell them thank you and be polite, but I found the less I say I love you, the more I feel confident, and better. Saying I love you brings about attachment and feelings. Detach yourself. One or two things will happened. The first is he will notice that you have become withdrawn and he may try to save you. Or he may walk away. - Rinribas Riseder Wed, 09 Apr 2008 15:35:35 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/husband_not_confess.html#comment-1267 I was married once before (to a verbally and emotionally abusive man) and can only compare my relationship to an unbelievably bad one. I'm not sure I am being overly dramatic. But after three years and my second marriage to a man that everyone else sees as "kind and gentle" I am ready to give up on all men. In the beginning of our relationship I made many excuses for him not having any time to pay attention to me during his time at school. And there were women he spent more time with him then I was able because of it. Then at his graduation he arrived late to dinner with his family while I stood waiting for him to finish taking pictures with one woman who clearly had more feelings then "friendship". I cried and he promised that he had no idea that it bothered me despite my body language and nagging at him that night. then a month later when I moved to a completely different city to live with him I was informed by another college "friend" that they had drove around one night for a couple of hours and "held hands" which isn't a big deal and I just explained to him that it was unacceptable behavior and that I would not accept a re-occurrence. Then 6 mos later he broke up with me for a week to decide if he really loved his ex-girlfriend (ex-fiance due to moving away for school) and not me. I almost left but I loved him and when she went back to college our relationship just continued as if nothing ever happened. Except he wanted to refrain from intimacy for a while until he was certain that he was ready for marriage. then I found porn in his room and he replied "I don't know why I bought that, I just had an impulse." so I told him that porn was unacceptable especially when he had a real live hottie at home that was more than capable to fulfill any one of those fantasies (me). Well then everything seemed better and we got married a year later. Shortly after an old friend began to email him and tell him how much she missed him and how great he looked and how she wanted him to tell her all about his life so they could be best friends again. well when I found out I erased the email account and made a combined account for the two of us which is why I was especially surprised to see an email address pop-up that I had never seen and resembled an email address he had before we even met (that had been linked to an on-line dating site). He didn't know I was aware of the previous account and I asked if he had ever attempted to meet anyone on-line for sex or just to chat. he replied with out hesitation as he laughed it off "no, I'm not that smooth." so I let it go and asked him a month later if he had ever cheated on me and he became angry and asked who had been saying anything to me. I told him that no one had to and that I had evidence. And he denied once again ever looking for sex on the internet. Until I rattled off the email address I had found and what I had seen in the email and two on-line dating accounts. he used his exact age and described himself exactly, so I wonder why he would say he was looking for intimate encounters, three somes and sexual chat on the his profile if he claims that he never intended to meet anyone. But I know that he had discussed real times and locations with these few women he chatted with and even had naked pics of himself to send to them. But he denies meeting them or sending the pictures, he claims that he hesitated to cross the line of infidelity and even stopped closed the accounts (conveniently closed the costly on-line dating accounts the same time that we decided to close our individual bank accounts and open a joint account). I don't trust him... he lied even when originally questioned until faced with cold hard fact, then promises that he loves me more then life itself in the same breath. He opened the on-line dating accounts the same month we were married and continued for 4 mos. I would have never known except for accidentally stumbling on the evidence. I tried to originally be better then all those sexy women I felt I needed to compete and now only a few mos later I feel resentful for investing so much time and effort into a relationship and a man that is below me. please help... I don't know if I am wasting even more time by staying committed to a marriage that was built on lies from the start. - fool in love with a fool Mon, 31 Mar 2008 15:02:44 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/husband_not_confess.html#comment-1211 Its very sad... why do men do this to people they have made vows to... yesterday evening when I was leaving work on my way home... I met an old friend of mine. She told me that she had broken up with her husband. She then asked if I have about 30 minutes to spare because she wanted to tell me something. She stated that she has met my husband with another woman and even described her... I want out of this marriage but have 3 children aged 7 yrs, 5 yrs and 6 months... I do not want to waste time and live in sorrow... I can't take it and I will forgive but cannot stay with him... I don't care what my parents or his family members say... Why do we have to be the ones being cheated on and have to live with this? I will not tolerate nonsense... - Mwaka Tue, 04 Mar 2008 04:15:58 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/husband_not_confess.html#comment-1197 Try being married for over 35 yrs and now his so called girlfriend from 25 yrs ago is still trying to find him.. The kicker now is that a young girl is calling family members for info on my husband.. Can she be a daughter? Then to top things I caught him on the internet looking at porn last month... I didn't spy on him. I was trying to print a recipe and 8 pages of porn came out!... He couldn't deny that one..the punishment.. I had him tell his adult child of his cheating on me.. He was so ashamed and sworn off the computer! As for the other woman, she needs to get a life and as for the younger girl she will need DNA proof to believe her story! And now we are closer than ever. He only has access to local tv channels... and no family members as I told them all what was going on! Why should I carry his sham??? I raised his child alone... think I deserve credit for this? - mistyblues Fri, 22 Feb 2008 21:36:28 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/husband_not_confess.html#comment-1176 Over the years I have caught BFs cheating/lying, and over the years I became more tainted, some would say; I like to think I have become more realistic. Its not that I want to BE distrusting, I just believe in approaching a relationship more scientifically... :) First fact, the majority of men lie, and or cheat....at least if they think they will not get caught. Could that be the key? Do cheating men assume they can get away with it perhaps? and like a GF is always saying ..."if you permit it you promote it" thus... are we in fact permitting some of this bad boy behavior... by handing over trust too soon? or without proving that investment safe right away? This is not to say there are not very loyal and devoted men out there. I think there are, BUT.... I think they are the ones who will not have a problem with women thinking outside the box with a newer...trust-process... FIND OUT about him....early on.... "in the "beginning" And lay out the facts to him....so as not to be/seem like a sneak or a snoop, or a cheat yourself. Whats wrong with saying to a guy "I do not hand over my trust. and I may have things I am curious about with your life over time ....that is if you want to earn my trust." A good relationship should have a solid foundation of communication. with this....(and a few other things) trust can be built....over time. Think about telling him "whatever you are doing behind my back...I can and will do behind yours....if you stay in touch with old GFs, or go out with coworkers....I can and will do the same with guys." See what he says? I believe ....as many now do, that trust should be earned, not handed over with the word LOVE. It should not have to go hand in hand with love. I believe this was something mentally driven into us over time by men, for the sole purpose of holding most of the power in the relationship. Real trust is proven, slowly over time. And smart people know this....men who are loyal...I believe, get this. Would you put all of your hard earned money into investments that are not proven safe? Think of trust as an investment, of your time....effort...love...heart, body, and soul....shouldn't this be the way it is ....for all of us? (both genders really) And its no longer the 50's ladies, we do not have to play Barbie just because our mothers did. Cheating/lying men typically want a BARBIE at home. Look good, be nice, play nice, trust me, ask NO questions, give me what I want...when I want it Barbie. These guys will tell you you are crazy, paranoid ...call you nasty names, start fights, and do anything that allows them to feel better or OK with what they are doing behind your back ....esp. if you start calling them on things. However, this too is not to say we do not need a balance....you have to manage your thoughts and feelings and be objective with yourself also. Focus on FACTs...the fair and loving things he does to help you feel safe and trust him...as well as things he does not. and keep in mind, NO ONE is perfect. Be realistic with yourself and what you expect from a man Tell him you have been betrayed before and will NOT stand for it...and expect his patience with your "trust process" in him. You may find he too suffers from the same frailties. But above all else, determine what YOU are willing to live with ....MEN generally do not change, women usually CHANGE to suit them. And men that need to go to bars or be with the boys allot, usually at some point in time....DO get into TROUBLE. Men that excuse their behavior or blame you for it are typically bad apples and NOT worth your effort or love. Finally, STOP thinking that there is something wrong with you, or what you gave in the relationship if you find your man has cheated or lied, REALIZE it is something WITHIN him that has caused him to act this way....and he will perhaps do it again to you, or that next chick; recognize when something IS not meant to be. For although all relationships are work...it did and always will take TWO for them to be successful and endure over time. Realize what you need and settle for nothing less~ - RagDoll Sun, 17 Feb 2008 16:27:13 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/husband_not_confess.html#comment-1161 I am 26 years old and all ready been married twice. My husband and I have been together for seven years. We've had more than our fair share of life's ups and downs. Recently we've hit our lowest of lows. I left in the middle of December to sober up. He was all for it and then two weeks later he started an affair with a 20 year old girl with no responsibilities. Now she's hollering she's pregnant to "win" him. Because I know him so well I know that he feels caught between the two of us. But he can't even admit it to either one of us. I just feel like giving up because I really don't know what to do. - shannon3girls Tue, 12 Feb 2008 08:13:25 +0100