Comments for Wife Had Affair at http://www.truthaboutdeception.com , comment 1 to 15 out of 15 comments http://www.truthaboutdeception.com Thu, 20 Nov 2008 04:12:53 +0100 FeedCreator 1.7.2 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/wife_had_affair.html#comment-1514 Respect matters a lot in relationship. My advice is leave her. Thinking of committing suicide or hurting yourself won't solve the problem. I've seen some families with this problem, and ultimate it ended with the heavy loss of the husband. So please leave her. - A Guest Fri, 01 Aug 2008 03:18:40 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/wife_had_affair.html#comment-1438 I've been on the cheating side, and basically found this site when i was reading writings on how to catch a cheater, to better know how to cover my tracks. With this perspective in mind, to the original poster: it is not over. When it is truly over, she will have little interested in talking to the guy. Sorry to have to confirm your fears. That being said: do not become depressed or think on suicide. His actions is not a comment on your worth, but it is instead the shortcomings of his own choices in life that has put him in this position: there is something he needs physically or emotionally or both that he is not getting, something he has always wanted all along. This kind of need does not just go away. Is it any consolation that the cheater's life is a dreary one? That he chooses to lie and stay together is depriving both of you of true intimacy and happiness. But there may be legitimate concerns that is the reason for this, most often the children you both love. But on the other hand, you only have one life to live, so I worry about the poster who said they 'only have 9 years to wait' to get out. that is no way to go through life either. I wish you the best of luck in finding happiness. maybe you can do it together still: either you need to learn not to ask questions the answers to which you might not want to hear, or he has to make peace with that fact that need he has will never be fulfilled. Both are very difficult propositions. It is often just easier and better to just start over, all things being equal. - Guest2 Fri, 20 Jun 2008 09:53:22 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/wife_had_affair.html#comment-1416 After 7 months of counseling and trying to get her to come clean and be honest, I had to say good bye. Couldn't take the lying and deception anymore. She said that "nothing happened", but spent an amazing amount of effort to cover it up. Since having her out of the house and little contact with her, I am MUCH happier. I highly recommend that you leave her or get her out of your house. Whatever you have to do to show her that you are serious and that separation is inevitable because of HER actions. Now my wife (ex) wants to be with me again. I told her it was too late. Too many lies have been told. You don't do that to the ones that you "love". Sorry sweetie, but it's over. - My Wife Cheated Too Thu, 05 Jun 2008 18:34:39 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/wife_had_affair.html#comment-1213 I have almost same situation in reverse, other half cheated but still continues to have contact with her despite my telling him he should hang up on her if she calls and if that it is indeed truly over - then no contact is needed. What to do? Weighing options... very hard to trust again and always looking over your shoulder -- do you move on or stay hoping that it is just a passing thing and is done? It's hard and you live with the anxiety day after day -- may need to eventually do something and that might mean walking away. Oh, by the way contacted the wife's husband, he was in total denial of continued contact after the affair was over, quite a jerk so he was not much support in trying to convince him that continued contact between them was not good. I have repeatedly told mine that if she calls him again it will be over -- also weighing option of telling husband wife still calls my other half, just to check on him, what a joke!! - beatrice Tue, 04 Mar 2008 23:16:23 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/wife_had_affair.html#comment-1182 Lussya, you say he would never cheat on you, I don't believe this. My wife was as close as anyone could be, she met a friend at work, one thing led to another and I had to tell her to go. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but we have a 12 year old son which she forgot about too. But as hard as I tried to make her see what she was doing to our child, I was always the bad guy. But now that we are divorced my son is with me 95 percent of the time and I think she realizes now I was not lying to her, only trying to keep him from getting hurt. She told me this guy was a friend for over two years till I decided to check our phone records. She was calling him like 140 times a month. I still love her and try to get along with her for my son and it is hard some times. But as far as saying he will never cheat, I myself would rethink that. I wish you the best however it turns out. - hard life Mon, 18 Feb 2008 18:26:46 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/wife_had_affair.html#comment-958 My wife does the same things, always some excuse for her actions. She is a liar and a cheat and will never change. I am trying to stay though as long as I can until the children are old enough, I owe them as much. We don't fight but she will never stop cheating. My "wife" started cheating right after we were married and has never stopped for 18 years. She only married me to take care of her kids from her first marriage, they are now out of the house. I need to stay another 9 years and then I can go. I hope that things work out for you but they don't look good, that once a cheater thing rings true. If you don't have children then I would get out. She has no respect for you and is only concerned about herself. Whatever you decide, God Bless - same boat Sun, 30 Sep 2007 01:16:18 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/wife_had_affair.html#comment-771 My wife had an affair too. My advise to you is if she still talks to him then she doesnt love you anymore. She calls him a friend? You should leave and start over. Get some help if you need to. Once you have been away for awhile you will start to feel better. I feel for you, I have been there. - Keith Curry Wed, 23 May 2007 15:10:51 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/wife_had_affair.html#comment-729 Leave her or love her? Hard to pick - leave her Mon, 23 Apr 2007 16:17:13 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/wife_had_affair.html#comment-688 I have the same emotional problem. My fiance and I have been together for a year. He is a very good guy, the ideal for me. After he got divorced (3,5 month ago) he started talking to his ex-wife again. They hated each other while divorcing (2 years), didn't talk at all. Now they are best friends and he talks to her 5-8 times a day (he calls her first). When I say I feel bad about this situation we usually get in a fight. When he started talking to her, he was lying to me, saying that he didn't know anything (she tried to confront me by e-mail) and that he just needed some time to take care of this problem and he wanted her to go away. When I found that he had been talking to her all this time, I flipped out, told him I would leave. He didn't let me go, proved he loved me. And now when I see his phone bill he says that there is nothing wrong with talking to your friend. And, as I see, he doesn't try to make her go away anymore, but he calls her first (like first thing in the morning he does when he leaves the house - calls her). And I feel he loves me, he comes home every night, he would never cheat on me, but all those talks won't stop! I can't deal with it. I don't understand how they became the best friends that he talks to her more than he talks to me. Please help. I don't want to loose him, but I can't take it any more. - Lussya Fri, 23 Mar 2007 07:20:03 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/wife_had_affair.html#comment-603 If you love her, you must forgive her and give her your love more than before.... - Ahmad Sat, 24 Feb 2007 06:41:35 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/wife_had_affair.html#comment-526 And of course you can't forget, the other guy is practically living with you. - Joe-been there Thu, 01 Feb 2007 03:00:56 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/wife_had_affair.html#comment-525 Every time she picks up that phone she is crapping on you. I know. She is saying that his feelings are more important than yours. If she's done with the affair and wants to be with you, she needs to prove it! Judging by these dates, I hope its still not going on. No man should have to be coupled with someone who has no respect, care or regard for their husbands well-being. You can get back your respect and dignity by refusing to accept such abuse. - Joe-been there Thu, 01 Feb 2007 02:59:36 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/wife_had_affair.html#comment-284 Been there, done that... guess what? It doesn’t work. She has no respect for you, the marriage, or what you have built together. Trust me when I tell you that she is still being “intimate" with the other man. The "Just Friends" shtick is total and utter BS, big time. Get out now, take all you can. Leave her and her "man" to fester in that sickening soup of lies they call love. She is not worthy. You and she are not even reading from the same book, let alone the same page, that’s if she can read. Go now my friend. We are not here to live in pain and fear. Claim your birthright, which is happiness, and let them get on with their “romance." Be Free... - Norman Mon, 13 Nov 2006 00:33:14 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/wife_had_affair.html#comment-166 It's time to leave! - Guest Fri, 08 Sep 2006 00:06:41 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/wife_had_affair.html#comment-146 I guessed, Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"... not just a feeling. You are really suffering. If you can't forget what she did then you haven't totally forgiven her. And face it, you don't trust her anymore. You don't call a friend that much a day, do you? I'm sorry, she's still cheating on you. You need a soul-searching and self healing. Only you can help your self, with or without shrink's help, it's always up to you. Either stay with her and die with depression or pack your things and be happy. - Guest Tue, 22 Aug 2006 12:26:55 +0100