Comments for Husband Plays with My Heart at http://www.truthaboutdeception.com , comment 1 to 27 out of 20 comments http://www.truthaboutdeception.com Thu, 20 Nov 2008 05:01:05 +0100 FeedCreator 1.7.2 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/made_a_mistake/husband_plays_with_my_heart.html#comment-1753 These stories are so familiar, it's good to know I'm not alone. He came off as so perfect, everyone thinks he's an upstanding member of society, but he's just a sad guy who cheats on the woman he 'loves'. Kept me on a string until now, I even moved countries to be with him. But now I'm awake to his manipulations, and it can only get better from here. - Awake now Fri, 17 Oct 2008 11:01:19 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/made_a_mistake/husband_plays_with_my_heart.html#comment-1652 omg... I'm married to the devil. - blind Fri, 19 Sep 2008 04:56:47 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/made_a_mistake/husband_plays_with_my_heart.html#comment-1362 Guest (dec 18), I had to laugh when I read your question. I immediately realized that a typical ludus lover would think of us, if they spent any time thinking of us that is, as sad jerks for being so gullible. And then I realized that they don't feel anything for us at all except how much fun they can have, how much they can take from us. I guess a few of them turn out this way because of childhood abuse and so on. But mostly nowadays, I don't think it has much to do with psychology. I reckon it's neurological hardwiring - a sort of personality disorder that cannot be counseled or changed. another point - interesting isn't it that we never hear of ludus/ludus couplings.... ?? ;) - Eros/Agape type here! Wed, 07 May 2008 19:57:40 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/made_a_mistake/husband_plays_with_my_heart.html#comment-1062 We should feel sorry for these poor misguided Ludas lovers, but not enough to be with them. How do they end up this way? - Guest Tue, 18 Dec 2007 14:43:33 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/made_a_mistake/husband_plays_with_my_heart.html#comment-985 Reading these is sad and very liberating at the same time. I got involved with a ludus 5 years ago. My gut told me not to get involved from the beginning, it was all too good to be true. He sent me flowers, called me when he traveled, was very concerned when I was sick, told me that I had a huge impact on his life bla bla... We remained friends for 3 years, until he finally asked if I would ever consider dating him, 6 months later I agreed to give it a try knowing that our friendship would ultimately pay the price. In the meantime he told me that he has a 3 week old son with a selfish a woman who "ruined" his life because she had the audacity to keep the child only after dating him on and off for 6 months. I should have walked away then. We've been together for 3 years now and I still have not met the mother of his son, I had a feeling but now I see why. Who knows what control spell she is under... The son and I developed a very strong bond as if he was my own because we spend so much time with him on the weekends when he is with us. My heart breaks for this child as I know the person his father really is and his son will never know the love and joy of a loving home(the mother is single). We don't live together and had a long distance relationship for a while, anytime moving in together came up there was always an excuse. We do lead very independent lives, are very busy people, which is ideal for a ludus, its easy for him to have numerous relationships with women. I know that during our entire relationship he has continued to have relationships with ex's and women at the offices he's worked at. Ive confronted him on it and got the typical "how dare you accuse me..." His behavior goes back in history as there is a lot of overlap with the women hes kept in touch with over the past decade. Once I really started listening to his words he told me pretty much everything who he is, not even realizing consciously what came out, they think they are so above it and they will never be discovered. He was thrilled to find out that his married friend had an affair and called him "The Man" as if that was his idol. He always says he is "misunderstood". He is very charming, good lover, flirtatious and has an English accent, loves the finer things in life and does very well for himself. Women eat that up like candy... there is always a naive one ready to take the bait. I always know when something is not going well for him with his other girlfriends because he gets so attached to me for a while. When it comes to us, he tells me everything I want to hear and its sounds sooo sincere as if I was the only one in his life that mattered. I bet that every woman heard the same words that I did, which makes it easy to make the decision to move on. Knowing you are just a number, your emotions are just the piano keys he plays so well. There will be many more women after you and many more kids he will father. Staying with a ludus is an emotional prison. There is no salvation for a ludus, they love the hunt and control of you, once they notice you are drifting they know how to bring you back in and chain you again. It is us who are really addicted to them, because they make it so easy and loving to stay and love them. I wish you all the best, stay STAY STRONG, TRUE and LOVE YOURSELF. You don't have to suffer, get support to free yourself and stop your pain. I was lucky enough that I did not fall for the marriage thing, even though he asked a couple of times, but I already knew of all his affairs. Marriage is the ultimate security for a ludus, as they know you are hooked for life. They have their cake and can eat it too. The ultimate fear for a ludus is loosing the control over a partner through their manipulation. Without that they are nothing. Let it go and you will be FREE. - AnnaRain Wed, 10 Oct 2007 21:46:27 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/made_a_mistake/husband_plays_with_my_heart.html#comment-900 You are so right! I'm starting to laugh about more now since the pain is subsiding. I thank God I didn't marry this evil person. I can see things coming for him soon. I believe he will receive exactly what he deserves. The funny part is that I no longer care what happens to him. So he better not cry wolf. LOL. - Gale Wed, 15 Aug 2007 18:52:50 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/made_a_mistake/husband_plays_with_my_heart.html#comment-893 Yeah, Gale, it can happen to the best of us. In fact, it probably ONLY happens to the best of us LOL! (Because we're not the ones who are out there looking to take advantage, we just don't see it coming.) - Eros/Agape type here! Sat, 11 Aug 2007 19:44:21 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/made_a_mistake/husband_plays_with_my_heart.html#comment-883 I have to say this website helped me understand what I wish I had seen sooner. But its true, when your in love with someone, you become blind. I CAN see now, even though I will never understand why this people take advantage of everyone. I hope others gain insight as well. - Gale Wed, 01 Aug 2007 19:43:42 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/made_a_mistake/husband_plays_with_my_heart.html#comment-880 It's your call. But my ex has never changed and never will. In the 4 months hes been out of my house he has worked on this other woman to get everything he wants from her. She put a huge down payment on a home with both of their names on the deed. (He has wanted a home of his own, but he didn't want to pay for it out of his own pocket.) If only she knew the truth about him. I know for a fact, if I wanted him back it would only take a phone call. But I am too good for him and I will NOT put myself through it again. He has currently been showing up at my home and I'm getting ready to take legal action against him to stay away. I have made up my mind and will not change it. It may take you awhile to reach the same point I am at in my life, but I wish you the best and hope you make the right decision for you and your daughter. Believe me, it is impossible for these men to change. - Gale Tue, 31 Jul 2007 18:02:49 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/made_a_mistake/husband_plays_with_my_heart.html#comment-876 My husband told me just yesterday that he is in love with an ex girlfriend of his to whom he was engaged before I met him. She married someone else and I met my husband about 4 months later. We dated an year and were engaged a year. There was a little contact with her after we met but nothing until about 6 months ago. We have been married 1 and 1/2 years and have a 9 month old daughter. He told me that she did an internet search and found him and began calling to initial a relationship. 3 months ago, he told me about it and I asked him to quit calling her. 2 weeks ago he confessed that he has been to a concert with her. He stayed in a hotel that night but denied that she was with him. I told him to get out and that I would be filing for divorce. He charmed his way back and I forgave him. He promised to stop all contact with her. Last Friday while I watched my daughter and his son (staying with us for his parenting time), he went to a concert with his friend Marty from work". I didn't believe him and it was confirmed when the cell phone bill came and he had only been calling her phone number to make arrangements. I confronted him and asked for an explanation. He told me that he had only been with Marty. Last night, he confessed (while drunk) that he had been on another date with her last Friday and that they had had sex. He also confessed that she had accompanied him to the hotel the night of the previous concert and they had had sex. He justified it by saying that at least he hadn't tried to have sex with me the same night. I packed his suitcase but told him he could sleep on the couch until morning (he was drunk) but not to return home after work, I didn't care where he went. He called several times from work today saying he was sorry, he changed his phone number, he wants to work it out and like a stupid person, I let him come home. I am at work (I work nights). He got our babysitter and "met Marty" for another concert. When I called him to tell him where I was working tonight, he told me they were eating at a local restaurant before the concert. I called home to check on my little girl and there was a message on our answering machine that I picked up by remote. It was from Marty asking my husband to call him. I know that he was lying to me and probably went to the concert with her again, lying to me the entire time. Am I supposed to forgive him and let him come home again? Pretend that I don't know that Marty called, believe that he actually told me the truth??? Should I pack his bags and chuck it all? Do these guys ever really change or will I always be wondering when he will call her again? - Joy1203 Fri, 27 Jul 2007 22:07:39 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/made_a_mistake/husband_plays_with_my_heart.html#comment-872 You are so right! We do deserve better. They will never be happy with anyone. - Gale Thu, 26 Jul 2007 11:30:39 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/made_a_mistake/husband_plays_with_my_heart.html#comment-863 Wow, going by the number of responses to this question there seem to be an awful lot of players out there. I want to say that women are players as well as men! I was pursued almost obsessively by a woman (when I was recovering from a serious illness). She was very charming in a childlike way, very attentive, and very soon she insisted very strongly on marriage, buying house together, the works. As the months went on the cracks appeared. This lady had never been married before - had had two longstanding relationships: one with a married man for many years, and the other with a woman who had her own (odd) domestic set-up with a former partner. Now, of course, I can well see that my partner didn't have the emotional wherewithal to support a partner in the normal way - so she had gone through life as a 'part-time partner', on the side. My partner freely admitted that she thought relationships were all about power and control and that, anyway, she didn't know how to 'do them'! She certainly had no concept of the teamwork and life-sharing that is necessary - and she literally went blank when I talked about intimacy and sharing feelings....she simply did not understand. Cutting a long story short, I challenged what felt to me like her emotional abuses (she was constantly critical of me even though she said many times, a la Daniel in Bridget Jones' Diary, 'If I can't be happy with you, I can't be happy with anyone...'). She ran a mile...dumped me most unceremoniously, callously, impulsively, by email. She was on the net exactly 3 hours later looking for a new partner - or should I say victim? I was shocked to the core and devastated. I had genuinely committed myself to her and our relationship, and found that although she was very intelligent she did not have even the first idea of how to make a marriage relationship work. Nowadays I feel sad and actually sorry for this lady. I am not at the point where I want to get into another relationship but at least when I do I know that I do have the skills and the ability to love and make a genuine commitment to a grown-up relationship. I doubt whether this lady will ever, at her mature time of life, develop these attributes. ...and my heart goes out to all who have been so devastated by these ludus, immature types...we deserve better! - Eros/Agape type here! Sat, 21 Jul 2007 16:15:26 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/made_a_mistake/husband_plays_with_my_heart.html#comment-804 Dear, whats love. I hope you both get counseling and hope I it works for you. No one can tell you what to do but I know from my own experiences that it didn't for me. My ex went for a few months then it was one excuse after another and I gave up going. I know I suffered from depression mostly because of his behavior, and I still do some, but I have gotten so much stronger since he is out of my life. I have a child who is grown now and she also sees him for what he is. I don't think I could have made her see it when she was little though. So you need to ask your self whats best for me and my child? Only you can make the right decision for yourself. I wish you all the best. - gale Tue, 19 Jun 2007 17:16:38 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/made_a_mistake/husband_plays_with_my_heart.html#comment-793 I think my fiance is sadly a ludus. He always makes excuses for his lies. He blames it on me and says I ask to many questions and am to distrusting and controlling. He will tell the smallest lie just to avoid an argument. He grew up in a home where love was never characterized. His parents never really made him feel "loved", and rarely told him "I love you". He has felt like a failure his whole life. When he started dating it would only be about sex with multiple women. He didn't really know what he should feel. The relationship he was in right before me was with a Ludus as well. He had a 3yr relationship and with her, and she was the first to say "I love you". He said he never knew how to receive it b/c of his childhood. So he easily betrayed her. She betrayed him several times more and this is what their relationship consisted of. He believes he never got help so the infidelity from that relationship continued into his relationship with me. Except I'm not a ludus... and I don't understand that kind of love. He always lies and cheat. When I think he has finally changed, it is only for a few months and I'm disappointed when I find out the truth. I caught him attempting to cheat with one of his exes recently. He says it will never happened again and changed his number and lets me see his phone. Please help me we are expecting a child and we are still engaged about to start counseling. I know he needs help! - whats love Tue, 12 Jun 2007 14:50:53 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/made_a_mistake/husband_plays_with_my_heart.html#comment-782 I too was in relationship with a Ludas. We were friends before dating and I had a daughter by a previous relationship who was a year old. Then HE moved in with me when my daughter was three. I wanted to marry him but I kept having doubts. He was the best liar I have ever known. We were together for 20 years although we had broke up a few times for very short periods. He would always mention other women at work. I caught him cheating thru email with another employee at work, we went to counseling but HE decided to end counseling. (There had been more doubts in my head about other women before this.) I couldn't trust him again. Recently he moved out and told everyone it was "my fault" because I wouldn't marry him. Truth is he already had another woman at work as his new target. She is vulnerable at this time because her husband passed away, and he sucked her into his lies. I am so glad I didn't marry him. He made me feel bad and everything that went wrong was always "my" fault. I loved him so much I let my hopes & dreams behind, to care for him. I feel like I have wasted my life for a liar and cheater. I hope other women will see him for what he is, but he is extremely good at lying and cheating. Now I'm starting to see other signs I should have paid more attention too. Now I will always trust my instincts, and follow my head and not my heart. Although, I just don't believe there are honest men left in the world. - Gale Sat, 02 Jun 2007 17:17:08 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/made_a_mistake/husband_plays_with_my_heart.html#comment-776 I was in a relationship for almost two-years with a Ludus and it is hard to break it off. They will constantly tell you what you want to hear and tell you they love you every night. He was very charming, articulate,& sweet but at the same time manipulative and controlling. He too made it known upfront that he did not want any drama in the relationship. He pretended to be religious, trusting, and believed in the Golden rule. After about six months we started having disagreements. He'd turn everything around made me out to be the bad guy putting me down but I'd give it right back. He would say if we truly love each other then we have to communicate. He'd never take responsibility for his actions and would never communicate or talk to me face to face it was always on the phone or in emails. My family/friends kept telling me he's got issues break up with him as it will only get worse if you marry him. I found out recently that he was talking to two of his ex-girfriends and was a member of eharmony while we were together. I called one of the women that he had met on line and found out his true colors. He lied so much to me and so often, that the truth is really unnatural for him. Our entire relationship was based on lies, cheating and deception. He was into conquests just too boost his ego and low self-esteem. Having women waiting in the wings fueled his desires. Recently, he went to the Mayor's party but told me he was just going to make an appearance but I found out later, he took this lady that he met online. I found her number on his pager. She was actually nice to me and (vulnerable to his charm as I was). She told me...he picked her up and took her home and kissed her on the cheek and that he was so nice to her...very affectionate, held her hand all night at the party, & rubbed her neck&back while he introduced her to members of city counsel and the Mayor. She also told me her son said he seems too good to be true! She said she was sorry about this and felt bad but I wasn't convinced she understood what I was telling her. I finally told him that it was over between us that I was done with this relationship. He was exposed yet he denied taking anyone to the party; of course--Said He never cheated on me ever and I was the only women he's ever been with in two years. HE said he went to the mayor's party alone and never took anyone but had met an old friend there and they walked around together for awhile and he shook her hand goodby and that was all as she was engaged to be married. I finally saw the writing on the wall! He phoned me said I had crossed the line with this accusation that he had not been with anyone else or had sex with anyone else. All lies! I think he lies so much that he is incapable of telling the truth and it is something he does so often that he does not have to think about it. All I know is ladies listen to your gut and watch for the red flags because they are there! - written by Courtney26, May 27, Sat, 26 May 2007 21:17:39 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/made_a_mistake/husband_plays_with_my_heart.html#comment-734 I never thought I'd wind up falling for a ludus--I definitely did though, and it was a relationship with a very short shelf-life. I could not believe how acceptable he found it to string several people along, and I didn't even suspect it until I started breaking things off, and he started a cycle of manipulative behavior with me. Even though I recognize the behaviors, and I understand what he was doing, I have had such a hard time getting past this. I really sympathize with all the emotional side effects of having fallen in love with a ludus. - Fancy67 Wed, 25 Apr 2007 15:43:43 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/made_a_mistake/husband_plays_with_my_heart.html#comment-699 I have a boyfriend that recently moved to a new city and exactly what she says in this story is what he tells me. He wants me to move and quit my job and everything. And he wants to marry me, but I have suspected he has cheated after all he failed a lie detector test "dummy" that he volunteered to take. And I have caught him in numerous lies. The funny thing is we were friends for three years and always told me he wanted to be with me but I wouldn't do it because he lived so far, but he finally moved near me and we made a go at it. Well I caught him lying about talking to other woman, his lack of wanting to have sex and always belittling me. The signs were there I just chose to ignore it, but now he moved back home and I feel better he is out of my life. I don't have worry about him being so dishonest with me, or cheating on me. He always made me feel so unattractive when I was with him. - chunkiemonkie Thu, 05 Apr 2007 13:39:16 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/made_a_mistake/husband_plays_with_my_heart.html#comment-448 I feel so bad after reading your story.. All this happens... Life is no joke. Apart from all the love that you had for each other, have you thought of the sort of effect it is going to have on your daughter and son? What would a 'family' mean to them? - Radiance Sat, 13 Jan 2007 17:30:22 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/made_a_mistake/husband_plays_with_my_heart.html#comment-421 To Joachim and other, A good moral compass helps greatly. Whether or not you adhere to any religion, morals are essential to hold man woman, families, and thus societies together. And love and truth are the only way. Remember, these are very simple but great truths: We reap what we sow; don't do unto others what you wouldn't like to be done unto you; other people are not means to an end, but ends in themselves. It's really quite simple; we just make it very difficult, because being human is not easy. But there are ways. Read, inquire,investigate. These matters are as old as mankind. And believe me, the answers are all in the books: you just have to search for them. Know your emotions, use them right; don't let them use you. Good luck to all and best wishes. Tula - Tula Fri, 05 Jan 2007 07:24:49 +0100