Comments for Husband Constantly Cheats at http://www.truthaboutdeception.com , comment 1 to 61 out of 20 comments http://www.truthaboutdeception.com Wed, 20 Aug 2008 05:22:19 +0100 FeedCreator 1.7.2 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/husband_constantly_cheats.html#comment-1546 This is a "ADDICTION". I read all I could on addictions and affairs and how I enabled our relationship. It helped me understand better what I needed to do. I hope this helps. - quest Sun, 10 Aug 2008 20:02:15 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/husband_constantly_cheats.html#comment-1511 Read all this stuff and you ladies deserve better. I'm a guy, good looking, honest, faithful, hard working and a good father. Never cheated or even came close, but I married a habitual liar and cheater. She is mid 40s and looks are going downhill fast. She compensates by being more desperate and far reaching. I put my faith in God. She can do whatever she wants- when my last child graduates from high school I'm going to dump her asap. It will hurt my kids but I'm looking forward to finding someone like me who wants some fun, honesty, healthy lifestyle, and a generous spouse who will hold her hand, and walk down the beach just showing her some caring moments and a few smiles along the way. That will be my future. My wife will be alone, trying to steal someone else's guy- the last guy she was with had a wife dying of cancer while the two of them had their fun. Yes she sleeps just fine at night. She is lazy, selfish and focused on her looks and soap operas most of her day. I can do better. I will. So will you too....ladies out there, I'll be looking for ya. In the meantime take care, give your worries to God and love yourself more each day. Choose to be happier more each day, week, year. Make your break at the moment you have saved, planned and chosen to begin your life again. I'm hopeful for all of you. Have faith, lots of faith. Trust in the next life. Thank God for your blessings and give him your troubles. Pray. Love to all, Nice guy - nice guy will finish first Wed, 30 Jul 2008 02:17:04 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/husband_constantly_cheats.html#comment-1510 Does anyone have any advice for my situation with my sister (read four entries above)? I just really want my sister back.... >:( - JuicyinTX Tue, 29 Jul 2008 12:47:30 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/husband_constantly_cheats.html#comment-1503 I'm a victim too. - Nor Sun, 27 Jul 2008 07:17:28 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/husband_constantly_cheats.html#comment-1498 Hi ladies I just happened to bump into this website I just want to let you all know that their is a light at the end of the tunnel. My so call then boyfriend would cheat on me all the time and when I would confront him he would always cry and tell me how so sorry he was I forgave him a few times even had his child (I already had a child from a previous relationship) but things just got worst, I finally got up packed my things and both my children and I were gone for good. He tried to come back but I refused to put up with his behavior he could never keep a job, he never had any money to help support his child in anyway, but always had money to party with friends and women. Just before my 2nd child turned 9 months I met the most wonderful man in the world he loves both my children and I and has been the only father figure my children have ever seen my youngest calls him daddy and in my eyes that is and will always be his father. It has been almost 3 years since I first met my prince charming and life has never been more wonderful we got married found out we are expecting another bundle of joy and have just purchased our very first home. There are good men out there unfortunately we have to pick some bad apples before we find that good one it took me 12 years and THANK GOD I finally found that good man. Ladies keep your heads up and continue to pray it may seem like it will take forever but your day will come and when it does your ex will realize what he lost and will try to come crawling back just like mine did. P.S One never knows what they have until it's gone. - cinthia Fri, 25 Jul 2008 16:17:54 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/husband_constantly_cheats.html#comment-1495 Ladies, Yes my husband is cheating and I know it. He is so bold that she gave him a cell phone and pays the bill. Most of the time he drives around in her car. When I approach him about it he says these a just material things and lies about their relationship. Give me a break! We have been married for eighteen years a three children. One who is grown and other are teenagers. Sometimes I want him to leave and sometimes I don't. We have a house together and I am not going to leave my home and I think he knows this. I feel awful to say the least. Sometimes I feel like cheating but nice guys are limited and I might just end up with another cheater. Then there is the threat of Aids an other diseases. What's a good women to do? - shugba Wed, 23 Jul 2008 23:49:46 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/husband_constantly_cheats.html#comment-1492 This is a sad website! I have been married for 8 years to a mostly wonderful man. His only problem is that he is a dreadful cheat. I really don't have a problem with the cheating because this is my second marriage and my first ended because of cheating. I have numerous girlfriends who have cheating husbands. This is something that just happens. I think that more than 50% of men cheat. The reason that they cheat is the experience of sex with other women... the thrill. I have tried all kinds of sexual things to spice up our sex life, toys, lingerie, dirty talk, you name it. There is just something about having sex with someone new for him. He tells me he loves me and wants to be with me but for some reason he can't stop the affairs. The sad thing is that I always find out about the women that he is sleeping with. I spoke to the last two women who seemed to form some attachment to him that they could not break even though they on got to spend a few hours a month with him. I don't understand how they continue an affair with someone they cannot have more time with. Funny thing, both women said that the sex was horrible (erectile). He and I have great sex!!! I think that he has cheated so many times that he feels guilty and cannot completely perform. I think this is God's punishment for his infidelity ;D! - st69 Wed, 23 Jul 2008 05:42:01 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/husband_constantly_cheats.html#comment-1488 I'm in deep pain right now. Karen (UK) said learn to love yourself, how can I do that when every time I get out of one of his flings, I end up hating myself, stuffing myself and ruining every possible chance I have in life! I'm on self destruct mode right now. I wish I can just die and all this will be over. I went to counselling and they told me that you have to love yourself, will someone tell me how to do that when its me who is letting him keep going on and on? Im married by the way, since I was 19. 8 years now and nothing changed. - This is SAD! Fri, 18 Jul 2008 15:23:08 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/husband_constantly_cheats.html#comment-1482 My older sister is turning 30 this year and just found out in November of 07 that her husband of almost years had cheated on her with a coworker. Before being married they were together for 12 years. My brother-in-law was like a brother to my younger sister and I and like the son my dad never had. He had this demeanor that he was a good boy and by far the best choice for his eldest daughter. Big joke that was.... He told her it only happened once but everyone knew deep down it was a lie. The only reason why she found out was because of a text message....he had deleted all his inbox messages but forgot to delete the outgoing messages. So basically she found out by default. He is the kind of man who gives off a sexual energy.. always touchy freely and flirty. I always wondered why my sister didn't question him sometimes but it was only because she is naive and believed he was the best thing for her. Since then my sister has lost a considerable amount of weight...not from exercising and eating healthy but from depression. It is sad when people who have only seen her once or twice comment on how she looks sickly. After discovering this my sister stayed at my parents house for four days then went back to him on HER birthday. Since then she has completely changed and has not been the person who she was before, the sister I have known my whole life. Their is a bitterness in her tone and a sadness in her eyes. She just recently told us that she is having a baby... I was speechless and could not bring myself to be happy for her. It is plain to see that this is just a desperate attempt to mend their broken marriage. I know he did it more than once and I know he will continue to do so when my sister is engulfed with the new life growing inside her. He is a research assistant who works odd hours at times so unless I catch him myself I don't think she would ever leave him. Can someone please give me advice on this... I am desperate and can't watch my sister wither away and live on this false hope that it only happened once and will never happen again. Someone please help. - desperate for answers... Wed, 16 Jul 2008 14:19:00 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/husband_constantly_cheats.html#comment-1472 Well after reading all the letters I believe we WOMAN must not put to much TRUST on their Man which once a upon time I was also a victim. It was very difficult moment but than again I was able to WAKE UP from a nightmare. Decided to earn extra money for myself and my two daughters. They think they have a wonderful father but soon they will know what kind of (Father) was he when they grow up. So you woman out there don't show your husband what you EARN as one day he might u can also make him your slave!!! Which is what I am doing NOW. I ignore whatever he does but at the same time be FIRM in all my decisions. - Angeline @Irene Tue, 08 Jul 2008 21:44:49 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/husband_constantly_cheats.html#comment-1457 Did you know that a woman who stays with a man who cheats becomes a co-addict in the man's sex addiction (assuming it is a sex/intimacy addiction which it very often is). She becomes the catalyst needed for the man to continue his behavior. If you are in a relationship like this seek a someone who specializes in helping sex addictions. YOU can not change him, but you can try and support him to change himself. Don't try to help him directly because like any addict chances are he simply wont listen. Just somehow get him to a professional. Remember you are working with an addict not someone who is doing things to hurt you. PS: Most people who cheat on their spouses are women... men just get caught more often. We are all human and the only thing some sort of man hating, feminist attitude will gain you is pain. - TK Mon, 30 Jun 2008 19:29:01 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/husband_constantly_cheats.html#comment-1443 Hi, I have a suggestion for you. Go for a long tour (with him only) for at least 15 days. Ask him to fulfill his fantasies with you. You too try to enjoy and do the things which he likes. And buy the things for him which he likes, and try to give him his favorite food. In short, just go for a SECOND HONEYMOON !!! May this thing works and you are able to have a good married life with him. And if this works, then DO NOT forget to repeat the whole procedure every 5-6 months. - Ajinder Mon, 23 Jun 2008 07:20:12 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/husband_constantly_cheats.html#comment-1441 My husband cheats. I know it - he doesn't know i know. He's done this with women I know and even with women who have been in our home. He was married before and cheated on her with me, so I can't say I am a victim. What to do? Well, while you must have crossed a certain threshold to take the action I've taken, I am now cheating on him. With men he might know and men I find sexually desirable. Given that his ego is huge (overcompensation on his part, not warranted by life circumstances) and that I am much sharper than he is, he'll never suspect. Is this for everyone? No. But I've made my peace with married life and I am enjoying the hedonist path to sanity and contentment. - ShaftyJen Sat, 21 Jun 2008 08:59:35 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/husband_constantly_cheats.html#comment-1363 Thanks KX for your insight, but I have been married for 2 years, and my husband does not care about my feelings at all. I think men who cheat are very selfish. I have heard all the promises, and I tell him that he needs to really pray if he wants to change cause I cannot make him. I am tired of the drama, and yesterday we had the final talk. I think it's finally over. I just don't know why it hurts so bad. This man hurt me immensely, so shouldn't I be happy we finally through? - GivenUp Thu, 08 May 2008 08:59:45 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/husband_constantly_cheats.html#comment-1354 Thank you everyone - I needed to know that I am not alone. This is his 3rd time, I have 3 small children and I am freaking out thinking he might give me a disease from his affairs. This time, like others have said, I know its not me. But I feel stuck, held hostage, I found out two weeks after buying a new house that I cant afford on my own. Even still I probably would leave but I work late hours and he needs to be there to take care of the kids. These men are selfish and disgusting. He laid up with these questionable women and came home and kissed my children! How disgusting. He even went so far as to bring them to my house. I truly believe there is nothing I can do to fix this. I want to be able to look my children in the eye and tell them that I did everything I could to make it work but how many times do I have to forgive? - sekayi Tue, 06 May 2008 10:03:00 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/husband_constantly_cheats.html#comment-1352 I am that man! I have noticed that there are so many comments about the victimized women and I feel for you all, but as I said I am that man and no it's not something that I'm happy about. I have spent the better part of the last 20 years doing what I have done. My wife has forgiven me a number of times, but I continued. I don't want to lose my marriage but I have struggled with this problem constantly justifying what I do with some trivial crap just to make myself feel better. I know it's very wrong and for the last couple years I have struggled trying to understand why that happens to me. I was raised without a father or guidance from my mother. I tried to have a discussion with her not too long ago regarding this problem. I have never met my father, so I asked if he was also like me, or better yet is this something that I inherited from him. I hate that this occurs and my wife is about to leave me after my last incident. My wife is beautiful and walks on water for me, so it's not like these other women were better or offered me more. That has been the most difficult thing to accept and understand. I can't stand to bare the thought of not having my wife and 4 children. I do know that I have issues and that I need to fix them. I have turned to GOD since I have hit rock bottom. I have also began to read a number of books that have changed the way I see things both at home and within myself. One of them is "Sacred Marriage" by Gary Thomas. This booked helped me in understanding the importance of my family and my marriage. It teaches you to see the important things and accept her for who she is and see how special she really is. This addressed the excuse of thinking that you're not happy at home with your wife and that this other women gives you something that you can't get at home. The other book was "Every Man's Battle" this book guides you in controlling the Male Human Sexual Instinct that is discussed on this site. It relates to the sexual behaviors of the male mind and how to go about making the changes to eliminate these behaviors. This is a good read for women as well since it describes what men think in detail. What our mental thought process goes through and how we feed off of our thoughts and how they turn into sexual desires. The author also includes the female point of view in each chapter so that as a male reader you get the womens perspective into something that she knew nothing about. Both of these books have helped me adjust my behavior, but I see that it is a constant struggle. I also know that the man must acknowledge his problem and want to change his behavior. He must see himself as the problem and want to change himself. I don't know if my marriage will survive since my wife has been so hurt, but for my own sake and the sake of my family and possible future partners, I must overcome this issue, because I can't stand myself. I feel like a failure and I know I'm better than that. I am so sorry for what you women have gone through, but please believe that deep down inside we really don't want to be the way we are. I hope in some way my comments may be a little helpful. - KX Mon, 05 May 2008 23:29:18 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/husband_constantly_cheats.html#comment-1337 18 years of marriage and infidelity- I am sitting here trying to do some work and wondering who my husband is screwing tonight. My spouse is into men. We both just agreed on a divorce- but I am left with all the worries and tears. I feel so ashamed, stupid and very lonely. - Christinea Tue, 29 Apr 2008 00:10:05 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/husband_constantly_cheats.html#comment-1335 I'm fifty four years old, and I've been divorced for two years almost. My cheater left his first wife for me, and I smugly thought he would never cheat on me HAH!! LEOPARDS DO NOT BECOME TIGERS!!!! How to know your husband of 14 years is cheating: 1. He has worn white cotton briefs for our entire marriage, and now wears silk boxers. Told me I was the underwear police when I questioned him about it. 2. Asks me, his then 52 year old wife in full blown menopause if it is ok for him to get a vasectomy! 3. Starts wearing gold chains, new shirts and cologne to "go have a beer with the guys" 4. Calls me every day at work, to find out what I am doing after work. I thought, how nice, he thought, I need to know where she is so she won't catch me. 5. Spends hours on the cell phone, out in the hot tub, then tells me he is talking to one of our mutual friends. I go in the house, and call that friend, who has not heard from him in months..... 6. I found Viagra and Condoms in his wallet, then he tells me that the Viagra was for me( HA!) and the condoms were his sons, (What bull!) 7. I catch him with the 30 year old blond, who looks cute on a barstool and has the IQ of lint and he says the all time classic "It's not what you think..." So please tell me, what is it then?? Keep your chin up, gals, They really aren't worth all of this pain. You will eventually laugh your butt off over the whole thing. - finally over it Sun, 27 Apr 2008 21:36:15 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/husband_constantly_cheats.html#comment-1334 In short: been there, done that, wounds don't heal . With that being said, I've come to realize that most of us are for one reason or another stuck in the situation, otherwise, it would be easier to just pack and go. The ladies who have invested 1/2 their lives sacrificing career for family, lost our identities, for compulsive cheaters who never had the ability to respect. Wouldn't it be great if somehow the cheated on, like in first wives club, could network together nationwide and unite, help each other get jobs that we could actually raise our kids by ourselves on, afford to pay rent and eat. There has to be an enormous collection of ladies who have been used and abused by cheaters, landlords, employers, lawyers, etc. that if we all looked after another, maybe the tables would be turned on these men. I do believe one in less desirable circumstance has to get their ducks in a row prior to leaving, and with today's economy, that isn't always easy to do. I'm trying to do that now, and what I thought was a year extension of misery is now going into the second year of escape prep!! I do believe that the only way to beat a cheater, is to leave. Love is respect, and cheating is disrespect. - merry go round betrayal Sun, 27 Apr 2008 16:52:29 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/husband_constantly_cheats.html#comment-1297 WOW. It's been so beneficial for me to read everyone's stories and comments. I found out about 6 weeks ago that my boyfriend, who had been living with me for 9 months, had been cheating on me with not just 1, but 2 different women. Each started about 3 months after the other. When finally caught, he said that he doesn't think he's capable of change... but still loved me and wanted to try, and didn't want to lose me. So we tried. Or at least I TRIED. I thought we were trying, but he was only continuing to lie so he could keep me happy and continue to see the other woman. Like many of you have said in your comments -- I should've seen the writing on the wall. I am not the 1st, 2nd, or even the 3rd person he's been with and cheated on. It is a cycle and pattern he is incapable of breaking. That would require that he actually WANTED to break it. These last 6 weeks have been pure emotional HELL... as I really do love him and want to BELIEVE that he can be different and we can make it. But my belief in him has been re-shattered too many times, and it's not enough for me to be the only one trying and believing. He cannot and will not change.... it's been very difficult for me to accept that, because I want him to so badly. But he is not my mess to fix.... NONE of these cheating, lying men are our mess to fix. We deserve better. - hurt, confused, betrayed Fri, 11 Apr 2008 16:34:30 +0100