Comments for Boyfriend Lying about his Ex at http://www.truthaboutdeception.com , comment 1 to 20 out of 20 comments http://www.truthaboutdeception.com Thu, 20 Nov 2008 04:41:27 +0100 FeedCreator 1.7.2 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/lying/boyfriend_lying_about_his_ex.html#comment-1684 Wow! I really didn't think anyone could be putting up with the same things I am putting up with (going on 4 years now) Putting up with this kind of behavior really brings your self-esteem down to nearly nothing. You feel like you are never going to be good enough. Especially after 4 years he still hasn't decided it would be a good idea to sign the divorce papers. I know all of your issues seem to be at their worst. Trust me, you haven't made a fool of yourself til you've walked a mile in my shoes. For instance, many trips to her home for a week at a time b/c we want to make sure everything is ok with her, going into the other room or completely running me off because she has called or he told her he would call her back. He claims he feels sorry for her b/c she doesn't have anyone. She uses every manipulating tool available to make him feel sorry for her. Crying, screaming, self-infliction threats, any and everything you can imagine. Neither of them were happy in their marriage. He bent over backwards try to make her happy all in vain. Now I'm the one trying to make him happy and she is still getting the best part of him. He tells me that he will never be that person again. That only makes me feel like less of a person because how can you love and care for someone so much give everything you have and it still not be good enough. Yet all the while he tried the exact same thing with her and she never even appreciated anything he ever done for her. Oh but now she claims she does. Nothing has changed with her and never will. She still acts like the same spoiled ass brat she always did when she doesn't get her way. I'm a fool for doing this to myself. I know it sounds very simple, and if I weren't in this situation and were just merely reading about someone else I would say the same thing,"What are you doing? Find someone else!" But that really is not that simple at all when you are in love with someone that so obviously is in love with someone else. All I can say is Lord help me and all of you who are going through this same thing. - whatsleftofme Sun, 28 Sep 2008 23:15:33 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/lying/boyfriend_lying_about_his_ex.html#comment-1644 I try my hardest-like most I'm sure-to make trust the basis of my relationship. my boyfriend and i have been together for 9 months and he was with his ex for at least 2 years before me. i learned (on my own) early on in our relationship that they lived together-which is a big deal for me. he has yet to tell me anything about her--even the fact that they lived together. I feel so guilty, but I've looked at his call log several times and found that they talk-not often, but about once a month... I just find it weird that I've told him everything about my ex and he's never said so much as one word about his... I've learned more on my own and from his mom that from him...His mom said he knows he made a mistake by dating this other girl (supposedly she was a piece of work) and he just doesn't want to have to face me with it.... I want to ask him so bad about her but I don't know how to bring it up. I just want some piece of mind... any suggestions on how to bring it up?? - hmelt88 Tue, 16 Sep 2008 19:50:34 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/lying/boyfriend_lying_about_his_ex.html#comment-1637 I can't believe how sad this blog is. I too, suspected things with my boyfriend. I checked his phone and found out he hung out with his ex-girlfriend. after taking a short break, I gave him another chance. BIG MISTAKE. one month later, I caught him again. this time he told me he was at home sleeping- yet I drove by and he wasn't even home (at 3AM, on my way home from work!!) so I am trying to end things. This just happened yesterday. Its so hard but I know that I will never again be able to trust him. Things can't just go back to normal. Those knots in the stomach stay there. - thisissad. Sun, 14 Sep 2008 04:28:53 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/lying/boyfriend_lying_about_his_ex.html#comment-1596 This is complete and utter crap - my boyfriend is doing the same thing I was looking for a number for his birthday and saw his ex had called he told me that it had been a long time ago. I had already looked and he had talked with her a day before mind you I have never met her and yet they are friends >:( - mary1981 Mon, 01 Sep 2008 04:09:41 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/lying/boyfriend_lying_about_his_ex.html#comment-1536 to cnd67.. I know exactly how U R feeling.. I hope things work out for you soon, the betrayal is maddening and it slowing eats away at you..good luck - mitter11 Thu, 07 Aug 2008 00:28:10 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/lying/boyfriend_lying_about_his_ex.html#comment-1535 I'm reading this and agreeing with most of the comments here.. My girlfriend calls her ex's approximately 5-6 times a month, and there are 6-7 of them going back 8 years.. I found out 2 years ago, and she promised no to do it anymore, but she keeps doing it anyway. I found out by checking her phone and occasionally her e-mails. Also, she started e-mailing and calling people she meets thru her work as a flight attendant, then when confronted lies about it and tells me they're gay, then I found out later that's not true. She says nothing's going on withe any of them, but I have to believe that there's something wrong with someone who has the insatiable need to keep in contact with ex's and new guys constantly. Help, I can't believe I'm still putting up with this at my age, 48. What should I do? - mitter11 Thu, 07 Aug 2008 00:25:22 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/lying/boyfriend_lying_about_his_ex.html#comment-1528 I agree totally with marji, clou, RJ, a whole lot of you. I think with my bf, it feels like the only reason he's with me is because she doesn't want him. At first his contact with her didn't bother me. Then he started having a problem with some of my male friends. Said it was because they have low moral standards. I pointed out that his ex did too, yet he still called her all the time, still had a friendship. He said he'd cut contact with her. So I cut contact with my male friends that he didn't like. he lied, he continued to call her, just did it behind my back. called her 3 times on my 40th birthday, which was a non-event, maybe because his heart was elsewhere. Then he engages in other deceptive practices, privately chatting with, calling, and txting female co-workers and lying about that to me too, like I'm just Ms. You'll Do For Now. then tells me she's his "friend" -- heard that before. He's only been on the job for a couple months... again, he felt the need to hide that from me, close chat windows when I walk in the room, and lie about it when asked. He's a busy guy. He still has time to continually call his ex. This is the behavior that just furthers my belief that his ex is the one who's important in his heart, I'm convenient, and he's going to keep looking for something else. He and I have only been together a year and a half. We're not married, and he's not the father of my daughter. these things make my decision easier. We have to leave. All I am doing by staying with him is rewarding his bad behavior and allowing it to affect me negatively. My daughter is 4. She doesn't deserve to live in this dysfunction. Whoever wrote the response to the original question missed the mark. I'm not jealous. I'm betrayed. There's a difference. My bf lied to me from the start. He made himself out to be something he's not and couldn't live up to. He moved in with me when he was 41. By then, a guy's just deceptive by nature. - cnd67 Tue, 05 Aug 2008 01:09:12 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/lying/boyfriend_lying_about_his_ex.html#comment-1487 I have been in the same boat and it is not pleasant the feeling that someone is lying to you. - GGGG Fri, 18 Jul 2008 00:45:07 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/lying/boyfriend_lying_about_his_ex.html#comment-1368 I never in a million years thought that I would be going through this, let alone that there are others like me out there. All I can say is that this has been going on for 3 1/2 years and it still hurts like the first day.. I've know my man since the 2nd grade and he's never payed any attention to me until recently with his wife left him for another man @ took his son.. after that he always loved me, which I found out is all lies.. He's called me her name, he tries to relive/react every thing they shared (which I know every detail since we where once friends) I've come to the point that all I can do is cry.. He's lied to me about sooo many things, he claims that they were told to spare my feelings, I'm just at a point that I don't know what to do anymore. My mind is tired my heart is beat up oh did I mention that we have a child makes things all the harder.. if any one out there who knows what I should do please let me know.. - mousie Sat, 10 May 2008 12:48:48 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/lying/boyfriend_lying_about_his_ex.html#comment-1333 Well, sounds as if we are all in the same boat! Here I am 37 and dealing with "bs" I never thought I would in my age and wisdom! Found him this last Sunday at a bar with his ex wife, who happened to kick him out, because she fell for a man in prison (3 yrs ago...). Oh, did I mention that when they first met each other, she was married to another man, and she kicked him out to be with my now bf! Well, I am officially numb, hurt, and honestly tired of the stupid bs!!! I have distanced myself from him, and told him that this "relationship" is now officially about ME!!! I don't even have a desire to make love to him anymore. Where as, I was constantly wanting to be intimate with him!!! By the way, this is the fourth time, he has lied to me about his ex. Says he feels sorry for her, and that she is a friend!! Well I said no more... you can call her (trying to negotiate with him) but I insist you NOT hang with her anymore!! Will it stop him?? What he doesn't know is that I have access to his phone bills, etc... and he is a CRAPPY liar!! So... will keep all posted!! Good luck to all of you who are as weak as me... and still has to stay with a man, who lies... love does "shi**y" things, doesn't it? - Vicssecret4me Fri, 25 Apr 2008 13:33:09 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/lying/boyfriend_lying_about_his_ex.html#comment-1311 I actually am a guy who's been single for 3 years now, as I've never been with anyone apart from my first girlfriend who ended up getting married to a friend after our 2 year relationship ended, but as they got together 1 month after we split up I was unable to get to a point where we could be friends. I'm 26 and don't think I'll ever find anyone I think about her every day and distance myself as much as possible from her as she doesn't seem to want to talk to me although we have the same friends, what can I do as I know if I talk to her (not even about us just normal stuff) she just gives me a funny look I feel sad as she was my best friend and now I don't have that either, can anyone tell me from a womens point of view whats going through her mind and what I should do? I'm not trying to get her back I think I just need some kind of closure and I can't say anything as she will tell her husband. Thank you for reading and any help I get. - kris kris Thu, 17 Apr 2008 10:38:38 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/lying/boyfriend_lying_about_his_ex.html#comment-1270 I am also going through the same thing. I am on the verge of ending my year long relationship with my boyfriend or should I say soon to be ex boyfriend because he refuses to tell the truth. He even admitted to me earlier in the relationship when he was caught cheating that he is a pathological liar. How can I continue on with someone who admits this? Love make you do peculiar things, but I need to be strong and realize, there are better men for me out there. Hope this optimistic advise helps you ladies in similar situations. - Candie Tue, 01 Apr 2008 09:12:26 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/lying/boyfriend_lying_about_his_ex.html#comment-1269 I am going through something like this right now too. I recently married and and my husband is still talking to and about his ex-girlfriend. He refuses to tell her we area married!!!!! I am livid. He broke up with her last year, supposedly, and she calls him still, and she thinks I am just a girlfriend, makes dates for sex. To date, he has not gone on them but I know he wants to cause he tells me so. We are married and they are both disrespecting me and our relationship!!!! I love this man but I don't like the way I am being treated. - Katlean Mon, 31 Mar 2008 18:11:31 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/lying/boyfriend_lying_about_his_ex.html#comment-1206 :'( Let's see, it's been 3 months since I last posted, and I still have bouts of depression and anger every time I think about how he lied about talking to his ex for a year to me. I know sometimes I am being unreasonable with my demands and anger towards him. But the pain is overwhelming at times, and it paralyzes me. I just don't know if I'll ever get over his betrayal. I've stopped feeling special a long time ago. Underneath all the anger, I still love him. But the anger and the pain really blurs this fact for me. - Marji Fri, 29 Feb 2008 08:17:24 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/lying/boyfriend_lying_about_his_ex.html#comment-1169 Wow. A lot more people are going through this than I thought. I have the same problem. My fiance has previously been married to another woman and I find myself going through his msn chat logs. One time on I looked on purpose and one time on accident. I can't sleep at night thinking about how she talks about still being attracted to him sexually, the past and trying to bring up when they used to have sex. I try to talk to him about it and he gets angry in an instant calling me invasive. I admit that this might be invasive, but that doesn't change what has happened and how I cry everyday about it. - RJ Wed, 13 Feb 2008 15:36:34 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/lying/boyfriend_lying_about_his_ex.html#comment-1158 >:(I agree with marj and clue... I am in the same situation he says he won't contact his ex outside of work, yet he still does... This is not helpful advice... it only made me angry to read this. - Chelbyjoy Mon, 11 Feb 2008 06:10:03 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/lying/boyfriend_lying_about_his_ex.html#comment-1103 I experienced the same thing - for the past 4 years! Wonder how I managed to survive? I get back at him. By doing the same thing he did- chat with other men, dating, even to the point of sleeping with them. Do I feel goo about it? Not at all. My heart slowly dies and now could no longer feel an y pain he brought to me. - Kissy Wed, 16 Jan 2008 00:54:26 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/lying/boyfriend_lying_about_his_ex.html#comment-1099 I agree with marj, I've recently had issues with my boyfriend with him lying to me, and I read this advice and I'm feeling now like it's something that I did wrong to make him lie to me... - CLou Tue, 15 Jan 2008 18:43:20 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/lying/boyfriend_lying_about_his_ex.html#comment-1064 >:( this advice makes the betrayed partner feel worse, or seem like it's his/her fault their partner has lied to them about talking to their ex. - marji Wed, 19 Dec 2007 11:17:24 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/lying/boyfriend_lying_about_his_ex.html#comment-995 The same thing is happening to me... The exact same thing... I can't control my jealousy nor my questions... It is very hard though I really love him. - Suzy Wed, 24 Oct 2007 18:57:06 +0100