Comments for husband std at http://www.truthaboutdeception.com , comment 1 to 51 out of 20 comments http://www.truthaboutdeception.com Fri, 19 Mar 2010 05:58:18 +0100 FeedCreator 1.7.3 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/husband_std.html#comment-4148 My husband of 13.5 years confessed to me that he began cheating with prostitutes after he got back from Iraq in 2008. He had to tell me because he contracted gonorrhea. He told me he didn't consider it cheating because he didn't have any emotional attachment. It is crazy how men justify things. He swore that all of the blood test results were fine. He claimed that he was clear of everything else. I told him that I didn't believe him and was going to be tested for everything. After many tears, I went to the doctor 3 days later & requested STD tests. Turns out that I didn't have gonorrhea. But my blood test showed exposure to HSV (herpes). I am angry and hurt. I have been COMPLETELY faithful to him and have not been with another man since 1994. My husband was away with the military when I told him about my test results. His comment was, "they didn't tell me that I had that". He tried to convince me that I may have already had it. I flew into a rage. I have been pregnant five times BY HIM. I haven't been with anyone else almost 16 years. I have been tested for STDs several times with each pregnancy. Before we got married, I was tested for everything. I HATE him! I don't believe anything that he says anymore. Thank God I tested negative for everything else. I will NEVER be intimate with him again. I don't trust him. I think he is disgusting. He is a pervert. He had started watching an unusually huge amount of porn and then I found a tape he had made of women's butts. I simply do not desire him anymore. He went to the doctor & had a blood test. He did have herpes. I believe that he has known he had it. That is why he was so insistent that his blood test were "normal". He didn't want me to find out that he may have transmitted it to me. Our kids adore their father but I hate him. It is amazing how thin the line is between love & hate. I have done NOTHING to deserve this. It was his own selfish needs & desires as well as his addiction to pornography. I told him that he needs Jesus and a good counselor for his sexual addiction. My mother in law has tried to convince me to work things out with him because "he loves you". He does not LOVE me. I loved him; therefore, I have never jeopardized his health by being unfaithful to him. Men think that they are the only ones with sexual needs. I wasn't getting my emotional or sexual needs met but I stayed faithful and just tried to work things out. I didn't just think of myself. I thought of him & our family. That's the difference between me & him. I put our needs above my own. He didn't. Now, I have to forever deal with his selfish, stupid decision. NOW he doesn't want to lose me or our family. I have let him know that he has already lost me. His children will always be his children because they need both of us. I will never interfere with his relationship with his kids. We, however, are through. He can't ever touch me. He wants nasty, skanky, trashy looking women and he can have them. He is now free to do whatever he wants to do with whomever he wants to do it with. I deserve more than what he can give me...Lies, deceit, and disease. I vowed for better or worse. I didn't vow to be a fool. - hurtwife Sat, 13 Feb 2010 00:34:53 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/husband_std.html#comment-4114 After 6 months of long arduous conversations the full disclosure was revealed. He met this tramp at a barbershop he used to visit, she started conversing with him whenever she would come by with her son. He was heavy into the porn, felt like I was distant and did not need him, he fell for her advances. They would meet up during the day and go get a motel room to screw. He used a condom however when she performed Oral on him, he didn't. This was going on nearly half of 2008 until the barbershop closed down. Then he started visiting a barbershop closer to our home and sometime in the summer of 2009 he's coming out and she appears and strikes up a conversation. Of course he's still into his porn and here she is showing him all this attention, he falls once again for the bait. They meet up later that week and then again in August. The last encounter, is when I believe he contracted the Trich because he admitted that the last time they had sex, the condom came off just as he was about to "you know" and that he kept going. The Herpes however I believe was contracted through all the other encounters since my Dr. said it can be transmitted by skin to skin contact. I fortunately have not tested positive for the HSV1 or HSV2. What's really unfortunate about the situation is that after their last encounter, she told him that she was moving to another part of Texas with her boyfriend/child's father. Yes she had a significant other as well. Throughout this sex-ca-pade they never exchanged phone numbers, he didn't even know her last name, she didn't even know his REAL name, they didn't know where the other lived/resided, TOTALLY INSANE. I told him, you're an idiot because this sleaze probably knew she had Herpes and when the condom came off, she got nervous and came up with some bogus story of "moving" to justify never coming around anymore because you might soon find out. She probably knew she had the Trich also and was probably being treated for it which is why her vagina didn't smell during intercourse, but she probably knew that she wasn't supposed to be having sex. Anyway, we are still together and it I have my moments but one thing that this experience has taught me is that God is good. Although I thought our marriage was great and wonderful, it really wasn't because I was so caught up in my career and the children that I did forget about him. I was so caught up in achieving the American Dream that God was not a focal point of our marriage nor the household. I was always on the hustle for more and more and not realizing that the most important thing in life is God and family. We have grown to learn a lot about each other these past 6 months. There's a lot that he's come to learn about himself as well and it wasn't a pretty site to look at neither for himself or for me, but it was who he was, what he had been through and his mentality that caused him to involve himself with someone outside of our marriage. He was so twisted that he had formed this thought that I didn't love him, that I didn't need him, etc. These ideals were so far from the truth, although I have to admit sometimes my words and reactions can lead one to believe that. We both came to realize also that porn can be a devastating addiction and that it should in know way have any place in a marriage. I as well as he thought it was harmless but after all of our long conversations and discussions, I've come to realize that there's a timeline that went from occasional viewing, to frequent viewing, to excessive viewing (which I was unaware of - another one of his admissions). He had opened himself up to an unrealistic view of sex and what it was supposed to be. So along comes Ms. Sex-A-Holic and shows him some interest, and he's flattered. Little Miss tells him what she would like to do to him and he's nose wide open. So my husband is now in day 46 of an online porn course which he loves. I'm still up and down but confident that through prayer and keeping God first, we will prevail and grow old together - at least I hope. However if it's not meant to be then so be it, I'm okay with that. I've learned a lot about myself and I'm making strides and efforts to become a better person for me and my children. For now he's along for the ride and should he choose to jump off the train, then so be it, I'm still moving forward. To all the other women I wish you luck and I understand your pain. We must stand strong and take care nothing for granted and not allow anyone to destroy who you are as a person. I'll be back to check on others' and comment if necessary. Sorry for such a long post but this site brought something out of me and I just had to share my story. - Wild Ride Tue, 09 Feb 2010 17:07:39 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/husband_std.html#comment-4113 I just stumbled on this site and I'm floored at all the married women going through this sort of thing. Myself included. I've been married for 7 years and from all outward appearances we appeared to be the picture perfect family. We had only recently moved to Texas and purchased a home in 2007. I thought our marriage was great, my husband wasn't a partier so there wasn't any obvious signs of any infidelity. However I did notice he had been frequenting porn sites and I found some porn DVD's stashed. I didn't confront him about it because I always thought that it was normal for men to watch porn and I thought that it was harmless - boy was I wrong. In late August of 2009 I had a smelly discharge so I made an appointment with my OB-GYN. Of course I thought maybe I had a bacterial infection or something of that sort, not an STD. My husband didn't show any outward concerns either and concurred my thoughts. The day of my appointment, I was FLOORED to have my doctor come in and tell me "yes you do have a bacterial infection but you also have Trich". I'm saying to myself "what the hell, I'm 40 years old, STD's are something you get when you have multiple partners not when you're married with children". I immediately phoned my husband and gave him a piece of my mind. I was so freakin' angry. Good thing my Dr's appt. was late in the afternoon that I didn't have to return to work. Good thing for my husband that he works the night shift and would be gone by the time I came home. I was LIVID! Of course as I'm screaming at him through the phone, he's speechless and constantly saying that he hadn't cheated on me, he doesn't understand. The next day I called in to work because I was going to get to the bottom of this sh*t. Here I am having to take this medication and have a follow up visit for something that I didn't cause, something that one would expect to happen to a 20 something year old single permisquious female. I told my husband he needed to make an appointment with his Dr. which he did and came home saying, "I don't have nothing, see my results, I told you". I called my OB-GYN who said that my husband needed to see a Urologist. I found one and made him an appt. He came back with a prescription and admitted that he had Trich and then admitted to having a three-night stand with some miscellaneous female whom he met in a barbershop. Anyway, I could go on and on about the details and the slow partial admissions that came week after week, little by little. After 7 doses and 7 office visits, I was finally cleared of that awful nasty Trich. The weeks that passed since my initial diagnosis were long talks, arguments, prayer and demands for the full fledged truth. I went through half truths, partial admissions, etc. for the first few weeks. Finally the bombshell was dropped by him 1 month later - he admitted that he had also tested positive for HSV1 & HSV2 by the Urologist. - Wild Ride Tue, 09 Feb 2010 17:07:05 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/husband_std.html#comment-4048 I'm glad I finally found a place to talk about my feelings. I married my EX-HUSBAND Aug. 28 1980, I was 23 years old, a virgin. I had never even let a guy get to second base with me, I was waiting to have sex with whoever I married, it was so important to me to save myself. I knew he had sex before we married, but in 1980, I'd never heard of a STD. Four months after marrying him, I had a bad pap test and had to go thru painful freeze procedure because I had developed abnormal cervix cells. It only took 4 months for me to develop HPV and fight for my life. Dr's didn't even know that much about HPV all those years ago. I'm still alive but it has caused all kinds of physical problems for me. Now 53 years old, I've developed Lichen Scleroses which is caused by HPV and is very painful. Dr. thinks it may have turned into Vulva or perineal cancer, waiting for the results of that. So the SOB ex-husband gave me a life sentence of this pain and agony and no children, but he went on to marry a woman 12 years younger than him and have a child. There are times when I resent him so much and I find myself wishing bad things would happen to him. - Billie Sat, 30 Jan 2010 22:39:57 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/husband_std.html#comment-4004 sorry.. correction.. only ones born with it.. are the ones with mothers infected.. you may see warts around the eyes.. and such.. But my main point was about the length of time that cancer cells develop. . . - HPV virus Mon, 25 Jan 2010 21:42:50 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/husband_std.html#comment-4003 I noticed a comment up above.. she said her husband had cheated on her.. and the HPV virus and science proved it.. That might NOT be the Case. Because the process of transforming normal cervical cells into cancerous ones is slow, cancer occurs in people who have been infected with HPV for a long time, usually over a decade or more (persistent infection). Some HPV virus.. men and women are born with.. so it maybe have been clearing up.. but if you just kept having sex with your husband and not letting it clear.. you two were probably just passing it back and forth. - HPV virus Mon, 25 Jan 2010 21:37:44 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/husband_std.html#comment-3951 I am at such a crossroad in my life and I have no idea how to handle this awful situation.Yesterday I found out I have trichinosis. This is second time I have had an STI and the second time my husband has promised on his childrens life he has never been unfaithful to me. We have been together 22 years and been married 16. The first STI was three years ago, after feeling dreadful for several weeks and having a strange and peculiar rash on my hands and feet the doctor diagnosed me having syphilis. My world fell apart as I have never been unfaithful and have only ever had sexual contact with my husband. Obviously he was screened and found to have it too!!! Not such a surprise. He promised he never had been unfaithful and I told him I could never completely believed him. For the sake of our children I put that all behind us telling him if I ever found out he was unfaithful that would be the end of our marriage. I thought our relationship was something special and now I feel its a complete sham and based upon complete lies. I am so angry with myself for believing him. And now here I sit with a second STI, surely it can't be coincidence. How am I ever going to find out the truth? - victory Wed, 20 Jan 2010 10:28:54 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/husband_std.html#comment-3896 Feelingguilty... I'm disgusted with women like you. Takes a certain woman to go after a married man. I feel sorry for women like you who look at life the way you do. My hubby cheated on me with a woman like you; now I have an std. I didn't do anything and don't deserve this! I was also pregnant at the time he was fooling around with a fool! Break it off... adultery is no good an only ends up bad! - loveinu Tue, 12 Jan 2010 17:23:14 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/husband_std.html#comment-3888 hi everybody.......well i understand how everyone feels. i have a 4 month old baby with my boyfriend. just found out he gave me chlamydia. this is the most hurt i have ever been. he says he is sorry and how much he loves me and wants us to work it out but i see it as he put me and my child in danger. how could he do this???i dont know if or how to forgive him... - ps Mon, 11 Jan 2010 11:56:43 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/husband_std.html#comment-3876 I myself am like many of you. I have been in (I thought) a monogamous relationship for almost a year. I started having complications, so i decided to go to my OBGYN for a checkup. Little did i know that I would tested positive for an STD (trich). I have been totally faithful to this man although I always had doubts about him. As of today, I guess now know the truth!!!! - Sadden Thu, 07 Jan 2010 11:28:41 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/husband_std.html#comment-3668 I feel so bad for all of you. I am not a wife, but I am a woman who has been seeing a married man for 4 yrs. It took almost a year to find out he was married and then his wife was off with family for almost the whole time of our relationship so we spent a lot of time together. I had been seeing other men on and off because i was tryin to break away from him. I just found out yesterday I have an std and I didnt want to tell him cause he would be mad but i forced myself to not because of him but for his family. He went and took care of it last nite, but i sit here in wonder what, if anything, he told hos wife. I honestly dont see him saying anything to her and that is messed up in so many ways, but who knows maybe he did tell her some lie and i really hope she is dumb enough to believe it or believe that it was a one time thing because it wasnt. WE had more than just a one niter, he just told me sunday that he was obsessing and dreaming about me because i refused to talk to him for 2 wks. That is not the kind of man she thinks is her living husband. So my advice to you ladies is this, no matter how many kids u have, no matter how long u been together, leave him, ur health, physically and emotionally is not worth it. Yes kids should be a priority in life, but they are not who comes first, YOU are!! If you arent fully happy and healthy how can u provide a good life for your kids? I had a mother who stayed with a cheating husband for the sake of us kids and i truly wish she had done what was best for her life instead of ours, kids get over things, her life has been wasted, 25 yrs she blew to know end up cold and alone when she could have made another life. so sad. Think of you and only you and dont ever believe a cheater will change, they are just good liars. - FeelinGuilty Tue, 01 Dec 2009 17:49:54 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/husband_std.html#comment-3576 I found out about a month ago I had an abnormal pap smear. I just had a colscopy and found out I was HPV positive. I have been married for 19 years and been exclusive to my husband for 21 years. I have never had an abnormal pap and have three children with him. The Dr.'s office called yesterday and told me my biopsy results were high risk and I need to have the LEEP procedure done. I'm having a really hard time accepting this and really feel my husband has cheated on me, but of course he insists he didn't. What are the chances of this being dormant for over 20 years? I don't think it's possible! Any input would be appreciated, because my gut feeling is he's cheated on me and I have so much anxiety and want to get to the bottom of this nightmare! - Am I married to a cheater? Thu, 12 Nov 2009 11:55:02 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/husband_std.html#comment-3548 My boyfriend of 5 years exposed me to chlamydia while I was 4 months pregnancy with his child. When I went to the doctor to have the normal STD test ran while I was pregnant, I was so sure that everything was fine. I was at work, when I received the call that the doctor wanted the number to a pharmacy...my response was what for...then the lady told me that I had tested positive for chlamydia. I called the nasty f&#^er,and of course he denied it...that he has never cheated. I told him what it was and he was unaware of the disease, so i told him to ask one of the nurses that are in his family(auntie)....well he had it...i tried to kill his a**. My thought process at the time was he had no respect for me and my body, and our unborn child..and even after all the I love You crying, I had no love for him. I put him out and we have had no contact...I just recently found out that he has contracted another STD of different form. I am just glad that I no longer deal with him. Point I am trying to make is if your faithful man is able to bring you a curable disease, he is still exposing you to one that has no cure. (HPV, HIV,AIDS) and even to lead to death all over some minutes of unprotected sex. Think about yourself. I know it is hard, trust me I know after years invested but love yourself more. Especially if you have kids to raise. - was PiSsEd OfF... Thu, 05 Nov 2009 16:10:06 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/husband_std.html#comment-3421 Yea I'm a male and after reading some of your stories I just want to say how sorry I am to hear them but anyways I don't know anything about trich never even heard about it until now but I do know about hpv because I've recently been diagnosed with genital warts ladies what you need to know is that hpv can lay dormant for 29 years some people can go their entire lifetime without having symptoms or a single out brake. Hpv is the most common STD in the united states, and there is no cure for the disease a healthy immune system may be able to fight off the virus on it's own. I have been diagnosed with genitals warts after not having sex for nearly two years. I shared my news with my girlfriend and we are both taking protective measures to ensure that I don't spread the disease to her. I love my girlfriend so much and would not be able to live with myself if she were to get cervical cancer. Genital warts are manageable and there are many treatments for it. Although the warts can be removed your skin will still harbor the virus meaning that there's a chance the warts can return, and there's also the possibility that you'll live the rest of your life without another outbreak or no outbreak at all. Ladies if you doc tells you you have hpv do some research before you go making accusations. Again the virus can lay dormant for years even a lifetime. I hope this helps - Justdiagnosed Wed, 14 Oct 2009 17:20:02 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/husband_std.html#comment-3363 Hey I just found out today that my husband of 9 months has an STD. I am not sure how to take it and he has had to long before we got married. I never knew of it today and I have never cheated on him. But I am worried now that if I do have it that I will not know what to do. I love my husband but I am not sure that after this I can see myself staying with him. It hurts a lot to know that I trusted him and he not tell me. And what makes it so bad we are both in the military and there is no telling how many girls that he has really been with before me or when I was here working in Korea. I need help what should I do? - SB3ZZY Mon, 05 Oct 2009 04:03:34 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/husband_std.html#comment-3324 I just found out today that my husband gave me either chlamydia or gonorrhea (the tests are still pending). He confessed when I returned home from the doctors and told him her thoughts. When I told my dr that he went to the dr and was prescribed Doxy, she said "oh that's not good." How embarrassing! He was funny this morning because he was telling me all about how the STDs can lay dormant for years. Reading through this blog, I see that is very common among cheating men. I am pissed because I have a 15 month old and am 4 months pregnant. Both of these diseases can cause harm to an unborn child. He tells me he contracted the STD by getting a blow job while I was away. Do not really believe that is all he got but who cares now, it is over and done with. I just feel bad for my son and my unborn child. Definitely not taking that scumbag back - Pregnant and pissed Tue, 29 Sep 2009 18:52:29 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/husband_std.html#comment-3256 Hi Makino! I know it's hard to deal with, and I'd never tell someone who I don't know to leave their relationship, but if you're going to stay with him you HAVE to use protection. Just make sure you're mentally prepared going in to this situation because the ball is definitely in your court. Be careful though, because men sometimes have a sneaky way of invalidating your feelings and making you feel guilty for some of the dumb shit that they do! Tell him that if he wants to be with you, then he should make every effort to regain your trust- and tell him specifically what it is that you need to regain that trust. As far as sex goes, I'd be very careful. We sometimes try to find ways to forgive a cheating spouse when it is discovered that he has a woman on the side. And I know that cheating is cheating, but for him to lay down with a PROSTITUTE and expose you to potentially deadly diseases is unacceptable. In this case forgive and forget could cost you your life. Be very careful about the decisions you make now that the trust has been broken. Often times men think that your forgiveness makes it okay to jump out there again. My advice to you would be to draw the line and decide just how much you're willing to put up with. At this point it's no longer about him. Think about your well being and your children. We spend so much time stressing about these dumb guys that we forget to take care of ourselves. We become angry women who neglect those who are most important because we're [i]so [/i]focused on fixing a relationship that is beyond repair. No matter what you decide, I think counseling could help. Sometimes having a neutral party to talk to can help you put things in perspective. I wish you all the best!!! I'm thinking it's time for me to change my screen name!! - Pissed Off Fri, 18 Sep 2009 21:56:30 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/husband_std.html#comment-3140 Wow! I'm so happy that I found this site. I don't know what I'm going to do. My mind is in total disarray. My story is very similar to everybody. My husband and I have been together for 11 years and have been having problem for the past few years. A year ago he wanted to be separated and do his own things but still want to live in the same house as I am. Like I fool I was, who really loves him, I agreed that thinking maybe we need some space and needs to heal because of the years of hurting each other. We get along fine and do stuff like a regular family. He travels a lot. Although I told him that I will agree with our set up as long as there's no third party involve or another word, NO CHEATING! He agreed and mentioned that it's not his priority right now. Abd I believe him. We still have sex all the time because I love him, and wanting to prove to him that our marriage will work out. Little that I know when he came back from his recent trip he would give me something. I thought I was just a UTi and went to my obgyn. I found out that I was tested positive for chlamydia! I never had sex with anyone other than him. He's the only person i had sex with, and I have an STD. One of my reasons is having sex with him bec. I think I'll be safe. Too bad...he's the one who gave me an STD. Now I'm confused. Because he said he's sorry and wants to be with me and doesn't want to let me go. I don't know what to do. I love him still but I'm confused. I always tell myself that if he cheated, then I'll leave him. But I didn't. Then he if I was tested positive for an STD I'll definitely leave him. But since it's positive and admitted that he messed around with one of his trips with a prostitute, I want to leave. But he said he's sorry and really a changed man. And I want to forgive him. But my gut feeling is just RUN! Help. - Makino Thu, 03 Sep 2009 17:54:26 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/husband_std.html#comment-3112 I feel really sad to all of you reading your stories. You all deserve to be treated better than you have been and us Women should support each other more, talk more and educate those that dont know about these issues. We are stronger than men anyway thats why we live longer:) - Apol Sun, 30 Aug 2009 03:15:59 +0100 http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/husband_std.html#comment-3109 My story is just like the one from above so I just cut and pasted her story. The only exceptions are I have a high strain of HPV and all the DNA numbers are cancerous, I was married for 30 years, it was not perfect, and my kids, daughter and son, who are adults were right on the money they warned me he was a narcissistic man who only wanted to satisfy his needs. They have no contact with their dad because he hurt them by being a big bully while they were going up. My kids are my idols and great supports for me. I am blessed with that in my life. My ex husband lied until his last day in our home. He told me he didn't tell me the truth because he didn't want to hurt me. I guess having the man that you have been with for 30 years giving you a STD in not considered hurting me. It was all for him and too bad it took me to get sick to realize it has to be for me now. Copied post from above- (Married for 29 years, just recently diagnosed with the worst strain of HPV there is which causes cervical cancer. Please research this. I didn't know. I have cervical cancer thanks to my loving, cheating husband. I had no idea he was cheating. We have a nice house, he is respected, we have beautiful, accomplished daughters, we HAD the perfect marriage. He has now sentenced me to death. HPV does not lie dormant in the body for 29 years. He picked it up during the last two years. I tested positive for a low grade strain three years ago... the kind that resolves itself. This strain kills you. No one in the world is aware of how dangerous this STD is. I don't understand.) - A woman who believed too much until... Sat, 29 Aug 2009 04:24:08 +0100