So her first husband left her? Why? Dont worry about the way you look to her family, you need to do what is best for YOU! I can feel your pain in the words that you write, if you stay and dont resolve this issue you will be miserable forever. If she is unwilling to confront this problem and take responsiblity for what she has done then there is nothing more you can do. You need to move on and heal from this hurt and pain that you are feeling. I know that it is easier to give advice then to take it as you are the one that will undoubtly feel the most pain in the end. There is nothing you can do to change her, maybe some time apart will do you both some good. If she comes back then you know that there is some hope but if she doesnt this is your time to take care of yourself. Dont let her just get away with cheating, stand up for yourself and have respect for yourself.

Her first husband left her because he found someone else, it was told to me that she spent too much time away from home since she was in the military and he was lonley, when we first met she told me that he thought she was cheating on him, and she said that she had plenty of chances to , but that she just worked all the time.

And now this, my mother likes her, because she said that she is very nice to her, and that I'm imagining this. My Wife had me call her parents and speak to them about the supposed affair, and that I was accusing her, they think that its beyond her to do so, because she is a good and caring person..she was single for 8 years, she didnt get into any relationships and is always there for someone.

And when we met, she mentioned to me that she wanted a friend, someone she could visit, I admit, I wanted to get to know her better, after knowing her for a year I asked her to marry me, she said of course, we got married a year after knowing each other, then five months later, she cheats, and I cant get the truth out of her, she wont tell me anything, she denies it to the end and wants to make me out to be nuts, we are about to have our one year anniversary this april, and this.
So, I am going to do whats best for me, even though it doesnt feel that way, why do I feel like I'm doing something wrong ??

I am not so sure that I believe the story about why her husband left. Doesnt sit well with me & makes me wonder if she has lied to you about that to. As for her family who cares what they think, and of course you feel like you are crazy she has done that to you. She has made sure that she doesnt have to face reality and that you are the one that has caused all of this. This is what they do best, the make you out to be the bad guy so that they can make themselves feel better. Dont let her do this to you & dont worry about her family, if you leave her for good you will never have to see them again anyways. As for your mom, dont worry your her son and she will always be there for you. She may try to talk you out of it but she will always love you. Trust me coming from a mother no matter what my little girl does I will always stand beside her and take her side, mothers are great that way. You need to do what is right for you, you may feel like you are doing something wrong but your not. You need sometime to heal from this and to get yourself straightened out. Dont worry about everyone else and take care of yourself. I say when your anniversary comes up take yourself out. Go fishing or hiking or whatever it is that you like to do & go by yourself or with a buddy. You are looking for reasons to hang around and there is no more reasons left. You need to come to the realization that this is over and it is time for you to start your life, the way you want to live it.

One more note... Do you still have all the tapes that you recorded? Send them to her parents, mail them addressed to them. Let them get the package open it and listen to everything they might feel a little differently after they see the proof in there hands. Dont worry about your astranged wife, just do it!

I have them, I tried to talk to her earlier because I was still looking for something, she is good at this deception thing, I am not, I have audio dating back to sept and to feb, I had most of the audio cleaned up, I have several with him talking, she suspects I'm recording so they whisper, in my last audio from feb she tells him to be quiet ok, he says "Yeahh" then he makes noises, so he is getting as bold as she is, at first I couldnt wait to leave her, now I'm torn, she hid the audio I had earlier, I let her listen to the proof, she took it thinking it was the only one I had, she does not know about the copies.

I want to make sure that when her parents hear it thre can be no second guessing, I dod however sign a lease for my new place today, I was standing in the kitchen, I just zoned out, glad to have a place and felt some promise.
Thank You for your replies and listening, this place is saving me ...

Maybe you should just move into your new place and see how things go. If you are still feeling like you want to make things right with her parents then show them the tapes. I however wouldnt worry about them but everyone is different. If it will help you get closer to this all then show them and let them be the judges. Keep working on yourself and if she wants to be a part of your life she will make strides forward to do so. By the way I dont think you ever said if she was still seeing that other guy, do you know? Just keep moving forward it seems like you are doing a pretty good job considering whats happened.