Reading these posts after mine that specifically address cheating is heartfelt. I feel that I'm not alone and life can open up again. Since my last post, we were on the road to divorce but this was sidetracked.
I'm still positive but my trust is gone. I am not sure if I need her or love her or, I don't know. We since have been trying to sort things out. Things do appear on the up swing. However, I recently was called at work from a neighbor that , as she put it, was fed up and had to call me. She called to tell me that she sees them leave and arrive at approximately the same time and I don't deserve it. It's his older sister that called me. She is my next door neighbor and he is staying with them. She also told me that they were also, at the same time, talking on my porch. I immediately called her and asked what's going on and why. She became irritated and started crying, really not explaining and then hung up on me.
I am on high alert and want to find out the truth as she has told all of her friends (that talk to me) that she has not done anything with him. Still, why talk to this guy still? She told everyone she broke it off.
So, I put a recorder in her car this morning before she went to work. What I found out is that she called him, and was telling him the events that I described above. telling him how she (his sister) should butt out of the three adults involved business. Also to tell him that her and I are keeping appearances "fakeing" it so no one has any more gossip.
I was pulling up to her work today when she was on lunch talking to him so the conversation ended with "Uh, oh He's here". She said her goodbye and thats all I have for now. Thankfully there was no I love you said, or I miss you. I am waiting to hear what's on there for her ride home today. Interesting note, why the hell is there a bath towel in the back seat today? Gut feeling?
I am truly hurt from the standpoint that it not me she is calling to talk to. Or that I am not the one she wants to talk to on her lunch break. I cried for a while after listening to this and I am hurt.
I want to get out of this relationship. I have three kids 16, 12, and 6; B, G, B. and I don't believe they want to go with me but with her. They know about him and hate him as they have told me this. They actually have learned to despise this man. She has told us in person that she loved him (before we started tryng again) to which the teens left the room in disgust.
I would be financially ruined and less than able to sustain myself if we should split. It's all I can do to keep my sanity with this knowledge. If I find out that she is sexual with him too, I'm not sure how I'll keep it together or proceed. I'd rather we work this out but after hearing her explain our current situation as "faking" it, I am not sure how to proceed. I'm certainly not going to confront her about it.

I am currently trying very hard to give her her space yet be a supportive and caring husband. We still sleep in separate rooms and do not kiss. I have on occasion hugged her and pull her close to let her know I am really ready to forgive her. This she has not done in return. In fact, she NEVER did this unless she was drinking. Even then, it was only once or twice.

Yes their are faithful men out there with actual companionship in mind. I think I just hitched my truck to a one-wheeled trailer. Everyone tells me she is unreasonable and immature. Also that I know that she will still be talking to him as if they are making an excuse for her. To which I tell them how unfair to me that is. They agree, but it's as if they were already accepting that its the only road i'll have to take [knowing she will be still talking to him]. I'll repost as soon as things get better or worse.

No not really, You will find yourself out of the blue, Just something will click in your mind and then you will start checking again. the feeling lightens up but it never really goes away. sorry but that is what I feel!

Wow...Miffed and Downtrodden..I feel terrible for you. You sound just like my husband if he knew what I was up to. The truth is...most likely she has already been sexual with him. I cover my tracks well. But no that my husband would be crushed if he knew what I have done. I can't bear to destroy his world...so I hope to get over this affair eventually. Problem is..I think I am addicted. It's a zeal for a life pastgone. A teenage thrill of that high school crush that the parents didn't approve of. A rebellious streak to do it anyways. I have no doubt that she still loves you. I still love my husband and children very much. I have three children as well.

Signs of infidelity: My goose is cooked any day now. I switched phones and the iphone bill goes to my husbands work. I looked it up on-line and found that it lists ALL me texts (numbers, time sent/received) and I have at least 800 from the other guy a month. I vowed to myself to stop..but so far its not as easy as I though. He'll get real sad and then I get physically sick..it's bizarre. I just don't understand it? I told him that we need to stop using this phone and I plan on getting a prepaid phone and hiding it. But then I thought...all this sneaking around. Is it worth it and Why? What's the point now? I know it's rude and selfish and cruel and hurtful if my husband found out. I am aware. But like any addict...its an exhilarating feeling. It's a rush. That's why I continue. I'm trying to overcome it and get busy. But my mind keeps wandering back. Karma? What.. he'll do it back to me when I least expect it or when I'm an old hag. I'll deserve it and I'll turn the other cheek just like the elder women in his family do. I will finally be part of the club.

The guilt stops them from forgiving, unless you can forgive and she can stop the guilt and forgive self then its a hard road. Also add to that you have no comfort in the one who you turn to for support, thats the hardest, be careful as you do not want to push away and viceversa. I hope that bee is mindful of all of this as the fun and excitement although gets the adrenal rushing is minimal to the damage it can cause when its exposed as its not just the couple involved in the affair its all of their partners children and family. The judgement from them can be irepairable. good luck

Self-Taugh Investigator & Repo-Man Has this to add:

What to look for in daily mannerisms:
Self-Centered tasks and interaction based on self. <br>
Self Centered Conversation, Details always overboard.<br>
Gesturing excessive, "make-it-up" pauses in answering.<br>
Anger, Hostility, Violence Flip-Accusations when questioned.
Readiness or "Eagerness" for termination of relationship.<br>
Disputes and arguements lead anywhere but the subject.<br>
Crying, Wailing, "Breaking Down" - you're the monster for being suspicious of her at all.<br>
Very obvious regretful speech; begins physical contact -EG Holding you by the arm, putting arm around you, etc.<br>
Hiding communication devices or clearing call lists [or items] from communication devices.<br>
Being very possessive with said devices {EG Cell Phones] take to shower, public restroom conversations, telling a familiar "wrong number".<br>
Being unable or unwilling to account for one's actions, whereabouts, Company or otherwise questioned information.<br>
Keeping in good reach of old flames and affairs.<br>
Collecting new frinds, and seemingly of the opposite sex.<br>
Using recreational drugs with friends of the opposite sex.<br>
Suddenly request psychiatric prescription increased [or begin to establish].<br>
Showering more than usual for the subject.<br>
Wearing more make-up or perfume before leaving.<br>
*Also- beginning to carry make-up, *Also-leaving as Rose and (bare natural) returning as Avon (made up).<br>
Returning in clothing different than left in.<br>
What to search for:
Unmentioned email accounts, changed or hidden passwords.<br>
Secret Online Profiles such as MySpace and FaceBook, Yahoo360, Bolt, the list goes on and on...<br>
Key ring + keys to appartments of alleged "friends".<br>
Contraceptive products & any new newfound concern for such.<br>
Lists of contacts on paper [unlikely, but possible]<br>
Lists of contacts on internet [good luck with that]<br>
Clothing Stains, Odors [tobacco, cologne, etc] Hiding Clothing or Laundering Immediately.<br>
*Also Clothing begins to appear in car, as "in case of emergency" or some special reason which lacks logic.<br>
Drink Containers, cigarette butts, other refuse in car or on driveway without explaination.<br>
Toilet seat left in "man just peed" position.<br>
HINT: you can buy PH test kits to determine sex of patron to toilet seats, soiled undergarments, etc. Oh yes.<br>
<br>
HINT: Most US Cities / Highways have public web cams ESPECIALLY at colleges.<br>
HINT: Baby Monitors are great - just be sure they are never found and display some legible sign about "survielance".<br>
HINT: A GOOD FRIEND CAN BE A P.I. - just choose one she doesn't know personally.<br>
HINT: TRUST YOUR GUTS, TRUST YOUR 1ST INSTINCT, DON'T SUCKER FOR A BACKPEDDLING LIAR WITH BAD INTENTIONS!<br>
<br>
Comfort and Strength be to you all... may your hearts find sanctuary in the security of your lesson's wisdom.
<br>

That was beautiful! I wish it were me as well, but it's not! I had a terrible gut feeling that things weren't right and drove myself to checking his text messages, which he get's so many of... Sure enough, texts from his ex wanting him back, talking of previously arranged meetings, all of which he had covered up with different excuses. When these meetings would first take place he would admit to them if asked. This I appreciated, and told him so, but said that it really wasn't doing anyone any good. Then I suspected there were rendvous that were kept from me. I confronted him telling that it was causing him to be deceitful and deeply compromising our relationship. He said he understood and said that it was no longer taking place. Since then I know factually (via texts)that they have been meeting. He claims he loves me more than he has loved anyone. We spend a tremendous amount of time together, but the trust has been tampered with. I don't think this is PMS, do you? Your reply would be really helpful I am sure.